It took ten million feet of glass thread, and Eulaly will look real sweet in it.It took ten million feet of glass thread, and Eulaly will look real sweet in it.
And oh, how I did wish, as I looked at it, that her ancestor could have seen it, and meditated how pert and forwards the land wuz that he'd discovered!
Glass dresses—the idee!
But Josiah looked kinder oneasy all the time that I wuz a-lookin' at it; he wuz afraid of what thoughts I might be entertainin' in my mind onbeknown to him, and he hurried me onwards.
But the very next place we come to be wuz still more anxious to proceed rapidly, for this wuz the Irish Village, where native wimmen make the famous Irish laces.
It wuz a perfect Irish village, lackin' the dirt, and broken winders, and the neighborly pigs, and etc.
At one end of it is the exact reproduction of the ancient castle Donegal, famed in song and story. In the rooms of this castle the lace wuz exhibited—beautiful laces as I ever see, or want to see, and piles and piles of it, and of every beautiful pattern.
I did hanker for some of it to trim a night-cap. As I told Josiah, "I wouldn't give a cent for any of the white lace dresses, not if I had to wear 'em, or white lace cloaks." Sez I, "I'd feel like a fool a-goin' to meetin' or to the store to carry off butter with a white lace dress on, or a white lace mantilly, but I would love dearly to own some of that narrer lace for a night-cap border."
But his anxiety wuz extreme to go on that very instant.
He wanted to see the Blarney stun on top of the tower of the castle. It is a stun about as big as Josiah's hat, let down below the floor, so's you have to stoop way down to even see it, let alone kissin' it.
Josiah wuz very anxious to kiss it, but I frowned on the needless expense.
Sez I, "Men don'tneedto kiss it; Blarney is born in 'em, as you may say, and is nateral nater to 'em."
Sez he, "But it is so stylish to embrace it, Samantha, and it only costs ten cents."
"But it is so stylish, Samantha, and it only costs ten cents.""But it is so stylish, Samantha, and it only costs ten cents."
"But," I sez firmly, "you hain't a-goin' to kiss no chunk of Chicago stun, Josiah Allen, or pay out your money for demeanin' yourself."
Sez I, "The original Blarney stun is right there in its place in the tower of Blarney Castle in Ireland. It hain't been touched, and couldn't be."
"I don't believe that Lady Aberdeen would allow no sech works to go on," sez he.
Sez I, "Lady Aberdeen can't help herself. How can a minister keep the hull of his congregation from lyin'?"
Sez I, "She is one of the nicest wimmen in the world—one of the few noble ones that reach down from high places, and lift up the lowly, and help the world. I don't spoze she knows about the Blarney stun. And don't you go to tellin' her," sez I severely, "and hurt her feelin's."
Sez he, in a morbid tone, "We hain't been in the habit of visitin' back and forth, and probable if we wuz, you'd tell her before I could if you got a chance. Wimmen have sech long tongues."
He wuz mad, as I could see, about my breakin' up his fashionable performance with that Chicago rock, but I didn't care.
I merely sez, "If you want to do anything to remember the place, you can buy me a yard and a half of linen lace to trim that night-cap, or a under-clothe, Josiah." But he acted agitated here, and sez he, "I presoom that it is cotton lace."
Sez I, "I wish you'd be megum, Josiah Allen. This lace is perfectly beautiful, and it is jest what they say it is.
"And what a noble thing it wuz," sez I, "for Lady Aberdeen to do to gin these poor Irish lace-makers a start that mebby will lift 'em right up into prosperity; and spozen," sez I, "that you buy me a yard or two?"
But he fairly tore me away from the spot. He acted fearful agitated.
But alas! for him, he found the next place we entered also exceedin'ly full of dangers to his pocket-book, for this wuz a Japanese Bazaar, where every kind of queer, beautiful manufactures can be bought—
He found the next place we entered full of dangers to his pocket-book.He found the next place we entered full of dangers to his pocket-book.
Rugs, bronzes, lacquer work, bamboo work, fans, screens, more tea-cups than you ever see before, and little silk napkins of all colors, where you can have your name wove right in it before your eyes, and etcetry, etcetry. Here also the peculiar fire department of the Japanese is kept.
The next large place is occupied by the Javanese; this concession and the one right acrost the road south of it is called the "Dutch Settlement," because the villages wuz got up by a lot of Dutch merchants.
But the people are from the Figi, Philippine, and Solomon Islands, Samoa, Java, Borneo, New Zealand, and the Polnesian Archipelagoes.
