The Garden-Party Seasonhas been widened out by the introduction of "Evening Garden-Parties" into the list of country festivities, and this form of entertainment has found great favour with all.
Invitations are issued on the usual "at home" cards, the hours from 9 to 12 p.m. Occasionally "dancing" is printed on the cards, but not often, as it is not usual to combine an evening garden-party with a dance, except when only young girls and young men are invited.
Some little perplexity is felt by the recipients of evening garden-party invitations as to the style of dress that should be worn. Should ladies wear morning dress or evening dress? Men are equally in doubt on this point. Ought they to wear evening dress or not? Although this is not stated on the invitation cards, yet it is tacitly understood that ladies are expected to appear in the usual garden-party attire—smart, pretty dresses and hats or bonnets, and small fashionable wraps carried in place of sunshades in the event of the evening air proving somewhat chilly. Evening dress, when worn at one of these "at homes," looks particularly out of place. The thin evening shoes, which must of necessity be worn with this style of dress, suit neither dewy grass nor stony gravel; and although at the evening concerts at the Botanic Gardens many ladies wear "evening dress" with smart evening cloaks, this is beside the question. They go for a short half-hour or so, not for athree hours' stay. Anyhow, at evening garden-parties, the rule is not to wear evening dress as far as ladies are concerned. Men, on the other hand, one and all, are expected to do so, morning dress being looked upon as out of place on these occasions. A light overcoat is inseparable from evening dress, therefore it is not considered risky wear for men even on the chilliest of summer evenings.
As to the arrangementsfor one of these evening garden-parties. It is usual to have tea and coffee, and light refreshments during the whole of the evening, from arrival to departure, and to give a light supper a little before twelve o'clock. The gardens and grounds are illuminated with coloured lamps and lanterns, extensively or moderately, as the case may be. A band is considered indispensable, but a good one does not seem to be equally imperative, to judge from the indifferent performances of various bands heard on these summer evenings. However, country audiences are not too critical, knowing that to engage a good band from a distance entails considerable expense, and that evening garden-parties would be singularly few if superior music was insisted upon. Thus the local band is encouraged to do its best, and to allow long intervals to elapse between each selection.
In the case of an evening turning out decidedly wet, guests invited from a distance seldom put in an appearance, while the nearer neighbours do so, and the evening garden-party becomes an evening reception within doors, shorn of its numbers, it is true, but a pleasant gathering, nevertheless, especially with those who know how to make the best of acontretempscaused by unpropitious weather.
Invitations to Luncheonare very much the order of the day in fashionable society. Those who look back some few years remark the importance now accorded to this mid-day meal, and contrast it with the past. The lateness of the dinner-hour in a measure accounts for the position now taken by luncheon in the day's programme, joined to the fact that it offers another opportunity for social gatherings; and as the prevailing idea seems to be to crowd into one day as much amusement and variety and change as possible, invitations to luncheon have become one of the features of social life.
Invitations to Public Luncheonsare not now confined to the celebration of local and civic events, but take a far wider range, and are given on every available opportunity when the occasion can be made to serve for assembling a large party of ladies and gentlemen. Luncheon is by some considered to be rather a lady's meal than not, although in reality invitations are given as frequently to the one sex as to the other. Yet the predominance of ladies at luncheon is due to the fact that the majority of gentlemen are too much occupied at this hour to be at liberty to accept invitations to luncheon, while others, more idle, breakfast at so late an hour that to them a two o'clock luncheon is a farce as far as eating is concerned. Outside of those who are busy men and those who are idle men, andconsequently late risers, there is another semi-occupied class of men who are always amenable to an invitation to luncheon.
This institution of luncheon is invaluable to people who have many friends, acquaintances, and relations to entertain, as invitations to this meal are given for every day in the week, with or without ceremony, with long notice or short notice, or on the spur of the moment.
Ladies enjoy the society of their hostess at luncheon far more than at a dinner-party. At the former meal she makes general conversation with her guests on both sides of the table; at the latter she is monopolised by her immediate neighbours, by the gentleman who takes her down to dinner, and by the one who sits at her right hand, while she leaves her guests to be entertained by the gentlemen who take them in to dinner. At luncheon things are different; there is no going in to luncheon, conventionally speaking, save on official and public occasions.
Luncheon occupies a prominent place in the round of hospitalities. Invitations to luncheon are not formally issued on invitation cards, unless some especial reason exists for giving a large luncheon-party, in which case it takes rank as an entertainment.
Large luncheon-parties are given on occasions such as lawn-tennis tournaments and lawn-tennis parties, archery-parties, cricket-matches and bazaars, etc.
Semi-official luncheons are given on the occasion of laying the foundation-stone of a church or public building, etc. This class of luncheon is beside the question, as it is rather a banquet than a luncheon, for which printed cards of invitation are issued.
In general society invitations to luncheon are issued by written notes or are verbally given according to circumstances.
Invitations to Luncheon.—A week's notice is thelongest usually given, very little notice being considered requisite.
Many hostesses give their friendscarte blancheinvitations to luncheon; but ladies as a rule seldom avail themselves of thisfaçon de parler, as they consider it, and prefer to await a more direct form of invitation. Gentlemen, on the contrary, are expected to avail themselves of this proffered hospitality without ceremony, as the presence of a gentleman visitor at luncheon is considered an acquisition, the reason, perhaps, being that ladies are usually in the majority at luncheon, and also that the unexpected arrival of one or two ladies would call for a greater amount of attention on the part of a hostess seated at luncheon than would the unexpected arrival of gentlemen, ladies requiring especial attention to be shown to them in the matter of a place at table, etc., while gentlemen are ready to offer attention instead of requiring it, and to take any place at table, whether convenient or otherwise.
