"Nothing in my hand I bring;Simply to thy cross I cling."
"Nothing in my hand I bring;Simply to thy cross I cling."
"Nothing in my hand I bring;
Simply to thy cross I cling."
Then he taught me that love does not depend upon emotion; that so far as God isconcerned, it is a free gift to us; that in order for us to enjoy it we must accept it as our own. The acceptance depends upon our will and decision in the matter, and not upon our feelings. To illustrate: If a person does much for me that is hard and difficult for him, willingly makes many sacrifices for me, without any hope of reward, I conclude that he loves me far better than the one who does much for me for which he receives or expects remuneration. Nowhere does the Bible command us tofeellike obeying the Lord; nowhere is it even suggested that we shouldfeellike loving him. But we do find that God's pleasure rests upon those who "willdo his will" (John 7:17), and we do have this definition of love: "This is the love of God, that we keep his commandments." Feelings have nothing to do with the keeping of God's commands. Of course, it is more pleasant to us to do what we feel inclined to do, but it does not necessarily give more pleasure to God. If we obey God because he is God and because it is right to obey him,we act from pure love, and the pleasure God feels toward such service will in time be poured out upon the soul in streams of love, and there will be all the feeling desired.
Thus, I saw that if I willed to love God and acted as nearly as possible as I should act if I felt the glow of his love in my heart, this was more acceptable to him than the same service would be if rendered because my feelings prompted me to do it.
In acting upon this truth, I was often accused of being a hypocrite, because my prayers, my manifestations of love and interest in others, and whatever I did for the Lord, seemed unreal and strained. Here, however, faith came to my rescue, enabling me to say to Satan: "No, I am not a hypocrite. I know that I do not feel like doing what I am doing; I know that I am not getting any particular pleasure out of it. But I do not deserve any pleasure, and I shall continue to do the best I can to prove to God that I do love him and am trying to give him pleasure.If he never sees fit to give me back again the joy which I formerly had in his service, that is his business. Mine is to love and serve. Let him do as he will with his own."
It was all very dry and hard at first, for the old doubts about being his when I did not feel his presence, knocked hard for admittance; but I was enabled to meet them always with the same confidence: "I can not doubt that he loves me now, whether I seem to love him or not; for did he not 'love me and give himself for me' when I was not trying to serve him at all? Anyway, my salvation does not depend upon my love for him, but upon his for me. But I WILL love him and prove it by trusting and obeying him. This is all I can do; the rest I leave with him." The test was a long one, and a lesson that I shall not forget.
When, at last, God saw that I would ask only for ability to satisfy and please him, whether I felt pleased and satisfied or not, there came into my soul gradually light and joy, and oh! such a sweet sense of his presence. Praise his name! The love and othergraces I then felt in my soul, I could not boast of, however, for they all came from and belonged to him; and when I was enabled again to bow before him with a sweet sense of love and reverence, I felt that in adoring and loving him, I was not bringing to him something of my own, but only returning to him that which he had given me. I felt as I had not for years that
"The graces within are not mine;For the love and the power and the gloryBelong to the Savior divine."
"The graces within are not mine;For the love and the power and the gloryBelong to the Savior divine."
"The graces within are not mine;
For the love and the power and the glory
Belong to the Savior divine."
One other point of which I must speak in this connection is the difficulty I experienced in endeavoring to locate myself spiritually when in the midst of the confusion I have described. Could I be saved at all when in such a state? Did I need to repent, or only try to do better? Were my careless actions and thoughtless words sins, or only mistakes? Fortunately, I was advised not to try to figure out so carefully what was sin and what was not, but to present to Jesusanything that troubled me, and to trust him implicitly to work in me the victory that I needed. By humbly confessing my weakness and claiming the promise of Phil. 2:13, "For it is God that worketh in you both to will and to do his good pleasure," I was enabled to gain victory almost immediately over many faults and failures with which I had wrestled long and over which I could never have gotten victory if I had spent my time picking every failure to pieces to find out whether it was something of which I needed to repent as a sin or only a mistake. I felt that God was pleased to have me humbly confess and trustingly turn over to him for correction any and every error whether it seemed to me serious or not.
