"How sad it is to sit and pine,The longhalf-hourbefore we dine!Upon our watches oft we look,Then wonder at the clock and cook,And strive to laugh in spite of Fate!But laughter forced, soon quits the room,And leaves it to its former gloom.But lo! the dinner now appears,The object of our hope and fears,The end of all our pain!"In giving an entertainment of this kind, the lady should remember that it is her duty to make her guests feel happy, comfortable, and quite at their ease; and the guests should also consider that they have come to the house of their hostess to be happy.When dinner is on the table, the lady and gentleman of the house will have an opportunity of showing their tactby seeing that the most distinguished guests, or theoldest, are shown into the dining-room first, and by making those companions at the table who are most likely to be agreeable to each other. The lady of the house may lead the way, or follow her guests into the dining-room, as she pleases. Among those who delight to follow the etiquette of the English nobility, the latter practice is followed. But the practice must not be considered a test of good breeding in America. If the lady leads, the husband will follow behind the guests, with the lady on his arm who is to sit at his side. The old custom is still followed to some extent in this country, of the lady taking the head of the table, with the two most favored guests seated, the one at her right and the other at her left hand; while the gentleman of the house takes the foot of the table, supported on each side by the two ladies most entitled to consideration. But this old rule is by no means slavishly followed in polite society in this country.In order to be able to watch the course of the dinner, and to see that nothing is wanting to their guests, the lady and gentleman of the house usually seat themselves in the centre of the table, opposite each other.When all the guests are seated, the lady of the house serves in plates, from a pile at her left hand, the soup, which she sends round, beginning with her neighbors right and left, and continuing till all are helped. These first plates usually pass twice, for each guest endeavors to induce his neighbor to accept what was sent to him.The gentleman then carves, or causes to be carved by some expert guest, the large pieces, in order afterwards to do the other honors himself. If you have no skill in carving meats, do not attempt it; nor should you ever discharge this duty except when your good offices are solicited by him; neither can we refuse anything sent us from his hand.HABITS AT TABLE.Assoon as dinner is announced, the host or hostess will give the signal for leaving the drawing-room, and in all probability you will be requested to escort one of the ladies to the table. If this should occur, offer the lady your left arm, and at the table remain standing until every lady is seated, then take the place assigned to you by the hostess. When you leave the parlor, pass out first, and the lady will follow you, still lightly holding your arm. At the door of the dining-room, the lady will drop your arm. You should then pass in, and wait at one side of the entrance till she passes you. Having arrived at the table, each gentleman respectfully salutes the lady whom he conducts, who in her turn, also bows and takes her seat.Nothing indicates the good breeding of a gentleman so much as his manners at table. There are a thousand little points to be observed, which, although not absolutely necessary, distinctly stamp the refined and well-bred man. A man may pass muster bydressing well, and may sustain himself tolerably in conversation; but if he be not perfectly"au fait," dinnerwill betray him.Any unpleasant peculiarity, abruptness, or coarseness of manners, is especially offensive at table. People are more easily disgusted at that time than at any other. All such acts as leaning over on one side in your chair, placing your elbows on the table, or on the back of your neighbor'schair, gaping, twisting about restlessly in your seat, are to be avoided as heresies of the most infidel stamp at table.Though the body at table should always be kept in a tolerably upright and easy position, yet one need not sit bolt-upright, as stiff and prim as a poker. To be easy, to be natural, and to appear comfortable, is the deportment required.Always go to a dinner as neatly dressed as possible. The expensiveness of your apparel is not of much importance, but its freshness and cleanliness are indispensable. The hands and finger-nails require especial attention. It is a great insult to every lady at the table for a man to sit down to dinner with his hands in a bad condition.It is considered vulgar to take fish or soup twice. Thereasonfor not being helped twice to fish or soup at a large dinner-party is, because by doing so you keep three parts of the company staring at you whilst waiting for the second course, which is spoiling, much to the annoyance of the mistress of the house. The selfish greediness, therefore, of so doing constitutes its vulgarity. At a family dinner it is of less importance, and is consequently often done.You will sip your soup as quietly as possible from the side of the spoon, and you, of course, will not commit the vulgarity of blowing in it, or trying to cool it, after it is in your mouth, by drawing in an unusual quantity of air, for by so doing you would be sure to annoy, if you did not turn the stomach of the lady or gentleman next to you.Be careful and do not touch either your knife or your fork until after you have finished eating your soup. Leave your spoon in your soup plate, that the servant may remove them.Neveruse your knife to conveyyour food to your mouth,under any circumstances; it is unnecessary, and glaringlyvulgar. Feed yourself with aforkorspoon,nothing else—a knife is only to be used for cutting.If at dinner you are requested to help any one to sauce, do not pour it over the meat or vegetables, but on one side. If you should have to carve and help a joint, do not load a person's plate—it is vulgar; also in serving soup, one ladleful to each plate is sufficient.Fish should always be helped with a silver fish-slice, and your own portion of it divided by the fork aided by a piece of bread. The application of a knife to fish is likely to destroy the delicacy of its flavor; besides which, fish sauces are often acidulated; acids corrode steel, and draw from it a disagreeable taste.The lady and gentleman of the house are, of course, helped last, and they are very particular to notice, every minute, whether the waiters are attentive to every guest. But they do not press people either to eat more than they appear to want, norinsistupon their partaking of any particular dish. It is allowable for you to recommend, so far as to say that it is considered "excellent," but remember that tastes differ, and dishes which suityou, may be unpleasant to others; and that, in consequence of your urgency, some modest people might feel themselves compelled to partake of what is disagreeable to them.Neither ladies nor gentlemen ever wear gloves at table, unless their hands, from some cause, are not fit to be seen.Avoid too slow or too rapid eating; the one will appear as though you did not like your dinner, and the other as though you were afraid you would not get enough.Making a noise in chewing your food, or breathing hard in eating, are unseemly habits, which will be sure to get you a bad name at table, among people of good-breeding.Let it be a sacred rule thatyou cannot use your knife, or fork, or teeth too quietly.Avoid picking your teeth, if possible, at table, for however agreeable such a practice might be to yourself, it may be offensive to others. The habit which some have of holding one hand over the mouth, does not avoid the vulgarity of teeth-picking at table.Unless you are requested to do so, never select any particular part of a dish; but if your host asks you what part you prefer, name some part, as in this case the incivility would consist in making your host choose as well as carve for you.If your host or hostess passes you a plate, keep it, especially if you have chosen the food upon it, for others have also a choice, and by passing it, you may give your neighbor dishes distasteful to him, and take yourself those which he would much prefer.If a dish is distasteful to you, decline it, but make no remarks about it. It is sickening and disgusting to explain at a table how one article makes you sick, or why some other dish has become distasteful to you. I have seen a well-dressed tempting dish go from a table untouched, because one of the company told a most disgusting anecdote about finding vermin served in a similar dish.If the meat or fish upon your plate is too rare or too well-done, do not eat it; give for an excuse that you prefer some other dish before you; but never tell your host that his cook has made the dish uneatable.If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or elderly person, politeness requires him to save them all trouble of pouring out for themselves to drink, and of obtaining whatever they are in want of at the table. He should beeager to offer them whatever he thinks to be most to their taste.Never pare an apple or a pear for a lady unless she desire you, and then be careful to use your fork to hold it; you may sometimes offer todivide a very large pearwith or for a person.It is not good taste to praise extravagantly every dish that is set before you; but if there are some things that are really very nice, it is well to speak in their praise. But, above all things, avoid seeming indifferent to the dinner that is provided for you, as that might be construed into a dissatisfaction with it.Some persons, in helping their guests, or recommending dishes to their taste, preface every such action with a eulogy on its merits, and draw every bottle of wine with an account of its virtues; others, running into the contrary extreme, regret or fear that each dish is not exactly as it should be; that the cook, etc., etc. Both of these habits are grievous errors. You should leave it to your guests alone to approve, or suffer one of your intimate friends who is present, to vaunt your wine.If you ask the waiter for anything, you will be careful to speak to him gently in the tone ofrequest, and not ofcommand. To speak to a waiter in a driving manner will create, among well-bred people, the suspicion that you were sometime a servant yourself, and are putting onairsat the thought of your promotion. Lord Chesterfield says: "If I tell a footman to bring me a glass of wine, in a rough, insulting manner, I should expect that, in obeying me, he would contrive to spill some of it upon me, and I am sure I should deserve it."Should your servants break anything while you are at table, never turn round, or inquire into the particulars,however annoyed you may feel. If your servants betray stupidity or awkwardness in waiting on your guests, avoid reprimanding thempublicly, as it only draws attention to their errors, and adds to their embarrassment.Never commit the vulgarism of speaking when you have any food in your mouth.When you have occasion to change or pass your plate during dinner, be careful and remove your knife and fork, that the platealonemay be taken, but after you have finished your dinner, cross the knife and fork on the plate, that the servant may take all away, before bringing you clean ones for dessert.Do not put butter on your bread at dinner, and avoid biting or cutting your bread from the slice, or roll; rather break off small pieces, and put these in your mouth with your fingers.It is considered vulgar to dip a piece of bread into the preserves or gravy upon your plate and then bite it. If you desire to eat them together, it is much better to break the bread in small pieces, and convey these to your mouth with your fork.Avoid putting bones, or the seeds of fruit, upon your table-cloth. Rather place them upon the edge of your plate.When you wish to help yourself to butter, salt, or sugar, use the butter-knife, salt-spoon and sugar-tongs; to use your own knife, spoon or fingers evinces great ignorance and ill-breeding.It is customary in some American families to serve their guests with coffee in the parlor after dinner. But this is a European custom which is not generally practiced in polite American society. When coffee is given at the closeof the dinner, it is more usual to serve it before the guests leave the table. The practice of handing it round in the parlor or drawing-room, is an unnecessary inconvenience to the guests particularly, without any compensating advantages.Finger-glasses are generally handed round as soon as the viands are removed, but they are intended merely to wet the fingers and around the mouth. When the finger-glasses are passed, wet your fingers in them and then wipe them upon your napkin. The habit of rinsing the mouth at table is a disgusting piece of indelicacy, which is never practiced by any well-bred person.Upon leaving the table, lay your napkin beside your plate, but do not fold it.Do not leave the table until the lady of the house gives the signal, and when you leave offer your arm to the lady whom you escorted to the table.It is generally the custom in this country for ladies to retain their seats at table till the end of the feast, but if they withdraw, the gentlemen all rise when they leave the table, and remain standing until they have left the room.Politeness demands that you remain at least an hour in the parlor, after dinner; and, if you can dispose of an entire evening, it would be well to devote it to the person who has entertained you. It is excessively rude to leave the house as soon as dinner is over.WINE AT TABLE.Almostevery gentleman has wine at his table whenever he has invited guests. Indeed, wine is considered an indispensable part of a good dinner, to which ladies and gentlemen have been formally invited. Even if you are a total-abstinence man yourself, you will not, if you are really a gentleman, attempt to compel all your guests to be so against their wish. If you are so fanatical that you have what is called "conscientious scruples" against furnishing wine, then you should invite none to dine who are not as fanatical and bigoted as yourself. You must consider that a gentleman may have "conscientious scruples" against dining with you on cold water, for there are even temperate and sober gentleman who would go without meat as soon as be deprived of their glass of wine at dinner. The vegetarian, who would force his guests to dine on cabbages and onions, is hardly guilty of a greater breach of etiquette than the total-abstinence fanatic who would compel his guests to go without wine.If there is a gentleman at the table who is known to be a total-abstinence man, you will not urge him to drink. He will suffer his glass to be filled at the first passage of the wine, and raising it to his lips, will bow his respects with the rest of the guests, and after that his glass will be allowed to remain untouched. As little notice as possible should be taken of his total-abstinence peculiarity. And, if he is a gentleman, he will carefully avoid drawing attention to it himself.It is not now the custom to ask a lady across the table to take wine with you. It is expected that every lady will be properly