The ii Acte. The iii Sceane.C

Diccon.Fy, shytten knave, and out upon thee!Above all other loutes, fye on thee!Is not here a clenly prancke?But thy matter was no better,Nor thy presence here no sweter,5To flye I can the thanke.[683]Here is a matter worthy glosynge,Of Gammer Gurton nedle losynge,And a foule peece of warke!A man I thyncke myght make a playe,10And nede no worde to this they saye,Being but halfe a clarke.Softe, let me alone! I will take the chargeThis matter further to enlargeWithin a tyme shone.15If ye will marke my toyes, and note,I will geve ye leave to cut my throteIf I make not good sporte.Dame Chat, I say, where be ye? within?Chat.Who have we there maketh such a din?20Diccon.Here is a good fellow, maketh no great daunger.Chat.What, Diccon? Come nere, ye be no straunger.We be fast set at trumpe, man, hard by the fyre;Thou shall set on the king, if thou come a little nyer.Diccon.Nay, nay, there is no tarying; I must be gone againe.25But first for you in councel I have a word or twain.Chat.Come hether, Dol! Dol, sit downe and play this game,And as thou sawest me do, see thou do even the same.There is five trumps beside the queene, the hindmost thou shalt finde her.Take hede of Sim Glovers wife, she hath an eie behind her!30Now, Diccon, say your will.Diccon.Nay, softe a little yet;I wold not tel it my sister, the matter is so great.There I wil have you sweare by our dere Lady of Bullaine,Saint Dunstone, and Saint Donnyke, with the three kings of Kullaine,That ye shal keepe it secret.Chat.Gogs bread! that will I doo!35As secret as mine owne thought, by God and the devil two!Diccon,Here is Gammer Gurton, your neighbour, a sad and hevy wight:Her goodly faire red cock at home was stole this last night.Chat,Gogs soul! her cock with the yelow legs, that nightly crowed so just?Diccon.That cock is stollen.Chat.What, was he fet out of the hens ruste?40Diccon.I can not tel where the devil he was kept, under key or locke;But Tib hath tykled in Gammers eare, that you shoulde steale the cocke.Chat.Have I, stronge hoore? by bread and salte!—Diccon.What, softe, I say, be styl!Say not one word for all this geare.Chat.By the masse, that I wyl!I wil have the yong hore by the head, & the old trot by the throte.45Diccon.Not one word, Dame Chat, I say; not one word, for my cote!Chat.Shall such a begars brawle[684]as that, thinkest thou, make me a theefe?The pocks light on her hores sydes, a pestlence and a mischeefe!Come out, thou hungry nedy bytche! O that my nails be short!Diccon.Gogs bred, woman, hold your peace! this gere wil els passe sport!50I wold not for an hundred pound this mater shuld be knowen,That I am auctour of this tale, or have abrode it blowen!Did ye not sweare ye wold be ruled, before the tale I tolde?I said ye must all secret keepe, and ye said sure ye wolde.Chat.Wolde you suffer, your selfe, Diccon, such a sort to revile you,55With slaunderous words to blot your name, and so to defile you?Diccon.No, Goodwife Chat, I wold be loth such drabs shulde blot my name;But yet ye must so order all that Diccon beare no blame.Chat.Go to, then, what is your rede? say on your minde, ye shall mee rule herein.Diccon.Godamercye to Dame Chat! In faith thou must the gere begin.60It is twenty pound to a goose turd, my gammer will not tary,But hether ward she comes as fast as her legs can her cary,To brawle with you about her cocke; for wel I hard Tib sayThe Cocke was rosted in your house to brea[k]fast yesterday;And when ye had the carcas eaten, the fethers ye out flunge,65And Doll, your maid, the legs she hid a foote depe in the dunge.Chat.Oh gracyous God! my harte it[685]burstes!Diccon.Well, rule your selfe a space;And Gammer Gurton when she commeth anon into thys place,Then to the queane, lets see, tell her your mynd and spare not.So shall Diccon blamelesse bee; and then, go to, I care not!70Chat.Then, hoore, beware her throte! I can abide no longer.In faith, old witch, it shalbe seene which of us two be stronger!And, Diccon, but at your request, I wold not stay one howre.Diccon.Well, keepe it till she be here, and then out let it powre!In the meane while get you in, and make no wordes of this.75More of this matter within this howre to here you shall not misse,Because I knew you are my friend, hide it I cold not, doubtles.Ye know your harm, see ye be wise about your owne busines!So fare ye well.[686]Chat.Nay, soft, Diccon, and drynke! What, Doll, I say!Bringe here a cup of the best ale; lets see, come quicly a waye!80

Diccon.Fy, shytten knave, and out upon thee!

Above all other loutes, fye on thee!

Is not here a clenly prancke?

But thy matter was no better,

Nor thy presence here no sweter,5

To flye I can the thanke.[683]

Here is a matter worthy glosynge,Of Gammer Gurton nedle losynge,And a foule peece of warke!A man I thyncke myght make a playe,10And nede no worde to this they saye,Being but halfe a clarke.

Here is a matter worthy glosynge,

Of Gammer Gurton nedle losynge,

And a foule peece of warke!

A man I thyncke myght make a playe,10

And nede no worde to this they saye,

Being but halfe a clarke.

Softe, let me alone! I will take the chargeThis matter further to enlargeWithin a tyme shone.15If ye will marke my toyes, and note,I will geve ye leave to cut my throteIf I make not good sporte.

Softe, let me alone! I will take the charge

This matter further to enlarge

Within a tyme shone.15

If ye will marke my toyes, and note,

I will geve ye leave to cut my throte

If I make not good sporte.

Dame Chat, I say, where be ye? within?

Chat.Who have we there maketh such a din?20

Diccon.Here is a good fellow, maketh no great daunger.

Chat.What, Diccon? Come nere, ye be no straunger.We be fast set at trumpe, man, hard by the fyre;Thou shall set on the king, if thou come a little nyer.

Chat.What, Diccon? Come nere, ye be no straunger.

We be fast set at trumpe, man, hard by the fyre;

Thou shall set on the king, if thou come a little nyer.

Diccon.Nay, nay, there is no tarying; I must be gone againe.25But first for you in councel I have a word or twain.

Diccon.Nay, nay, there is no tarying; I must be gone againe.25

But first for you in councel I have a word or twain.

Chat.Come hether, Dol! Dol, sit downe and play this game,And as thou sawest me do, see thou do even the same.There is five trumps beside the queene, the hindmost thou shalt finde her.Take hede of Sim Glovers wife, she hath an eie behind her!30Now, Diccon, say your will.

Chat.Come hether, Dol! Dol, sit downe and play this game,

And as thou sawest me do, see thou do even the same.

There is five trumps beside the queene, the hindmost thou shalt finde her.

Take hede of Sim Glovers wife, she hath an eie behind her!30

Now, Diccon, say your will.

Diccon.Nay, softe a little yet;I wold not tel it my sister, the matter is so great.There I wil have you sweare by our dere Lady of Bullaine,Saint Dunstone, and Saint Donnyke, with the three kings of Kullaine,That ye shal keepe it secret.

Diccon.Nay, softe a little yet;

I wold not tel it my sister, the matter is so great.

There I wil have you sweare by our dere Lady of Bullaine,

Saint Dunstone, and Saint Donnyke, with the three kings of Kullaine,

That ye shal keepe it secret.

Chat.Gogs bread! that will I doo!35As secret as mine owne thought, by God and the devil two!

Chat.Gogs bread! that will I doo!35

Gogs bread! that will I doo!

As secret as mine owne thought, by God and the devil two!

Diccon,Here is Gammer Gurton, your neighbour, a sad and hevy wight:Her goodly faire red cock at home was stole this last night.

Diccon,Here is Gammer Gurton, your neighbour, a sad and hevy wight:

Her goodly faire red cock at home was stole this last night.

Chat,Gogs soul! her cock with the yelow legs, that nightly crowed so just?

Diccon.That cock is stollen.

Chat.What, was he fet out of the hens ruste?40

Diccon.I can not tel where the devil he was kept, under key or locke;But Tib hath tykled in Gammers eare, that you shoulde steale the cocke.

Diccon.I can not tel where the devil he was kept, under key or locke;

But Tib hath tykled in Gammers eare, that you shoulde steale the cocke.

Chat.Have I, stronge hoore? by bread and salte!—

Diccon.What, softe, I say, be styl!Say not one word for all this geare.

Diccon.What, softe, I say, be styl!

Say not one word for all this geare.

Chat.By the masse, that I wyl!I wil have the yong hore by the head, & the old trot by the throte.45

Chat.By the masse, that I wyl!

I wil have the yong hore by the head, & the old trot by the throte.45

Diccon.Not one word, Dame Chat, I say; not one word, for my cote!

Chat.Shall such a begars brawle[684]as that, thinkest thou, make me a theefe?The pocks light on her hores sydes, a pestlence and a mischeefe!Come out, thou hungry nedy bytche! O that my nails be short!

Chat.Shall such a begars brawle[684]as that, thinkest thou, make me a theefe?

The pocks light on her hores sydes, a pestlence and a mischeefe!

Come out, thou hungry nedy bytche! O that my nails be short!

Diccon.Gogs bred, woman, hold your peace! this gere wil els passe sport!50I wold not for an hundred pound this mater shuld be knowen,That I am auctour of this tale, or have abrode it blowen!Did ye not sweare ye wold be ruled, before the tale I tolde?I said ye must all secret keepe, and ye said sure ye wolde.

Diccon.Gogs bred, woman, hold your peace! this gere wil els passe sport!50

I wold not for an hundred pound this mater shuld be knowen,

That I am auctour of this tale, or have abrode it blowen!

Did ye not sweare ye wold be ruled, before the tale I tolde?

I said ye must all secret keepe, and ye said sure ye wolde.

Chat.Wolde you suffer, your selfe, Diccon, such a sort to revile you,55With slaunderous words to blot your name, and so to defile you?

Chat.Wolde you suffer, your selfe, Diccon, such a sort to revile you,55

With slaunderous words to blot your name, and so to defile you?

Diccon.No, Goodwife Chat, I wold be loth such drabs shulde blot my name;But yet ye must so order all that Diccon beare no blame.

Diccon.No, Goodwife Chat, I wold be loth such drabs shulde blot my name;

But yet ye must so order all that Diccon beare no blame.

Chat.Go to, then, what is your rede? say on your minde, ye shall mee rule herein.

Diccon.Godamercye to Dame Chat! In faith thou must the gere begin.60It is twenty pound to a goose turd, my gammer will not tary,But hether ward she comes as fast as her legs can her cary,To brawle with you about her cocke; for wel I hard Tib sayThe Cocke was rosted in your house to brea[k]fast yesterday;And when ye had the carcas eaten, the fethers ye out flunge,65And Doll, your maid, the legs she hid a foote depe in the dunge.

