If invited by a new acquaintance, the cards should be left a few days after the entertainment, but if by a less recent acquaintance they should be left within ten days or a fortnight, but the earlier the cards are left the greater the politeness shown.
If a bachelor acquaintance gives an entertainment, the same rule applies as to the necessity of cards being left on him by those gentlemen but slightly acquainted with him who have been invited to the entertainment.
When a gentleman has been invited to an entertainment given at the house of a new acquaintance, whether the acquaintance be a lady or a gentleman, it would be etiquette for him to leave his card upon them on their arrival in town or elsewhere, even though they may not have invited himto any subsequent entertainment given by them within the year. If during the following year they do not again invite him, he might consider the acquaintance at an end and cease to call. These complimentary calls made, or rather cards left, should not average more than four during the year.
Memorial Cardsare out of date in society, and consequently should not be sent to either relatives or friends.
A widow should not make use of her christian name on her visiting cards to distinguish her from other members of her late husband's family. Her cards should be printed as during his lifetime.
FOOTNOTES:[1]It is, however, permissible on the occasion of afirstcall to say, "I shall leave my card in the hall to remind you of my address"; or some such phrase.
[1]It is, however, permissible on the occasion of afirstcall to say, "I shall leave my card in the hall to remind you of my address"; or some such phrase.
[1]It is, however, permissible on the occasion of afirstcall to say, "I shall leave my card in the hall to remind you of my address"; or some such phrase.
Ladiesstand upon strict and ceremonious etiquette with each other as regards both paying and receiving calls. Ignorance or neglect of the rules which regulate paying calls, brings many inconveniences in its train; for instance, when a lady neglects to pay a call due to an acquaintance, she runs the risk of herself and daughters being excluded from entertainments given by the said acquaintance.
When a call has not been made within a reasonable time, a coldness is apt to arise between ladies but slightly acquainted with each other. Some ladies take this omission good-naturedly or indifferently, while with others the acquaintance merges into a mere bowing acquaintance to be subsequently dropped altogether.
The first principle of calling is, that those who are the first to arrive in town should be thefirstto call upon their acquaintances to intimate their return.
"Morning calls," so designated on account of their being made before dinner, are, more strictly speaking, "afternoon calls," as they should only be made between the hours of three and six o'clock.
Calls made in the morning—that is before one o'clock—would not come under the denomination of "morning calls," as they can only be made by intimate friends and not by acquaintances, and are not, therefore, amenable to the rules of etiquette which govern the afternoon calls, which calls are regulated in a great measure—as to thehour of calling—by the exact degree of intimacy existing between the person who calls and the person called upon. From three to four o'clock is the ceremonious hour for calling; from four to five o'clock is the semi-ceremonious hour; and from five to six o'clock is the wholly friendly and without ceremony hour.
If a lady is driving when she calls at the house of an acquaintance, she should say to her servant, "Ask if Mrs. A—— is at home."
When a lady is walking, she should ask the same question herself.
When the answer is in the negative, she should leave one of her own cards and one of her husband's, and should say to the servant, "For Mr. and Mrs. A——."
When the answer is in the affirmative, the lady should enter the house without further remark and follow the servant to the drawing-room.
The servant should go before the visitor, to lead the way to the drawing-room, and, however accustomed a visitor may be to a house, it is still the proper etiquette for the servant to lead the way, and announce him or her to his mistress; and this rule should not be dispensed with, except in the case of very near relations or very intimate friends.
At the drawing-room door the servant waits for a moment until the visitor has reached the landing, when the visitor should give his or her name to the servant, "Mr. A——" or "Mrs. A——," should the servant be unacquainted with it.
If the visitor calling bears the title of "Honourable" it should not be mentioned by him or her to the servant when giving the name, neither should it be mentioned by the servant when announcing the visitor.
All titles are given in full by the servants of those who bear them, thus: "The Duke and Duchess of A——," "The Marquis and Marchioness of B——," "The Earland Countess of C——," "Viscount and Viscountess D——," "Lord and Lady E——," etc.; but a marchioness, a countess, or a viscountess when giving her name to be announced at a morning call would style herself "Lady A——" only.
A gentleman or lady should never give his or her visiting card to the servant when the mistress of the house is at home.
A servant should not knock at the drawing-room door when announcing visitors. The servant, on opening the drawing-room door, should stand inside the doorway, he should not stand behind the door, but well into the room; facing the mistress of the house if possible, and should say, "Mr. A——," or "Mrs. A——."
When the mistress of the house is not in the drawing-room when a visitor arrives, the visitor should seat herself and rise at her entrance.
Visitors should not make any inquiries of the servant as to how long his mistress will be, or where she is, or what she is doing, etc. Visitors are not expected to converse with the servants of their acquaintances, and should not enter into conversation with them.
Formerly a gentleman when calling, took his hat and stick in his hand with him into the drawing-room, and held them until he had seen the mistress of the house and shaken hands with her. He either placed them on a chair or table near at hand or held them in his hand, according as to whether he felt at ease or the reverse, until he took his leave. Many middle-aged and elderly men still follow this fashion in a degree, and take their hats and sticks into the drawing-room when making formal calls.
