CHAPTER FIVE

“I tried to stop him. I didn’t want him to demean himself before the oarsmen tryin’ to find boats that hadn’t been hearn on in hundreds of years.” (See page 67)

When we got there the sun wuz tingin’ the tops of the trees with its bright light, but the water on the nigh side, where we landed, wuz cool and green and shadowy. Dretful fresh and restful and comfortable that hot muggy day.

We disembarked on the clean little wharf and walked up to the lot Whitfield had bought. It wuz a pretty place in a kind of a holler between high rocks, but with a full and fair view of the river on the nigh side, on the off side and on the back the tall trees riz up. The site of the house mebby bein’ so low down wuz the reason that there wuz good deep earth there. Tirzah Ann spoke of that most the first thing:—

“I can have a good suller, can’t I?”

Whitfield spoke first of the view from the river, and little Delight sez, “Oh what soft pretty grass.”

Josiah looked round for a minute on the entrancin’ beauty of the water and the islands and up into the green shadders of the trees overhead, and then off into the soft blue haze that wrapped the beautiful shores in the distance.70After gazin’ silently for a minute he turned to me and sez, “Didn’t you bring any nut cakes with you? I’d like one to eat whilst I think of another Island far more beautiful than this, where I yearn to be.”

I groaned in spirit but handed him the desired refreshment, and then we talked over the subject of the cottage. Whitfield thought it would be splendid for the health of Tirzah Ann and the children, to say nothin’ of their happiness. She and Delight both looked kinder pimpin’, and he sez, “Mother, I’ve got the lot, and now I am going to lay up money just as fast as I can for our house; I hope we can live here in a year or two anyway.”

Well, we stayed here for quite a spell, Whitfield and Tirzah Ann buildin’ castles higher than Castle Rest, on the foundations of their rosy future, underlaid with youth and glowin’ hope—the best-lookin’ underpinnin’ you can find anywhere. And little Delight rolled on the green moss and built her rosy castles in the illumined present, as children do. And I looked off onto the fur blue waters some as if I wuz lookin’ into the past. And furder off than I could see the water, the meller blue haze lay that seemed to unite earth and heaven, and I71looked on it, and way off, way off, and thought of a good many things.

Josiah wuz tryin’ to ketch a fish for supper; the boatman had a pole and fish hook, but he couldn’t ketch any, he hadn’t any nack; it takes nack to ketch fish as well as worms.

CHAPTER FIVEJosiah’s imagination about his fishin’ exploits carries him to a pint where I have to rebuke him, which makes him dretful huffy

CHAPTER FIVE

JOSIAH’S IMAGINATION ABOUT HIS FISHIN’ EXPLOITS CARRIES HIM TO A PINT WHERE I HAVE TO REBUKE HIM, WHICH MAKES HIM DRETFUL HUFFY

The next morning we went over to Alexandria Bay on a tower. We walked up to the immense hotels past the gay flower beds that seemed to be growing right out of the massive gray boulders, and great willer trees wuz droppin’ their delicate green branches where gayly dressed ladies and good-lookin’ men wuz settin’. And in front wuz fleets of little boats surroundin’ the big white steamboats, jest as contented as big white geese surrounded by a drove of little goslins.

I’d hearn that the great hotel that wuz nighest to us looked by night jest like one of the fairy palaces we read about in Arabian Nights, and one night we see it. From the ground clear up to the high ruff it wuz all ablaze with lines of flashin’ light, and I sez instinctively to myself, “Jerusalem the golden!”76and “Pan American Electric Tower!” And I d’no which metafor satisfied me best. ’Tennyrate this had the deep broad river flowin’ on in front, reflectin’ every glowin’ light and buildin’ another gleamin’ castle down there more beautiful than the one on land. Josiah’s only remark wuz “Coney Island!” Everything seems to make him think on’t, from a tooth pick to a tower. Ten thousand electric lights wuz the number that lit up that one house, so I hearn.

The big engine and chimney they use to turn the water into glorious light, towers up behind the hotel, and made such a noise and shook the buildin’ so that folks couldn’t stand it, and they jest collared that noise as Josiah would take a dog he couldn’t stop barkin’ by the scruff of the neck and lock it up in the stable, jest so they took that noise and rumblin’ and snaked it way offen into the river in a pipe or sunthin’, so it keeps jest as still now up there as if it wuzn’t doin’ a mite of work. Queer, hain’t it? But to resoom.

It wuz indeed a fair seen to turn round when you wuz about half way up the flower strewn declivity and look afar off over the wharf with its gay crowd, over the boats gaily ridin’ at77anchor, and behold the fairy islands risin’ from the blue waves crested with castles, and mansions and cottage ruffs, chimblys and towers all set in the green of the surroundin’ trees.

And, off fur as the eye could see, way through between and around, wuz other beautiful islands and trees covered with spires and ruffs peepin’ out of the green. And way off, way off like white specks growin’ bigger every minute, wuz great ships floatin’ in, and nearer still would be anon or oftener majestic ships and steamers ploughin’ along through the blue waves, sailin’ on and goin’ right by and mindin’ their own bizness.

Well, when at last we did tear ourselves away from the environin’ seen and walk acrost the broad piazzas and into the two immense hotels, as we looked around on the beauty of our surroundin’s, nothin’ but the inward sense of religious duty seemed strong enough to draw us back to Thousand Island Park, though that is good-lookin’ too.

But the old meetin’ house with its resistless cords, and the cast-iron devotion of a pardner wound their strong links round me and I wuz more than willin’ to go back at night. Josiah78didn’t come with us, he’d gone fishin’ with another deacon he’d discovered at the Park.

Well, we santered through the bizness and residence streets and went into the free library, a quaint pretty building full of good books with a memorial to Holland meetin’ you the first thing, put up there by the hands of Gratitude. And we went into the old stun church, which the dead master of Bonnie Castle thought so much on and did so much for, and is full of memories of him. Whitfield thinks a sight of his writings; he sez “they dignify the commonplace, and make common things seem oncommon.” Katrina, Arthur Bonniecastle, Miss Gilbert, Timothy Titcomb the philosopher, all seemed to walk up and down with Whitfield there.

And while there we took a short trip to the Lake of the Isles, a lovely place, where instead of boats full of gigglin’ girls with parasols, and college boys with yells and oars, the water lilies float their white perfumed sails, and Serenity and Loneliness seem to kinder drift the boat onwards, and the fashion-tired beholder loves to hasten there, away from the crowd, and rest.

Every mind can be suited at the Islands, the79devotee of fashion can swirl around in its vortex, and for them who don’t care for it there are beautiful quiet places where that vortex don’t foam and geyser round, and all crowned with the ineffable beauty of the St. Lawrence.

And we sailed by the Island of Summer Land (a good name), where a beloved pastor and his children in the meetin’ house settled down so long ago that Fashion hadn’t found out how beautiful the Thousand Islands wuz. They come here for rest and recreation, and built their cottages along the undulatin’ shore in the shape of a great letter S. It wuz a pretty spot.

When the boat wuz ready to go back at night I wuz, and wuz conveyed in safety at about six p.m. to the bosom of my family. I say this poetically, for the bosom wuzn’t there when I got back; it hadn’t come in from fishin’ yet, and when it did come it wuz cross and fraxious, for the other deacon had caught two fish and he hadn’t any. He said he felt sick, and believed he wuz threatened with numony, but he wuzn’t; it wuz only madness and crossness, that kinder stuffs anybody up some like tizik.

Well, Whitfield found a letter that made it80necessary for him to return to Jonesville to once, and of course Tirzah Ann, like the fond wife and mother she wuz, would take little Delight and go with him. But after talkin’ to Josiah, Whitfield concluded they would stay over one day more to go fishin’. So the very next mornin’ he got a big roomy boat, and we sot out to troll for fish. The way they do this is to hitch a line on behind the boat and let it drag through the water and catch what comes to it. And as our boat swep’ on over the glassy surface of the water that lay shinin’ so smooth and level, not hintin’ of the rocks and depths below, I methought, “Here we be all on us, men and wimmen, fishin’ on the broad sea of life, and who knows what will tackle the lines we drop down into the mysterious depths? We sail along careless and onthinkin’ over rush and rapid, depth and shallow, the line draggin’ along. Who knows what we may feel all of a sudden on the end of the line? Who knows what we may be ketchin’ ontirely onbeknown to us? We may be ketchin’ happiness, and we may be layin’ holt of sorrow. A bliss may be jerked up by us out of the depth; agin a wretchedness and a heart-ache may grip holt the end of the line. Poor fishers that we be! settin’ in our81frail little shallop on deep waters over onknown depths, draggin’ a onceasin’ line along after us night and day, year in and year out. The line is sot sometimes by ourselves, but a great hand seems to be holdin’ ours as we fasten on the hook, a great protectin’ Power seems to be behind us, tellin’ us where to drop the line, for we feel sometimes that we can’t help ourselves.”

I wuz engaged in these deep thoughts as we glided onwards. Josiah wuz wrestlin’ with his hat brim, he would have acted pert and happy if it hadn’t been for that. At my request he had bought a straw hat to cover his eyes from the sun and preserve his complexion, and so fur is that man from megumness that he had got one with a brim so broad that it stood out around his face like a immense white wing, floppin’ up and down with every gust of wind. He had seen some fashionable young feller wear one like it and he thought it would be very becomin’ and stylish to get one for a fishin’ excursion, little thinkin’ of the discomfort it would give him.

“Plague it all!” sez he, as it would flop up and down in front of his eyes and blind him, “what made me hear to you, goin’ a-fishin’ blind as a bat!”82

Sez I, “Why didn’t you buy a megum-sized one? Why do you always go to extremes?”

“To please you!” he hollered out from under his blinders. “Jest to please you, mom!”

Sez I, “Josiah Allen, you know you did it for fashion, so why lay it off onto me? But,” sez I, “if you’ll keep still I’ll fix it all right.”

“Keep still!” sez he, “I don’t see any prospect of my doin’ anything else when I can’t see an inch from my nose.”

“Well,” sez I, “push the brim back and I’ll tie it down with my braize veil.”

“I won’t wear a veil!” sez he stoutly. “No, Samantha, no money will make me rig up like a female woman right here in a fashionable summer resort, before everybody. How would a man look with a veil droopin’ down and drapin’ his face?”

“Well,” sez I, “then go your own way.”

But the next time a gale come from the sou’west he wuz glad to submit to my drapin’ him; so I laid the brim back and tied the veil in a big bow knot under his chin. Then agin he reviled the bow, and said it would make talk. But I held firm and told him I wuzn’t goin’ to tear my veil tiein’ it in a hard knot. And he soon forgot his discomposure in wearin’ braize veils, in his happiness at the idee of ketchin’ fish, so’s to tell the different deacons on’t when he got home.

“‘I won’t wear a veil,’ sez he stoutly. But the next time a gale come from the sou’west I laid the brim back and tied the veil in a big bow knot under his chin.” (See page 82)

Men do love to tell fish stories. Men who are truthful on every other pint of the law, will, when they measure off with their hands how long the fish is that they ketched, stretch out that measure more’n considerable.

Well, as I say, as our boat glided on between the green islands, anon in shadder and then agin out in sunny stretches of glassy seas, I looked off on the glorified distance and thought of things even furder away than that. Tirzah Ann wuz engaged in tryin’ to keep the sun out of her face; she said anxiously she wuz afraid she would git a few frecks on her nose in spite of all she could do. Whitfield wuz amusin’ Delight, and Josiah ever and anon speakin’ of Coney Island and askin’ if it wuzn’t time to eat our lunch. So the play of life goes on.

We didn’t ketch much of anything, only I ketched considerable of a headache. Tirzah Ann ketched quite a number of frecks; she complained that she had burnt her nose. Delight did, I guess, ketch quite an amount of happiness, for the experience wuz new to her, and children can’t bag any better or more85agreeable game than Novelty. And Whitfield did seem to ketch considerable enjoyment; he loves to be out on the water.

My pardner drew up one tiny, tiny fish out of the depths; it looked lonesome and exceedingly fragile, but oh how that man brooded over that triumph! And by the time we reached Jonesville and he related that experience to the awe-struck neighbors it wuz a thrillin’ and excitin’ seen he depictered, and that tiny fishlet had growed, in the fertile sile of his warm imagination, to such a length, that I told him in confidence out to one side, that if I ever hearn him go on so agin about it, and if that fish kep’ a growin’ to that alarmin’ extent, I should have to tell its exact length; it wuz jest as long as my middle finger, for I measured it on the boat, foreseein’ trouble with him in this direction.

It made him dretful huffy, and he sez, “I can’t help it if you do have a hand like a gorilla’s.”

It hain’t so; I never wore higher than number 7. But I have never seen him since pull out his hands so recklessly measurin’ off the dimensions of that fish, or gin hints that it took two men to carry it up from the boat to86the hotel, and insinuate on how many wuz nourished on it, and for how long a time.

No, I broke it up. But Josiah Allen hain’t the only man that stretches out the fish they have ketched, as if they wuz made of the best kind of Injy rubber. It seems nateral to men’s nater to tell fibs about fish. Curious, hain’t it? That is one of the curious things that lay holt of our lines. And wimmen have to see squirmin’ at their feet anon or oftener, game that flops and wriggles and won’t lay still and grows all the time.

CHAPTER SIXIn which I draw the matrimonial line round my pardner and also keep my eye on Mr. Pomper

CHAPTER SIX

IN WHICH I DRAW THE MATRIMONIAL LINE ROUND MY PARDNER AND ALSO KEEP MY EYE ON MR. POMPER

The next mornin’ Whitfield and Tirzah went home, Josiah and I thinkin’ we would stay a few days longer. And what should I git but a letter from Cousin Faithful Smith sayin’ that her Aunt Petrie beyond Kingston wuz enjoyin’ poor health, and felt that she must have Faith come and visit her before she went West. So she wuz goin’ to cut short her visit to the Smithses and go to her Aunt Petrie’s on her way to the West, and as she had heard Josiah and I wuz to the Islands, she would stop and stay a few days with us there. And as the letter had been delayed, she wuz to be there that very day on the afternoon boat. So of course Josiah and I met her at Clayton. And I went to the boardin’-house keeper to see if I could git her a room.90

But she wuz full, Miss Dagget wuz; and when anybody is full there is no more to be said; so with many groanin’s from my pardner, on account of the higher price, we concluded we would git rooms at the hotel, that big roomy place, with broad piazzas runnin’ round it and high ruffs. And as Josiah said bitterly, the ruffs wuzn’t any higher than the prices. And I told him the prices wuzn’t none too high for what we got, and I sez, “We are gittin’ along in years and don’t often rush into such high expenses, so we’ll make the venter.”

And he groaned out, “Good reason why we don’t make the venter often, unless we want to go on the Town!”

And then he kinder brightened up and wondered if he couldn’t make a dicker with the hotel-keeper to take a yearlin’ steer to pay for our two boards.

And I sez, “What duz he want of a yearlin’ steer here in the midst of a genteel fashion resort?”

And he snapped me up and said he didn’t know as there wuz anything onfashionable or ongenteel about a likely yearlin’. Sez he, “I’ll bet they’d take it at Coney Island.”

“Well, what would he do with it here?” sez I.91

“Why, do as I do with it; let it grow up and make clear gain on its growth.”

“Oh shaw!” sez I, “he couldn’t have it bellerin’ round amongst the gay and fashionable throng.”

“It wouldn’t beller,” sez he, “if he fed it enough.”

I broke it up after a long talk, for I wouldn’t let him demean himself by askin’ the question and bein’ refused, and then he said he wuz goin’ to ask him if he would take white beans for his pay, or part of it, or mebby, sez he, “he would like to take a few geese.”

“Geese!” sez I, “what would they want with geese squawkin’ round here?”

“Why,” sez he, “you know they would look handsome swimmin’ round in the water in front of the hotel. And he might gin out, if he wuz a mind to, that they wuz a new kind of swans; they do such things at Coney Island.”

Sez I, “Are you a deacon or are you not? Are you a pillow in the meetin’ house or hain’t you a pillow?”

“I didn’t say he hadgotto do thus and so, I said he might if he wanted to.”

Sez I, “You keep your geese and pray to not be led into temptation.” And then the truth92come out, he hated the geese and wanted to git rid of ’em. Men always hate to keep geese, it is one of their ways, though they love soft pillows and cushions as well as wimmen do, or better, it is one of their curious ways to love the effects of geese dearly and hate the cause and demean it.

Well, by givin’ up the best part of the forenoon to the job I ground him down onto not tryin’ to dicker with any barter, but to walk up like a man and pay for our two boards. Faith is real well off and kinder independent sperited, and I knew she wouldn’t let us pay for hern, and at last we got a good comfortable room for ourselves and one for Faith, not fur from ourn. Both on ’em looked out onto the beautiful river, and I had lots of emotions as I looked out on it, although they didn’t rise up so fur as they would, if I hadn’t had such a tussel with my pardner, so true it is that chains of cumberin’ cares and Josiahs drag down the aspirin’ soul-wings for the time bein’. But I laid out to take sights of comfort in more tranquil and less dickerin’ times, in lookin’ out on the beauty and glory of the waters, and fur off, into the beautiful distance lit with the mornin’s rosy light, and “sunset and evenin’ star.”93

We sot off on the afternoon boat for Clayton. Faith seemed real glad to see us and we visey versey. And it wuz a joy to me to see her admiration of the Islands as we swep’ by ’em and round ’em on our way to the Park.

We got back in time to git ready for supper in pretty good sperits; the dinin’ room wuz large and clean and pleasant, the waiters doin’ all they could for us, and we had a good supper and enough on’t. And speakin’ of the waiters, most of ’em wuz nice boys and girls, tryin’ to git an education; some on ’em had been to college and wanted to earn a little more money to finish their education, and some wuz learnin’ music and wanted more money to go on with their lessons—good plan, I think—they will be as likely agin to succeed as if they wuz sot down and waited on. It is a good thing, as the Bible sez, “to bear the yoke in your youth,” and though I spoze the yoke weighed down considerable heavy on ’em, specially on excursion days, and when there wuz folks hard to please, yet I thought they will come out all right in the end.

Some on ’em wuz studyin’ for the ministry, and I thought they would git a real lot of patience and other Christian virtues laid up agin94the time of need. Though here, as in every other walk of life, there wuz some that wuz careless and slack.

But to resoom forwards. I see at the table there wuz the usual summer tourists round me, care-worn fathers and weary dyspeptic mothers with two or three flighty, over-dressed daughters, and a bashful, pale son or two, and anon a lady with a waist drawed in to that extent that you wondered where her vital organs wuz. And how could any live creeter brook the agony them long steel cossets wuz dealin’ the wearer? You could see this agony in the dull eyes, pale face and wan holler cheeks wearin’ the hectic flush of red paint. And the little pinted shues, with heels sot in the very center of the nerves, ready to bring on prostration, and blindness.

Right by that agonized female would be a real lady. English, mebby, with a waist the size the Lord give and Fashion had not taken away. With good, sensible shues on, dealin’ out comfort to the amiable feelin’ feet; rosy cheeks, bright eyes, all bearin’ witness to the joys of sensible dressin’ and sensible livin’.

And then there wuz bright pert-lookin’ young wimmen, travelin’ alone in pairs, and havin’95a good time to all human appearance. Anon good-lookin’, manly men, with sweet pretty wives and a roguish, rosy little child or so. Sad lookin’ widder wimmen, some in their weeds, but evidently lookin’ through ’em. Anon a few single men with good-lookin’ tanned faces, enjoyin’ themselves round a table of their own, and talkin’ and laughin’ more’n considerable. Respectable, middle-aged couples, takin’ their comfort with kinder pensive faces, and once in awhile a young girl as adorably sweet and pretty as only American girls can be at their best.

But on my nigh side, only a little ways acrost from us sot the ponderous man I remembered on my journey thither who wanted to be a fly. Furder and furder it seemed from amongst the possibles as he towered up sideways and seemed to dwarf all the men round him, though they wuz sizeable. And gittin’ a better look at him, I could see that he had a broad red face, gray side whiskers and one eye. That one eye seemed to be bright blue, and he seemed to keep it on our table from the time we come in as long as we sat there.

That evenin’ in the parlor he got introduced to us. Mr. Pomper, his name wuz, and we all96used him well, though I didn’t like “the cut of his jib,” to use a nautical term which I consider appropriate at a watering-place.

But go where we would, that ponderous figger seemed to be near. At the table he sot, where that one eye shone on us as constant as the sun to the green earth. In our walks he would always set on the balcony to watch us go and welcome us back. And in the parlor we had to set under the rakin’ fire of that blue luminary. And if we went on the boats he wuz there, and if we stayed to home there wuz he.

And at last a dretful conviction rousted up in me. It come the day we went the trip round the Islands. We enjoyed ourselves real well, until I discerned that huge figger settin’ in a corner with that one eye watchin’ our party as clost as a cat would watch a mouse. Can it be, sez I to myself, that that man has formed a attachment for me?

No, no, it cannot be, sez I to myself. And yet I knowed such things did occur in fashionable circles. Men with Mormon hearts hidden under Gentile exteriors wuz abroad in the land, and such things as I mistrusted blackened and mormonized the bosom of Mr. Pomper, did97happen anon and oftener. And I methought if so, what must I do? Must I tell my beloved companion? Or must I, as the poet sez, “Let concealment, like a worm in the rug, feed on my damaged cheek?”

But thoughts of the quick, ardent temper of my beloved companion bade me relinquish the thought of confidin’ in him. No, I dassent, for I knew that his weight wuz but small by the steelyards, and Mr. Pomper’s size wuz elephantine, with probably muscles accordin’. No, I felt I must rely on myself. But the feelin’s I felt nobody can tell. Thinks I, “It has come onto me jest what I have always read and scorfed at”; for I had always thought and said that no self-respectin’ female need be inviggled unless she had encouraged the inviggler, or had a hand in the invigglin’. But alas! with no fault of my own, onless it wuz my oncommon good looks,—and of course them I couldn’t help,—here I wuz the heroine of a one-eyed tragedy, for I felt that the smoulderin’ fire burnin’ in that solitary orb might bust forth at any time and engulf me and my pardner in a common doom.

But two things I felt I could do; I could put on a real lot of dignity, and could keep a eagle98watch onto my beloved pardner, and if I see any sign of Mr. Pompers attacktin’ him, or throwin’ him overboard, I felt the strength of three wimmen would be gin to me, and I could save him or perish myself in the attempt. In accordance with them plans, when Mr. Pomper approached us bringin’ us some easier chairs, I confronted him with a look that must have appauled his guilty mind, and when he sez to me:

“It is a pleasant day, mom.”

I looked several daggers at him and some simiters, and never said a word. And when a short time afterwards he asked me what time of day it wuz, pretendin’ his watch had stopped, I looked full and cold in his face for several minutes before I sez in icy axents, “I don’t know!” Every word fallin’ from my lips like ice-suckles from a ruff in a January thaw, and then I turned my back and went away from him.

Vain attempt! What wicked arts men do possess! He pretended to believe I wuz deef, and with that pretext he dasted to approach still nearer to me and kinder hollered out:

“What time of day is it?”

I see I must answer him, or make a still more sentimental and romantick seen, and I sez, with extreme frigidity and icy chill, “I don’t know anything about it.”

“‘What does ail you, Samantha, lockin’ arms with me all the time—it will make talk!’ he whispered in a mad, impatient whisper, but I would hang on as long as Mr. Pomper wuz around.” (See page 100)

100

And then I turned on my heel and walked off. In such noble and prompt ways did I discourage all his overtoors, and every time I see him approach my pardner, if they wuz anywhere near the outer taff-rail of the boat, I would approach and lock arms with Josiah Allen, killin’ two birds with one stun, for that act both ensured safety to my heart’s idol, and also struck a blow onto Mr. Pomperses nefarious designs. He see plain that I idolized my pardner. Once or twice, so hardly is oncommon virtue rewarded in this world, Josiah spoke out snappishly:

“What duz ail you to-day, Samantha, lockin’ arms with me all the time—it will make talk!” he whispered in a mad, impatient whisper, and he would kinder wiggle his arm to make me leggo’; but secure in my own cast-iron principles, I would hang on as long as Mr. Pomper wuz round.

CHAPTER SEVENIn which Josiah proposes to dance and Mr. Pomper makes an advance

103

CHAPTER SEVEN

IN WHICH JOSIAH PROPOSES TO DANCE AND MR. POMPER MAKES AN ADVANCE

The day wuz a tegus one to me, borne down as I wuz by the constrainin’ atmosphere of a onwelcome and onlawful attachment. And it took all the principle I had by me to git up even a emotion of pity for the one-eyed watcher, whose only recreation seemin’ly durin’ that long, long day wuz to watch our party as clost as any cat ever watched a rat hole, and to kinder hang round us. Faith kep’ pretty clost to me all day and seemed to take a good deal of comfort watchin’ the entrancin’ scenery round us.

Oh what beautiful sights! What enchantin’ views of the water; or, if the light struck it jest right, the long, blue, undilating plain, dotted with gold points of light. Islands with the virgin forest stretchin’ down to the edge of the water, and cool green shadders layin’ on the velvet and mossy sward as you could see as104you looked into the green aisles. And all sorts of trees with different foliage, some loose and feathery, some with shinin’ leaves, glitterin’ where the rain had washed ’em the night before; some towerin’ up towards the heavens, shakin’ their heads at the sun; some droopin’ down as if weighted with their wealth of branches and green leaves; anon a tree covered with flowers, and then some evergreens, and anon one that had ketched in its brilliant leaves the red hectic of autumn fever and blazed out in crimson and yeller. And then a hull lot of evergreens standin’ up straight and tall by the water’s edge, and as fur back as you could see, but sort o’ reachin’ out their green arms towards the river. And them on the edge, lookin’ down into the clear depths and seein’ there another island, a shadow island layin’ beautiful and serene with nothin’ disturbin’ its beauty but the shinin’ ripples wavin’ the fairy branches below, like the soft wind rustlin’ the tree tops overhead.

So we sailed on by hamlet and town, rounded tree-crowned promontores, swep’ out into broader vistas stretchin’ out like a lake, anon goin’ by a big island lookin’ like the shore of the mainland, goin’ right up aginst it seemin’ly, as if the boat must strike it and git onto wheels105and travel as a wagon if it calculated to proceed onwards at all. But jest as we would think in a nautical way: “Land ahoy! land ahoy! oh, heave out and walk afoot,” jest as these nautical terms would be passin’ through our alarmed foretops, the boat would turn its prow slowly but graceful, round to a port-the-helm, or starboard ditto, and we would glide out through a narrow way onbeknown to us, onto a long, glassy road layin’ fair and serene ahead.

Then more islands, then more narrer channels, then more broad ones. By Fiddler’s Elbow, named Heaven knows for what purpose, for no fiddle nor no elbow wuz in sight, nothin’ but island and water and rock all crowned with green verdure. Mebby it dates back to the time we read of when the stars sung together, and if stars sing, why shouldn’t islands dance, and if islands dance it stands to reason they must have a fiddle and one on ’em must fiddle. I do not say thisisso, but throw out this scientific theory as one of singular interest to the antiquarian and historian of the Thousand Islands.

Anon we entered the Lost Channel, agin the antiquarian sperit is rousted up as we inquire,106“When wuz it lost? and how long? And when wuz it found agin, and who found it?” Way back in the dawn of creation, did the dimplin’ channel git kinder restive and try to run off by itself, and flow round and act? Or did the big leap down Niagara skair it so that it run away and never stopped runnin’ until it got all confused and light-headed among these countless islands, and wandered away and got lost and by the side of itself?

Deep antiquarian conundrums; stern geological interests! In grapplin’ with ’em I leaned over the taff-rail of the boat and looked way down into the blue green depths, seekin’ a answer. But the shinin’ waves on top seemed to glitter mockin’ly and fur down, down in the green waves, there seemed to look back a sort of a pityin’ gleam that said to me:

“Poor creeter! pass on with your little vague theories and conjectures; you don’t know any more about me than the rest on ’em do, who have tried to write about me.” I felt kinder took back and queer. So vain are we that we don’t like to have our carefully constructed theories overthrown. But even as I mused, a voice said to the right of me—a woman talkin’ to her little boy:107

“The Lost Channel was named from the fact that durin’ a war a large body of troops got lost here in the channel in the late autumn and could not find their way out, and was overtaken by the bitter cold and perished here.”

Well, mebby if is so, I d’no. But I wuzn’t knowin’ to it myself, nor Josiah wuzn’t. Well, onheedin’ our facts or fancies, the river bore us onwards on its breast. Past high green boulders risin’ up from the water with nothin’ on ’em, not even a tree; jest gray rock lookin’ some like a geni’s castle frownin’ down onto the intruders into their realm. Then anon a pile of high gray rocks crowned as the Sammist sez “with livin’ green.” Then in a minute more a little landlocked bay with placid water sweepin’ back into a pretty harbor, tree shaded, and mebby a boat anchored there like a soul at rest, or mebby a sail-boat with two young hearts in it driftin’ down the sea of their content, as the tiny waves rippled round their oars. Then a grand big mansion lookin’ down onto us kinder superciliously. Then a small, pretty farm house with snug outbuildings, a man lookin’ at us from the open barn door, and some children playin’ round the doorstep. Then a big island with grassy shores or wooded depths; then a tiny108island, not too big for a child’s playhouse, and some that wuz only a bit of rock peekin’ out of the water.

And fur off all the time when we could see it wuz the blue hazy distance full of beauty; ever-changin’ glimpses of loveliness, givin’ place to new beauties. Fur off, fur off sometimes we could see distant pinnacles and towers, all bathed in the blue shinin’ mist. And as the rapt eyes of our Fancy gazed on ’em, they might have been the towers of the New Jerusalem, the Golden city, so dreamlike, so inexpressibly lovely did they seem faintly photographed aginst the soft blue distant heavens.

But cold Reality said in her chillin’ practical whisper, “It’s nothin’ but Gananoque or Clayton,” and she went on, “They hain’t anything like the New Jerusalem, either of them.”

Alas for us poor mortals! who drive or are driv by the two contendin’ coharts of Imagination, Idealized Fancy and practical Reality. And she always will have the last word, Reality will, and her voice is loud and shrill, and it penetrates into the warm, sweet Indian summer air, where Fancy dwells and where we sometimes visit her for brief intervals. Too brief! too brief! for cold Reality is always hangin’109round; she is always up and dressed ready to put in her note.

I mentioned the metafor to Josiah and he sez, “Yes, it minds me of the man who was brought up before the judge by his wife. She complained he hadn’t spoke to her for five years. The judge ast him if that were so, and he said, ‘Yes, that’s so.’ ‘But why,’ sez the judge, ‘why hain’t you spoke to your wife for five years?’ And the man sez, ‘Because I didn’t want to interrupt her.’” Josiah declares it is true, but I believe it is jest a slur on wimmen.

But to resoom. Swiftly, silently we sped on with the islands about us, the blue sky overhead and the shadow islands below. And innumerable boats appeared far and near, some with white sails lifted, and followed below by a white shadow sail, and anon a big steamer would glide along, loaded down to its gunwale with crowds of gay pleasure seekers, who would wave their snowy handkerchiefs and salute us, the steamer backin’ ’em with its deep grum voice. Or anon we could see a big dark barge sailin’ along, and Fancy would whisper to us as we gazed on its mysterious dark sides without a soul in sight:

“It may be the phantom of some old Pirate110ship, condemned for its sins to cruise along forever in strange waters, homesick for its native seas.” But Reality spoke right up jest as she always will and said it wuz probable some big lake steamer heavy loaded with grain or some great Canadian boat. And then a new seen of beauty would drift into our vision and take our minds off and carry ’em away some distance. Oh, it is no wonder that Faith’s soft eyes grew more tender and luminous.

Josiah felt the beauty of the seen, he felt it deeply, but everybody knows that beauty affects folks differently, it always seems to sharpen up my dear companion’s appetite, and three cookies in as many minutes wuz offered up on the shrine of his vivid appreciation, and two nut cakes.

We got back to our hotel, the sun about an hour high. Jest before our bark swep’ into the haven, and while Josiah and Faith had crossed over to the opposite side of our bark, I hearn a voice on the off quarter windward, and I turned round and see to my dismay that it wuz Mr. Pomper. He sez to me in a low voice, while his looks spoke volumes of yellow colored literatoor: “I wish to speak a few words to111you alone, mum. Can you give me the opportunity?”

I looked him full in that eye of hisen, a hauty cold look, a look as much as 40 degrees below freeze, and said nothin’ else but jest that look.

“I have somethin’ very important to say to you. Can you hear me?”

Words wuz risin’ to my tongue that would wither him forever, and end the vile persecutions I wuz undergoin’, when before I could speak the gang plank wuz charged back agin Mr. Pomper’s foot in a way that made him leap back like a sportive elephant, and for the moment I wuz free. But as I wended my pensive way up to the hotel, I made up my mind that if he ever approached me agin I would plainly tell him what wuz what, and so end my purturbations of mind; for I felt if it wuz to go on much longer I should lose a pound of flesh, and mebby a pound and a half, in the stiddy wearin’ persecution I wuz undergoin’. And that night at dinner as I ketched the light smoulderin’ in that lonely orb, as it wuz bent on our table, and the corner in parlor and piazza where we wuz ensconced, I wondered anew what wuz the attractions that kep’ Mr. Pomper so stiddy at my shrine, And I got so112that I almost hated the good looks that wuz ondoin’ him and me too. And I looked into the glass dreamily as I wadded up my back hair and did up the front, and pinned my cameo pin onto my rich cotton and wool parmetty, and wondered if it wuzn’t my duty to leave off that pin, and change that parmetty for calico, and sort o’ frowzle up my hair onbecomingly in order to wean him from me. But alas! my principles did not seem able to git up onto that bite, so weak are we poor mortals after all our aspirin’ efforts.

One curious thing I have ever noticed among men (and wimmen too) and that is the ease and facility with which they will slip out of statements and idees they have promulgated, and turn around in their tracts as easy and graceful as a dummy before a show case. Now there wuz a party to be gin to the hotel for a charitable purpose, each man and woman present givin’ 25 cents, and then havin’ a social time afterwards, and as the object wuz good I sez to my pardner, “I would like to attend to it.” And he acted fairly skairt and horrow struck at the idee and went on eloquent about old folks at our ages, and with our professions, and our rumatiz, follerin’ up gayety and show. Sez he,113“The place for us evenin’s is in our own room readin’ our Bibles and Tracks.”

And I sez as I calmly wadded up my back hair and smoothed my foretop, “Well, I spoze I can go alone if you feel so.”

Then another thought seemed to roust him up; Jealousy seemed to strike her sharp prongs into his slender side, and he sez bitterly, “Yes, goin’ down alone into a perfect mawlstrom of men flirtin’ and actin’!”

“The mawlstrom won’t hurt me,” sez I, “I hain’t goin’ nigh it.” But even as I spoke I thought of Mr. Pomper, and sez to myself, Can I help him from comin’ nigh me? And as if in answer to my onspoken thoughts my pardner sez:

“Mawlstroms will draw anybody in onbeknown to them; they’re deadly dangerous!” And I see him gin a kin’ of a shiver. I wuz touched to the heart by the thought of his devotion, and as I fastened my cameo pin more firmly into the rich folds of parmetty at my neck, I sez:

“Dear Josiah, I don’t know but you’re right. I feel as though I want you near me to protect me.” That melted his heart, but alas, did not affect his pocket book, and he sez, “I would go114down with you in a minute, Samantha, but jest consider on the 50 cents we would spend there, how much comfort that would bring to some lonely widder, mebby a blind woman, who is a-hunger and ye fed her not.”

I looked stiddy at him and sez I, “Josiah Allen, will that poor widder git that fifty cents?”

He answered evasive, and I went on, “It is easy to make the excuse that the money you are asked for in charity will do so much more good somewhere else, but,” sez I sternly, “the money don’t git there, and you know it.” He still kep’ his hand in his pocket round that pocket book I believe, whilst he took a new tact: “The air, Samantha, in that room will be stiflin’, and if I should take you into that place and you should stifle, I should die away myself, I couldn’t live a minute without you, dear Samantha,” sez he.

Well, my tizik wuz pretty bad in crowded places and suffice it to say, that though his arguments didn’t convince me, they sort o’ overpowered me for the time bein’, and we stayed in our own room.

Now to show the facility with which folks will turn right round and revolve, I will tell115how Josiah seemin’ly forgot mawlstroms, bad air, rumatiz, ages, meetin’ housen, principles, etc., and turned right round on the pivot of his inclination. A day or two after he heard down in the office about the dancin’ parties they had in the parlor anon or oftener, and he come up into our room enthused with the idee and wanted to branch out and go that night, and I sez:

“What about mawlstroms and gayety, Josiah Allen?”

“Oh,” he sez, “I shall be there to protect you, Samantha, no mawlstrom can draw you in and destroy you, whilst I have a drop of blood left in my veins! I’ll protect you here, and I’d protect you at Coney Island,” sez he—(that idee never left his mind I believe).

“What about the bad air?” sez I.

“Oh the winder will probable be open, and you can take your turkey feather fan with you.” And then I dropped my half jocular tone and sez in deadly earnest:

“Be I leanin’ on a Methodist pillow or be I not? Have I a deacon by my side or haven’t I?”

But Josiah seemed calm and even gay sperited under my two reproachful orbs that poured their search lights into his very soul, and he sez:116

“From all I hear it hain’t a wicked dance at all, but jest a pretty dancin’ party down in the parlor, jined in by men and wimmen and their children and mebby their grand-children, and it is always so sweet,” sez he, “to see a man and his grand-children dancin’ together. Oh, if Delight wuz only here!” sez he.

I riz up and sez in almost heart breakin’ axents:

“Josiah Allen, be you a thinkin’ of dancin’ yourself?”

“No,” sez he, “no, Samantha, I jest want to look on a spell, that’s all.”

But there wuz a look in his eyes that I hated to see, for I had seen it many times in the past, and it had always foreboded trials to me and humiliation to my pardner. How queer human critters be! what strange and mysterious tacts they will git on and how they will foller up them tacts and fads of theirn. But I d’no as human critters are any worse about follerin’ up their tacts and fads and follerin’ ’em blind, than old Mom Nater is. Now who hain’t noticed her queer moods and how prolonged they be, and how sudden and onexpected they will come onto her? When she takes it into her head to have a pleasant spell of weather, how she’ll117foller it up, clear skies, pleasant days and nights for weeks and weeks. And if she takes it into her head to have it rain, how she will keep the skies drippin’ right along for most all summer. And then when she has a dry spell, how dry she is! no matter how much the dwindlin’ creeks and empty wells and springs complain, she has got to carry out her own idees till she gits ready to change.

Josiah Allen, since I had been his pardner had took many a fad into his old head, which he had carried out as only Nater or a man can carry ’em, onreasonable, mysterious, out of season, but bound to let ’em run. Sometimes in the past it had been a desire for singin’ base that had laid holt on him, base in every sense the word can be used. Then agin he had painful and prolonged spells of wantin’ to be genteel and fashionable, then anon political ambition had rousted up his rusty old faculties and for months and months Coney Island had been his theme, and wuz now, and so on through a long roll of characters he had desired to play in the drama of life.

Butdancin’!never did I expect to see that man with his age and his profession and his achin’ old bones, wantin’ to dance. But so it118wuz, as will be seen in the follerin’ pages. Queer as a dog folks are on this planet, and I d’no but the Marites and Jupiters and Saturnses are jest as queer. But to quit eppisodin’ and resoom forwards agin.

I have always found that it hain’t best to draw the matrimonial rope too tight round your pardner’s jungular veins. I see he wuz sot on goin’ and I felt I would ruther he would go with me who could have some savin’ control over him, than to have him git reckless and sally off alone. So it wuz settled that we should go that night at early candle light. And Faith wuz to go with us. Yes, I, Josiah Allen’s wife, had gin my consent to go to a dance. But jest so the environin’ cord of circumstances gits us all wound up in its tangles time and agin. And as the way of poor weak mortals is, havin’ made up my mind to go I tried to bring to mind all the mitigatin’ circumstances I could. I thought of how the lambs capered on the hillside, how the leaves on the trees danced to the music of the south wind, and how even the motes swung round with each other in the sunlight. And then I thought of how David danced before the ark, and how Jeptha’s daughter danced out to meet her father (to be119sure she had her head took off for it, but I tried to not dwell on that side of the subject). And then I remembered how I did love music, and in spite of myself I felt kinder chirked up thinkin’ I should enjoy quite a long spell on’t. And thinkses I, if dancin’ is a little mite off from the hite Methodists ort to stand on, music is the most heavenly thing we can lay holt of below, so I sort o’ tried to even up them two peaks in my mind and lay a level onto ’em and try to make myself believe they struck about a fair plane of megumness, and shet my eyes to the idee that it slanted off some and wuz slippery.

Oh what weak creeters we be anyhow! Well, that night there wuz goin’ to be a extra big party, and I wuz for startin’ at once after supper, for truly I felt that I wuz performin’ a hard and arjous job, and as my way is I wuz for tacklin’ it to once and gittin’ over it. Yes, I felt it wuz goin’ to be a wearin’ job to git Josiah Allen to that parlor durin’ them festivities and back agin with no damage or scandal arisin’ from the enterprise.

But Faith sez, “It will be too early, they won’t begin to dance till eight. We eat at six.” And I sez, “For the land’s sake! if I’d120got to dance I should begin early and stop early, so’s to git a little rest.” And she sez:

“Young folks don’t think about that.”

Well, we compromised on half past seven (most bed-time). And when Faith knocked at our door at that epoch of time we wuz all ready. Josiah had carefully combed his few locks of gray hair upwards over his bald head, had donned a sweet smilin’ look, and a cravat, gayer fur than I approved of (he’d bought it durin’ the day onbeknown to me). And I had arrayed my noble figger in my usual cotton and wool brown dress, brightened up at the neck and sleeves with snowy collar and cuffs, and further enriched by the large cameo pin. I also carried a turkey feather fan that harmonized in color with my dress. I looked exceedingly well and felt well.

And Faith, I sez proudly to myself, a sweeter face and prettier dress won’t be seen there to-night. She did look lovely. Her soft eyes shone, her cheeks looked pinky, her hair, a sort of a golden brown with some gray in it, crinkled back from her white forward and wuz gathered in a loose knot on the top of her head with a high silver comb. Her dress wuz thin and white and gauzy, and though it wuz considerable121plain it wuz made beautiful by the big bunch of pale pink roses at her belt and bosom, jest matchin’ her cheeks in color.

I wuz proud of her. And I felt quite well about my other companion, for as I glanced at the small kerseymear figger and pert bald head, I sez to myself, “He makes a much better escort than none at all.”

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