Diccon.Godamercye to Dame Chat! In faith thou must the gere begin.60

It is twenty pound to a goose turd, my gammer will not tary,

But hether ward she comes as fast as her legs can her cary,

To brawle with you about her cocke; for wel I hard Tib say

The Cocke was rosted in your house to brea[k]fast yesterday;

And when ye had the carcas eaten, the fethers ye out flunge,65

And Doll, your maid, the legs she hid a foote depe in the dunge.

Chat.Oh gracyous God! my harte it[685]burstes!

Diccon.Well, rule your selfe a space;And Gammer Gurton when she commeth anon into thys place,Then to the queane, lets see, tell her your mynd and spare not.So shall Diccon blamelesse bee; and then, go to, I care not!70

Diccon.Well, rule your selfe a space;

And Gammer Gurton when she commeth anon into thys place,

Then to the queane, lets see, tell her your mynd and spare not.

So shall Diccon blamelesse bee; and then, go to, I care not!70

Chat.Then, hoore, beware her throte! I can abide no longer.In faith, old witch, it shalbe seene which of us two be stronger!And, Diccon, but at your request, I wold not stay one howre.

Chat.Then, hoore, beware her throte! I can abide no longer.

In faith, old witch, it shalbe seene which of us two be stronger!

And, Diccon, but at your request, I wold not stay one howre.

Diccon.Well, keepe it till she be here, and then out let it powre!In the meane while get you in, and make no wordes of this.75More of this matter within this howre to here you shall not misse,Because I knew you are my friend, hide it I cold not, doubtles.Ye know your harm, see ye be wise about your owne busines!So fare ye well.[686]

Diccon.Well, keepe it till she be here, and then out let it powre!

In the meane while get you in, and make no wordes of this.75

More of this matter within this howre to here you shall not misse,

Because I knew you are my friend, hide it I cold not, doubtles.

Ye know your harm, see ye be wise about your owne busines!

So fare ye well.[686]

Chat.Nay, soft, Diccon, and drynke! What, Doll, I say!Bringe here a cup of the best ale; lets see, come quicly a waye!80

Chat.Nay, soft, Diccon, and drynke! What, Doll, I say!

Bringe here a cup of the best ale; lets see, come quicly a waye!80

Hodge. Diccon.

Diccon.Ye see, masters, that one end tapt of this my short devise!Now must we broche thot[h]er to, before the smoke arise;And by the time they have a while run, I trust ye need not crave it.But loke, what lieth in both their harts, ye ar like, sure, to have it.Hodge.Yea, Gogs soule, art alive yet? What, Diccon, dare ich come?5Diccon.A man is wel hied to trust to thee; I wil say nothing but mum;But and ye come any nearer, I pray you see all be sweete!Hodge.Tush, man, is Gammers neele found? that chould gladly weete.Diccon.She may thanke thee it is not found, for if thou had kept thy standing,The devil he wold have fet it out, even, Hodge, at thy commaunding.10Hodge.Gogs hart, and cold he tel nothing wher the neele might be found?Diccon.Ye folysh dolt, ye were to seek, ear we had got our ground;Therefore his tale so doubtfull was that I cold not perceive it.Hodge.Then ich se wel somthing was said, chope[687]one day yet to have it.But Diccon, Diccon, did not the devill cry "ho, ho, ho"?15Diccon.If thou hadst taryed where thou stoodst, thou woldest have said so!Hodge.Durst swere of a boke, chard him rore, streight after ich was gon.But tel me, Diccon, what said the knave? let me here it anon.Diccon.The horson talked to mee, I know not well of what.One whyle his tonge it ran and paltered of a cat,20Another whyle he stamered styll uppon a Rat;Last of all, there was nothing but every word, Chat, Chat;But this I well perceyved before I wolde him rid,Betweene Chat, and the Rat, and the cat, the nedle is hyd.Now wether Gyb, our cat, have eate it in her mawe,25Or Doctor Rat, our curat, have found it in the straw,Or this Dame Chat, your neighbour, have stollen it, God hee knoweth!But by the morow at this time, we shal learn how the matter goeth.Hodge.Canst not learn tonight, man? seest not what is here?

Diccon.Ye see, masters, that one end tapt of this my short devise!

Now must we broche thot[h]er to, before the smoke arise;

And by the time they have a while run, I trust ye need not crave it.

But loke, what lieth in both their harts, ye ar like, sure, to have it.

Hodge.Yea, Gogs soule, art alive yet? What, Diccon, dare ich come?5

Diccon.A man is wel hied to trust to thee; I wil say nothing but mum;But and ye come any nearer, I pray you see all be sweete!

Diccon.A man is wel hied to trust to thee; I wil say nothing but mum;

But and ye come any nearer, I pray you see all be sweete!

Hodge.Tush, man, is Gammers neele found? that chould gladly weete.

Diccon.She may thanke thee it is not found, for if thou had kept thy standing,The devil he wold have fet it out, even, Hodge, at thy commaunding.10

Diccon.She may thanke thee it is not found, for if thou had kept thy standing,

The devil he wold have fet it out, even, Hodge, at thy commaunding.10

Hodge.Gogs hart, and cold he tel nothing wher the neele might be found?

Diccon.Ye folysh dolt, ye were to seek, ear we had got our ground;Therefore his tale so doubtfull was that I cold not perceive it.

Diccon.Ye folysh dolt, ye were to seek, ear we had got our ground;

Therefore his tale so doubtfull was that I cold not perceive it.

Hodge.Then ich se wel somthing was said, chope[687]one day yet to have it.But Diccon, Diccon, did not the devill cry "ho, ho, ho"?15

Hodge.Then ich se wel somthing was said, chope[687]one day yet to have it.

But Diccon, Diccon, did not the devill cry "ho, ho, ho"?15

Diccon.If thou hadst taryed where thou stoodst, thou woldest have said so!

Hodge.Durst swere of a boke, chard him rore, streight after ich was gon.But tel me, Diccon, what said the knave? let me here it anon.

Hodge.Durst swere of a boke, chard him rore, streight after ich was gon.

But tel me, Diccon, what said the knave? let me here it anon.

Diccon.The horson talked to mee, I know not well of what.One whyle his tonge it ran and paltered of a cat,20Another whyle he stamered styll uppon a Rat;Last of all, there was nothing but every word, Chat, Chat;But this I well perceyved before I wolde him rid,Betweene Chat, and the Rat, and the cat, the nedle is hyd.Now wether Gyb, our cat, have eate it in her mawe,25Or Doctor Rat, our curat, have found it in the straw,Or this Dame Chat, your neighbour, have stollen it, God hee knoweth!But by the morow at this time, we shal learn how the matter goeth.

Diccon.The horson talked to mee, I know not well of what.

One whyle his tonge it ran and paltered of a cat,20

Another whyle he stamered styll uppon a Rat;

Last of all, there was nothing but every word, Chat, Chat;

But this I well perceyved before I wolde him rid,

Betweene Chat, and the Rat, and the cat, the nedle is hyd.

Now wether Gyb, our cat, have eate it in her mawe,25

Or Doctor Rat, our curat, have found it in the straw,

Or this Dame Chat, your neighbour, have stollen it, God hee knoweth!

But by the morow at this time, we shal learn how the matter goeth.

Hodge.Canst not learn tonight, man? seest not what is here?

(Pointyng behind to his torne breeches.)

Diccon.Tys not possyble to make it sooner appere.30Hodge.Alas, Diccon, then chave no shyft, but—least ich tary to longe—Hye me to Sym Glovers shop, theare to seeke for a thonge,Therwith this breech to tatche and tye as ich may.Diccon.To morow, Hodg, if we chaunce to meete, shall see what I will say.

Diccon.Tys not possyble to make it sooner appere.30

Hodge.Alas, Diccon, then chave no shyft, but—least ich tary to longe—Hye me to Sym Glovers shop, theare to seeke for a thonge,Therwith this breech to tatche and tye as ich may.

Hodge.Alas, Diccon, then chave no shyft, but—least ich tary to longe—

Hye me to Sym Glovers shop, theare to seeke for a thonge,

Therwith this breech to tatche and tye as ich may.

Diccon.To morow, Hodg, if we chaunce to meete, shall see what I will say.

Diccon. Gammer.

Diccon.Now this gere must forward goe, for here my gammer commeth.Be still a while and say nothing; make here a little romth.[688]Gammer.Good Lord, shall never be my lucke my neele agayne to spye?Alas, the whyle! tys past my helpe, where tis still it must lye!Diccon.Now, Jesus! Gammer Gurton, what driveth you to this sadnes?5I feare me, by my conscience, you will sure fall to madnes.Gammer.Who is that? What, Diccon? cham lost, man! fye, fye!Diccon.Mary, fy on them that be worthy! but what shuld be your troble?Gammer.Alas! the more ich thinke on it, my sorow it waxeth doble.My goodly tossing[689]sporyars[690]neele chave lost ich wot not where.10Diccon.Your neele? whan?Gammer.My neele, alas! ich myght full ill it spare,As God him selfe he knoweth, nere one besyde chave.Diccon.If this be all, good Gammer, I warrant you all is save.Gammer.Why, know you any tydings which way my neele is gone?Diccon.Yea, that I do doubtlesse, as ye shall here anone.15A see a thing this matter toucheth, within these twenty howres,Even at this gate, before my face, by a neyghbour of yours.She stooped me downe, and up she toke a nedle or a pyn.I durst be sworne it was even yours, by all my mothers kyn.Gammer.It was my neele, Diccon, ich wot; for here, even by this poste,20Ich sat, what time as ich up starte, and so my neele it loste.Who was it, leive[691]son? speke, ich pray the, and quickly tell me that!Diccon.A suttle queane as any in thys towne, your neyghboure here, Dame Chat.Gammer.Dame Chat, Diccon? Let me be gone, chil thyther in post haste.Diccon.Take my councell yet or ye go, for feare ye walke in wast.25It is a murrion crafty drab, and froward to be pleased;And ye take not the better way, our nedle yet ye lose[692]it:For when she tooke it up, even here before your doores,"What, soft, Dame Chat" (quoth I), "that same is none of yours.""Avant," quoth she, "syr knave! what pratest thou of that I fynd?30I wold thou hast kist me I wot whear;" she ment, I know, behind;And home she went as brag as it had ben a bodelouce,And I after, as bold as it had ben the goodman of the house.But there and ye had hard her, how she began to scolde!The tonge it went on patins, by hym that Judas solde!35Ech other worde I was a knave, and you a hore of hores,Because I spake in your behalfe, and sayde the neele was yours.Gammer.Gogs bread, and thinks that that callet thus to kepe my neele me fro?Diccon.Let her alone, and she minds non other but even to dresse you so.Gammer.By the masse, chil rather spend the cote that is on my backe!40Thinks the false quean by such a slygh[t] that chill my neele lacke?Diccon.Slepe[693]not you[r] gere, I counsell you, but of this take good hede:Let not be knowen I told you of it, how well soever ye spede.Gammer.Chil in, Diccon, a cleene aperne to take and set before me;And ich may my neele once see, chil, sure, remember the!45

Diccon.Now this gere must forward goe, for here my gammer commeth.Be still a while and say nothing; make here a little romth.[688]

Diccon.Now this gere must forward goe, for here my gammer commeth.

Be still a while and say nothing; make here a little romth.[688]

Gammer.Good Lord, shall never be my lucke my neele agayne to spye?Alas, the whyle! tys past my helpe, where tis still it must lye!

Gammer.Good Lord, shall never be my lucke my neele agayne to spye?

Alas, the whyle! tys past my helpe, where tis still it must lye!

Diccon.Now, Jesus! Gammer Gurton, what driveth you to this sadnes?5I feare me, by my conscience, you will sure fall to madnes.

Diccon.Now, Jesus! Gammer Gurton, what driveth you to this sadnes?5

I feare me, by my conscience, you will sure fall to madnes.

Gammer.Who is that? What, Diccon? cham lost, man! fye, fye!

Diccon.Mary, fy on them that be worthy! but what shuld be your troble?

Gammer.Alas! the more ich thinke on it, my sorow it waxeth doble.My goodly tossing[689]sporyars[690]neele chave lost ich wot not where.10

Gammer.Alas! the more ich thinke on it, my sorow it waxeth doble.

My goodly tossing[689]sporyars[690]neele chave lost ich wot not where.10

Diccon.Your neele? whan?

Gammer.My neele, alas! ich myght full ill it spare,As God him selfe he knoweth, nere one besyde chave.

Gammer.My neele, alas! ich myght full ill it spare,

As God him selfe he knoweth, nere one besyde chave.

Diccon.If this be all, good Gammer, I warrant you all is save.

Gammer.Why, know you any tydings which way my neele is gone?

Diccon.Yea, that I do doubtlesse, as ye shall here anone.15A see a thing this matter toucheth, within these twenty howres,Even at this gate, before my face, by a neyghbour of yours.She stooped me downe, and up she toke a nedle or a pyn.I durst be sworne it was even yours, by all my mothers kyn.

Diccon.Yea, that I do doubtlesse, as ye shall here anone.15

A see a thing this matter toucheth, within these twenty howres,

Even at this gate, before my face, by a neyghbour of yours.

She stooped me downe, and up she toke a nedle or a pyn.

I durst be sworne it was even yours, by all my mothers kyn.

Gammer.It was my neele, Diccon, ich wot; for here, even by this poste,20Ich sat, what time as ich up starte, and so my neele it loste.Who was it, leive[691]son? speke, ich pray the, and quickly tell me that!

Gammer.It was my neele, Diccon, ich wot; for here, even by this poste,20

Ich sat, what time as ich up starte, and so my neele it loste.

Who was it, leive[691]son? speke, ich pray the, and quickly tell me that!

Diccon.A suttle queane as any in thys towne, your neyghboure here, Dame Chat.

Gammer.Dame Chat, Diccon? Let me be gone, chil thyther in post haste.

Diccon.Take my councell yet or ye go, for feare ye walke in wast.25It is a murrion crafty drab, and froward to be pleased;And ye take not the better way, our nedle yet ye lose[692]it:For when she tooke it up, even here before your doores,"What, soft, Dame Chat" (quoth I), "that same is none of yours.""Avant," quoth she, "syr knave! what pratest thou of that I fynd?30I wold thou hast kist me I wot whear;" she ment, I know, behind;And home she went as brag as it had ben a bodelouce,And I after, as bold as it had ben the goodman of the house.But there and ye had hard her, how she began to scolde!The tonge it went on patins, by hym that Judas solde!35Ech other worde I was a knave, and you a hore of hores,Because I spake in your behalfe, and sayde the neele was yours.

Diccon.Take my councell yet or ye go, for feare ye walke in wast.25

It is a murrion crafty drab, and froward to be pleased;

And ye take not the better way, our nedle yet ye lose[692]it:

For when she tooke it up, even here before your doores,

"What, soft, Dame Chat" (quoth I), "that same is none of yours."

"Avant," quoth she, "syr knave! what pratest thou of that I fynd?30

I wold thou hast kist me I wot whear;" she ment, I know, behind;

And home she went as brag as it had ben a bodelouce,

And I after, as bold as it had ben the goodman of the house.

But there and ye had hard her, how she began to scolde!

The tonge it went on patins, by hym that Judas solde!35

Ech other worde I was a knave, and you a hore of hores,

Because I spake in your behalfe, and sayde the neele was yours.

Gammer.Gogs bread, and thinks that that callet thus to kepe my neele me fro?

Diccon.Let her alone, and she minds non other but even to dresse you so.

Gammer.By the masse, chil rather spend the cote that is on my backe!40Thinks the false quean by such a slygh[t] that chill my neele lacke?

Gammer.By the masse, chil rather spend the cote that is on my backe!40

Thinks the false quean by such a slygh[t] that chill my neele lacke?

Diccon.Slepe[693]not you[r] gere, I counsell you, but of this take good hede:Let not be knowen I told you of it, how well soever ye spede.

Diccon.Slepe[693]not you[r] gere, I counsell you, but of this take good hede:

Let not be knowen I told you of it, how well soever ye spede.

Gammer.Chil in, Diccon, a cleene aperne to take and set before me;And ich may my neele once see, chil, sure, remember the!45

Gammer.Chil in, Diccon, a cleene aperne to take and set before me;

And ich may my neele once see, chil, sure, remember the!45

Diccon.

Diccon.Here will the sporte begin; if these two once may meete,Their chere, durst lay money, will prove scarsly sweete.My gammer, sure, entends to be uppon her bonesWith staves, or with clubs, or els with coble stones.Dame Chat, on the other syde, if she be far behynde5I am right far deceived; she is geven to it of kynde.[694]He that may tarry by it awhyle, and that but shorte,I warrant hym, trust to it, he shall see all the sporte.Into the towne will I, my frendes to vysit there,And hether straight againe to see thend of this gere.10In the meane time, felowes, pype upp; your fiddles, I saie, take them,And let your freyndes here such mirth as ye can make them.

Diccon.Here will the sporte begin; if these two once may meete,

Their chere, durst lay money, will prove scarsly sweete.

My gammer, sure, entends to be uppon her bones

With staves, or with clubs, or els with coble stones.

Dame Chat, on the other syde, if she be far behynde5

I am right far deceived; she is geven to it of kynde.[694]

He that may tarry by it awhyle, and that but shorte,

I warrant hym, trust to it, he shall see all the sporte.

Into the towne will I, my frendes to vysit there,

And hether straight againe to see thend of this gere.10

In the meane time, felowes, pype upp; your fiddles, I saie, take them,

And let your freyndes here such mirth as ye can make them.

Hodge.

Hodge.Sym Glover, yet gramercy! cham meetlye well sped now,Thart even as good a felow as ever kyste a cowe!Here is a thonge[695]in dede, by the masse, though ich speake it;Tom Tankards great bald curtal, I thinke, could not breake it!And when he spyed my neede to be so straight and hard,CiiHays lent me here his naull,[696]to set the gyb forward,[697]6As for my gammers neele, the flyenge feynd go weete!Chill not now go to the doore againe with it to meete.Chould make shyfte good inough and chad a candels ende;The cheefe hole in my breeche with these two chil amende.10

Hodge.Sym Glover, yet gramercy! cham meetlye well sped now,

Thart even as good a felow as ever kyste a cowe!

Here is a thonge[695]in dede, by the masse, though ich speake it;

Tom Tankards great bald curtal, I thinke, could not breake it!

And when he spyed my neede to be so straight and hard,Cii

Hays lent me here his naull,[696]to set the gyb forward,[697]6

As for my gammers neele, the flyenge feynd go weete!

Chill not now go to the doore againe with it to meete.

Chould make shyfte good inough and chad a candels ende;

The cheefe hole in my breeche with these two chil amende.10

Gammer. Hodge.

Gammer.Now Hodge, mayst nowe be glade, cha newes to tell thee;Ich knowe who hais my neele; ich trust soone shalt it see.Hodge.The devyll thou does! hast hard, Gammer, in deede, or doest but jest?Gammer.Tys as true as steele, Hodge.Hodge.Why, knowest well where dydst leese it?Gammer.Ich know who found it, and tooke it up! shalt see or it be longe.5Hodge.Gods mother dere! if that be true, farwel both naule an thong!But who hais it, Gammer, say on; chould faine here it disclosed.Gammer.That false fixen, that same Dame Chat, that counts her selfe so honest.Hodge.Who tolde you so?Gammer.That same did Diccon the bedlam, which saw it done.Hodge.Diccon? it is a vengeable knave, Gammer, tis a bonable[698]horson,10Can do mo things then that, els cham deceyved evill:By the masse, ich saw him of late cal up a great blacke devill!O, the knave cryed "ho, ho!" he roared and he thundred,And yead bene here, cham sure yould murrenly ha wondred.Gammer.Was not thou afraide, Hodge to see him in this place?15Hodge.No, and chad come to me, chould have laid him on the face,Chould have, promised him!Gammer.But, Hodge, had he no hornes to pushe?Hodge.As long as your two armes. Saw ye never Fryer Rushe[699]Painted on a cloth, with a side long cowes tayle,And crooked cloven feete, and many a hoked nayle?20For al the world, if I shuld judg, chould recken him his brother.Loke, even what face Frier Rush had, the devil had such another.Gammer.Now Jesus mercy, Hodg! did Diccon in him bring?Hodge.Nay Gammer, here me speke, chil tel you a greater thing;The devil (when Diccon had him, ich hard him wondrous weel)25Sayd plainly here before us, that Dame Chat had your neele.G[am]mer.Then let us go, and aske her wherfore she minds to kepe it;Seing we know so much, tware a madnes now to slepe it.Hodge.Go to her, Gammer; see ye not where she stands in her doores?Byd her geve you the neele, tys none of hers but yours.30

Gammer.Now Hodge, mayst nowe be glade, cha newes to tell thee;Ich knowe who hais my neele; ich trust soone shalt it see.

Gammer.Now Hodge, mayst nowe be glade, cha newes to tell thee;

Ich knowe who hais my neele; ich trust soone shalt it see.

Hodge.The devyll thou does! hast hard, Gammer, in deede, or doest but jest?

Gammer.Tys as true as steele, Hodge.

Hodge.Why, knowest well where dydst leese it?

Gammer.Ich know who found it, and tooke it up! shalt see or it be longe.5

Hodge.Gods mother dere! if that be true, farwel both naule an thong!But who hais it, Gammer, say on; chould faine here it disclosed.

Hodge.Gods mother dere! if that be true, farwel both naule an thong!

But who hais it, Gammer, say on; chould faine here it disclosed.

Gammer.That false fixen, that same Dame Chat, that counts her selfe so honest.

Hodge.Who tolde you so?

Gammer.That same did Diccon the bedlam, which saw it done.

Hodge.Diccon? it is a vengeable knave, Gammer, tis a bonable[698]horson,10Can do mo things then that, els cham deceyved evill:By the masse, ich saw him of late cal up a great blacke devill!O, the knave cryed "ho, ho!" he roared and he thundred,And yead bene here, cham sure yould murrenly ha wondred.

Hodge.Diccon? it is a vengeable knave, Gammer, tis a bonable[698]horson,10

Can do mo things then that, els cham deceyved evill:

By the masse, ich saw him of late cal up a great blacke devill!

O, the knave cryed "ho, ho!" he roared and he thundred,

And yead bene here, cham sure yould murrenly ha wondred.

Gammer.Was not thou afraide, Hodge to see him in this place?15

Hodge.No, and chad come to me, chould have laid him on the face,Chould have, promised him!

Hodge.No, and chad come to me, chould have laid him on the face,

Chould have, promised him!

Gammer.But, Hodge, had he no hornes to pushe?

Hodge.As long as your two armes. Saw ye never Fryer Rushe[699]Painted on a cloth, with a side long cowes tayle,And crooked cloven feete, and many a hoked nayle?20For al the world, if I shuld judg, chould recken him his brother.Loke, even what face Frier Rush had, the devil had such another.

Hodge.As long as your two armes. Saw ye never Fryer Rushe[699]

Painted on a cloth, with a side long cowes tayle,

And crooked cloven feete, and many a hoked nayle?20

For al the world, if I shuld judg, chould recken him his brother.

Loke, even what face Frier Rush had, the devil had such another.

Gammer.Now Jesus mercy, Hodg! did Diccon in him bring?

Hodge.Nay Gammer, here me speke, chil tel you a greater thing;The devil (when Diccon had him, ich hard him wondrous weel)25Sayd plainly here before us, that Dame Chat had your neele.

Hodge.Nay Gammer, here me speke, chil tel you a greater thing;

The devil (when Diccon had him, ich hard him wondrous weel)25

Sayd plainly here before us, that Dame Chat had your neele.

G[am]mer.Then let us go, and aske her wherfore she minds to kepe it;Seing we know so much, tware a madnes now to slepe it.

G[am]mer.Then let us go, and aske her wherfore she minds to kepe it;

Seing we know so much, tware a madnes now to slepe it.

Hodge.Go to her, Gammer; see ye not where she stands in her doores?Byd her geve you the neele, tys none of hers but yours.30

Hodge.Go to her, Gammer; see ye not where she stands in her doores?

Byd her geve you the neele, tys none of hers but yours.30

Gammer. Chat. Hodge.

Gammer.Dame Chat, cholde praye the fair, let me have that is mine!Chil not this twenty yeres take one fart that is thyne;Therefore give me mine owne, and let me live besyde the.Chat.Why art thou crept from home hether, to mine own doores to chide me?Hence, doting drab, avaunt, or I shall set the further!5Intends thou and that knave mee in my house to murther?Gammer.Tush, gape not so on[700]me, woman! shalt not yet eate mee!Nor all the frends thou hast in this shall not intreate mee!Mine owne goods I will have, and aske the no[701]beleve,[702]What, woman! pore folks must have right, though the thing you aggreve.10Chat.Give thee thy right, and hang the up, with al thy baggers broode!What, wilt thou make me a theefe, and say I stole thy good?Gammer.Chil say nothing, ich warrant thee, but that ich can prove it well.Thou fet my good even from my doore, cham able this to tel!Chat.Dyd I, olde witche, steale oft[703]was thine? how should that thing be knowen?15Gammer.Ich can no tel; but up thou tokest it as though it had ben thine owne,Chat.Mary, fy on thee, thou old gyb, with al my very hart!Gammer.Nay, fy on thee, thou rampe, thou ryg, with al that take thy parte!Chat.A vengeance on those lips that laieth such things to my charge!Gammer.A vengeance on those callats hips, whose conscience is so large!20Chat.Come out, hogge!Gammer.Come out, hogge, and let have me right!Chat.Thou arrant witche!Gammer.Thou bawdie bitche, chil make thee cursse this night!Chat.A bag and a wallet!Gammer.A carte for a callet!Chat.Why, wenest thou thus to prevaile?I hold thee a grote, I shall patche thy coate!C iiiGammer.Thou warte as good kysse my tayle!Thou slut, thou kut, thou rakes, thou jakes! will not shame make the hide [the]?25Chat.Thou skald, thou bald, thou rotten, thou glotton! I will no longer chyd the,But I will teache the to kepe home.Gammer.Wylt thou, drunken beaste?Hodge.Sticke to her, Gammer! take her by the head, chil warrant you thys feast!Smyte, I saye, Gammer! Byte, I say, Gammer! I trow ye wyll be keene!Where be your nayls? claw her by the jawes, pull me out bothe her eyen.30Gogs bones, Gammer, holde up your head!Chat.I trow, drab, I shall dresse thee.Tary, thou knave, I hold the a grote I shall make these hands blesse thee!Take thou this, old hore, for amends, and lerne thy tonge well to tame,And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame!Hodge.Where is the strong stued hore? chil geare a hores marke!35Stand out ones way, that ich kyll none in the darke!Up, Gammer, and ye be alyve! chil feygh[t] now for us bothe.Come no nere me, thou scalde callet! to kyll the ich wer loth.Chat.Art here agayne, thou hoddy peke? what, Doll! bryng me out my spitte.Hodge.Chill broche thee wyth this, bim father soule, chyll conjure that foule sprete!40Let dore stand, Cock! why coms, in deede? kepe dore, thou horson boy!Chat.Stand to it, thou dastard, for thine eares, ise teche the, a sluttish toye!Hodge.Gogs woundes, hore, chil make the avaunte! take heede, Cocke, pull in the latche!Chat.Ifaith, sir Loose-breche, had ye taried, ye shold have found your match!Gammer.Now ware thy throte, losell, thouse paye[704]for al!Hodge.Well said, Gammer, by my soule.45Hoyse her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull out her throte boule!Chat.Comst behynd me, thou withered witch? and I get once on footeThouse pay for all, thou old tarlether! ile teach the what longs to it!Take the this to make up thy mouth, til time thou come by more!Hodge.Up, Gammer, stande on your feete; where is the olde hore?50Faith, woulde chad her by the face, choulde cracke her callet crowne!Gammer.A Hodg, Hodg, where was thy help, when fixen had me downe?Hodge.By the masse, Gammer, but for my staffe Chat had gone nye to spyl you!Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not com, to kill you.But shall we loose our neele thus?Gammer.No Hodge chwarde[705]lothe doo soo,55Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand? no, Hodg, ich tell the no!Hodge.Chold yet this fray wer wel take up, and our neele at home.Twill be my chaunce else some to kil, wher ever it be or whome!Gammer.We have a parson, Hodge, thou knoes, a man estemed wise,Mast Doctor Rat; chil for hym send, and let me here his advise.60He will her shrive for all this gere, and geve her penaunce strait;Wese[706]have our neele, els Dame Chat comes nere within heaven gate.Hodge.Ye, mary, Gammer, that ich think best; wyll you now for him send?The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the soner wese ha an ende,And here, Gammer! Dyccons devill, as iche remember well,65Of cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat, a felloneus tale dyd tell.Chold you forty pound, that is the way your neele to get againe.Gammer.Chil ha him strait! Call out the boy, wese make him take the payn.Hodge.What, Co[c]ke, I saye! come out! What devill! canst not here?Cocke.How now, Hodg? how does Gammer, is yet the wether cleare?70What wold chave[707]me to do?Gammer.Come hether, Cocke, anon!Hence swythe[708]to Doctor Rat, hye the that thou were gone,And pray hym come speke with me, cham not well at ease.Shalt have him at his chamber, or els at Mother Bees;Els seeke him at Hob Fylchers shop, for as charde it reported,75There is the best ale in al the towne, and now is most resorted.Cocke.And shall ich brynge hym with me, Gammer?Gammer.Yea, by and by, good Cocke.Cocke.Shalt see that shal be here anone, els let me have on the docke.[709]Hodge.Now, Gammer, shall we two go in, and tary for hys commynge?What devill, woman! plucke up your hart, and leve of al this glomming.[710]80Though she were stronger at the first, as ich thinke ye did find her,Yet there ye drest the dronken sow, what time ye cam behind her.Gammer.Nay, nay, cham sure she lost not all, for, set thend to the beginning,And ich doubt not but she will make small bost of her winning.

Gammer.Dame Chat, cholde praye the fair, let me have that is mine!Chil not this twenty yeres take one fart that is thyne;Therefore give me mine owne, and let me live besyde the.

Gammer.Dame Chat, cholde praye the fair, let me have that is mine!

Chil not this twenty yeres take one fart that is thyne;

Therefore give me mine owne, and let me live besyde the.

Chat.Why art thou crept from home hether, to mine own doores to chide me?Hence, doting drab, avaunt, or I shall set the further!5Intends thou and that knave mee in my house to murther?

Chat.Why art thou crept from home hether, to mine own doores to chide me?

Hence, doting drab, avaunt, or I shall set the further!5

Intends thou and that knave mee in my house to murther?

Gammer.Tush, gape not so on[700]me, woman! shalt not yet eate mee!Nor all the frends thou hast in this shall not intreate mee!Mine owne goods I will have, and aske the no[701]beleve,[702]What, woman! pore folks must have right, though the thing you aggreve.10

Gammer.Tush, gape not so on[700]me, woman! shalt not yet eate mee!

Nor all the frends thou hast in this shall not intreate mee!

Mine owne goods I will have, and aske the no[701]beleve,[702]

What, woman! pore folks must have right, though the thing you aggreve.10

Chat.Give thee thy right, and hang the up, with al thy baggers broode!What, wilt thou make me a theefe, and say I stole thy good?

Chat.Give thee thy right, and hang the up, with al thy baggers broode!

What, wilt thou make me a theefe, and say I stole thy good?

Gammer.Chil say nothing, ich warrant thee, but that ich can prove it well.Thou fet my good even from my doore, cham able this to tel!

Gammer.Chil say nothing, ich warrant thee, but that ich can prove it well.

Thou fet my good even from my doore, cham able this to tel!

Chat.Dyd I, olde witche, steale oft[703]was thine? how should that thing be knowen?15

Gammer.Ich can no tel; but up thou tokest it as though it had ben thine owne,

Chat.Mary, fy on thee, thou old gyb, with al my very hart!

Gammer.Nay, fy on thee, thou rampe, thou ryg, with al that take thy parte!

Chat.A vengeance on those lips that laieth such things to my charge!

Gammer.A vengeance on those callats hips, whose conscience is so large!20

Chat.Come out, hogge!

Gammer.Come out, hogge, and let have me right!

Chat.Thou arrant witche!

Gammer.Thou bawdie bitche, chil make thee cursse this night!

Chat.A bag and a wallet!

Gammer.A carte for a callet!

Chat.Why, wenest thou thus to prevaile?I hold thee a grote, I shall patche thy coate!C iii

Chat.Why, wenest thou thus to prevaile?

I hold thee a grote, I shall patche thy coate!C iii

Gammer.Thou warte as good kysse my tayle!Thou slut, thou kut, thou rakes, thou jakes! will not shame make the hide [the]?25

Gammer.Thou warte as good kysse my tayle!

Thou slut, thou kut, thou rakes, thou jakes! will not shame make the hide [the]?25

Chat.Thou skald, thou bald, thou rotten, thou glotton! I will no longer chyd the,But I will teache the to kepe home.

Chat.Thou skald, thou bald, thou rotten, thou glotton! I will no longer chyd the,

But I will teache the to kepe home.

Gammer.Wylt thou, drunken beaste?

Hodge.Sticke to her, Gammer! take her by the head, chil warrant you thys feast!Smyte, I saye, Gammer! Byte, I say, Gammer! I trow ye wyll be keene!Where be your nayls? claw her by the jawes, pull me out bothe her eyen.30Gogs bones, Gammer, holde up your head!

Hodge.Sticke to her, Gammer! take her by the head, chil warrant you thys feast!

Smyte, I saye, Gammer! Byte, I say, Gammer! I trow ye wyll be keene!

Where be your nayls? claw her by the jawes, pull me out bothe her eyen.30

Gogs bones, Gammer, holde up your head!

Chat.I trow, drab, I shall dresse thee.Tary, thou knave, I hold the a grote I shall make these hands blesse thee!Take thou this, old hore, for amends, and lerne thy tonge well to tame,And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame!

Chat.I trow, drab, I shall dresse thee.

Tary, thou knave, I hold the a grote I shall make these hands blesse thee!

Take thou this, old hore, for amends, and lerne thy tonge well to tame,

And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame!

Hodge.Where is the strong stued hore? chil geare a hores marke!35Stand out ones way, that ich kyll none in the darke!Up, Gammer, and ye be alyve! chil feygh[t] now for us bothe.Come no nere me, thou scalde callet! to kyll the ich wer loth.

Hodge.Where is the strong stued hore? chil geare a hores marke!35

Stand out ones way, that ich kyll none in the darke!

Up, Gammer, and ye be alyve! chil feygh[t] now for us bothe.

Come no nere me, thou scalde callet! to kyll the ich wer loth.

Chat.Art here agayne, thou hoddy peke? what, Doll! bryng me out my spitte.

Hodge.Chill broche thee wyth this, bim father soule, chyll conjure that foule sprete!40Let dore stand, Cock! why coms, in deede? kepe dore, thou horson boy!

Hodge.Chill broche thee wyth this, bim father soule, chyll conjure that foule sprete!40

Let dore stand, Cock! why coms, in deede? kepe dore, thou horson boy!

Chat.Stand to it, thou dastard, for thine eares, ise teche the, a sluttish toye!

Hodge.Gogs woundes, hore, chil make the avaunte! take heede, Cocke, pull in the latche!

Chat.Ifaith, sir Loose-breche, had ye taried, ye shold have found your match!

Gammer.Now ware thy throte, losell, thouse paye[704]for al!

Hodge.Well said, Gammer, by my soule.45Hoyse her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull out her throte boule!

Hodge.Well said, Gammer, by my soule.45

Hoyse her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull out her throte boule!

Chat.Comst behynd me, thou withered witch? and I get once on footeThouse pay for all, thou old tarlether! ile teach the what longs to it!Take the this to make up thy mouth, til time thou come by more!

Chat.Comst behynd me, thou withered witch? and I get once on foote

Thouse pay for all, thou old tarlether! ile teach the what longs to it!

Take the this to make up thy mouth, til time thou come by more!

Hodge.Up, Gammer, stande on your feete; where is the olde hore?50Faith, woulde chad her by the face, choulde cracke her callet crowne!

Hodge.Up, Gammer, stande on your feete; where is the olde hore?50

Faith, woulde chad her by the face, choulde cracke her callet crowne!

Gammer.A Hodg, Hodg, where was thy help, when fixen had me downe?

Hodge.By the masse, Gammer, but for my staffe Chat had gone nye to spyl you!Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not com, to kill you.But shall we loose our neele thus?

Hodge.By the masse, Gammer, but for my staffe Chat had gone nye to spyl you!

Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not com, to kill you.

But shall we loose our neele thus?

Gammer.No Hodge chwarde[705]lothe doo soo,55Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand? no, Hodg, ich tell the no!

Gammer.No Hodge chwarde[705]lothe doo soo,55

Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand? no, Hodg, ich tell the no!

Hodge.Chold yet this fray wer wel take up, and our neele at home.Twill be my chaunce else some to kil, wher ever it be or whome!

Hodge.Chold yet this fray wer wel take up, and our neele at home.

Twill be my chaunce else some to kil, wher ever it be or whome!

Gammer.We have a parson, Hodge, thou knoes, a man estemed wise,Mast Doctor Rat; chil for hym send, and let me here his advise.60He will her shrive for all this gere, and geve her penaunce strait;Wese[706]have our neele, els Dame Chat comes nere within heaven gate.

Gammer.We have a parson, Hodge, thou knoes, a man estemed wise,

Mast Doctor Rat; chil for hym send, and let me here his advise.60

He will her shrive for all this gere, and geve her penaunce strait;

Wese[706]have our neele, els Dame Chat comes nere within heaven gate.

Hodge.Ye, mary, Gammer, that ich think best; wyll you now for him send?The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the soner wese ha an ende,And here, Gammer! Dyccons devill, as iche remember well,65Of cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat, a felloneus tale dyd tell.Chold you forty pound, that is the way your neele to get againe.

Hodge.Ye, mary, Gammer, that ich think best; wyll you now for him send?

The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the soner wese ha an ende,

And here, Gammer! Dyccons devill, as iche remember well,65

Of cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat, a felloneus tale dyd tell.

Chold you forty pound, that is the way your neele to get againe.

Gammer.Chil ha him strait! Call out the boy, wese make him take the payn.

Hodge.What, Co[c]ke, I saye! come out! What devill! canst not here?

Cocke.How now, Hodg? how does Gammer, is yet the wether cleare?70What wold chave[707]me to do?

Cocke.How now, Hodg? how does Gammer, is yet the wether cleare?70

What wold chave[707]me to do?

Gammer.Come hether, Cocke, anon!Hence swythe[708]to Doctor Rat, hye the that thou were gone,And pray hym come speke with me, cham not well at ease.Shalt have him at his chamber, or els at Mother Bees;Els seeke him at Hob Fylchers shop, for as charde it reported,75There is the best ale in al the towne, and now is most resorted.

Gammer.Come hether, Cocke, anon!

Hence swythe[708]to Doctor Rat, hye the that thou were gone,

And pray hym come speke with me, cham not well at ease.

Shalt have him at his chamber, or els at Mother Bees;

Els seeke him at Hob Fylchers shop, for as charde it reported,75

There is the best ale in al the towne, and now is most resorted.

Cocke.And shall ich brynge hym with me, Gammer?

Gammer.Yea, by and by, good Cocke.

Cocke.Shalt see that shal be here anone, els let me have on the docke.[709]

Hodge.Now, Gammer, shall we two go in, and tary for hys commynge?What devill, woman! plucke up your hart, and leve of al this glomming.[710]80Though she were stronger at the first, as ich thinke ye did find her,Yet there ye drest the dronken sow, what time ye cam behind her.

Hodge.Now, Gammer, shall we two go in, and tary for hys commynge?

What devill, woman! plucke up your hart, and leve of al this glomming.[710]80

Though she were stronger at the first, as ich thinke ye did find her,

Yet there ye drest the dronken sow, what time ye cam behind her.

Gammer.Nay, nay, cham sure she lost not all, for, set thend to the beginning,And ich doubt not but she will make small bost of her winning.

Gammer.Nay, nay, cham sure she lost not all, for, set thend to the beginning,

And ich doubt not but she will make small bost of her winning.

Tyb. Hodge. Gammer. Cocke.

Tyb.Se, Gammer, Gammer, Gib, our cat, cham afraid what she ayleth;She standes me gasping behind the doore, as though her winde her faileth:Now let ich doubt what Gib shuld mean, that now she doth so dote.Hodge.Hold hether! I chould twenty pound, your neele is in her throte.Grope her, ich say, me thinkes ich feele it; does not pricke your hand?5Gammer.Ich can feele nothing.Hodge.No, ich know thars not within this landA muryner cat then Gyb is, betwixt the Tems and Tyne;Shase as much wyt in her head almost as chave in mine!Tyb.Faith, shase eaten some thing, that will not easily downe;Whether she gat it at home, or abrode in the towne10Ich can not tell.Gammer.Alas ich feare it be some croked pyn!And then farewell Gyb! she is undone, and lost al save the skyn!Hodge.Tys[711]your neele, woman, I say! Gogs soule! geve me a knyfe,And chil have it out[712]of her mawe, or els chal lose my lyfe!Gammer.What! nay, Hodg, fy! Kil not our cat, tis al the cats we ha now.15Hodge.By the masse, Dame Chat hays me so moved,[713]iche care not what I kyll, ma[714]God a vowe!Go to, then, Tyb, to this geare! holde up har tayle and take her!Chil see what devil is in her guts! chil take the paines to rake her!Gammer.Rake a cat, Hodge! what woldst thou do?Hodge.What, thinckst that cham not able?Did not Tom Tankard rake his curtal toore[715]day standing in the stable?20Gammer.Soft! be content, lets here what newes Cocke bringeth from Maist Rat.Cocke.Gammer, chave ben ther as you bad, you wot wel about what.Twill not be long before he come, ich durst sweare of a booke.He byds you see ye be at home, and there for him to looke.Gammer.Where didst thou find him, boy? was he not wher I told thee?25Cocke.Yes, yes, even at Hob Filchers house, by him that bought and solde me!A cup of ale had in his hand, and a crab lay in the fyer;Chad much a do to go and come, al was so ful of myer.And, Gammer, one thing I can tel, Hob Filchers naule was loste,And Doctor Rat found it againe, hard beside the doore poste.30I chould a penny can say something your neele againe to set.Gammer.Cham glad to heare so much, Cocke, then trust he wil not letTo helpe us herein best he can; therfore tyl time he comeLet us go in; if there be ought to get thou shall have some.

Tyb.Se, Gammer, Gammer, Gib, our cat, cham afraid what she ayleth;

She standes me gasping behind the doore, as though her winde her faileth:

Now let ich doubt what Gib shuld mean, that now she doth so dote.

Hodge.Hold hether! I chould twenty pound, your neele is in her throte.Grope her, ich say, me thinkes ich feele it; does not pricke your hand?5

Hodge.Hold hether! I chould twenty pound, your neele is in her throte.

Grope her, ich say, me thinkes ich feele it; does not pricke your hand?5

Gammer.Ich can feele nothing.

Hodge.No, ich know thars not within this landA muryner cat then Gyb is, betwixt the Tems and Tyne;Shase as much wyt in her head almost as chave in mine!

Hodge.No, ich know thars not within this land

A muryner cat then Gyb is, betwixt the Tems and Tyne;

Shase as much wyt in her head almost as chave in mine!

Tyb.Faith, shase eaten some thing, that will not easily downe;Whether she gat it at home, or abrode in the towne10Ich can not tell.

Tyb.Faith, shase eaten some thing, that will not easily downe;

Whether she gat it at home, or abrode in the towne10

Ich can not tell.

Gammer.Alas ich feare it be some croked pyn!And then farewell Gyb! she is undone, and lost al save the skyn!

Gammer.Alas ich feare it be some croked pyn!

And then farewell Gyb! she is undone, and lost al save the skyn!

Hodge.Tys[711]your neele, woman, I say! Gogs soule! geve me a knyfe,And chil have it out[712]of her mawe, or els chal lose my lyfe!

Hodge.Tys[711]your neele, woman, I say! Gogs soule! geve me a knyfe,

And chil have it out[712]of her mawe, or els chal lose my lyfe!

Gammer.What! nay, Hodg, fy! Kil not our cat, tis al the cats we ha now.15

Hodge.By the masse, Dame Chat hays me so moved,[713]iche care not what I kyll, ma[714]God a vowe!Go to, then, Tyb, to this geare! holde up har tayle and take her!Chil see what devil is in her guts! chil take the paines to rake her!

Hodge.By the masse, Dame Chat hays me so moved,[713]iche care not what I kyll, ma[714]God a vowe!

Go to, then, Tyb, to this geare! holde up har tayle and take her!

Chil see what devil is in her guts! chil take the paines to rake her!

Gammer.Rake a cat, Hodge! what woldst thou do?

Hodge.What, thinckst that cham not able?Did not Tom Tankard rake his curtal toore[715]day standing in the stable?20

Hodge.What, thinckst that cham not able?

Did not Tom Tankard rake his curtal toore[715]day standing in the stable?20

Gammer.Soft! be content, lets here what newes Cocke bringeth from Maist Rat.

Cocke.Gammer, chave ben ther as you bad, you wot wel about what.Twill not be long before he come, ich durst sweare of a booke.He byds you see ye be at home, and there for him to looke.

Cocke.Gammer, chave ben ther as you bad, you wot wel about what.

Twill not be long before he come, ich durst sweare of a booke.

He byds you see ye be at home, and there for him to looke.

Gammer.Where didst thou find him, boy? was he not wher I told thee?25

Cocke.Yes, yes, even at Hob Filchers house, by him that bought and solde me!A cup of ale had in his hand, and a crab lay in the fyer;Chad much a do to go and come, al was so ful of myer.And, Gammer, one thing I can tel, Hob Filchers naule was loste,And Doctor Rat found it againe, hard beside the doore poste.30I chould a penny can say something your neele againe to set.

Cocke.Yes, yes, even at Hob Filchers house, by him that bought and solde me!

A cup of ale had in his hand, and a crab lay in the fyer;

Chad much a do to go and come, al was so ful of myer.

And, Gammer, one thing I can tel, Hob Filchers naule was loste,

And Doctor Rat found it againe, hard beside the doore poste.30

I chould a penny can say something your neele againe to set.

Gammer.Cham glad to heare so much, Cocke, then trust he wil not letTo helpe us herein best he can; therfore tyl time he comeLet us go in; if there be ought to get thou shall have some.

Gammer.Cham glad to heare so much, Cocke, then trust he wil not let

To helpe us herein best he can; therfore tyl time he come

Let us go in; if there be ought to get thou shall have some.

Doctor Rat. Gammer Gurton.

D. Rat.A man were better twenty times be a bandog and barke,Then here among such a sort be parish priest or clarke,Where he shall never be at rest one pissing while a day,But he must trudge about the towne, this way and that way;Here to a drab, there to a theefe, his shoes to teare and rent,5And that which is worst of al, at every knaves commaundement!I had not sit the space to drinke two pots of ale,But Gammer Gurtons sory boy was straite way at my taile,And she was sicke, and I must come, to do I wot not what!If once her fingers end but ake, trudge! call for Doctor Rat!10And when I come not at their call, I only therby loose;For I am sure to lacke therfore a tythe pyg or a goose.I warrant you, when truth is knowen, and told they have their tale,The matter where about I come is not worth a halfpeny worth of ale;Yet must I talke so sage and smothe, as though I were a glosier15Els, or the yere come at an end, I shal be sure the loser.What worke ye, Gammer Gurton? hoow? here is your frend M[ast] Rat.Gammer.A! good M[ast] Doctor! cha trebled, cha trebled you, chwot wel that!D. Rat.How do ye, woman? be ye lustie, or be ye not well at ease?Gammer.By gys, Master, cham not sick, but yet chave a disease.[717]20Chad a foule turne now of late, chill tell it you, by gigs!D. Rat.Hath your browne cow cast hir calfe, or your sandy sowe her pigs?Gammer.No, but chad ben as good they had as this, ich wot weel.D. Rat.What is the matter?Gammer.Alas, alas! cha lost my good neele!My neele, I say, and wot ye what, a drab came by and spied it,25And when I asked hir for the same, the filth flatly denied it.D. Rat.What was she that?Gammer.A dame, ich warrant you! She began to scold and brawle—Alas, alas! Come hether, Hodge! this wr[e]tche can tell you all.

D. Rat.A man were better twenty times be a bandog and barke,

Then here among such a sort be parish priest or clarke,

Where he shall never be at rest one pissing while a day,

But he must trudge about the towne, this way and that way;

Here to a drab, there to a theefe, his shoes to teare and rent,5

And that which is worst of al, at every knaves commaundement!

I had not sit the space to drinke two pots of ale,

But Gammer Gurtons sory boy was straite way at my taile,

And she was sicke, and I must come, to do I wot not what!

If once her fingers end but ake, trudge! call for Doctor Rat!10

And when I come not at their call, I only therby loose;

For I am sure to lacke therfore a tythe pyg or a goose.

I warrant you, when truth is knowen, and told they have their tale,

The matter where about I come is not worth a halfpeny worth of ale;

Yet must I talke so sage and smothe, as though I were a glosier15

Els, or the yere come at an end, I shal be sure the loser.

What worke ye, Gammer Gurton? hoow? here is your frend M[ast] Rat.

Gammer.A! good M[ast] Doctor! cha trebled, cha trebled you, chwot wel that!

D. Rat.How do ye, woman? be ye lustie, or be ye not well at ease?

Gammer.By gys, Master, cham not sick, but yet chave a disease.[717]20Chad a foule turne now of late, chill tell it you, by gigs!

Gammer.By gys, Master, cham not sick, but yet chave a disease.[717]20

Chad a foule turne now of late, chill tell it you, by gigs!

D. Rat.Hath your browne cow cast hir calfe, or your sandy sowe her pigs?

Gammer.No, but chad ben as good they had as this, ich wot weel.

D. Rat.What is the matter?

Gammer.Alas, alas! cha lost my good neele!My neele, I say, and wot ye what, a drab came by and spied it,25And when I asked hir for the same, the filth flatly denied it.

Gammer.Alas, alas! cha lost my good neele!

My neele, I say, and wot ye what, a drab came by and spied it,25

And when I asked hir for the same, the filth flatly denied it.

D. Rat.What was she that?

Gammer.A dame, ich warrant you! She began to scold and brawle—Alas, alas! Come hether, Hodge! this wr[e]tche can tell you all.

Gammer.A dame, ich warrant you! She began to scold and brawle—

Alas, alas! Come hether, Hodge! this wr[e]tche can tell you all.

Hodge. Doctor Rat. Gammer. Diccon. Chat.

Hodge.God morow, Gaffer Vicar.D. Rat.Come on, fellow, let us heare!Thy dame hath sayd to me, thou knowest of all this geare;Lets see what thou canst saie.Hodge.Bym fay, sir, that ye shall.What matter so ever there was done, ich can tell your maship [all]:My Gammer Gurton heare, see now,5sat her downe at this doore, see now;And, as she began to stirre her, see now,her neele fell to the floore, see now;And while her staffe shee tooke, see now,at Gyb her cat to flynge, see now,10Her neele was lost in the floore, see now.Is not this a wondrous thing, see now?Then came the queane Dame Chat, see now,to aske for hir blacke cup, see now:And even here at this gate, see now,15she tooke that neele up, see now:My Gammer then she yeede,[719]see now,her neele againe to bring, see now,And was caught by the head, see now.Is not this a wondrous thing, see now?20She tare my Gammers cote, see now,and scratched hir by the face, see now;Chad thought shad stopt hir throte, see now.Is not this a wondrous case, see now?When ich saw this, ich was wrothe,[720]see now,25and start betwene them twaine, see now;Els ich durst take a booke othe, see now,my gammer had bene slaine, see now.Gammer.This is even the whole matter, as Hodge has plainly tolde;And chould faine be quiet for my part, that chould.30But help us, good Master, beseech ye that ye doo:Els shall we both be beaten and lose our neele too.D. Rat.What wold ye have me to doo? tel me, that I were gone;I will do the best that I can, to set you both at one.But be ye sure Dame Chat hath this your neele founde?35Gammer.Here comes the man that see hir take it up of the ground.Aske him your selfe, Master Rat, if ye beleve not me:And help me to my neele, for Gods sake and Saint Charitie!D. Rat.Come nere, Diccon, and let us heare what thou can expresse.Wilt thou be sworne thou seest Dame Chat this womans neele have?40Diccon.Nay, by S. Benit, wil I not, then might ye thinke me rave!Gammer.Why, didst not thou tel me so even here? canst thou for shame deny it?Diccon.I, mary, Gammer; but I said I would not abide by it.D. Rat.Will you say a thing, and not sticke to it to trie it?Diccon."Stick to it," quoth you, Master Rat? mary, sir, I defy it!45Nay, there is many an honest man, when he suche blastes hath blowneIn his freindes eares, he woulde be loth the same by him were knowne.If such a toy be used oft among the honestie,It may beseme a simple man of your and my degree.D. Rat.Then we be never the nearer, for all that you can tell!50Diccon.Yea, mary, sir, if ye will do by mine advise and counsaile.If Mother Chat se al us here, she knoweth how the matter goes;Therfore I red you three go hence, and within keepe close,And I will into Dame Chats house, and so the matter use,That or[721]you cold go twise to church I warant you here news.55She shall look wel about hir, but, I durst lay a pledge,Ye shal of Gammers neele have shortly better knowledge.Gammer.Now, gentle Diccon, do so, and, good sir, let us trudge.D. Rat.By the masse, I may not tarry so long to be your judge.Diccon.Tys but a little while, man; what! take so much paine!60If I here no newes of it, I wil come sooner againe.Hodge.Tary so much, good Master Doctor, of your gentlenes!D. Rat.Then let us hie us inward, and, Diccon, speede thy busines.Diccon.[722]Now, sirs, do you no more, but kepe my counsaile juste,And Doctor Rat shall thus catch some good, I trust.65But Mother Chat, my gossop, talke first with-all I must:For she must be chiefe captaine to lay the Rat in the dust.God deven, dame Chat, in faith, and wel met in this place!Chat.God deven, my friend Diccon; whether walke ye this pace?Diccon.By my truth, even to you, to learne how the world goeth.70Hard ye no more of the other matter? say me, now, by your troth!Chat.O yes, Diccon, here the old hoore, and Hodge, that great knave—But, in faith, I would thou hadst sene,—O Lord, I drest them brave!She bare me two or three souses behind in the nape of the necke,Till I made hir olde wesen to answere againe, "kecke!"75And Hodge, that dirty dastard, that at hir elbow standes,—If one pair of legs had not bene worth two paire of hands,He had had his bearde shaven if my nayles wold have served,DijAnd not without a cause, for the knave it well deserved.Diccon.By the masse, I can the thank, wench, thou didst so wel acquite the!80Chat.And thadst scene him, Diccon, it wold have made the beshite theFor laughter. The horsen dolt at last caught up a club,As though he would have slaine the master devil Belsabub.But I set him soone inwarde.Diccon.O Lorde, there is the thingThat Hodge is so offended! that makes him start and flyng!85Chat.Why? makes the knave any moyling, as ye have seen or hard?Diccon.Even now I sawe him last, like a mad man he farde,And sware by heven and hell he would awreake his sorowe,And leve you never a hen on live, by eight of the clock to morow;Therfore marke what I say, and my wordes see that ye trust.90Your hens be as good as dead, if ye leave them on the ruste.Chat.The knave dare as well go hang himself, as go upon my ground.Diccon.Wel, yet take hede I say, I must tel you my tale round.Have you not about your house, behind your furnace or leade[723]A hole where a crafty knave may crepe in for neade?95Chat.Yes, by the masse, a hole broke down, even within these two dayes.Diccon.Hodge he intends this same night to slip in there awayes.Chat.O Christ! that I were sure of it! in faith he shuld have his mede!Diccon.Watch wel, for the knave wil be there as sure as is your crede.I wold spend my selfe a shilling to have him swinged well.100Chat.I am as glad as a woman can be of this thing to here tell.By Gogs bones, when he commeth, now that I know the matter,He shal sure at the first skip to leape in scalding water,With a worse turne besides; when he will, let him come.Diccon.I tell you as my sister; you know what meaneth "mum"![724]Now lacke I but my doctor to play his part againe.106And lo where he commeth towards, peradventure to his paine!D. Rat.What good newes, Diccon, fellow? is Mother Chat at home?Diccon.She is, syr, and she is not, but it please her to whome;Yet did I take her tardy, as subtle as she was.110D. Rat.The thing that thou wentst for, hast thou brought it to passe?Diccon.I have done that I have done, be it worse, be it better,And Dame Chat at her wyts ende I have almost set her.D. Rat.Why, hast thou spied the neele? quickly, I pray thee, tell!Diccon.I have spyed it, in faith, sir, I handled my selfe so well;115And yet the crafty queane had almost take my trumpe.But or all came to an ende, I set her in a dumpe.D. Rat.How so, I pray thee, Diccon?Diccon.Mary, syr, will ye heare?She was clapt downe on the backside, by Cocks mother dere,And there she sat sewing a halter or a bande,120With no other thing save Gammers nedle in her hande.As soone as any knocke, if the filth be in doubte,She needes but once puffe, and her candle is out:Now I, sir, knowing of every doore the pin,Came nycely, and said no worde, till time I was within;125And there I sawe the neele, even with these two eyes;Who ever say the contrary, I will sweare he lyes.D. Rat.O Diccon, that I was not there then in thy steade!Diccon.Well, if ye will be ordred, and do by my reade,I will bring you to a place, as the house standes,130Where ye shall take the drab with the neele in hir handes.D. Rat.For Gods sake do so, Diccon, and I will gage my gowneTo geve thee a full pot of the best ale in the towne.Diccon.Follow me but a litle, and marke what I will say;Lay downe your gown beside you; go to, come on your way!135Se ye not what is here? a hole wherin ye may creepeInto the house, and sodenly unwares among them leape;There shal ye finde the bitchfox and the neele together.Do as I bid you, man, come on your wayes hether!D. Rat.Art thou sure, Diccon, the swil-tub standes not here aboute?140Diccon.I was within my selfe, man, even now, there is no doubt.Go softly, make no noyse; give me your foote, Sir John.Here will I waite upon you, tyl you come out anone.D. Rat.Helpe, Diccon! out, alas! I shal be slaine among them!Diccon.If they give you not the nedle, tel them that ye will hang them.145Ware that! Hoow, my wenches! have ye caught the FoxeThat used to make revel among your hennes an Cocks?Save his life yet for his order, though he susteine some paine.Gogs bread! I am afraide they wil beate out his braine.D. Rat.Wo worth the houre that I came heare!150And wo worth him that wrought this geare!A sort of drabs and queanes have me blest—Was ever creature halfe so evill drest?Who ever it wrought, and first did invent itHe shall, I warrant him, erre long repent it!155I will spend all I have without my skinneDiiiBut he shall be brought to the plight I am in!Master Bayly, I trow, and he be worth his eares,Will snaffle these murderers and all that them beares.[725]I will surely neither byte nor suppe160Till I fetch him hether, this matter to take up.

Hodge.God morow, Gaffer Vicar.

D. Rat.Come on, fellow, let us heare!Thy dame hath sayd to me, thou knowest of all this geare;Lets see what thou canst saie.

D. Rat.Come on, fellow, let us heare!

Thy dame hath sayd to me, thou knowest of all this geare;

Lets see what thou canst saie.

Hodge.Bym fay, sir, that ye shall.What matter so ever there was done, ich can tell your maship [all]:

Hodge.Bym fay, sir, that ye shall.

What matter so ever there was done, ich can tell your maship [all]:

My Gammer Gurton heare, see now,5sat her downe at this doore, see now;And, as she began to stirre her, see now,her neele fell to the floore, see now;And while her staffe shee tooke, see now,at Gyb her cat to flynge, see now,10Her neele was lost in the floore, see now.Is not this a wondrous thing, see now?Then came the queane Dame Chat, see now,to aske for hir blacke cup, see now:And even here at this gate, see now,15she tooke that neele up, see now:My Gammer then she yeede,[719]see now,her neele againe to bring, see now,And was caught by the head, see now.Is not this a wondrous thing, see now?20She tare my Gammers cote, see now,and scratched hir by the face, see now;Chad thought shad stopt hir throte, see now.Is not this a wondrous case, see now?When ich saw this, ich was wrothe,[720]see now,25and start betwene them twaine, see now;Els ich durst take a booke othe, see now,my gammer had bene slaine, see now.

My Gammer Gurton heare, see now,5

sat her downe at this doore, see now;

And, as she began to stirre her, see now,

her neele fell to the floore, see now;

And while her staffe shee tooke, see now,

at Gyb her cat to flynge, see now,10

Her neele was lost in the floore, see now.

Is not this a wondrous thing, see now?

Then came the queane Dame Chat, see now,

to aske for hir blacke cup, see now:

And even here at this gate, see now,15

she tooke that neele up, see now:

My Gammer then she yeede,[719]see now,

her neele againe to bring, see now,

And was caught by the head, see now.

Is not this a wondrous thing, see now?20

She tare my Gammers cote, see now,

and scratched hir by the face, see now;

Chad thought shad stopt hir throte, see now.

Is not this a wondrous case, see now?

When ich saw this, ich was wrothe,[720]see now,25

and start betwene them twaine, see now;

Els ich durst take a booke othe, see now,

my gammer had bene slaine, see now.

Gammer.This is even the whole matter, as Hodge has plainly tolde;And chould faine be quiet for my part, that chould.30But help us, good Master, beseech ye that ye doo:Els shall we both be beaten and lose our neele too.

Gammer.This is even the whole matter, as Hodge has plainly tolde;

And chould faine be quiet for my part, that chould.30

But help us, good Master, beseech ye that ye doo:

Els shall we both be beaten and lose our neele too.

D. Rat.What wold ye have me to doo? tel me, that I were gone;I will do the best that I can, to set you both at one.But be ye sure Dame Chat hath this your neele founde?35

D. Rat.What wold ye have me to doo? tel me, that I were gone;

I will do the best that I can, to set you both at one.

But be ye sure Dame Chat hath this your neele founde?35

Gammer.Here comes the man that see hir take it up of the ground.Aske him your selfe, Master Rat, if ye beleve not me:And help me to my neele, for Gods sake and Saint Charitie!

Gammer.Here comes the man that see hir take it up of the ground.

Aske him your selfe, Master Rat, if ye beleve not me:

And help me to my neele, for Gods sake and Saint Charitie!

D. Rat.Come nere, Diccon, and let us heare what thou can expresse.Wilt thou be sworne thou seest Dame Chat this womans neele have?40

D. Rat.Come nere, Diccon, and let us heare what thou can expresse.

Wilt thou be sworne thou seest Dame Chat this womans neele have?40

Diccon.Nay, by S. Benit, wil I not, then might ye thinke me rave!

Gammer.Why, didst not thou tel me so even here? canst thou for shame deny it?

Diccon.I, mary, Gammer; but I said I would not abide by it.

D. Rat.Will you say a thing, and not sticke to it to trie it?

Diccon."Stick to it," quoth you, Master Rat? mary, sir, I defy it!45Nay, there is many an honest man, when he suche blastes hath blowneIn his freindes eares, he woulde be loth the same by him were knowne.If such a toy be used oft among the honestie,It may beseme a simple man of your and my degree.

Diccon."Stick to it," quoth you, Master Rat? mary, sir, I defy it!45

Nay, there is many an honest man, when he suche blastes hath blowne

In his freindes eares, he woulde be loth the same by him were knowne.

If such a toy be used oft among the honestie,

It may beseme a simple man of your and my degree.

D. Rat.Then we be never the nearer, for all that you can tell!50

Diccon.Yea, mary, sir, if ye will do by mine advise and counsaile.If Mother Chat se al us here, she knoweth how the matter goes;Therfore I red you three go hence, and within keepe close,And I will into Dame Chats house, and so the matter use,That or[721]you cold go twise to church I warant you here news.55She shall look wel about hir, but, I durst lay a pledge,Ye shal of Gammers neele have shortly better knowledge.

Diccon.Yea, mary, sir, if ye will do by mine advise and counsaile.