The newer fashion amongst younger men is to leave their hats and sticks in the hall and not to take them into the drawing-room with them when calling. To do this is now very general, as hats are in the way if tea is going on;besides, men were apt to forget where they placed their hats, and frequently had to return to the drawing-room in search of them.
At "at homes," small afternoon teas, luncheons, dinners, etc., the rule is the same, and hats are left in the hall by invited guests.
A gentleman should not take his stick or umbrella with him into the drawing-room, but leave it in the hall.
When gentlemen wear gloves, they can take them off or keep them on as they please, it is immaterial which they do, but when a call is made when tea is going on, it is more usual to take them off.
When the mistress of the house is in the drawing-room when a visitor is announced—and she should so arrange her occupations as always to be found there on the afternoons when she intends being "at home" should visitors call—she should rise, come forward, and shake hands with her visitor. She should not ask her visitor to be seated, or to "take a seat," but she might say, "Where will you sit?" or, "Will you sit here?" or something to this effect; and should at once sit down and expect her visitor to do the same, as near to herself as possible.
Both hostess and visitor should guard against displaying a fussy demeanour during a morning call, as a morning call is oftener than not atête-à-tête, and atête-à-têtebetween two persons but slightly acquainted with each other requires a considerable amount of tact andsavoir vivreto be sustained with ease and self-possession. A fussy woman is without repose, without dignity, and withoutsavoir vivre.
A hostess betrays that she is not much accustomed to society when she attempts to amuse her visitor by the production of albums, photographs, books, illustrated newspapers, portfolios of drawings, the artistic efforts of the members of the family, and the like; conversation being all that is necessary, without having recourse to pictorial displays.
If not intimate enough to refer to family matters, the conversation should turn on light topics of the hour.[2]
People unused to society are apt to fall back upon the above adventitious aids. A hostess should rely solely upon her own powers of conversation to make the short quarter of an hour—which is the limit of a ceremonious call—pass pleasantly to her visitor. The hostess should not offer her visitor any refreshments, wine and cake, for instance. No refreshments whatever, save tea, should be offered to morning visitors; they are not supposed to require them.
In the country it is customary to offer sherry to gentlemen callers, and to order tea for the ladies, even though the call is made rather early in the afternoon, and a little before the hour for having tea.
Ceremonious visits are usually paid before the hour of half-past four; but if tea is brought in while the visitor is in the drawing-room, or if the visitor calls while the hostess is having tea, she should naturally offer her visitor tea.
When the mistress of the house only expects a few callers, "tea" is placed on a small table—a silver tray being generally used for the purpose. The hostess should pour out the tea herself; when a gentleman is present, he should hand the cups to the visitors or visitor, otherwise the hostess should herself do so, and then hand the sugar and cream, without asking whether her visitors will have either, unless she is preparing the cups of tea herself, in which case she should ask the question.
When a second visitor arrives, ten or fifteen minutes after the first visitor, the first visitor should take her leave as soon as she conveniently can. When the second visitor is a lady, the hostess should rise and shake hands with her, and then seat herself; the first visitor, if a lady, should not rise; if a gentleman, he should do so.
A hostess should also rise and come forward when a gentleman is announced; this gives her an opportunity oftalking to him for a few moments on his first entering the room. The second visitor should at once seat him or herself near to the hostess.
She should introduce the callers to each other unless she has some especial reason for not doing so. She could, however, in the course of conversation merely mention the name of each caller, so that each may become aware of the name of the other. This is now often done when formal introductions are not made. If the hostess possesses tact, and a facility and readiness of speech, she should skilfully draw both callers into the conversation (a subject which is fully enlarged upon in "The Art of Conversing"). The hostess should not take this latter course unless aware that the two visitors would be likely to appreciate each other.
When one visitor arrives immediately after the other, the hostess should converse equally with both visitors, and the lady who was the first to arrive should be the first to leave, after a call of from ten to fifteen minutes. When only one visitor is present the hostess should accompany her to the door of the drawing-room, and linger for a few moments, whilst the visitor is descending the stairs. To do so would not be imperative, but it would be courteous. When the host is present he should accompany the lady downstairs into the hall; this also is an optional civility, and greatly depends upon the estimation in which the lady is held by host and hostess.
When two visitors are present the hostess should rise and shake hands with the departing visitor; but unless a person of greater consideration than the visitor who still remained seated, she should not accompany her to the drawing-room door.
One visitor should not rise from her seat when another is about to take her leave. When visitors are acquainted with each other they should rise and shake hands. When one of the visitors is a gentleman he should rise, even ifunacquainted with the lady who is about to take her leave; he should not remain seated when the hostess is standing.
When two visitors, either two ladies or two gentlemen, have slightly conversed with each other during a morning call, they should not shake hands with each other on leaving, but should merely bow. When they have not spoken to each other, they should not bow.
When they have been formally introduced they should still only bow, unless the acquaintance has progressed into sudden intimacy through previous knowledge of each other.
