Ah, what was that groan!—'twas the Head of the Church,When he found she was come—for he dreaded a searchInto whathe'd been doing:and sorely afraid, forWhatshemight find out,cried 'I'll not have her pray'd for';And the B———ps, obeying theirpiousHead,care tookThat the name of his wifeshould be out of the prayer book!A BURNING SHAME!"
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On searching for precedents, much to their dread,They found that they could n't well cut off her head;
And the 'House of Incurables' raised a 'Report'She was not a fit person to live inhisCourt.How like an OLD CHARLEYthey then made him stand,In his lanthorn aleech,the 'Report' in his hand.'Good folks be so good as not go near that door'For, though my own wife, sheis—I could say more'But it's all in thisBag, and there'll be a fine pother,'I shall get rid of her, and I'll then get another!'Yet he thought, to himself,—'twas a thought most distressing,—'Ifsheshould discoverI've been M—ch—ss—g,'There's an end of the whole!D——rs C-ns, of course,'Ifmy ownhands are dirty,won't grant a D———ce!'He tried to look wise, but he only look'd wild;The women laugh'd out, and the grave even smiled:The old frown'd upon him—the children made sport,And his wife held herridiculeat his 'Report'!Moral.Be warn'd by his fateMarried, single, and all;Ye elderly Gentlemen,Pity his fall!
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As yon bright orb, that vivifies our ball,Sees through our system, and illumines all;
So, sees and shines, our Moral Sun, The Press,Alike to vivify the mind, and bless;Sees the ratLeechturn towards Milan's walls,'Till the black slime betrays him as he crawls;'Sees, from that recreant, vile, and eunuch-land,Where felon-perjurers hold their market-stand,Cooke, with his 'cheek of parchment, eye of stone,'Get up the evidence, to go well down;Sees who, with eager hands, the Green Bag cram,And warns the nation of the frightful flam;Sees Him, for whom they work the treacheroustask,With face, scarce half conceal'd, behind their mask,Fat, fifty-eight, and frisky, still a beau,Grasping a half-made match, byLeech-light go;Led by a passion, prurient, blind, and batter'd,Lame, bloated, pointless, flameless, age'd andshatter'd;Creeping, like Guy Fawkes, to blow up his wife,Whom, spurn'd in youth, he dogs through after-life.Scorn'd, exiled, baffled, goaded in distress,She owes her safety to a fearless Press:With all the freedom that it makes its own,It guards, alike, the people and their throne;While fools with darkling eye-balls shun its gaze,And soaring villains scorch beneath its blaze.
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The day will soon come, when 'the Judge and thePonderer,'Will judge between thee, and the charge-daring'WandererWill say—'Thou who cast the first stone at thy wife,Art thou without sin, and is spotlessthylife?'Ah! what ifthyfaults should 'outrival the sloe,'And thy wife's, beside thine, should look 'whiterthan snow'!Bethink thee! the old British Lion awoke,Turns indignant, and treads out thy bag-full of smoke.Spurn thy minions—the traitors, who counsel thee,banish;And the soldiers will quickly forget all theirSpanish!
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Shakspeare says, in King John, it's a curse mostabhorrent,That 'Slavestake the humours of Kings for a warrant.'A moreusefultruth never fell from his pen,If Kings would apply it like sober-bred men.The Slaves ofyourwill,will make your reign, in History,A misrule of force, folly, taxing, and mystery:Indulging your wish forwhat, with law,'s incompatible,For the present, they've render'd your crownnot come-at-able;And the tongues of old women and infancy wag,With, 'He call'd for his crown—andthey gave him theBag!'
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To this have they brought thee, at last!
Exposed thee, for all men to see!Ah, surely, their panderingshall quickly be past:—'How wretched their portionshall be!'Derision shall strike themforlorn,'A mockery that never shall die:'The curses of hate and the hissesof scorn,f Shall follow wherever they fly;'And proud o'er their ruinfor ever be hurl'd,'The laughter of triumph,the jeers of the world!'THE END
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An Extract of an overland Dispatch.I stare at it from out my casement,And ask for what is such a place meant.Byron.
July 29, 1820.
