SECOND DESPATCH.Prince Leo in Paris during the carnival, His Highness’s opinion of what he saw.“YOURson, with his usual discernment, perceived that we had gained our liberty just as the carnival was at its height, and thus might come and go without danger. We felt excessively embarrassed, not knowing the manners, the usages, or the language of the people. Our anxiety was relieved in the followingmanner:—“Interrupted by severe cold.”Prince Leo’s first letter to his father, the King.“MYDEAR AUGUSTFATHER,—When I left the palace, you, with true paternal affection, bestowed almost nothing on me save your blessing. Without undervaluing that inestimable gift, I am bound to say I can raise hardly anything on it among the miserable money-lenders of this city. My dignity must be maintained on something more closely resembling coin than a father’s benediction. Paris is unlike the desert; everything here is bought and sold. I could even find a ready market for my skin, if I could only get on without it. To eat is expensive, and to starve, inconvenient.“Conducted by an elegant Dog, we made our way along the Boulevards where, owing to our likeness to men, we almost escaped notice. At the same time we kept a sharp look-out for the Parisiens they call lions. This Dog, who knew Paris perfectly, consented to become our guide and interpreter. We were thus enabled like our adversaries to pass for men in the disguise of brutes. Had you known, sire, what Paris really is, you would never have troubled me with a mission. I often fear being compelled to sacrifice my dignity in order to satisfy you. On reaching the Boulevard des Italiens it became necessary for me to follow the fashion and smoke a cigar, which caused me to sneeze so violently as to create a sensation. A popular writer passing, remarked, ‘These young fellows are well up in their parts!’“ ‘The question is about to be settled, I said to my Tiger.’“ ‘Rather,’ suggested the Dog, ‘let it remain for a time like the Eastern question—diplomatic, vague, doubtful, open! It will pay better in the end.’“This Dog, Sire, is constantly affording the most astounding proofs of his intelligence. It will therefore hardly surprise you, to learn that he belongs to a celebrated administration, situated in the Rue de Jerusalem, devoted to the guidance of strangers in France.“He led us, as I have just said, to the Boulevard des Italiens, where, as indeed all over this large town, Nature’s share is very small. There are trees, but such trees. Instead of pure air, smoke; instead of rain, dust; so that the leaves are bronzed, and the trees are mere sticks, supporting a tuft like the crown of leaves on the brows of the bronze heroes of France. There is nothing grand in Paris; everything is small, and the cooking is execrable! I entered a café for breakfast, andasked for a horse, but the waiter seemed so astonished that we profited by his surprise, took him round the corner and devoured him. The Dog cautioned us not to make this a rule, as it might bemisunderstood. He nevertheless accepted a bone which he polished with manifest joy.“Our guide rather likes talking politics, and his conversation is not without its fruit. I have picked up wonderful scraps of knowledge from him. On my return to Leona no tumult shall disturb me, as I have discovered the best mode of governing the world. The chief in Paris does not rule; the business of governing and collecting the revenue is entrusted to a body of senators. Some of whom are descended from sheep, foxes, and donkeys, but the title of statesmen has made them lions. When any important question has to be settled, they all speak in turn, without paying the slightest attention to the views of their predecessors. One discusses the Eastern question, after some member who has exhausted himself on the subject of cod-fishing. When they have all done talking, it is not unfrequently discovered that the wise ones have carried through some important measure, while the donkeys have been braying to their heart’s content.“I noticed a sculpture in the palace, wherein you were represented struggling with the revolutionary serpent, a work infinitely superior to any of the statues of men by which it was surrounded. Many of these poor devils are represented with long dinner-napkins over their left arms, just like waiters; others, with pots on their heads. Such a contrast proves our superiority over men, whose imagination delights in building stones one upon the other, and cutting on their surface the finest flowers and forms of Nature.“My Dog informed me that he would take us to a place where we would behold lions, lynxes, panthers, and Paris birds of night.“ ‘Why,’ I inquired, ‘does a lynx live in such a country?’“ ‘The lynx,’ replied the Dog, ‘is accustomed to appropriating. He plunges into American funds; he hazards the most daring actions in broad day and darts into concealment. His cunning consists in always having his mouth open, and strangely enough, doves, his chief food, are drawn into it.’“ ‘How is that?’“ ‘He has cleverly written some word on his tongue which attracts the doves.’“ ‘What is the word?’“ ‘I ought rather to say words. First, there is the wordprofit; when that has gone it is replaced bydividend; after dividend comesreserve, orinterest. The doves are always caught.’“ ‘Why so?’“ ‘Ah! we are in a land where men have such a low opinion of each other, that the most foolish is certain to find another more foolish still—some one simple enough to believe that a slip of printed paper is a mine of gold. Human governments cannot be held altogether blameless, as they have too frequently misled the people by their paper. The operation is called “founding public credit.” When it happens that the credit exceeds the public credulity, all is lost.’“Sire, credit does not yet exist in Africa. We might occupy the malcontents there by getting them to found a bank. Mydétaché—I can hardly call my Dog anattaché—took me to a public café, and, by the way, explained many of the faults and frailties of beasts. At this famed resort there were a number of the animals we had been looking for. Thus the question is being cleared up little by little. Just imagine, my dear father, a Parisian lion is a young man who wears patent-leather boots worth about two pounds, a hat of equal value, as he has nothing better to protect in his head than in his feet; a coat of six pounds, a waistcoat of two pounds, trousers, three pounds, gloves, five shillings, tie, one pound; add to these rags about one hundred pounds for jewellery and fine linen, and you obtain a total of about one hundred and sixteen pounds, five shillings. This sum distributed as above, renders a man so proud that he at once usurps our name. With one hundred and sixteen pounds, five shillings, and, say, nine-pence for pocket money, one rises far above the common herd of animals of intellect and culture, and obtains universal admiration. If one can only lay one’s claws on that sum, one is handsome, brilliant. One may look with scorn upon the unfortunate poet, orator, man of science, whose attire is humble and cheap. You may indeed be what you like; if you do not wear the harness of the authorised maker, of the regulation cut and cost, you are certain to be neglected. A little varnish on your boots, and the other etceteras make up the roaring lion of society. Alas, Sire, I fear the same varnish and veneer conceals the hollowness of human vanity. Tear it off, and nothing remains.“ ‘My lord!’ said mydétaché, seeing my astonishment on beholding this frippery, ‘it is not every one who knows how to wear these fine things. There is a manner, and here, in this country, everything resolves itself into a question of manners.’“I sincerely wish I had stayed at home!”
Prince Leo in Paris during the carnival, His Highness’s opinion of what he saw.
Prince Leo in Paris during the carnival, His Highness’s opinion of what he saw.
“YOURson, with his usual discernment, perceived that we had gained our liberty just as the carnival was at its height, and thus might come and go without danger. We felt excessively embarrassed, not knowing the manners, the usages, or the language of the people. Our anxiety was relieved in the followingmanner:—
“Interrupted by severe cold.”
Prince Leo’s first letter to his father, the King.
Prince Leo’s first letter to his father, the King.
“MYDEAR AUGUSTFATHER,—When I left the palace, you, with true paternal affection, bestowed almost nothing on me save your blessing. Without undervaluing that inestimable gift, I am bound to say I can raise hardly anything on it among the miserable money-lenders of this city. My dignity must be maintained on something more closely resembling coin than a father’s benediction. Paris is unlike the desert; everything here is bought and sold. I could even find a ready market for my skin, if I could only get on without it. To eat is expensive, and to starve, inconvenient.
“Conducted by an elegant Dog, we made our way along the Boulevards where, owing to our likeness to men, we almost escaped notice. At the same time we kept a sharp look-out for the Parisiens they call lions. This Dog, who knew Paris perfectly, consented to become our guide and interpreter. We were thus enabled like our adversaries to pass for men in the disguise of brutes. Had you known, sire, what Paris really is, you would never have troubled me with a mission. I often fear being compelled to sacrifice my dignity in order to satisfy you. On reaching the Boulevard des Italiens it became necessary for me to follow the fashion and smoke a cigar, which caused me to sneeze so violently as to create a sensation. A popular writer passing, remarked, ‘These young fellows are well up in their parts!’
“ ‘The question is about to be settled, I said to my Tiger.’
“ ‘Rather,’ suggested the Dog, ‘let it remain for a time like the Eastern question—diplomatic, vague, doubtful, open! It will pay better in the end.’
“This Dog, Sire, is constantly affording the most astounding proofs of his intelligence. It will therefore hardly surprise you, to learn that he belongs to a celebrated administration, situated in the Rue de Jerusalem, devoted to the guidance of strangers in France.
“He led us, as I have just said, to the Boulevard des Italiens, where, as indeed all over this large town, Nature’s share is very small. There are trees, but such trees. Instead of pure air, smoke; instead of rain, dust; so that the leaves are bronzed, and the trees are mere sticks, supporting a tuft like the crown of leaves on the brows of the bronze heroes of France. There is nothing grand in Paris; everything is small, and the cooking is execrable! I entered a café for breakfast, andasked for a horse, but the waiter seemed so astonished that we profited by his surprise, took him round the corner and devoured him. The Dog cautioned us not to make this a rule, as it might bemisunderstood. He nevertheless accepted a bone which he polished with manifest joy.
“Our guide rather likes talking politics, and his conversation is not without its fruit. I have picked up wonderful scraps of knowledge from him. On my return to Leona no tumult shall disturb me, as I have discovered the best mode of governing the world. The chief in Paris does not rule; the business of governing and collecting the revenue is entrusted to a body of senators. Some of whom are descended from sheep, foxes, and donkeys, but the title of statesmen has made them lions. When any important question has to be settled, they all speak in turn, without paying the slightest attention to the views of their predecessors. One discusses the Eastern question, after some member who has exhausted himself on the subject of cod-fishing. When they have all done talking, it is not unfrequently discovered that the wise ones have carried through some important measure, while the donkeys have been braying to their heart’s content.
“I noticed a sculpture in the palace, wherein you were represented struggling with the revolutionary serpent, a work infinitely superior to any of the statues of men by which it was surrounded. Many of these poor devils are represented with long dinner-napkins over their left arms, just like waiters; others, with pots on their heads. Such a contrast proves our superiority over men, whose imagination delights in building stones one upon the other, and cutting on their surface the finest flowers and forms of Nature.
“My Dog informed me that he would take us to a place where we would behold lions, lynxes, panthers, and Paris birds of night.
“ ‘Why,’ I inquired, ‘does a lynx live in such a country?’
“ ‘The lynx,’ replied the Dog, ‘is accustomed to appropriating. He plunges into American funds; he hazards the most daring actions in broad day and darts into concealment. His cunning consists in always having his mouth open, and strangely enough, doves, his chief food, are drawn into it.’
“ ‘How is that?’
“ ‘He has cleverly written some word on his tongue which attracts the doves.’
“ ‘What is the word?’
“ ‘I ought rather to say words. First, there is the wordprofit; when that has gone it is replaced bydividend; after dividend comesreserve, orinterest. The doves are always caught.’
“ ‘Why so?’
“ ‘Ah! we are in a land where men have such a low opinion of each other, that the most foolish is certain to find another more foolish still—some one simple enough to believe that a slip of printed paper is a mine of gold. Human governments cannot be held altogether blameless, as they have too frequently misled the people by their paper. The operation is called “founding public credit.” When it happens that the credit exceeds the public credulity, all is lost.’
“Sire, credit does not yet exist in Africa. We might occupy the malcontents there by getting them to found a bank. Mydétaché—I can hardly call my Dog anattaché—took me to a public café, and, by the way, explained many of the faults and frailties of beasts. At this famed resort there were a number of the animals we had been looking for. Thus the question is being cleared up little by little. Just imagine, my dear father, a Parisian lion is a young man who wears patent-leather boots worth about two pounds, a hat of equal value, as he has nothing better to protect in his head than in his feet; a coat of six pounds, a waistcoat of two pounds, trousers, three pounds, gloves, five shillings, tie, one pound; add to these rags about one hundred pounds for jewellery and fine linen, and you obtain a total of about one hundred and sixteen pounds, five shillings. This sum distributed as above, renders a man so proud that he at once usurps our name. With one hundred and sixteen pounds, five shillings, and, say, nine-pence for pocket money, one rises far above the common herd of animals of intellect and culture, and obtains universal admiration. If one can only lay one’s claws on that sum, one is handsome, brilliant. One may look with scorn upon the unfortunate poet, orator, man of science, whose attire is humble and cheap. You may indeed be what you like; if you do not wear the harness of the authorised maker, of the regulation cut and cost, you are certain to be neglected. A little varnish on your boots, and the other etceteras make up the roaring lion of society. Alas, Sire, I fear the same varnish and veneer conceals the hollowness of human vanity. Tear it off, and nothing remains.
“ ‘My lord!’ said mydétaché, seeing my astonishment on beholding this frippery, ‘it is not every one who knows how to wear these fine things. There is a manner, and here, in this country, everything resolves itself into a question of manners.’
“I sincerely wish I had stayed at home!”