When one of the visitors present is a gentleman he should open the drawing-room door for the departing visitor, but he should not accompany her downstairs unless requested by the hostess to do so; the visitor should bow to him and thank him, but not shake hands with him.
When the hostess has shaken hands with a guest, and before crossing the room with her, she should ring the drawing-room bell, that the servant may be in readiness in the hall to open the door. She should ring the bell even if the host were accompanying the lady downstairs. It would be thoughtless on the part of the hostess to forget to ring the bell to give notice to the servant that a visitor was leaving.
In the country, the caller before rising to depart sometimes asks if she may ring for her motor-car to come round. When the hostess is in reach of the bell, she should ring it for her; when a gentleman is present, he should do so. On the servant's entrance, the caller should say, "My motor-car, please!"
When a lady is calling on a friend, the guest of some one with whom she herself is unacquainted, or even but slightly acquainted, she should in both cases ask if her friend is at home, and not if the mistress of the house is at home; and having paid her visit, on leaving the house she should leave cards for its mistress if she is slightly acquainted with her, but should not do so if she is unacquainted with her.
When a lady has a guest staying on a visit to her, if convenient, she should, when her guest expected visitors, absent herself from the drawing-room at that particular time, unless the expected visitors are mutual friends of herself and guest.
If she is in the drawing-room with her guests when a visitor is announced so as to render an introduction inevitable, a formal introduction should be made, but the mistress of the house, after a very few minutes, should make some excuse, quietly leave the room, and not return until after the departure of the visitor. It would be inconsiderate were the mistress of the house to remain in the drawing-room while calls were paid to her guest by strangers to herself unless at her guest's particular request. When a visitor is a gentleman, and the guest a young unmarried lady, the mistress of the house should remain in the drawing-room to chaperon her.
When the mistress of the house is desirous of making the acquaintance of any particular friend of her guest, from whom she expected a visit, when the visit occurs and previous to the visitor taking her leave, the guest should ask if she will allow her to introduce her to the lady with whom she is staying. If her visitor desires the introduction, she should then ring and request the servant to tell his mistress that Mrs. A. is in the drawing-room, which message the hostess would understand to mean that her presence is desired, and the introduction would then be made on her appearing. An introduction, if made in this manner, could become the basis of a future acquaintance, both ladies having had the option of refusing the acquaintance of the other if so disposed; whereas a forced introduction where no option is given would hardly count as the basis of a future acquaintance unless the ladies thus introduced mutually appreciated each other.
In the country a guest seldom has friends and acquaintances in the neighbourhood, who are unknown to herhostess; if otherwise, the hostess should give her guest the opportunity of seeing her visitor by leaving them together when the call is made.
When a guest is present when the mistress of a house is receiving callers, she should introduce them to her guest or her guest to them, according to the rank of either (seeChapter II.).
When a lady is driving with a friend who is a stranger to the acquaintance on whom she is calling, she should not take her into the house with her while she makes her call, unless she is a young lady, or unless there is some especial reason for introducing the two ladies to each other, or unless both ladies have expressed a wish to become acquainted with each other. Husbands and wives occasionally pay calls together, but oftener they do not. A lady, as a rule, pays a call by herself, unless she has a grown-up daughter, when she should accompany her mother.
Occasionally two ladies, both intimate with the lady of the house, pay their calls together. A family party, of father and mother and daughter, or daughters, rarely call in town together, save under very exceptional circumstances; but in the country a family party of three or four would, as a matter of course, call together; it is country etiquette to do so.
A considerable difference exists with regard to "Sunday calls," or calling on Sundays. Ladies should not pay ceremonious calls on Sundays; it would not be etiquette for an acquaintance to call on a Sunday, it would rather be considered a liberty, unless she were expressly asked to do so. Intimate friends, on the contrary, often make Sunday a special day for calling, and therefore, ladies and gentlemen—more especially gentlemen—extend their calling hours from three until six o'clock on Sundays.
When a lady is acquainted with the daughters of a family only, and not with their father or mother, she should call on the daughters, who should at once introduce her totheir mother on the next occasion of calling. If the mother is not present, the lady calling should leave cards for her; and at all morning calls, when the daughters of the house receive a ceremonious visit from an acquaintance, in the absence of their mother, whether from indisposition or any other cause, cards should be left for her in the hall before leaving by the lady calling (seeChapter III.).
In all cases, when "morning calls" are made, and the lady called on is not at home, cards should be left according to the etiquette described inChapter II., an etiquette which should be strictly observed; when the lady called on is "at home," cards should be left for the gentlemen of the family, according to the same rules of card-leaving, which cannot be too punctiliously followed.
A mistress of a house should inform her servant after or before luncheon, or before the hours for calling, whether she intends to be "at home" to visitors or not during the afternoon.
"Not at home" is the understood formula expressive of not wishing to see visitors.