——The queerest of all the queer sightsI've set sight on;—Is, thewhat dye-call'-t thing, here,The Folly at Brighton
The outside—huge teapots,
all drill'd round with holes,Relieved by extinguishers,sticking on poles:
The inside—all tea-things,
and dragons, and bells,
The show rooms—allshow,
the sleeping rooms—cells.
But thegrandCuriosity
's not to be seen—
The owner himself—
an old fat Mandarin;
A patron of painters
who copy designs,
That grocers and tea-dealers
hang up for signs:
Hence teaboard-taste artists
gain rewards and distinction,Hence his title of 'Teapot'shall last to extinction.
I saw his great chair
into which he falls—soss—And sits, in his China Shop,like a large Joss;
His mannikins round him,
in tea-tray array,
His pea-hens beside him,
to make him seem gay.
It is said when he sleepson his state Eider-down,And thinks on his Wife,and abouthalfa Crown;
That he wakes from these horrible dreams in a stew;
And that, stretching his arms out,
he screams, Mrs. Q.!He's cool'd on the M—ch-ss,but I'm your debtorFor further particulars—in a C letter.
You must know that he hateshis ownwife, to a failing;—
And it's thought, it's to shun her,he's now gone out
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To be used daily by all devout People throughoutthe Realm, for the Happy Deliverance of HerMajesty QUEEN CAROLINE From the late most Traitorous Conspiracy.Eighth Edition.LONDON:Printed for WILLIAM HONE, 45, Ludgate Hill; andsold by all Booksellers in the United Kingdom. 1820.PriceSix-pence.
THE ORDER FOR DAILY PRAYER THROUGHOUT THE YEAR.At the beginning of Morning and Evening Prayer theMinister may read with a loud voice some one or moreof these Sentences of the Scriptures that follow. Andthen may be said that which is written after the saidSentences, together with other suitable portions of theusual Service.
WHEN the righteous are in authority, the peoplerejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, thepeople mourn.Prov. xxix. 2.By reason of the multitude of oppressions they makethe oppressed to cry: they cry out by reason of thearm of the mighty.Job, xxxv. 9.If a ruler hearken to lies, all his servants arewicked.Prov. xxix. 12.The wicked walk on every side when the vilest menare exalted.Psalm xii. 8.They are exalted for a little while, but they aregone and brought low: they are taken out of the wayas all other, and cut off as the tops of green corn.Job, xxiv. 24.A righteous man falling down before the wicked isas a troubled fountain, and a corrupt spring.Prov.xxv. 26.A wise king scattereth the wicked, and bringeththe wheel over them.Prov. xx. 26.
This Hymn following may be used; one Verse by thePriest, and another by the Clerk and People.O GIVE thanks unto the Lord, for he is gracious:and his mercy endureth for ever.Psalm cvii. 1.Let them give thanks whom the Lord hath redeemed:and delivered from the hand of the enemy. Verse 2.Many a time have they fought against me from myyouth up.Psalm cxxix. 1.Yea, many a time have they vexed me from my youthup: but they have not prevailed against me. Verse 2.They have privily laid their net to destroy mewithout a cause: yea, even without a cause have theymade a pit for my soul.Psalm xxxv. 7.They have laid a net for my feet, and pressed down mysoul: they have digged a pit before me, and are falleninto the midst of it themselves. Psalm lvii. 7.Great is our Lord, and great is his power: yea,and his wisdom is infinite.Psalm cxlvii. 5.The Lord setteth up the meek: and bringeth the un-godly down to the ground. Verse 6.Two Psalms appointed in the Book of Common Prayerto be said on the 29th of each month throughout the year.PSALM CXL.Eripe me, Domine..DELIVER me, O Lord, from the evil man: andpreserve me from the wicked man.2 Who imagine mischief in their hearts: and stirup strife all the day long.3 They have sharpened their tongues like a ser-pent: adders' poison is under their lips.4 Keep me, O Lord, from the hands of the un-godly: preserve me from the wicked men, who arepurposed to overthrow my goings.