If Mother Chat se al us here, she knoweth how the matter goes;

Therfore I red you three go hence, and within keepe close,

And I will into Dame Chats house, and so the matter use,

That or[721]you cold go twise to church I warant you here news.55

She shall look wel about hir, but, I durst lay a pledge,

Ye shal of Gammers neele have shortly better knowledge.

Gammer.Now, gentle Diccon, do so, and, good sir, let us trudge.

D. Rat.By the masse, I may not tarry so long to be your judge.

Diccon.Tys but a little while, man; what! take so much paine!60If I here no newes of it, I wil come sooner againe.

Diccon.Tys but a little while, man; what! take so much paine!60

If I here no newes of it, I wil come sooner againe.

Hodge.Tary so much, good Master Doctor, of your gentlenes!

D. Rat.Then let us hie us inward, and, Diccon, speede thy busines.

Diccon.[722]Now, sirs, do you no more, but kepe my counsaile juste,And Doctor Rat shall thus catch some good, I trust.65But Mother Chat, my gossop, talke first with-all I must:For she must be chiefe captaine to lay the Rat in the dust.God deven, dame Chat, in faith, and wel met in this place!

Diccon.[722]Now, sirs, do you no more, but kepe my counsaile juste,

And Doctor Rat shall thus catch some good, I trust.65

But Mother Chat, my gossop, talke first with-all I must:

For she must be chiefe captaine to lay the Rat in the dust.

God deven, dame Chat, in faith, and wel met in this place!

Chat.God deven, my friend Diccon; whether walke ye this pace?

Diccon.By my truth, even to you, to learne how the world goeth.70Hard ye no more of the other matter? say me, now, by your troth!

Diccon.By my truth, even to you, to learne how the world goeth.70

Hard ye no more of the other matter? say me, now, by your troth!

Chat.O yes, Diccon, here the old hoore, and Hodge, that great knave—But, in faith, I would thou hadst sene,—O Lord, I drest them brave!She bare me two or three souses behind in the nape of the necke,Till I made hir olde wesen to answere againe, "kecke!"75And Hodge, that dirty dastard, that at hir elbow standes,—If one pair of legs had not bene worth two paire of hands,He had had his bearde shaven if my nayles wold have served,DijAnd not without a cause, for the knave it well deserved.

Chat.O yes, Diccon, here the old hoore, and Hodge, that great knave—

But, in faith, I would thou hadst sene,—O Lord, I drest them brave!

She bare me two or three souses behind in the nape of the necke,

Till I made hir olde wesen to answere againe, "kecke!"75

And Hodge, that dirty dastard, that at hir elbow standes,—

If one pair of legs had not bene worth two paire of hands,

He had had his bearde shaven if my nayles wold have served,Dij

And not without a cause, for the knave it well deserved.

Diccon.By the masse, I can the thank, wench, thou didst so wel acquite the!80

Chat.And thadst scene him, Diccon, it wold have made the beshite theFor laughter. The horsen dolt at last caught up a club,As though he would have slaine the master devil Belsabub.But I set him soone inwarde.

Chat.And thadst scene him, Diccon, it wold have made the beshite the

For laughter. The horsen dolt at last caught up a club,

As though he would have slaine the master devil Belsabub.

But I set him soone inwarde.

Diccon.O Lorde, there is the thingThat Hodge is so offended! that makes him start and flyng!85

Diccon.O Lorde, there is the thing

That Hodge is so offended! that makes him start and flyng!85

Chat.Why? makes the knave any moyling, as ye have seen or hard?

Diccon.Even now I sawe him last, like a mad man he farde,And sware by heven and hell he would awreake his sorowe,And leve you never a hen on live, by eight of the clock to morow;Therfore marke what I say, and my wordes see that ye trust.90Your hens be as good as dead, if ye leave them on the ruste.

Diccon.Even now I sawe him last, like a mad man he farde,

And sware by heven and hell he would awreake his sorowe,

And leve you never a hen on live, by eight of the clock to morow;

Therfore marke what I say, and my wordes see that ye trust.90

Your hens be as good as dead, if ye leave them on the ruste.

Chat.The knave dare as well go hang himself, as go upon my ground.

Diccon.Wel, yet take hede I say, I must tel you my tale round.Have you not about your house, behind your furnace or leade[723]A hole where a crafty knave may crepe in for neade?95

Diccon.Wel, yet take hede I say, I must tel you my tale round.

Have you not about your house, behind your furnace or leade[723]

A hole where a crafty knave may crepe in for neade?95

Chat.Yes, by the masse, a hole broke down, even within these two dayes.

Diccon.Hodge he intends this same night to slip in there awayes.

Chat.O Christ! that I were sure of it! in faith he shuld have his mede!

Diccon.Watch wel, for the knave wil be there as sure as is your crede.I wold spend my selfe a shilling to have him swinged well.100

Diccon.Watch wel, for the knave wil be there as sure as is your crede.

I wold spend my selfe a shilling to have him swinged well.100

Chat.I am as glad as a woman can be of this thing to here tell.By Gogs bones, when he commeth, now that I know the matter,He shal sure at the first skip to leape in scalding water,With a worse turne besides; when he will, let him come.

Chat.I am as glad as a woman can be of this thing to here tell.

By Gogs bones, when he commeth, now that I know the matter,

He shal sure at the first skip to leape in scalding water,

With a worse turne besides; when he will, let him come.

Diccon.I tell you as my sister; you know what meaneth "mum"![724]Now lacke I but my doctor to play his part againe.106And lo where he commeth towards, peradventure to his paine!

Diccon.I tell you as my sister; you know what meaneth "mum"!

[724]Now lacke I but my doctor to play his part againe.106

And lo where he commeth towards, peradventure to his paine!

D. Rat.What good newes, Diccon, fellow? is Mother Chat at home?

Diccon.She is, syr, and she is not, but it please her to whome;Yet did I take her tardy, as subtle as she was.110

Diccon.She is, syr, and she is not, but it please her to whome;

Yet did I take her tardy, as subtle as she was.110

D. Rat.The thing that thou wentst for, hast thou brought it to passe?

Diccon.I have done that I have done, be it worse, be it better,And Dame Chat at her wyts ende I have almost set her.

Diccon.I have done that I have done, be it worse, be it better,

And Dame Chat at her wyts ende I have almost set her.

D. Rat.Why, hast thou spied the neele? quickly, I pray thee, tell!

Diccon.I have spyed it, in faith, sir, I handled my selfe so well;115And yet the crafty queane had almost take my trumpe.But or all came to an ende, I set her in a dumpe.

Diccon.I have spyed it, in faith, sir, I handled my selfe so well;115

And yet the crafty queane had almost take my trumpe.

But or all came to an ende, I set her in a dumpe.

D. Rat.How so, I pray thee, Diccon?

Diccon.Mary, syr, will ye heare?She was clapt downe on the backside, by Cocks mother dere,And there she sat sewing a halter or a bande,120With no other thing save Gammers nedle in her hande.As soone as any knocke, if the filth be in doubte,She needes but once puffe, and her candle is out:Now I, sir, knowing of every doore the pin,Came nycely, and said no worde, till time I was within;125And there I sawe the neele, even with these two eyes;Who ever say the contrary, I will sweare he lyes.

Diccon.Mary, syr, will ye heare?

She was clapt downe on the backside, by Cocks mother dere,

And there she sat sewing a halter or a bande,120

With no other thing save Gammers nedle in her hande.

As soone as any knocke, if the filth be in doubte,

She needes but once puffe, and her candle is out:

Now I, sir, knowing of every doore the pin,

Came nycely, and said no worde, till time I was within;125

And there I sawe the neele, even with these two eyes;

Who ever say the contrary, I will sweare he lyes.

D. Rat.O Diccon, that I was not there then in thy steade!

Diccon.Well, if ye will be ordred, and do by my reade,I will bring you to a place, as the house standes,130Where ye shall take the drab with the neele in hir handes.

Diccon.Well, if ye will be ordred, and do by my reade,

I will bring you to a place, as the house standes,130

Where ye shall take the drab with the neele in hir handes.

D. Rat.For Gods sake do so, Diccon, and I will gage my gowneTo geve thee a full pot of the best ale in the towne.

D. Rat.For Gods sake do so, Diccon, and I will gage my gowne

To geve thee a full pot of the best ale in the towne.

Diccon.Follow me but a litle, and marke what I will say;Lay downe your gown beside you; go to, come on your way!135Se ye not what is here? a hole wherin ye may creepeInto the house, and sodenly unwares among them leape;There shal ye finde the bitchfox and the neele together.Do as I bid you, man, come on your wayes hether!

Diccon.Follow me but a litle, and marke what I will say;

Lay downe your gown beside you; go to, come on your way!135

Se ye not what is here? a hole wherin ye may creepe

Into the house, and sodenly unwares among them leape;

There shal ye finde the bitchfox and the neele together.

Do as I bid you, man, come on your wayes hether!

D. Rat.Art thou sure, Diccon, the swil-tub standes not here aboute?140

Diccon.I was within my selfe, man, even now, there is no doubt.Go softly, make no noyse; give me your foote, Sir John.Here will I waite upon you, tyl you come out anone.

Diccon.I was within my selfe, man, even now, there is no doubt.

Go softly, make no noyse; give me your foote, Sir John.

Here will I waite upon you, tyl you come out anone.

D. Rat.Helpe, Diccon! out, alas! I shal be slaine among them!

Diccon.If they give you not the nedle, tel them that ye will hang them.145Ware that! Hoow, my wenches! have ye caught the FoxeThat used to make revel among your hennes an Cocks?Save his life yet for his order, though he susteine some paine.Gogs bread! I am afraide they wil beate out his braine.

Diccon.If they give you not the nedle, tel them that ye will hang them.145

Ware that! Hoow, my wenches! have ye caught the Foxe

That used to make revel among your hennes an Cocks?

Save his life yet for his order, though he susteine some paine.

Gogs bread! I am afraide they wil beate out his braine.

D. Rat.Wo worth the houre that I came heare!150And wo worth him that wrought this geare!A sort of drabs and queanes have me blest—Was ever creature halfe so evill drest?Who ever it wrought, and first did invent itHe shall, I warrant him, erre long repent it!155I will spend all I have without my skinneDiiiBut he shall be brought to the plight I am in!Master Bayly, I trow, and he be worth his eares,Will snaffle these murderers and all that them beares.[725]I will surely neither byte nor suppe160Till I fetch him hether, this matter to take up.

D. Rat.Wo worth the houre that I came heare!150

And wo worth him that wrought this geare!

A sort of drabs and queanes have me blest—

Was ever creature halfe so evill drest?

Who ever it wrought, and first did invent it

He shall, I warrant him, erre long repent it!155

I will spend all I have without my skinneDiii

But he shall be brought to the plight I am in!

Master Bayly, I trow, and he be worth his eares,

Will snaffle these murderers and all that them beares.[725]

I will surely neither byte nor suppe160

Till I fetch him hether, this matter to take up.

Master Bayly. Doctor Rat.

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