"Not at home" is not intended to imply an untruth, but rather to signify that for some reason, or reasons, it is not desirable to see visitors; and as it would be impossible to explain to acquaintances the why and the wherefore of its being inconvenient to receive visitors, the formula of "Not at home" is all-sufficient explanation, provided always that a servant is able to give a direct answer at once of "Not at home" when the query is put to him. If a servant is not sure as to whether his mistress wishes to see visitors or not, it is almost a direct offence to the lady calling if he hesitates as to his answer, and leaves her either sitting in her carriage or standing in the hall, while "He will see if his mistress is 'at home,'" perhaps returning with the unsatisfactory answer that she is "Not at home"; in which case the intimation is almost received as a personal exclusion rather than as a general exclusion of visitors.
If a lady is dressing to go out when a visitor calls, the servant can mention that fact to a visitor calling, and offer to ascertain if his mistress will see the caller; and the caller should use her own discretion as to whether she will allow him to do so or not; but unless the visit is one of importance, it would be best in such a case only to leave cards.
When a second visitor calls, a servant should not be permitted to say that his mistress is "engaged with a lady," or "with a gentleman," but should usher the second caller into the drawing-room, as he has previously done the first caller. He should not inquire as to whether his mistress will see the second caller or not. Neither should he inform the second caller as to whether any one is or is not with his mistress, as ignorant servants are too apt to do.
It is not usual to offer coffee at afternoon tea; tea only is given. To offer coffee is a foreign fashion, and not an English one.
"Morning" callers should not be conducted to the dining-room to have tea; and tea is only served in the dining-room on the occasion of a large afternoon tea, or afternoon "at home," etc. (See chapter on "Afternoon 'At Homes,'" p.151.)
The tea hour varies from 4 to 4.30 o'clock. When callers are present at 4 o'clock, tea should be brought in at that hour. It should be placed upon a small table, which is first covered with a white linen or damask tea-cloth. The tea-tray should be large enough to hold, in addition to the china, silver teapot, etc., an urn for hot water, which should be brought in and placed upon it. A stand containing hot cakes, an uncut cake, small cakes, tiny sandwiches, and thin bread-and-butter should be placed near to the tea-table. Tiny tea-plates should be placed in a pile upon the tea-tray, they being in general use. The hostess or her daughter should pour out the tea.
Apart from the foregoing style of afternoon tea is thenewer fashion of what might be termed "a round-table tea," at which hostess and guests sit, but this style is more usual at country houses than in town houses at present, on account of the space required, if for no other reason. The tea is served in a smaller drawing-room, upon a large round or oval table, which is covered with a white table-cloth, upon which the tea-tray with all its contents is placed. Cakes, hot and cold, sandwiches, pastry, fruit, jam, bread-and-butter, biscuits, dry toast, etc., are given, and the visitors seated at the table help themselves to what they require. The hostess pours out the tea and hands the cups as when guests are not seated in this way. Dessert plates and dessert knives and forks should be placed on the table beside the small tea-plates, to be taken as required.
FOOTNOTES:[2]See work entitled "The Art of Conversing."
[2]See work entitled "The Art of Conversing."
[2]See work entitled "The Art of Conversing."
Theorder of precedency due to each individual according to rank is a matter of great importance at official banquets and at ceremonious dinner-parties, when its correct observance should be strictly adhered to.
As regards Precedency amongst Royal Personages, the Sovereign takes precedence of all others in the realm; the King takes precedence of Queen Mary. The Prince of Wales takes precedence of the Duke of Connaught. Queen Alexandra takes precedence of the Royal Princesses. The Royal Princesses take precedence of their husbands, Prince Christian and the Duke of Argyll.
The Precedency accorded to Foreign Royal Personagesin this country very much depends upon their individual rank. Imperial Highnesses and Royal Highnesses take precedence of Serene Highnesses.
The Precedency accorded to Eastern Princesis generally synonymous with that accorded to Serene Highnesses; but in some instances the claims of individual precedency are so difficult to define, that in official cases it is sometimes necessary to make a special rule as to the amount of precedency to be allowed.
As regards General Precedency, archbishops, ambassadors, The Lord High Chancellor, The Prime Minister, Lord Chancellor of Ireland, Lord President of the Council, and Lord Privy Seal, take precedence ofdukes; dukes take precedence of earls, and so on throughout the various degrees of nobility.
Foreign Ministers and Envoystake precedence next after dukes, in the order of their seniority of service in England. In all cases where precedency is to be established between persons of equal rank it is necessary to refer to a Peerage for date of creation of title, as this actually decides all precedency.
For Precedency due to Baronetsand their wives a Baronetage should be consulted.
For Precedency due to Knightsand their wives a Knightage should be consulted in reference to each order of knighthood.
For the Precedency due to the Legal Professiona Law List should be consulted when it is not defined by office or birth.
For the Precedency due to the Clergya Clergy List should be consulted when superior preferment or birth does not define it.
For the Precedency due to Officersin the army and navy an Army List and a Navy List should be consulted to determine the precedency due to each in the separate Services.
Officers should be sent in to Dinneraccording to the dates of commission, but no branch of the Army takes precedence over the other as regards rank of officers; that is to say, a colonel of 1901, of say, a West India regiment, would precede a colonel of Guards, artillery or cavalry of 1902 promotion. Drawn up on a brigadeparade, the cavalry take the right of the line; thus: Artillery, Royal Engineers, foot guards and regular regiments, regiments and West India regiments, in the order named in the Army List.
As regards Precedency between Officersof the combined Services a table of "Relative Rank and Precedency in the Army and Navy" should be consulted, as a captain in the navy after three years' service ranks with a colonel in the army, a lieutenant of the navy of eight years' standing ranks with a major in the army, and a lieutenant under that standing in the navy, ranks with a captain in the army, etc.
Consulate officers also take precedence according to seniority of service in England and date of official arrival. The Foreign Office List of the current year should be consulted for date in each instance.
As regards the Precedence due to Widowsbearing titles who have married again: The widow of a peer married to a commoner retains her title by courtesy, and the precedency due to the title is accorded to her.
When the Widow of a Dukemarries a person of lower rank than that of her late husband, she still retains her precedency.
The Daughter of a Peerif married to a baronet or a commoner retains her precedency, but if married to a baron her precedency is merged in that of her husband.
The Widow of a Baronetmarried to a commoner retains her title by right and not by courtesy.
The Widow of a Knightmarried to a commoner retains her title by courtesy only, but the precedency due to the widow of a knight is accorded to her.
When the Daughter of a Dukemarries a peer she takes the precedency due to the rank of her husband; if she marries a commoner, precedency is accorded to her due to the daughter of a duke.
Age confers no Precedencyon either sex. Equals in rank from the highest to the lowest take precedence according to the creation of their title and not as regards the age of the person bearing the title. As, for instance, a youthful duke would take precedence of an aged duke, if the title of the youthful duke bore an earlier date than that of the aged duke. The same rule applies equally to baronets and knights.
When two earls are present at a dinner-party, the date of their respective patents of nobility decides the order of precedency due to them.
A host or hostess should always consult a "Peerage" or a "Baronetage" if in doubt as to the precedence due to expected guests bearing titles; wealth or social position are not taken into account in this matter, it being strictly a question of date.
The Precedence due to Ladies of Equal Ranktakes effect in the same manner. Thus, a young wife of a baronet takes precedence over the elderly wife of a baronet if the creation of her husband's title bears an earlier date.
When the Claims to Precedency of Persons of Equal Rankclash, the claims of a gentleman should be waived in favour of those of a lady, should the persons be of opposite sexes. Thus, if two couples of superior rank to the other guests were present at a dinner-party, the host should take down the lady of highest rank, and the hostess should be taken down by the gentleman of highest rank, in which case the lady second in rank should go in to dinnerbeforeher husband, although the gentleman taking her down to dinner were of lower rank than her husband.
Esquires, and the Wives of Esquires, take precedence according to their social position. Members of Parliament have no precedence, though it is often accorded to them as a matter of courtesy, especially in the county which they represent; the wives of members of Parliament are likewise entitled to no precedence on the ground of their husbands being members of Parliament.
The High Sheriff of a Countytakes precedence over all other gentlemen in the county, of whatever rank, save the lord-lieutenant, according to the Royal warrant issued by His late Majesty King Edward, giving precedence to lord-lieutenants of counties before high sheriffs.
The High Sheriffout of his particular county has no precedence, neither has a lord-lieutenant; and the wives of either lords-lieutenants or high sheriffs take no precedence on account of their husbands' official dignity.
An Assize Judgetakes precedence over the high sheriff as the assize judge represents the Sovereign of the Realm.
Clergymen, Barristers-at-Law, officers in the army and navy take precedence over esquires on account of such rank; and in each profession precedence should be accorded them according to dignity, date of ordination, date of call, and date of commission in their several professions, assuming that the rank is equal.
High Clerical and Legal Dignitariestake special precedence; for instance, the Archbishop of Canterbury takes precedence of all dukes, and the Lord Chancellor takes precedence of the Archbishop of York, who also takesprecedence of dukes; bishops take precedence of all barons, whatever their date of creation. The Lord Chief Justice, the Master of the Rolls, when not peers, and all judges of the High Court of Justice in their various divisions, take precedence after Privy Councillors and before baronets and all knights, save the Knights of the Garter.
The Relative Rank between Officers of the Army and Navyand doctors of divinity is somewhat difficult to determine as regards the precedence to be given them at a dinner-party. "Dod" places "esquires by office, which, of course, includes all officers of the army and navy," nextbeforethe younger sons of knights and before doctors in divinity, who follow next in order; while "Lodge" places "officers of the navy and army"afterthe younger sons of knights bachelor, clergymen, and barristers-at-law.
Precedency at Dinner-Parties.—When royalty is present at a dinner-party, a prince of blood royal takes precedence of a princess, and leads the way with the hostess, the host following next with the princess. On the other hand, a princess of the blood royal takes precedence of a foreign prince—her husband—and leads the way with the host.
The Host should take down the Lady of Highest Rank, and lead the way with her to the dining-room. The guests should follow the host in couples according to the degree of precedence due to them, and the hostess should follow the last couple with the gentleman of highest rank present.
When a Greater Number of Gentlementhan ladies are present at a dinner-party, as is often the case, these gentlemen should follow the hostess to the dining-room and not precede her.
When a Widow or Maiden Lady is Hostess, and there is no gentleman of the family present to act as host, the gentleman second in rank should take down the lady of highest rank, leading the way with her to the dining-room, the hostess following last, with the gentleman of highest rank.
In the Case of either a Husband's Sisteror a wife's sister being required to act as hostess, precedence should be given to the wife's sister.
An Eldest Son's Wifeshould take precedence of her husband's sisters in his father's house.
As regards the precedence due to the relatives of a host or hostess, it should give way in favour of that due to the guests not related to the host or hostess, although their relatives might be, perhaps, of higher rank than the guests themselves.
Occasionally, the eldest son of the house acts as second host, taking down a lady second or third in rank; but the daughters of the house should always be taken down to dinner after the other ladies present, and in no case before them.
No precedence is accorded to either a lady or a gentleman by virtue of a mother's rank.
No precedence is accorded to brides in society, though occasionally in the country old-fashioned people consider it due to a bride to send her in to dinner with the host on the occasion of her first dining at a house within three months of her marriage.
Thecolloquial application of titles differs materially from the application of titles when not used colloquially, and many persons are in doubt as to whether they should or should not make use colloquially of titles in full.
His Majesty the King should be addressed as "Sir" by all those who come in social contact with him; and by all others as "Your Majesty."
Her Majesty Queen Mary should be addressed as "Ma'm" by all those who come in social contact with her; and by all others as "Your Majesty."
Her Majesty Queen Alexandra should be addressed as "Ma'm" by all those who come in social contact with her; and by all others as "Your Majesty."
The Prince of Wales, the Duke of Connaught, and all princes of the blood royal, should be addressed by the upper classes as "Sir."
The princesses of the blood royal, should be addressed as "Ma'm" by the upper classes. The wives of the princes of the blood royal should also be addressed as "Ma'm" by the upper classes.
All crowned heads visiting England should be addressed as "Sir" by those socially known to them, and as "Your Majesty" by all others. The Royal ladies, their wives, should be addressed as "Ma'm" by those personally known to them, and as "Your Majesty" by all others.
A foreign prince bearing the title of Serene Highness should be addressed as "Prince," and not as "Sir," by thearistocracy and gentry, and as "Your Serene Highness" by all other classes.
A foreign princess, also bearing the title of serene highness, should be styled "Princess" when addressed colloquially by the upper classes, but not as "Ma'am"; and as "Your Serene Highness" by all other classes.
An English duke should be addressed as "Duke" by the aristocracy and gentry, and not as "Your Grace" by members of either of these classes. All other classes should address him colloquially as "Your Grace."
An English duchess should be addressed as "Duchess" by all persons conversing with her belonging to the upper classes, and as "Your Grace" by all other classes.
A marquess, colloquially, should be addressed as "Lord A."
A marchioness should be addressed as "Lady A." by the upper classes. It would be a mistake to address an English marquess as "Marquess," or a marchioness as "Marchioness," colloquially speaking. All other classes should address them either as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship," "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship."
An earl should be addressed as "Lord B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
A countess should be addressed as "Lady B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
A viscount should be addressed as "Lord C." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
A viscountess should be addressed as "Lady C." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
A baron should be addressed as "Lord D." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
A baroness should be addressed as "Lady D." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
In strictly official or business intercourse a marquess, an earl, a viscount, a baron, and a younger son of a duke or marquis, should be addressed as "My Lord."
The eldest son of a duke should be addressed as "Lord A." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
The wife of the eldest son of a duke should be addressed as "Lady A." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
The younger sons of a duke should be addressed as "Lord John E." or "Lord Charles E." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. Persons well acquainted with them would address them colloquially by their title and christian name, as "Lord John" or "Lord Charles." The same remark applies to their wives, who are often colloquially addressed as "Lady Alfred" or "Lady Edward."
The wives of the younger sons of a duke should be addressed as "Lady John E." or "Lady Charles E." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
The daughters of a duke should be addressed as "Lady Mary A." or "Lady Elizabeth B." by the upper classes, and as "Lady Mary" and "Lady Elizabeth" by those intimate with them, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
The eldest son of a marquess should be addressed as "Lord A." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
The wife of the eldest son of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady A." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
The younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as"Lord Henry B." and "Lord Frederick B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
The wives of the younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady Henry B." and "Lady Frederick B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
The daughters of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady Florence B." and "Lady Sarah B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
The eldest son of an earl should be addressed as "Lord C." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
The wife of the eldest son of an earl should be addressed as "Lady C." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
The daughters of an earl should be addressed as "Lady Blanche" and "Lady Evelyn" by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
The younger sons of earls, and both eldest and younger sons of viscounts and barons, only bear the courtesy title of honourable. The daughters of viscounts and barons also bear the courtesy title of honourable. This title should never be used colloquially, "The Hon. Cecil Blank," "The Hon. Mrs. Cecil Blank," and "The Hon. Mary Blank," should be styled "Mr., Mrs., and Miss Mary Blank."
Baronets should be addressed by their full title and surname, as Sir John Blank, by the upper classes, and by their titles and christian names only by all other classes.
Baronets' wives should be addressed as "Lady B." or "Lady C," according to the surnames of their husbands: thus, "Sir John Blank's" wife should be addressed as "Lady Blank" by the upper classes, not as "Lady John Blank"—to do so would be to give her the rank of the wife of the younger son of a duke or marquis instead of that ofa baronet's wife only—and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
The wives of knights should be addressed as "Lady B." or "Lady C.," according to the surnames of their husbands: thus, "Sir John Blank's" wife should be addressed as "Lady Blank" by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
In addressing Foreigners of Rank colloquially, the received rule is to address them by their individual titles and surnames.
A prince or princess should be addressed by their full title: thus, "Prince Munich," or "Princess Munich," by the upper classes. Persons intimate with them usually address them as "Prince" or "Princess," as the case may be.
In the case of a prince being a younger son, and not the reigning head of the house, his christian name is generally used after his title when addressing him: thus, "Prince Louis," in lieu of "Prince" only. The same remark applies to the unmarried daughters of princes. They also should be addressed by their christian name, in addition to their title of "Princess," by the aristocracy and gentry, and as "Your Serene" or "Your Imperial Highness," according to their birth and title, by all other classes.
A French duke should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Rouen," by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Duc" by all other classes.
A French duchess should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of madame: thus, "Madame de Rouen" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Duchesse" by all other classes.
A marquis should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Harfleur" by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Marquis" by all other classes.
A marquise should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of madame: thus, "Madame la Harfleur" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Marquise" by all other classes.
A comte should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Montpellier" by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Comte" by all other classes.
A comtesse should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of madame: thus, "Madame de Montpellier" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Comtesse" by all other classes.
A vicomte should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Toulouse" by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Vicomte" by all other classes.
A vicomtesse should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of madame: thus, "Madame de Toulouse" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Vicomtesse" by all other classes.
A baron should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Baron" by all other classes.
A baronne should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of madame: thus, "Madame d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Baronne" by all other classes.
A young unmarried lady should be addressed as "Mademoiselle d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as "Mademoiselle" by all other classes.
In German titles the distinction of "Von" before the surname is seldom used colloquially, the title and surname being used without the prefix of "Von." Thus, "Count von Ausberg" should be addressed as "Count Ausberg" in conversation, and not as "Monsieur le Comte."
Foreign ladies of rank should be addressed by their title and surname, and not by their title only, and the prefix "Von" should be omitted; but in the case of a French or Italian title the "de" or "de la" before the surname should on no account be omitted.
When Englishmen are extremely intimate with foreigners of rank they would, in conversation, probably address them by their surnames; but only thorough intimacy and friendship warrants this familiarity.
As regards addressing the Clergy, an archbishop should be addressed colloquially as "Archbishop" by the upper classes, and as "Your Grace" by the clergy and all other classes.
A bishop should be addressed colloquially as "Bishop" by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" by the clergy and all other classes.
A dean should be styled "Dean Blank" or "Dean," by the upper classes, and as "Mr. Dean" by the clergy.
An archdeacon should be addressed as "Archdeacon Blank," and a canon as "Canon Blank."
The wives of archbishops, bishops, and deans should be respectively addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," or "Mrs. C." They take no title from the spiritual rank of their husbands.
Officers in the Armyshould be respectively addressed as "General A.," "Colonel B.," "Major C.," or "Captain D.," and not as "General," "Colonel," or "Major," except by their very intimate friends.
The wives of officers should be addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," "Mrs. C.," or "Mrs. D." They should never be addressed as "Mrs. General A.," "Mrs. Colonel B.," "Mrs. Major C.," or "Mrs. Captain D."
A lady should not address her husband colloquially by his surname only, as "Jones," "Brown," or by whatever his surname might be, or speak of him without the prefix of "Mr."
The usual rule is for a wife to speak of her husband as "Mr. Brown," or "My husband," except to intimate friends, when the christian name only is frequently used, and to address him by his christian name only.
A wife should not address her husband by the initial letter of his surname, as "Mr. B." or "Mr. P."; neither should a husband address his wife by the initial letter of his surname.
When intimate friends address each other by the initial letter of their names it is by way of pleasantry only, and such cases, of course, do not come within the rules of etiquette.
Peeresses frequently address their husbands, and speak of them, by the name attached to their title, in place of using their christian or family name. Thus, the "Earl of Blankshire" would be styled "Blankshire" by his wife, without the prefix of "Lord," and his usual signature would be "Blankshire," without the addition of any christian name.
Baronets' wives should not address their husbands by their surnames, but by their christian names, and should speak of them as "Sir George" or "Sir John."
The wives of knights also should not address their husbands by their surnames, but by their christian names, and should speak of them as "Sir George" or "Sir John."