5 The proud have laid a snare for me, and spreada net abroad with cords: yea, and set traps in myway.6 I said unto the Lord, Thou art my God: hearthe voice of my prayers, O Lord.7 O Lord God, thou strength of my health: thouhast covered my head in the day of battle.8 Let not the ungodly have his desire, O Lord:let not his mischievous imagination prosper, lest theybe too proud.9 Let the mischief of their own lips fall upon thehead of them: that compass me about.10 Let hot burning coals fall upon them: let thembe cast into the fire, and into the pit, that they neverrise up again.11 A man full of words shall not prosper upon theearth: evil shall hunt the wicked person to overthrowhim.12 Sure I am that the Lord will avenge the poor:and maintain the cause of the helpless.IS The righteous also shall give thanks unto thyName: and the just shall continue in thy sight.PSALM CXLI.Domine clamavi.LORD, I call upon thee, haste thee unto me andconsider my voice when I cry unto thee.2 Let my prayer be set forth in thy sight as theincense: and let the lifting up of my hands be anevening sacrifice.3 Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth: andkeep the door of my lips.4 O let not mine heart be inclined to any evilthing: let me not be occupied in ungodly works withthe men that work wickedness, lest I eat of suchthings as please them.
5 Let the righteous rather smite me friendly: andreprove me.6 But let not their precious balms break my head:yea, I will pray yet against their wickedness.7 Let their judges be overthrown in stony places:that they may hear my words, for they are sweet.8 Our bones lie scattered before the pit: like aswhen one breaketh and hevveth wood upon the earth.9 But mine eyes look unto thee, O Lord God: inthee is my trust, O cast not out my soul.10 Keep me from the snare that they have laid forme: and from the traps of the wicked doers.11 Let the ungodly fall into their own nets toge-ther: and let me ever escape them.The Suffrages may be as followeth.Priest. O Lord, save the Queen.People. Who putteth her trust in thee.Priest. Send her help from thy holy place.People. And evermore mightily defend her.Priest. Let her enemies have no advantage againsther.People. Let not the wicked approach to hurt her.After the Collects[for Peace and Deliverance fromour Enemies]may be said that which followeth.ALMIGHTY God and heavenly Father, who of thygracious providence, and tender mercy towardsus, didst prevent the malice and imaginations of ourenemies, by discovering and confounding their horribleand wicked Enterprize, plotted and intended to havebeen executed against the Queen and the whole StateofEngland, for the subversion of the Governmentand Religion established among us; and didst like-wise wonderfully conduct thy Servant QueenCaroline,and bring her safely intoEngland, and preserve usfrom the attempts of our enemies to bereave us of ourreligion and laws: We most humbly praise and mag-nify thy most glorious Name for thy unspeakablegoodness towards us, expressed in both these acts ofthy mercy. Let the consideration of this thy re-peated goodness, O Lord, work in us true repentance,that iniquity may not be our ruin. And increase inus more and more a lively faith and love, fruitful inall holy obedience; that thou mayest still continuethy favour, with the light of thy Gospel, to us andour posterity for evermore.Amen.
Prayer.ALMIGHTY God, who hast in all ages shewedthy Power and Mercy in the protection ofrighteous States from the wicked conspiracies, andmalicious practices of all the enemies thereof: Weyield thee our unfeigned thanks and praise, for thewonderful and mighty deliverance of our graciousQueen CAROLINE, by cruel treachery appointed asa sheep to the slaughter, in a most barbarous andsavage manner, beyond the examples of former ages.From this unnatural conspiracy, not our merit, butthy mercy; not our foresight, but thy providencedelivered us: And therefore not unto us, O Lord,not unto us, but unto thy Name be ascribed allhonour and glory, in all Churches of the saints, fromgeneration to generation.Amen.Instead of the Prayer[In time of War and Tu-mults]may be used this Prayer following.