helped to wine by the gentleman who takes her to the table, or who sits next to her. But if you are in company where the old custom prevails, it would be better breeding to follow the custom of the place, rather than by an omission of what your entertainer considers civility, to prove him, in face of his guests, to be either ignorant or vulgar. If either a lady or gentleman is invited to take wine at table, they mustnever refuse; if they do notdrink, they need only touch the wine to their lips. Do not offer to help a lady to wine until you see she has finished her soup or fish.Always wipe your mouth before drinking, as nothing is more ill-bred than to grease your glass with your lips.Do not propose to take wine with your host; it is his privilege to invite you.It is considered well bred to take the same wine as that selected by the person with whom you drink. When, however, the wine chosen by him is unpalatable to you, it is allowable to take that which you prefer, at the same time apologizingly saying, "Will you permit me to drinkclaret?" or whatever wine you have selected.In inviting a lady to take wine with you at table, you should politely say, "Shall I have the pleasure of a glass of wine with you?" You will then either hand her the bottle you have selected, or send it by the waiter, and afterwards fill your own glass, when you will politely and silently bow to each other, as you raise the wine to your lips. The same ceremony is to be observed when inviting a gentleman.On raising the first glass of wine to his lips, it is customary for a gentleman to bow to the lady of the house.It is not customary to proposetoastsor to drink deep at a gentleman's family table. Lord Byron describes "a largish party," as "first silent, then talky, then argumentative, then disputatious, then unintelligible, then altogethery, then drunk." But this was "a largish party," which, it is to be hoped, was given at a tavern; for the man who drinks to intoxication, or to any considerable degree ofelevation, at a gentleman's family table, ought never to expect to be invited a second time.At dinner-parties which are given to gentlemen, for the purpose of conviviality, one may indulge in as much wine as he pleases, provided he does not getdrunk, and make a nuisance of himself. Where drinking, and toasting, and bumpers, are the order of the feast, as at a public dinner, given in honor of a distinguished man, or at the inauguration of some public enterprise, far greater latitude is allowed, in all things, than on more private and select occasions.In conclusion of our article on table etiquette, we quote from a recent English work, some humorous, but valuable hints:"We now come to habits at table, which are very important. However agreeable a man may be in society, if he offends or disgusts by his table traits, he will soon be scouted from it, and justly so. There are some broad rules for behavior at table. Whenever there is a servant to help you, never help yourself. Never put a knife into your mouth, not even with cheese, which should be eaten with a fork. Never use a spoon for anything but liquids. Never touch anything edible with your fingers."Forks were undoubtedly a later invention than fingers, but as we are not cannibals, I am inclined to think they were a good one. There are some few things which youmay take up with your fingers. Thus an epicure will eat even macaroni with his fingers; and as sucking asparagus is more pleasant than chewing it, you may, as an epicure, take it upau naturel. But both these things are generally eaten with a fork. Bread is, of course, eaten with the fingers, and it would be absurd to carve it with your knife and fork. It must, on the contrary, always be broken when not buttered, and you should never put a slice of dry bread to your mouth to bite a piece off. Most fresh fruit, too, is eaten with the natural prongs, but when you have peeled an orange or apple, you should cut it with the aid of the fork, unless you can succeed in breaking it. Apropos of which, I may hint that no epicure ever yet put a knife to an apple, and that an orange should be peeled with a spoon. But the art of peeling an orange so as to hold its own juice, and its own sugar too, is one that can scarcely be taught in a book."However, let us go to dinner, and I will soon tell you whether you are a well-bred man or not; and here let me premise that what is good manners for a small dinner is good manners for a large one, andvice versa. Now, the first thing you do is to sit down. Stop, sir! pray do not cram yourself into the table in that way; no, nor sit a yard from it, like that. How graceless, inconvenient, and in the way of conversation! Why, dear me! you are positively putting your elbows on the table, and now you have got your hands fumbling about with the spoons and forks, and now you are nearly knocking my new hock glasses over. Can't you take your hands down, sir? Didn't you, learn that in the nursery? Didn't your mamma say to you, "Never put your hands above the table except to carve or eat?" Oh! but come, no nonsense, sit up, if you please. I can't have your fine head of hair forming a side dish on my table; you must not bury your face in the plate; you came to show it, and it ought to be alive. Well,but there is no occasion to throw your head back like that, you look like an alderman, sir,afterdinner. Pray, don't lounge in that sleepy way. You are here to eat, drink, and be merry. You can sleep when you get home."Well, then, I suppose you can see your napkin. Got none, indeed! Very likely, inmyhouse. You may be sure that I never sit down to a meal without napkins. I don't want to make my tablecloths unfit for use, and I don't want to make my trousers unwearable. Well, now, we are all seated, you can unfold it on your knees; no, no; don't tuck it into your waistcoat like an alderman; and what! what on earth do you mean by wiping your forehead with it? Do you take it for a towel? Well, never mind, I am consoled that you did not go farther, and use it as a pocket-handkerchief. So talk away to the lady on your right, and wait till soup is handed to you. By the way, that waiting is the most important part of table manners, and, as much as possible, you should avoid asking for anything or helping yourself from the table. Your soup you eat with a spoon—I don't know what else youcouldeat it with—but then it must be one of good size. Yes, that will do, but I beg you will not make that odious noise in drinking your soup. It is louder than a dog lapping water, and a cat would be quite genteel to it. Then you need not scrape up the plate in that way, nor even tilt it to get the last drop. I shall be happy to send you some more; but I must just remark, that it is not the custom to take two helpings of soup, and it is liable to keep other people waiting, which, once for all, is a selfish and intolerable habit. But don't you hear the servant offering you sherry? I wish you would attend, for my servants have quite enough to do, and can't wait all the evening while you finish that very mild story to Miss Goggles. Come, leave that decanter alone. I had the wine put on the table to fill up; the servants will hand it directly, or, as we are a small party, I will tell you to help yourself; but pray,do not be so officious. (There, I have sent him some turbot to keep him quiet. I declare he cannot make up his mind.) You are keeping my servant again, sir. Will you, or will you not, do turbot? Don't examine it in that way; it is quite fresh, I assure you; take or decline it. Ah, you take it, but that is no reason why you should take up a knife too. Fish, I repeat, must never be touched with a knife. Take a fork in the right and a small piece of bread in the left hand. Good, but——? Oh! that is atrocious; of course you must not swallow the bones, but you should rather do so than spit them out in that way. Put up your napkin like this, and land the said bone on your plate. Don't rub your head in the sauce, my good man, nor go progging about after the shrimps or oysters therein. Oh! how horrid! I declare your mouth was wide open and full of fish. Small pieces, I beseech you; and once for all, whatever you eat, keep your mouthshut, and never attempt to talk with it full."So now you have got a pâté. Surely you are not taking two on your plate! There is plenty of dinner to come, and one is quite enough. Oh! dear me, you are incorrigible. What! a knife to cut that light brittle pastry? No, nor fingers, never. Nor a spoon—almost as bad. Take your fork, sir, your fork; and, now you have eaten, oblige me by wiping your mouth and moustache with your napkin, for there is a bit of the pastry hanging to the latter, and looking very disagreeable. Well, you can refuse a dish if you like. There is no positive necessity for you to take venison if you don't want it. But, at any rate, do not be in that terrific hurry. You are not going off by the next train. Wait for the sauce and wait for the vegetables; but whether you eat them or not, do not begin before everybody else. Surely you must take my table for that of a railway refreshment-room, for you have finished before the person I helped first. Fast eating is bad for the digestion, my good sir, and not very good manners either.What! are you trying to eat meat with a fork alone? Oh! it is sweetbread; I beg your pardon, you are quite right. Let me give you a rule: Everything that can be cut without a knife, should be cut with a fork alone. Eat your vegetables, therefore, with a fork. No, there is no necessity to take a spoon for peas; a fork in the right hand will do. What! did I really see you put your knife into your mouth? Then I must give you up. Once for all, and ever, the knife is to cut, not to help with. Pray, do not munch in that noisy manner; chew your food well, but softly.Eat slowly.Have you not heard that Napoleon lost the battle of Leipsic by eating too fast? It is a fact though. His haste caused indigestion, which made him incapable of attending to the details of the battle. You see you are the last person eating at table. Sir, I will not allow you to speak to my servants in that way. If they are so remiss as to oblige you to ask for anything, do it gently, and in a low tone, and thank a servant just as much as you would his master. Ten to one he is as good a man; and because he is your inferior in position, is the very reason you should treat him courteously. Oh! it is of no use to ask me to take wine; far from pacifying me, it will only make me more angry, for I tell you the custom is quite gone out, except in a few country villages, and at a mess-table. Nor need you ask the lady to do so. However, there is this consolation, if you should ask any one to take wine with you, he or shecannotrefuse, so you have your own way. Perhaps next you will be asking me to hob and nob, ortrinquerin the French fashion with arms encircled. Ah! you don't know, perhaps, that when a ladytrinquesin that way with you, you have a right to finish off with a kiss. Very likely, indeed! But itisthe custom in familiar circles in France, but then we are not Frenchmen.Willyou attend to your lady, sir? You did not come merely to eat, but to make yourself agreeable. Don't sit as glum as the Memnon at Thebes; talk and be pleasant. Now you have some pudding. No knife—no,no. A spoon, if you like, but better still, a fork. Yes, ice requires a spoon; there is a small one handed you, take that."Say 'no.' This is the fourth time wine has been handed to you, and I am sure you have had enough. Decline this time if you please. Decline that dish too. Are you going to eat of everything that is handed? I pity you if you do. No, you must not ask for more cheese, and you must eat it with your fork. Break the rusk with your fingers. Good. You are drinking a glass of old port. Do not quaff it down at a gulp in that way. Never drink a whole glassful of anything at once."Well, here is the wine and dessert. Take whichever wine you like, but remember you must keep to that, and not change about. Before you go up stairs I will allow you a glass of sherry after your claret, but otherwise drink of one wine only! You don't mean to say you are helping yourself to wine before the ladies! At least, offer it to the one next to you, and then pass it on, gently, not with a push like that. Do not drink so fast; you will hurry me in passing the decanters, if I see that your glass is empty. You need not eat dessert till the ladies are gone, but offer them whatever is nearest to you. And now they are gone, draw your chair near mine, and I will try and talk more pleasantly to you. You will come out admirably at your next dinner with all my teaching. What! you are excited, you are talking loud to the colonel. Nonsense! Come and talk easily to me or to your nearest neighbor. There, don't drink any more wine, for I see you are getting romantic. You oblige me to make a move. You have had enough of those walnuts; you are keeping me, my dear sir. So now to coffee [one cup] and tea, which I beg you will not pour into your saucer to cool. Well, the dinner has done you good, and me too. Let us be amiable to the ladies, but not too much so."CARVING.Carvingis an art which every parent should teach his sons and daughters. Nothing can be more disagreeable and unpleasant than to be placed before any particular dish without being able to help it properly. It is generally the case when the head of the family is a good carver; for he so objects to see things badly cut, that he prefers carving everything himself. We remember once, when very young, being invited to a large dinner, and we were placed before a ham. We began to hack this article, when the general, the founder of the feast, said to his servant, "Take that ham away from that young gentleman, and place it before some one who knows how to carve." From that moment we determined to achieve the art of carving, and after great difficulty we succeeded, and succeeded so well that once, in carving a hare, a clergyman, one of the guests, remarked what an excellent invention that of boning a hare was, we carved it with so much ease; but determined to have a joke at the expense of the clergyman, we laid down the knife and fork, and said, "Sir, we are surprised that you could express such an opinion, when it is well known that it has filled more jails and sent more men to the treadmill than any other thing you can name." "What, sir, taking the bones out of a hare?" "No, sir, 'boning' the hare first." No one can carve without practice, and consequently children ought to begin young, in order to acquire a thorough knowledge of the art. It is difficult to describe the method of carving, even with drawings or diagrams; but the reader who wishes to learn, may, by observing how good carvers proceed, and applying what he has seen to what he reads, with practice, soon become an adept.And first, never stand up to carve; this is the greatest vulgarity, and even a very short man need not stand up. A little, deformed, hump-back friend of ours, used to give very good dinners; he carved well, and delighted in showing it, but he had a failing—always to have very large joints of meat before him. One day a stranger guest arrived late, dinner had been served, even soup and fish had been removed; the host was absolutely hidden behind an enormous round of beef, and the stranger