It would take too much space to tell here of all the changes which were wrought in me by these experiences. Suffice it to say that life has been different ever since. Not that I have always felt the Lord just as near, for he has needed to remind me of the lessons I have recorded and to teach me others; but whether he seems near or far, Satanhas never succeeded in making me fear and doubt. I have learned that whether God leads in light or in darkness, he IS leading and I have nothing to fear. If darkness comes upon me, it is for a purpose, and I can wait patiently upon him until he makes that purpose known. Submissively to wait and patiently to trust in him till he reveals his purposes is my part. His part is to lead and take care of me, and this, I am sure, he will do unto the end. Therefore I have no responsibility except to go on obeying and trusting him. Whatever bothers or troubles me in myself or others I lay at his feet, expecting him to give me victory if the trouble be in myself, or to bring it out in his own good way if it be in others. And thus my soul has reached and abides in that "wealthy place" where no harm can ever come and where the soul is kept in perfect peace.
EXPERIENCE NUMBER 14
For the glory of God and the encouragement of others I wish to testify against the evil of faultfinding. Soon after the beginning of my Christian experience, about twelve years ago, I was severely harassed by this adversary of my soul. So cunningly were my eyes blinded to my real condition that I was almost overwhelmed at times through the workings of this dangerous influence.
At times I would be almost free from it, but very much of the time I seemed to have a peculiar faculty of finding the mote in the eyes of others and was never aware of the beam in my own eye. I could see so much to pick at in some brethren that there was no time left for me to step aside and occasionally take myself into account and see myself as others saw me. I thought I could conduct some affairs over which others had charge, so much better than they were being conducted, that I was at timesuncomfortable because I did not have a chance to show what I could do. It is needless to say that during the time that I was a prey to this wicked spirit, I had little, if any, spiritual life; but I tried to convince myself that I was doing quite well. There was, however, a blank or a real lack in my Christian life, because I had not learned to be an ideal Christian in humility before God and meekness towards my fellow men.
As soon as I passed through enough sad experiences to make me the happy possessor of a willing spirit, I began to realize that I was learning the necessary lessons and through these trials and tribulations I began to have a little understanding of the cause and root of my trouble.
There were three happenings that aided in awakening me to my need. The first one was a few years ago, when I received from a brother a letter in which he said, "Brother, you need continuity." That reproof found its place in my heart, and the first seed was sown toward a harvest of willingness. Although it brought no immediateresults, yet it stayed by me and was very prominent before me many times.
The second lesson was brought to me through a sermon. The sister who delivered the sermon related the experience of a brother who had years of difficulty in regard to finding fault with others, and who finally concluded that the trouble was more with him than with those he criticized. I began to see my own case a little clearer, but I did not fully learn the lesson until sometime later.
My third lesson came in the following manner: A brother in whom I had some confidence came to my home and asked for a position, which I secured for him. We admitted him into our home for his comfort as well as for our pleasure spiritually, as we supposed he would be a help to us. It was not long, however, until it seemed there was nothing that escaped his faultfinding. He saw mountains of fault with us and our children. At last I saw in his case a picture of what I myself had done during the past, but I had banished from my life allthoughts of ever again being influenced by such a faultfinding spirit. Never before had I been able to see the picture of my former condition as I saw it when fully manifested in the life of this brother.
Although it had been my desire and no doubt his full intention to do what was right, nevertheless this evil habit, if I may call it such, had gained such a foothold in my life and in his life as to be a hindrance to our own spiritual progress and a stumbling-block in the way of others. This habit of faultfinding by those who are claiming to be children of God has caused them to wander from the true paths of righteousness into forbidden paths, and also to turn many others from the path that leads to everlasting life.
It is with much gratitude to God that I undertake to tell of my deliverance from that great barrier and hindrance to my spiritual progress. When I came to the point where I humbled my heart before the Lord and let him turn the searchlight upon me, the faults in others were not so great, butmine had seemed to climb mountain high. It was with a determination and positive decision to turn from such things; and the Lord, understanding my intentions in regard to those things, took note of my humility of heart and delivered me, for which I give him all the praise and glory. May the dear Lord help us all to bear with each other, and forbear complaining, even though it may at times seem necessary. I am sure it will bring about a great measure of the grace of God.
EXPERIENCE NUMBER 15
When I think of the great mercy and love of God that follows after a soul and remember that he knows all about the thoughts and intents of the heart, truly I stand in awe before him. Since he knows all and has all power, can we not trust him when we give ourselves into his hands to be molded into his image to shine for him?
"Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven, but he that doeth the will of my Father." Every one who will give all into his hands will be brought through the fire, according to Zech. 13:9—"And I will bring a third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The Lord is my God." In telling some experiences in the furnace-flames, I wish to lose sight of everythingexcept to be a help and encouragement to those who are in trial.
In writing my experience, I shall find it necessary to make mention of some of the sad things concerning my husband, a fact which I very much regret. But I trust that dear souls will take warning and realize that there is no limit to the work of the enemy when once he gains possession. I shall never cease to be thankful for the first copies of a paper called the Gospel Trumpet I ever saw. Through my reading them, conviction was sent to my soul by the Spirit of God; but being unwilling to meet the necessary conditions, I resisted the convictions and put the papers aside.
Some months afterwards while searching for something, I came across those papers, and immediately that same conviction returned, but again I resisted it. My health failed, and I continued to decline until I was almost in the jaws of death. Physicians could do nothing for me. During this time God was doing his best to get me to understand that if I would give up he would saveand heal me. At last I yielded, and he saved my soul and healed me, and from that day until this, which has been more than eighteen years, I have been fascinated by the charms of a Christian life.
For a long time I did not meet with any persecution in my home, as my husband saw the light of the gospel and believed it to be the truth, but was not willing to walk in it. God followed after him with love and long-suffering. Time after time he resisted the conviction, but finally the Spirit succeeded in breaking up his heart and showed him what he must do to make his wrongs right. He began making a profession of religion, but refused to make all his wrongs right, and in a short time the enemy took possession of him, whereupon he turned against God and against me, and grew worse and worse.
Now the furnace-flames became hot. He was restless and could not be content to stay anywhere very long at a time, andeverywhere we went he set about to turn the people against me by telling untruths to gain sympathy. He was very cruel to the children and me.
After we moved to a small town in northern Kansas, these words came vividly to my mind: "Fear none of those things which shall come upon thee." With the cruelty and persecution came a severe affliction. Two doctors pronounced it tuberculosis in the knee-joint. It was so serious that I could not bear to be moved, and when I sat in a rocking-chair I was obliged to have something under the rocker to keep the chair from moving. The thoughts of any one's coming near my knee made the pains go through my limb. At times I was able to walk some on crutches by being careful. My leg was swollen from above the knee down. At night I had to lie upon my back with pillows under my knee, and I could move neither to the right nor to the left, and sometimes just to cough a little caused almost unendurable pain.
All this happened during the months beforea baby girl was born. My family and neighbors did not expect me to live, but God stood by me and gave me this assurance: that as the children of Israel faced the Red Sea with no possible way of crossing, and he divided the waters and let them pass through, so he would in like manner help me. Oh, it was precious to trust him!
Just about a week before the child was born, the excruciating pain left my knee, but upon my recovery it came back seemingly worse than ever. About three months later the Lord healed the disease, which has never returned. However, I was left a cripple, and have had to use crutches ever since that time.
At this time I had eight children. Two grown boys had gone from home, leaving me to care for the other six. I had a great desire to rear them for God. Thus far I had spent most of my Christian life in isolated places, where I was deprived of church privileges. It seemed that all the hosts of darkness were united against my determination to rear my children under Christianinfluence. Although I had many things to learn regarding how to do this, yet God was patient in teaching me.
Once when an awful discouragement tried to settle down over me, and it seemed there was no material to work on, I was comforted through the impression that came to me in the words, "God can take a worm and thresh a mountain," and I have never forgotten these words, the thought of which is expressed by the prophet in Isa. 41:14, 15. I felt that some who opposed me would be glad for me to die so that they could get the children from my influence. Once my husband was threatened with arrest for cruelty, and I feared that my children would be taken from me and placed among my opposers, as one woman had said there were plenty of homes for them. Then the scene of Christ before Pilate came before me and this scripture: "Thou couldest have no power at all against me, except it were given thee from above." At the same time one of the organ-keys was down, and we were unable to repair it; so I said, "We will trustthe Lord to fix it." When the above-mentioned scripture came to me, the organ-key raised of its own accord, and I said, "Is there anything like that in the Bible?" and quickly came the answer: "The gate opened of its own accord when Peter went out." Joy filled my soul as I realized that the mighty God of heaven was my helper.
At another time I made a carpet which required five years to make by working whenever I could find time to do so. After it was finished and before I had cut it, the Spirit said to me, while I was praying one day, "Send that carpet to Kansas City to help furnish the Missionary Home." My heart said amen, and God made my husband willing, blessed my soul in sending it, and later gave me a carpet larger than the one I had given. My husband had ceased to allow me to have a way to make money of my own. I was not permitted to have either chickens or eggs. Once I made a hot-bed, as plants found a ready sale, and thought I would make a little money in that way, but he found it just as the plants were comingup and destroyed it. God never failed to bless me when I said amen.
At one time when I was in need of a pair of shoes, I went in earnest prayer to the Lord like a child and asked him for a pair. Soon afterwards I received a letter from a sister in Kansas City whom I had never seen. She was giving her entire time to the gospel work and had a little money in her possession. In her letter she said, "My mind was directed to you last Sunday during the services, and I was impressed to send this money to you." At another time after praying for some money, I received a dollar. I was in need of so many things that I asked the Lord how I should spend it. This answer came: "Send it to the missionaries in India." I did so, and in a short time received three pair of shoes for the children, of which they were very much in need. I had many similar experiences.
When our baby girl was about three months old, a dear sister whom I had met and who was living in an isolated place, came to pay me a visit. She remained inthat community. After about a year she was eager to grow in grace, and while she was anxiously waiting before the Lord and wishing that she might grow like Sister ——, the question came to her, "Are you willing to pass through what she has had to pass through?" She had a desire to do whatever was necessary, but did not feel that she could very well pass through such severe ordeals. In order to be spiritual and grow in grace, it is not always necessary for people to pass through such severe trials, nevertheless their consecration must be to pass through anything that would be most to the glory of God.
About this time I had an attack of sickness, and for sometime it seemed that I might die. My husband went to visit his sister and left me alone with the children. The sister who had been staying in the community, felt that she must come and stay with me, and when my husband returned, the Lord put it into his heart to hire her for a while. The Lord healed me and made my husband willing for my oldest daughter andI to go to a meeting at Kansas City. This was my last opportunity to enjoy a meeting before entering a much darker vale of trial. Our daughter was saved, for which I praised the Lord. My husband refused to hire the sister any longer, but in answer to prayer consented for her to stay as long as she desired without pay for her services.
In December of that year a dear baby boy was born. The Lord gave me this assurance: "I will be with thee in six troubles, yea, in seven there shall no evil befall thee." My husband began planning to go to Arkansas. We had been here three years and were getting our home comfortably furnished, but we learned to take joyfully the spoiling of our goods and to see them sold at a great sacrifice.
One day while I was communing with the Lord, this scripture was vividly impressed upon my mind: "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." At that time there was suggested to my mind the name of a town in Kansas near where I lived during my childhood. Idid not understand what it meant, as we did not go there, but I understood later. I had always had an aversion to living in the backwoods, for I knew that the welfare and education of the children would be neglected, but I acknowledged God's way.
The sister who was with us was willing to stay or go with us. We asked the Lord to open the way if he wanted her to go, and my husband told her that if she wanted to go he would pay her way. There are many experiences through which I passed that I should like to relate—experiences showing the mysterious ways in which the Lord helped us in time of need. I learned that obedience and trueness to God will bring us into a wealthy place.
My husband went about six weeks before we did and secured a location. Upon our arrival we found that our home for the present was sixteen miles from a railroad, back in the mountains, and that the roads were very rough and rocky. Our house was a very small one built of rough, unhewn logs. There were no windows, only somesmall shutters which could be opened when the weather was not cold. There were plenty of cracks and the fireplace was a smoky one. Most of the people in that community had lived there from the time of their birth and were poor. The women used tobacco. Some could not read, and morality was at a low ebb.
Soon after being introduced to our new surroundings, I was asked these three questions in succession:
"Are you willing to stay here and work?"
"Yes," I answered.
"Unseen and unknown?"
"Yes."
"Not even an obituary when you die?"
"Yes."
There were only twenty acres in cultivation, which required more hard work than eighty acres of ordinary farm-land. That fall my husband purchased a hewed log house of three rooms and moved it down between the mountains. It had four whole windows and two half windows, and we never knew before what luxuries they were.
We continued to have Sunday-school, as husband had not yet forbidden us to have it. He succeeded in turning most of the people against us by telling the usual stories, only he changed them to suit the people. He often used the same whip for the children and me that he used for the horses. His condition grew worse and worse all the time. The second summer three of the children had typhoid fever. After the first one had been ill for nine days, we sent for a doctor according to the law. He said, "Your little girl has a straight case of typhoid well developed, and it will take twenty-one days for the fever to break, with the best of care, if she lives at all." I told him that my trust was in God, but he ignored what I said. My husband told him to leave medicine and ordered me to give it, not because he had no confidence in divine healing, but for fear of the law, and to please the people. She had never taken a dose of medicine in her life and wanted to trust the Lord. I submitted and gave a few doses. God had given me witness that hewould heal her, and in three days she was sitting up and was soon up. My husband was very angry because she was healed. About two weeks later she took a relapse and was seemingly worse than ever, but we trusted in the promise, and she was soon all right again. Then two of the others contracted the disease, but they were both healed in answer to prayer.
One day during the summer while I was in the timber praying, a vivid impression came to me that God was going to deliver us out of that place, and the name of the town where we should live was given me. This was the same town previously mentioned, near where I had lived during my childhood. Oh, such rapture filled my soul! I told my daughter, and she said the Lord had been showing her the same thing. This scripture was given to me: "I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. And I will be found of you, saith the Lord; and I will turn away your captivity" (Jer. 29:11, 14).
We had never sent the children to school here, as the people were so poor and of such a low grade morally. I taught our children during the winter. At the end of the second summer we began praying for shoes. One day the children came from the mail-box with a pair for my oldest daughter, and then in a few days a letter came from an unsaved woman whom I had never met. She said: "I have some money from the Lord and feel impressed to send it to you. Please write and tell me how to send it." Then we received from a sister a letter containing five dollars. We had already begun to get ready to go to our future home. We had a catalog, from which we ordered as God gave us the means, and seldom my husband knew anything about it, for he would not have wanted us to have the money had he known it. He seldom noticed how much sewing was going on.
The Lord in many ways encouraged our hearts, for there were fiery trials awaiting us. A neighbor had moved away and hired my husband to dig his potatoes and sweetpotatoes. The enemy had such control of my husband that he could not be honest. My daughter helped to dig them, and he told her not to take any pains to get them all, but she did her best. He brought nearly half a bushel of sweet potatoes home and told me to cook them. I prayed to know what to do and received these words, "He that sweareth to his own hurt and changeth not." I told my husband that it was not right to keep the potatoes and that I could not cook them. He flew into a rage and threatened to kill me, and would not allow me to come into the room where the rest were until the light was out and they had gone to bed. It seemed the enemy and all his hosts wanted to take my life. I cried earnestly unto the Lord to give me something to comfort my soul, and he brought to my mind the three Hebrew children.
A week passed and the man returned for some of his belongings. It was dark when he passed, and he was drunk. My husband went out and talked, and no doubt smoothed it over about the sweet potatoes. When hecame back, he said to me, "I told you it was all right about those potatoes." I did not say anything, but did not feel right about it. The next morning before daylight, he wanted me to cook those potatoes. I refused and told him I could not cook them. Then the battle was on worse than ever. He struck me and wanted me to leave the house, and followed me with a club until I was outside the yard, and then told me to move on. I went out into the timber and remained there, and the children brought me some wraps and something to eat. Then he ordered the sister who was with us to leave, and she packed a few clothes in a suit-case and came down the timber to see me. We parted in good courage. This sister had, before this happened, received many calls to go elsewhere. One call was from her brother, who offered her a good home and support during the rest of her life.
She went to a neighbor who had given her an invitation and stayed two days, and from there to another place, where she stayed a few days and worked for herboard. While she was on the way, the Lord gave her this assurance: "Trust in the Lord, and thou shalt be fed." While she was there, not knowing what to do next, and being taunted by the enemy because she had not accepted her brother's offer, the Lord seemed sweetly to whisper to her, these words: "This is the way; walk ye in it."
She heard of a place where they might need some one. It was very muddy and there was a drizzling rain, but she went. When she arrived at that place, she found they did not need her, but the telephone rang, and a lady who had been one of our opposers asked that she come and stay with her for a while. The scripture had come to her, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." The woman turned friend, opened the way for her to communicate with us and to get mail from the people of God. She remained there about a week, when an old lady desired some one to stay with her and gave her a home until the Lord was through with her in Arkansas.
But returning to my experience in the timber, I did not know whether I should be allowed to return home or not; but trusting God, I returned in the afternoon and was not molested, excepting a tongue-lashing. Not long after this our two grown sons came home on a visit, and my husband told them awful things about me, which they believed, and turned against me and doubled the persecution. They searched the house for books, Bibles, and papers, and burned them before us, also pictures of our friends. Then they tortured the little girls, trying to make them promise that they would not be Christians like their mother. Those dear boys who had stood by me in the past! How I thanked God for grace sufficient in time of trial and for the privilege of loving and praying for them.
In July of our last summer there, my eldest daughter said, "I just feel like packing my trunk to go to ——." It was the town God had shown us should be our home. The next time she went for the mail, there was a letter from a sister in the town, saying thatGod had taken sleep from two sisters and told them to send for her, and enclosed a check for her fare. She soon afterward went to that town.
Sometime after this, while the second daughter was driving for her father while husking corn, she ran into a stump and broke the wagon-tongue. Such an occurrence endangered their lives, but two men coming along just at that time spared her somewhat, and her father sent her to the house. I prayed until my faith rested on the promise for protection. That night after I had gone to bed, God inspired me with beautiful thoughts of heaven, and I got up so softly and took a pencil and paper and wrote this poem in the dark. I can not refrain from saying here, Praise the Lord for these precious things in time of trial!
MY BEAUTIFUL HOMEThough poets may sing of the streets of pure goldAnd talk of its mansions so fair,After all it is naught; the half is not toldOf my beautiful home over there.Man's eye has ne'er seen nor his ear ever heard,Nor can he e'er picture the scene;The music's so rare no one can recordThe strains of the faithful, I ween.Though art has portrayed fair angels of lightIn tints that enrapture the mind;'Tis grander by far in my home ever bright,Where the glory of God is enshrined.No; ear hath not heard, and eye hath not seen,Any thing that will ever compareWith the grandeur and beauty of that heavenly scene,Of my beautiful home over there.'Tis only by faith that gleams from the land,Where they need not the light of the sun,Can brighten the life or lighten the painOf those who will hear the "Well done."Some day when my toiling and trials are o'er,I shall see the fair angels of light;On their wings they will bear me across to that shoreWhere my faith will be lost in the sight.
MY BEAUTIFUL HOME
Though poets may sing of the streets of pure goldAnd talk of its mansions so fair,After all it is naught; the half is not toldOf my beautiful home over there.
Though poets may sing of the streets of pure gold
And talk of its mansions so fair,
After all it is naught; the half is not told
Of my beautiful home over there.
Man's eye has ne'er seen nor his ear ever heard,Nor can he e'er picture the scene;The music's so rare no one can recordThe strains of the faithful, I ween.
Man's eye has ne'er seen nor his ear ever heard,
Nor can he e'er picture the scene;
The music's so rare no one can record
The strains of the faithful, I ween.
Though art has portrayed fair angels of lightIn tints that enrapture the mind;'Tis grander by far in my home ever bright,Where the glory of God is enshrined.
Though art has portrayed fair angels of light
In tints that enrapture the mind;
'Tis grander by far in my home ever bright,
Where the glory of God is enshrined.
No; ear hath not heard, and eye hath not seen,Any thing that will ever compareWith the grandeur and beauty of that heavenly scene,Of my beautiful home over there.
No; ear hath not heard, and eye hath not seen,
Any thing that will ever compare
With the grandeur and beauty of that heavenly scene,
Of my beautiful home over there.
'Tis only by faith that gleams from the land,Where they need not the light of the sun,Can brighten the life or lighten the painOf those who will hear the "Well done."
'Tis only by faith that gleams from the land,
Where they need not the light of the sun,
Can brighten the life or lighten the pain
Of those who will hear the "Well done."
Some day when my toiling and trials are o'er,I shall see the fair angels of light;On their wings they will bear me across to that shoreWhere my faith will be lost in the sight.
Some day when my toiling and trials are o'er,
I shall see the fair angels of light;
On their wings they will bear me across to that shore
Where my faith will be lost in the sight.
On the night of November 22 the children and I were alone, and I was wonderfully impressed with the scripture in Isa. 45:2, 3. It came to me three times duringthe day. The next morning, being Sunday, we were still alone. The children were singing "What a Mighty God We Serve," when I heard a crackling noise and, looking up, saw the house was on fire. I looked to the Lord for presence of mind, and we went to work getting things out. One of the children said, "This is what your scripture was for. Perhaps this is for our deliverance." I realized the presence of the Lord in the whole affair, and he wonderfully helped us to save all the things of importance, and just as the fire was getting so hot that it seemed we could do no more, a man came along and helped us. There was an empty house nearby, into which we moved.
The people decided to help my husband build another house, and they began work. Thus, it appeared that we should have to remain there always; but the children and I took no notice of it. I told the Lord he knew there was more clothing we needed yet, and asked him, to give me, when it was time, the money to get the goods. In a short time I received it, and we were busy sewinguntil late at night, and the Lord gave me such a glorious assurance of deliverance.
I had two trunks packed full, mostly with clothing. Husband said one day, "I believe I will trade the place." I did not know what to say, as I knew God was doing the managing. In a few days he traded it and decided to go about twenty miles north and rent some land. This was about the first of February, and he wanted to start in March. The man who owned the house where we were living, came and wanted it, and so we put up a small tent to live in the rest of the time. It began raining and rained hard the most of the time for two or three weeks. Everything was so damp, but God's hallowed presence made all things bearable.
My husband planned to take two teams and have me drive one. I knew almost nothing about driving, and the roads were as bad as they could be, up and down mountains, over rocks, and through mud, and I could scarcely make a move of any kind to please my husband. He also decided to take twenty-nine goats, which he intended havingthe children drive. The morning we started I had been sick all night, and it began raining and the wagon sheet began to leak; but I kept trusting, and it stopped raining. Our first interesting experience was the horses balking in the river. It took about an hour before we got out. No damage was done, however, except that Husband found a roll of papers which I had intended for distribution, and threw them into the river.
We camped near a house that night. The next morning Husband said, "Unpack that box and leave the dishes here, for we are too heavily loaded." The box had been packed with care and contained some of my best things, and about two sets of dishes which had scarcely been used. He left them with some other things. One of the girls who had walked the day before became ill. We started on our way up a mountain slope, which was a distance of three miles. After we had gone a short distance, my husband said, "I am going back and unload some of these things." He proceeded to throwout the bedding and other things on the wet ground and, leaving us, went back and left the trunks with the dishes. Both trunks were unlocked and there were so many people who could not be trusted. I had taken the address of the people with whom I left the dishes. We had no clothing left except what we had on our persons, and a few things I had felt impressed to keep out before we left home. The trunks contained all the clothing for our future home, so I believed that God would take care of them.
The roads could not have been worse nor more dangerous. Some places were so steep and one-sided that it seemed the wagon might fall over, and the mud-holes were terrible. The team which I was driving gave much trouble, as one mule pulled ahead and the other was slow. Husband expected me to keep them even and drive with one hand, and he quite often gave me a lick with the same club with which he whipped the mules. Two of the children were sick, and the jolts of the wagon were very hard on them. While passing throughsome of these experiences, the words of Paul came to me, "In perils often; a night and a day have I been in the deep," and the song, "Anywhere with Jesus I Can Safely Go." I must say, Praise the Lord, for he helped my faith to rise above the situation and healed the children and protected our lives.
My husband failed to find any land to rent or work, so we kept going. Two of the children were still walking and driving the goats. On account of the limited space I can tell but very little of their experiences along the way. One circumstance, however, that gave us much concern was that there were many streams to cross, and at one place by driving the goats along on the mountain-side the children would miss having to cross the stream several times, and they were required to take the mountain-side. It was steep and above the river. Sometimes they would slide and have considerable difficulty in stopping, and the goats would run up the mountains, jump on rocks, and cause trouble. My husband drove on and would notwait for them at the bridge, which was about a mile from where they started, and it was some time before I saw them again, a time of great anxiety. It was one of the times when I had to trust the Lord to take care of them.
After the children had driven the goats about two weeks, my husband sold them. One day about four weeks after we left our home, I heard my husband tell a man that he was going to ——. This was the town the Lord had shown me would be our future home. You will remember that our clothing was left behind, so that our appearance was not presentable; but I deepened my consecration and told the Lord that if he wanted us to go in such a plight, I could say amen. Before we arrived, he opened the way for us so that we looked quite presentable, considering the fact that we were traveling. A week before our arrival, I wrote for the trunks to be sent to the town. We arrived in safety. Three weeks after I wrote for our goods, they had not arrived, and so I wrote again. We received a letterfrom the people saying that they had moved and left the trunks in the house, which was not locked. We gave them the dishes and other things in order to get them to take the goods to the railroad, and upon the arrival of the trunks we found them just as I had packed them.
We were now glad to be with the dear people of God and to know that the captivity was turned. My husband began telling the usual stories, but they were not received even by his own people. He became very miserable and alarmed about his own safety on account of the people. He left the town, and has never been heard from. During these years of trial, many hours of deep concern have been spent with a hope and trust that the dark shades which cover his life may be swept away and that even yet his future life here on earth may be crowned with the blessings of the Lord and the presence of the Almighty. I do not know what the future holds in store, but I am expecting some good things from God,whether or not my pathway is strewn with trials.
In relating this experience, I have been obliged to omit many things that could have been told and that might have been helpful to others who are passing through similar trials, as there are so many experiences that would not be advisable to publish. I believe that the good part may be a help and encouragement to many who have like trials and that the sad experiences may be a warning to those who trifle with the mercy of God. My dear husband might have been with us and happy today instead of suffering an awful foretaste of the regions of the lost, had he only been obedient to the Lord and walked in the light of his Word. The sister who was in Arkansas is with us, and we are working together for the Lord.
I have humbly submitted everything into the hands of the Lord and have been better able to understand the words of the Psalmist, wherein he said, "Teach me thy way, 0 Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. Deliver me not overunto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."
EXPERIENCE NUMBER 16
The message of the cross is the same in every clime. The Spirit of the Lord will enlighten all darkened hearts that are receptive to the truth.
In the year 1904 there was a striking occurrence in one of our meetings in the Punjab district in northwestern India. An intelligent young lady, a native school-teacher, offered her services as interpreter one Sunday while I preached on the subject of the ordinances of the Bible.
She became very much interested in the story of the cross, and as the prophecy was read from the fifty-third chapter of Isaiah, she was much affected. After interpreting sentence by sentence a vivid description of the crucifixion-scene and the story of how the Savior gave his life for the salvation of those who are lost in sin, she suddenly stopped, began wringing her hands, and fell upon her knees. In the bitter anguish of her soul she cried, "O Lord! I am a sinner!I am a sinner! Have mercy upon my soul!"
For a few minutes the services changed to a prayer-meeting. Her efforts were with such earnestness and sincerity of heart that she was soon able to realize a fulfilment of the promises by faith, and received a witness to her soul that the Lord Jesus was now her Savior.
She arose rejoicing and continued to interpret with much fervency of spirit, realizing the truthfulness of the words of the apostle when he said that the gospel of Christ "is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth."