let me 'ave a turnRough Rider(to old Creeper, who will not let his horse jump). "Now then, gov'nor, if you are quite sure you can't get under it, perhaps you'll let me 'ave a turn!"
Rough Rider(to old Creeper, who will not let his horse jump). "Now then, gov'nor, if you are quite sure you can't get under it, perhaps you'll let me 'ave a turn!"
Podson(lately returned from abroad). "Well, I hear you've been having a capital season, Thruster."
Thruster."Oh, rippin'! Why, I've had both collar-bones broken, left wrist sprained, and haven't got a sound horse left in my string!"
INEXPRESSIBLEINEXPRESSIBLEMaster Jack(son of M.F.H., much upset by hard weather). "Go skating with you! Not if I know it. May be all very well for you women and those curate chaps—but we hunting men, by George!!!"
Master Jack(son of M.F.H., much upset by hard weather). "Go skating with you! Not if I know it. May be all very well for you women and those curate chaps—but we hunting men, by George!!!"
Fred(a notorious funk). "Bai Jove! Jack, I'm afraid I've lost my nerve this season!"
Jack."Have you? Doosid sorry for the poor beggar who finds it!"
CartoonElderly Sportsman."I wonder they don't have that place stopped. Why, I remember running a fox to ground there twenty years ago! Don't you?"
Elderly Sportsman."I wonder they don't have that place stopped. Why, I remember running a fox to ground there twenty years ago! Don't you?"
THEORY AND PRACTICETHEORY AND PRACTICE; OR, WHY THE ENGAGEMENT WAS BROKEN OFFLady Di(to Jack, whose vows of devotion have been interrupted by a fox being hollered away). "Oh, Jack, my hair's coming down! Do stop and hold my horse. I won't be five minutes."
Lady Di(to Jack, whose vows of devotion have been interrupted by a fox being hollered away). "Oh, Jack, my hair's coming down! Do stop and hold my horse. I won't be five minutes."
AWFUL RESULT OF THE WARAWFUL RESULT OF THE WAR!A Dream of Mr. Punch's Sporting Correspondent["Mr. Arthur Wilson, Master of the Holderness Hunt, has received an intimation from the War Office that, in consequence of the war with the Transvaal, ten of his horses will be required."—Daily Paper.]
A Dream of Mr. Punch's Sporting Correspondent
["Mr. Arthur Wilson, Master of the Holderness Hunt, has received an intimation from the War Office that, in consequence of the war with the Transvaal, ten of his horses will be required."—Daily Paper.]
["Mr. Arthur Wilson, Master of the Holderness Hunt, has received an intimation from the War Office that, in consequence of the war with the Transvaal, ten of his horses will be required."—Daily Paper.]
NO FOLLOWERS ALLOWED"NO FOLLOWERS ALLOWED"
ROBBERY WITH VIOLENCEROBBERY WITH VIOLENCELady(who has just jumped on fallen Sportsman). "I'm awfully sorry! I hope we didn't hurt you?"Fallen Sportsman."Oh, I'm all right, thanks. But—er—do you mind leaving me my hat?"
Lady(who has just jumped on fallen Sportsman). "I'm awfully sorry! I hope we didn't hurt you?"
Fallen Sportsman."Oh, I'm all right, thanks. But—er—do you mind leaving me my hat?"
Belated Hunting Man(to Native). "Can you kindly point out the way to the Fox and Cock Inn?"
Native."D'ye mean the Barber's Arms?"
B. H. M."No, the Fox and Cock!"
Native."Well, that's what we call the Barber's Arms."
B. H. M."Why so?"
Native(with a hoarse laugh). "Well, ain't the Fox and Cock the same as the Brush and Comb?"
[Vanishes into the gloaming, leaving the B. H. M. muttering those words which are not associated with benediction, while he wearily passes on his way.
[Vanishes into the gloaming, leaving the B. H. M. muttering those words which are not associated with benediction, while he wearily passes on his way.
For sportsmen, the old song long ago popular, entitled "There's a Good Time Coming, Boys," if sung by a M.F.H. with a bad cold, as thus: "There's a Good Tibe Cubbing, Boys!"
hunting cap comes homeMr. Briggs's hunting cap comes home, but that is really a thing Mrs. Briggscannot, andwillnot put up with!
Mr. Briggs's hunting cap comes home, but that is really a thing Mrs. Briggscannot, andwillnot put up with!
obliged to lead his horse upMr. Briggs goes out with the Brighton Harriers. He has a capital day. The only drawback is, that he is obliged to lead his horseuphill to ease him—
Mr. Briggs goes out with the Brighton Harriers. He has a capital day. The only drawback is, that he is obliged to lead his horseuphill to ease him—
And downanddownhill because he is afraid of going over his head—so that he doesn't get quite so much horse exercise as he could wish!
anddownhill because he is afraid of going over his head—so that he doesn't get quite so much horse exercise as he could wish!
(The Sad Complaint of a Man in Black)
(The Sad Complaint of a Man in Black)
o Molly, dear, my head, I fear, is going round and round,Your cousin isn't in the hunt, when hunting men abound;A waltz for me no more you'll keep, the girls appear to thinkThere's a law been made in favour of the wearing of the pink.Sure I met you in the passage, and I took you by the hand,And says I, "How many dances, Molly, darlint, will ye stand?"But your card was full, you said it with a most owdacious wink,And I'm "hanging" all your partners for the wearing of the pink!You'd a waltz for Charlie Thruster, but you'd divil a one for me,Though he dances like a steam-engine, as all the world may see;'Tis an illigant divarsion to observe the crowd divide,As he plunges down the ball-room, taking couples in his stride.'Tis a cropper you'll be coming, but you know your business best,Still, it's bad to see you romping round with Charlie and the rest;Now you're dancing with Lord Arthur—sure, he's had enough to dhrink—And I'm "hanging" all your partners for the wearing of the pink!Your cruelty ashamed you'll be someday to call to mind,You'll be glad to ask my pardon, then, for being so unkind,The hunting men are first, to-night—well, let them have their whack—You'll be glad to dance with me, someday—when all the coats are black!But, since pink's the only colour now that fills your pretty head,Bedad, I'll have some supper, and then vanish home to bed.'Tis the most distressful ball-room I was ever in, I think,And I'm "hanging" all your partners for the wearing of the pink!
o Molly, dear, my head, I fear, is going round and round,Your cousin isn't in the hunt, when hunting men abound;A waltz for me no more you'll keep, the girls appear to thinkThere's a law been made in favour of the wearing of the pink.Sure I met you in the passage, and I took you by the hand,And says I, "How many dances, Molly, darlint, will ye stand?"But your card was full, you said it with a most owdacious wink,And I'm "hanging" all your partners for the wearing of the pink!You'd a waltz for Charlie Thruster, but you'd divil a one for me,Though he dances like a steam-engine, as all the world may see;'Tis an illigant divarsion to observe the crowd divide,As he plunges down the ball-room, taking couples in his stride.'Tis a cropper you'll be coming, but you know your business best,Still, it's bad to see you romping round with Charlie and the rest;Now you're dancing with Lord Arthur—sure, he's had enough to dhrink—And I'm "hanging" all your partners for the wearing of the pink!Your cruelty ashamed you'll be someday to call to mind,You'll be glad to ask my pardon, then, for being so unkind,The hunting men are first, to-night—well, let them have their whack—You'll be glad to dance with me, someday—when all the coats are black!But, since pink's the only colour now that fills your pretty head,Bedad, I'll have some supper, and then vanish home to bed.'Tis the most distressful ball-room I was ever in, I think,And I'm "hanging" all your partners for the wearing of the pink!
o Molly, dear, my head, I fear, is going round and round,
Your cousin isn't in the hunt, when hunting men abound;
A waltz for me no more you'll keep, the girls appear to think
There's a law been made in favour of the wearing of the pink.
Sure I met you in the passage, and I took you by the hand,
And says I, "How many dances, Molly, darlint, will ye stand?"
But your card was full, you said it with a most owdacious wink,
And I'm "hanging" all your partners for the wearing of the pink!
You'd a waltz for Charlie Thruster, but you'd divil a one for me,
Though he dances like a steam-engine, as all the world may see;
'Tis an illigant divarsion to observe the crowd divide,
As he plunges down the ball-room, taking couples in his stride.
'Tis a cropper you'll be coming, but you know your business best,
Still, it's bad to see you romping round with Charlie and the rest;
Now you're dancing with Lord Arthur—sure, he's had enough to dhrink—
And I'm "hanging" all your partners for the wearing of the pink!
Your cruelty ashamed you'll be someday to call to mind,
You'll be glad to ask my pardon, then, for being so unkind,
The hunting men are first, to-night—well, let them have their whack—
You'll be glad to dance with me, someday—when all the coats are black!
But, since pink's the only colour now that fills your pretty head,
Bedad, I'll have some supper, and then vanish home to bed.
'Tis the most distressful ball-room I was ever in, I think,
And I'm "hanging" all your partners for the wearing of the pink!
ANOTHER DAY WITH THE HOUNDSMR. BRIGGS HAS ANOTHER DAY WITH THE HOUNDSMr. Briggs can't bear flying leaps, so he makes for a gap—which is immediately filled by a frantic Protectionist, who is vowing that he will pitchfork Mr. B. if he comes "galloperravering" over his fences—danged if he doant!
Mr. Briggs can't bear flying leaps, so he makes for a gap—which is immediately filled by a frantic Protectionist, who is vowing that he will pitchfork Mr. B. if he comes "galloperravering" over his fences—danged if he doant!
A DOUBTFUL INFORMANTA DOUBTFUL INFORMANTMiss Connie(to Gent in brook). "Could you tell me if there is a bridge anywhere handy?"
Miss Connie(to Gent in brook). "Could you tell me if there is a bridge anywhere handy?"
NOT TO BE BEATENNOT TO BE BEATENCissy."Why should they call the hare's tail the scut?"Bobby(with a reputation as an authority to keep up). "Oh—er—why you see—oh, of course, because the hare scuttles, you know, when she is hunted."
Cissy."Why should they call the hare's tail the scut?"
Bobby(with a reputation as an authority to keep up). "Oh—er—why you see—oh, of course, because the hare scuttles, you know, when she is hunted."
"What's the matter with Jack's new horse? He won't start."
"Don't know; but they say he's been in an omnibus. Perhaps he's waiting for the bell!"
PLEASURES OF HUNTINGTHE PLEASURES OF HUNTINGTo get a toss in a snowdrift, and, while lying half-smothered, to be sworn at for not shouting to warn the man following you.
To get a toss in a snowdrift, and, while lying half-smothered, to be sworn at for not shouting to warn the man following you.
Lady(whose mare has just kicked a member of the Hunt, who was following too closely). "Oh, I'm so sorry! I do hope it didn't hurt you! She's such a gentle thing, and could only have done it in the merest play, you know."
POSITIVELY OSTENTATIOUSPOSITIVELY OSTENTATIOUSMr. Phunkstick(quite put out). "Talk about agricultural depression, indeed! Don't believe in it! Never saw fences kept in such disgustingly good order in my life!"
Mr. Phunkstick(quite put out). "Talk about agricultural depression, indeed! Don't believe in it! Never saw fences kept in such disgustingly good order in my life!"
Englishman(having partaken of his friend's flask, feels as if he had swallowed melted lead.) "Terribly strong! Pure whiskey, is it not?"
Irishman."Faith! not at all! It's greatly diluted with gin!"
IN A SHOOTING COUNTRYIN A SHOOTING COUNTRYRailway Porter(who has been helping lady to mount). "I hope you'll 'ave a good day, ma'am."Lady Diana."I just hope we'll find a fox."Porter(innocently). "Oh, that's all right, ma'am. The fox came down by the last train!"
Railway Porter(who has been helping lady to mount). "I hope you'll 'ave a good day, ma'am."
Lady Diana."I just hope we'll find a fox."
Porter(innocently). "Oh, that's all right, ma'am. The fox came down by the last train!"
INSULT TO INJURY
Fitz-Noodle's Harriers, after a capital run, have killed—a fox!
Incensed local M.F.H."Confound it, sir, you have killed one of my foxes!"
F. N."It's all right, old chap! You may kill one of my hares!"
(To be sung when the Hounds meet at Colney Hatch or Hanwell)
(To be sung when the Hounds meet at Colney Hatch or Hanwell)
Tantivy! Anchovy! Tantara!The moon is up, the moon is up,The larks begin to fly,And like a scarlet buttercupAurora gilds the sky.Then let us all a-hunting go,Come, sound the gay French horn,And chase the spiders to and fro,Amid the standing corn.Tantivy! Anchovy! Tantara!
Tantivy! Anchovy! Tantara!The moon is up, the moon is up,The larks begin to fly,And like a scarlet buttercupAurora gilds the sky.Then let us all a-hunting go,Come, sound the gay French horn,And chase the spiders to and fro,Amid the standing corn.Tantivy! Anchovy! Tantara!
Tantivy! Anchovy! Tantara!
The moon is up, the moon is up,
The larks begin to fly,
And like a scarlet buttercup
Aurora gilds the sky.
Then let us all a-hunting go,
Come, sound the gay French horn,
And chase the spiders to and fro,
Amid the standing corn.
Tantivy! Anchovy! Tantara!
"Why, where's the horse, Miss Kitty? By Jove, you're wet through! What has happened?"
"Oh, the stupid utterly refused to take that brook, so I left him and swam it. I couldn't miss the end of this beautiful thing!"
IN A BLIND DITCHIN A BLIND DITCHSportsman(to friend, whom he has mounted on a raw four-year-old for "a quiet morning's outing"). "Bravo, Jack! Well done! That's just what the clumsy beggar wanted. Teach him to look where he's going!"
Sportsman(to friend, whom he has mounted on a raw four-year-old for "a quiet morning's outing"). "Bravo, Jack! Well done! That's just what the clumsy beggar wanted. Teach him to look where he's going!"
DRY HUMOURDRY HUMOUR"Be'n't ye comin' over for 'im, mister?"
"Be'n't ye comin' over for 'im, mister?"
WIREPROOFWIREPROOFSir Harry Hardman, mounted on "Behemoth," created rather a stir at the meet. He said he didn't care a hang for the barbed or any other kind of wire.
Sir Harry Hardman, mounted on "Behemoth," created rather a stir at the meet. He said he didn't care a hang for the barbed or any other kind of wire.
Not hurt, I hopeA SKETCH FROM THE MIDLANDS"Hulloa, old chap! Not hurt, I hope?""Oh, no, no! Just got off to have a look at the view."
"Hulloa, old chap! Not hurt, I hope?"
"Oh, no, no! Just got off to have a look at the view."
No jolly fearWhip."Here, here! Hold hard! Come back!"Tommy(home for the holidays). "No jolly fear! You want to get first start!"
Whip."Here, here! Hold hard! Come back!"
Tommy(home for the holidays). "No jolly fear! You want to get first start!"
Favourite Son of M.F.H.(to old huntsman). "No, Smith, you won't see much more of me for the rest of the season; if at all."
Smith(with some concern). "Indeed, sir! 'Ow's that?"
Son of M.F.H."Well, you see, I'm reading hard."
Smith(interrogatively). "Readin' 'ard, sir?"
Son of M.F.H."Yes, I'm reading Law."
Smith."Well, I likes to read a bit o' them perlice reports myself, sir, now an' then; but I don't allow 'em to hinterfere with a honest day's 'untin'."
Brown(on foot). "Do you know what the total is for the season?"
Simkins(somewhat new to country life). "Fifteen pairs of foxes, the huntsman says. But he seems to have kept no count of rabbits or 'ares, and I know they've killed and eaten a lot of those!"
PUTTING IT NICELYPUTTING IT NICELYYoung Lady(politely, to old Gentleman who is fiddling with gap). "I don't wish to hurry you, sir, but when you have quite finished your game of spilikins I should like to come!"
Young Lady(politely, to old Gentleman who is fiddling with gap). "I don't wish to hurry you, sir, but when you have quite finished your game of spilikins I should like to come!"
TERPSICHOREANTERPSICHOREANSportsman(to Dancing Man, who has accepted a mount). "Hold on tight, sir, and she'llwaltzover with you.
Sportsman(to Dancing Man, who has accepted a mount). "Hold on tight, sir, and she'llwaltzover with you.
offer you a drinkBenevolent Stranger."Allow me, sir, to offer you a drink!"Unfortunate Sportsman(just out of brook). "Thanks; but I've had a drop too much already!"
Benevolent Stranger."Allow me, sir, to offer you a drink!"
Unfortunate Sportsman(just out of brook). "Thanks; but I've had a drop too much already!"
THE MAGIC WORDTHE MAGIC WORDHuntsman(having run a fox to ground, to yokel). "Run away down and get some o' your fellows to come up with spades, will ye? Tell 'em we're after hidden treasure!"
Huntsman(having run a fox to ground, to yokel). "Run away down and get some o' your fellows to come up with spades, will ye? Tell 'em we're after hidden treasure!"
A CAPITAL DODGEA CAPITAL DODGEAmong his native banks Old Poddles takes a lot of beating. He says there's nothing easier when you know how to negotiate 'em.
Among his native banks Old Poddles takes a lot of beating. He says there's nothing easier when you know how to negotiate 'em.
Jobson, who edits a cheerful little weekly, said to me the other day:
"You hunt, don't you?"
I looked at him knowingly. Jobson interpreted my smile according to his preconceived idea.
"I thought so," he continued.
"Well, you might do me a bright little article—about half a column, you know—on hunting, will you?"
Why should I hesitate? Jobson is safe for cash; and he had not asked me to give my own experiences of the hunting field. I replied warily, "I fancy I know the sort of thing you want."
"Good," he said, and before we could arrive at any detailed explanation he had banged the door and dashed downstairs, jumped into his hansom and was off.
This was the article:-
It is hardly possible to overrate the value of hunting as a National sport. Steeplechasing is a Grand-National sport, but it is the sport of the rich, whereas hunting is not. By judiciously dodging the Hunt Secretary, you can, in fact, hunt for nothing. Of course, people will come at me open-mouthed for this assertion, and say, "How about the keep of your horses?" To which I reply, "If you keep a carriage, hunt the carriage horse; if you don't, borrow a friend's horse for a long ride in the country, and accidentally meet the hounds." To proceed. This has been a season of poor scent. Of course, the horses of the presentday have deteriorated as line hunters: they possess not the keen sense of smell which their grandsires had. But despite this the sport goes gaily on. There are plenty of foxes—but we cannot agree with the popular idea of feeding them on poultry. And yet, in every hunt, we see hunters subscribing to poultry funds. This is not as it should be: Spott's meat biscuit would be much better for foxes' food.
But these be details: let us hie forrard and listen to the cheery voice of sly Reynard as he is winded from his earth. The huntsman blows his horn, and soon the welkin rings with a chorus of brass instruments; the tufters dash into covert, and anon the cheerful note ofPontoorGrippergives warning that a warrantable fox is on foot—well, of course, he couldn't be on horseback, but this is merely a venatorialfaçon de parler. Away go the huntsmen, showing marvellous dexterity in cracking their whips and blowing their horns at the same moment. Last of all come the hounds, trailing after their masters—ah, good dogs, you cannot hope to keep up very far with the swifter-footed horses! Nevertheless, they strain at their leashes and struggle for a better place at the horses' heels. "Hike forrard! tally ho! whoo-hoop!" They swoop over the fields like a charge of cavalry. But after several hours' hard running a check is at hand: the fox falters, then struggles on again, its tail waving over its head. As its pursuers approach, it rushes up a tree to sit on the topmost branch and crack nuts.
The panting horses arrive—some with their riders still in the saddle, though many, alas! have fallen by the wayside. Next come the hounds, at a long interval—poorFido, poorVic, poorSnap! you have done your best to keep up, but the horses have out-distanced you! The whipper-in immediately climbs the tree in which the little red-brown animal still peacefully cracks its nuts, its pretty tail curled well over its head. Its would-be captor carries a revolving wire cage, and, by sleight-of-hand movement, manages to get the quarry securely into it. Then he descends, places the cage in a cart and it is driven home.
The "mort" is sounded by four green velvet-coated huntsmen, with horns wound round their bodies; a beautiful brush presented to the lady who was first up at the "take"; and then the field slowly disperse. Tally Ho-Yoicks! all is over for the day.
MANNERS IN THE FIELDMANNERS IN THE FIELDAlways be prepared to give the lead to a lady, even at some little personal inconvenience.
Always be prepared to give the lead to a lady, even at some little personal inconvenience.
PLEASURES OF HUNTINGTHE PLEASURES OF HUNTINGHaving been cannoned and nearly brought down, to be asked if you are trying the American seat.
Having been cannoned and nearly brought down, to be asked if you are trying the American seat.
HUNTING SKETCHHUNTING SKETCHThe Cast Shoe, or Late for the Meat.
The Cast Shoe, or Late for the Meat.
A KINDLY VIEW OF ITA KINDLY VIEW OF ITFirst Rustic(to Second Ditto). "Oh, I say! Ain't he fond of his horse!"
First Rustic(to Second Ditto). "Oh, I say! Ain't he fond of his horse!"
Where are you goingM.F.H."Hold hard! Hold hard, please!! Whereareyou going with that brute?"Diana(plaintively). "I wish I knew!"
M.F.H."Hold hard! Hold hard, please!! Whereareyou going with that brute?"
Diana(plaintively). "I wish I knew!"
(Stanzas for the First of April)
(Stanzas for the First of April)
Right day to bid a long farewellTo the field's gladsome glee;To hang the crop upon its peg,The saddle on its tree.All Fools' the day, all Fools' the deed,That hunting's end doth bring—With all those stinking violets,And humbug of the Spring!Good-bye to pig-skin and to pink,Good-bye to hound and horse!The whimpering music sudden heardFrom cover-copse and gorse;The feathering stems, the sweeping ears,The heads to scent laid low,The find, the burst, the "Gone-away!"The rattling "Tally-ho!"My horses may eat off their heads,My huntsman eat his heart;My hounds may dream of kills and runsIn which they've borne their part,Until the season's bore is done,And Parliament set free,And cub-hunting comes back againTo make a man of me!
Right day to bid a long farewellTo the field's gladsome glee;To hang the crop upon its peg,The saddle on its tree.All Fools' the day, all Fools' the deed,That hunting's end doth bring—With all those stinking violets,And humbug of the Spring!
Right day to bid a long farewell
To the field's gladsome glee;
To hang the crop upon its peg,
The saddle on its tree.
All Fools' the day, all Fools' the deed,
That hunting's end doth bring—
With all those stinking violets,
And humbug of the Spring!
Good-bye to pig-skin and to pink,Good-bye to hound and horse!The whimpering music sudden heardFrom cover-copse and gorse;The feathering stems, the sweeping ears,The heads to scent laid low,The find, the burst, the "Gone-away!"The rattling "Tally-ho!"
Good-bye to pig-skin and to pink,
Good-bye to hound and horse!
The whimpering music sudden heard
From cover-copse and gorse;
The feathering stems, the sweeping ears,
The heads to scent laid low,
The find, the burst, the "Gone-away!"
The rattling "Tally-ho!"
My horses may eat off their heads,My huntsman eat his heart;My hounds may dream of kills and runsIn which they've borne their part,Until the season's bore is done,And Parliament set free,And cub-hunting comes back againTo make a man of me!
My horses may eat off their heads,
My huntsman eat his heart;
My hounds may dream of kills and runs
In which they've borne their part,
Until the season's bore is done,
And Parliament set free,
And cub-hunting comes back again
To make a man of me!
You're dropping your fish"A-HUNTING WE WILL GO!"Lady."You're dropping your fish!"Irish Fish Hawker(riding hard). "Och, bad luck to thim! Niver moind. Sure we're kapin' up wid the gentry!"
Lady."You're dropping your fish!"
Irish Fish Hawker(riding hard). "Och, bad luck to thim! Niver moind. Sure we're kapin' up wid the gentry!"
JUMPING POWDERJUMPING POWDER(Mr. Twentystun having a nip on his way to covert)Small Boy."Oh my, Billy, 'ere's a heighty-ton gun a chargin' of 'isself afore goin' into haction!"
(Mr. Twentystun having a nip on his way to covert)
Small Boy."Oh my, Billy, 'ere's a heighty-ton gun a chargin' of 'isself afore goin' into haction!"
DRAWN BLANKDRAWN BLANKHuntsman."How is it you never have any foxes here now?"Keeper(who has orders to shoot them.) "Pheasants have eat 'em all!"
Huntsman."How is it you never have any foxes here now?"
Keeper(who has orders to shoot them.) "Pheasants have eat 'em all!"
M.F.H.(who has had occasion to reprimand hard-riding Stranger.) "I'm afraid I used rather strong language to you just now."
Stranger."Strong language? A meretwitter, sir. You should hearourMaster!"
it's only mudIrate Non-sporting Farmer."Hi! you there! What the Duce do you mean by riding over my wheat!"'Arry."'Ere, I say! What are yer givin' us?Wheat!Why, it's only bloomin'mud!"
Irate Non-sporting Farmer."Hi! you there! What the Duce do you mean by riding over my wheat!"
'Arry."'Ere, I say! What are yer givin' us?Wheat!Why, it's only bloomin'mud!"
A valuable hunter, belonging to Mr. Durlacher, got its hind foot securely fixed in its mouth one day last week, and a veterinary surgeon had to be summoned to its assistance. This recalls the ancient Irish legend of the man who never opened his mouth without putting his foot into it. But that, of course, was a bull.
Nervous Visitor(pulling up at stiff-looking fence.) "Are you going to take this hedge, sir?"
Sportsman."No. It can stop where it is, as far as I'm concerned."
The Pride of the Hunt(to Smith, who, for the last ten minutes, has been gallantly struggling with obstinate gate.) "Mr. Smith, if you reallycan'topen that gate, perhaps you will kindly move out of the way, and allow me tojumpit!"
APTAPTBrown(helping lady out of water.) "'Pon my word, Miss Smith, you remind me exactly of What's-her-name rising from the What-you-call!"
Brown(helping lady out of water.) "'Pon my word, Miss Smith, you remind me exactly of What's-her-name rising from the What-you-call!"
A CHECKA CHECKM.F.H.(riding up to old Rustic, with the intention of asking him if he has seen the lost fox.) "How long have you been working here, master?"Old Rustic(not seeing the point.) "Nigh upon sixty year, mister!"
M.F.H.(riding up to old Rustic, with the intention of asking him if he has seen the lost fox.) "How long have you been working here, master?"
Old Rustic(not seeing the point.) "Nigh upon sixty year, mister!"
WHAT'S IN A NAME"WHAT'S IN A NAME?"Whip."Wisdom!Get away there!!Wisdom!!Wisdom!!!Ugh!—you always were the biggest fool in the pack!"
Whip."Wisdom!Get away there!!Wisdom!!Wisdom!!!Ugh!—you always were the biggest fool in the pack!"
being helped out of a brookSOMETHING THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN EXPRESSED DIFFERENTLYMrs. Brown(being helped out of a brook by the gallant Captain, who has also succeeded in catching her horse.) "Oh, Captain Robinson! thank yousomuch!"Gallant, but somewhat flurried, Captain."Not at all—don't mention it." (Wishing to add something excessively polite and appropriate.) "Only hope I may soon have another opportunity of doing the same again for you."
Mrs. Brown(being helped out of a brook by the gallant Captain, who has also succeeded in catching her horse.) "Oh, Captain Robinson! thank yousomuch!"
Gallant, but somewhat flurried, Captain."Not at all—don't mention it." (Wishing to add something excessively polite and appropriate.) "Only hope I may soon have another opportunity of doing the same again for you."
Criticising friend(to nervous man on new horse.) "Oh! now I recollect that mare. Smashem bought her of Crashem last season, and she broke a collar-bone for each of them."
TIP OF THE MORNING"THE TIP OF THE MORNING TO YOU!"First Whip thanks him, and hums to himself,"When other tips, and t'other parts, Then he remembersme!"
First Whip thanks him, and hums to himself,"When other tips, and t'other parts, Then he remembersme!"
goin' to try it backwardsGiles(indicating Sportsman on excitable horse, waiting his turn.) "Bless us all, Tumas, if that un beant a goin' to try it back'ards!"
Giles(indicating Sportsman on excitable horse, waiting his turn.) "Bless us all, Tumas, if that un beant a goin' to try it back'ards!"
THE HARDUP HARRIERSWITH THE HARDUP HARRIERSDismounted Huntsman(to his mount.) "Whoa, you old brute! To think I went and spared yer from the biler only last week! You hungrateful old 'idebound 'umbug!"
Dismounted Huntsman(to his mount.) "Whoa, you old brute! To think I went and spared yer from the biler only last week! You hungrateful old 'idebound 'umbug!"
On Clothes(1)On Clothes.—"Why not employ local talent? Saves half the money, and no one can tell the difference."
(1)On Clothes.—"Why not employ local talent? Saves half the money, and no one can tell the difference."
try to pull it out(2) If the thong of your whip gets under your horse's tail, just try to pull it out!
(2) If the thong of your whip gets under your horse's tail, just try to pull it out!
Don't buy a horse(3) Don't buy a horse because he is described as being "Well known with the—— Hounds." It might be true.
(3) Don't buy a horse because he is described as being "Well known with the—— Hounds." It might be true.
a bit out of hand(4) If at a meet your horse should get a bit out of hand, just run him up against some one.
(4) If at a meet your horse should get a bit out of hand, just run him up against some one.
opening a gate for the huntsman(5) If opening a gate for the huntsman, don't fall into the middle of the pack!
(5) If opening a gate for the huntsman, don't fall into the middle of the pack!
Sit well back at your fences(6) Sit well back at your fences!
(6) Sit well back at your fences!
Look before you leap(7) Look before you leap.
(7) Look before you leap.
If you lose your horse(8) If you lose your horse, just tell the huntsman to catch it for you.
(8) If you lose your horse, just tell the huntsman to catch it for you.
M.F.H.(justly irate, having himself come carefully round edge of seed-field.) "Blank it all, Rogerson, what's the good o' me trying to keep the field off seeds, and a fellow like you coming slap across 'em?"
Hard-Riding Farmer."It's all right. They're my own! Ar've just come ower my neighbour's wheat, and ar couldn't for vary sham(e) miss my own seeads!"
Dealer(to Hunting Man, whose mount hasNOTanswered expectations.) "How much do you want for that nag o' yours, sir?"
Hunting Man."Well, I'll take a hundred guineas."
Dealer."Make itshillings."
H. M.(delighted.) "He's yours!"
NOT A LADIES' DAYNOT A LADIES' DAYMiss Scramble."Now, Charles, give me one more long hair-pin, and I shall do."
Miss Scramble."Now, Charles, give me one more long hair-pin, and I shall do."
Owner of let-out hunters(to customer just returned from day's sport.) "Are you aware, sir, that ain't my 'orse?"
Sportsman."Not yours! Then, by Jove, Ididcollar the wrong gee during that scrimmage at the brook!"
Stranger from over the water."I guess you've a mighty smart bunch of dogs there, m'lord!"
Noble but crusty M.F.H."Then you guess wrong, sir.This is a pack of hounds!"
"Wish you'd feed your horse before he comes out."
"Eh—why—hang it!—what do you mean?"
"He's always trying to eat my boots. He evidently thinks there's some chance of getting at a little corn!"
Have you seen my hareTHE RETORT COURTEOUS(A Reminiscence of the past Harrier Season)Major Topknot, M.H.(to butcher's boy.) "Hi! Hulloah! Have you seen my hare?"Butcher's Boy."Ga-a-rn! 'Ave you seen my whiskers?"
(A Reminiscence of the past Harrier Season)
Major Topknot, M.H.(to butcher's boy.) "Hi! Hulloah! Have you seen my hare?"
Butcher's Boy."Ga-a-rn! 'Ave you seen my whiskers?"
Sportsman(just come to grief, to Kindhearted Stranger who has captured horse.) "I say, I'm awfully obliged to you! I can get on all right, so please don't wait!"
Kindhearted Stranger."Oh, I'd rather, thanks! I want you to flatten the next fence for me!"
Nervous Man(who hires his hunters.) "Know anything about this mare? Ringbone tells me she's as clever as a man!"
Friend."Clever as a man? Clever as a woman more like it! Seen her play some fine old games with two or three fellows, I can tell you!"