As a rule, the number of ladies present at luncheon greatly exceeds the number of gentlemen present, unless at a luncheon-party, when a hostess usually endeavours to equalise the numbers as far as possible; but it is not imperative for her to do this, and it is immaterial whether there are as many gentlemen as ladies present at luncheon or not.
Luncheon is a very useful institution to a mistress of a house, as it enables her to show a considerable amount of civility to her friends and acquaintances.
She can invite to luncheon those it might not, for various reasons, be convenient to invite to dinner; as for instance, young ladies, single ladies, elderly ladies, ladies coming to town, or into the neighbourhood for a few days only, and so on.
The usual rule in houses where there are children old enough to do so, is for the children to dine at luncheon with their governess, whether there are guests present or not.
In Town the Usual Hour for Luncheonis 1.30 to 2 o'clock; in the country it is generally half an hour earlier. The guests are expected to arrive within ten minutes of the hour named in the invitation, as although punctuality is not imperative, it is very desirable.
A guest, on his or her arrival at a house, should not, if previously invited, inquire if the mistress of the house is at home, but should say, on the servant opening the door, "Mrs. A. expects me to luncheon."
When the guests are self-invited, they should inquire if the mistress of the house is at home.
Guests are conducted to the drawing-room before luncheon. The servant precedes them, as at morning calls.
When guests arrive after the hour named for luncheon, they should be at once ushered into the dining-room, and their names announced.
When the guests are unacquainted with each other, the hostess should make a sort of general introduction or introductions; that is to say, she should introduce one gentleman to two or three ladies, thus, "Mr. A., Mrs. B., Mrs. C., and Miss D.," making but one introduction in place of three separate introductions, this being the less formal mode of making unimportant introductions.
It is not always possible for a host to be present at luncheon, owing to occupation and engagements, but courtesy to his wife's guests demands his presence when practicable. He should either join them in the drawing-room or in the dining-room, according to his convenience.
Guests are not sent in to luncheon as they are to dinner.
Ladies should not remove their hats at luncheon. They should remove their fur coats and wraps. These should either be left in the hall on arrival or taken off in the drawing-room or dining-room. Short gloves should be removed; elbow gloves may be retained.
Gentlemen should not take their hats with them into the drawing-room, but should leave them in the hall.
Ten minutes is the usual time allowed between the arrival of the guests and serving luncheon, which is usually served at the hour named, the received rule being not to wait for guests.
Going in to Luncheon.—When the luncheon gong sounds the hostess should say to the lady of highest rank present, "Shall we go in to luncheon?" or some such phrase. (See "The Art of Conversing.") The visitor should then move towards the door. If the host is present, he should walk beside her; if not, the hostess should do so. The other ladies should follow as far as possible according to precedency, the gentlemen going last. Thus the hostess either follows with the ladies or leads the way.
Guests should not go in to luncheon arm-in-arm as at a dinner-party, but singly, each lady by herself, or, when space permits, side by side. Gentlemen likewise, but on arriving in the dining-room, each gentleman should place himself by the side of a lady, or between two ladies, at table.
The hostess should sit at the top of the table and the host at the bottom, as at dinner, but it is immaterial where the guests sit, although as a rule the lady of highest rank sits by the host, and the gentleman of highest rank by the hostess.
A late arrival should, on being ushered into the dining-room, make his or her way to the top of the table to shake hands with the hostess, making some polite excuse for being late.
A hostess should rise from her seat to welcome a lady, but she should not do so to welcome a gentleman.
Luncheon is either servedà la Russeor not, according to inclination, both ways being in equally good taste, although, as a rule, the joint is served from thebuffetor side-table, while theentrées, game, or poultry are placed on the table.
For further information respecting the arrangements for luncheon, see the work entitled "Waiting at Table."
Formerly it was the custom in some houses for the servants to leave the dining-room as soon as they had helped the various guests to the joint or joints, and handed round the vegetables and the wine, in which case the host and hostess helped the guests to theentréesand sweets, or the gentlemen present did so; but now it is invariably the rule for the servants to remain in the room during the whole of luncheon, and to hand the dishes and wine, etc., to the guests as at dinner-parties.
Luncheon usually lasts about half an hour, during which time the hostess should endeavour to render conversation general.
As at dinner, it is the duty of a hostess to give the signal for leaving the room, which she does by attracting the attention of the lady of highest rank present by means of a smile and a bow, rising at the same time from her seat.
The host, or the gentleman nearest the door, should open it for the ladies to pass out.
The ladies should leave the dining-room as far as possible in the order in which they have entered it, the hostess following last.
When the host is not present, the gentlemen should follow the ladies to the drawing-room; but when the host is present, the gentlemen should remain in the dining-room with the host a short time before joining the ladies in the drawing-room.
It is optional on the part of the host whether he returns or not with the gentlemen to the drawing-room, although, if not particularly engaged, it is more courteous to do so.
Coffee is sometimes served after luncheon in the drawing-room. It is handed on a salver immediately after luncheon. The most usual way now, however, is to have coffee brought into the dining-room at the conclusion of luncheon, and handed to the guests on a salver.
The guests are not expected to remain longer than twenty minutes after the adjournment to the drawing-room has been made.
Ladies should put on their gloves on their return to the drawing-room after luncheon.
Ladies having motor-cars should previously desire their chauffeurs to return for them from three to a quarter-past three o'clock, and the servant should inform each guest of the arrival of her motor-car.
