Songs of Singularity.
IHAD forgotten to mention that essay, Miss Daylmer; that is our essay on cookery,—the one we always begin with in reading to ladies; as Milverton said, "entirely within their province." I wish they paid more attention to it; but people seldom do attend to things within their province.
Ellesmere, inHelps'sFriends in Council.
THERE was an old waiter at WappingDrew corks for a week without stopping;Cried he, "It's too bad!The practice I've had!Yet cannot prevent them from popping!"There was an old priest of Peru,Who dreamt he converted a Jew;He woke in the nightIn a deuce of a fright,And found it was perfectly true.There was an old witch of Malacca,Who smoked such atrocious tobacca,When tigers came near,They trembled with fear,And didn't attempt to attacca.
Songs of Singularity.
AWOMAN dictates before marriage in order that she may have an appetite for submission afterwards.
George Eliot,Middlemarch.
SYDNEY SMITH, speaking of his being shampooed at Mahomet's Baths at Brighton in 1840, said they "squeezed enough out of him to make a lean curate."
R. H. Barham,Life.
NOW brim your glass, and plant it wellBeneath your nose on the table,And you will find what philosophers tellOf I and non-I is no fable.Now listen to wisdom, my son!Myself am the subject,This wine is the object:These things are two,But I'll prove to youThat subject and object are one.I take this glass in my hand, and standUpon my legs, if I can,And look and smile benign and bland,And feel that I am a man.Now stretch all the strength of your brains!I drink—and the objectIs lost in the subject,Making one entityIn the identityOf me, and the wine in my veins!
J. S. Blackie,Musa Burschicosa.
PUNSTERS being abused, and the old joke repeated that "He who puns will pick a pocket," some one said, "Punsters themselves have no pockets." "No," said Lamb, "they carry only aridicule."
Crabb Robinson,Diary.
IT is always a pleasure to me when two of my friends like each other, just as I am always glad when two of my enemies take to fighting with each other.
Heinrich Heine,Preface to Don Quixote.
HHE stood on his head on the wild sea-shore,And joy was the cause of the act,For he felt as he never had felt before,Insanely glad, in fact.And why? In that vessel that left the bayHis mother-in-law had sail'dTo a tropical country far away,Where tigers and snakes prevail'd.
Songs of Singularity.
[BERKELEY] had no ear for music himself, but music was an enthusiasm in the family, and he retained the well-known Signor Pasquilino for years to teach his children. It was then that the Signor, who had been learning English from a dictionary, exclaimed in an outbreak of gratitude, "May Godpickleyour lordship!"
A. C. Fraser,Berkeley.
WOMEN always did, from the first, make a muss in a garden.
C. D. Warner,My Summer in a Garden.
GOOD ADVICE.
THIS gardener's rule applies to youth and age:When young "sow wild oats," but when old "grow sage."
H. J. Byron, inEnglish Epigrams.
The sacred slow harmonium bring,The gentler pianette,The cymbals, with sonorous ring,The dulcet flageolet.Nor be the voice of glory dumb,Of conquest and of strife,Bring forth the stirring trump and drum,The shrill and piercing fife.Ay, bring them all, my soul with gleeTo music I'll devote;Bring all—for all are one to me,—I cannot play a note!
Songs of Singularity.
WE sometimes hate those who differ from us in opinion worse than we should for an attempt to injure us in the most serious point. A favourite theory is a possession for life; and we resent any attack upon it proportionably.
W. Hazlitt,Characteristics.
WHEN Mrs. M'Gibbon was preparing to act Jane Shore, at Liverpool, her dresser, an ignorant country girl, informed her that a woman had called to request two box orders, because she and her daughter had walked four miles on purpose to see the play. "Does she know me?" inquired the mistress. "Not at all," was the reply. "What a very odd request!" exclaimed Mrs. M'G. "Has the good woman got her faculties about her?" "I think she have, ma'am, for I see she ha' got summut tied up in a red silk handkercher."
Horace Smith,The Tin Trumpet.