saw nothing at the head of the table but the monstrous joint, round which a knife was revolving with wonderful rapidity. Steam was the subject of talk at the moment, and he exclaimed, "I did not know that you had brought steam to this perfection." "What perfection?" "Why, don't you see that round of beef is carved by steam." This was enough; it got the hunchback's steam up, and, jumping on the chair, he demanded who dare insult him in his own house; and it was with great difficulty that his friends could appease his wrath, and turn his steam off. Ever since the time of Adam, men and women have been prone to excuse themselves and lay the blame on others. Thus, a person who could not swim, complained bitterly of the want of buoyancy in the water; and another, who had frightfully mangled a leg of mutton in attempting to carve, declared that the sheep was deformed and had a bandy leg.In France, at all large dinners, dishes are carved at the sideboard by a servant, and then handed round in small portions. It saves a great deal of trouble, and prevents the shower of gravy with which awkward carvers will often inundate the table-cloth, and sometimes their neighbors. It would be well if this custom was universal inAmerica, where it is rare to find a good carver. In helping the soup, never say, "Will you let me assist you to some of this soup?" this is vulgar in the extreme. The word assist is not "selon les règles de la bonne société," but simply, "Shall I send you some?" Now, any one can help soup. But then there are two ways, the right and the wrong. First, then, your soup plates should be held by the servant near the tureen, and you should judge the number you have to help by the quantity of soup you have, to avoid the possibility of consuming all your soup before you have helped your guests; give one spoonful of soup to each plate, and avoid by all means slopping the soup either into the tureen or over the table-cloth, or over the side of the plate, all of which are extreme vulgarities. And here we beg to say—notwithstanding Brummel having said, in speaking of some one with whom he could find no other fault, that he was a sort of fellow who would come twice to soup,—that, if very good, it is not vulgar to eat twice of it; but,au contraire, if not good, the worst possible taste.The next thing in order is fish. Now, of fish there are several sorts; the first of the large sorts beingSalmon, the shape of which every one knows; but few people have a whole salmon at table. The fish should be served always on a strainer, covered with a small dinner napkin, and the cook should be careful that it be sent to table whole and unbroken. It should be laid on its side, and garnished with fried smelts; it should be cut with the trowel, or fish-knife, immediately down the middle of the side, and helped from the centre to the back, one slice back and a small slice towards the belly, which is the richest and fattest part; care should be taken that the slices are not broken, and with each slice a fried smelt be given.Cod-fishshould be helped differently. Cutting fromthe back to the thin part, crossways, and the sound divided so as to give each person a small portion.Mackerel, if boiled, should be divided into four; that is, place your trowel or fish-knife under the flesh at the tail, and raise up the flesh to the head, then divide the side in the middle, giving half of the side to each person, and leaving the bone and head and tail in the dish.Herringsshould be helped by giving one to each person.Eelsare always cut in small pieces, and all the attention required is that those which are the largest are the best.Patties and Entreesought to be so arranged that they can be served with a spoon, and require no carving. The roast is therefore the next thing that calls for observation.A Leg of Muttonis, or rather ought to be served exactly the reverse side to a haunch of mutton; that is, it ought to lie on the flat side, and so show the beveled side to the carver. A slice is cut in the center; and then the carver is to cut to the bone right and left, the thick side being most esteemed. The best fat is that which lies at the thick end, near to the bone; there is not much of it, but it is considered a delicacy.A Sirloin of Beef.—The most elegant way to cut this joint is by making an incision from the chine-bone to the flap, directly in the center, and helping from either side. However, this is not the most economical way; and therefore it is to be cut thin on the outside, from the chine-bone to the flaps, with fat from underneath. Many people like the under side, or inner loin. If this is eaten hot—and it is best hot—the joint should be turned, and the meat cut across in slices rather thicker than from the top side. Great care should be taken not to splash the gravy in turning, by placing the fork well into the flap, so as to secure a firm hold.A Fore Quarter of Lambshould be carved without removing the shoulder from the dish on which it is served. This is very difficult; but if well done, very elegant. First, then, let us give all the directions necessary for this dish. When it comes before the carver, he should place the carving-knife under the shoulder, and dexterously remove it. Having so done, he should place under the shoulder a slice of fresh butter, and then prepare some salt, cayenne pepper, and the juice of an orange or a lemon, which should be also poured over the part of the lamb from which the shoulder has been separated, and then pour the gravy with the gravy-spoon over the lamb, so that the butter, etc., may amalgamate well with the gravy. You have then the breast and the ribs, and the shoulder on the dish, ready to help your friends. Before separating the ribs, you must cut off the breast, the bones of which the butcher has previously broken, so as to enable you to do it with ease. As, however, many people cannot carve so much in one dish, perhaps the better plan is to place the shoulder on a separate dish, when it can be cut precisely as a shoulder of mutton, and the ribs and breast can be more easily divided and helped. Always take care that the butcher joints the meat, or no man can carve it.A Hind Quarter of Lambshould be carved both as a leg and a loin, giving either part to those who prefer it.A Saddle of Lambmust be carved like a saddle of mutton.A Loin of Lambshould always be divided at the chine end of the bone, and helped in chops.A Haunch of Venison or Muttonis the leg and part of the loin. It should be cut across, near the knuckle, and then another cut should pass down the center. The slices should be taken from the left and the right of this; those on the left, containing the most fat, are preferred byepicures. The fat and gravy must be equally distributed. These joints should always be served on a hot-water dish, or on a dish with a lamp under it, so as to keep the meat hot. Without one or other of these contrivances, no one should presume to give a haunch of venison to his friends. Before it is sent to table, the cook should pour over the haunch one wine-glassful of hot port wine.An Edge-bone of Beefshould be placed on the dish standing on the thickest end. The carver should first cut off a slice horizontally from the end to the fat, an inch thick; but in helping, it cannot be cut too thin, giving to each person hard and soft fat. If cut thick it is hard and indigestible.A Round or Buttock of Beefis cut like a fillet of veal; that is, a slice having been horizontally removed all round, the slices should be cut very thin and very even. To properly carve a large round of beef, a long carving-knife, such as is used in a cook-shop, is necessary.A Fillet of Vealis a solid piece of meat without bone; it is therefore easily carved by any one who possesses a sharp knife; the guard of the fork should be up, to prevent accidents. The veal should be well roasted; for if the gravy is in it, it is very unwholesome. The slices may be cut thicker than beef, and the stuffing should be found in the center, and in the flap which surrounds it.A Breast of Veal.—The richest part of this is called the brisket. The knife must be put about four inches from this, and cut through it, which will separate the ribs from the brisket; serve whichever is liked.Calf's Headis a dish much esteemed here; but, as generally eaten, plainly boiled, it is tasteless, insipid, and very objectionable—while cooked à la tortue, as in France, nothing can be better. It should always be boned androlled; but if served whole, it is to be cut down the center, and helped in slices from either side. A portion of the sweetbread, which generally accompanies a boiled calf's head, should be given with each portion. If the flesh about the socket of the eye be preferred, the eye itself being always taken out, the knife should be inserted into the orifice, and the meat scooped out. The palate—generally esteemed a delicacy—is situated under the head. This should be cut into small portions, so that every one may have a share.Shoulder of Mutton.—The joint being placed with the knuckle toward the right hand, observe that there is an angular piece of fat next you. Having helped your company from this part, you may, perhaps, imagine that your shoulder of mutton is exhausted, and will not yield a further dividend. However, you may get from both sides of a large shoulder enough to help ten people, provided your slices are not too thick, which they should not be. The fat is to be cut from the aforesaid angular bit in slices, longways. After the right and left sides are exhausted, and the carver stopped by the knuckle on one side and the blade-bone on the other, the end of the shoulder is to be turned, and cut straight down from the center bone to the end, comprising the three best slices of the joint. If more is required, the shoulder may be reversed on the dish, and four good slices will be found on the under side.Saddle of Mutton.—This best joint of the sheep is carved in several ways; the usual way is to cut from the tail to the end close to the chine-bone, taking the slices horizontally. Another plan is to cut close to the back-bone, taking slices sideways, so as to help each person with a piece like a mutton chop, without the bone and very thin. Another way is to commence, not quite close to the back-bone, and so cut slices, rounding them a little that they will curl on the plate, cutting in such a way that theknife slants toward the flaps or fat, and so that the top of each slice is fat and the bottom lean; and for a small party, this is by far the most elegant and the best way to carve this excellent joint.Ham.—There perhaps is no joint about which there has been so much contention as the carving of this excellent dish. For family use, do not have the skin removed, but let it be sent to table as it is dressed. Cut from the thick end, where there is most fat; as a ham served hot is always eaten with veal or poultry, you can thus eat the fat. Continue cutting your ham in this way, and you will be able to eat it all; whereas, in any other way, all the lean will be eaten, and a large quantity of fat, which will become rancid, will be lost.Carving Ham for a Party.—The best informed say, carve it like a leg of mutton, that is, beginning in the center, cut right and left in thin slices; we say, commence at the knuckle, and cut a thick slice off, and then cut thin slices as they do in the cook-shops—for, rely on it, by this time they have found out the most economical way of carving a ham.A Sucking Pigmust be divided down the middle, and decapitated. This ought to be done by the cook, and the two sides placed flat on the dish. Supposing, therefore, this to have been previously done, the carver is to take off the shoulders and the legs, and help the ribs in such pieces as he thinks convenient. The ribs are considered best, and you should give plenty of the sauce or gravy with each plate.Hare.—There are two ways of carving this difficult dish. The first is to cut close to the back-bone from the shoulder to the rump on either side, previously dividing the legs; take off the shoulders; cutting the back-bone in three orfour pieces, and getting two slices on either side of the hare. The ear is considered the best part. Another way of carving a hare is by taking off the legs and shoulders, and cutting it round through the back-bone, dividing into seven or eight pieces. It is better to bone a hare.A Rabbitis carved very differently. The legs and shoulders are to be taken off, and the back divided into three or four pieces.Fowlswhen boiled have their legs bent inwards, and tucked into the belly. A fowl must never be removed from the dish and placed upon the carver's plate; nothing can be more vulgar. The wing is to be removed with a good slice of the breast, the only difficulty being to hit the joint. To effect this, the knife is to be passed between the leg and the body, and the leg turned back with the fork. To take off the merrythought the carver must commence just above where the breast turns, and cut down slanting; then begin at the rump end, and cut the breast at either side, keeping the fork in that part of the breast nearest the rump, and turning it toward the carver; the side-bones may easily be removed, the back broken in half, and the two sides are then easily taken off. All this can only be learned by practice; and although we have endeavored to describe it, we feel that it requires practice to carry out the directions.A Pheasantis carved precisely as a fowl. It is only necessary to say that ladies like the wings and breast.Wild Duck.—This bird is only helped from the breast, which is to be first scored in such a way as afterward to form the slice. Lemon juice, cayenne, salt, and port wine made hot, should be ready to pour over it; then the previously scored slices are to be cut and helped. The breast is the only eatable part, except when hashed.Partridge.—This bird is carved precisely as a fowl. The legs and the back are the best parts; give them to the ladies, and let the rest of the company have the wings and breast.Pigeonsare usually cut straight down the middle, and a half sent to each person.Turkeysare carved like geese. Never make a wing cut from the wing or pinion upward, and not from the breast downward. Give your knife a slight angle in cutting, and your slice will be larger and better.Goose.—To give a description of carving a goose is to say, simply, begin from the wing and cut the slices from the breast up to the breast bone, and serve each person with a slice, with some stuffing and gravy. To cut a wing or leg is vulgar in the extreme; for a large party, then, a second goose is necessary; but lest our readers should say, "That is an easy way to avoid telling us how we ought to dismember this bird," we will continue. If you wish to do a vulgar thing, and dismember a goose, put your fork into the small end of the pinion, and press it close to the body, then put in the knife and divide the joint down; to separate the leg, first put the fork into the small end of the bone, pressing it to the body, then pass your knife between the leg and the body, turn the leg back with your fork, and it will come off. It is impossible that anything but experience will teach a person how to do this expertly; but as we said before, it never should be done when served hot. It has been said frequently, that a goose is too much for one, and not enough for two. This means that the breast, which is the only eatable part of a roasted goose, is, supposing the person to eat nothing else, too much for one and not enough for two people's dinners; another reason for never cutting off or eating the legs hot, is that they make a most excellent "devil" for breakfast the next day—therefore, why destroy a dish fit for a king?Woodcocks and Snipes.