ETERNAL God, and our most mighty Protector,we thy unworthy servants do humbly presentourselves before thy Majesty, acknowledging thypower, wisdom, and goodness, in preserving theQueen from the destruction intended against her.Make us, we beseech thee, truly thankful for this,and for all other thy great mercies towards us; par-ticularly we bless thee for giving Her Majesty a safearrival here, and for making all opposition fall beforeher. We beseech thee to protect and defend herfrom all treasons and conspiracies; Preserve her inthy faith, fear, and love; prosper her with long hap-piness here on earth; and crown her with everlastingglory hereafter.Amen.The following may be said or sung, one Verse by thePriest, another by the Clerk and People.Grant the Queen a long life: and make her gladwith the joy of thy countenance.Psalm Ixi. 6.andxxi. 6.Let her dwell before thee for ever: O prepare thyloving mercy and faithfulness, that they may preserve her.Psalm lxi. 7.In her time let the righteous flourish: and let peacebe in all our borders.Psalm Ixxii. 7. and cxlii. 14.As for her enemies, clothe them with shame: but uponherself let her crown flourish.Psalm cxxxii. 19.Also this.Thou art the God that hast no pleasure in wicked-ness: neither shall any evil dwell with thee.Psalmv. 4.Thou wilt destroy them that speak leasing: the Lordabhors both the blood-thirsty and deceitful man.ver: 6.O how suddenly do they consume: perish, andcome to a fearful end!Psalmlxxiii. 18.Yea, even like as a dream, when one awaketh: sodidst thou make their image to vanish out of the city.ver. 19.This Sentence may be read at the Offertory.
Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you,do ye even so to them; for this is the law and theProphets.St. Matt.vii. 12.Also may be profitably read these Sentences.There is a generation that are pure in their owneyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.Prov.xxx. 12.Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil;that put darkness for light, and light for darkness;that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!Isaiah,v. 20. 'Woe unto you Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! forye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter.Matt, xxiii. 25.But your inside is full of ravening and wickedness.Luke, xi. 39.Woe unto you Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!for ye are as graves which appear not, and the menthat walk over them are not aware of them.Luke,xi. 44.His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself,and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.Prov.v. 22.He shall die without instruction; and in the great-ness of his folly he shall go astray.Prov. v. 23.The congregation of hypocrites shall be desolateand fire shall consume the tabernacles of bribery.Job, xv. 34.After the Prayer[For the whole State of Christ'sChurch, &c.]this Collect following may be used.
ALMIGHTY God and heavenly Father, who, ofthine infinite and unspeakable goodness towardsus, didst in a most extraordinary and wonderful man-ner disappoint and overthrow the wicked designs ofthose traitorous, heady, and high-minded men, who,under the pretence of Religion and thy most holyName, had contrived, and well-nigh effected the utterdestruction of thy Servant CAROLINE, our belovedQueen: as we do this day most heartily and devoutlyadore and magnify thy glorious Name for this thineinfinite goodness already vouchsafed to us; so do wemost humbly beseech thee to continue thy grace andfavour towards us, that no such dismal calamity mayever again fall upon us. Infatuate and defeat all thesecret counsels of deceitful and wicked men againstus. Abate their pride, asswage their malice, andconfound their devices. With judgment and justicecut off all such workers of iniquity, as turn Religioninto Rebellion, and Faith into Faction; that theymay never prevail against us, nor triumph in theruin of the Monarchy. Protect and defend Her Ma-jesty from all treasons and conspiracies. Be unto heran helmet of salvation, and a strong tower of defenceagainst the face of all her enemies; clothe them withshame and confusion, but let Her for ever flourish.So we thy people, and the sheep of thy pasture, willgive thee thanks for ever, and will always be shewingforth thy praise from generation to generation.—Amen.Or there may be sung or said this Hymn following:one Verse by the Priest, and another by the Clerkand people.MY song shall be alway of the loving kindness ofthe Lord: with my mouth will I ever be shew-ing forth his truth from one generation to another.Psalmlxxxix. 1.