The Lord Mayor should be addressed as "Lord Mayor," colloquially, and the Lady Mayoress as "Lady Mayoress," unless the Lord Mayor during office is created a baronet or receives the honour of knighthood, when he should be addressed as "Sir John" or "Sir Henry," and his wife as "Lady A."
Generalsociety is now very frequently brought into contact with royalty—members of the Royal Family of England and members of various royal families of Europe.
With His Majesty this association is of frequent occurrence as regards the general public, and persons possessing special interest are constantly brought into communication with him.
Strict Court etiquette is greatly in abeyance, and laid aside by His Majesty when paying visits to personal friends, or when receiving visits from the same.
The geniality of the English princes and princesses is everywhere acknowledged, and the restrictions of Court etiquette are frequently relaxed by their desire when visiting at the houses of the nobility and gentry.
The etiquette that reigns in foreign Courts—Austria, Russia, Greece, etc.—is seldom waived, and is adhered to with much punctilio. So much so is this the case with certain foreign princes who visit our shores, that the observances they claim as due to their exalted position are often felt to be a restraint upon the hosts whom they honour with their company, in town or country, at dinner, ball, or country-house party.
On the other hand, many royal personages who occasionally visit England are unbending and unceremonious towards society in general.
When royal personages visit London for a few weeks,whether located at palace, embassy, or hotel, it is etiquette for any person who is personally acquainted with or connected in any way with their Court or cabinet, or who has been presented at their Court, to leave cards on them and write their names in their visiting books. Persons still higher in the social scale, give receptions in their honour, and invite them to stay at their princely mansions.
When such visits are paid, the principal neighbours are usually invited to meet the royal guests at dinner, ball, or reception, and on the invitation card is written, "To meet H.R.H. the Crown Prince of ——," or "Her Serene Highness the Grand Duchess of ——," etc.; but a hostess exercises her own discretion respecting the invitations she issues.
If a ball is in contemplation the county at large is invited to the mansion, but if dinner invitations only are issued, then the circle is necessarily restricted to a favoured few.
The neighbours who are not invited to a house where a royal guest is staying should avoid calling on the hostess until the departure of the royal visitors, even if calls are due.
The principal people of a county who happen to be present at an entertainment, either dinner or dance, are usually presented to the royal guests by the host or hostess, permission to do so having been first solicited.
When the person to be presented is a person of rank or distinction, it would only be necessary to say, "May I present Lord A., or General B., to you, Sir?" but if the person to be presented has no particular claim to the honour beyond being popular in the county, the request should be prefaced with a few words of explanation respecting the person to be presented.
When the name or fame of those presented has reached the ears of the royal guests, they usually shake hands on the presentation being made, and enter into conversation with them; otherwise they merely bow, and make one or two passing remarks.
A house-party is generally composed of those with whom a royal guest is more or less acquainted. When the party includes any one who is a stranger to the royal guests, he or she should be presented on the first opportunity.
The members of the Royal Family have each, more or less, their particular set, as have also the foreign princes who periodically visit this country, and therefore house-parties are usually made up of those moving in the set of the expected prince.
For the proper mode of addressing royal personages, seeChapter VI.
As regards royal invitations, all invitations from the Sovereign are commands, and must be answered and obeyed as such, and the word "command" must be made use of in answering such invitations. If any reason exists for not obeying His Majesty's commands it should be stated.
Invitations from members of the Royal Family are treated by courtesy as commands, but in replying to such invitations the word "command" should not be used. The answers to such invitations should be addressed to the Comptroller of the Household, by whom they are usually issued.
Answers to royal invitations should be written in the third person, and reasons given for non-acceptance.
A previous engagement cannot be pleaded as an excuse for refusing a royal invitation; only personal indisposition or serious illness, or death of near relatives, would be adequate reasons for not accepting a royal invitation.
When a royal invitation is verbally given, the answer should be verbal also.
At all entertainments at which royal guests are present they should be received by the host and hostess in the entrance-hall. In the case of serene highnesses they should be received by the host and conducted by him to the hostess; this rule equally applies to the reception of eastern princes.
Henceforward there are to bein Great Britain no Princes or Princesses other than those of the Blood Royal. Only the children and grandchildren of the Sovereign will hold princely rank; the titles of "Highness" and "Serene Highness" will disappear; and that of "Royal Highness" will be reserved to the direct descendants of the King in the male line.
The King has deemed it desirable, in the conditions brought about by the present war, that those princes of his family who are his subjects and bear German names and titles should relinquish these titles and henceforth adopt British surnames.
His Majesty has conferred Peeragesof the United Kingdom on the following:—The Duke of Teck to be a Marquis; Prince Alexander of Teck to be the Earl of Athlone; Prince Louis of Battenberg to be the Marquis of Milford Haven; and Prince Alexander of Battenberg to be the Marquis of Carisbrooke.
Indian Princes.—The exact status of Indian princes has never been actually laid down, but all who are "Highnesses" are given precedence at the English Court and in society after the Royal Family and foreign princes. In the procession at Court entertainments they go in front of ambassadors.
No Indian prince is considered to be of blood royal, and they do not stand in the line at levées and Courts, but all have the privateEntrée.