—These are both carved alike—the necessary directions being: remove the sand-bag, which contains the gall: this generally protrudes; lift up the breast near the rump; spread the tail on your toast; cut the wing, leg, and part of the back, the wing being cut full, that is, with plenty of the breast attached thereto, and you have one portion with a third of the toast; serve the other side alike, with another third of the toast, and the breast and the rest of the back give to the person you esteem the least; in fact, the legs, wings, and back, as before described, are the best, and should be served together. Snipes should be cut in half, unless you have enough to give a bird to each person.ETIQUETTE OF THE BALL AND ASSEMBLY ROOM.Dancinghas been defined as a "graceful movement of the body, adjusted by art to the measures or tunes of instruments, or of voice;" and again, "agreeable to the true genius of the art, dancing is the art of expressing the sentiments of the mind, or the passions, by measured steps or bounds made in cadence, by regulated motions of the figure and by graceful gestures; all performed to the sound of musical instruments or the voice."Lord Chesterfield, in his letters to his son, says: "Dancing is, in itself, a very trifling and silly thing: but it is one of those established follies to which people of sense are sometimes obliged to conform; and then they should be able to do it well. And though I would not have you a dancer, yet, when you do dance, I would have you dance well, as I would have you do everything you do well." In another letter, he writes: "Do you mind your dancing while your dancing master is with you? As you will be often under the necessity of dancing a minuet, I would have you dance it very well. Remember that the graceful motion of the arms, the giving of your hand, and the putting off and putting on of your hat genteelly, are the material parts of a gentleman's dancing. But the greatest advantage of dancing well is, that it necessarily teaches you to present yourself, to sit, stand, and walk genteelly; all of which are of real importance to a man of fashion."When a gentleman accompanies a lady to a ball he will at once proceed with her to the door of the ladies' dressing-room, there leaving her; and then repair to the gentlemen's dressing-room. In the mean time, the lady, after adjusting her toilet, will retire to the ladies' sitting-room or wait at the door of the dressing-room, according as the apartments may be arranged. After the gentleman has divested himself of hat, etc., and placed the same in the care of the man having charge of the hat-room, receiving therefor a check, and after arranging his toilet, he will proceed to the ladies' sitting-room, or wait at the entrance to the ladies' dressing-room for the lady whom he accompanies, and with her enter the ball-room.The ladies' dressing-room is a sacred precinct, into which no gentleman should ever presume to look; to enter it would be an outrage not to be overlooked or forgiven.With the etiquette of a ball-room, so far as it goes, there are but few people unacquainted. Certain persons are appointed to act as floor managers, or there will be a "Master of the Ceremonies," whose office it is to see that everything be conducted in a proper manner: if you are entirely a stranger, it is tothemyou must apply for a partner, and point out (quietly) any young lady with whom you should like to dance, when, if there be no obvious inequality of position, they will present you for that purpose; should there be an objection, they will probably select some one they consider more suitable; but do not, on any account, go to a strange lady by yourself, and request her to dance, as she will unhesitatingly "decline the honor," and think you an impertinent fellow for your presumption.A gentleman introduced to a lady by a floor manager, or the Master of Ceremonies, should not be refused by the lady if she be not already engaged, for her refusal would be a breach of good manners: as the Master of Ceremonies is supposed to be careful to introduce only gentlemen who are unexceptionable. But a gentleman who is unqualified as a dancer should never seek an introduction.At a private party, a gentleman may offer to dance with a lady without an introduction, but at balls the rule is different. The gentleman should respectfully offer his arm to the lady who consents to dance with him, and lead her to her place. At the conclusion of the set he will conduct her to a seat, offer her any attention, or converse with her. A gentleman should not dance with his wife, and not too often with the lady to whom he is engaged.Any presentation to a lady in a public ball-room, for the mere purpose of dancing, does not entitle you to claim her acquaintance afterwards; therefore, should you meet her, at most you may lift your hat; but even that is better avoided—unless, indeed, she first bow—as neither she nor her friends can know who orwhatyou are.In inviting a lady to dance with you, the words, "Will youhonorme with your hand for a quadrille?" or, "Shall I have thehonorof dancing this set with you?" are more used now than "Shall I have thepleasure?" or, "Will you give me thepleasureof dancing with you?"If she answers that she is engaged, merely request her to name the earliest dance for which she isnotengaged, and when she will do you the honor of dancing with you.When a young lady declines dancing with a gentleman, it is her duty to give him a reason why, although some thoughtless ones do not. No matter how frivolous it may be, it is simply an act of courtesy to offer him an excuse; while, on the other hand, no gentleman ought so far to compromise his self-respect as to take the slightest offence at seeing a lady by whom he has just been refused, dance immediately after with some one else.Never wait until the signal is given to take a partner, for nothing is more impolite than to invite a lady hastily, and when the dancers are already in their places; it can be allowed only when the set is incomplete.Be very careful not to forget an engagement. It is an unpardonable breach of politeness to ask a lady to dance with you, and neglect to remind her of her promise when the time to redeem it comes.If a friend be engaged when you request her to dance, and she promises to be your partner for the next or any of the following dances, do not neglect her when the time comes, but be in readiness to fulfill your office as her cavalier, or she may think that you have studiously slighted her, besides preventing her obliging some one else. Even inattention and forgetfulness, by showing how little you care for a lady, form in themselves a tacit insult.In a quadrille, or other dance, while awaiting the music, or while unengaged, a lady and gentleman should avoid long conversations, as they are apt to interfere with the progress of the dance; while, on the other hand, a gentleman should not stand like an automaton, as though he were afraid of his partner, but endeavor to render himself agreeable by those "airy nothings" which amuse for the moment, and are in harmony with the occasion.The customary honors of a bow and courtesy should be given at the commencement and conclusion of each dance.Lead the lady through the quadrille; do notdragher, nor clasp her hand as if it were made of wood, lest she, not unjustly, think you a bear.You will not, if you are wise, stand up in a quadrille without knowing something of the figure; and if you are master of a few of the steps,so much the better. But dance quietly; do not kick and caper about, nor sway your body to and fro; dance onlyfrom the hips downwards; and lead the lady as lightly as you would tread a measure with a spirit of gossamer.Do not pride yourself on doing the "steps neatly," unless you are ambitious of being taken for a dancing-master; between whose motions and those of agentlemanthere is a great difference.Unless a man has a very graceful figure, and can use it with great elegance, it is better for him towalkthrough the quadrilles, or invent some gliding movement for the occasion.When a lady is standing in a quadrille, though not engaged in dancing, a gentleman not acquainted with her partner should not converse with her.When an unpracticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprise him of his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him a lesson.Immediate attention should be paid to any request made by the Master of Ceremonies, and all misunderstandings respecting the dance should be referred to him, his decision being deemed final. Otherwise his superintendence of the ball will be attended with great inconvenience.When forming for quadrilles, if by any oversight you should accidentally occupy another couple's place, on being informed of the intrusion, you should immediately apologize to the incommoded party, and secure another position.Contending for a position in quadrilles, at either head or sides, indicates an irritable and quarrelsome disposition altogether unsuited for an occasion where all should meet with kindly feelings.When a company is divided into different sets, persons should not attempt to change their places without permission from the Master of Ceremonies.No persons engaged in a quadrille or other dance that requires their assistance to complete the set, should leave the room or sit down before the dance is finished, unless on a very urgent occasion, and not even then without previously informing the Master of Ceremonies, that he may find substitutes.If a lady waltz with you, beware not to press her waist; you must only lightly touch it with the palm of your hand, lest you leave a disagreeable impression not only on herceinture, but on her mind.Above all, do not be prone to quarrel in a ball-room; it disturbs the harmony of the company, and should be avoided if possible. Recollect that a thousand little derelictions from strict propriety may occur through the ignorance or stupidity of the aggressor, and not from any intention to annoy; remember, also, that thereally well-bred womenwill not thank you for making them conspicuous by over-officiousness in their defence, unless, indeed, there be some serious or glaring violation of decorum. In small matters, ladies are both able and willing to take care of themselves, and would prefer being allowed to overwhelm the unlucky offender in their own way.When a gentleman has occasion to pass through an assemblage of ladies, where it is absolutely impossible to make his way without disturbing them; or when he is obliged to go in front, because he cannot get behind them, it is but common courtesy for him to express his regret at being compelled to annoy them.A gentleman having two ladies in charge may, in the absence of friends, address a stranger, and offer him a partner, asking his name previous to an introduction, and mentioning that of the lady to him or not, as he may think proper.It is improper to engage or reëngage a lady to dance without the permission of her partner.Never forget that ladies are to be first cared for, to have the best seats, the places of distinction, and are entitled in all cases to your courteous protection.Young ladies should avoid sauntering through an assembly-room alone; they should either be accompanied by their guardian or a gentleman.Neither married nor young ladies should leave a ball-room assemblage, or other party, unattended. The former should be accompanied by other married ladies, and the latter by their mother or guardian. Of course, a gentleman is a sufficient companion for either.Young ladies should avoid attempting to take part in a dance, particularly a quadrille, unless they are familiar with the figures. Besides rendering themselves awkward and confused, they are apt to create ill-feeling, by interfering with, and annoying others. It were better for them to forego the gratification of dancing than to risk the chances of making themselves conspicuous, and the subject of animadversion. As we have elsewhere said, modesty of deportment should be the shining and preëminent characteristic of woman. She should be modest in her attire, in language, in manners and general demeanor. Beauty becomes irresistible when allied to this lodestone of attraction; plainness of features is overlooked by it; even positive homeliness is rendered agreeable by its influence.When a gentleman escorts a lady to a ball, he should dance withherfirst, or offer so to do; and it should be his care to see that she is provided with a partner whenever she desires to dance.After dancing, a gentleman should invariably conduct a lady to a seat, unless she otherwise desires; and, in fact, alady should not be unattended, at any time, in a public assembly.When you conduct your partner to her seat, thank her for the pleasure she has conferred upon you, and do not remain too long conversing with her.When that long and anxiously desiderated hour, the hour of supper, has arrived, you hand the lady you attend up or down to the supper-table. You remain with her while she is at the table, seeing that she has all that she desires, and then conduct her back to the dancing-rooms.If, while walking up and down a public promenade, you should meet friends or acquaintances whom you don't intend to join, it is only necessary to salute them the first time of passing; to bow or nod to them at every round would be tiresome, and therefore improper; have no fear that they will deem you odd or unfriendly, as, if they have any sense at all, they can appreciate your reasons. If you have anything to say to them, join them at once.We have already alluded to the necessity of discarding all cant terms and phrases from conversation, not only in assembly-rooms, but on all occasions; and we would particularly caution our young lady friends against even the recognition of thoseéquivoquesanddouble entendrewhich the other sex sometimes inconsiderately, but oftener determinedly, introduce.Neither by smiles nor blushes should they betray any knowledge of the hidden meaning that lurks within a phrase of doubtful import, nor seem to recognize anything which they could not with propriety openly make a subject of discourse. All indelicate expressions should be to them as the Sanscrit language is to most people, incomprehensible. All wanton glances and grimaces, which are by libertines considered as but so many invitations to lewdness, should be strictly shunned.No lady can be too fastidious in her conduct, or too guarded in her actions. A bad reputation is almost as destructive of happiness to her as absolute guilt; and of her character we may say with the poet:
"How sad it is to sit and pine,The longhalf-hourbefore we dine!Upon our watches oft we look,Then wonder at the clock and cook,And strive to laugh in spite of Fate!But laughter forced, soon quits the room,And leaves it to its former gloom.But lo! the dinner now appears,The object of our hope and fears,The end of all our pain!"