When a lady requires a cab, she should ask the hostess's permission to have one called for her.
The subject of leave-taking is fully described inChapter IV.
Breakfast Partieshave in certain circles become a feature, and invitations to breakfast are issued both by card and by note.
In official circles breakfast parties are frequently given, the morning hours up to one o'clock being the only disengaged portion of the day, and thus the opportunity is taken for offering and receiving hospitality, and of enjoying the society of friends and acquaintances. The breakfast hour varies from ten to eleven, according to circumstances, and the meal somewhat resembles a luncheon, fish,entrées, game, and cold viands being given, with the addition of tea, coffee, and liqueurs.
Punctuality on these occasions is almost imperative, as breakfast cannot be prolonged beyond a given limit, and therefore it is not considered necessary to wait the coming of a late guest.
The guests go in to breakfast as to luncheon. When a party consists of both ladies and gentlemen, the hostess should lead the way with the lady of highest rank, followed by the other ladies, the gentlemen following with the host.
When a party consists of gentlemen only, the host should lead the way with the gentleman of highest rank, and should indicate to the principal of the gentlemen present the places he wishes them to occupy at table; the remainderof the company should seat themselves according to inclination.
The table should be laid as for luncheon, and decorated with flowers and fruit. Tea and coffee should be served from a side table by the servants in attendance.
All dishes should be handed as at luncheon.
For the details of "Breakfast-table Arrangements and Serving Breakfast," see the work entitled "Waiting at Table."
The guests usually leave as soon as breakfast is over, unless the ladies are invited by the hostess to accompany her to the drawing-room, or the gentlemen are invited by the host to smoke a cigarette or cigar previous to their departure.
House Party Breakfasts.—In the country the breakfast hour varies from 9 to 10.30, and in some country houses it is an understood thing that the guests are at liberty to come down to breakfast at any time between nine and half-past ten. In not a few country houses the hostess and the ladies breakfast in their own rooms, and the gentlemen of the party breakfast with the host in the breakfast-room.
The breakfast gong is a signal for assembling in the breakfast-room or dining-room, but it is not the custom to wait for any one beyond five or ten minutes.
The host and hostess at once take their places at the breakfast-table.
When the house-party is a large one, and space permits, a number of small tables should be arranged in the breakfast-room, in addition to a long breakfast-table.
The servants should remain in attendance during breakfast to wait upon the guests.
There is no general move made from the breakfast-table as in the case of luncheon or dinner; the hostess generally remains until the whole of the guests have at least commenced breakfast, save in the case of very late comers, forwhom she would not be expected to remain at the head of the breakfast-table.
The guests leave the breakfast-table as soon as they have finished breakfast, without waiting for any intimation from the hostess to do so.
Manythings contribute to draw people into the country and away from town in the month of September; therefore there is a far larger number in each and every neighbourhood inclined for a picnic or a water-party than in the three previous months, June, July, and August.
Picnic parties are sometimes invitation parties, and on other occasions contribution parties, or parties which partake in a measure of the character of both.
Picnics by Motor-Car and Picnics by Rail.—Almost every county has its show place, or its ruins, its ruined abbey or its castle, its romantic scenery, and its fine views, its hills or its dales, its waterfalls or its glens. The southern and western counties are as rich in these respects as the eastern counties are barren.
When a picnic party is to proceed to its destination by rail, a saloon carriage is engaged beforehand, and arrangement is made at the nearest hotel to supply the party with luncheon at from 5s.to 10s.per head, according to the style of luncheon required; or hampers of provisions are taken under the charge of one or two men-servants.
If the picnic party proceeds by road, a coach is the favourite mode of conveyance, whether driven by the owner or hired for the occasion. This is a more sociable way of going to a picnic than dividing the party into detachments and conveying them in separate carriages. This is sometimesunavoidable, and if the party is assembled for a start, it occasions no little discussion as to how the party should be divided and conveyed in the various carriages, and it takes no little tact to arrange this in a satisfactory manner—to overrule objections, and to make things work smoothly. Again, the members of a picnic party occasionally find their way to the place of rendezvous independently of each other; but, although this plan saves trouble, it does not promote sociability, and parties of four or six are apt to clique together during the day, instead of making themselves generally agreeable. The provision question is a very important one, and the heads of a picnic party should arrange in concert what each is to bring in the way of fish, flesh, fowl, fruit, and wine.
The services of one or two men-servants at a large picnic party are generally required to arrange the table, to open the wine, and last, but not least, to collect and repack the articles used in the way of plate, china, or glass.
A picnic luncheon in Septemberis not always theal frescospread under the greenwood tree that it is in July, and oftener than not is held in the best parlour of a rustic inn, or, by permission, in a barn or shed, when the weather is not favourable for camping out.
Usually, when a large picnic party is arranged and got up by some three or four ladies and gentlemen, they divide the expenses of the entertainment between themselves, and determine how many shall be invited, each having the privilege of inviting a certain number. Other picnics are got up on a different system, each person contributing a share towards the general expenses; but these gatherings are not so sociable as are the invitation picnics.
Invitation picnics where everything is doneen princeare extremely enjoyable and friendly affairs; they are big luncheons, given out-of-doors instead of indoors, at a distance instead of at home. But even these are not morepleasant than those well-arranged little picnics given by officers in country quarters, when the regimental coach conveys a favoured few to some favourite spot.