The merciful and gracious Lord hath so done hismarvellous works: that they ought to be had in remem-brance.Psalm cxi. 4.Who can express the noble acts of the Lord: orshew forth all his praise?Psalmcvi. 2.The works of the Lord are great: sought out of allthem that have pleasure therein. Psalm cxi. 2.The Lord setteth up the meek: and bringeth thenngodly down to the ground.Psalmcxlvii. 6.The Lord executeth righteousness and judgment: forall them that are oppressed with wrong.Psalm ciii. 6.This Collect may likewise be used.O ALMIGHTY God, who art a strong tower ofdefence unto thy servants against the face oftheir enemies; We yield thee praise and thanksgivingfor the wonderful deliverance of these kingdoms fromthe GREAT CONSPIRACY, and all the Miseriesand Oppressions consequent thereupon. We acknow-ledge it thy goodness, that we are not utterly deli-vered over as a prey unto our enemies; beseechingthee still to continue such thy mercy towards us, thatall the world may know that thou art our Saviour andmighty deliverer.Amen.After the Prayer for the King, the Priest may saythus.Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest allthe days of thy vanity, which he hath given theeunder the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that isthy portion inthislife, and in thy labour which thoutakest under the sun.Eccl. ix. 9.So ought men to love their wives as their ownbodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself.Eph.v. 28.
Let every one of you in particular so love his wifeeven as himself; and the wife see that she reverenceher husband.Eph. v. 33.It hath been said, whoever shall put away his wife,let him give her a writing of divorcement:But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put awayhis wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causethher to commit adultery.Matt. v. 31,32.The Collect for God's protection of the Queen againstall her enemies.MOST gracious God, we most humbly beseechthee to protect thy Servant CAROLINE, ourbeloved Queen, from all the dangers to which she maybe exposed; Hide her from the gathering togetherof the froward, and from the insurrection of wickeddoers; Do thou weaken the hands, blast the designs,and defeat the enterprizes of all her enemies; that nosecret conspiracies, nor open violences, may disquiether; but that, being safely kept under the shadow ofthy wing, and supported by thy power, she may tri-umph over all opposition; that so the world mayacknowledge thee to be her Defender and mighty.Deliverer in all difficulties and adversities.Amen.This may also be said.LORD God of our salvation, who hast been ex-ceedingly gracious unto this land, and by thymiraculous providence didst deliver us out of ourmiserable confusion; by restoring to us, and to herown just and undoubted rights, our most graciousQueen CAROLINE, notwithstanding all the powerand malice of her enemies; and to the great comfortand joy of our hearts: We are here now before thee,with all due thankfulness, to acknowledge thine un-speakable goodness herein, and to offer unto thee our"sacrifice of praise for the same; we beseech thee tobless the Queen with all increase of grace, honourand happiness, in this world, and to crown her withimmortality and glory in the world to come.Amen.
Versicles.As snow in summer, and as rain in harvest, so ho-nour is not seemly for a fool.Prov.xxvi. 1.The wicked are like the troubled sea, when it can-not rest, whose waters cast up mire and dirt.Isa. lvii.29.Take away the wicked from before the king, andhis throne shall be established in righteousness.Prov.-xxv. 5.When it goeth well with the righteous, the cityrejoiceth: and when the wicked perish, there isshouting.Prov. xi. 10.A false witness shall not be unpunished, and hethat speaketh lies shall not escape.Prov. ix. 5.Great men are not always wise: neither do theaged understand judgment.Job, xxxii. 9.For the transgression of a land, many are the princesthereof: but by a man of understanding and know-ledge, the state thereof shall be prolonged.Prov.xxviii. 2.As a roaring lion, and a ranging bear; so is awicked ruler over the poor people.Prov.xxviii. 15.Better is a poor and a wise child than an old andfoolish king, who will no more be admonished.Eccl.iv. 13.His bones are full of the sins of his youth, whichshall lie down with him in the dust.Job, xx. 11.Be wise now therefore O ye kings; be instructedye judges of the earth.Psalmii. 10.
PSALMS FROM THE NEW VERSION,By N. BRADY, D. D. and N. TATE, Esq.
I. (Psalm 6.)
Reader,Itseemeth meet to acquaint thee that the foregoingForm of Prayer with Thanksgiving to be used Daily forHer Majesty, hath been wholly compiled from Scripture,and from certain Services and Forms appointed in theBook of Common Prayer: viz.The Services forMorning and Evening Prayer; the Form for the Dayof the Martyrdom of the blessed King Charles I.; theForm for the Restoration of His most religions andgracious Son, King Charles II.; and the Form for theDay whereon theChurch as by Law establishedannuallycelebrates the overthrow of theTyrannyexercised byHis Most Sacred MajestyKing James II.and thesuccess of the Glorious Principles whereby His saidMajesty was providentially dethroned} and theRevolutionof 1688happily effected.Farewell.Printed by William Hose,45, Lndgate Hill.
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&C. &c. &c.
PRINTED BY AND FOR WILLIAM HONE, LUDGATE HllL
==>LOST,at the Court Martial, Signor MY JOKEY'SMEMORY, together with his Government Victualling Bill; both a littledamaged, and of no use but to the owner. Whoever will bring them to thePublisher, in time to be restored to the Signor's disconsolate Mother,Mrs.Leech, shall be rewarded with a "Non mi ricordo!"
WHOare you? Non mi ricordo.
What countryman are you?—a foreigner or an englishman? Non mi ricordo.
Do youunderstandEnglish? No not at all.
Will the Oath you have takenbindyou to speak the truth, or do you know of any other Oathmorebinding?
The Turnstile General objected to the ques-tion; upon which a discussion arose as to the nature of the Oath likely to bind the Witness, who ap-peared to be playing with a thread. The Witness was accordingly asked, by way of illustration, to what degree he thought the thread wasbinding, and whether he knew of any thing elsemorebinding?
The Lord Precedent Furthermore said, if the Witness believed the thread he held wasbinding, that was sufficient.
The Lord Precedents opinion gave rise to a long discussion as to whethermorebinding wasbinding, and binding wasmorebinding; which ended in a reference to the Erminians, who delivered the following solemn opinion:—If the Witness shall answer that he thinks the bit of thread isbinding, there is no doubt itisbinding; but he cannot be asked if a cord ismorebinding, because he in fact saysthat the thread itself isbinding. If the Witness twists the thread round his little finger he is so far bound by it, and it isbinding; and having done that, it is unnecessary to inquire whether a cord, round another part of his body, would bemorebinding.
Question over-ruled.
You are a master tailor, I think? I was cut out for a tailor.
You have been a tailor, then? I only follow tailoring as a mere amusement.
Fond ofGooseI suppose—but pray Mr. Mere-amusement what is your business? I was brought up aCabinetmaker.
What can you get at it?—are you a good hand? I can't say I am; I'm badly off; mytoolsare worn out.
What is your place of residence?
(Order Order).
The Turnstile General protested against the consequences of this mode of Examination.
Lord Juryman—Why does not the Interpreter give the Witness's Answer.
The Lord Precedent Furthermore—Because the Bench objects to the question.
Lord MUDDLEPOOL—Does the Turnstile General object to the question.
The Turnstile General. I do object to it, my Lord. This is perhaps the most important question that ever occurred. By this dealing out, the party is placed in such a situation as he never was placed in before.
Mr.Besom—I ask him where he now lives, and the Turnstile General objects to this, because I do not put all the questions I might put, in a single breath.
The Lord Precedent Furthermore—I feel great difficulty—I doubt..
Lord Wheelbarrow thought there was agreatdeal in what the noble Lord had said; andhedoubted.
How much money has been expended on you since you were born? Non mi ricordo.
What have you done for it in return? More less than more.
How do you get your living? I was waiter for some years at the Hotelde Grand Bretagne, and succeeded my father as head waiter at theCrownInn.
What wages have you? Non mi ricordo.
Have you any perquisites?Veils.
Are youhead waiter, or by what other name than head waiter you may be called, at the Crown Inn?
I am after building a new place called theWellington Arms, and trying to beBarrack-master; if I dont gain theTrialI shall be glad to remain at the oldCrown.
This answer appeared to excite considerable sensation,
The Twister General thought the meaning was,
'if I do n't gain what I attempt to gain.'
[The Short-hand writer was desired to read the answer, and the wordTrialwas retained as the correct translation.]
Ido not ask what you are to be hereafter, but whether you arestillhead waiter at the Crown?
The head waiter is dismissed occasionally.
Are you married? More yes than no.
Do you live with your own wife? No.
Is she in this country? Yes.
Why did you marry? To pay my debts.
Then why did you part? Because my debts were paid.
Were you not up to the eyes in debt? Si Signor.
Are you not bound to manifest some gratitude towards those who have paid your debts?
The Interpreter said the witness was a merefanfaron, and that he found it difficult, if not impossible, to explain to the witness's understanding what was meant bygratitude.
Cross Examination resumed.
Did not you write to your wife a licentious letter, called a letter of license?—(Order, order.)
I ask you again the cause of your separation?
She left me.
On what account? I did not like her, and I told her I'd have nothing to do withherany more.
After that what did you do? Oh, I rambled about.
Where did you go? To Jersey and elsewhere.
Well, Sir, go on. Non mi ricordo.
Do you mean to say that you never went to Manchester Square? More yes than no.
Were you in the house on the footing of a private friend? No, not as a friend.
Youmentioned your father just now:—you did not go in your father'scart, I presume; in what sort of carriage did you go? In the old yellow chariot.
How long did it take you to travel from Manchester Square to Richmond? Non mi ricordo.
How many other places did you go to? Non mi ricordo.
Is the Marquis of C. a married man?
(Order. Order.)
After you parted from your wife, on what terms did you live? I've beentryingto get rid of her.
Do you know what Matthew says (c. v. v. 32.)?
Matthew? Matthew? (trying to recollect)—what Matthew?—he's no friend of mine.
In what light do you consider your oath at the marriage ceremony? A ceremony.
If your marriage oath has not bound you, can you expect people to believe you if ever you should take a solemn public oath? More yes than no.
By the Roman law, a divorce was granted for Drunkenness, Adultery, andFalse Keys: what is your opinion of that law?
The Twister General said, that it was contrary to common sense to ask the witness's opinion about anyLaw.
How many Wives doesyourChurch allow you? Non mi ricordo.
How many have you had since you separated from your own? Non mi ricordo.
Are you a Member of the Society for the Suppression of Vice? Yes (with great energy).
The Cross-examining Counsel said that the Interpreter had materially altered the sense of the last question;he had in fact asked, if the Witness was Member of the Society for the suppression ofWives, (a loud laugh)which Witness had eagerly answered in the affirmative.
The Witness's answer was expunged, and on the question being repeated correctly, he answered that he was told it was his duty to encourage theViceSociety, because it professed to diminish the influence of bad example.
Have they ever prosecuted you? Me!—(with astonishment)—they likemetoo well!
What do you mean then by Suppression—is your Soeiety to prevent little vice from being committed, or great vice from being found out?
More Yes than No.
It was here moved by Lord Le Cuisinier, that 4 o'Clock, the hour of dinner, was arrived.
Another, in a maiden Speeeh, said, that during his long silence in that Court he had had leisure to observe, that 4 o'Clock in themorningwas a more usual hour of adjournment.
Another considered that Lord Le Cuisinier's suggestion ought not to be entertained for a moment. We only exist in our formalities. If we suffer ourselves to be put a stop to by the motion, we may find that we are travelling round again into the obsolete usages of our early ancestors; which will be to describe a circle that must be generally considered as nothing less than a revolution! I therefore deprecate the least innovation, and move, as an amendment, that 4 o'Clock isnotarrived.
TheMaster General of theBlackBarracks at Exeter, rose without his wig, and declaring, upon the memory of his whiskers, that he had just heard it strike 4, he enquired whether the Clock was inOrder. (Loud and continued cries of hear hear.)
The Home DOCTOR felt his pulse alarmingly quicken one and a fraction in the minute, and nervously said, that the clock was clearly guilty of a barefaced libel and ought to be instantly held to bail for breach of the peace. The simultaneous action of all the Clocks throughout the nation and their open communication by circulars, was an index to the existence of an organized correspondence and a systematic affiliation. He trembled at the positive intelligence he had received, that millions at that moment held their hands in an attitude ready to strike; but it was the proudest day of his life that he had so far succeeded by acircularmovement of his own, as to enable his workmen to hold them to the peace for an hour together.
