Bayly.I can perceive none other, I speke it from my hart,But either ye ar in al the fault, or els in the greatest part.D. Rat.If it be counted his fault, besides all his greeves,When a poore man is spoyled and beaten among theeves,Then I confess my fault herein, at this season;5But I hope you will not judge so much against reason.Bayly.And, me thinkes, by your owne tale, of all that ye name,If any plaid the theefe, you were the very same.The women they did nothing, as your words make probation,But stoutly withstood your forcible invasion.10If that a theefe at your window to enter should begin,Wold you hold forth your hand and helpe to pull him in?Or you wold kepe him out? I pray you answere me.D. Rat.Mary, kepe him out, and a good cause why!But I am no theefe, sir, but an honest learned clarke.15Bayly.Yea, but who knoweth that, when he meets you in the darke?I am sure your learning shines not out at your nose!Was it any marvaile though the poore woman aroseAnd start up, being afraide of that was in hir purse?Me thinke you may be glad that you[r] lucke was no worse.20D. Rat.Is not this evill ynough, I pray you, as you thinke?
Bayly.I can perceive none other, I speke it from my hart,But either ye ar in al the fault, or els in the greatest part.
Bayly.I can perceive none other, I speke it from my hart,
But either ye ar in al the fault, or els in the greatest part.
D. Rat.If it be counted his fault, besides all his greeves,When a poore man is spoyled and beaten among theeves,Then I confess my fault herein, at this season;5But I hope you will not judge so much against reason.
D. Rat.If it be counted his fault, besides all his greeves,
When a poore man is spoyled and beaten among theeves,
Then I confess my fault herein, at this season;5
But I hope you will not judge so much against reason.
Bayly.And, me thinkes, by your owne tale, of all that ye name,If any plaid the theefe, you were the very same.The women they did nothing, as your words make probation,But stoutly withstood your forcible invasion.10If that a theefe at your window to enter should begin,Wold you hold forth your hand and helpe to pull him in?Or you wold kepe him out? I pray you answere me.
Bayly.And, me thinkes, by your owne tale, of all that ye name,
If any plaid the theefe, you were the very same.
The women they did nothing, as your words make probation,
But stoutly withstood your forcible invasion.10
If that a theefe at your window to enter should begin,
Wold you hold forth your hand and helpe to pull him in?
Or you wold kepe him out? I pray you answere me.
D. Rat.Mary, kepe him out, and a good cause why!But I am no theefe, sir, but an honest learned clarke.15
D. Rat.Mary, kepe him out, and a good cause why!
But I am no theefe, sir, but an honest learned clarke.15
Bayly.Yea, but who knoweth that, when he meets you in the darke?I am sure your learning shines not out at your nose!Was it any marvaile though the poore woman aroseAnd start up, being afraide of that was in hir purse?Me thinke you may be glad that you[r] lucke was no worse.20
Bayly.Yea, but who knoweth that, when he meets you in the darke?
I am sure your learning shines not out at your nose!
Was it any marvaile though the poore woman arose
And start up, being afraide of that was in hir purse?
Me thinke you may be glad that you[r] lucke was no worse.20
D. Rat.Is not this evill ynough, I pray you, as you thinke?
D. Rat.Is not this evill ynough, I pray you, as you thinke?
(Showing his broken head.)
Bayly.Yea, but a man in the darke, if[726]chaunces do wincke,As soone he smites his father as any other man,Because for lacke of light discerne him he ne can.Might it not have ben your lucke with a spit to have ben slaine?25D. Rat.I think I am litle better, my scalpe is cloven to the braine.If there be all the remedy, I know who beares the k[n]ockes.Bayly.By my troth, and well worthy besides to kisse the stockes!To come in on the backe side, when ye might go about!I know non such, unles they long to have their braines knockt out.30D. Rat.Well, wil you be so good, sir, as talke with Dame Chat,And know what she intended? I aske no more but that.Bayly.Let her be called, fellow,[727]because of Master Doctor,I warrant in this case she wil be hir owne proctor;She will tel hir owne tale in metter or in prose,35And byd you seeke your remedy, and so go wype your nose.
Bayly.Yea, but a man in the darke, if[726]chaunces do wincke,As soone he smites his father as any other man,Because for lacke of light discerne him he ne can.Might it not have ben your lucke with a spit to have ben slaine?25
Bayly.Yea, but a man in the darke, if[726]chaunces do wincke,
As soone he smites his father as any other man,
Because for lacke of light discerne him he ne can.
Might it not have ben your lucke with a spit to have ben slaine?25
D. Rat.I think I am litle better, my scalpe is cloven to the braine.If there be all the remedy, I know who beares the k[n]ockes.
D. Rat.I think I am litle better, my scalpe is cloven to the braine.
If there be all the remedy, I know who beares the k[n]ockes.
Bayly.By my troth, and well worthy besides to kisse the stockes!To come in on the backe side, when ye might go about!I know non such, unles they long to have their braines knockt out.30
Bayly.By my troth, and well worthy besides to kisse the stockes!
To come in on the backe side, when ye might go about!
I know non such, unles they long to have their braines knockt out.30
D. Rat.Well, wil you be so good, sir, as talke with Dame Chat,And know what she intended? I aske no more but that.
D. Rat.Well, wil you be so good, sir, as talke with Dame Chat,
And know what she intended? I aske no more but that.
Bayly.Let her be called, fellow,[727]because of Master Doctor,I warrant in this case she wil be hir owne proctor;She will tel hir owne tale in metter or in prose,35And byd you seeke your remedy, and so go wype your nose.
Bayly.Let her be called, fellow,[727]because of Master Doctor,
I warrant in this case she wil be hir owne proctor;
She will tel hir owne tale in metter or in prose,35
And byd you seeke your remedy, and so go wype your nose.
M. Bayly. Chat. D. Rat. Gammer. Hodge. Diccon.
Bayly.Dame Chat, Master Doctor upon you here complainedThat you and your maides shuld him much misorder,And taketh many an oth, that no word he fained,Laying to your charge, how you thought him to murder;And on his part againe, that same man saith furder5He never offended you in word nor intent.To heare you answer hereto, we have now for you sent.Chat.That I wold have murdered him? fye on him, wretch,And evil mought he thee[728]for it, our Lord I beseech.I will swere on al the bookes that opens and shuttes,10He faineth this tale out of his owne guttes;For this seven weekes with me I am sure he sat not downe.Nay, ye have other minions, in the other end of the towne,Where ye were liker to catch such a blow,Then any where els, as farre as I know!15Bayly.Belike, then, Master Doctor, yon[729]stripe there ye got not!D. Rat.Thinke you I am so mad that where I was bet I wot not?Wil ye beleve this queane, before she hath tryd it?It is not the first dede she hath done, and afterward denide it.Chat.What, man, will you say I broke you[r] heade?20D. Rat.How canst thou prove the contrary?Chat.Nay, how provest thou that I did the deade?D. Rat.To plainly, by S. Mary,This profe I trow may serve, though I no word spoke!
Bayly.Dame Chat, Master Doctor upon you here complainedThat you and your maides shuld him much misorder,And taketh many an oth, that no word he fained,Laying to your charge, how you thought him to murder;And on his part againe, that same man saith furder5He never offended you in word nor intent.To heare you answer hereto, we have now for you sent.
Bayly.Dame Chat, Master Doctor upon you here complained
That you and your maides shuld him much misorder,
And taketh many an oth, that no word he fained,
Laying to your charge, how you thought him to murder;
And on his part againe, that same man saith furder5
He never offended you in word nor intent.
To heare you answer hereto, we have now for you sent.
Chat.That I wold have murdered him? fye on him, wretch,And evil mought he thee[728]for it, our Lord I beseech.I will swere on al the bookes that opens and shuttes,10He faineth this tale out of his owne guttes;For this seven weekes with me I am sure he sat not downe.Nay, ye have other minions, in the other end of the towne,Where ye were liker to catch such a blow,Then any where els, as farre as I know!15
Chat.That I wold have murdered him? fye on him, wretch,
And evil mought he thee[728]for it, our Lord I beseech.
I will swere on al the bookes that opens and shuttes,10
He faineth this tale out of his owne guttes;
For this seven weekes with me I am sure he sat not downe.