ACLERKE ther was, a puissant wight was hee,Who of ye Wethere hadde ye maisterie;Alway it was his mirthe and his solaceTo put eche seson's wethere out of place.Whaune that Aprille shoures wer our desyre,He gaf us Julye sonnes as hotte as fyre;But sith ye summere togges we donned agayne,Eftsoons ye wethere chaunged to colde and rayne.
Songs of Singularity.
ISHOULDN'T like to be a man—to cough so loud, and stand straddling about on a wet day, and be so wasteful with meat and drink. They're a coarse lot, I think.
Denner, inGeorge Eliot'sFelix Holt.
ONCE the mastodon was: pterodactyls were common as cocks:Then the Mammoth was God: now is He a prize ox.Parallels all things are: yet many of these are askew:You are certainly I: but certainly I am not you.Springs the rock from the plain, shoots the stream from the rock:Cocks exist for the hen: but hens exist for the cock.God, whom we see not, is: and God, who is not, we see:Fiddle, we know, is diddle: and diddle, we take it, is dee.
The Heptalogia.
APRIVILEGED PERSON.—One who is so much of a savage when thwarted that civilized persons avoid thwarting him.
Anne Evans,Poems and Music.
I'VE studied human nature, and I know a thing or two;Though a girl may fondly love a living gent, as many do:A feeling of disgust upon her senses there will fallWhen she looks upon his body chopped particularly small.
W. S. Gilbert,Bab Ballads.
THE Bishop of Exeter, in the course of conversation at a dinner-party, mentioned that many years since, while trout-fishing, he lost his watch and chain, which he supposed had been pulled from his pocket by the bough of a tree. Some time afterwards, when staying in the same neighbourhood, he took a stroll by the side of the river, and came to the secluded spot where he supposed he had lost his valuables, and there, to his surprise and delight, he found them under a bush. The anecdote, vouched for by the word of a bishop, astonished the company; but this was changed to amusement by his son's inquiring whether the watch, when found, was going. "No," replied the bishop; "the wonder was that it was not gone."
Gronow,Recollections.
ON FORTUNE.
FORTUNE, they say, doth give too much to many:And yet she never gave enough to any.
Sir John Haryngton(1561-1612).
IDO not speak of this mole in any tone of complaint. I desire to write nothing against him which I should wish to recall at the last,—nothing foreign to the spirit of that beautiful saying of the dying boy, "He had no copybook, which, dying, he was sorry he had blotted."
C. D. Warner,My Summer in a Garden.
KNOW, then, that when that touching sceneHad reached its tenderest pitch,When all was pathos, calm, serene,His nose began to itch.'Twas sad, but so it came to pass,The knight might chafe and frown,But could not reach it, for alas!He wore his vizor down.
Songs of Singularity.
IREMEMBER asking [Bagehot] if he had enjoyed a particular dinner which he had rather expected to enjoy, but he replied, "No, the sherry was bad; tasted as if L—— had dropped his h's into it."
R. H. Hutton,Memoir of W. Bagehot.
WHEN Beings of the fairer sexArrange their white arms round our necks,We are, we ought to be, enraptured.
Frederick Locker,London Lyrics.
"PRAY, Mr. Foote, do you ever go to church?""No, madam; not that I see any harm in it."
Thomas Moore,Diary.
ON AN INCAPABLE PERSON.
FORTUNE advanced thee that all might averThat nothing is impossible to her.
R. Garnett(from the Greek).
IREMEMBER a Trinity College (Dublin) story of a student who, having to translate Cæsar, rendered the first sentence, "Omnis Gallia divisa est in tres partes,"—"All Gaul is quartered into three halves."
W. H. Harrison,University Magazine.
ALWAYS seem to be modest and bashful, yet wise;Remember the value of using your eyes;Recollect, too, that money's not easily met,And always accept every offer you get;Be polite to all—grandmammas, sisters, and mothers,For they've all of them grandsons, or own sons or brothers;And never forget the chief object in lifeIs to quickly be settled—a well-to-do wife.
Phœbe, inH. P. Stephens'sBillee Taylor.
ONE asked what herb that was that cured all diseases. It was answered, "Time."
Conceits, Clinches, etc. (1639).
IN his sleeves, which were long,He had twenty-four packs—Which was coming it strong,Yet I state but the facts;And we found on his nails, which were taper,What is frequent in tapers—that's wax.
Bret Harte,Complete Works.
IN a conversation which happened to turn on railway accidents and the variety of human sufferings, a bank director observed that he always felt great interest in the case of a broken limb. "Then, I suppose," said ——, "for a compound fracture you feel compound interest."
W. Jerdan,Memoirs.
ON A CERTAIN POET.
THY verses are eternal, O my friend,For he who reads them reads them to no end.
A Collection of Epigrams(1727).
ONE day, coming late to dinner in the country, [Lady Charlotte Lindsay] excused herself by the "macadamnable" state of the roads.
Lord Houghton,Monographs.
IWISH some girls that I could nameWere half as silent as their pictures!
W. M. Praed.
THE other day I heard that whimsical fellow G—— make a rather foolish remark, to the effect that the pleasure ofnotgoing to church was a pleasure thatneverpalled.
Frederick Locker,Patchwork.
AND day again declines;In shadow sleep the vines,And the last ray thro' the pinesFeebly glows,Then sinks behind yon ridge;And the usual evening midgeIs settling on the bridgeOf my nose.And keen's the air and cold,And the sheep are in the fold,And Night walks stable-stoledThro' the trees;And on the silent riverThe floating star-beams quiver;—And now, the saints deliverUs from fleas.
C. S. Calverley,Verses and Translations.
TOMMY TOWNSHEND, a violent, foolish fellow, who was always talking strong language, said in some debate, "Nothing will satisfy me but to have the noble Lord [North]'s head; I will have his head." Lord North said, "The honourable gentleman says he will have my head. I bear him no malice in return, for though the honourable gentleman says he will have my head, I can assure him I would on no account have his."
Charles Greville,Diary.
WITH undissembled grief I tell,—For sorrow never comes too late,—The simplest bonnet in Pall MallIs sold for £1 8s.
Catharine M. Fanshawe.
SAID the Gryphon, "Do you know why it's called a whiting?""I never thought about it," said Alice. "Why?""It does the boots and shoes," the Gryphon replied very solemnly.Alice was thoroughly puzzled. "Does the boots and shoes?" she repeated in a wondering tone."Why, what areyourshoes done with?" said the Gryphon. "I mean, what makes them so shiny?"Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her answer. "They're done with blacking, I believe.""Boots and shoes under the sea," the Gryphon went on in a deep voice, "are done with whiting. Now you know."
Lewis Carroll,Alice in Wonderland.
I'M always dull on Christmas Day,It lets a flood of ills in,For that's the time those birds of preyBring all their horrid bills in!
J. R. Planché,Songs and Poems.
THE wit of a family is usually best received among strangers.
George Eliot,Middlemarch.
SWEET maids in wimples fair y-wrought,Shall smile upon thee. Thou shalt say,Oft, by thy halidame, there's noughtSo gracious and so fair as they,But what thy halidame may be,I trow 'tis useless asking me.
H. Savile Clarke.
LE vrai honnête homme est celui qui ne se pique de rien.
La Rochefoucauld,Réflexions.
OMEMORY! thou art but a sighFor friendships dead and loves forgot,And many a cold and altered eyeThat once did say—Forget me not!And I must bow me to thy laws,For—odd although it may be thought—I can't tell who the deuce it wasThat gave me this Forget-me-not!
Bon Gaultier Ballads.
WHAT is Truth? "Bring me the wash-hand basin," is the reply of Pontius Pilate.
Heinrich Heine,The Denunciator.
ON A RECENT ROBBERY.
THEY came and stole my garments,My stockings, all my store,But they could not steal my sermons,For they were stolen before.
Rev. Henry Townshend.
SOME folk's tongues are like the clocks as run on strikin', not to tell you the time o' day, but because there's summat wrong i' their own inside.
Mrs. Poyser, inGeorge Eliot'sAdam Bede.
'TIS said that he lived upon bacon and beans,And that sometimes he dined upon salt pork and greens;But he thought that such feeding was rather humdrum,—"I've gone the whole hog," said little Tom Thumb.As Tom once was crossing a river close by,A salmon snapped up, as it would at a fly;But as it was dark Tom did sing rather mum—"I'm down in the mouth," said little Tom Thumb.Next day a black raven poor Tom did espy,Which carried him up to the heaven so high;If the bird let him go, to the ground would he come—"I'll be dashed if I do," said little Tom Thumb.
J. A. Sidey,Mistura Curiosa.
IT is often harder to praise a friend than an enemy.
W. Hazlitt,Characteristics.
ON A CERTAIN PARSON.
BY purchase a man's property is known:Scarf's sermons and his livings are his own.
Epigrams in Distich(1740).
IMEASURE men's dullness by the devices they trust in for deceiving others. Your dullest animal is he who grins and says he doesn't mind just after he has had his shins kicked.
Machiavelli, inGeorge Eliot'sRomola.
GRAMMATICAL.
THE least drop in the world I do not mind:"Cognac" 's a noun I never yet declined.
H. J. Byron, inEnglish Epigrams.
"There is no middle course," said Charles X. to Talleyrand, "between the throne and the scaffold!" "Your Majesty forgets the post-chaise!"
Crabb Robinson,Diary.
ICOULD not, while you shone,Run all that heartlessbabble offThat marks the modernBabylon.
Robert Reece, inComic Poets.
TO AN IMPORTUNATE HOSTDURING DINNER AND AFTER TENNYSON.
ASK me no more: I've had enough Chablis;The wine may come again, and take the shape,From glass to glass, of "Mountain" or of "Cape;"But, my dear boy, when I have answered thee,Ask me no more.Ask me no more: what answer should I give?I love not pickled pork nor partridge pie;I feel if I took whisky I should die;Ask me no more—for I prefer to live:Ask me no more.Ask me no more: unless my fate is sealed,And I have striven against you all in vain:Let your good butler bring me Hock again:Then rest, dear boy. If for this once I yield,Ask me no more.
W. D. A.
SIR ROBERT GRANT told a story well, and could pun successfully without boring. By way of instance, on the beach at Sidmouth he pronounced the six beautiful Miss Twopennys to be the "Splendid shilling."
Lord Teignmouth,Reminiscences.
OH to be wafted awayFrom this black Aceldama of sorrow,Where the dust of an earthy to-day,Is the earth of a dusty to-morrow!
Bunthorne, inW. S. Gilbert'sPatience.
ONE said, painters were cunning fellows, for they had a colour for everything they did.
Conceits, Clinches, etc. (1639).
DEY vent to hear a breecher ofDe last sensadion shtyle,'Twas 'nough to make der tyfel weepTo see his "awful shmile.""Vot bities dat der Fechter ne'erVos in Theologie.Dey'd make him pishop in dis shoorsh,"Said Breitmann, said he.
C. G. Leland,Breitmann Ballads.
"OH! Pat; and what do you think will be your feelings on the day of judgment when you meet Mrs. Mahoney, and the pig you stole from her, face to face?" "Does your reverence think the pig will be there?" "Ay, indeed, will he; and what will ye say then?" "I shall say, your reverence, 'Mrs. Mahoney, dear, here's the pig that I borrowed of ye, and I'm mighty glad to have this opportunity of restoring him!'"
Life of Rev. W. Harness.
IN VINO VERITAS!—which meansA man's a very ass in liquor;The "thief that slowly steals our brains"Makes nothing but the temper quicker.Next morning brings a train of woes,But finds the passions much sedater—Who was it, now, that pulled my nose?—I'd better go and ask the waiter.
H. Cholmondeley Pennell,Pegasus Resaddled.
JONES, the tailor, was asked by a customer, who thought much of his cut, to go down and have some shooting with him in the country. Among the party was the Duke of Northumberland. "Well, Mr. Jones," observed his Grace, "I'm glad to see that you are becoming a sportsman. What sort of gun do you shoot with?" "Oh, with a double-breasted one, your Grace," was the reply.
Life of Rev. W. Harness.
NOW wedlock is a sober thing,No more of chains or forges!A plain young man, a plain gold ring,The curate, and St. George's.