Water-Parties.—There are many ways of arranging a water-party at yachting stations and at all riverside places. At yachting stations, for instance, a sailing yacht is hired to convey a party of from eighteen to twenty-five to some point of interest on the coast, in which case luncheon and tea are provided at an hotel in the vicinity of the place where the party have landed, and the expenses are equally divided. Not unfrequently, on the return journey, the yacht is becalmed, and does not reach its destination until between two and three the following morning. If it happens to be a fine moonlight night, this prolongation of a water-party is an additional source of enjoyment; but if there is no moon as well as no wind, and the calm betokens a storm, it is the reverse of pleasant. But these littlecontretemps, when they do occur, rather lend a zest to the day's pleasure, and are something to talk about afterwards.
Water-parties are often given by owners of yachts. These are invitation parties, and luncheon, tea, and sometimes dinner, are served on board, and the party land and stroll about, but return to the yacht to be entertained.
Picnic and water-parties in general include as many gentlemen as ladies, whether they are invitation or contribution parties, although sometimes a majority of ladies is unavoidable. Ryde is a favourite station for water-parties, as the island itself, as well as the opposite coast, offer innumerable points of interest for picnicing, and many are able to combine the pleasures of the yacht with those of the launch in one and the same water-party; thus a party sails from Ryde to Yarmouth, Isle of Wight, and then proceeds in a steam, or other, launch to Alum Bay. Launch parties are immensely popular, both on the river and on thecoast. Some picnic on board, and others on shore, as they feel disposed.
Canoe-partieson coast and river are also popular with both ladies and gentlemen, and here again the useful launch is brought into requisition to convey the party home, as an hour and a half to two hours is an average time to paddle a canoe; after that time the party land either on the rocks or on the shore, and light a fire and boil the kettle for tea. If the tea-drinking and the after-tea ramble are unduly prolonged there is a chance, if on the coast, of the steam-launch running out of coal, and of the party having to return home in their own canoes considerably later than was expected, and not a little fatigued.
Juvenile Partiesform a prominent feature in the entertainments given during the winter months. There is scarcely a household the children of which are not indulged with one large party at least, while others are allowed as many as two or three children's parties during the winter months. These parties offer no little elasticity as to their arrangement, varying from a child's tea party, composed, perhaps, of five or six children, to a juvenile ball, or fancy dress ball. Some mothers object, on principle, to the latter entertainments, on the ground that to give a large juvenile ball provokes a corresponding number of invitations, and that a round of such gaieties is not good for young children, either from a moral or from a hygienic point of view. Morally, that such amusements are likely to destroy or impair the freshness of childhood, and to engender artificial ideas in their young minds in place of such as are natural and healthy, and that the imitation of the manners and bearing of their elders causes them to become miniature men and women, and divests them of the attributes of artless and unaffected childhood.
The dresses worn by childrenat these entertainments are of so elaborate a character—and so much pride is exhibited when wearing them—that a spirit of vanity and a love of dress are aroused at a prematurely early age. From a physical point of view, late hours, heated rooms, richdainties, and constant excitement have a pernicious effect upon children.
There is, of course, an opposite view taken by those who uphold juvenile balls; they consider that children are the better for associating with others of their own age outside of their own family circle, and that in the case of only children such association is calculated to render them lively and intelligent. Another argument in favour of these juvenile parties is, that children who are in the habit of constantly attending them acquire self-possessed and confident manners, and that all shyness,mauvaise honteandgaucherie, which distinguish many children when in the company of strangers, are dispelled by frequent intercourse with children of all ages. Thus, in place of the noisy game of romps, the little gentlemen ask the little ladies to dance, pull costume bon-bons with their favourite partners, and offer them similar attentions throughout the evening. Of course, there are shy little gentlemen and shy little ladies even at a juvenile ball; but it is the constant endeavour of those who accompany them, whether mammas, elder sisters, young aunts, or grown-up cousins, to persuade them to get the better of this diffidence, and to induce taciturn Master Tommy to dance with timid Miss Tiny. Sometimes Master Tommy is obstinate, as well as taciturn, and his "won't" is as strong as his will. As with all things, so with children's parties, the medium course is, perhaps, the wisest to take, running into neither extreme—avoiding too much seclusion or overmuch gaiety, and rendering such gaiety and amusement suitable to the ages of the children invited. When an evening's entertainment consists of a series of amusements, it is a mistake to crowd too great a variety into the space of four hours, the usual limits of a child's party, for if so the programme has to be hurriedly gone through, and is hardly finished before the hour of departure. No little judgment is required when organising juvenile parties. The hoursusually selected for children's parties, whether on a large or small scale, are from four to eight, five to nine, six to ten, or from seven to eleven.
The children on their arrivalare received in the drawing-room. In most cases their relatives, either mothers or grown-up sisters, are asked to accompany them.
There is great punctuality observed as regards the hour of arrival, and tea is usually served in the dining-room about half an hour after that named on the invitation card. The interim is generally passed by children in watching each fresh arrival, and in greeting their little acquaintances, comparing notes with each other as to the teas and the parties they are going to, or in amusing themselves with the toys belonging to the children of the house, which are usually arranged on tables for this purpose; and mechanical toys, walking and talking birds, etc., musical toys, picture-books, and dolls, and the latest and newest inventions in the way of playthings afford the little visitors an opportunity for becoming at ease with each other.
Tea is generally dispensed at one end of a long table, and coffee at the opposite end. The governess usually pours out the tea, and one of the daughters of the house the coffee; or failing her, the head nurse or lady's maid does so. Dishes of pound, plum, and sponge cake are placed the length of the table, interspersed with plates of thin bread-and-butter, biscuits, and preserves; either the ladies of the family or the servants in attendance hand them to the children.