Nay, ye have other minions, in the other end of the towne,
Where ye were liker to catch such a blow,
Then any where els, as farre as I know!15
Bayly.Belike, then, Master Doctor, yon[729]stripe there ye got not!
Bayly.Belike, then, Master Doctor, yon[729]stripe there ye got not!
D. Rat.Thinke you I am so mad that where I was bet I wot not?Wil ye beleve this queane, before she hath tryd it?It is not the first dede she hath done, and afterward denide it.
D. Rat.Thinke you I am so mad that where I was bet I wot not?
Wil ye beleve this queane, before she hath tryd it?
It is not the first dede she hath done, and afterward denide it.
Chat.What, man, will you say I broke you[r] heade?20
Chat.What, man, will you say I broke you[r] heade?20
D. Rat.How canst thou prove the contrary?
D. Rat.How canst thou prove the contrary?
Chat.Nay, how provest thou that I did the deade?
Chat.Nay, how provest thou that I did the deade?
D. Rat.To plainly, by S. Mary,This profe I trow may serve, though I no word spoke!
D. Rat.To plainly, by S. Mary,
This profe I trow may serve, though I no word spoke!
(Showing his broken head.)Div
Chat.Bicause thy head is broken, was it I that it broke?25I saw thee, Rat, I tel thee, not once within this fortnight.D. Rat.No mary, thou sawest me not, for why thou hadst no light;But I felt thee for al the darke, beshrew thy smothe cheekes!And thou groped me, this wil declare any day this six weekes.
Chat.Bicause thy head is broken, was it I that it broke?25I saw thee, Rat, I tel thee, not once within this fortnight.
Chat.Bicause thy head is broken, was it I that it broke?25
I saw thee, Rat, I tel thee, not once within this fortnight.
D. Rat.No mary, thou sawest me not, for why thou hadst no light;But I felt thee for al the darke, beshrew thy smothe cheekes!And thou groped me, this wil declare any day this six weekes.
D. Rat.No mary, thou sawest me not, for why thou hadst no light;
But I felt thee for al the darke, beshrew thy smothe cheekes!
And thou groped me, this wil declare any day this six weekes.
(Showing his heade.)
Bayly.Answere me to this, M[ast] Rat: when caught you this harme of yours?30D. Rat.A while ago, sir, God he knoweth, within les then these two houres.Bayly.Dame Chat, was there none with you (confesse, i-faith) about that season?What, woman? let it be what it wil, tis neither felony nor treason.Chat.Yea, by my faith, master Bayly, there was a knave not farreWho caught one good philup on the brow with a dore barre,35And well was he worthy, as it semed to mee;But what is that to this man, since this was not hee?Bayly.Who was it then? Lets here!D. Rat.Alas sir, aske you that?Is it not made plain inough by the owne mouth of Dame Chat?The time agreeth, my head is broken, her tong can not lye,40Onely upon a bare nay she saith it was not I.Chat.No, mary, was it not indeede! ye shal here by this one thing:This after noone a frend of mine for good wil gave me warning,And bade me wel loke to my ruste,[730]and al my capons pennes,For if I toke not better heede, a knave wold have my hennes.45Then I, to save my goods, toke so much pains as him to watch;And as good fortune served me, it was my chaunce hym for to catch.What strokes he bare away, or other what was his gaines,I wot not, but sure I am he had something for his paines!Bayly.Yet telles thou not who it was.Chat.Who it was? a false theefe,50That came like a false foxe my pullaine[731]to kil and mischeefe!Bayly.But knowest thou not his name?Chat.I know it; but what than?It was that crafty cullyon Hodge, my Gammer Gurtons man.Bayly.Cal me the knave hether, he shal sure kysse the stockes.I shall teach him a lesson for filching hens or cocks!55D. Rat.I marvaile, Master Bayly, so bleared be your eyes;An egge is not so ful of meate, as she is ful of lyes:When she hath playd this pranke, to excuse al this geare,She layeth the fault in such a one, as I know was not there.Chat.Was he not thear? loke on his pate, that shal be his witnes!60D. Rat.I wold my head were half so hole; I wold seeke no redresse!Bayly.God blesse you, Gammer Gurton!Gammer.God dylde you,[732]master mine!Bayly.Thou hast a knave within thy house—Hodge, a servant of thine;They tel me that busy knave is such a filching one,That hen, pig, goose or capon, thy neighbour can have none.65Gammer.By God, cham much ameved,[733]to heare any such reporte!Hodge was not wont, ich trow, to have[734]him in that sort.Chat.A theevisher knave is not on live, more filching, nor more false;Many a truer man then he hase hanged up by the halse;[735]And thou, his dame,—of al his theft thou art the sole receaver;[736]70For Hodge to catch, and thou to kepe, I never knew none better!Gammer.Sir reverence[737]of your masterdome, and you were out adoore,Chold be so bolde, for al hir brags, to cal her arrant whoore;And ich knew Hodge as bad as tow,[738]ich wish me endlesse sorowAnd chould not take the pains to hang him up before to morow!75Chat.What have I stolne from the or thine, thou ilfavored olde trot?Gammer.A great deale more, by Gods blest, then chever by the got!That thou knowest wel, I neade not say it.Bayly.Stoppe there, I say,And tel me here, I pray you, this matter by the way,How chaunce Hodge is not here? him wold I faine have had.80Gammer.Alas, sir, heel be here anon; ha be handled to bad.Chat.Master Bayly, sir, ye be not such a foole, wel I know,But ye perceive by this lingring there is a pad[739]in the straw.
Bayly.Answere me to this, M[ast] Rat: when caught you this harme of yours?30
Bayly.Answere me to this, M[ast] Rat: when caught you this harme of yours?30
D. Rat.A while ago, sir, God he knoweth, within les then these two houres.
D. Rat.A while ago, sir, God he knoweth, within les then these two houres.
Bayly.Dame Chat, was there none with you (confesse, i-faith) about that season?What, woman? let it be what it wil, tis neither felony nor treason.
Bayly.Dame Chat, was there none with you (confesse, i-faith) about that season?
What, woman? let it be what it wil, tis neither felony nor treason.
Chat.Yea, by my faith, master Bayly, there was a knave not farreWho caught one good philup on the brow with a dore barre,35And well was he worthy, as it semed to mee;But what is that to this man, since this was not hee?
Chat.Yea, by my faith, master Bayly, there was a knave not farre
Who caught one good philup on the brow with a dore barre,35
And well was he worthy, as it semed to mee;
But what is that to this man, since this was not hee?
Bayly.Who was it then? Lets here!
Bayly.Who was it then? Lets here!
D. Rat.Alas sir, aske you that?Is it not made plain inough by the owne mouth of Dame Chat?The time agreeth, my head is broken, her tong can not lye,40Onely upon a bare nay she saith it was not I.
D. Rat.Alas sir, aske you that?
Is it not made plain inough by the owne mouth of Dame Chat?
The time agreeth, my head is broken, her tong can not lye,40
Onely upon a bare nay she saith it was not I.
Chat.No, mary, was it not indeede! ye shal here by this one thing:This after noone a frend of mine for good wil gave me warning,And bade me wel loke to my ruste,[730]and al my capons pennes,For if I toke not better heede, a knave wold have my hennes.45Then I, to save my goods, toke so much pains as him to watch;And as good fortune served me, it was my chaunce hym for to catch.What strokes he bare away, or other what was his gaines,I wot not, but sure I am he had something for his paines!
Chat.No, mary, was it not indeede! ye shal here by this one thing:
This after noone a frend of mine for good wil gave me warning,
And bade me wel loke to my ruste,[730]and al my capons pennes,
For if I toke not better heede, a knave wold have my hennes.45
Then I, to save my goods, toke so much pains as him to watch;
And as good fortune served me, it was my chaunce hym for to catch.
What strokes he bare away, or other what was his gaines,
I wot not, but sure I am he had something for his paines!
Bayly.Yet telles thou not who it was.
Bayly.Yet telles thou not who it was.
Chat.Who it was? a false theefe,50That came like a false foxe my pullaine[731]to kil and mischeefe!
Chat.Who it was? a false theefe,50
That came like a false foxe my pullaine[731]to kil and mischeefe!
Bayly.But knowest thou not his name?
Bayly.But knowest thou not his name?
Chat.I know it; but what than?It was that crafty cullyon Hodge, my Gammer Gurtons man.
Chat.I know it; but what than?
It was that crafty cullyon Hodge, my Gammer Gurtons man.
Bayly.Cal me the knave hether, he shal sure kysse the stockes.I shall teach him a lesson for filching hens or cocks!55
Bayly.Cal me the knave hether, he shal sure kysse the stockes.
I shall teach him a lesson for filching hens or cocks!55
D. Rat.I marvaile, Master Bayly, so bleared be your eyes;An egge is not so ful of meate, as she is ful of lyes:When she hath playd this pranke, to excuse al this geare,She layeth the fault in such a one, as I know was not there.
D. Rat.I marvaile, Master Bayly, so bleared be your eyes;
An egge is not so ful of meate, as she is ful of lyes:
When she hath playd this pranke, to excuse al this geare,
She layeth the fault in such a one, as I know was not there.
Chat.Was he not thear? loke on his pate, that shal be his witnes!60
Chat.Was he not thear? loke on his pate, that shal be his witnes!60
D. Rat.I wold my head were half so hole; I wold seeke no redresse!
D. Rat.I wold my head were half so hole; I wold seeke no redresse!
Bayly.God blesse you, Gammer Gurton!
Bayly.God blesse you, Gammer Gurton!
Gammer.God dylde you,[732]master mine!
Gammer.God dylde you,[732]master mine!
Bayly.Thou hast a knave within thy house—Hodge, a servant of thine;They tel me that busy knave is such a filching one,That hen, pig, goose or capon, thy neighbour can have none.65
Bayly.Thou hast a knave within thy house—Hodge, a servant of thine;
They tel me that busy knave is such a filching one,
That hen, pig, goose or capon, thy neighbour can have none.65
Gammer.By God, cham much ameved,[733]to heare any such reporte!Hodge was not wont, ich trow, to have[734]him in that sort.
Gammer.By God, cham much ameved,[733]to heare any such reporte!
Hodge was not wont, ich trow, to have[734]him in that sort.
Chat.A theevisher knave is not on live, more filching, nor more false;Many a truer man then he hase hanged up by the halse;[735]And thou, his dame,—of al his theft thou art the sole receaver;[736]70For Hodge to catch, and thou to kepe, I never knew none better!
Chat.A theevisher knave is not on live, more filching, nor more false;
Many a truer man then he hase hanged up by the halse;[735]
And thou, his dame,—of al his theft thou art the sole receaver;[736]70
For Hodge to catch, and thou to kepe, I never knew none better!
Gammer.Sir reverence[737]of your masterdome, and you were out adoore,Chold be so bolde, for al hir brags, to cal her arrant whoore;And ich knew Hodge as bad as tow,[738]ich wish me endlesse sorowAnd chould not take the pains to hang him up before to morow!75
Gammer.Sir reverence[737]of your masterdome, and you were out adoore,
Chold be so bolde, for al hir brags, to cal her arrant whoore;
And ich knew Hodge as bad as tow,[738]ich wish me endlesse sorow
And chould not take the pains to hang him up before to morow!75
Chat.What have I stolne from the or thine, thou ilfavored olde trot?
Chat.What have I stolne from the or thine, thou ilfavored olde trot?
Gammer.A great deale more, by Gods blest, then chever by the got!That thou knowest wel, I neade not say it.
Gammer.A great deale more, by Gods blest, then chever by the got!
That thou knowest wel, I neade not say it.
Bayly.Stoppe there, I say,And tel me here, I pray you, this matter by the way,How chaunce Hodge is not here? him wold I faine have had.80
Bayly.Stoppe there, I say,
And tel me here, I pray you, this matter by the way,
How chaunce Hodge is not here? him wold I faine have had.80
Gammer.Alas, sir, heel be here anon; ha be handled to bad.
Gammer.Alas, sir, heel be here anon; ha be handled to bad.
Chat.Master Bayly, sir, ye be not such a foole, wel I know,But ye perceive by this lingring there is a pad[739]in the straw.
Chat.Master Bayly, sir, ye be not such a foole, wel I know,
But ye perceive by this lingring there is a pad[739]in the straw.
(Thinking that Hodg his head was broke, and that Gammer wold not let him come before them.)