Lord Bathos assured the Black-Barrack Master-General that the Clockwasout of Order, and he congratulated the Home Doctor on his efficiency; but he thought they had not sunk low enough into the subject; for he had strong doubts whether the striking might not be construed into an overt act of High Treason, and if he saw any probability of being supported he should conclude with a substantive motion. Did not the Lord Precedent remember a Clock Case, in which, immediately after the chain had been locked up, a principal link suddenly disappeared? and whether, after the most minute inquiry, there was not every reason to believe from the best information that could be obtained at that time,that that link had beenprigged? (Hear hear.)Take even the very last Clock Case, where the chain was kept together with the greatest pains, and the utmost care. If the smallest link in that chain had beenprigged, it would have been fatal to the works, and yet in that very case, two days after the chain was locked up, a link was obtained, which, if sooner discovered, would have lengthened the chain to the necessary extent, and brought home in the most conclusive manner the guilt of the Clock. He therefore moved that the Clock be examined, and the chain kept in their own custody, with liberty to add to the number of links.
Lord Ratstail with his usual animation seconded the Motion.
Marquiz Boudoir moved as an Amendment, that the Clock being in contempt, theBlack stickbe ordered towalk himin to-morrow. Seconded.
Upon this Amendment the following Amendment was moved and seconded, that the word 'to-morrow' be expunged, and the word 'yesterday' be inserted in its place.Ordered.
Cross Examination resumed.
Does the Witness recollect whether he was at B————? Non mi ricordo.
Who usually closed the Pavilion? I did.
Was it so close as to exclude any person outside from seeing what passed within, or was it partially open? It was quite closed—When I could not close it with C**** entirely, I did it with other pieces.
What do you mean by saying with other pieces?
I mean with other pieces of the same quality.
Symptomsof impatience were now expressed, with loud cries ofWithdraw, withdraw.
Do you remember any thing particular occurring one night? No.
Do you not recollect whether a new wing was added during the time you and your mistress were absent? Non mi ricordo.
Do you know a certain Colonel Q.? Yes, he hastoolittle mustachios.
Are you a sober man? More no than yes.
How many bottles a day do you drink. Non mi ricordo.
Do you drink six bottles? Non mi ricordo.
Five bottles? Non mi ricordo.
How many nights in the week do you go to bed sober? Non mi ricordo.
Are you sober now? More no than yes.
Where do you spend your mornings? AtbCuraçao.
Where do you spend your evenings? At theCat and Fiddle.
What is your favorite dish? Trifle.
What is your favorite game?Bag-at-L——
What is your favorite amusement? The C.
After Dressing, Drinking, and Dreaming, what time remains for thinking? Non mi ricordo.
I hold in my hand a list of immense sums of money that have been advanced to you, how much have you left? None.
Well, but you have something to show for it? No.
How do you live? I have adoll-shop, and a large stable in the country, and somecow-houses in different parts.
Arenot your favourite friendshorn-boys and flashmen?—(Order, order.)
Can you produce a certificate of good character from those whoknowyou? Yes, from theminister.
Pho! plio! do n't trifle; can you from anyrespectableperson? More no than yes.
I understand you have thescarletfever, do you not know that it ends here in aputridfever? Non mi ricordo.
You have many companions and advisers, but have you to your knowledge onerealfriend in the world; and if not, why not? Non mi ricordo.
By what acts of your life do you expect you will be remembered hereafter ? I shall not answer you any more questions; you put questions to me I never dreamt of.
Suppose every man in society were to do as you do, what would become of society; and what right have you to do so, more than any other man ?—(Witness greatly agitated?)
The Witness from theGrilleryasked whether theCrossExamination was nearly concluded?(Cries of Keep on!)—Supposing that the business would close to day at 4 o'clock, he had made a privateassignation,although he was quite ready tostopif necessary.
The Lord Precedent Furthermore was in favour of adhering to a square rule; he had not entered the Court till five seconds past ten by hisstop-watch,in consequence of consulting with his Wife upon a motion-of-course which they had contemplated; and their further deliberation had been postponed until after the adjournment to-day. It was impossible to know what questions might turnout to be doubtful or doubtless; yet adjourning at Five o'Clock would gain a delay of six hours in the Week, and thegaining of any thinghe considered very material in the present case.
An Adjournment then took place, the Witness remaining on