When the relatives accompany the children tea is usually served to them in another room, but frequently they do not arrive until tea is over, and the nurses accompany the children to the house.
Amusements.—The arrangements for the evening's amusement are regulated in a measure by the amount of accommodation a house affords, premising that boisterousgames are not allowed in drawing-rooms, unless all valuable ornaments or things likely to be broken are removed from the rooms.
If conjuring is one of the amusements provided, it generally takes place in the drawing-room immediately after tea, and lasts about an hour. A dancing-cloth is put down over the drawing-room carpet; rout seats or cane chairs are arranged in rows. The youngest children are seated in the first row. Performing birds, performing dogs, or performing monkeys are also favourite amusements at these parties, and rank next to conjuring in the estimation of children. Punch and Judy or marionettes are popular drawing-room amusements, and either occupies the space of an hour.
When a cinematograph show is the entertainment provided, it takes place in the dining-room or library, or perhaps in the housekeeper's room, if large enough for the purpose.
Dancing or games usually precede these amusements, and lasts from half to three-quarters of an hour; little girls dance with each other round and square dances, as little girls are, as a rule, more partial to dancing than are little boys, although they one and all, great and small, join with glee in a country dance, or in the Tempête, or in "Sir Roger de Coverley."
Not longer than an hour is devoted to dancing, and this is usually followed by games.
Impromptu charades is a favourite pastime with children; but to avoid the juvenile audience becoming weary and impatient during the preparation of the charades it is as well they should be amused with some quiet game, such as "forfeits," "cross questions and crooked answers," "proverbs," etc. At Christmas and New Year's parties the distribution of presents is a very important feature; Christmas trees are now rather discarded in favour of greater novelties. "Father Christmas," "Santa Claus,""The Fairy Godmother," "The Fairies' Well," or the "Lucky Bag" and "The Magic Log," are some of the many devices for the distribution of presents; these popular characters are represented by grown-up persons, and provoke much wonder and admiration amongst children. The presents are usually given at the close of the evening.
Light Refreshmentsare provided in the dining-room—lemonade, wine and water, every description of cake, sandwiches, crystallised fruits, French plums, figs, almonds and raisins, oranges, etc. Bon-bons containing paper caps, etc., which afford children much amusement, are usually provided.
When a juvenile ball is given a supper is provided; otherwise light refreshments are considered sufficient, and are served twice during the evening. Sometimes the children of the family, if old enough and clever enough, act a little play—some nursery fairy tale, condensed into one act, such as "Beauty and the Beast," "Cinderella," etc.—which lasts about an hour, and is followed by dancing.
When a juvenile fancy ball is given, one or two fancy quadrilles are arranged beforehand, to be danced by the children in costume.
Writing Letters of Invitation, and answering letters of invitation, often occupy far longer time in the composition than the writers would care to confess. The difficulty does not lie in an invitation itself or in accepting or refusing it, but rather in the form in which either should be couched, the words that should be chosen, and the expressions that should be used; one person is afraid of being tooempressé, another of being too formal or too stiff; one is fearful of saying too little, another of saying too much.
When invitations are issued on dinner cards or on "at home" cards, the note of acceptance should be as brief as is the printed card of invitation, and to the printed card requesting the pleasure of Mrs. Blank's company at dinner, the stereotyped answer is invariably Mrs. Blank has much pleasure in accepting Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for Saturday the 21st, or Mrs. Blank regrets that a previous engagement will prevent her having the pleasure of accepting Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for Saturday, the 21st.
As regards those invitations that refer to visits of some days' duration, those accustomed to give this description of entertainment, know exactly what to say and how to say it. The conventional civilities or affectionate cordialities, as the case may be, occur in their proper places; but one point is made clear in either case, namely, the length of the visit to be paid. There are people who are under the impression that to specify the exact length of a visit is in a degree inhospitable, and not sufficiently polite; and they,therefore, as a sort of compromise, use the ambiguous term "a few days" in lieu of distinctly defining the limit of these invitations. So far from vague invitations such as these being an advantage to invited guests, they not seldom place them at a disadvantage at more points than one. They are uncertain on what day they are to take their departure. They do not wish by leaving a day earlier to disarrange any little plans that their hostess may have contemplated for their amusement; neither do they wish to prolong their visit a day later, lest by so doing they should break in upon any engagements that she may have formed on her own account independently of her visitors. It is also not a little awkward for guests to tell their hostess that they think of leaving on Thursday by 12.20 train. It might have suited the hostess very much better that her visitors should have left on the Wednesday, and in her own mind she had perhaps intended that the visit should end on that day; but, having left the invitation open, more or less, by saying "a few days," there is nothing left for her but to sacrifice her own arrangements to the convenience of her guests, as without discourtesy she could hardly suggest to them that they should leave a day earlier than the one they had named, and the visitors remain unconscious of having in any way trespassed upon the good nature of their hostess.
"A few days" is also an unsatisfactory wording of an invitation to visitors themselves; as a rule, it means three or four days, but there is also an uncertainty as to whether the fourth day should be taken or not. Those who interpret "a few days" to mean three days, make their plans for departure accordingly; failing this, they are compelled to leave their plans open, and stay from three to five days, according as chance and circumstances may dictate. A lady would perhaps require a little addition to her wardrobe in the matter of a five days' visit over that of a three days' stay; but this is a trifling detail, although it helps to swellthe list of minor inconveniences which are the result of vague invitations. There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, and there are people who use this phrase of "Will you come and see us for a few days?" in thebonâ fidesense of the word, and to whom it is immaterial whether their guests remain three days or six days; but such an elastic invitation as this is usually given to a relative, or to a very intimate friend, whose footing in the house is that of a relation, and with whom the hostess does not stand on ceremony, as far as her own engagements are concerned; and people on these friendly terms can talk over their departure with their hostess, and consult her about it without the faintest embarrassment.
The most satisfactory invitationis certainly the one that mentions the day of arrival and the day of departure. Thus, after theraison d'êtreof the invitation has been stated, the why and the wherefore of its being given follows the gist of the letter: "We hope you will come to us on Wednesday the 23rd, and remain until the 27th." It is, of course, open to a hostess to ask her visitors to prolong their stay beyond the date named if she sees reason for so doing; but this is the exception rather than the rule in the case of short visits, and guests take their departure as a matter of course on the day named in the invitation. Hostess and guests are perfectly at ease upon the subject, and guests do not feel on delicate ground with their hostess, or fear to outstay their welcome. When a visit has been paid it is polite, if not imperative, to write to the hostess and express the pleasure that has been derived from it. Oftener than not some little matter arises which necessitates a note being written apart from this; but whether or not, good feeling and good taste would dictate that some such note should be written, and, as it can always include little matters of general interest in connection with the past visit, it need neither be over ceremonious nor coldly polite.
To write a letter asking for an invitation, or to answer a letter asking for an invitation, is in either case a difficult letter to write, as many have ere this discovered. When a married lady asks for an invitation for a young relative or friend staying with her, to some dance or "at home" to which she herself is invited, the note is simple enough, and the answer is generally a card of invitation or a written permission to bring her. Again, in the case of asking for invitations for gentlemen, if a lady is going to a ball, she can without hesitation, ask for cards of invitation for one or two gentlemen friends of her own, mentioning their names in the note. In this case also the answer is generally in the affirmative, as men are always acquisitions at a ball. The awkwardness of the situation arises when a good-natured person is solicited to obtain an invitation to a smart ball for a lady and her daughters, or for the young ladies only, the latter knowing some one who would chaperon them if they could only get an invitation. If the lady who asks for the invitation is a fashionable ball-giver, the probability is that her request will be granted; but if the contrary, the reverse will most likely be the case. Even when writing to an intimate friend, there is always a delicacy in asking for an invitation for a third person, and society appears to become, year after year, still more exclusive on this point. Many people are reluctant, or decline altogether, to put themselves under an obligation of this nature, even for those with whom they are most intimate; it may be that the number of refusals good-natured people have received from their friends when trying to render services of this description, have made them chary of putting themselves forward again in a similar manner: it is chilling to be told that the list is over full, or that so many people have been refused already, or that there is not a card to spare. But a few years ago a ball was not considered a success unless it was an over-crowded one; the popularity of the ball-giver was shown by the guests scarcely being able to findstanding-room. Thus, invitations were given right and left to the friends of those who asked for them.
But the fashion of to-day is to style a crowded ball-room a "bear-garden," and to confine the invitations, with but very few exceptions, to those who are strictly on the visiting list of the ball-giver; and pretty girls may sigh in vain for an invitation to a ball given even by a relative or acquaintance of their own, if not on their visiting list. Still, invitations are constantly asked for by people for their friends, and sometimes they are given and sometimes they are refused, as the case may be, but much depends upon the position of the one who solicits the favour.
If the giver of an entertainment wishes to oblige the petitioner, she will stretch a point to do so; if not, she will write a polite note of excuse, giving one of the reasons before mentioned. It is thoroughly understood people do not ask for invitations for themselves, whatever they may do for their friends, and that they would not do so unless they were themselves invited. Living at a distance modifies, however, this latter rule; and friends in the country often ask for invitations for friends in town, andvice versâ.
Dinner invitationsare, as a matter of course, never asked for; but invitations to garden-parties, afternoon "at homes," and afternoon teas, are frequently asked for and readily given. Some are intimate enough at the house where they visit to take a relative or friend with them to these afternoon gatherings without observing the punctiliousness of asking for an invitation; others, on less intimate terms, do not venture upon doing so.
In all cases when an invitation is asked for, a hostess should never neglect to send a reply, and should not take for granted that her friends will naturally understand that silence gives consent, for under the circumstances it is very possible to interpret it to signify a refusal.
Manyreasons exist for declining invitations other than the plea of a prior engagement.
"Mrs. M. regrets ('much regrets,' or 'very much regrets') that a previous engagement prevents her having the pleasure of accepting Mrs. N.'s 'invitation,' or 'kind invitation.'" When on more intimate terms, Mrs. M. should write in the first person when declining an invitation. It is an open question whether the nature of the engagement should be stated or not. Even intimate friends often confine themselves to the statement of the bare fact only that a prior engagement exists; others, on the contrary, state the nature of the engagement, and there is no doubt that this latter course considerably softens a refusal and lessens the disappointment experienced, and therefore, when practicable, should always be followed.
When a prior engagement cannot be made the basis of a refusal, then the refusal must rest on other lines; ill health, a severe cold, etc., are valid excuses. Failing these, the refusal should be as follows:—"Mrs. Z. regrets she is unable to accept Mrs. X.'s kind invitation, etc."
It occasionally happens that it is desirable to break an engagement, circumstances having changed the aspect of things. The invitation, perhaps, was a verbal one, and a refusal was not easy at the moment.
Again, impromptu invitations are sometimes refused, having been too hastily accepted—the servant who broughtthe note waited for an answer, and on the impulse of the moment an affirmative answer was given; the wife had not time to consult her husband, and accepted for him as well as for herself; or perhaps some potent domestic reason that could not be explained induced a subsequent refusal.
The fashionable world accepts refusals as a matter of course, and fills up the gaps with other invitations.
Refusals of dinner invitations from those for whom a dinner-party was partly originated are always disappointing, even to the most popular of dinner givers, in the same way that the absence of the principal neighbour from a county entertainment is felt to cast a shadow over the proceedings of the day.
Although printed cards of acceptance and of refusal are in general use, yet many cases arise which render written refusals imperative.
As regards the refusal of invitations asked for, such requests should not be made unless on very safe ground, and with a certainty of meeting with acquiescence, yet occasionally these requests are either unwelcome or inadmissible, and refusals are consequently given; but, unless worded with tact and good nature, they are often the cause of strained relations between both friends and acquaintances.
The Usual Hours for Walkingin the Park are from 9 until 10.30 a.m. The hours for afternoon walking and sitting in the Park are from 4 to 7 p.m. during the summer months.
The fashionable hours for walking in the Park on Sunday are from 1 to 2 p.m., both in winter and summer; and from 5 to 7 p.m. in the summer months.
Married ladies can, if they please, walk out unaccompanied or unattended in places of public resort in town or on the parades of fashionable watering-places; but married ladies, especially if they are young, usually prefer the society of another lady, not so much, perhaps, for propriety as for companionship, as to walk alone, either in town or at fashionable watering-places, renders a lady more or less conspicuous, especially if she is attractive and well dressed.
A young lady can now also walk by herself in the Park for the purpose of joining her friends and acquaintances, both in the morning and in the afternoon, but she should not sit alone.
Again, young ladies may walk alone in the fashionable streets, but they should not loiter when alone at shop-windows as they pass, but walk at a quick pace from shop to shop, or from street to street.
In the quiet neighbourhoods of towns, suburban towns, and watering-places, young ladies walk unaccompaniedand unattended to visit their friends residing in the near vicinity of their homes, or to attend classes, or for the purpose of shopping, etc. Indeed, great independence is generally accorded in this respect, the line being drawn at evening hours—that is to say, at walking alone after dusk.
At watering-places, and at all public promenades, it is usual for gentlemen to join ladies with whom they are acquainted, and to walk with them for a short time when it is apparent that their company is desired, but not otherwise.
Ladies and gentlemen, whether related or not, should never walk arm-in-arm, unless the lady is an elderly one, or an invalid, and requires this support.
Driving.—From 3 to 6.30 are the received hours for the afternoon drive during the summer, and from 2.30 to 4.30 during the winter.
The following rules as regards entering and leaving a carriage apply to a motor-car or an electric brougham as far as the construction, make, and size of the same render it possible.
When driving in an open or close carriage or motor-car it is quite immaterial whether the owner occupies the right-hand or the left-hand seat. The seat she occupies depends upon which side she enters, as the lady driving with her should enter before her and should seat herself on the furthest seat.
A visitor should always enter the motor-car or carriage before the hostess.
When three ladies enter a motor-car or carriage the young unmarried lady should take the back seat and the two married ladies should occupy the front seat; this is a matter of courtesy on the part of a young lady due to married ladies and not strictly demanded by etiquette.
A husband should sit with his back to the horses, or bythe side of the chauffeur in the case of a motor-car, when a lady is driving with his wife.
A gentleman should be the first to get out of a motor-car or carriage, with a view to assisting the ladies to do so.
As a rule the hostess should leave the carriage or car after her guest and not before her, unless it is more convenient to do otherwise.
When a lady is merely calling for an acquaintance to take her for a drive, she should not descend from her car or carriage for the purpose of allowing her to enter it before her.
In the afternoon young ladies may drive alone in the public thoroughfares, unaccompanied by married ladies. It is permissible for a young lady to drive alone in the Park or in the streets. A married lady can, as a matter of course, drive unaccompanied.
It would be unconventional were a lady to drive alone with a gentleman in his motor-car, unless he were nearly related to her, or unless she were engaged to be married to him.
It is usual for the owner of a carriage to sit with her face to the horses; when a married lady is driving with her she should sit beside her. When young ladies are driving with her in addition to the married lady they should sit with their backs to the horses.
When a lady is driving with her husband, and a young lady accompanies her, she should not offer the front seat to the young lady, but should retain it herself, and even should the offer be made, a young lady should not avail herself of it.
Riding.—As regards riding in town, the hours for practice in the Row are from 8 to 10 a.m. in summer and 9 to 11 a.m. in winter, for inexperienced riders and beginners; young ladies ride with a riding-master or with a riding-mistress, or with a relative, as the case may be.
The hours for riding in the Park range from 9.30 to 10.30 a.m.
It is thoroughly understood that a lady may ride in the Park alone—that is, unaccompanied or unattended—for the purpose of joining her friends. It is argued, in these days of woman's emancipation, that no possible harm or annoyance can arise from the fact of a lady riding unattended, beyond the always possible chance of an accident.
Although great latitude is now allowed to young ladies with regard to riding alone, many parents still prefer that their daughters should be attended by their grooms.
Two ladies frequently ride together, unaccompanied by a gentleman and unattended by a groom.
Asregards the recognition of friends or acquaintances, it is the privilege of a lady to take the initiative, by being the first to bow. A gentleman should not raise his hat to a lady until she has accorded him this mark of recognition, although the act of bowing is a simultaneous action on the part of both lady and gentleman, as a lady would hardly bestow a bow upon a gentleman not prepared to return it.
The bow between intimate acquaintances takes the character, when given by a lady, of a familiar nod in place of a stiff bow.
When a gentleman returns the bowof a lady he should do so by distinctly taking his hat off and as quickly replacing it, not merely raising it slightly, as formerly, and if he is an intimate acquaintance or friend, he should act in a similar manner.
In France and on the Continent generally, the rule of bowing is reversed, and the gentleman is the first to bow to the lady, instead of the lady to the gentleman.
Between ladies but slightly acquainted, the one of highest rank should be the first to bow to the other; between ladies of equal rank it is immaterial which of the two bows first.
A lady should not bowto persons only known to her by sight, although she may frequently have seen them in the company of her friends.
A lady should bow to a gentleman, either a friend or acquaintance, even when he is walking with either a lady or gentleman, with whom she is unacquainted.
Gentlemen do not raise their hats in recognition of each other, but simply nod, when not walking with ladies, save when a vast difference exists in rank or age.
When a gentleman meets another—a friend of his—walking with a lady or ladies, with whom he himself is unacquainted, he should raise his hat and look straight before him, not at the lady or ladies.
A lady should not bow to another who, being a stranger to her, has addressed a few remarks to her at an afternoon party, as the fact of meeting at the house of a mutual friend does not constitute an acquaintanceship, and does not authorise a future bowing acquaintance.
Ladies, as a rule, are not too ready to bow to those whom they have merely conversed with in a casual way. In the first place, they are not quite certain of being remembered, and nothing is more disconcerting and disagreeable than to bow to a person who does not return it through forgetfulness of the one who has given it, or through shortsightedness, or through actual intention. Short-sighted people are always offending in the matter of not bowing, and almost every third person, comparatively speaking, complains of being more or less short-sighted; thus it behoves ladies to discover for themselves the strength and length of sight possessed by their new acquaintances, or the chances are that their bow may never be returned, or they may continue to labour under the impression that they have received a cut direct; thus many pleasant acquaintances are lost through this misapprehension, and many erroneous impressions created.
A bowing acquaintanceis a difficult and tiresome one to maintain for any length of time, when opportunities do not arise for increasing it. The irksomeness of keeping itup is principally experienced by persons meeting day after day in the Park or on public promenades, riding, driving, or walking, more especially when it is tacitly understood that the acquaintance should not develop into a further acquaintance.
It would be considered discourteous to discontinue a bowing acquaintance which has once been commenced.
To know a gentleman by sight through having frequently seen him at balls and parties, does not give a lady the right to bow to him, even though she may have stood beside him for some twenty minutes or so on a crowded staircase, and may have received some slight civility from him.
A lady who has received a little service from a stranger would gladly acknowledge it at any subsequent meeting by a pleasant bow, but as bowing to a gentleman argues an acquaintance with him, and as in such cases as these an acquaintance does not exist, etiquette provides no compromise in the matter. Therefore, if a young lady takes her own line, and rather than appear ungracious bows to a gentleman who has not been introduced to her either directly or indirectly, it is a breach of etiquette on her part; and as to do an unconventional thing is not desirable, the innumerable little services which ladies receive in general society are not further acknowledged beyond the thanks expressed at the moment of their being received.
Bows vary materially: there is the friendly bow, the distant bow, the ceremonious bow, the deferential bow, the familiar bow, the reluctant bow, and so on, according to the feelings that actuate individuals in their intercourse with each other.
When a bowing acquaintance only exists between ladies and gentlemen, and they meet perhaps two or three times during the day, and are not sufficiently intimate to speak, they do not usually bow more than once, when thus meeting in park or promenade.
Cockades are wornby servants in livery of officers in the army and navy, and all those who hold His Majesty's commission; also of lords-lieutenants and deputy-lieutenants.
Retainers of the Crown are entitled to the use of the cockade as a badge of the reigning dynasty.
The fact that cockades are now so frequently worn by men-servants may be accounted for thus:
Deputy-lieutenants are far more numerous now than was formerly the case; almost every country gentleman is a deputy-lieutenant, and consequently his servants are entitled to the use of the cockade. The privilege of appearing in uniform at levées instead of in Court dress has been and is an incentive to many to seek for and obtain the appointment of deputy-lieutenant. Again, all justices of the peace claim the use of the cockade as being "Civil retainers of the Crown"; and although there is no clearly defined rule on this head, according to the late Sir Albert Woods, Garter-King-at-Arms, it has long been tacitly conceded to them.
The custom of livery servants wearing cockades dates from the commencement of the eighteenth century, and was at first purely a military distinction.
The cockade worn by the servants of the members of the Royal Family, and by all who claim to be of Royal descent, is slightly different in shape from that known asthe badge of the reigning dynasty,i.e.the Hanoverian badge, and is round in shape and without a fan. The military cockade is of an oval shape, terminating in a fan. The civil cockade is of an oval shape also, but without the fan. The naval cockade is identical with the civil cockade.
The white cockade is the badge of the House of Stuart. The black cockade that of the House of Hanover. The servants of foreign ambassadors wear cockades in colour according to their nationalities. Black and white for Germany; black and yellow for Austria; the tricolour for France; scarlet for Spain; blue and white for Portugal; and black and yellow for Belgium.
The word cockade, according to a well-known authority, was borrowed from the Frenchcocarde, having originally been applied to the plumes of cock's feathers worn by Croatian soldiers serving in the French army. Some such plume, or in its place a bunch of ribbons, came to be used in pinning up the flaps of the hat into a cocked position, and thus gradually the word passed for the name of the "cocked" hat itself.