Edward Fitzgerald.
THE greatest advantage I know of being thought a wit by the world, is, that it gives one the greater freedom of playing the fool.
Pope,Thoughts on Various Subjects.
CONCEIVE me, if you can,An every-day young man:A common-place type,With a stick and a pipe,And a half-bred black-and-tan;Who thinks suburban "hops"More fun than "Monday Pops";Who's fond of his dinner,And doesn't get thinner,On bottled beer and chops;—A common-place young man—A matter-of-fact young man—A steady and stolid-y, jolly Bank-holidayEvery-day young man!
Grosvenor, inW. S. Gilbert'sPatience.
IDO not so much want to avoid being cheated, as to afford the expense of being so; the generality of mankind being seldom in good humour but whilst they are imposing upon you in some shape or other.
Shenstone,Essays.
ONLY think, to have lords overrunning the nation,As plenty as frogs in a Dutch inundation;No shelter from barons, from earls no protection,And tadpole young lords, too, in every direction,—Things created in haste, just to make a court list of,Two legs and a coronet all they consist of!
Thomas Moore.
LO! the king, his footsteps this way bending,His cogitative faculties immersedIn cogibundity of cogitation.
Aldiborontiphoscophornio, inCarey'sChrononhotonthologos.
IT is with narrow-souled people, as with narrow-necked bottles: the less they have in them, the more noise they make in pouring out.
Pope,Thoughts on Various Subjects.
ONE privilege to man is left—The privilege of earningThe doss that pays the weekly bills.
H. Cholmondeley Pennell,Pegasus Resaddled.
HAPPY THOUGHT.—"Fridoline!" I have her permission to call her Fridoline.Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!! Happy thoughts!!!I think I am speaking: she speaks: we speak together. A pause. Oh, for one happy thought, now."May I?" Her head is turned away from me: slightly. She does not move. "I may?"Happy Thought.—I do.
F. C. Burnand,Happy Thoughts.
INDEX.
A.Absence an element of charm,236Actress, an inanimate,59Adam Bede, quoted,11,et seq.Adam's language,27Advice, Pope on giving,87Agreeable person, an,6Ailing and ale-ing,227Albemarle, Lord, quoted,32,et seq.Alderman, on an,180Alderson, Baron, on Lord Campbell,194Aldrich, Dean, quoted,229Alice in Wonderland, quoted,7,et seq."A little backer,"175"All Gaul is quartered,"253"All my eye,"41,93All Saints,106Allsopp's ale,152"All the souls that were,"97Altruism, Mallock on,167Alvanley, Lord,motby,67"Always seem to be modest,"253Amours de Voyage, quoted,59"Anecdotage,"43,107Animals, George Eliot on,41,102Anti-Jacobin, the, quoted,33"Ape in the days that were earlier,"43"Ape with pliable thumb,"17Aristocracy, the, Phœbus on,170Aristocratic poets,223Arnold, Matthew, on,123Art de Parvenir, L', quoted,231Art-Unions, Hood on,3Ashburton, Lady,motsby,30,et seq.Ashby-Sterry, J., quoted,22,et seq.Aspen Court, quoted,5Atalanta, on,188Athanasian Creed, the,89Austin, Alfred, quoted,19,et seq.B.Bab Ballads, quoted,105,et seq.Bagehot, Walter,motsby,84,et seq.Bailey, Philip James, quoted,26Balbus,103Ballades in Blue China, quoted,20,et seq.Balls and operas, on,239Balzac, quoted,4,et seq.Bancroft, Thomas, quoted,228Barham, R. H., quoted,12,et seq.Barrington, Sir Jonah, quoted,28Barry, Redmond,motby,36Bass's beer,125Baxter, Rose, and Norton,66Beaconsfield, Lord, quoted,6,et seq.Bean, the, Warner on,184Bears, Locker on,23"Beautiful soup,"238Beazley, Samuel,motsby,51,et seq."Beer, such power hath,"235Beppo, quoted,21Berkeley, Grantley, quoted,142Biglow Papers, the, quoted,30,et seq.Billee Taylor, quoted,127,et seq.Bills, Christmas,256----, weekly,202,264Bishops, Alvanley on,129"Bisness first,"15Black, a great fact,5Blackie, Professor, quoted,45,et seq."Bloom of ugliness, the,"195"Blossom of hawthorn,"25Blows, George Eliot on,137Blue-stockings, on,9Bon Gaultier Ballads, quoted,71,et seq."Books are fatal,"52Books, reading new,221Boredom, the secret of,34Bores, Lady Ashburton on,30Boudoir Ballads, quoted,22,et seq.Boyd, Mark, quoted,56,et seq.Bramston, John, quoted,48Braxfield, Lord, anecdote of,133"Break, break, break!"213Breitmann Ballads, quoted,86,et seq.Bright, John, Professor Blackie on,204Brighton, Collins on,84; Ashby Sterry on,211British Birds, the, quoted,21,et seq.Broad church, the,36"Broken English,"136Brooks, Shirley, quoted,5,et seq.Brown, to Lady,214Browne, C. F.SeeWard, Artemus.----, J. Jemmett, quoted,5,et seq.Brummell,motby,69
Buckle, Professor Blackie on,127Burnand, F. C., quoted,88,et seq.Busby, Dr., anecdote of,150Business, described,8Buxton, Charles, quoted,27,et seq.Byron, H. J., quoted,10,et seq.----, Lord, quoted,7,et seq.;motby,62C.Callender, Miss,moton,1Calverley, C. S., quoted,5,et seq.Campbell, Thomas, quoted,231; Rogers on,35Candide, Byron on,216Cannon,motby,135"Cannot have everything,"63Cappadocians, on the,4Careless Husband, the, quoted,1Carey, Henry, quoted,11,et seq.Carlyle, on,180Carols of Cockayne, quoted,44,et seq.Carroll, Lewis, quoted,7,et seq.Castlereagh, Lord,motby,34Catch, light-fingered,135Cayley, G. J., quoted,80,et seq.Celebrity, Chamfort on,13Cerberus, H. J. Byron on,228Ceremony,149Chambermaids, Mark Twain on,124Chamfort, quoted,13,et seq.Character, on,140Characteristics, Hazlitt's, quoted,15,et seq.Charron, quoted,174Chatterton, Lady, quoted,93Chelmsford, Lord,motby,142Chesterfield, Lord, quoted,53,et seq.Children, Dudley Warner on,154China, blue,149China-buying,240Chloe, Mortimer Collins's,216Chloris, to,240Chorley, H. F., quoted,2,et seq.Christ Church "Marriage,"193Chrononhotonthologos, quoted,11,et seq.Churches as dormitories,236Cibber, Colley, quoted,1Clergy, the, and hoeing,200Close-fist's subscription,194Clough, A. H., quoted,6,et seq."Coach, coach, coach!"11Cockney, the,173"Cognac," Byron on,25Coleridge, S. T., quoted,76,et seq.Collection of Epigrams, quoted,3,et seq.College life,166Collins, Mortimer, quoted,21,et seq.Comic Poets, quoted,57,et seq.Companies, Thurlow on,72Company, our own,225Compliments,60,188Compton'sLife, quoted,14,et seq.;motsby,55,et seq.Conceits, Clinches, etc., quoted,232,et seq.Congreve, William, quoted,12,et seq.Conscience, Mallock on,108;Byron on,116Constancy, Vauvenargues on,65Constant, Benjamin,motby,230Contentment, Holmes on,24Cork, Lady, anecdote of,131"Cornet waltzes, a,"54Cornopean, the amateur,173Courage, drunken, on,228Courthope, W. J., quoted,153Courtship and marriage,178Cowden Clarke, Mrs., quoted,78Crawley, Richard, quoted,36Critics, the,202Croly, George, quoted,188Croquet, advice on,224Cunningham, John, quoted,180Curiosity only vanity,240Curran,motsby,29,et seq."Cursed be the whole concern,"191D.Daddy Longlegs, Whately on,90Damnation, preaching,30Darwin, on,8,180Daughter, an obstinate,37Davies, Scrope, quoted,130Deshoulières, Madame, quoted,37Devil's Walk, the, quoted,36Diary, Crabb Robinson's, quoted,24,et seq.