"How sad it is to sit and pine,The longhalf-hourbefore we dine!Upon our watches oft we look,Then wonder at the clock and cook,And strive to laugh in spite of Fate!But laughter forced, soon quits the room,And leaves it to its former gloom.But lo! the dinner now appears,The object of our hope and fears,The end of all our pain!"
In giving an entertainment of this kind, the lady should remember that it is her duty to make her guests feel happy, comfortable, and quite at their ease; and the guests should also consider that they have come to the house of their hostess to be happy.
When dinner is on the table, the lady and gentleman of the house will have an opportunity of showing their tactby seeing that the most distinguished guests, or theoldest, are shown into the dining-room first, and by making those companions at the table who are most likely to be agreeable to each other. The lady of the house may lead the way, or follow her guests into the dining-room, as she pleases. Among those who delight to follow the etiquette of the English nobility, the latter practice is followed. But the practice must not be considered a test of good breeding in America. If the lady leads, the husband will follow behind the guests, with the lady on his arm who is to sit at his side. The old custom is still followed to some extent in this country, of the lady taking the head of the table, with the two most favored guests seated, the one at her right and the other at her left hand; while the gentleman of the house takes the foot of the table, supported on each side by the two ladies most entitled to consideration. But this old rule is by no means slavishly followed in polite society in this country.
In order to be able to watch the course of the dinner, and to see that nothing is wanting to their guests, the lady and gentleman of the house usually seat themselves in the centre of the table, opposite each other.
When all the guests are seated, the lady of the house serves in plates, from a pile at her left hand, the soup, which she sends round, beginning with her neighbors right and left, and continuing till all are helped. These first plates usually pass twice, for each guest endeavors to induce his neighbor to accept what was sent to him.
The gentleman then carves, or causes to be carved by some expert guest, the large pieces, in order afterwards to do the other honors himself. If you have no skill in carving meats, do not attempt it; nor should you ever discharge this duty except when your good offices are solicited by him; neither can we refuse anything sent us from his hand.
Assoon as dinner is announced, the host or hostess will give the signal for leaving the drawing-room, and in all probability you will be requested to escort one of the ladies to the table. If this should occur, offer the lady your left arm, and at the table remain standing until every lady is seated, then take the place assigned to you by the hostess. When you leave the parlor, pass out first, and the lady will follow you, still lightly holding your arm. At the door of the dining-room, the lady will drop your arm. You should then pass in, and wait at one side of the entrance till she passes you. Having arrived at the table, each gentleman respectfully salutes the lady whom he conducts, who in her turn, also bows and takes her seat.
Nothing indicates the good breeding of a gentleman so much as his manners at table. There are a thousand little points to be observed, which, although not absolutely necessary, distinctly stamp the refined and well-bred man. A man may pass muster bydressing well, and may sustain himself tolerably in conversation; but if he be not perfectly"au fait," dinnerwill betray him.
Any unpleasant peculiarity, abruptness, or coarseness of manners, is especially offensive at table. People are more easily disgusted at that time than at any other. All such acts as leaning over on one side in your chair, placing your elbows on the table, or on the back of your neighbor'schair, gaping, twisting about restlessly in your seat, are to be avoided as heresies of the most infidel stamp at table.
Though the body at table should always be kept in a tolerably upright and easy position, yet one need not sit bolt-upright, as stiff and prim as a poker. To be easy, to be natural, and to appear comfortable, is the deportment required.
Always go to a dinner as neatly dressed as possible. The expensiveness of your apparel is not of much importance, but its freshness and cleanliness are indispensable. The hands and finger-nails require especial attention. It is a great insult to every lady at the table for a man to sit down to dinner with his hands in a bad condition.
It is considered vulgar to take fish or soup twice. Thereasonfor not being helped twice to fish or soup at a large dinner-party is, because by doing so you keep three parts of the company staring at you whilst waiting for the second course, which is spoiling, much to the annoyance of the mistress of the house. The selfish greediness, therefore, of so doing constitutes its vulgarity. At a family dinner it is of less importance, and is consequently often done.
You will sip your soup as quietly as possible from the side of the spoon, and you, of course, will not commit the vulgarity of blowing in it, or trying to cool it, after it is in your mouth, by drawing in an unusual quantity of air, for by so doing you would be sure to annoy, if you did not turn the stomach of the lady or gentleman next to you.
Be careful and do not touch either your knife or your fork until after you have finished eating your soup. Leave your spoon in your soup plate, that the servant may remove them.
Neveruse your knife to conveyyour food to your mouth,under any circumstances; it is unnecessary, and glaringlyvulgar. Feed yourself with aforkorspoon,nothing else—a knife is only to be used for cutting.
If at dinner you are requested to help any one to sauce, do not pour it over the meat or vegetables, but on one side. If you should have to carve and help a joint, do not load a person's plate—it is vulgar; also in serving soup, one ladleful to each plate is sufficient.
Fish should always be helped with a silver fish-slice, and your own portion of it divided by the fork aided by a piece of bread. The application of a knife to fish is likely to destroy the delicacy of its flavor; besides which, fish sauces are often acidulated; acids corrode steel, and draw from it a disagreeable taste.
The lady and gentleman of the house are, of course, helped last, and they are very particular to notice, every minute, whether the waiters are attentive to every guest. But they do not press people either to eat more than they appear to want, norinsistupon their partaking of any particular dish. It is allowable for you to recommend, so far as to say that it is considered "excellent," but remember that tastes differ, and dishes which suityou, may be unpleasant to others; and that, in consequence of your urgency, some modest people might feel themselves compelled to partake of what is disagreeable to them.
Neither ladies nor gentlemen ever wear gloves at table, unless their hands, from some cause, are not fit to be seen.
Avoid too slow or too rapid eating; the one will appear as though you did not like your dinner, and the other as though you were afraid you would not get enough.
Making a noise in chewing your food, or breathing hard in eating, are unseemly habits, which will be sure to get you a bad name at table, among people of good-breeding.Let it be a sacred rule thatyou cannot use your knife, or fork, or teeth too quietly.
Avoid picking your teeth, if possible, at table, for however agreeable such a practice might be to yourself, it may be offensive to others. The habit which some have of holding one hand over the mouth, does not avoid the vulgarity of teeth-picking at table.
Unless you are requested to do so, never select any particular part of a dish; but if your host asks you what part you prefer, name some part, as in this case the incivility would consist in making your host choose as well as carve for you.
If your host or hostess passes you a plate, keep it, especially if you have chosen the food upon it, for others have also a choice, and by passing it, you may give your neighbor dishes distasteful to him, and take yourself those which he would much prefer.
If a dish is distasteful to you, decline it, but make no remarks about it. It is sickening and disgusting to explain at a table how one article makes you sick, or why some other dish has become distasteful to you. I have seen a well-dressed tempting dish go from a table untouched, because one of the company told a most disgusting anecdote about finding vermin served in a similar dish.
If the meat or fish upon your plate is too rare or too well-done, do not eat it; give for an excuse that you prefer some other dish before you; but never tell your host that his cook has made the dish uneatable.
If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or elderly person, politeness requires him to save them all trouble of pouring out for themselves to drink, and of obtaining whatever they are in want of at the table. He should beeager to offer them whatever he thinks to be most to their taste.
Never pare an apple or a pear for a lady unless she desire you, and then be careful to use your fork to hold it; you may sometimes offer todivide a very large pearwith or for a person.
It is not good taste to praise extravagantly every dish that is set before you; but if there are some things that are really very nice, it is well to speak in their praise. But, above all things, avoid seeming indifferent to the dinner that is provided for you, as that might be construed into a dissatisfaction with it.
Some persons, in helping their guests, or recommending dishes to their taste, preface every such action with a eulogy on its merits, and draw every bottle of wine with an account of its virtues; others, running into the contrary extreme, regret or fear that each dish is not exactly as it should be; that the cook, etc., etc. Both of these habits are grievous errors. You should leave it to your guests alone to approve, or suffer one of your intimate friends who is present, to vaunt your wine.
If you ask the waiter for anything, you will be careful to speak to him gently in the tone ofrequest, and not ofcommand. To speak to a waiter in a driving manner will create, among well-bred people, the suspicion that you were sometime a servant yourself, and are putting onairsat the thought of your promotion. Lord Chesterfield says: "If I tell a footman to bring me a glass of wine, in a rough, insulting manner, I should expect that, in obeying me, he would contrive to spill some of it upon me, and I am sure I should deserve it."
Should your servants break anything while you are at table, never turn round, or inquire into the particulars,however annoyed you may feel. If your servants betray stupidity or awkwardness in waiting on your guests, avoid reprimanding thempublicly, as it only draws attention to their errors, and adds to their embarrassment.
Never commit the vulgarism of speaking when you have any food in your mouth.
When you have occasion to change or pass your plate during dinner, be careful and remove your knife and fork, that the platealonemay be taken, but after you have finished your dinner, cross the knife and fork on the plate, that the servant may take all away, before bringing you clean ones for dessert.
Do not put butter on your bread at dinner, and avoid biting or cutting your bread from the slice, or roll; rather break off small pieces, and put these in your mouth with your fingers.
It is considered vulgar to dip a piece of bread into the preserves or gravy upon your plate and then bite it. If you desire to eat them together, it is much better to break the bread in small pieces, and convey these to your mouth with your fork.
Avoid putting bones, or the seeds of fruit, upon your table-cloth. Rather place them upon the edge of your plate.
When you wish to help yourself to butter, salt, or sugar, use the butter-knife, salt-spoon and sugar-tongs; to use your own knife, spoon or fingers evinces great ignorance and ill-breeding.
It is customary in some American families to serve their guests with coffee in the parlor after dinner. But this is a European custom which is not generally practiced in polite American society. When coffee is given at the closeof the dinner, it is more usual to serve it before the guests leave the table. The practice of handing it round in the parlor or drawing-room, is an unnecessary inconvenience to the guests particularly, without any compensating advantages.
Finger-glasses are generally handed round as soon as the viands are removed, but they are intended merely to wet the fingers and around the mouth. When the finger-glasses are passed, wet your fingers in them and then wipe them upon your napkin. The habit of rinsing the mouth at table is a disgusting piece of indelicacy, which is never practiced by any well-bred person.
Upon leaving the table, lay your napkin beside your plate, but do not fold it.
Do not leave the table until the lady of the house gives the signal, and when you leave offer your arm to the lady whom you escorted to the table.
It is generally the custom in this country for ladies to retain their seats at table till the end of the feast, but if they withdraw, the gentlemen all rise when they leave the table, and remain standing until they have left the room.
Politeness demands that you remain at least an hour in the parlor, after dinner; and, if you can dispose of an entire evening, it would be well to devote it to the person who has entertained you. It is excessively rude to leave the house as soon as dinner is over.
Almostevery gentleman has wine at his table whenever he has invited guests. Indeed, wine is considered an indispensable part of a good dinner, to which ladies and gentlemen have been formally invited. Even if you are a total-abstinence man yourself, you will not, if you are really a gentleman, attempt to compel all your guests to be so against their wish. If you are so fanatical that you have what is called "conscientious scruples" against furnishing wine, then you should invite none to dine who are not as fanatical and bigoted as yourself. You must consider that a gentleman may have "conscientious scruples" against dining with you on cold water, for there are even temperate and sober gentleman who would go without meat as soon as be deprived of their glass of wine at dinner. The vegetarian, who would force his guests to dine on cabbages and onions, is hardly guilty of a greater breach of etiquette than the total-abstinence fanatic who would compel his guests to go without wine.
If there is a gentleman at the table who is known to be a total-abstinence man, you will not urge him to drink. He will suffer his glass to be filled at the first passage of the wine, and raising it to his lips, will bow his respects with the rest of the guests, and after that his glass will be allowed to remain untouched. As little notice as possible should be taken of his total-abstinence peculiarity. And, if he is a gentleman, he will carefully avoid drawing attention to it himself.
