“The sin, of all, most sure to blight—The sin, of all, that the soul's lightIs soonest lost, extinguished in.”Remember then that sexual suffering comes to theincontinentman, and that it is far easier, even for the fully developed vigorous adult, to continue in control of these feelings, than when they have been once excited and indulged.One single impure connection may entail a whole life of syphilitic suffering on the unhappy transgressor. Would this “pay?”No inducement could persuade me to assume the awful responsibilities of advising illicit intercourse. Apart from Christian principle, I know that there is no necessity, physiological, pathological or any other, that can excuse any physician for saying that the Seventh Commandment may ever be broken. My sentiments on the physiological side of the question are so admirably expressed by Acton,[F]that I will here quote from him.“One argument in favor of incontinence deserves special notice, as it purports to be founded on physiology. I have been consulted by persons who feared, or professed to fear, that if the organs were not exercised regularly,they would become atrophied, or that in some way impotence might be the result of chastity. This is the assigned reason for committing fornication. There existsno greatererror than this, or one more opposed to physiological truth. In the first place, I may state that I have, after many years' experience, never seen a single instance of atrophy of the generative organs from this cause. I have, it is true, met with the complaint—but in what class of cases does it occur? It arises in all instances from the exactly opposite cause—abuse: the organs become worn out, and hence arises atrophy. Physiologically considered, it is not a fact that the power of secreting semen is annihilated in well-formed adults leading a healthy life and yet remaining continent. The function goes on in the organ always, from puberty to old age. Semen is secreted sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, and very frequently under the influence of the will. No continent man need be deterred by this apocryphal fear of atrophy of the testes from living a chaste life. It is a device of the unchaste—a lame excuse for their own incontinence, unfounded on any physiological law. The testes will take care that their action is not interfered with.”Many and many a time have I heard itregretted and bemoaned, on account of the many troubles they had seemed to cause, that the sexual organs exist. It is the lewd thoughts and uses to which they are put that causes all this misery, and there is always that “first thought” which should not be harbored. Cast away the impure thoughts, rise above them, and one is safe! Pure thoughts canneverlead to harm.The generative organs, with their functions and uses, are most closely interwoven with the highest destiny and well being of the race physically, mentally and spiritually; they are a part of us, without which there would be no men and women, lovers and loved ones, fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters. We must then happily accept the situation as it is, and our bodies, parts and passions as they are; for they are all indispensable, high and holy, when kept in an orderly and chaste condition. We only need the above knowledge and its application to make ourselves as happy in the enjoyment of these organs as it was designed by our Creator that we should be.To rise above the sexual temptations that may be more or less experienced by many and perhaps by all, requires an effort of course, and frequently a very great effort;but let it be borne in mind that all temptations to do wrong, require effort to overcome them; and as a rule, the greater the evil we are tempted to commit the greater is the effort needed to overcome it. Now, as shown above, since sexual matters are so thoroughly interwoven with the highest destinies of the human race, physically, mentally and spiritually, there is scarcely any function of higher import, allotted to any individual, than that assigned to the genital organs. No function more deeply concerns the healthfulness of the body, the clearness and brilliancy of the intellect, or the purity and sincerity of the soul itself.Several times in the course of this book I have referred to the term “abuse.” By “abuse,” I mean precisely whatLallemandso forcibly expresses as follows: “I understand by the term abuse, when applied to the organs of generation, any irregular or premature exercise of their functions; any application of them which cannot have, as its result, the propagation of the species.”Look at the habitual masturbator! See how thin, pale and haggard he appears; how his eyes are sunken; how long and cadaverous is his cast of countenance; how irritable he is and how sluggish, mentally and physically; how afraid he is to meet the eye of his fellows; feel hisdamp and chilling hand, so characteristic of great vital exhaustion. Taken as a class, how terrible are their lost virility, their miserable night's sleep, their convulsions and their shrunken limbs. They keep by themselves, seeking charm in solitude and are fit companions for no one; they dare not read their Bible, they cannot commune with good angels nor with the Lord, our Saviour. Is not this picture deplorable? It is at the last end of the chain I admit, but it is reached link after link, one at a time; and the first link was forged when the first temptation in the mind was first favored and finally yielded to. The above picture is a true one and shows how intimately connected are the soul, the mind and the body with this whole subject. Man in a healthy state need not and should not lose one drop of seminal fluid by his own hand, by nightly emissions or pollutions, or in any way, until he becomes conjoined to a wife of his choice in the holy bonds of matrimony. Every time the seed of his body is lost in a disorderly or unnatural way, he injures the finest textures of his brain correspondingly, as well as the finest and most exalted condition of his mind and soul, because the act proceeds in its incipiency from a willful prostitution of these higher powers.When sexual thoughts and temptations arise in one's mind, even very young men are capable of putting them away, urged by the thought that tampering with one's generative organs is wrong. He should intuitively feel that it is something akin to theft, or a crime of some worse sort, for him to indulge in solitary vice and he should intuitively feel an inward reproach for all such meditations. When one is sorely tempted in these matters, as is often the case, let him reflect that he was not created to indulge in such pleasures by himself, and that to do so is a crime, a sin against the God of Heaven; that it is his destiny, his privilege and one of the uses of his life to share such enjoyments with the wife of his bosom; and that all excitement or dallying with this part of his nature before marriage only serves to weaken his sexual powers, as well as his mind and body; also, that it mars his sexual uses and will detract from his sexual pleasures in the married life. Sexual indulgence of any sort in a young man is a loss, not only to himself but also, prospectively, to that dear girl whom he will some day make his wife. Such reflections will often drive away the temptation entirely. If they are not sufficient to do so let him read some interesting book that shall take hismind away from the subject; or, that failing, let him take exercise, vigorous exercise—pushed to fatigue, if necessary. If these states of temptation occur in bed at night, let him rise and read, plunge his arm into very cold water, or if necessary go forth into the open air and seek relief in a rapid walk. It is better to go to any amount of trouble and to endure any physical discomfort, than to sacrifice one's chastity, the loss of which can never be replaced.A young man naturally desires and expects chastity of the strictest order in the young woman of his choice for a wife. Who would marry a girl, no matter how beautiful or how many and varied her accomplishments if it were known that she had granted her favors to any other man? And yet, what less hasshea perfect right to require from a young man who presumes to pay his addresses to her? This consideration, too, should serve as a restraint to any amorous desires that might infest a man's mind. It is wonderful how keen are the perceptions of a pure minded young lady to detect even an approach to licentiousness in the male. He is abhorrent to her and his very sphere betrays him.With the facts of the preceding pages,contained in this chapter being known, it does seem as if every man would keep himself pure from all carnal associations and use the utmost care not to prostitute his mind, that he may approach the nuptial altar as pure in mind and body as he would have her who is to become the idol of his heart.Now this is all very beautiful in theory and desirable in practice, butis it practical? Can man so school himself in self denial as to accomplish this end? Are there not real physiological facts existing which utterly preclude the possibility of this most desirable result? Do not, as has been alleged by some writers, the testicles of man secrete semen until they become so surcharged that emission becomes absolutely necessary, and does not this accumulation actually produce such sexual excitement that man feels compelled to seek relief in some way? I answer, most unhesitatingly, NO! The above questions are all theories and utterly devoid of fact.Would Almighty God command, “Thou shaltnotcommit adultery,” and then so create man as to compel him to break his Divine injunction?Abundance of proof is at hand to substantiate this sweeping remark of mine, werethis the place to produce it. Seminal fluid is abundantly secreted and produced only during the height of sexual excitement in the male. As Acton remarks: “It is a highly organized fluid requiring the expenditure of much vital force in its elaboration and its expulsion.” It is secreted from the blood of his body and the whole man physically, mentally and spiritually is concerned and represented in its product; consequently the action requires an effort of the whole man, and, if often repeated, the effect is very exhausting to the physical powers, to the mind and to the brain. Let this be another warning to remain in purity of heart.We have said in the preceding pages that man, in a healthy state, need not lose a drop of seminal fluid until after marriage. There are many abnormal causes resulting in what are called wet dreams, nightly pollutions, spermatorrhœa, prostatic emission during stool or urination, also diurnal emissions without erection. These may result from over study, from errors in diet such as use of coffee, highly seasoned food, wines, spirituous liquors or drugs of various kinds—though perhaps prescribed by a physician. When these troubles arise from constitutional disorders, a skillful physician must beconsulted at once. Errors in diet and the taking of drugs causing this trouble must of course be discontinued.[G]“Certain medicines—as astringents, purgatives, narcotics, stimulants and diuretics especially—may bring on conditions from which spermatorrhœa may arise.” Among other causes Lallemand refers to the use of quinine, tobacco and, particularlyalcohol. The trouble may also arise from injuries and many other accidental causes, besides masturbation and venereal excesses.It is distressing to see what a complete wreck seminal losses make of those who were once robust and healthy young men, and what a shock they give to the nervous system. They become weak, pale, and feeble in mind, while all that was manly and vigorous has gone out of them. Now which of the two is preferable—the pride of a virtuous youth, or the roué exhausted and worn out by sexual abuses? It demands great strength to become either, but really a much greater effort for the latter; because it requires very great perseverance for a chaste and pure minded man to debase himself by such practices. It depends on the mind which is all right before yielding the first point; thereforebeware and shun the first step downward. Strengthen the moral courage and exercise the will power so as always to be able to say, “No,” to whatever temptation the conscience tells you is wrong.CHAPTER V.Adolescence of the Female.Adolescenceof the female embraces the period of life from the age of twelve or fourteen, to twenty-one years.At about the twelfth or fourteenth year of the girl's life a marked change comes over her form, features and mental state. Unlike the male, the forms which in him are angular, become in her rounded, symmetrical and beautiful, and the characteristic feminine proportions are well marked; she becomes more graceful in her movements, her voice grows sweeter, more mellow, more powerful and capable of registering a higher tone. New feelings and desires are awakened in her mind. Her deportment becomes more commanding and less frivolous, and the girl is lost in the woman.If she has been so fortunate as to have escaped all the dangers and baneful influences of infantile and childhood life, she is womanly indeed, and we behold her with an unburdened conscience, clear intellect, artless and candid address, good memory, buoyant spirits, acomplexion bright, clear and, as the poet declares, “beautiful exceedingly.” Every function of her body is well performed, and no fatigue is experienced after moderate exertion. She evinces that elasticity of spirit and gracefulness of body, and happy control of her feelings which indicate healthfulness of both mind and body. Her whole time is given up to her studies, duties and amusements; and as she feels her stature increase and her intellect enlarge, she gladly prepares for her coming struggle with the world—though in a manner becoming to her sex. This, too, is no fanciful sketch, but is realized in thousands of cases every year. It is one which parents feel proud to witness in a daughter, and one in which the daughter takes a modest delight. We have said that every function of her body is well performed. The functions of the female body, which in a state of health are perfectly free from pain, are very numerous and, in the four years from fourteen to eighteen, she accomplishes an amount of physiological cell change and growth which Nature does not require of a boy in less than twice that number of years. It is obvious, therefore, that a girl upon whom Nature, for a limited period and for a definite purpose, imposes so great a physiological task, will not have as muchpower left for the tasks of school as a boy, of whom Nature requires less at the corresponding epoch. The functions of circulation, respiration, digestion, perspiration, nutrition and menstruation, though involuntary, are all important, dependent one upon another, and all develop at the proper time. Puberty is the proper time for the appearance of menstruation, one of the most important and sacred of her functions. It should not be feared, dreaded or regarded as a nuisance; it forms a part of herself; and she never commands the respect and forbearance of her friends, or even of her enemies, more than when it is known that she is “unwell.” It serves in many ways as a blessing to her, rather than an inconvenience. Let no young girl be alarmed, as, owing to the negligence of her parents or guardians, many are, at the first appearance of this flow of blood from the genital organs. She should keep more quiet than usual, at these times, until the flow disappears, which it will do in a few days. In a state of health these appearances occur every twenty-eight days and the young lady should exercise extreme caution at such times, in avoiding unnecessary fatigue, exposure to cold, getting wet, suddenly cooling off when heated, etc. One of the reasons why so many suffer at thistime is due to the want of proper knowledge and care, also for the want of a proper feeling about the matter. I have known young ladies to be guilty of the almost incredible crime of trying to arrest the flow by plugging up the vagina and by resorting to other means, that they might attend a dancing party or some pleasure excursion. Such a procedure is sure to be followed by the direst retribution to the offender. Nature never allows her laws to be so trifled with. Some experience a deep mortification on account of this function; some think it a very great inconvenience and a nuisance—an obstacle to their pleasure; others feel unhappy and vexed about it. In truth, every woman should consider it a privilege and should regard menstruation as it really is, a blessing from heaven; and, when rightly performed, a help to lend loveliness to her character, beauty to her expression, music to her voice, and gracefulness to her form and movements.Mothers or guardians should instruct young girls in good time as to the expected menstrual function and prepare their minds for its advent. They should also be carefully instructed in regard to the external use of water—of its attendant danger, lest they chill themselves sufficiently to arrest this flow, which shouldcontinue uninterruptedly until the function is complete. Too many lives have been sacrificed by suppressing the monthly flux; external ablutions should be plentiful, but only sufficient, as in the case of boys, for cleanliness. If menstruation should not become healthfully established at the proper time of age, consult a judicious physician who will see that any abnormal condition, preventing such consummation, is properly removed. “The principal organs of elimination, common to both sexes, are the bowels, kidneys, lungs and skin. A neglect of their functions is punished in each alike. To woman is intrusted the exclusive management of another process of elimination, viz.: the catamenial function. This, using the blood for its channel of operation, performs, like the blood, double duty. It is necessary to ovulation, and to the integrity of every part of the reproductive apparatus; it also serves as a means of elimination for the blood itself. A careless management of this function, at any period of life during its existence, is apt to be followed by consequences that may be serious; but a neglect of it during the epoch of development, that is, from the age of fourteen to eighteen or twenty, not only produces great evil at the time of the neglect, but leaves a large legacy of evil to the future.The system is then peculiarly susceptible; and disturbances of the delicate mechanism we are considering, induced during the catamenial weeks of that critical age by constrained positions, muscular effort, brain work, and all forms of mental and physical excitement, germinate a host of ills.”[H]Here I must be allowed to protest most solemnly against the use of injections into the vagina for the so-called purpose of cleanliness. Vaginal syringes are constructed and used now by thousands and the sufferings of the human race are increased thereby ten thousand fold proportionately. The vagina, like all organs supplied with a mucous membrane, is self-cleansing. Water, or any other fluid thrown into this organ, has a tendency to disorder the mucous follicles, to dry up their secretions and thus prevent the efflux of some of Nature's necessities. From this cause alone there will be a reaction upon the vaginal walls, upon the neck of the uterus and the uterus itself; the ovaries also become disordered; the lungs sympathize as well as the throat and bronchial tubes, producing hoarseness, hacking cough and a host of troubles following in their train. Nervous headaches of fearful intensity are frequently producedfrom this unnatural course of procedure. Moreover, water thrown into the vagina, to wash it out, day after day for a considerable time, absolutely produces a leucorrhœa most persistent in character. This is the confession of young ladies to me in making inquiry as to the origin of their trouble, and I have found that the discharge was unknown to some of them till after the use of these injections. It stands to reason that such unnatural washings should be followed by a retribution equal to the error committed, because, as before stated, Nature's laws cannot be perverted without a penalty. A girl should never, under any pretext whatever, resort to such unhallowed means for the cure or alleviation of leucorrhœa, ulceration, or for any disorders that affect these parts. By so doing she is really forming a basis for innumerable future ills. If the girl is well, she has none of these disorders, for they all arise from constitutional derangements. As all must acknowledge, it is a self-evident fact—that,if a woman is well, every part of her must be well also; no one organ can, unaided, get up a disease by itself. In all troubles of this nature, as well as of any other, consult a judicious physician.There are objections, however, of even a graver nature than those urged above againstthe use of such instruments. They often excite sensations in the parts to which they are applied, that should remain perfectly dormant in the unmarried state. After awhile these sensations, increasing in frequency and influence, serve to prostitute the mind and the young lady may become ruined for life. I am stating facts that can be proved by multitudes of living witnesses to-day in cases and confessions that have come under my own observation. On remonstrating against this habit, some remark, “But it feels so nice, doctor!” Of course, ablutions of theexternalorgans are perfectly right and proper and should be resorted to daily. To the reflecting mind no more need be said about this matter. Those who wish to live in harmony with the order of their creation and thereby preserve the freshness of health, will not have recourse to such means as add new derangements to the system.To preserve feminine charms as the girl develops into womanhood, much depends upon her mental state. She must not allow herself to bear malice towards anyone, must not plot evil or attempt to “pay off others in their own coin,” as it is called, or seek revenge in any way; but she must ever cultivate a forgiving disposition, good thoughts and goodfeelings towards everyone. There is always danger of meeting both rude and lewd girls, and that too in places where least expected; they may be found in schools of all kinds and are occasionally met with in the houses of one's own friends. Not very long since a charming young lady wrote me from a neighboring city, that while sharing a bed with another girl, she experienced a very strange sensation induced by the improper liberties of her bed-fellow; and so persistent were these troublesome sensations, although occupying a bed by herself ever after, she thought it proper to seek my advice. Now this was a good and pure-minded girl who might easily have been ruined but for her inherent love of chastity; and so our daughters are always in danger of being contaminated. A perfectly pure and chaste mind, unsullied by impure thoughts or acts, and cultivated by the exercise of all the Christian virtues, lends enchantment to the eye, sweetness of expression to the face, music to the voice, and gracefulness of carriage. Cultivation of merely external manners will not do; they must spring from the mind and thence they shine throughout the whole, in every fibre and movement of the body. Such an one is truly beloved wherever she goes; she has a real affection for herfather and mother, brothers and sisters; and she is fully prepared to appreciate and love one of the opposite sex whose purity of life and nobleness of mind fully corresponds to her own.To retain this charm of excellence will cost her many a trial and her temptations will be innumerable and very great. But her perceptive faculties are keen, and at the first suspicion of anything wrong she must have the moral courage to say: “No! that is not allowable, it is not right,” or, “this is impure and its tendency is to vice.” Whatever the temptation may be, in thought or in deed, let no one persuade her into wrong-doing—not even herapparentlybest friend; for it would only be an appearance of friendship if he tempted to anything of a vicious nature. She will be beset with hosts of admirers, some of them pure and having honorable intentions; but (I am sorry to sound the note of warning here,) others will come with the most dishonorable intentions possible, though with an air of sincerity, and apparently as artless as doves. Study all men long and carefully, keeping them meanwhile at a respectful distance; never allow one to sit near with his arm about your waist or to hold your hand in his; never allow him to kiss you—the vilest of loathsomediseases may be communicated by a kissviz.:syphilis. Do not allow any approach or touch beyond what is customary in the best of society at a social gathering. Many a young lady with an angelic form and spotless soul within, full of the best intentions and of the purest character, giving bright promise of a brilliant future, has been ruined for life by trusting herself alone with some of these apparently wise and good, yet really vile men.Young women have not, as a rule, any sexual propensity, or amorous thoughts or feelings. If they have been properly educated and cared for, they are, before marriage, perfect strangers to any such sensations; and yet any young lady who falls, does so by her own hand and she has no one else to blame for it.Rememberthat the Lord, in the beginning, never suffers temptations beyond one's strength to overcome. If she falls ultimately, it results from allowing an impure seed to be planted in the mind at first, which she then nourishes for a time and only in the end it bears its fruit.As time passes, a young lady forms an acquaintance with gentlemen, and at length she favors the addresses of one who is particularly agreeable to her. After this acquaintance has ripened into love, and she has become convinced of the purity of his heart, she enjoysbeing with him, in sitting by his side, and is unhappy in his absence. When betrothed, owing to her great and pure love for him, she takes pleasure in receiving such marks of affection from him as are shown by a tender father or brother, but nothing more. After marriage, she feels that she is really his and that he has become a part of herself—that they are no more twain but are one flesh. All this has transpired without her hardly suspecting such a quality in herself as an amorous affection. Still she more than ever loves him, more than ever desires to be near him until finally their union is fully and truly consummated by the marriage act. At no time in her life does a woman make a greater sacrifice of her feelings than at this time, and she does it solely for her pure and fervent love for him. This is right and proper, and is in accordance with the laws of order in the creation of the two sexes in the human, animal and vegetable kingdoms throughout the world.I wish here to have some “Plain Talk,” that the true object of this book may be more fully understood and its mission more successfully accomplished. Unless willing to make the above sacrifice, no woman should ever marry; because she would not then be fulfillingthe marriage covenant. Besides, she would be false to her husband and this falsity might cause his moral and physical destruction; his health would suffer and his manhood become dethroned, because her conduct would utterly controvert the immutable laws of nature. Nature's laws cannot possibly be set aside without the infliction of a severe penalty. The healthy young woman will have no difficulty in preserving her chastity intact, so long as she cultivates that purity of mind to which she is naturally prone. She should never allow herself to read immoral stories or books having in the slightest degree even, such a tendency; theatrical plays with loose morals should also be avoided, and light, silly novels are very pernicious to the imaginative mind of the young. On the other hand useful reading stores the mind with high and noble thoughts, whence spring good and useful deeds.Unfortunately there are a variety of morbid conditions to which the female is liable, so that sexual desires arise in spite of every effort to keep aloof from them—even though there is not the slightest guilt in mental or bodily transgression. These are owing to disordered conditions of the sexual system, just as otherdisorderly desires arise, and are ofteninherited—remember this all parents!—or they may be caused by some morbific influences, as are other diseased conditions of the body. Many a time have I had pure-minded young ladies apply to me for medical aid in these matters, confessing that they had impure thoughts which they knew were wrong, but of which they could not rid themselves. In such cases there are physical symptoms of some kind that incite these thoughts and feelings. The proper medical and hygienic treatment always restores order in such functional derangements and the sexual disturbances of the mind disappear. I have repeatedly cured nymphomania by curing physical, or constitutional symptoms. In one case which came under my care, nymphomania appeared in a married woman in the seventh month of her pregnancy, and so fearfully did her mania rage that it threw her into convulsions. Her physical and sensational symptoms led me to the choice of the medicine that cured her, so that she was happily delivered of a fine, healthy child at full term and no trace of the disease has ever appeared since. Too often young women err and give way to such feelings in resorting toself-abusefor relief, or to the caresses of the opposite sex, when theyare ruined forever. It is never safe to temporize or to tamper in this way with such sensations. Women have heads and brains, as well as men, and rational faculties, too. Every digression allowed, only paves the way for others, with less and less resistance, and more and more ruinous results. Let a judicious physician be consulted at once in all cases where a morbid condition seems to excite immoral thoughts and sensations.The effects of self-abuse upon woman, is as disastrous as masturbation upon males. A few hours after its commission, or the next day at furthest, she feels languid and dragged out, sleepy, unfit for reading anything solid, or studying, and unfit for social enjoyment with others; she looks pale and haggard; often she feels giddy, particularly when rising in the morning, with many other discomforts too numerous to mention here. And is it true that some young ladies, the sweetest and fairest of our race, play with one another in an immodest and indecent way, teaching immorality to the pure and innocent? I fear it is, Iknowit is. Such things need not, must not, and will not be tolerated. This little book will go about in all classes of society confirming and strengthening the pure in heart in their purity and enlightening theignorant who will joyfully hail the good news; all will join hands in one popular cry against indecencies and indulgences of an impure nature; and the vilest man even will be taught to fear and respect the combined world of chaste female influence. So it must be and eventually will be; but woman, naturally pure and lovely woman! the greatest part of this work must be done by you.CHAPTER VI.Marriage.The Husband.“AndJehovah Godsaid, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. * * * * AndJehovah Godbrought the woman unto the man. And the man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”—Gen. ii. 18, 22–24.“The marriage of one man with one woman is therefore designed in our very creation by Him who made us. The love which brings them together and binds them together, flows into their minds from the Divine Love, from the love which has operated hitherto, and which now operates, in creating and forming a Heaven of human beings.”All young men, on arriving at the age of twenty-five, other circumstances being favorable, should conform to the laws of Divine order and marry. “Whom shall we marry?Young ladies now-a-days require such an outfit and it costs so much to support a wife in the style she wishes to live, or has been accustomed to, that, to say nothing of the extra expense of children, we cannot afford to marry.” This is a wrong view to take,becausepomp, style and showare not the true objects of marriage! The married state is a duty and a great privilege, while its uses are of the highest possible order physically, mentally and spiritually. The love which brings the two together and which should bind them together, requires only a comfortable home of respectable appearance. Young married people should begin like young married people; it is more orderly and more conducive to the welfare and true happiness of each that, as time passes on, they build up their fortunes together, each helping the other—thus affording new charms that no other course will or can yield.In the choice of a wife, a man should especially seekcongeniality. He should make the acquaintance of a young lady living and moving in the same sphere of life as his own, such as is congenial to his tastes; he should see her in company with other young people and observe how she treats them; and particularly notice how she acts towards herfather and mother, brothers and sisters: for a good daughter and sister always makes a good wife. Study closely her character, her mental discipline, her tastes in reading and her mode of life generally. Above all, note her disposition as to selfishness, whether she be determined and bent upon having her own way in everything, or whether she is yielding and thoughtful of the comfort and happiness of her associates. Remember that in the married state there must be a mutual yielding to each other, though not the sinking of the wife's identity, so that the combined life of the two may become one harmonious whole. Observe what she thinks of children and get her opinion as to how they should be brought up and educated. Be sure that she is one who can be loved most tenderly, one for whom a man can make any sacrifice in reason for her sake—for whom one can deny himself any comfort, any and every passion, brave any danger, and conquer every difficulty in his power, to make her life happy and useful. One quality: Is she strictly virtuous? Is she chastity itself in thought, word and deed? If you, young man, have been the same, if you have held yourself in by “bit and bridle,” as it were,—then, if she reciprocates your love, you are at liberty to propose marriage to her.Before marriage, a young man takes great pains to make himself attractive, is very attentive and polite, keeps up a genteel appearance and is civility itself, that he may woo and win the young lady most nearly approaching his ideal of feminine perfection, and the one most nearly suited to his tastes and congeniality. After marriage he feels that she is his, that she has pledged herself to this effect; and the law has so decided; she is his, as he is hers, irrevocably. Now, young man, do you mean to be loyal, to be her real husband until death dissolves the allegiance? Then let nothing cool your ardor. Be as watchful as when you were her wooer and even more so. Let nothing induce you to swerve from your duty, to violate your vow or to betray your trust. But ever be faithful and true. So may you be accounted worthy of her choice as a husband and worthy to be enrolled among the respected and honored fathers in our land. Heavier responsibilities rest upon you now than before marriage. Your wife must be protected, supported and cared for in every possible way, and you need to be even more careful to retain her love than you were to win it. You are under heavy responsibilities to your relatives and the community in which you live, that yourunited lives bear such fruit as will be to all a delight. Together, in your unity, you form as it were a tree; your united lives throw out branches and leaves, buds and blossoms, and finally fruit in its season; and every tree is known by its fruit. Bearing in mind the high duties to which as a husband and a father you are called, seek not to live for carnal pleasures. You have struggled manfully with yourself and the world and have come up to this stage of your life pure and uncontaminated; and that love which brought you two together, now flows into your united lives from the Divine Love. Let that love continually operate through you unitedly in creating new human beings who shall ultimately serve to swell the grand army of the Angelic hosts in Heaven.Some well-meaning and otherwiseapparentlygood husbands, but not true, form habits of staying from their homes during their leisure hours, particularly in the evenings. They visit club houses, billiard rooms or other places of amusement, leaving their wives at home. Such absences distress a wife greatly, though her love often restrains any expression of disapproval. These habits increase, she suffers more and more, loses sleep on his account and her health fails. Thehusband's dissipations grow upon him—all such desertions are dissipations when they become habitual—until he loses all relish for the company of his faithful wife and for the caresses of his young and lovely children, until finally to stay at home a single evening is a restraint and unhappiness to him. Where now is the plighted faith! Where now is the tree, its branches and leaves with their buds and blossoms, and what is the fruit? Where now is that pure love which he promised when they became united and which should forever bind them together, and who has almost severed that love? Has not the little that remains become merely carnal, on his part at least? Where is that union of mind and communion of soul that lifts one above sensualism; and without which, sensualism is the only link and quality left to keep the two together, until death dissolves the union?CHAPTER VII.Marriage [continued].The Wife.Youngladies,why do you marry? Through infancy, childhood and adolescence you have been watched over most tenderly and cared for most lovingly; you have been protected and educated, and have been made as happy under the paternal roof as circumstances would allow; and this very book has been written largely onyouraccount. It has been the custom from time immemorial, as it always will be, for girls to complete their education and then to marry. But alas! how very few seem to realize what married life really is and what will be expected in it; what its duties and responsibilities are, or even what leads to marriage. But to the question why do you even think of getting married? The answer is, “Because it is inherent in the mind of every true female character. It was ordained of God in her creation, spiritually, mentally, and physically—from her inmost being to her complete ultimation. It was in the very design of her creation that sheshould love and be loved, that she should be sought after by the male sex, and that she should become a wife and mother.”First, let us understand what “marriage” signifies. The word itself has the same meaning as the Latin wordconjugiumand represents a conjunction or union together. Carried out to its higher or more interior meaning, marriage signifies the joining of good and truth—the “good” being represented by the woman and “truth” being represented by the man. Hence it denotes the spiritual conjunction of minds, and thence of bodies, in contradistinction to the merely natural conjunction or joining together of bodies only. So, to secure a real marriage, there must be a spiritual conjunction of minds; and the conjunction of bodies in wedlock is simply the ultimation, or manifestation of spiritual principles in marriage.The true reason why girls marry is because they have an innate principle of love for the male sex; and this love is drawn from the Lord above. Consequently, it is pure, chaste, and when fully developed, very powerful. In connection with this principle comes the desire to be sought after and loved by a man of congenial character for whose dear sake a woman is induced to leave father and mother,brothers and sisters, to become the wife of him whom she can claim as her own dear husband. This Heaven-born principle is what leads and induces the female to assent to the marriage relation. For her own sake, for his sake as well as for the sake of all parties concerned, this step should be taken very carefully and only after mature consideration. Once married, there is no escape from its lifelong duties and responsibilities. She must yield to him whatever the marriage vow allows, that she may become awifein the fullest sense of the term. Marriage is a sacred relation, instituted by God Himself, and the sexual approach which follows between husband and wife, is a special avowal of their relation to each other; and so often as it is repeated it is a renewal of their obligations to be faithful to each other. All sexuality is in the order of creation and, coming from the Lord, serves for high and holy purposes. It wasneverintended for mere carnal pleasure; as such, it is the profanation and perversion of a great boon to the human race. The man or woman who perverts it must and will, sooner or later, suffer a penalty equal to the transgression.The husband rightfully expects to find in his wife, as a seal of the marriage covenant,his greatest possible delight. It should be her greatest delight to give him that pleasure; and if she loves her husband according to her avowal, she will not fail to do this. The feeling, each of the other's nearness—in thought, word and act, as though each one were intertwined with the other in the most complete union, is a very great delight; even indescribably great. The sexual act itself is really a type of the perfect harmony in which the married pair should dwell throughout their lives. It teaches a mutual yielding so that the honeymoon, rising so beautifully and lovingly, may continue to wax lighter and brighter and its fullness be attained in this world only at the dissolution, by a natural death, of a union so orderly and happily formed. It is in the very nature of the male to seek his mate; it is an inborn principle for him to do so, and his health, even his life, certainly his moral life, often depends upon an orderly and lawful indulgence of what this inherent principle demands. The greatest longevity and the best health are found among fathers and mothers; thereby proving that orderly and well-regulated sexual intercourse is just as necessary to the married couple as are the functional demands of all other organs of the body. From the foregoing it may be plainlyinferred, that, if the wife of a chaste young man who has duly guarded himself from his childhood up, until he has sought and wedded his mate, fails to reciprocate cheerfully and pleasantly in the seal of connubial affection, she proves a bitter disappointment to him. Not that he is carnal, gross or beastly, no! The principle given him by his Creator and residing in his pure and inmost soul has been violated by her in whom he placed his life's confidence; she has provedfalseto him in this particular, one upon which their present and eternal welfare so largely depends. Young ladies about to marry should be taught to understand this matter most fully, in all its bearings. If they pervert marriage in false practices, the love of God, conjugal love, and the love of infants, the three holiest and noblest inspirations of life, perish together. No woman then should ever marry without a full knowledge of her duties to her husband, particularly in the sexual respect; for without granting this privilege to her husband in full and free accord, therecannotbe maintained a happy married life.The duties of marriage, as a topic, embrace a vast field of thought; and there isso muchto say thereon, so much advice to tender, so many absolute commands to enjoin, so manywarnings to utter, that it is with difficulty I restrain myself from launching out diffusely in an attempt to give the most important of these. But to so specifically particularize is not the purpose of this book. Enough is said herein, I trust, to set the reflective mind to thinking seriously on these matters and thereby to awaken the conscience to a full sense of its duties. Quite too many cases have come under my observation where the marriage vow has never been consummated or, if consummated at all, in a very begrudging manner, owing to the insubordination of the wife. Consequently dissatisfaction, unhappiness and frequently a permanent separation follows, bringing disgrace upon the family and scandal to their circle of friends. This is not only wrong, but it is a most unpardonable vice. Sexuality has been ordained by God in his wisdom as the means of creation. It exists throughout all nature, in every tree, plant and shrub, in every animal and insect; in every bird that flies, in every fish that swims, in every man and woman. The very best and purest of husbands and wives, all the world over, indulge in sexuality to their united satisfaction, in full acknowledgment that it is of God and from God. Every wife who is unreasonable or derelict in thisdutyis untrue to her husbandand commits a sin against the God of Heaven and earth. Since, then, sexuality is so evidently of Divine appointment, it should be committed entirely to him in its effects.[I]If at any time the act prove fruitful and a child be born, it should be considered as a great blessing and gift from God Himself. What is more beautiful than to see a married couple engaged in rearing a new human being destined to become an angel in Heaven! For this indeed is the prime object of sexuality and of the marriage covenant. As has been well said, life on earth is Heaven's seminary. And yet, so many wives, to their shame be it said, use preventives to conception, thus attempting to controvert the order of Nature and Nature's God; this is one of the greatest crimes of the present age and vengeance will surely be taken on every transgressor in this sacred matter. Such practice is secret vice which little by little wears upon the inmost vital principle until the perpetrators of such wrongs suffer untold misery in their physical nature—often not even suspecting the cause of such sufferings.“But there is yet another reason, and a very strong moral one, why the wife should not remain childless. There can be no questionthat the blood of the father mingles with that of the mother through the medium of the childin utero. (Hence the transmission of blood-diseases from husband to wife.) Hence the indelible impressions made upon a wife by the father of her offspring—impressions, both mental and physical, which by character or resemblance she often transmits to her children by a second husband. Now, * * * * may not this account for the similarity of character and identity of tastes, and, indeed, for that wonderful personal resemblance, which sometimes develops between husband and wife? And does not this requisite alone fulfil the Divine interpretation of marriage, that ‘they are no more twain but one flesh?’”[J]After marriage a new order of life is entered upon by the wife, and her family matters should subordinate all other schemes and projects of her future existence. Her main thought and study should now be, “How can I best fulfil these new duties and responsibilities? First, my dear husband! how can I be a true help-meet to him? Here we two are to be one, a newpunctum saliens, and every act of ours will bear the image of our united lives. No matter what may happen, I will betrue to my matrimonial vow and to my God; for I am in His hands and my dear husband's.” A married life begun in this way, with such resolutions sincerely and studiously kept, will secure a life full of happiness and privileges beyond the fondest hope and expectation. When pregnancy occurs, just as soon as the fact be suspected, the little embryo should be regarded as already a member of the family. Every act of each parent should now be performed in some degree with reference to the forth-coming infant. The mother's thoughts particularly should be directed to it as much as possible whilst performing the uses of life. She should read much that is elevating and ennobling in character as this serves a good purpose in producing a more perfect, more healthy and more brilliant child. Let her read such books as “Elements of Character” by Miss Chandler; “Growth of the Mind” by S. Reed; “Sex in Education” by E. H. Clarke, M. D.; also, “Wear and Tear” by S. Weir Mitchell, M. D.; and any other books of like character. Do not forget that the education of the child beginsin utero.During gestation the mother should subsist as far as possible upon fruit, vegetables and a farinaceous diet—always plain and withoutspices. Plenty of active exercise is indispensable and the use of a “Health Lift” will be found most beneficial. When the nine months are completed, under care of a competent physician, the birth of the child will be accomplished with but comparatively little pain, and its attendant dangers and difficulties will be greatly lessened.
“The sin, of all, most sure to blight—The sin, of all, that the soul's lightIs soonest lost, extinguished in.”
Remember then that sexual suffering comes to theincontinentman, and that it is far easier, even for the fully developed vigorous adult, to continue in control of these feelings, than when they have been once excited and indulged.
One single impure connection may entail a whole life of syphilitic suffering on the unhappy transgressor. Would this “pay?”
No inducement could persuade me to assume the awful responsibilities of advising illicit intercourse. Apart from Christian principle, I know that there is no necessity, physiological, pathological or any other, that can excuse any physician for saying that the Seventh Commandment may ever be broken. My sentiments on the physiological side of the question are so admirably expressed by Acton,[F]that I will here quote from him.
“One argument in favor of incontinence deserves special notice, as it purports to be founded on physiology. I have been consulted by persons who feared, or professed to fear, that if the organs were not exercised regularly,they would become atrophied, or that in some way impotence might be the result of chastity. This is the assigned reason for committing fornication. There existsno greatererror than this, or one more opposed to physiological truth. In the first place, I may state that I have, after many years' experience, never seen a single instance of atrophy of the generative organs from this cause. I have, it is true, met with the complaint—but in what class of cases does it occur? It arises in all instances from the exactly opposite cause—abuse: the organs become worn out, and hence arises atrophy. Physiologically considered, it is not a fact that the power of secreting semen is annihilated in well-formed adults leading a healthy life and yet remaining continent. The function goes on in the organ always, from puberty to old age. Semen is secreted sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, and very frequently under the influence of the will. No continent man need be deterred by this apocryphal fear of atrophy of the testes from living a chaste life. It is a device of the unchaste—a lame excuse for their own incontinence, unfounded on any physiological law. The testes will take care that their action is not interfered with.”
Many and many a time have I heard itregretted and bemoaned, on account of the many troubles they had seemed to cause, that the sexual organs exist. It is the lewd thoughts and uses to which they are put that causes all this misery, and there is always that “first thought” which should not be harbored. Cast away the impure thoughts, rise above them, and one is safe! Pure thoughts canneverlead to harm.
The generative organs, with their functions and uses, are most closely interwoven with the highest destiny and well being of the race physically, mentally and spiritually; they are a part of us, without which there would be no men and women, lovers and loved ones, fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters. We must then happily accept the situation as it is, and our bodies, parts and passions as they are; for they are all indispensable, high and holy, when kept in an orderly and chaste condition. We only need the above knowledge and its application to make ourselves as happy in the enjoyment of these organs as it was designed by our Creator that we should be.
To rise above the sexual temptations that may be more or less experienced by many and perhaps by all, requires an effort of course, and frequently a very great effort;but let it be borne in mind that all temptations to do wrong, require effort to overcome them; and as a rule, the greater the evil we are tempted to commit the greater is the effort needed to overcome it. Now, as shown above, since sexual matters are so thoroughly interwoven with the highest destinies of the human race, physically, mentally and spiritually, there is scarcely any function of higher import, allotted to any individual, than that assigned to the genital organs. No function more deeply concerns the healthfulness of the body, the clearness and brilliancy of the intellect, or the purity and sincerity of the soul itself.
Several times in the course of this book I have referred to the term “abuse.” By “abuse,” I mean precisely whatLallemandso forcibly expresses as follows: “I understand by the term abuse, when applied to the organs of generation, any irregular or premature exercise of their functions; any application of them which cannot have, as its result, the propagation of the species.”
Look at the habitual masturbator! See how thin, pale and haggard he appears; how his eyes are sunken; how long and cadaverous is his cast of countenance; how irritable he is and how sluggish, mentally and physically; how afraid he is to meet the eye of his fellows; feel hisdamp and chilling hand, so characteristic of great vital exhaustion. Taken as a class, how terrible are their lost virility, their miserable night's sleep, their convulsions and their shrunken limbs. They keep by themselves, seeking charm in solitude and are fit companions for no one; they dare not read their Bible, they cannot commune with good angels nor with the Lord, our Saviour. Is not this picture deplorable? It is at the last end of the chain I admit, but it is reached link after link, one at a time; and the first link was forged when the first temptation in the mind was first favored and finally yielded to. The above picture is a true one and shows how intimately connected are the soul, the mind and the body with this whole subject. Man in a healthy state need not and should not lose one drop of seminal fluid by his own hand, by nightly emissions or pollutions, or in any way, until he becomes conjoined to a wife of his choice in the holy bonds of matrimony. Every time the seed of his body is lost in a disorderly or unnatural way, he injures the finest textures of his brain correspondingly, as well as the finest and most exalted condition of his mind and soul, because the act proceeds in its incipiency from a willful prostitution of these higher powers.
When sexual thoughts and temptations arise in one's mind, even very young men are capable of putting them away, urged by the thought that tampering with one's generative organs is wrong. He should intuitively feel that it is something akin to theft, or a crime of some worse sort, for him to indulge in solitary vice and he should intuitively feel an inward reproach for all such meditations. When one is sorely tempted in these matters, as is often the case, let him reflect that he was not created to indulge in such pleasures by himself, and that to do so is a crime, a sin against the God of Heaven; that it is his destiny, his privilege and one of the uses of his life to share such enjoyments with the wife of his bosom; and that all excitement or dallying with this part of his nature before marriage only serves to weaken his sexual powers, as well as his mind and body; also, that it mars his sexual uses and will detract from his sexual pleasures in the married life. Sexual indulgence of any sort in a young man is a loss, not only to himself but also, prospectively, to that dear girl whom he will some day make his wife. Such reflections will often drive away the temptation entirely. If they are not sufficient to do so let him read some interesting book that shall take hismind away from the subject; or, that failing, let him take exercise, vigorous exercise—pushed to fatigue, if necessary. If these states of temptation occur in bed at night, let him rise and read, plunge his arm into very cold water, or if necessary go forth into the open air and seek relief in a rapid walk. It is better to go to any amount of trouble and to endure any physical discomfort, than to sacrifice one's chastity, the loss of which can never be replaced.
A young man naturally desires and expects chastity of the strictest order in the young woman of his choice for a wife. Who would marry a girl, no matter how beautiful or how many and varied her accomplishments if it were known that she had granted her favors to any other man? And yet, what less hasshea perfect right to require from a young man who presumes to pay his addresses to her? This consideration, too, should serve as a restraint to any amorous desires that might infest a man's mind. It is wonderful how keen are the perceptions of a pure minded young lady to detect even an approach to licentiousness in the male. He is abhorrent to her and his very sphere betrays him.
With the facts of the preceding pages,contained in this chapter being known, it does seem as if every man would keep himself pure from all carnal associations and use the utmost care not to prostitute his mind, that he may approach the nuptial altar as pure in mind and body as he would have her who is to become the idol of his heart.
Now this is all very beautiful in theory and desirable in practice, butis it practical? Can man so school himself in self denial as to accomplish this end? Are there not real physiological facts existing which utterly preclude the possibility of this most desirable result? Do not, as has been alleged by some writers, the testicles of man secrete semen until they become so surcharged that emission becomes absolutely necessary, and does not this accumulation actually produce such sexual excitement that man feels compelled to seek relief in some way? I answer, most unhesitatingly, NO! The above questions are all theories and utterly devoid of fact.
Would Almighty God command, “Thou shaltnotcommit adultery,” and then so create man as to compel him to break his Divine injunction?
Abundance of proof is at hand to substantiate this sweeping remark of mine, werethis the place to produce it. Seminal fluid is abundantly secreted and produced only during the height of sexual excitement in the male. As Acton remarks: “It is a highly organized fluid requiring the expenditure of much vital force in its elaboration and its expulsion.” It is secreted from the blood of his body and the whole man physically, mentally and spiritually is concerned and represented in its product; consequently the action requires an effort of the whole man, and, if often repeated, the effect is very exhausting to the physical powers, to the mind and to the brain. Let this be another warning to remain in purity of heart.
We have said in the preceding pages that man, in a healthy state, need not lose a drop of seminal fluid until after marriage. There are many abnormal causes resulting in what are called wet dreams, nightly pollutions, spermatorrhœa, prostatic emission during stool or urination, also diurnal emissions without erection. These may result from over study, from errors in diet such as use of coffee, highly seasoned food, wines, spirituous liquors or drugs of various kinds—though perhaps prescribed by a physician. When these troubles arise from constitutional disorders, a skillful physician must beconsulted at once. Errors in diet and the taking of drugs causing this trouble must of course be discontinued.[G]“Certain medicines—as astringents, purgatives, narcotics, stimulants and diuretics especially—may bring on conditions from which spermatorrhœa may arise.” Among other causes Lallemand refers to the use of quinine, tobacco and, particularlyalcohol. The trouble may also arise from injuries and many other accidental causes, besides masturbation and venereal excesses.
It is distressing to see what a complete wreck seminal losses make of those who were once robust and healthy young men, and what a shock they give to the nervous system. They become weak, pale, and feeble in mind, while all that was manly and vigorous has gone out of them. Now which of the two is preferable—the pride of a virtuous youth, or the roué exhausted and worn out by sexual abuses? It demands great strength to become either, but really a much greater effort for the latter; because it requires very great perseverance for a chaste and pure minded man to debase himself by such practices. It depends on the mind which is all right before yielding the first point; thereforebeware and shun the first step downward. Strengthen the moral courage and exercise the will power so as always to be able to say, “No,” to whatever temptation the conscience tells you is wrong.
CHAPTER V.Adolescence of the Female.
Adolescenceof the female embraces the period of life from the age of twelve or fourteen, to twenty-one years.
At about the twelfth or fourteenth year of the girl's life a marked change comes over her form, features and mental state. Unlike the male, the forms which in him are angular, become in her rounded, symmetrical and beautiful, and the characteristic feminine proportions are well marked; she becomes more graceful in her movements, her voice grows sweeter, more mellow, more powerful and capable of registering a higher tone. New feelings and desires are awakened in her mind. Her deportment becomes more commanding and less frivolous, and the girl is lost in the woman.
If she has been so fortunate as to have escaped all the dangers and baneful influences of infantile and childhood life, she is womanly indeed, and we behold her with an unburdened conscience, clear intellect, artless and candid address, good memory, buoyant spirits, acomplexion bright, clear and, as the poet declares, “beautiful exceedingly.” Every function of her body is well performed, and no fatigue is experienced after moderate exertion. She evinces that elasticity of spirit and gracefulness of body, and happy control of her feelings which indicate healthfulness of both mind and body. Her whole time is given up to her studies, duties and amusements; and as she feels her stature increase and her intellect enlarge, she gladly prepares for her coming struggle with the world—though in a manner becoming to her sex. This, too, is no fanciful sketch, but is realized in thousands of cases every year. It is one which parents feel proud to witness in a daughter, and one in which the daughter takes a modest delight. We have said that every function of her body is well performed. The functions of the female body, which in a state of health are perfectly free from pain, are very numerous and, in the four years from fourteen to eighteen, she accomplishes an amount of physiological cell change and growth which Nature does not require of a boy in less than twice that number of years. It is obvious, therefore, that a girl upon whom Nature, for a limited period and for a definite purpose, imposes so great a physiological task, will not have as muchpower left for the tasks of school as a boy, of whom Nature requires less at the corresponding epoch. The functions of circulation, respiration, digestion, perspiration, nutrition and menstruation, though involuntary, are all important, dependent one upon another, and all develop at the proper time. Puberty is the proper time for the appearance of menstruation, one of the most important and sacred of her functions. It should not be feared, dreaded or regarded as a nuisance; it forms a part of herself; and she never commands the respect and forbearance of her friends, or even of her enemies, more than when it is known that she is “unwell.” It serves in many ways as a blessing to her, rather than an inconvenience. Let no young girl be alarmed, as, owing to the negligence of her parents or guardians, many are, at the first appearance of this flow of blood from the genital organs. She should keep more quiet than usual, at these times, until the flow disappears, which it will do in a few days. In a state of health these appearances occur every twenty-eight days and the young lady should exercise extreme caution at such times, in avoiding unnecessary fatigue, exposure to cold, getting wet, suddenly cooling off when heated, etc. One of the reasons why so many suffer at thistime is due to the want of proper knowledge and care, also for the want of a proper feeling about the matter. I have known young ladies to be guilty of the almost incredible crime of trying to arrest the flow by plugging up the vagina and by resorting to other means, that they might attend a dancing party or some pleasure excursion. Such a procedure is sure to be followed by the direst retribution to the offender. Nature never allows her laws to be so trifled with. Some experience a deep mortification on account of this function; some think it a very great inconvenience and a nuisance—an obstacle to their pleasure; others feel unhappy and vexed about it. In truth, every woman should consider it a privilege and should regard menstruation as it really is, a blessing from heaven; and, when rightly performed, a help to lend loveliness to her character, beauty to her expression, music to her voice, and gracefulness to her form and movements.
Mothers or guardians should instruct young girls in good time as to the expected menstrual function and prepare their minds for its advent. They should also be carefully instructed in regard to the external use of water—of its attendant danger, lest they chill themselves sufficiently to arrest this flow, which shouldcontinue uninterruptedly until the function is complete. Too many lives have been sacrificed by suppressing the monthly flux; external ablutions should be plentiful, but only sufficient, as in the case of boys, for cleanliness. If menstruation should not become healthfully established at the proper time of age, consult a judicious physician who will see that any abnormal condition, preventing such consummation, is properly removed. “The principal organs of elimination, common to both sexes, are the bowels, kidneys, lungs and skin. A neglect of their functions is punished in each alike. To woman is intrusted the exclusive management of another process of elimination, viz.: the catamenial function. This, using the blood for its channel of operation, performs, like the blood, double duty. It is necessary to ovulation, and to the integrity of every part of the reproductive apparatus; it also serves as a means of elimination for the blood itself. A careless management of this function, at any period of life during its existence, is apt to be followed by consequences that may be serious; but a neglect of it during the epoch of development, that is, from the age of fourteen to eighteen or twenty, not only produces great evil at the time of the neglect, but leaves a large legacy of evil to the future.The system is then peculiarly susceptible; and disturbances of the delicate mechanism we are considering, induced during the catamenial weeks of that critical age by constrained positions, muscular effort, brain work, and all forms of mental and physical excitement, germinate a host of ills.”[H]
Here I must be allowed to protest most solemnly against the use of injections into the vagina for the so-called purpose of cleanliness. Vaginal syringes are constructed and used now by thousands and the sufferings of the human race are increased thereby ten thousand fold proportionately. The vagina, like all organs supplied with a mucous membrane, is self-cleansing. Water, or any other fluid thrown into this organ, has a tendency to disorder the mucous follicles, to dry up their secretions and thus prevent the efflux of some of Nature's necessities. From this cause alone there will be a reaction upon the vaginal walls, upon the neck of the uterus and the uterus itself; the ovaries also become disordered; the lungs sympathize as well as the throat and bronchial tubes, producing hoarseness, hacking cough and a host of troubles following in their train. Nervous headaches of fearful intensity are frequently producedfrom this unnatural course of procedure. Moreover, water thrown into the vagina, to wash it out, day after day for a considerable time, absolutely produces a leucorrhœa most persistent in character. This is the confession of young ladies to me in making inquiry as to the origin of their trouble, and I have found that the discharge was unknown to some of them till after the use of these injections. It stands to reason that such unnatural washings should be followed by a retribution equal to the error committed, because, as before stated, Nature's laws cannot be perverted without a penalty. A girl should never, under any pretext whatever, resort to such unhallowed means for the cure or alleviation of leucorrhœa, ulceration, or for any disorders that affect these parts. By so doing she is really forming a basis for innumerable future ills. If the girl is well, she has none of these disorders, for they all arise from constitutional derangements. As all must acknowledge, it is a self-evident fact—that,if a woman is well, every part of her must be well also; no one organ can, unaided, get up a disease by itself. In all troubles of this nature, as well as of any other, consult a judicious physician.
There are objections, however, of even a graver nature than those urged above againstthe use of such instruments. They often excite sensations in the parts to which they are applied, that should remain perfectly dormant in the unmarried state. After awhile these sensations, increasing in frequency and influence, serve to prostitute the mind and the young lady may become ruined for life. I am stating facts that can be proved by multitudes of living witnesses to-day in cases and confessions that have come under my own observation. On remonstrating against this habit, some remark, “But it feels so nice, doctor!” Of course, ablutions of theexternalorgans are perfectly right and proper and should be resorted to daily. To the reflecting mind no more need be said about this matter. Those who wish to live in harmony with the order of their creation and thereby preserve the freshness of health, will not have recourse to such means as add new derangements to the system.
To preserve feminine charms as the girl develops into womanhood, much depends upon her mental state. She must not allow herself to bear malice towards anyone, must not plot evil or attempt to “pay off others in their own coin,” as it is called, or seek revenge in any way; but she must ever cultivate a forgiving disposition, good thoughts and goodfeelings towards everyone. There is always danger of meeting both rude and lewd girls, and that too in places where least expected; they may be found in schools of all kinds and are occasionally met with in the houses of one's own friends. Not very long since a charming young lady wrote me from a neighboring city, that while sharing a bed with another girl, she experienced a very strange sensation induced by the improper liberties of her bed-fellow; and so persistent were these troublesome sensations, although occupying a bed by herself ever after, she thought it proper to seek my advice. Now this was a good and pure-minded girl who might easily have been ruined but for her inherent love of chastity; and so our daughters are always in danger of being contaminated. A perfectly pure and chaste mind, unsullied by impure thoughts or acts, and cultivated by the exercise of all the Christian virtues, lends enchantment to the eye, sweetness of expression to the face, music to the voice, and gracefulness of carriage. Cultivation of merely external manners will not do; they must spring from the mind and thence they shine throughout the whole, in every fibre and movement of the body. Such an one is truly beloved wherever she goes; she has a real affection for herfather and mother, brothers and sisters; and she is fully prepared to appreciate and love one of the opposite sex whose purity of life and nobleness of mind fully corresponds to her own.
To retain this charm of excellence will cost her many a trial and her temptations will be innumerable and very great. But her perceptive faculties are keen, and at the first suspicion of anything wrong she must have the moral courage to say: “No! that is not allowable, it is not right,” or, “this is impure and its tendency is to vice.” Whatever the temptation may be, in thought or in deed, let no one persuade her into wrong-doing—not even herapparentlybest friend; for it would only be an appearance of friendship if he tempted to anything of a vicious nature. She will be beset with hosts of admirers, some of them pure and having honorable intentions; but (I am sorry to sound the note of warning here,) others will come with the most dishonorable intentions possible, though with an air of sincerity, and apparently as artless as doves. Study all men long and carefully, keeping them meanwhile at a respectful distance; never allow one to sit near with his arm about your waist or to hold your hand in his; never allow him to kiss you—the vilest of loathsomediseases may be communicated by a kissviz.:syphilis. Do not allow any approach or touch beyond what is customary in the best of society at a social gathering. Many a young lady with an angelic form and spotless soul within, full of the best intentions and of the purest character, giving bright promise of a brilliant future, has been ruined for life by trusting herself alone with some of these apparently wise and good, yet really vile men.
Young women have not, as a rule, any sexual propensity, or amorous thoughts or feelings. If they have been properly educated and cared for, they are, before marriage, perfect strangers to any such sensations; and yet any young lady who falls, does so by her own hand and she has no one else to blame for it.Rememberthat the Lord, in the beginning, never suffers temptations beyond one's strength to overcome. If she falls ultimately, it results from allowing an impure seed to be planted in the mind at first, which she then nourishes for a time and only in the end it bears its fruit.
As time passes, a young lady forms an acquaintance with gentlemen, and at length she favors the addresses of one who is particularly agreeable to her. After this acquaintance has ripened into love, and she has become convinced of the purity of his heart, she enjoysbeing with him, in sitting by his side, and is unhappy in his absence. When betrothed, owing to her great and pure love for him, she takes pleasure in receiving such marks of affection from him as are shown by a tender father or brother, but nothing more. After marriage, she feels that she is really his and that he has become a part of herself—that they are no more twain but are one flesh. All this has transpired without her hardly suspecting such a quality in herself as an amorous affection. Still she more than ever loves him, more than ever desires to be near him until finally their union is fully and truly consummated by the marriage act. At no time in her life does a woman make a greater sacrifice of her feelings than at this time, and she does it solely for her pure and fervent love for him. This is right and proper, and is in accordance with the laws of order in the creation of the two sexes in the human, animal and vegetable kingdoms throughout the world.
I wish here to have some “Plain Talk,” that the true object of this book may be more fully understood and its mission more successfully accomplished. Unless willing to make the above sacrifice, no woman should ever marry; because she would not then be fulfillingthe marriage covenant. Besides, she would be false to her husband and this falsity might cause his moral and physical destruction; his health would suffer and his manhood become dethroned, because her conduct would utterly controvert the immutable laws of nature. Nature's laws cannot possibly be set aside without the infliction of a severe penalty. The healthy young woman will have no difficulty in preserving her chastity intact, so long as she cultivates that purity of mind to which she is naturally prone. She should never allow herself to read immoral stories or books having in the slightest degree even, such a tendency; theatrical plays with loose morals should also be avoided, and light, silly novels are very pernicious to the imaginative mind of the young. On the other hand useful reading stores the mind with high and noble thoughts, whence spring good and useful deeds.
Unfortunately there are a variety of morbid conditions to which the female is liable, so that sexual desires arise in spite of every effort to keep aloof from them—even though there is not the slightest guilt in mental or bodily transgression. These are owing to disordered conditions of the sexual system, just as otherdisorderly desires arise, and are ofteninherited—remember this all parents!—or they may be caused by some morbific influences, as are other diseased conditions of the body. Many a time have I had pure-minded young ladies apply to me for medical aid in these matters, confessing that they had impure thoughts which they knew were wrong, but of which they could not rid themselves. In such cases there are physical symptoms of some kind that incite these thoughts and feelings. The proper medical and hygienic treatment always restores order in such functional derangements and the sexual disturbances of the mind disappear. I have repeatedly cured nymphomania by curing physical, or constitutional symptoms. In one case which came under my care, nymphomania appeared in a married woman in the seventh month of her pregnancy, and so fearfully did her mania rage that it threw her into convulsions. Her physical and sensational symptoms led me to the choice of the medicine that cured her, so that she was happily delivered of a fine, healthy child at full term and no trace of the disease has ever appeared since. Too often young women err and give way to such feelings in resorting toself-abusefor relief, or to the caresses of the opposite sex, when theyare ruined forever. It is never safe to temporize or to tamper in this way with such sensations. Women have heads and brains, as well as men, and rational faculties, too. Every digression allowed, only paves the way for others, with less and less resistance, and more and more ruinous results. Let a judicious physician be consulted at once in all cases where a morbid condition seems to excite immoral thoughts and sensations.
The effects of self-abuse upon woman, is as disastrous as masturbation upon males. A few hours after its commission, or the next day at furthest, she feels languid and dragged out, sleepy, unfit for reading anything solid, or studying, and unfit for social enjoyment with others; she looks pale and haggard; often she feels giddy, particularly when rising in the morning, with many other discomforts too numerous to mention here. And is it true that some young ladies, the sweetest and fairest of our race, play with one another in an immodest and indecent way, teaching immorality to the pure and innocent? I fear it is, Iknowit is. Such things need not, must not, and will not be tolerated. This little book will go about in all classes of society confirming and strengthening the pure in heart in their purity and enlightening theignorant who will joyfully hail the good news; all will join hands in one popular cry against indecencies and indulgences of an impure nature; and the vilest man even will be taught to fear and respect the combined world of chaste female influence. So it must be and eventually will be; but woman, naturally pure and lovely woman! the greatest part of this work must be done by you.
CHAPTER VI.Marriage.The Husband.
“AndJehovah Godsaid, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. * * * * AndJehovah Godbrought the woman unto the man. And the man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”—Gen. ii. 18, 22–24.
“The marriage of one man with one woman is therefore designed in our very creation by Him who made us. The love which brings them together and binds them together, flows into their minds from the Divine Love, from the love which has operated hitherto, and which now operates, in creating and forming a Heaven of human beings.”
All young men, on arriving at the age of twenty-five, other circumstances being favorable, should conform to the laws of Divine order and marry. “Whom shall we marry?Young ladies now-a-days require such an outfit and it costs so much to support a wife in the style she wishes to live, or has been accustomed to, that, to say nothing of the extra expense of children, we cannot afford to marry.” This is a wrong view to take,becausepomp, style and showare not the true objects of marriage! The married state is a duty and a great privilege, while its uses are of the highest possible order physically, mentally and spiritually. The love which brings the two together and which should bind them together, requires only a comfortable home of respectable appearance. Young married people should begin like young married people; it is more orderly and more conducive to the welfare and true happiness of each that, as time passes on, they build up their fortunes together, each helping the other—thus affording new charms that no other course will or can yield.
In the choice of a wife, a man should especially seekcongeniality. He should make the acquaintance of a young lady living and moving in the same sphere of life as his own, such as is congenial to his tastes; he should see her in company with other young people and observe how she treats them; and particularly notice how she acts towards herfather and mother, brothers and sisters: for a good daughter and sister always makes a good wife. Study closely her character, her mental discipline, her tastes in reading and her mode of life generally. Above all, note her disposition as to selfishness, whether she be determined and bent upon having her own way in everything, or whether she is yielding and thoughtful of the comfort and happiness of her associates. Remember that in the married state there must be a mutual yielding to each other, though not the sinking of the wife's identity, so that the combined life of the two may become one harmonious whole. Observe what she thinks of children and get her opinion as to how they should be brought up and educated. Be sure that she is one who can be loved most tenderly, one for whom a man can make any sacrifice in reason for her sake—for whom one can deny himself any comfort, any and every passion, brave any danger, and conquer every difficulty in his power, to make her life happy and useful. One quality: Is she strictly virtuous? Is she chastity itself in thought, word and deed? If you, young man, have been the same, if you have held yourself in by “bit and bridle,” as it were,—then, if she reciprocates your love, you are at liberty to propose marriage to her.
Before marriage, a young man takes great pains to make himself attractive, is very attentive and polite, keeps up a genteel appearance and is civility itself, that he may woo and win the young lady most nearly approaching his ideal of feminine perfection, and the one most nearly suited to his tastes and congeniality. After marriage he feels that she is his, that she has pledged herself to this effect; and the law has so decided; she is his, as he is hers, irrevocably. Now, young man, do you mean to be loyal, to be her real husband until death dissolves the allegiance? Then let nothing cool your ardor. Be as watchful as when you were her wooer and even more so. Let nothing induce you to swerve from your duty, to violate your vow or to betray your trust. But ever be faithful and true. So may you be accounted worthy of her choice as a husband and worthy to be enrolled among the respected and honored fathers in our land. Heavier responsibilities rest upon you now than before marriage. Your wife must be protected, supported and cared for in every possible way, and you need to be even more careful to retain her love than you were to win it. You are under heavy responsibilities to your relatives and the community in which you live, that yourunited lives bear such fruit as will be to all a delight. Together, in your unity, you form as it were a tree; your united lives throw out branches and leaves, buds and blossoms, and finally fruit in its season; and every tree is known by its fruit. Bearing in mind the high duties to which as a husband and a father you are called, seek not to live for carnal pleasures. You have struggled manfully with yourself and the world and have come up to this stage of your life pure and uncontaminated; and that love which brought you two together, now flows into your united lives from the Divine Love. Let that love continually operate through you unitedly in creating new human beings who shall ultimately serve to swell the grand army of the Angelic hosts in Heaven.
Some well-meaning and otherwiseapparentlygood husbands, but not true, form habits of staying from their homes during their leisure hours, particularly in the evenings. They visit club houses, billiard rooms or other places of amusement, leaving their wives at home. Such absences distress a wife greatly, though her love often restrains any expression of disapproval. These habits increase, she suffers more and more, loses sleep on his account and her health fails. Thehusband's dissipations grow upon him—all such desertions are dissipations when they become habitual—until he loses all relish for the company of his faithful wife and for the caresses of his young and lovely children, until finally to stay at home a single evening is a restraint and unhappiness to him. Where now is the plighted faith! Where now is the tree, its branches and leaves with their buds and blossoms, and what is the fruit? Where now is that pure love which he promised when they became united and which should forever bind them together, and who has almost severed that love? Has not the little that remains become merely carnal, on his part at least? Where is that union of mind and communion of soul that lifts one above sensualism; and without which, sensualism is the only link and quality left to keep the two together, until death dissolves the union?
CHAPTER VII.Marriage [continued].The Wife.
Youngladies,why do you marry? Through infancy, childhood and adolescence you have been watched over most tenderly and cared for most lovingly; you have been protected and educated, and have been made as happy under the paternal roof as circumstances would allow; and this very book has been written largely onyouraccount. It has been the custom from time immemorial, as it always will be, for girls to complete their education and then to marry. But alas! how very few seem to realize what married life really is and what will be expected in it; what its duties and responsibilities are, or even what leads to marriage. But to the question why do you even think of getting married? The answer is, “Because it is inherent in the mind of every true female character. It was ordained of God in her creation, spiritually, mentally, and physically—from her inmost being to her complete ultimation. It was in the very design of her creation that sheshould love and be loved, that she should be sought after by the male sex, and that she should become a wife and mother.”
First, let us understand what “marriage” signifies. The word itself has the same meaning as the Latin wordconjugiumand represents a conjunction or union together. Carried out to its higher or more interior meaning, marriage signifies the joining of good and truth—the “good” being represented by the woman and “truth” being represented by the man. Hence it denotes the spiritual conjunction of minds, and thence of bodies, in contradistinction to the merely natural conjunction or joining together of bodies only. So, to secure a real marriage, there must be a spiritual conjunction of minds; and the conjunction of bodies in wedlock is simply the ultimation, or manifestation of spiritual principles in marriage.
The true reason why girls marry is because they have an innate principle of love for the male sex; and this love is drawn from the Lord above. Consequently, it is pure, chaste, and when fully developed, very powerful. In connection with this principle comes the desire to be sought after and loved by a man of congenial character for whose dear sake a woman is induced to leave father and mother,brothers and sisters, to become the wife of him whom she can claim as her own dear husband. This Heaven-born principle is what leads and induces the female to assent to the marriage relation. For her own sake, for his sake as well as for the sake of all parties concerned, this step should be taken very carefully and only after mature consideration. Once married, there is no escape from its lifelong duties and responsibilities. She must yield to him whatever the marriage vow allows, that she may become awifein the fullest sense of the term. Marriage is a sacred relation, instituted by God Himself, and the sexual approach which follows between husband and wife, is a special avowal of their relation to each other; and so often as it is repeated it is a renewal of their obligations to be faithful to each other. All sexuality is in the order of creation and, coming from the Lord, serves for high and holy purposes. It wasneverintended for mere carnal pleasure; as such, it is the profanation and perversion of a great boon to the human race. The man or woman who perverts it must and will, sooner or later, suffer a penalty equal to the transgression.
The husband rightfully expects to find in his wife, as a seal of the marriage covenant,his greatest possible delight. It should be her greatest delight to give him that pleasure; and if she loves her husband according to her avowal, she will not fail to do this. The feeling, each of the other's nearness—in thought, word and act, as though each one were intertwined with the other in the most complete union, is a very great delight; even indescribably great. The sexual act itself is really a type of the perfect harmony in which the married pair should dwell throughout their lives. It teaches a mutual yielding so that the honeymoon, rising so beautifully and lovingly, may continue to wax lighter and brighter and its fullness be attained in this world only at the dissolution, by a natural death, of a union so orderly and happily formed. It is in the very nature of the male to seek his mate; it is an inborn principle for him to do so, and his health, even his life, certainly his moral life, often depends upon an orderly and lawful indulgence of what this inherent principle demands. The greatest longevity and the best health are found among fathers and mothers; thereby proving that orderly and well-regulated sexual intercourse is just as necessary to the married couple as are the functional demands of all other organs of the body. From the foregoing it may be plainlyinferred, that, if the wife of a chaste young man who has duly guarded himself from his childhood up, until he has sought and wedded his mate, fails to reciprocate cheerfully and pleasantly in the seal of connubial affection, she proves a bitter disappointment to him. Not that he is carnal, gross or beastly, no! The principle given him by his Creator and residing in his pure and inmost soul has been violated by her in whom he placed his life's confidence; she has provedfalseto him in this particular, one upon which their present and eternal welfare so largely depends. Young ladies about to marry should be taught to understand this matter most fully, in all its bearings. If they pervert marriage in false practices, the love of God, conjugal love, and the love of infants, the three holiest and noblest inspirations of life, perish together. No woman then should ever marry without a full knowledge of her duties to her husband, particularly in the sexual respect; for without granting this privilege to her husband in full and free accord, therecannotbe maintained a happy married life.
The duties of marriage, as a topic, embrace a vast field of thought; and there isso muchto say thereon, so much advice to tender, so many absolute commands to enjoin, so manywarnings to utter, that it is with difficulty I restrain myself from launching out diffusely in an attempt to give the most important of these. But to so specifically particularize is not the purpose of this book. Enough is said herein, I trust, to set the reflective mind to thinking seriously on these matters and thereby to awaken the conscience to a full sense of its duties. Quite too many cases have come under my observation where the marriage vow has never been consummated or, if consummated at all, in a very begrudging manner, owing to the insubordination of the wife. Consequently dissatisfaction, unhappiness and frequently a permanent separation follows, bringing disgrace upon the family and scandal to their circle of friends. This is not only wrong, but it is a most unpardonable vice. Sexuality has been ordained by God in his wisdom as the means of creation. It exists throughout all nature, in every tree, plant and shrub, in every animal and insect; in every bird that flies, in every fish that swims, in every man and woman. The very best and purest of husbands and wives, all the world over, indulge in sexuality to their united satisfaction, in full acknowledgment that it is of God and from God. Every wife who is unreasonable or derelict in thisdutyis untrue to her husbandand commits a sin against the God of Heaven and earth. Since, then, sexuality is so evidently of Divine appointment, it should be committed entirely to him in its effects.[I]
If at any time the act prove fruitful and a child be born, it should be considered as a great blessing and gift from God Himself. What is more beautiful than to see a married couple engaged in rearing a new human being destined to become an angel in Heaven! For this indeed is the prime object of sexuality and of the marriage covenant. As has been well said, life on earth is Heaven's seminary. And yet, so many wives, to their shame be it said, use preventives to conception, thus attempting to controvert the order of Nature and Nature's God; this is one of the greatest crimes of the present age and vengeance will surely be taken on every transgressor in this sacred matter. Such practice is secret vice which little by little wears upon the inmost vital principle until the perpetrators of such wrongs suffer untold misery in their physical nature—often not even suspecting the cause of such sufferings.
“But there is yet another reason, and a very strong moral one, why the wife should not remain childless. There can be no questionthat the blood of the father mingles with that of the mother through the medium of the childin utero. (Hence the transmission of blood-diseases from husband to wife.) Hence the indelible impressions made upon a wife by the father of her offspring—impressions, both mental and physical, which by character or resemblance she often transmits to her children by a second husband. Now, * * * * may not this account for the similarity of character and identity of tastes, and, indeed, for that wonderful personal resemblance, which sometimes develops between husband and wife? And does not this requisite alone fulfil the Divine interpretation of marriage, that ‘they are no more twain but one flesh?’”[J]
After marriage a new order of life is entered upon by the wife, and her family matters should subordinate all other schemes and projects of her future existence. Her main thought and study should now be, “How can I best fulfil these new duties and responsibilities? First, my dear husband! how can I be a true help-meet to him? Here we two are to be one, a newpunctum saliens, and every act of ours will bear the image of our united lives. No matter what may happen, I will betrue to my matrimonial vow and to my God; for I am in His hands and my dear husband's.” A married life begun in this way, with such resolutions sincerely and studiously kept, will secure a life full of happiness and privileges beyond the fondest hope and expectation. When pregnancy occurs, just as soon as the fact be suspected, the little embryo should be regarded as already a member of the family. Every act of each parent should now be performed in some degree with reference to the forth-coming infant. The mother's thoughts particularly should be directed to it as much as possible whilst performing the uses of life. She should read much that is elevating and ennobling in character as this serves a good purpose in producing a more perfect, more healthy and more brilliant child. Let her read such books as “Elements of Character” by Miss Chandler; “Growth of the Mind” by S. Reed; “Sex in Education” by E. H. Clarke, M. D.; also, “Wear and Tear” by S. Weir Mitchell, M. D.; and any other books of like character. Do not forget that the education of the child beginsin utero.
During gestation the mother should subsist as far as possible upon fruit, vegetables and a farinaceous diet—always plain and withoutspices. Plenty of active exercise is indispensable and the use of a “Health Lift” will be found most beneficial. When the nine months are completed, under care of a competent physician, the birth of the child will be accomplished with but comparatively little pain, and its attendant dangers and difficulties will be greatly lessened.