---- Greville's, quoted,129----, Moore's, quoted,9,et seq.----, W. C. Macready's, quoted,75,et seq.----, Young's, quoted,4,et seq.Dickens, Charles, quoted,15,et seq.Dinner, after,185Dinner-bell, Lord Byron on the,7Dipsychus, quoted,163"Dirty-two,"82"Discontents, the,"21Dobson, Austin, quoted,11,et seq.Domestic woman, a,198Donaldson, Dr.,motsby,24,et seq.Don Juan, quoted,7,et seq.Donne, Dr., quoted,48;motby,212"Don't Care," Helps on,13D'Orsay, Count,motsby,184,et seq.Double Dealer, the, quoted,12
Drake, Dr.,motby,36"Draw it mild,"219Drawing on wood,7Dress, Vigo on,222Drinking, reasons for,229Dudley, Lord, Castlereagh on,34;motby,241Duenna, the, quoted,37Dumasfils, quoted,87Dust and disease,78"Dust of an earthy to-day, the,"261Duty, Clough on,6Dying boy, the,251E.Early rising, Saxe on,122;Hood on,195Eater, on a small,226Edinburgh, Hannay on,116Eliot, George, quoted,6,et seq.Ellenborough, Lord,motby,84Emerson, R. W., quoted,47Endymion, Lord Beaconsfield's,80,et seq.English Epigrams, quoted,10,et seq.---- language, the,32,60"Entirely within their province,"244Epigram in Distich, quoted,85Episcopal office, Sydney Smith on,192Equality, on,45Eugene Aram, quoted,152Evans, Anne, quoted,49,et seq.Evening dress, on ladies',174---- newspapers,241"Every-day young man, an,"263Eye-glass, on the,164F.Fable for critics, a, quoted,178False love's quirk,230Fanshawe, Catherine M., quoted,256Fashion, Lytton on,18Feeding a cold,42Felix Holt, quoted,26Felons and their "innocent enjoyment,"241Festus, quoted,26Fiddler, on a bad,3Fielding, Henry, quoted,56Fields, J. T., quoted,14,et seq.Fifty years of my life, quoted,32,et seq.Fine lady, a, Pope on,42"First men of the century,"185Fitzgerald, Edward, quoted,262Flattery, Vauvenargues on,95Fly-leaves, quoted,15,et seq.Fools, Hazlitt on,143Foote,motsby,211,et seq."Forever,"142Fortune, on,251Forty year,197"Forty years long,"156"Found it advisable,"57"Four by honours,"33Franklin, Mark Twain on,178Fraser, Professor, quoted,247Free-thinking,113"Free to confess,"47Freeman, Mr., on,242----, Thomas, quoted,196"Friend, go thy way,"155Friends and ripe fruit,79----, Hazlitt on,106—— in Council, quoted,13,et seq.----, Old, Selden on,11French, the, Harness on,38---- and English,210Froude and Kingsley,111Fuller, Francis, quoted,173Funny man, a,30G.Galla, Haryngton on,225"Gardener's rule, this,"248Garnett, Richard, quoted,60,et seq.Gay, John, quoted,240Genus,111"Georgium Any-sidus,"99German language, the,237"Gift of the gab,"74Gilbert, W. S., quoted,14,et seq.Gilfil's love story, quoted,41Gillon, Joseph,motby,141Good little girls,115"Good not the word,"55Good people, Locker on,204Grapes and gripes, on,155Gratitude, popular,189Graves, Richard, quoted,225Greville, Charles, quoted,129Gronow'sRecollections, quoted,10,et seq.Guesses at Truth, quoted,5,et seq.H."Halidame, by thy,"257Hamilton, Sir John,motby,28Hannay, James, quoted,23,et seq.Happy Thoughts, quoted,88,et seq.Harness, William,motby,38Harrison, W. H., quoted,38,et seq.Harte, Bret, quoted,8,et seq.Haryngton, Sir John, quoted,225Hay, John, quoted,13,et seq.Haydon, B. R., quoted,4,et seq.