Jest think on't! there Josiah Allen and I wuz a-travellin' way off to places too fur to be reached only by our strainin' fancy—places that we never expected or drempt that we could see with our mortal eyes only in a gography.
Here I wuz a-walkin' right through their country villages with my faithful pardner by my side, and my old cotton umbrell in my hand, a-seemin' to anchor me to the present while I floated off into strange realms.
All these different countries show their native industries.
We went into the Japanese Village, under a high arch, all fixed off with towers, and wreaths, and swords—dretful ornimental.
There wuz more than a hundred natives here. Their housen are back in the inclosure, and their work-shops in front, and in these shops and porticos are carried on right before your eyes every trade known in Japan, and jest as they do it at home—carvers, carpenters, spinners, weavers, dyers, musicians, etc., etc. The colorin' they do is a sight to see, and takes almost a lifetime to learn.
The housen of this village are mostly made of bamboo—not a nail used in the place. Why, sometimes one hull side of their housen would be made of a mat of braided bamboo. Bamboo is used by them for food, shelter, war implements, medicine, musical instruments, and everything else. Their housen wuz made in Japan, and brung over here and set up by native workmen. They have thatched ruffs and kinder open-work sides, dretful curious-lookin', and on the wide porticos of these housen little native wimmen set and embroider, and wind skeins of gay-colored cotton, and play with their little brown black-eyed babies.
The costumes of the Japanese look dretful curious to us; their loose gay-colored robes and turbans, and sandals, etc., look jest as strange as Josiah's pantaloons and hat, and my bask waist duz to them, I spoze.
They're a pleasant little brown people, always polite—that is learnt 'em as regular as any other lesson. Then there is another thing that our civilized race could learn of the heathen ones.
Missionaries that we send out to teach the heathen let their own children sass 'em and run over 'em. That is the reason that they act so sassy when they're growed up. Politeness ort to be learnt young, even if it has to be stomped in with spanks.
The Japanese are a child-like people easily pleased, easily grieved—laughin' and cryin' jest like children.
They work all day, not fast enough to hurt 'em, and at nightfall they go out and play all sorts of native games.
That's a good idee. I wish that Jonesvillians would foller it. You'd much better be shootin' arrers from blowpipes than to blow round and jaw your household. And you'd much better be runnin' a foot race than runnin' your neighbors.
They've got a theatre where they perform their native dances and plays, and one man sets behind a curtain and duz all the conversation for all the actors. I spoze he changes his voice some for the different folks.
Wall, I led Josiah off towards the church, where all the articles of furniture is a big bamboo chair, where the priest sets and meditates when he thinks his people needs his thought.
I d'no but it helps 'em some, if he thinks hard enough—thoughts are dretful curious things, anyway.
Josiah and I took considerable comfort a-wanderin' round and seein' all we could, and noticin' how kind o' turned round things wuz from Jonesville idees.
Now, they had some queer-lookin' little store-housen, and for all the world they opened at the top instead of the sides, to keep the snakes out of the rice in their native land, so they said.
Josiah wuz jest crazy to have one made like it.
"Why," sez he, "think of the safety on't, Samantha! Who'd ever think of goin' into a corn house on top if they wanted to steal some corn?"
But I sez, "Foreign customs have got to be adopted with megumness, Josiah Allen." Sez I, "With your rumatiz, how would you climb up on't a dozen times a day?"
He hadn't thought of that, and he gin up the idee.
Then the ideal figger of the Japanese wimmen is narrer shoulders and big waist.
And though I hailed the big waist joyfully, I drawed the line at the narrer shoulders.
They have long poles about their housen, with holes bored in 'em, through which the wind blows with a mournful sort of a voice, and they think that that noise skairs away evil sperits.
When they come here each of their little verandas had a cage with a sacred bird in it to coax the good sperits; they all died off, and now they've got some pigens for 'em, and made 'em think that they wuz sacred birds.
And Josiah, as he see 'em, instinctively sez, "Dum 'em, I'd ruther have the evil sperits themselves round than them pigens, any time."
He hates 'em, and I spoze they do pull up seeds considerable.
Them Japanese wimmen are dretful cheerful-lookin', and Josiah and I talked about it considerable.
Sez Josiah, "It's queer when, accordin' to their belief, a man's horse can go to Heaven, but their wives can't; but the minute they leave this world another celestial wife meets him, and he and his earth wife parts forever. It is queer," sez he, "how under them circumstances that the wimmen can look so happy."
And I sez, "It can't be that they hail anhialation as a welcome rest from married life, can it?"
Josiah acted mad, and sez he, "I'd be a fool if I wuz in your place!"
And bein' kinder mad, he snapped out, "Them wimmen don't look as if they knew much more than monkeys; compared to American wimmen, it's a sight."
But I sez, "You can't always tell by looks, Josiah Allen." Sez I, "As small as they be, they've showed some of the greatest qualities since they've been here—Constancy, Fidelity, Love."
Now one of them females lost a baby while she wuz here. Did she act as some of our fashionable American wimmen do? No. They own twenty Saritoga trunks, and wear their entire contents, but they do, as is well known, commit crime to evade the cares of motherhood.
But this little woman right here in Chicago, she jest laid down broken-hearted and died because her baby died. Her true heart broke.
Little and humbly, no doubt, and not many clothes on, but from a upper view I wonder if her soul don't look better than the civilized, fashionably dressed murderess?
There wuz theatres here with dancin' girls goin' as fur ahead, they said, of Louie Fuller and Carmenciti as them two go ahead of Josiah and Deacon Sypher as skirt-dancers.
I guess that Josiah Allen would have gone in, regardless of price, to see this sight, so onbecomin' to a deacon and a grandfather, but I broke it up at the first hint he gin. Sez I, "What would your pasture say to your ondertakin' such a enterprise? What would be the opinion of Jonesville?"
"Dum it all," sez he; "David danced before the Ark."
"Wall," sez I, "I hain't seen no ark, and I hain't seen no David." Sez I reasonably, "I wouldn't object to your seein' David dance if he wuz here and I wouldn't object to your seein' the Ark."
"Oh, wall, have your own way," sez he, and we wandered into the German Village.
"Oh, wall, have your own way," sez he, and we wandered into the German Village."Oh, wall, have your own way," sez he, and we wandered into the German Village.
The German Village represents housen in the upper Bavarian Mountains.
There are thirty-six different buildin's. Inside the village is a Country Fair, the German Concert Garden, a Water Tower, and two Restaurants, Tyrolese dancers, Beer Hall, etc.
In the centre is a 16th century castle, with moat round it, and palisades.
Josiah wuz all took up with this, and said "how he would love to have a moat round our house." Sez he, "Jest let some folks that I know try to git in, wouldn't I jest hist up the drawbridge and drop 'em outside?"
And I sez, "Heaven knows, Josiah, that sech a thing would be convenient ofttimes, but," sez I, "anxieties and annoyances have a way of swimmin' moats, you can't keep 'em out."
But he said "that he believed that he and Ury could dig a moat, and rig up a drawbridge." And to git his mind off on't I hurried him on.
Inside the castle is a dretful war-like-lookin' group of iron men, all dressed upin full uniform, and there wuz all kinds of weepons and armor of Germany.
The Town Hall of this village is a museum.
In the village market-place is sold all kinds of German goods. Two bands of music pipe up, and everybody is a-talkin' German. It made it considerable lively to look at, but not so edifyin' to us as if we knew a word they said.
And then come the Street of Cairo, a exact representation of one of the most picturesque streets in old Cairo, with queer-lookin' kinder square housen, and some of the winders stood open, through which we got lovely views of a inner court, with green shrubs, and flowers, and fountains.
On both sides of this street are dance halls, mosques, and shops filled with manufactures from Arabia and the Soudan. In the Museum are many curious curiosities from Cairo and Alexandria.
And the street is filled with dogs, and donkeys, and children and fortune-tellers, and dromedaries, and sedan chairs, with their bearers, and camels, and birds, and wimmen with long veils on coverin' most of their faces, jest their eyes a-peerin' out as if they would love to git acquainted with the strange Eastern world, where wimmen walk with faces uncovered, and swung out into effort and achievement.
I guess they wuz real good-lookin'. I know that the men with their turbansand long robes looked quite well, though odd. In the shops wuz the most beautiful jewelry and precious stuns, and queer-lookin' but magnificent silk goods, and cotton, and lamps, and leather goods, and weepons, etc., etc., etc.
Wall, right there, as we wuz a-wanderin' through that street, from the handsomest of the residences streamed forth a bridal procession. The bride wuz dressed in gorgeous array of the beautiful fabrics of the East.
And the bridegroom, with a train of haughty-lookin' Arabs follerin' him, all swept down the streets towards the Mosque, with music a-soundin' out, and flowers a-bein' throwed at 'em, and boys a-yellin', and dogs a-barkin', etc., etc.
I drew my pardner out of the way, for he stood open-mouthed with admiration a-starin' at the bride, and almost rooted to the spot.
A-starin' at the bride.A-starin' at the bride.
But I drawed him back, and sez I, "If you've got to be killed here, Josiah Allen, I don't want you killed by a Arab."
And he sez, "I d'no but I'd jest as lieves be killed by a Arab as a Turkey.
"But," sez he, "you tend to yourself, and I'll tend to myself. I wuz jest a-studyin' human nater, Samantha."
And that wuz all the thanks I got for rescuin' him.
It wuz jest as interestin' to walk through that village as it would be to go to Egypt, and more so—for we felt considerable safer right under Uncle Sam's right arm, as it wuz—for here we wuz way off in Africa, amongst their minarets and shops, and tents, men, wimmen, and children in their strange garbs, dancin', playin' music, cookin' and servin' their food, jest as though they wuz to hum, and we wuz neighborin' with 'em, jest as nateral as we neighbor to hum with Sister Henzy or she that wuz Submit Tewksbury.
Then there wuz some native Arabs with 'em who wuz a-eatin' scorpions, and a-luggin' round snakes, and a-cuttin' and piercin' themselves with wicked-lookin' weepons, and eatin' glass; I wuz glad enough to git out of there. I hate daggers, and abominate snakes, and always did.
And then I knew what a case Josiah Allen is to imitate and foller new-fangled idees, and I didn't want my new glass butter dish and cream pitcher to fall a victim to his experiments.
Wall, next come Algeria and Tunis, and then Tunicks showed jest how they lived and moved in their own Barbery's state.
Their housen are beautiful, truly Oriental—white, with decorations of pale green, blue, and vermilion.
One is a theatre that will hold 600 folks.
Then comes the panorama of the big volcano Kilauana.
They couldn't bring the volcano with 'em, as volcanoes can't be histed round and lifted up on camels, or packed with sawdust, specially when they're twenty-seven milds acrost.
So they brung this great picter of it. I spoze it is a sight to see it.
But Josiah felt that he couldn't afford to go in and see the sight, and he sez, "It is only a hole with some fire and ashes comin' out of the top of it."
I sez ironically, "Some like our leech barrel, hain't it, with a few cinders on top?"
"Why, yes; sunthin' like that," sez he. "It wouldn't pay to throw away money on ashes and fire that we can see any day to hum."
I didn't argue with him, for I never took to volcanoes much—I never loved to git intimate with 'em. But it wuz a sight to behold, so Miss Plank said—she went in to see it. She said, "It took her breath away the sight on't, but she's got itback agin (the breath); she talked real diffuse about it. But to resoom. The Chinese Village wuz jest like goin' through China or bein' dropped down onbeknown to you into a China village.
Two hundred Chinamen are here by a special dispensation of Uncle Sam.
And next to China is the Captive Balloon. I had wondered a sight what that meant.
Josiah thought that somebody had catched a young balloon, and wuz bringin' it up by hand, but I knew better than that. I knew that balloons didn't grow indigenious.
And it wuz jest as I'd mistrusted—they had a big balloon here all tied up ready to start off at a minute's notice.
You jest paid your money, and you could go on a trip up in it through the blue fields of air. I told Josiah "that it wouldn't be but a few years before folks would ride round in 'em jest as common as they do in wagons." Sez I, "Mebby we shall have a couple of our own stanchled up in our own barn."
"You mean tied up," sez he, and I do spoze I did mean that.
But now to look up at the great deep overhead, and consider the vastness of space, and consider the smallness of the ropes a-holdin' the balloon down, I said to myself, "Mebbyit wuz jest as well not to tackle the job of ridin' out in it that day."
Jest as I wuz a-meditatin' this Josiah spoke up, and sez, "I won't pay out no two dollars apiece to ride in it."
And I sez, "I kinder want to go up in it, and I kinder don't want to."
And he sez, "That is jest like wimmen—whifflin', onstabled, weak-livered."
Sez I, "I believe you're afraid to go up in it."
"Afraid!" sez he; "I wouldn't be afraid a mite if it broke loose and sailed off free into space."
"Why don't you try it, then?" I urged. "Wall," he sez, a-lookin' round as if mebby he could find some excuse a-layin' round on the ground, or sailin' round in the air, "if I wuz," sez he—"if I had another vest on. I hain't dressed up exactly as I'd want to be to go a-balloon ridin'.
"And then," sez he, a-brightenin' up, "I don't want to skair you. You'd most probable be skairt into a fit if it should break loose and start off independent into space. And it would take away all my enjoyment of such a pleasure excursion to see you a-layin' on the earth in a fit."
Sez I, "It hain't vests or affection that holds you back, Josiah Allen—it's fear."
"Fear!" sez he; "I don't know the meanin' of that word only from what I've read about it in the dictionary. Men don't know what it is to be afraid, and that is why," sez he, "that I've always been so anxious to have wimmen keep in her own spear, where men could watch over her, humble, domestic, grateful.
"Nater plotted it so," sez he; "nater designs the male of creation to branch out, to venter, to labor, to dare, while the female stays to hum and tends to her children and the housework." Sez he, "In all the works of nater the females stay to hum, and the males soar out free.
"It is a sweet and solemn truth," sez he, "and female wimmen ort to lay it to heart. In these latter days," sez he, "too many females are a-risin' up, and vainly a-tryin' to kick aginst this great law. But they can't knock it over," sez he—"the female foot hain't strong enough."
He wuz a-goin' on in this remarkably eloquent way on his congenial theme, but I kinder drawed him in by remindin' him of Miss Sheldon's tent we see in the Transportation Buildin'—the one she used in her lonely journeyin' a-explorin' the Dark Continent. Sez I, "There is a woman that has kinder branched out."
"Yes," sez he, "but men had to carry her." Sez he, "Samantha, the Lord designed it that females should stay to hum and tend to theirbabies, and wash the dishes. And when you go aginst that idee you are goin' aginst the everlastin' forces of nater. Nater has always had laws sot and immovable, and always will have 'em, and a passel of wimmen managers or lecturers hain't a-goin' to turn 'em round.
"Nater made wimmen and sot 'em apart for domestic duties—some of which I have enumerated," sez he.
"Whilst the males, from creation down, have been left free to skirmish round and git a livin' for themselves and the females secreted in the holy privacy of the hum life."
Jest as he reached this climax we come in front of the Ostrich Farm, where thirty of the long-legged, humbly creeters are kept, and we hearn the keeper a-describin' the habits of the ostriches to some folks that stood round him.
And Josiah, feelin' dretful good-natered and kinder patronizin' towards wimmen, and thinkin' that he wuz a-goin' to be strengthened in his talk by what the man wuz a-sayin', sez to me in a dretful, overbearin', patronizin' way, and some with the air as if he owned a few of the ostriches, and me, too, he kinder stood up straight and crooked his forefinger and bagoned to me.
"Samantha," sez he, "draw near and hear these interestin' remarks. I always love," sez he, "to have females hear about the works of nater. It has a tendency," sez he, "to keep her in her place."
Sez the man as we drew near, a-goin' on with his remarks—he wuz addressin' some big man—but we hearn him say, sez he—
"The ostrich lays about a dozen and a half eggs in the layin' season—one every other day—and then she sets on the eggs about six hours out of the twenty-four, the male bird takin' her place for eighteen hours to her six.
"The male bird, as you see, stays to hum and sets on the eggs three times as long as she duz, and takes the entire care of the young ostriches, while the female roams round free, as you may say."
I turned round and sez to Josiah, "How interestin' the works of Nater are, Josiah Allen. How it puts woman in her proper spear, and men, too!"
He looked real meachin' for most a minute, and then a look of madness and dark revenge come over his liniment. A tall, humbly male bird stood nigh him, as tall agin most as he wuz.
And as I looked at Josiah he muttered, "I'll learn him—I'll learn the cussed fool to keep in his own spear."
I laid holt of his vest, and sez I, "What, do you mean, Josiah Allen, by them dark threats? Tell me instantly," sez I, for I feared the worst.
"Seein' this dum fool is so willin' to take work on him that don't belong for males to do, I'll give him a job at it. I'll see if I can't ride some of the consarned foolishness out of him."
Sez I, "Be calm, Josiah; don't throw away your own precious life through madness and revenge. The ostrich hain't to blame, he's only actin' out Nater."
"Nater!" sez Josiah scornfully—"Nater for males to stay to hum and set on eggs, and hatch 'em, and brood young ones? Don't talk to me!"
He wuz almost by the side of himself.
And in spite of my almost frenzied appeals to restrain him, he lanched upon him.
You could ride 'em by payin' so much, and money seemed to Josiah like so much water then, so wild with wrath and revenge wuz he.
I see he would go, and I reached my hand up, and sez I, "Dear Josiah, farewell!"
But he only nodded to me, and I hearn him murmurin' darkly—
"Seein' he's so dum accommodatin' that he's took wimmen's work on him that they ort to do themselves, I'll give him a pull that will be apt to teach him his own place."
"I'll give him a pull that will be apt to teach him his own place.""I'll give him a pull that will be apt to teach him his own place."
And he started off at a fearful rate; round and round that inclosure they went, Josiah layin' his cane over the sides of the bird, and the keeper a-yellin' at him that he'd be killed.
And when they come round by us the first time I heard him a-aposthrofizin' the bird—
"Don't you want to set on some more eggs? don't you want to brood a spell?" and then he would kick him, and the ostrich would jump, and leap, and rare round. But the third time he come round I see a change—I see deadly fear depictered in his mean, and sez he wildly—
"Samantha, save me! save me! I am lost!" sez he.
I wuz now in tears, and I sez wildly—
"I will save that dear man, or perish!" and I wuz jest a-rushin' into the inclosure when they come a-tearin' round for the fourth time, and jest a little ways from us the ostrich give a wild yell and leap, and Josiah wuz thrown almost onto our feet.
As the keeper rushed in to pick him up, we see he held a feather in his hand.
He thought it wuz tore out by excitement, and Josiah clinched the feathers to save himself.
But Josiah owned up to me afterwards that he gin up that he wuz a-goin' to be killed, and that his last thought wuz as he swooned away—wuz how much ostrich feathers cost, and how sweet it would be to give me a last gift of dyin' love, by pickin' a feather off for nothin'.
I groaned and sithed when he told me, and sez I, "What won't you do next, Josiah Allen?"
But this wuz hereafter, and to pick up the thread of my story agin.
Wall, Josiah wuzn't killed, he wuz only stunted, and he soon recovered his conscientousness.
And before half a hour passed away he wuz a-talkin' as pert as you please, a-boastin' of how he would tell it in Jonesville. Sez he, "I wonder what Deacon Henzy will say when I tell him that I rode abird while I wuz here?" Sez he, "He never rode a crow or a sparrer."
"Nor you, nuther," sez I; "how could you ride a crow?"
"Wall," sez he, "I've rid a ostrich, and the news will cause great excitement in Jonesville, and probable up as fur as Zoar and Loontown."
Then come Solomon's Temple. Josiah and I both felt that that wuz a good scriptural sight, worthy of a deacon and a deaconess, for some say that that is the proper way to address a deacon's wife.
But come to find out, the Temple wuz inside of a house, and you had to pay to go in.
And I sez, "Less pay, Josiah Allen, and go in."
And he said that "it wuzn't scriptural. Solomon's Temple in Bible times never had a house built round it. And he wuzn't a-goin' to encourage folks to go on and build meetin'-housen inside of other housen.
"Why," sez he, "if that idee is encouraged, they will be for buildin' a house round the Jonesville meetin'-house, and we will have to pay to go in."
Sez he, "Less show our colors for the right, Samantha."
The argument wuz a middlin' good one, though I felt that there wuzn't no danger.
But he went on ahead, and I had to foller on after him, like two old ducks goin' to water.
I guess that if it had been free he wouldn't have insisted on our showin' our colors.
Wall, the end of the Plaisance wuz devoted to soldiers, military displays, and camps and drill grounds.
Quite a spacious place, as big as two city blocks, and it must have been very interestin' for war-like people to look on and see 'em in their handsome uniforms, a-marchin', and a-counter-marchin', and a-haltin', and a-presentin' arms, etc., etc.
And there wuz gardens and orange groves nigh by, too, where you could see ripe oranges and green ones hangin' to the same trees—dretful interestin' sight.
Wall, if you would turn back agin and go towards the Fair ground on the south side, a Hungarian Orpheum is seen first. This is a dance hall, theatre, and restaurant all combined.
Folks can dance here all the time from mornin' till night, if they want to, but we didn't want to dance—no, indeed! nor see it; our legs wuz too wore out, and so wuz our eyes, so we wended on to the Lapland Village.
The main buildin' in this is a hundred feet long, with a square tower in the centre.
Above the main entrance is a large paintin' representin' a scene in Lapland. Inside the inclosure are the huts of a Lapland Village, with the Laps all there to work at their own work.
What a marvellous change for them! Transported from a country where there is eight months of total darkness, and four months of twilight or midnight sun, and so cold that no instrument has ever been invented to tell how cold it is.
When the frozen seas and ice and snow is all they can see from birth till death.
I wonder what they think of the change to this dazzlin' daylight, and the grandeur and bloom of 1893!
But still they seem to weather it out a considerable time in their own icy home.
King Bull, who is in Chicago, is one hundred and twelve years old, and is a five great-grandpa.
And most of the five generations of children is with him here. But marryin' as they do at ten or twelve, they can be grandpa a good many times in a hundred years, as well as not.
In this village is their housen, their earth huts, their tepees, orniments, reindeers, dogs, sledges, fur clothin', boats, fishin' tackle, etc., etc.
As queer a sight as I ever see, and here it wuz agin, my Josiah and me a-journeyin' way off in Lapland—the idee!
My Josiah and me a-journeyin' way off in Lapland—the idee!My Josiah and me a-journeyin' way off in Lapland--the idee!
The Dahomey Village come next. This shows the homes and customs of that country where the wimmen do all the fightin'.
I sez to Josiah, "What a curiosity that wuz!"
And he sez, "I d'no about the curiosity on't. It don't seem so to me; some wimmen fight with their fists," sez he, "and some with their tongues."
That wuz his mean, onderhanded way of talkin'.
But these wimmen are about as humbly as they make wimmen anywhere.
And as for clothes, they are about as poor on't for 'em as anybody I see to the Fair. They had on jest as few as they could.
They say their war dances is a sight to see. But I didn't let Josiah look on any dancin' or anything of the kind that I couldhelp. I did not forget what I mistrusted he sometimes lost sight on, when he's on towers—that he wuz a deacon and a grandpa.
He acted kinder longin' to the last. He said "he spozed it wuz a sight to see 'em dance and beat their tom-toms."
And I sez, "I don't want to see no children beat; and," sez I, "what did Tom do to deserve beatin'?"
Sez he, "I meant their drums, and the stuns they roll round in their husky skin bags, and cymbals," sez he.
"Then," sez I, "why didn't you say so?"
Sez he, "I spoze to see them humbly creeters with rings in their noses, a-dancin' and contortin' their bodies, and twistin' 'em round, is a sight. And I spoze the noises is as deafenin' as it would be for all the Jonesville meetin'-house to knock all the tin pans and bilers they could git holt of together, and yell.
"And they don't wear nothin' but some feathers," sez he.
"Wall," sez I, "I don't want to see no sech sight, and I don't want you to."
And dretful visions, as I said it, rolled through my mind of the awful day it would be for Jonesville, if Josiah Allen should carry home anysuch wild idees, and git the other old Jonesvillians stirred up in it.
To see him, and Deacon Henzy, and Deacon Bobbet, and the rest dressed up in a few feathers a-jumpin' round, and a-beatin' tin-pans, and a-contortin' their old frames, would, I thought, be the finishin' touch to me. I had stood lots of his experimentin' and branchin's out into new idees, but I felt that I could not brook this, so I would not heed his desire to stop. I made him move onwards.
And then come Austria. There is thirty-six buildin's here, and they show Austrian life and costumes in every particular.
Then come the Police Station, and Fire Department, and then a French Cider Press; but I didn't care nothin' about seein' that—cider duz more hurt than whiskey enough sight, American or French, and it wuzn't any treat to me to see it made, or drunk up, nor the effects on it nuther.
Then there wuz a large French Restaurant, one of the best-built structures on the ground.
Then come right along St. Peter's, jest as it is in this world, saints a-follerin' sinners.
It is the exact model of the Church of St. Peter's at Rome.
I would go in to see that, and Josiah consented after a parley.
It is the exact model down to the most minute details of that most wonderful glory of art. It is about thirty feet long, and about three times as high as Josiah, and it is a sight to remember; it is perfectly beautiful.
In this buildin' where the model is seen is some portraits of the different Popes, and besides these large models is some smaller ones of the beautiful Cathedral of Milan, the Piambino Palace, the Pantheon, and a statute of St. Peter himself.
Good old creeter, how I've always liked him, and thought on him!
But Josiah hurried me almost beyend my strength on the way out, for the Ferris Wheel wuz indeed nigh to us, and I forgive Josiah for his ardor when I see it.
The Ferris Wheel wuz indeed nigh to us, and I forgive Josiah for his ardor when I see it.The Ferris Wheel wuz indeed nigh to us, and I forgive Josiah for his ardor when I see it.
If there wuz nothin' else to the World's Fair but jest that wheel, it would pay well to go clear from Jonesville to Chicago to see it. It stands up aginst the sky like a huge spider-web. It is two hundred and fifty feet in diameter—jest one wheel; think of that! As wide as twenty full-sized city houses—the idee! And there are thirty-six cars hitched to it, and sixty persons can ride in each car. So you can figger it out jest how much that huge spider-web catches when it gits in motion. Wall, my feelin's when I wuz a-bein' histed up through the air wuz about half and half—half sublimity and orr as I looked out on the hull glory of the world spread at my feet, and Lake Michigan, and everything—
That part wuz clear riz up and noble, and then the other half wuz a skittish feelin' and a-wonderin' whether the tacklin' would give way, and we should descend with a smash.
But the fifty-nine other people in the car with me didn't seem to be afraid, and I thought of the thirty-five other cars, all full, and a-swingin' up in the air with me; and the thought revived me some, and I managed to maintain my dignity and composure.
Josiah acted real highlarious, and he wanted to swing round time and agin; he said "he would give a cent to keep a-goin' all day long."
But I frowned on the idee, and I hurried him off by the model of the Eiffel Tower into Persia.
There it wuz agin, my pardner and I a-travellin' in Persia—the very same Persia that our old Olney's gography had told us about years and years ago—a-visitin' it our own selves.
I see the bazaars and booths all filled with the costliest laces, and rugs, and embroideries, and the Persians themselves a-sellin' 'em.
But Josiah hurried me along at a fearful rate, for I had got my eye onto some lace that I wanted.
I did not want to be extravagant, but I did want some of that lace; I thought how it would set off that night-cap.
But he said "that Jonesville lace wuz good enough if I had got to have any; but," sez he, "I don't wear lace on my night-cap."
"No," sez I; "how lace would look on a red woollen night-cap!"
"Wall," sez he, "why don't you wear red woollen ones?"
Sez I, "Josiah, you're not a woman."
"No," sez he; "you wouldn't catch a man goin' to Persia for trimmin' for a night-cap."
His axents jarred onto me, and mechanically I follered him into the Moorish Palace.
One reason why I follered him so meekly and willin'ly, I didn't know but he would broach the subject of seein' them Persian wimmen dance.
And I felt that I would ruther give a hull churnin' of fall's butter than to have his moral old mind contaminated with the sight.
For they do say, them who have seen the sight, that "them Persian dancin' girls carry dancin' clear to the very verge of ondecency, and drop way off over the verge."
I see lots of wimmen comin' out with their fan held before their blushin' faces.
They say that wimmen fairly enjoy a-goin' in there to be horrified.
They go day after day, they say, so to come out all horrified up, and their faces bathed in blushes.
The men didn't come out at all, so they said.
Wall, Josiah Allen didn't git in—no, indeed. I remembered the Jonesville meetin'-house, our pasture, and the grandchildren, and kept 'em before him all the time, so I tided him over that crisis.
Now, I never had paid any attention to the Moors, and Josiah hadn't; we never had had any to neighbor with, and I felt that I wuzn't acquainted with 'em at all, unless of course I had a sort of bowin' acquaintance, as it wuz, with that one old Moor in my Olney's gography in my school-days.
And what I'd seen of him didn't seem to make me hanker after any further acquaintance with him.
But when I see that Palace of theirn I felt overwhelmed with shame and regret to think I'd always slighted 'em so, and never had made any overtoors towards becomin' intimate with 'em.
The outside on't wuz splendid enough to almost take your breath, with its strange and gorgeous magnificence. It wuz sech a contrast in its construction to the Exposition Buildin's that lift their domes in such glory on the East.
But if the outside struck a blow onto our admiration and astonishment, what—what shall I say of the inside?
Why, as I entered that magnificent arched vestibule, with my faithful pardner by my side, and my good cotton umbrell grasped in my right hand, the view wuz pretty nigh overwhelmin' in its profusion of orniment and gorgeous decoration.
That first look seemed to take me back to Spain right out of Chicago, and other troubles. I wuz a-roamin' there with Mr. Washington Irving, and Mr. Bancroft, and other congenial and descriptive minds, and surrounded with the gorgeous picters of that old time.
I wuz back, I should presoom to say, as much, if not more, than four hundred years, when all to once I was recalled by my companion.
"Dum it, I didn't know they charged folks for goin' to meetin'!"
"Hush!" sez I; "this is not a meetin'-house, this is a palace; be calm!"
And comin' down through the centuries as sudden as if jerked by a electric lasso of lightnin', I see that old familiar sight of a man a-settin' a-sellin' tickets.
And Josiah with a deep sithe paid our fares, and we meandered onwards.
Right beyend the ticket man, to the right on him, wuz a colonnade runnin' round a circular room covered with a ruff in the shape of a tent. The ceilin' and walls are covered with landscape views of Southern Spain, and a mandolin orchestra carried out the idee of a Andulusian Garden.
And then comes a labyrinth of columns and mirrors, and through 'em and round 'em and up overhead wuz splendor on splendor of orniment, gorgeousness on gorgeousness.
These columns are made to put one in mind of the Alhambria, where we so often strayed with our friend Washington Irving.