It is not now the custom to ask a lady across the table to take wine with you. It is expected that every lady will be properly helped to wine by the gentleman who takes her to the table, or who sits next to her. But if you are in company where the old custom prevails, it would be better breeding to follow the custom of the place, rather than by an omission of what your entertainer considers civility, to prove him, in face of his guests, to be either ignorant or vulgar. If either a lady or gentleman is invited to take wine at table, they mustnever refuse; if they do notdrink, they need only touch the wine to their lips. Do not offer to help a lady to wine until you see she has finished her soup or fish.
Always wipe your mouth before drinking, as nothing is more ill-bred than to grease your glass with your lips.
Do not propose to take wine with your host; it is his privilege to invite you.
It is considered well bred to take the same wine as that selected by the person with whom you drink. When, however, the wine chosen by him is unpalatable to you, it is allowable to take that which you prefer, at the same time apologizingly saying, "Will you permit me to drinkclaret?" or whatever wine you have selected.
In inviting a lady to take wine with you at table, you should politely say, "Shall I have the pleasure of a glass of wine with you?" You will then either hand her the bottle you have selected, or send it by the waiter, and afterwards fill your own glass, when you will politely and silently bow to each other, as you raise the wine to your lips. The same ceremony is to be observed when inviting a gentleman.
On raising the first glass of wine to his lips, it is customary for a gentleman to bow to the lady of the house.
It is not customary to proposetoastsor to drink deep at a gentleman's family table. Lord Byron describes "a largish party," as "first silent, then talky, then argumentative, then disputatious, then unintelligible, then altogethery, then drunk." But this was "a largish party," which, it is to be hoped, was given at a tavern; for the man who drinks to intoxication, or to any considerable degree ofelevation, at a gentleman's family table, ought never to expect to be invited a second time.
At dinner-parties which are given to gentlemen, for the purpose of conviviality, one may indulge in as much wine as he pleases, provided he does not getdrunk, and make a nuisance of himself. Where drinking, and toasting, and bumpers, are the order of the feast, as at a public dinner, given in honor of a distinguished man, or at the inauguration of some public enterprise, far greater latitude is allowed, in all things, than on more private and select occasions.
In conclusion of our article on table etiquette, we quote from a recent English work, some humorous, but valuable hints:
"We now come to habits at table, which are very important. However agreeable a man may be in society, if he offends or disgusts by his table traits, he will soon be scouted from it, and justly so. There are some broad rules for behavior at table. Whenever there is a servant to help you, never help yourself. Never put a knife into your mouth, not even with cheese, which should be eaten with a fork. Never use a spoon for anything but liquids. Never touch anything edible with your fingers.
"Forks were undoubtedly a later invention than fingers, but as we are not cannibals, I am inclined to think they were a good one. There are some few things which youmay take up with your fingers. Thus an epicure will eat even macaroni with his fingers; and as sucking asparagus is more pleasant than chewing it, you may, as an epicure, take it upau naturel. But both these things are generally eaten with a fork. Bread is, of course, eaten with the fingers, and it would be absurd to carve it with your knife and fork. It must, on the contrary, always be broken when not buttered, and you should never put a slice of dry bread to your mouth to bite a piece off. Most fresh fruit, too, is eaten with the natural prongs, but when you have peeled an orange or apple, you should cut it with the aid of the fork, unless you can succeed in breaking it. Apropos of which, I may hint that no epicure ever yet put a knife to an apple, and that an orange should be peeled with a spoon. But the art of peeling an orange so as to hold its own juice, and its own sugar too, is one that can scarcely be taught in a book.
"However, let us go to dinner, and I will soon tell you whether you are a well-bred man or not; and here let me premise that what is good manners for a small dinner is good manners for a large one, andvice versa. Now, the first thing you do is to sit down. Stop, sir! pray do not cram yourself into the table in that way; no, nor sit a yard from it, like that. How graceless, inconvenient, and in the way of conversation! Why, dear me! you are positively putting your elbows on the table, and now you have got your hands fumbling about with the spoons and forks, and now you are nearly knocking my new hock glasses over. Can't you take your hands down, sir? Didn't you, learn that in the nursery? Didn't your mamma say to you, "Never put your hands above the table except to carve or eat?" Oh! but come, no nonsense, sit up, if you please. I can't have your fine head of hair forming a side dish on my table; you must not bury your face in the plate; you came to show it, and it ought to be alive. Well,but there is no occasion to throw your head back like that, you look like an alderman, sir,afterdinner. Pray, don't lounge in that sleepy way. You are here to eat, drink, and be merry. You can sleep when you get home.
"Well, then, I suppose you can see your napkin. Got none, indeed! Very likely, inmyhouse. You may be sure that I never sit down to a meal without napkins. I don't want to make my tablecloths unfit for use, and I don't want to make my trousers unwearable. Well, now, we are all seated, you can unfold it on your knees; no, no; don't tuck it into your waistcoat like an alderman; and what! what on earth do you mean by wiping your forehead with it? Do you take it for a towel? Well, never mind, I am consoled that you did not go farther, and use it as a pocket-handkerchief. So talk away to the lady on your right, and wait till soup is handed to you. By the way, that waiting is the most important part of table manners, and, as much as possible, you should avoid asking for anything or helping yourself from the table. Your soup you eat with a spoon—I don't know what else youcouldeat it with—but then it must be one of good size. Yes, that will do, but I beg you will not make that odious noise in drinking your soup. It is louder than a dog lapping water, and a cat would be quite genteel to it. Then you need not scrape up the plate in that way, nor even tilt it to get the last drop. I shall be happy to send you some more; but I must just remark, that it is not the custom to take two helpings of soup, and it is liable to keep other people waiting, which, once for all, is a selfish and intolerable habit. But don't you hear the servant offering you sherry? I wish you would attend, for my servants have quite enough to do, and can't wait all the evening while you finish that very mild story to Miss Goggles. Come, leave that decanter alone. I had the wine put on the table to fill up; the servants will hand it directly, or, as we are a small party, I will tell you to help yourself; but pray,do not be so officious. (There, I have sent him some turbot to keep him quiet. I declare he cannot make up his mind.) You are keeping my servant again, sir. Will you, or will you not, do turbot? Don't examine it in that way; it is quite fresh, I assure you; take or decline it. Ah, you take it, but that is no reason why you should take up a knife too. Fish, I repeat, must never be touched with a knife. Take a fork in the right and a small piece of bread in the left hand. Good, but——? Oh! that is atrocious; of course you must not swallow the bones, but you should rather do so than spit them out in that way. Put up your napkin like this, and land the said bone on your plate. Don't rub your head in the sauce, my good man, nor go progging about after the shrimps or oysters therein. Oh! how horrid! I declare your mouth was wide open and full of fish. Small pieces, I beseech you; and once for all, whatever you eat, keep your mouthshut, and never attempt to talk with it full.
"So now you have got a pâté. Surely you are not taking two on your plate! There is plenty of dinner to come, and one is quite enough. Oh! dear me, you are incorrigible. What! a knife to cut that light brittle pastry? No, nor fingers, never. Nor a spoon—almost as bad. Take your fork, sir, your fork; and, now you have eaten, oblige me by wiping your mouth and moustache with your napkin, for there is a bit of the pastry hanging to the latter, and looking very disagreeable. Well, you can refuse a dish if you like. There is no positive necessity for you to take venison if you don't want it. But, at any rate, do not be in that terrific hurry. You are not going off by the next train. Wait for the sauce and wait for the vegetables; but whether you eat them or not, do not begin before everybody else. Surely you must take my table for that of a railway refreshment-room, for you have finished before the person I helped first. Fast eating is bad for the digestion, my good sir, and not very good manners either.What! are you trying to eat meat with a fork alone? Oh! it is sweetbread; I beg your pardon, you are quite right. Let me give you a rule: Everything that can be cut without a knife, should be cut with a fork alone. Eat your vegetables, therefore, with a fork. No, there is no necessity to take a spoon for peas; a fork in the right hand will do. What! did I really see you put your knife into your mouth? Then I must give you up. Once for all, and ever, the knife is to cut, not to help with. Pray, do not munch in that noisy manner; chew your food well, but softly.Eat slowly.Have you not heard that Napoleon lost the battle of Leipsic by eating too fast? It is a fact though. His haste caused indigestion, which made him incapable of attending to the details of the battle. You see you are the last person eating at table. Sir, I will not allow you to speak to my servants in that way. If they are so remiss as to oblige you to ask for anything, do it gently, and in a low tone, and thank a servant just as much as you would his master. Ten to one he is as good a man; and because he is your inferior in position, is the very reason you should treat him courteously. Oh! it is of no use to ask me to take wine; far from pacifying me, it will only make me more angry, for I tell you the custom is quite gone out, except in a few country villages, and at a mess-table. Nor need you ask the lady to do so. However, there is this consolation, if you should ask any one to take wine with you, he or shecannotrefuse, so you have your own way. Perhaps next you will be asking me to hob and nob, ortrinquerin the French fashion with arms encircled. Ah! you don't know, perhaps, that when a ladytrinquesin that way with you, you have a right to finish off with a kiss. Very likely, indeed! But itisthe custom in familiar circles in France, but then we are not Frenchmen.Willyou attend to your lady, sir? You did not come merely to eat, but to make yourself agreeable. Don't sit as glum as the Memnon at Thebes; talk and be pleasant. Now you have some pudding. No knife—no,no. A spoon, if you like, but better still, a fork. Yes, ice requires a spoon; there is a small one handed you, take that.
"Say 'no.' This is the fourth time wine has been handed to you, and I am sure you have had enough. Decline this time if you please. Decline that dish too. Are you going to eat of everything that is handed? I pity you if you do. No, you must not ask for more cheese, and you must eat it with your fork. Break the rusk with your fingers. Good. You are drinking a glass of old port. Do not quaff it down at a gulp in that way. Never drink a whole glassful of anything at once.
"Well, here is the wine and dessert. Take whichever wine you like, but remember you must keep to that, and not change about. Before you go up stairs I will allow you a glass of sherry after your claret, but otherwise drink of one wine only! You don't mean to say you are helping yourself to wine before the ladies! At least, offer it to the one next to you, and then pass it on, gently, not with a push like that. Do not drink so fast; you will hurry me in passing the decanters, if I see that your glass is empty. You need not eat dessert till the ladies are gone, but offer them whatever is nearest to you. And now they are gone, draw your chair near mine, and I will try and talk more pleasantly to you. You will come out admirably at your next dinner with all my teaching. What! you are excited, you are talking loud to the colonel. Nonsense! Come and talk easily to me or to your nearest neighbor. There, don't drink any more wine, for I see you are getting romantic. You oblige me to make a move. You have had enough of those walnuts; you are keeping me, my dear sir. So now to coffee [one cup] and tea, which I beg you will not pour into your saucer to cool. Well, the dinner has done you good, and me too. Let us be amiable to the ladies, but not too much so."
Carvingis an art which every parent should teach his sons and daughters. Nothing can be more disagreeable and unpleasant than to be placed before any particular dish without being able to help it properly. It is generally the case when the head of the family is a good carver; for he so objects to see things badly cut, that he prefers carving everything himself. We remember once, when very young, being invited to a large dinner, and we were placed before a ham. We began to hack this article, when the general, the founder of the feast, said to his servant, "Take that ham away from that young gentleman, and place it before some one who knows how to carve." From that moment we determined to achieve the art of carving, and after great difficulty we succeeded, and succeeded so well that once, in carving a hare, a clergyman, one of the guests, remarked what an excellent invention that of boning a hare was, we carved it with so much ease; but determined to have a joke at the expense of the clergyman, we laid down the knife and fork, and said, "Sir, we are surprised that you could express such an opinion, when it is well known that it has filled more jails and sent more men to the treadmill than any other thing you can name." "What, sir, taking the bones out of a hare?" "No, sir, 'boning' the hare first." No one can carve without practice, and consequently children ought to begin young, in order to acquire a thorough knowledge of the art. It is difficult to describe the method of carving, even with drawings or diagrams; but the reader who wishes to learn, may, by observing how good carvers proceed, and applying what he has seen to what he reads, with practice, soon become an adept.
And first, never stand up to carve; this is the greatest vulgarity, and even a very short man need not stand up. A little, deformed, hump-back friend of ours, used to give very good dinners; he carved well, and delighted in showing it, but he had a failing—always to have very large joints of meat before him. One day a stranger guest arrived late, dinner had been served, even soup and fish had been removed; the host was absolutely hidden behind an enormous round of beef, and the stranger saw nothing at the head of the table but the monstrous joint, round which a knife was revolving with wonderful rapidity. Steam was the subject of talk at the moment, and he exclaimed, "I did not know that you had brought steam to this perfection." "What perfection?" "Why, don't you see that round of beef is carved by steam." This was enough; it got the hunchback's steam up, and, jumping on the chair, he demanded who dare insult him in his own house; and it was with great difficulty that his friends could appease his wrath, and turn his steam off. Ever since the time of Adam, men and women have been prone to excuse themselves and lay the blame on others. Thus, a person who could not swim, complained bitterly of the want of buoyancy in the water; and another, who had frightfully mangled a leg of mutton in attempting to carve, declared that the sheep was deformed and had a bandy leg.
In France, at all large dinners, dishes are carved at the sideboard by a servant, and then handed round in small portions. It saves a great deal of trouble, and prevents the shower of gravy with which awkward carvers will often inundate the table-cloth, and sometimes their neighbors. It would be well if this custom was universal inAmerica, where it is rare to find a good carver. In helping the soup, never say, "Will you let me assist you to some of this soup?" this is vulgar in the extreme. The word assist is not "selon les règles de la bonne société," but simply, "Shall I send you some?" Now, any one can help soup. But then there are two ways, the right and the wrong. First, then, your soup plates should be held by the servant near the tureen, and you should judge the number you have to help by the quantity of soup you have, to avoid the possibility of consuming all your soup before you have helped your guests; give one spoonful of soup to each plate, and avoid by all means slopping the soup either into the tureen or over the table-cloth, or over the side of the plate, all of which are extreme vulgarities. And here we beg to say—notwithstanding Brummel having said, in speaking of some one with whom he could find no other fault, that he was a sort of fellow who would come twice to soup,—that, if very good, it is not vulgar to eat twice of it; but,au contraire, if not good, the worst possible taste.
The next thing in order is fish. Now, of fish there are several sorts; the first of the large sorts being
Salmon, the shape of which every one knows; but few people have a whole salmon at table. The fish should be served always on a strainer, covered with a small dinner napkin, and the cook should be careful that it be sent to table whole and unbroken. It should be laid on its side, and garnished with fried smelts; it should be cut with the trowel, or fish-knife, immediately down the middle of the side, and helped from the centre to the back, one slice back and a small slice towards the belly, which is the richest and fattest part; care should be taken that the slices are not broken, and with each slice a fried smelt be given.
Cod-fishshould be helped differently. Cutting fromthe back to the thin part, crossways, and the sound divided so as to give each person a small portion.
Mackerel, if boiled, should be divided into four; that is, place your trowel or fish-knife under the flesh at the tail, and raise up the flesh to the head, then divide the side in the middle, giving half of the side to each person, and leaving the bone and head and tail in the dish.
Herringsshould be helped by giving one to each person.
Eelsare always cut in small pieces, and all the attention required is that those which are the largest are the best.
Patties and Entreesought to be so arranged that they can be served with a spoon, and require no carving. The roast is therefore the next thing that calls for observation.
A Leg of Muttonis, or rather ought to be served exactly the reverse side to a haunch of mutton; that is, it ought to lie on the flat side, and so show the beveled side to the carver. A slice is cut in the center; and then the carver is to cut to the bone right and left, the thick side being most esteemed. The best fat is that which lies at the thick end, near to the bone; there is not much of it, but it is considered a delicacy.
A Sirloin of Beef.—The most elegant way to cut this joint is by making an incision from the chine-bone to the flap, directly in the center, and helping from either side. However, this is not the most economical way; and therefore it is to be cut thin on the outside, from the chine-bone to the flaps, with fat from underneath. Many people like the under side, or inner loin. If this is eaten hot—and it is best hot—the joint should be turned, and the meat cut across in slices rather thicker than from the top side. Great care should be taken not to splash the gravy in turning, by placing the fork well into the flap, so as to secure a firm hold.
A Fore Quarter of Lambshould be carved without removing the shoulder from the dish on which it is served. This is very difficult; but if well done, very elegant. First, then, let us give all the directions necessary for this dish. When it comes before the carver, he should place the carving-knife under the shoulder, and dexterously remove it. Having so done, he should place under the shoulder a slice of fresh butter, and then prepare some salt, cayenne pepper, and the juice of an orange or a lemon, which should be also poured over the part of the lamb from which the shoulder has been separated, and then pour the gravy with the gravy-spoon over the lamb, so that the butter, etc., may amalgamate well with the gravy. You have then the breast and the ribs, and the shoulder on the dish, ready to help your friends. Before separating the ribs, you must cut off the breast, the bones of which the butcher has previously broken, so as to enable you to do it with ease. As, however, many people cannot carve so much in one dish, perhaps the better plan is to place the shoulder on a separate dish, when it can be cut precisely as a shoulder of mutton, and the ribs and breast can be more easily divided and helped. Always take care that the butcher joints the meat, or no man can carve it.
A Hind Quarter of Lambshould be carved both as a leg and a loin, giving either part to those who prefer it.
A Saddle of Lambmust be carved like a saddle of mutton.
A Loin of Lambshould always be divided at the chine end of the bone, and helped in chops.
A Haunch of Venison or Muttonis the leg and part of the loin. It should be cut across, near the knuckle, and then another cut should pass down the center. The slices should be taken from the left and the right of this; those on the left, containing the most fat, are preferred byepicures. The fat and gravy must be equally distributed. These joints should always be served on a hot-water dish, or on a dish with a lamp under it, so as to keep the meat hot. Without one or other of these contrivances, no one should presume to give a haunch of venison to his friends. Before it is sent to table, the cook should pour over the haunch one wine-glassful of hot port wine.
An Edge-bone of Beefshould be placed on the dish standing on the thickest end. The carver should first cut off a slice horizontally from the end to the fat, an inch thick; but in helping, it cannot be cut too thin, giving to each person hard and soft fat. If cut thick it is hard and indigestible.
A Round or Buttock of Beefis cut like a fillet of veal; that is, a slice having been horizontally removed all round, the slices should be cut very thin and very even. To properly carve a large round of beef, a long carving-knife, such as is used in a cook-shop, is necessary.
A Fillet of Vealis a solid piece of meat without bone; it is therefore easily carved by any one who possesses a sharp knife; the guard of the fork should be up, to prevent accidents. The veal should be well roasted; for if the gravy is in it, it is very unwholesome. The slices may be cut thicker than beef, and the stuffing should be found in the center, and in the flap which surrounds it.
A Breast of Veal.—The richest part of this is called the brisket. The knife must be put about four inches from this, and cut through it, which will separate the ribs from the brisket; serve whichever is liked.
Calf's Headis a dish much esteemed here; but, as generally eaten, plainly boiled, it is tasteless, insipid, and very objectionable—while cooked à la tortue, as in France, nothing can be better. It should always be boned androlled; but if served whole, it is to be cut down the center, and helped in slices from either side. A portion of the sweetbread, which generally accompanies a boiled calf's head, should be given with each portion. If the flesh about the socket of the eye be preferred, the eye itself being always taken out, the knife should be inserted into the orifice, and the meat scooped out. The palate—generally esteemed a delicacy—is situated under the head. This should be cut into small portions, so that every one may have a share.
Shoulder of Mutton.—The joint being placed with the knuckle toward the right hand, observe that there is an angular piece of fat next you. Having helped your company from this part, you may, perhaps, imagine that your shoulder of mutton is exhausted, and will not yield a further dividend. However, you may get from both sides of a large shoulder enough to help ten people, provided your slices are not too thick, which they should not be. The fat is to be cut from the aforesaid angular bit in slices, longways. After the right and left sides are exhausted, and the carver stopped by the knuckle on one side and the blade-bone on the other, the end of the shoulder is to be turned, and cut straight down from the center bone to the end, comprising the three best slices of the joint. If more is required, the shoulder may be reversed on the dish, and four good slices will be found on the under side.
Saddle of Mutton.—This best joint of the sheep is carved in several ways; the usual way is to cut from the tail to the end close to the chine-bone, taking the slices horizontally. Another plan is to cut close to the back-bone, taking slices sideways, so as to help each person with a piece like a mutton chop, without the bone and very thin. Another way is to commence, not quite close to the back-bone, and so cut slices, rounding them a little that they will curl on the plate, cutting in such a way that theknife slants toward the flaps or fat, and so that the top of each slice is fat and the bottom lean; and for a small party, this is by far the most elegant and the best way to carve this excellent joint.
Ham.—There perhaps is no joint about which there has been so much contention as the carving of this excellent dish. For family use, do not have the skin removed, but let it be sent to table as it is dressed. Cut from the thick end, where there is most fat; as a ham served hot is always eaten with veal or poultry, you can thus eat the fat. Continue cutting your ham in this way, and you will be able to eat it all; whereas, in any other way, all the lean will be eaten, and a large quantity of fat, which will become rancid, will be lost.
Carving Ham for a Party.—The best informed say, carve it like a leg of mutton, that is, beginning in the center, cut right and left in thin slices; we say, commence at the knuckle, and cut a thick slice off, and then cut thin slices as they do in the cook-shops—for, rely on it, by this time they have found out the most economical way of carving a ham.
A Sucking Pigmust be divided down the middle, and decapitated. This ought to be done by the cook, and the two sides placed flat on the dish. Supposing, therefore, this to have been previously done, the carver is to take off the shoulders and the legs, and help the ribs in such pieces as he thinks convenient. The ribs are considered best, and you should give plenty of the sauce or gravy with each plate.
Hare.—There are two ways of carving this difficult dish. The first is to cut close to the back-bone from the shoulder to the rump on either side, previously dividing the legs; take off the shoulders; cutting the back-bone in three orfour pieces, and getting two slices on either side of the hare. The ear is considered the best part. Another way of carving a hare is by taking off the legs and shoulders, and cutting it round through the back-bone, dividing into seven or eight pieces. It is better to bone a hare.
A Rabbitis carved very differently. The legs and shoulders are to be taken off, and the back divided into three or four pieces.
Fowlswhen boiled have their legs bent inwards, and tucked into the belly. A fowl must never be removed from the dish and placed upon the carver's plate; nothing can be more vulgar. The wing is to be removed with a good slice of the breast, the only difficulty being to hit the joint. To effect this, the knife is to be passed between the leg and the body, and the leg turned back with the fork. To take off the merrythought the carver must commence just above where the breast turns, and cut down slanting; then begin at the rump end, and cut the breast at either side, keeping the fork in that part of the breast nearest the rump, and turning it toward the carver; the side-bones may easily be removed, the back broken in half, and the two sides are then easily taken off. All this can only be learned by practice; and although we have endeavored to describe it, we feel that it requires practice to carry out the directions.
A Pheasantis carved precisely as a fowl. It is only necessary to say that ladies like the wings and breast.
Wild Duck.—This bird is only helped from the breast, which is to be first scored in such a way as afterward to form the slice. Lemon juice, cayenne, salt, and port wine made hot, should be ready to pour over it; then the previously scored slices are to be cut and helped. The breast is the only eatable part, except when hashed.
Partridge.—This bird is carved precisely as a fowl. The legs and the back are the best parts; give them to the ladies, and let the rest of the company have the wings and breast.
Pigeonsare usually cut straight down the middle, and a half sent to each person.
Turkeysare carved like geese. Never make a wing cut from the wing or pinion upward, and not from the breast downward. Give your knife a slight angle in cutting, and your slice will be larger and better.
Goose.—To give a description of carving a goose is to say, simply, begin from the wing and cut the slices from the breast up to the breast bone, and serve each person with a slice, with some stuffing and gravy. To cut a wing or leg is vulgar in the extreme; for a large party, then, a second goose is necessary; but lest our readers should say, "That is an easy way to avoid telling us how we ought to dismember this bird," we will continue. If you wish to do a vulgar thing, and dismember a goose, put your fork into the small end of the pinion, and press it close to the body, then put in the knife and divide the joint down; to separate the leg, first put the fork into the small end of the bone, pressing it to the body, then pass your knife between the leg and the body, turn the leg back with your fork, and it will come off. It is impossible that anything but experience will teach a person how to do this expertly; but as we said before, it never should be done when served hot. It has been said frequently, that a goose is too much for one, and not enough for two. This means that the breast, which is the only eatable part of a roasted goose, is, supposing the person to eat nothing else, too much for one and not enough for two people's dinners; another reason for never cutting off or eating the legs hot, is that they make a most excellent "devil" for breakfast the next day—therefore, why destroy a dish fit for a king?
Woodcocks and Snipes.—These are both carved alike—the necessary directions being: remove the sand-bag, which contains the gall: this generally protrudes; lift up the breast near the rump; spread the tail on your toast; cut the wing, leg, and part of the back, the wing being cut full, that is, with plenty of the breast attached thereto, and you have one portion with a third of the toast; serve the other side alike, with another third of the toast, and the breast and the rest of the back give to the person you esteem the least; in fact, the legs, wings, and back, as before described, are the best, and should be served together. Snipes should be cut in half, unless you have enough to give a bird to each person.
Dancinghas been defined as a "graceful movement of the body, adjusted by art to the measures or tunes of instruments, or of voice;" and again, "agreeable to the true genius of the art, dancing is the art of expressing the sentiments of the mind, or the passions, by measured steps or bounds made in cadence, by regulated motions of the figure and by graceful gestures; all performed to the sound of musical instruments or the voice."
Lord Chesterfield, in his letters to his son, says: "Dancing is, in itself, a very trifling and silly thing: but it is one of those established follies to which people of sense are sometimes obliged to conform; and then they should be able to do it well. And though I would not have you a dancer, yet, when you do dance, I would have you dance well, as I would have you do everything you do well." In another letter, he writes: "Do you mind your dancing while your dancing master is with you? As you will be often under the necessity of dancing a minuet, I would have you dance it very well. Remember that the graceful motion of the arms, the giving of your hand, and the putting off and putting on of your hat genteelly, are the material parts of a gentleman's dancing. But the greatest advantage of dancing well is, that it necessarily teaches you to present yourself, to sit, stand, and walk genteelly; all of which are of real importance to a man of fashion."
When a gentleman accompanies a lady to a ball he will at once proceed with her to the door of the ladies' dressing-room, there leaving her; and then repair to the gentlemen's dressing-room. In the mean time, the lady, after adjusting her toilet, will retire to the ladies' sitting-room or wait at the door of the dressing-room, according as the apartments may be arranged. After the gentleman has divested himself of hat, etc., and placed the same in the care of the man having charge of the hat-room, receiving therefor a check, and after arranging his toilet, he will proceed to the ladies' sitting-room, or wait at the entrance to the ladies' dressing-room for the lady whom he accompanies, and with her enter the ball-room.
The ladies' dressing-room is a sacred precinct, into which no gentleman should ever presume to look; to enter it would be an outrage not to be overlooked or forgiven.
With the etiquette of a ball-room, so far as it goes, there are but few people unacquainted. Certain persons are appointed to act as floor managers, or there will be a "Master of the Ceremonies," whose office it is to see that everything be conducted in a proper manner: if you are entirely a stranger, it is tothemyou must apply for a partner, and point out (quietly) any young lady with whom you should like to dance, when, if there be no obvious inequality of position, they will present you for that purpose; should there be an objection, they will probably select some one they consider more suitable; but do not, on any account, go to a strange lady by yourself, and request her to dance, as she will unhesitatingly "decline the honor," and think you an impertinent fellow for your presumption.
A gentleman introduced to a lady by a floor manager, or the Master of Ceremonies, should not be refused by the lady if she be not already engaged, for her refusal would be a breach of good manners: as the Master of Ceremonies is supposed to be careful to introduce only gentlemen who are unexceptionable. But a gentleman who is unqualified as a dancer should never seek an introduction.
At a private party, a gentleman may offer to dance with a lady without an introduction, but at balls the rule is different. The gentleman should respectfully offer his arm to the lady who consents to dance with him, and lead her to her place. At the conclusion of the set he will conduct her to a seat, offer her any attention, or converse with her. A gentleman should not dance with his wife, and not too often with the lady to whom he is engaged.
Any presentation to a lady in a public ball-room, for the mere purpose of dancing, does not entitle you to claim her acquaintance afterwards; therefore, should you meet her, at most you may lift your hat; but even that is better avoided—unless, indeed, she first bow—as neither she nor her friends can know who orwhatyou are.
In inviting a lady to dance with you, the words, "Will youhonorme with your hand for a quadrille?" or, "Shall I have thehonorof dancing this set with you?" are more used now than "Shall I have thepleasure?" or, "Will you give me thepleasureof dancing with you?"
If she answers that she is engaged, merely request her to name the earliest dance for which she isnotengaged, and when she will do you the honor of dancing with you.
When a young lady declines dancing with a gentleman, it is her duty to give him a reason why, although some thoughtless ones do not. No matter how frivolous it may be, it is simply an act of courtesy to offer him an excuse; while, on the other hand, no gentleman ought so far to compromise his self-respect as to take the slightest offence at seeing a lady by whom he has just been refused, dance immediately after with some one else.
Never wait until the signal is given to take a partner, for nothing is more impolite than to invite a lady hastily, and when the dancers are already in their places; it can be allowed only when the set is incomplete.
Be very careful not to forget an engagement. It is an unpardonable breach of politeness to ask a lady to dance with you, and neglect to remind her of her promise when the time to redeem it comes.
If a friend be engaged when you request her to dance, and she promises to be your partner for the next or any of the following dances, do not neglect her when the time comes, but be in readiness to fulfill your office as her cavalier, or she may think that you have studiously slighted her, besides preventing her obliging some one else. Even inattention and forgetfulness, by showing how little you care for a lady, form in themselves a tacit insult.
In a quadrille, or other dance, while awaiting the music, or while unengaged, a lady and gentleman should avoid long conversations, as they are apt to interfere with the progress of the dance; while, on the other hand, a gentleman should not stand like an automaton, as though he were afraid of his partner, but endeavor to render himself agreeable by those "airy nothings" which amuse for the moment, and are in harmony with the occasion.
The customary honors of a bow and courtesy should be given at the commencement and conclusion of each dance.
Lead the lady through the quadrille; do notdragher, nor clasp her hand as if it were made of wood, lest she, not unjustly, think you a bear.
You will not, if you are wise, stand up in a quadrille without knowing something of the figure; and if you are master of a few of the steps,so much the better. But dance quietly; do not kick and caper about, nor sway your body to and fro; dance onlyfrom the hips downwards; and lead the lady as lightly as you would tread a measure with a spirit of gossamer.
Do not pride yourself on doing the "steps neatly," unless you are ambitious of being taken for a dancing-master; between whose motions and those of agentlemanthere is a great difference.
Unless a man has a very graceful figure, and can use it with great elegance, it is better for him towalkthrough the quadrilles, or invent some gliding movement for the occasion.
When a lady is standing in a quadrille, though not engaged in dancing, a gentleman not acquainted with her partner should not converse with her.
When an unpracticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprise him of his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him a lesson.
Immediate attention should be paid to any request made by the Master of Ceremonies, and all misunderstandings respecting the dance should be referred to him, his decision being deemed final. Otherwise his superintendence of the ball will be attended with great inconvenience.
When forming for quadrilles, if by any oversight you should accidentally occupy another couple's place, on being informed of the intrusion, you should immediately apologize to the incommoded party, and secure another position.
Contending for a position in quadrilles, at either head or sides, indicates an irritable and quarrelsome disposition altogether unsuited for an occasion where all should meet with kindly feelings.
When a company is divided into different sets, persons should not attempt to change their places without permission from the Master of Ceremonies.
No persons engaged in a quadrille or other dance that requires their assistance to complete the set, should leave the room or sit down before the dance is finished, unless on a very urgent occasion, and not even then without previously informing the Master of Ceremonies, that he may find substitutes.
If a lady waltz with you, beware not to press her waist; you must only lightly touch it with the palm of your hand, lest you leave a disagreeable impression not only on herceinture, but on her mind.
Above all, do not be prone to quarrel in a ball-room; it disturbs the harmony of the company, and should be avoided if possible. Recollect that a thousand little derelictions from strict propriety may occur through the ignorance or stupidity of the aggressor, and not from any intention to annoy; remember, also, that thereally well-bred womenwill not thank you for making them conspicuous by over-officiousness in their defence, unless, indeed, there be some serious or glaring violation of decorum. In small matters, ladies are both able and willing to take care of themselves, and would prefer being allowed to overwhelm the unlucky offender in their own way.
When a gentleman has occasion to pass through an assemblage of ladies, where it is absolutely impossible to make his way without disturbing them; or when he is obliged to go in front, because he cannot get behind them, it is but common courtesy for him to express his regret at being compelled to annoy them.
A gentleman having two ladies in charge may, in the absence of friends, address a stranger, and offer him a partner, asking his name previous to an introduction, and mentioning that of the lady to him or not, as he may think proper.
It is improper to engage or reëngage a lady to dance without the permission of her partner.
Never forget that ladies are to be first cared for, to have the best seats, the places of distinction, and are entitled in all cases to your courteous protection.
Young ladies should avoid sauntering through an assembly-room alone; they should either be accompanied by their guardian or a gentleman.
Neither married nor young ladies should leave a ball-room assemblage, or other party, unattended. The former should be accompanied by other married ladies, and the latter by their mother or guardian. Of course, a gentleman is a sufficient companion for either.
Young ladies should avoid attempting to take part in a dance, particularly a quadrille, unless they are familiar with the figures. Besides rendering themselves awkward and confused, they are apt to create ill-feeling, by interfering with, and annoying others. It were better for them to forego the gratification of dancing than to risk the chances of making themselves conspicuous, and the subject of animadversion. As we have elsewhere said, modesty of deportment should be the shining and preëminent characteristic of woman. She should be modest in her attire, in language, in manners and general demeanor. Beauty becomes irresistible when allied to this lodestone of attraction; plainness of features is overlooked by it; even positive homeliness is rendered agreeable by its influence.
When a gentleman escorts a lady to a ball, he should dance withherfirst, or offer so to do; and it should be his care to see that she is provided with a partner whenever she desires to dance.
After dancing, a gentleman should invariably conduct a lady to a seat, unless she otherwise desires; and, in fact, alady should not be unattended, at any time, in a public assembly.
When you conduct your partner to her seat, thank her for the pleasure she has conferred upon you, and do not remain too long conversing with her.
When that long and anxiously desiderated hour, the hour of supper, has arrived, you hand the lady you attend up or down to the supper-table. You remain with her while she is at the table, seeing that she has all that she desires, and then conduct her back to the dancing-rooms.
If, while walking up and down a public promenade, you should meet friends or acquaintances whom you don't intend to join, it is only necessary to salute them the first time of passing; to bow or nod to them at every round would be tiresome, and therefore improper; have no fear that they will deem you odd or unfriendly, as, if they have any sense at all, they can appreciate your reasons. If you have anything to say to them, join them at once.
We have already alluded to the necessity of discarding all cant terms and phrases from conversation, not only in assembly-rooms, but on all occasions; and we would particularly caution our young lady friends against even the recognition of thoseéquivoquesanddouble entendrewhich the other sex sometimes inconsiderately, but oftener determinedly, introduce.
Neither by smiles nor blushes should they betray any knowledge of the hidden meaning that lurks within a phrase of doubtful import, nor seem to recognize anything which they could not with propriety openly make a subject of discourse. All indelicate expressions should be to them as the Sanscrit language is to most people, incomprehensible. All wanton glances and grimaces, which are by libertines considered as but so many invitations to lewdness, should be strictly shunned.
No lady can be too fastidious in her conduct, or too guarded in her actions. A bad reputation is almost as destructive of happiness to her as absolute guilt; and of her character we may say with the poet: