Strictly speaking, the act of coitus should be considered as composed of four parts, or acts, of one common play, or drama. Not that there is a sharp line of demarcation between each act or part, for thefourreally blend intoonecomposite whole, when taken together, seriatim; but there arefour phasesof the act which may well be studied separately, in making a detailed review of a sexual meeting of a man and a woman.
These four parts are:first, the preparation for the act;second, theunionof the organs;third, the motion of the organs;fourth, the orgasm.
In what immediately follows, thesefourstages of the act of coitus will be studied and traced in detail, with the utmost care, in the hope that such pursuit may result in the best possible good to the student.
Regarding thefirstpart of the act, let it be said that here, above all other situations in the world "haste makes waste."Put that down as the most fundamental fact in this whole affair!Right here is where ninety-nine one-hundredths of all the troubles of married life begin! And the fault, right here, is usually (though not always) with the husband! But he doesn't mean to be bad. Not once ina thousand times does he deliberately purpose to do wrong. He is simply the victim of undirected and ungoverned passion, and of anignorancewhich results in stupid blundering, or carelessness, or thoughtlessness. What such a husband practically does is to rush blindly and furiously along a way he knows nothing of, but which he has been led to think he has arightto travelwhen and how he will! The ordinary figure of a "bull in a china shop" can but faintly describe the smashing and grinding to powder of the most delicate situation that can occur in all human experiences, that result from such action as this. Ideals that have touched heaven are tumbled from their lofty places and ruthlessly crushed to atoms; hopes that were beyond the power of words to express go out in despair; dreams become a hideous nightmare; and love, which was as pure as crystal waters, is muddied, befouled, and made into a cesspool!And all this because of ignoranceor careless hurrying, of making haste where the utmost of time, caution and intelligent care should have obtained!
As has already been explained, when the act of coitus is to be engaged in, the sex organs of both the man and the woman undergo great changes. Blood rushes to all these parts, in copious quantities, till they become gorged. The result is that the penis is enlarged to several times its dormant size, and the vulva and vagina should, and will, under right conditions, undergo similar changes and transformation.
But there is usually a great difference inthe length of time it takes for these changes to take place in men and women. On the part of the man, as soon as his passion is aroused to any considerable extent, the penis at once makes itself ready for action. It "tumesces," or swells itself hard, almost instantly; and, so far as its mere physical stoutness is concerned, is as ready to enter the vagina then as ever, even if it has to force itself in.
On the other hand, the tumescence of the parts in women is usually, (especially as girls are reared) not infrequently, a matter of considerable time, not infrequently several minutes, and now and then, ofhalf-an-hour or more! This is not always so, for in some very passionate women they are ready for action almost instantly. Indeed, there are some women whose sex organs tumesce if they (the women) even touch a man—any man—and occasionally a case occurs where a woman will experience an orgasm if her clothing brushes against a man! Such cases are, of course, abnormal. But,for the most part, it is true that women aremuch slowerin making ready for the sexual act than men are.
Again, as the organs become ready for the act, nature has provided a most wonderful means for bringing about their easy and happy union. Both the male and female organs secrete and emit, or pour out, a sort of lubricating fluid which covers and sometimes almost floods the parts. This is a clear and limpid substance, that looks much like the white of an egg, and is much like the saliva that is secreted in the mouth, only it is a thicker substance. Chemically,it is almost identical with saliva. That generated by the man is called "prostatic flow;" that produced by the woman "pre-coital secretion."
Now, if time is given for this fluid to be secreted and exuded, all the parts become covered or saturated with it, and they are admirably equipped for easy union. The glans penis is then covered with the slippery fluid, and the vulva and all the walls of the vagina are laved with the substance. At the same time, the vaginal walls have widened and grown soft, and all the parts of the vulva (which are yet to be named and described in detail) are in like condition. The result is that, though the penis be what might at first seem of such size as to make its entrance into the vagina impossible, as a matter of fact, such entrance is perfectly easy, when the parts are fully ready to be joined.But not before or otherwise!
So here is where the trouble comes. If the husband is in haste, if he does not wait for the wife to become ready to meet him; if he forces his large, hard penis into the vagina before either is fully ready for such union—when there is no prostatic fluid on its glans, and the vagina is shrunken and its walls are dry—if coitus is engaged in in this way, it is perfectly easy to see thatonly disaster can result! The woman is hurt, sometimes most cruelly, and the man in reality gets only a beastly gratification from the act.Of all bad things in all the world, such manner of coition is the worst!
And so, in thisfirstpart of the act, the one foremostthought to remember and observe is,take plenty of time!
There is another reason why, on the part of woman, this time should be extended, especially when she is a bride and inexperienced in these matters, and that is, that her "innocence," and all her education, make her feel that she isdoing wrong, or at least permitting a wrong thing to be done, and this holds back the proper growth of her passion, hinders the tumescence of her sex organs, delays the flow of the precoital secretion, and so keeps her from becoming properly prepared for her share of the mutual act.
Again, her fear of pregnancy may still further retard her coming into a proper condition. Indeed, this last is the almost common cause for her failing to be in readiness for meeting her husband. All of which items must be taken into account by both husband and wife, and intelligently, lovingly dealt with, if the best results for both parties are attained.
As regards the item of possible pregnancy, special note will be made of this feature later on. It is here placed in abeyance for the time being, because its consideration can be better provided for after some other points have been studied.
Now the one easily understood (and as easily practiced as understood) direction as to what to do by way of preparation for the act of coitus is:do as lovers do when they are "courting."And everybody knows what that is! And note this—thatnobody ever hurries when they are courting!Theydelay, they protract, they dilly-dally, they "fool around," they pet each other in all sorts of possible and impossible ways. They kiss each other—"long and passionate kisses, they again and again give and receive"—they hug each other, nestle into each other's arms—in a word, they "play together" in a thousand-and-one ways which the "goody-goods" declare to be wrong, and the cold-blooded call nonsense or foolishness, but which allloversknow is anunspeakable delight("unspeakable" is the word, for who wants totalkwhen these blissful experiences are going on!).
Now, these things, and the likes of these things, in limitless supply, should always precede the act of coitus. It is right there that this part of the first act of this wonderful four-act drama or play should be wrought out, and if they are omitted or disregarded, the play will end intragedy, with all the leading actors left dead upon the stage!
Now the chief, if not the only, reason why this part of the supreme act of married life is not always preluded in this way is found in thefalse viewof what themarriage ceremony means, and a wrong impression as to what it confers upon the parties who say "yes" to its prescriptions. That is, the common idea is, that the taking of "marriage vows" bestows certainrightsand imposes certaindutiesupon the new husband and wife. It is thought that such ceremony makes certain actsrightwhich wouldotherwisebewrong, and that it establishes therightto engage in such acts,with or without any further consultationor consent in the premises. It makes love a matter ofcontract, a somethingbound by promise and pledge rather than a free and unfettered effusion of the soul.
The result of this is that, whereas, before the marriage ceremony both the man and woman take the utmost care to do everything in their power to increase, magnify, and retain each other's love, after they have been granted a "license," and the minister has put their hands together and prayed over them—after this, they both think they have a "cinch" on each other, that they are bound together by a bond that cannot be broken, a tie so strong that it will need no further looking after, but which will "stay put" of its own accord, and which may therefore be let to shift for itself from the hour of its pronouncement! Nothingcould be further from the truth than this is. And yet it is a common feeling and belief among young married people!
Nor is it any wonder that this should be so. The very form of the marriage ceremony and contract tends to make it so. The fact that marriage originated as a form of slavery, and that much of its original status yet remains—all these things tend to establish these wrong ideas regarding the estate, in the minds of the parties to it.
Nor are the evils that come from such wrong view of marriage all confined to one side of the house. On the contrary, they are about evenly divided between husbands and wives, witness a few illustrations, as follows:
A couple had been married about a year. They had no children, nor were there prospects of any. The husband was beginning to spend his evenings away from home, leaving his wife alone. One evening, as he was making ready to go out, his wife said: "What makes you go out evenings now, and leave me alone! You didn't use to do it!" And the husband replied:
"Why, you don't do anything to make it interesting for me now! You used to put on your prettiest clothes when I came to see you, fixed up your hair bewitchingly, had a smile for me that wouldn't come off, would sing for me, read to me, sit on my lap and pet me and kiss me, and now you never do anything of the kind." And before he could say more, the wife responded: "Oh, but we are married now, and it's your duty to stay with me!"
What wonder that the husband went out of the house, slamming the door after him! The wonder is that he ever came back.
Again: A woman who was a graduate of a famous Eastern College and who had taught for a number of years, who was from one of the "first families" in the east, and was counted as a lady of the highest culture and refinement, finally married a Western business man. On their bridal night, as they were retiring, the man laid his hand on the woman's bare shoulder, and she threw it off, and said: "Don't be disgusting! I married you because I was tired of taking care of myself, or of having my relatives take care of me. You are worth fifty thousand dollars, andone-third of all that was made mine just as soon as the preacher got through his closing prayer, and you can't help it! That's the truth, and we are married, and you can make the best of it!"
These are both truthful tales, nor are they the only ones of the sort that could be told.
On the other hand, these are matched with acts of ignorant and careless young husbands, who do dastardly deeds to their brides because they thinkthe lawand thecontractgive them the right! There is no need to go into details. The whole evil is revealed by the words of the woman just quoted: "Oh, but we are married now."
These records, and all like them, lead to the remark thatmarriage confers no rights, to either the bride or the bridegroom, in the highest meaning of the word. So far as its outward and formal observance is concerned, marriage is merely a sort of protection for society which has grown up through the years, and which is probably for the best, for the present, things being as they are. But it should be well understood that it canneverlead totrue happinessif it is viewed and utilizedmerelyon itslegal and formal side. True marriage is based on mutual love; and mutual love can never be traded upon, or made an item of formal agreement and contract.People may contract to live together and to cohabit, and they may faithfully carry out their agreements;but this is not marriage! It is simplylegalized prostitution, bargain and sale, for a consideration. It is blasphemy to call it by the sacred name of marriage!
Truly does Tennyson say: "Free love will not be bound." Indeed it cannot be! It must remain forever free if it stays at all. And if the parties to it try to bind it, the more chains, fastenings, pledges and agreements they put upon it, the sooner and quicker will it escape from all its holdings and fly away andstay away!
And so, to come back to where we left off (for we said there should be no hurrying or haste here) let married people understand that the key to married happiness isto keep on "courting" each other. Indeed, to make courting continually grow to more and more. During the whole extent of married life, never neglect, much less forget to be lovers, and to show,by all your acts, that you are lovers, and great shall be your reward. Don't ask how to do this! You know how, well enough. Do it!
And be carefulnotto do anything that a careful lover ought not to do! This direction should be heeded by both husband and wife. Make yourself beautiful for your husband, Oh, wife, and keep yourself so. As between the public, or your friends, or society, give them what of yourself you can spare, after you have given to your lover all that you can bestow upon him, or he can wish you to bestow. Don't give to everybody and everything else, church, society, work, children, friends, or what-so-ever—don't giveallof yourself to these, and let your husband "take what there is left." Don't do that, as you value your married success and happiness! Don't say: "Oh, but we are married now," and letit go at that!
The beautiful and delicate flowers of married love need to be watched and tended with the most skilful care,continually, by both husband and wife. Treated in this way, they will not only be fragrant and lovely through all the years of wedded life; but as, one by one, the blossoms shed their petals and change their forms so that luscious fruits may come in turn—as these changes take place, new, more beautiful and more fragrant flowers will continue to the very end of the longest married life. Don't ever forget this, or doubt it, as you hope for happiness in the marriage state! Mind what is here said, and act accordinglyall the time—days, nights and Sundays.
Now if these truths are thoroughly inculcated, "kicked in" so firmly and deeply that they will never "jar loose" or get away, we will move on.
So, then, thefirstpart ofeveryact of coitus should always be acourtingact, in which there should beno haste, but in which the parties should "make delays," as John Burroughs says.
And this should be added: that, for married lovers, courting has a far wider range of possibilities than it has for the unmarried. Previous to marriage, there are conventionalities and clothes in the way! After that, neither of these need be in evidence, and this makes a lot of difference, and all in favor of the best results, if rightly used, and made the most of. One hardly need to go into details here, (though this may be done later on in this writing). If the lovers will be as free with each other unclothed as clothed;if they will utterly ignore all conventionalities, and do with and for each other anything and everything that theirimpulsesandinclinationssuggest, or their desires prompt; if they will,with the utmost abandongive themselves up to petting each other in every possible way thatmother naturehas put within their reach; if they will hug and kiss and "spoon" and "play with each other" just as they want to do—if they will do this, and nothurryabout it—then, in due course, they will successfully execute thefirst actof the great play they are performing; the sex organs will become fully ready for the union they are both longing for; the "prostate flow" will have added to the erect condition of the penis; the walls of the vagina and all the area of the vulva will be enlarged, soft, flexible and made smooth and slippery by a most generous supply of the "pre-coital secretion" and everything will be inperfect readinessfor the next part of the performance, namely the union of the organs.
And here it becomes necessary to say something about the position of the parties in making such union. There are a large number of these possible, some of which may be noted later, but here, only the most common one will be considered (it is said there are more than forty different positions possible in this act).
The most common position is for the woman to lie flat on her back, with her legs spread wide apart, and her knees drawn up so that the angle made by the upper and lower part of the leg shall be less thana right angle. Her head should not be too high, there should be no pillow under it.
Into her arms, and between her spread legs as she lies thus, her lover should come. His body will thus be over and above her, andhe should sustain himself on his elbows and knees, so that little ornoneof his weight may rest upon her. In this position, face to face (and it should be noted that only in the human family is this position of coitus possible! Among mere animals, the male is always upon the back of the female. They—mere animals—can never look each other in the eye and kiss each other during the act! This is another marked and very significant difference between human beings and all other animals in this regard) it is perfectly natural and easy for the organs to go together, when properly made ready, as here-before described. The woman should also place her heels in the knee-hollows of her lover's legs, and clasp his body with her arms.
The entrance of the penis into the vagina should not be too abrupt, unless circumstances are perfectly favorable for such meeting and it isthe wish of the wifethat it be made in this way. It is only fair to say, though, that such bold and pronounced entrance is oftengreatly desired by the woman, if her passion has been fully aroused at this stage of the act. Such union is not infrequently of the greatest delight to her, if everything is favorable for its being so made. But, if there is any pain produced in her by the coming together, the meeting should be gentle and slow, the penis working its way into thevagina by degrees, till, finally, it is entirely encased therein. Once thus happily together, the vagina and uterine cavity will still further expand, till, in due order, the two organs will be fitted together perfectly, a single unit,one, in the highest sense of unity.
This is thesecondact in this wonderful play.
Once well together, and the organs perfectly settled and adapted to each other, thethirdact begins, namely,the motion of the organs—the sliding of the penis back and forth, partly in and out of the vagina, though this is not really the best way of describing just what should take place. Whatshouldactually be done is, that thetwoorgans should engage in this motion, which iscommon to them both. They shouldmutuallyslip a few inches, back and forth,each party to the motion doing a fair half.
It is often supposed, by both an uninitiated husband and an "innocent" wife, that all the motion should originate with the husband—that he should slide his penis in and out of the vagina, while the woman should lie still and "let him do it all." This is, however, agreatmistake, and one that has caused an endless amount of ill to untold numbers of husbands and wives. And for the following reasons:
In the position just described, if the wife has her arms around her lover's body and her heels in his knee-pockets, while he supports himself by his elbows and knees over and above her, restingnoneof his weight upon her, it is perfectly easy for her to lift her hips up and down, or sway them from side to side, or swing them in a circling "round-and-round"motion, as she may choose to do. She can thusoriginateher half of the in-and-out motion—a something she will delight to do,if given a fair chance.If, however, the man lies heavily upon her, holding her down with the weight of his body, the possibility of such action on her part is prevented, and this results disastrously to both parties. And so, in this part of the act, the husband should take theutmost careto give his wife thefull and complete freedomto move her hips as she chooses, and as a successful climax demands that she should.
Now if the wife be left free to move, as just described, and the in-and-out motion proceeds as it should, what immediately follows will vary in a great degree. Thus, the time taken to reach the climax, or last act of the performance, may be a few seconds, or several minutes, may require a mere half dozen motions, orseveral hundred!All depends on the intensity of the passions of the husband and wife, especially the latter, and their skill in manipulating this part of the act.
The effect of this motion is to still further excite and still more distend all the organs involved. Normally, the motion grows faster and faster, the strokes becoming as long as the length of the organs will possibly permit without separating them. The flow of the lubricating fluids, from both organs, becomes more and more copious, till, all at once, the orgasm, orfourth stage, is reached!
It is difficult to describe what this orgasm is like. There is no bodily sensation that at all correspondsto it, unless it be a sneeze, and this is only like it in that it is spontaneous, and a sort of nervous spasm (a sneeze is sometimes spoken of as an orgasm). A sexual orgasm is a nervous spasm, or a series of pulsating nervous explosions which defy description. The action is entirely beyond the control of the will, when it finally arrives, and the sensation it produces is delectable beyond telling. It is the topmost pinnacle of all human experiences. For a husband and wife to reach this climax, at exactly the same instant, is a consummation that can never be excelled in human life. It is a goal worthy the endeavor of all husbands and wives, to attain to this supreme height of sexual possibilities.
On the part of the man, the orgasm throws the semen into, and all about the vaginal-uterine tract. The amount of semen thus discharged at a single climax is about a tablespoonful, enough to entirely flush and flood the area into which it is thrown. Its use and action there have already been described, and so need not be repeated here.
On the part of the woman, the orgasm causes no corresponding emission of fluid, of any sort, that is jetted forth as is the semen. Yet the spasmodic action of the sexual parts, so far as nervous explosions are concerned, is exactly like that of her partner. Palpitation follows palpitation, through all the sexual area; the mouth of the womb opens and closes convulsively, the vagina dilates and contracts again and again, and the vulva undergoes similar actions. The sensations are all of the most delectable nature,the whole of the woman's body being thrilled, over and over, again and again, with delights inexpressible. This, however, seems to be the entire mission of the orgasm in woman.It has nothing whatever to do with conception; though many people, especially young husbands who know just a little about the phenomenon, believe that it is anessentialto pregnancy.But such is by no means the case.All that is needed to bring about conception in a woman is the presence of the ovum in the uterus, and its meeting semen there, and so becoming fertilized. So far as becoming pregnant is concerned, thewomanneed haveno pleasure at allin the act of coitus. Indeed, women have been made pregnant by securing fresh semen from some man and injecting it into the vagina with an ordinary female syringe!
The false idea, which largely prevails, and which usually takes the form that there is no danger or possibility of conception unless the orgasm issimultaneous on the part of the man and woman, has caused many a woman to become pregnant when she thought such a result to be impossible, because she and her lover did not "spend" at the same instant. For the same reason, many a young husband has impregnated his wife when he least expected to do so, thinking that because he alone experienced the orgasm, that therefore conception was impossible.
Again, there are many married men and women who do not know that it is possible for a woman to experience an orgasm at all! The writer once knewa case of this kind, where a husband and wife, most intelligent and well cultivated people, lived together for twenty years, and to whom were born six children, who, at the end of that time were wholly unaware of such possibility! They afterwards discovered it by accident, as it were, and after that enjoyed its delights for many years. There are some, yea, many, women who never experience this sensation at all, but of this more will be said later.
All these phenomena seem to indicate the fact that, so far as women are concerned,the orgasm is entirely for her delectation and delight. It forms no part of the act of conception, and its only possible function, beyond that of pleasure, is that, because of the exceedingly delightful sensations it produces, it may lure women to engage in coitus when, but for this fact, they would not do so, and that it thus increases the possibility of women becoming mothers. Indeed, there is no stronger temptation to a woman to run the risk of becoming pregnant than her desire to experience an orgasm! But more of this later.
As soon as the orgasm is over, a total collapse of the husband and wife takes place. They are truly "spent," a most expressive word, which alone can describe their condition. On the part of the man the up-to-this-moment stout penis, becomes almost instantly limp and shrunken, while all the female organs become quiescent. A most delightful languor steals over them; every nerve and fibre of the whole body relaxes; and a desire to fall asleep atonce, comes upon them irresistibly. And the thing for them to do is to avail themselves of such natural impulse, just as soon as possible. They should always have at hand, and within easy reach, a towel, or napkin, with which to care for the surplus of the seminal emission, which, as soon as the organs are separated, will, in greater or less quantity, flow from the vagina. Some of the same fluid will also remain upon the penis when it is withdrawn. The husband should absorb this surplus which remains with him with the towel, as soon as the organs are parted, and immediately leave his super-imposed position, leaving his wifeperfectly free, to do as she will. She should arrange the towel between her thighs, exactly as she would a sanitary napkin, making no attempt to remove the surplus semen at that time, and turn over and go to sleepimmediately. (It is said that if the woman goes to sleep on herback, after coition, she thereby increases theprobability, of becoming pregnant. This is a point that women who greatly desire motherhood should note. The writer knew one case where a wife lay on her back for twenty-four hours after coition and so became pregnant after all other means had failed.)
Now it might seem that such neglect, on the part of the woman, to immediately remove the surplus semen, was uncleanly and unsanitary. But this is not at all true, and for this reason:The semen is a most powerful stimulant to all the female sex-organs, and to the whole body of the woman. The organs themselves will absorb quantities of semen,if left in contact with it, and it is most healthful and beneficial to them, and to the woman, to have them do so. It is for this cause that many women increase in flesh, and even grow fat after they are married and so can avail themselves of thishealthful food.As a matter of fact,there is no nerve-stimulant, or nerve-quieter, that is as potent to woman-kind as semen. There are multitudes of "nervous" women, hysterical even, who are restored to health, and kept in good health, through the stimulative effects of satisfactory coitus and the absorption of semen, when both these items are present in perfection. On the other hand, there are many women who suffer all sorts of ills, when these normally beneficial factors are misused or wrongly applied. The results that follow all depend upon the way the act is done, and its products utilized.
So, after the act of coition is over, let the woman slip a "bandage" into place as soon as possible, and go to sleep. If she sleeps long, so much the better, so much more will she be benefited by the presence of the semen and its absorption. When she naturally wakens, she may bathe the vulva region with warm water; but there is no need of, nor is it wise to try to cleanse the vagina and the uterine tract by the use of a vaginal syringe. Above all, never inject cold water into the vagina, especially do not do this immediately after coitus. Some women use a cold water injection immediately after coitus. There is no surer way to ill health and ultimate suicide. The parts are congested with blood at such times,and to pourcoldwater upon them is as though, when one is dripping with perspiration, he should plunge into a cold bath. Nature has made wise provision for taking care of all the semen that remains in the vagina. Let the parts alone, and they will cleanse and care for themselves.
Such, then, is a somewhat extended review of the act of coitus at its best estate, and in a general way.Its perfect accomplishment is an art to be cultivated, and one in which expertness can only be attained by wise observation, careful study of all the factors involved, and a loving adaptation of the bodies, minds and souls of both the parties to the act. It is no mere animal function.It is aunion, aunityof "twosoulswith but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one." There is nothing low or degrading about it, when it is what it ought to be, when it is brought to, and experienced at, its highest and best estate. It isGod-designed, God-born, God-bestowed!As such it should be thankfully received anddivinely usedby all the sons and daughters of men.
And now, although so much has been said, there is much that remains to be said, and which ought to be said, to do the subject justice. Some of these things are as follows:
Something more ought to be told about the second part of the act of coitus, the union of the organs, when this occurs for thefirsttime on the part of the woman.
At the first meeting of the husband and wife, if the woman be a virgin, there are certain conditions which exist, on her part, that are not present in after-meetings, and these must be understood and rightly dealt with, or the worst of bad results may ensue.
Of course, at such first meeting, all the preliminaries prescribed as forming thefirstmovement of the act should be carried outto the limit. It is not too much to say that these should be prolonged forsome days! Do not start, young husband, at this statement! Well did Alexander Dumas, père, write: "Oh, young husband, have a care in the first overtures you make toward your bride! She may shrink from what she feels must come; she may put her hands over her eyes to shut out the sight; but donot forget that she is a woman, and so is filled withcuriosity, under any and all circumstances! And you may set it down as sure, that, though she blinds herself with her hands as she scales the dizzy heights you are leading her over, nevertheless,she will peek through her fingers!So she will watch you with most critical eyes, and note every show ofselfishness or blundering on your part! So have a care!You may think you are aiming your arrow at the sun. See to it that it does not alight in the mud!" Good words these, and to be heeded, come what may!
As a rule, if the bride be a virgin, it is well tolet plenty of time elapse before engaging in the full act of coitus!Delay here will lead to a possible loving speed, later on. The young people should take time enough to get better acquainted with each other than ever before; to become, in a measure, accustomed to the uncovered presence of each other, and to the new possibilities of "courting" and "playing together" that their new conditions offer. In any case, full coitus should not be attempted till the bride is at leastwilling. If she can be brought to becomeanxiousfor the meeting, so much the better.
And so, with plenty of time taken for making ready for the act, we come to the first union of the organs for a newly married couple, the bride being a virgin. And here is where an explanation is called for.
The vulva, or external part of the female sex organs, is a mouth shaped aperture, located laterallybetween the forward part of the thighs. In shape, size and structure, it much resembles the external parts of the mouth proper. It begins just in front of the anus, and extends forward above the pubic bone and a little ways up the belly. Its entire lateral length is about four or more inches.
This organ is made up of several parts, as follows: The lips, or labiae, as they are technically known, the clitoris, and the vaginal opening. The lips are a double row, two on either side, and are known as labiae major and labiae minor, that is, the thicker and thinner, or larger and smaller lips. They extend almost the entire length of the vulva, the outer lips folding over the inner ones when the thighs are together. The outer parts of the larger lips are covered with hair. In thickness and quality these labiae are much like the lips of the face of each individual, a large mouth and thick lips indicate a large vulva and thick labiae and vice-versa. The clitoris is a gland that is located forward, on the upper part of the vulva. It corresponds, almost exactly, in make-up and function, with the glans penis of the male organ. The vaginal opening is at the rear, or lower part of the vulva, and leads directly into the vagina proper.
All these parts are composed of most keenly responsive nerves, and they are covered with a thin, delicate and exceedingly sensitive skin, almost exactly such as lines the cheeks and the mouth. Both the clitoris and the lips are filled with expandable blood vessels, and in a state of tumescence they are greatlyenlarged by a flow of blood into the parts. The clitoris, in this condition, undergoes an enlargement, or "erection," which is exactly like that of the glans penis. So much as to the physiology of this part of the female sex organs, all of which should be well understood by every bride and bridegroom, though often it is not.
Now, in its virgin state, the vulva has another part, not yet named, and this is the hymen, or "maiden-head" as it is commonly known. This is a membrane that grows across the forward, or upper part of the vaginal opening, and socloses upnearly all that part of the vulva. This hymen is not always present, however, even in a state of undoubted virginity. Sometimes it is torn away in childhood by the little girl's fingers, as she "plays with herself." Sometimes it is ruptured by lifting, again it is broken away by the use of a large-sized female syringe.For all these reasons, it is not right to conclude that a bride is not a virgin because the hymen is not present and in evidence at the first coition.
Now many young husbands, and some young wives, are wholly ignorant of theexistenceof the hymen, and of the troubles it may cause at the second part of the sexual act, in a first meeting. This membrane is often quite tough and strong. It is grown fast to the lower part of the clitoris and to the inside surfaces of the smaller lips, and it covers so much of the vaginal opening that it is practically impossible for the erect penis to enter the vagina so longas it is present. Now if, under these conditions, the bride and groom (especially the latter) are ignorant of the real construction of the parts, and so should try to make a union of the organs, they would find such union obstructed, if not impossible; and if the man, puzzled, and impatient, and passion-driven, shouldforcea hasty entrance into the vagina, rupturing the hymen ruthlessly, he would hurt the woman cruelly, probably cause her tobleedfreely from the wounded parts, and shock her seriously! All of which would be a score against the husband, would brand him as a brute, or a bungler, and so tend to make his "sun-aimed arrow alight in the mud."
The thing to do here, is, first of all, to know the situation and to talk it over, and carefully, delicately, do the best that can be done about it. If the conditions are fully understood by the bride and groom, they can, in almost every case, by working and moving together carefully, overcome the obstacle, remove the hymen with little or no pain or loss of blood.
As a matter of fact, when the time for meeting comes, if all the facts are known, and the husband will hold his erect penis still and steady against the hymen, the bride will so press against it, and "wiggle around" it, thatby her own motions, she will break the membrane and so be rid of it. She knows how much pain she can endure, and when the pressure is too hard she can relieve it by her own action! Anyhow, what is doneshe doesherself, and so cannever charge up against her husband!
It is a rare case in which, by mutual willingness, and desire and mutual effort to remove the obstruction, it cannot be eliminated with satisfaction to both bride and groom. If, however, careful and well-executed efforts fail to remove it, the services of a surgeon should be procured, and he, by a very simple and almost painless operation, can remove the difficulty. But never,no never, should it be brutally torn away by the force of the husband, and without the full willingness of the wife.Mark this well. As a matter of fact, the wise and practical thing for every bride to do, would be to go to a surgeon a few days before her wedding, and have him remove the hymen for her. Such operation is nearly painless, and is very easily done. Still, to do this might raise a doubt of virginity on the part of the husband and so this is a point to be careful about!
The act of removing the hymen is often spoken of as "defloration"—the tearing to pieces of a flower. The term is not fortunate. Nothing worth while has been taken away by removing the hymen, but much that is useful has been acquired. An organ that has outlived whatever usefulness it might once have had has been removed, and its going has made possible new and beautiful uses in life. If this has been accomplished by the mutual desire and effort of the bride and groom, it is a cause for joy and not of sorrow; of delight and not of mourning. As well weep over the removal of the vermiform appendix as for the destruction of the hymen.
With this obstacle rightly overcome, the second act of coitus offers no situation that calls for further remark or explanation.
And now a few words about the probabilities of conception resulting from coitus, and some matters which are very closely related thereto.
In the first place, every healthy and fairly-well-provided-for husband and wife should desire to have children, and should act in accordance with such wish. This is not only in harmony with the primary purpose of sex in the human family, but it is a response to a natural demand of the human soul, in both man and woman. As Bernard Shaw makes Jack Tanner say: "There is a father-heart as well as a mother-heart" andparenthood is the supreme desire of all normal and wholesome-minded men and women.It is not an "instinct," but something far above that quality.
Parenthood among mere animals is the result of instinct, and of that alone, but not so in the human race. Human beings naturally desire to make a home for themselves, and a home, in the fullest meaning of that word, meanschildrenand a "family circle." This is something that animals know nothing about. Animal mothers forget and ignore their progeny as soon as they are weaned; and animal fathers will, in many cases, kill them as soon as they are born, if they get a chance to do so. These facts prove that parenthood, in the human family, is something much more than in the rest of the animal kingdom. Indeed, the whole matter of comparing this quality, asit exists in humanity, with that of animals merely, is only a continuance of the similar abomination of comparing the sex functions of these two forms of life. In the real essentials of existence, they are in no way comparable; and to make such is not only folly, but approaches the positively criminal. The results of doing so certainly lead to crime.
Fundamentally, then, nearly all men and women marry with the purpose and hope of having a family of children. They may not put it that way, may not even acknowledge it, even to each other or to themselves; but if married people find that theycannotproduce, it is a source of unspeakable regret to them both. In such cases, the inherent desire for parenthood will "cry aloud and spare not." A "barren" woman greatly mourns her inability, and will shed bitter tears over the fact, if she be truly human; and an "impotent" man will be practically despised by all who are aware of his incompetence.
And yet, though all normal men and women desire to have children, it is only right that they should desire to have themas they want them, andwhenthey want them, and notwhenever they may happen to come!That is, sensible and thoughtful people, who plan definitely for the future, want to make the coming of children to them an affair ofdeliberatearrangement, and not ofchance.
This is not only as it should be, but is really the only right way that children should be begotten and born. Which statement calls for a few special words on the right of parents to regulate the productionof progeny.
There is much talk, in some quarters, about "race suicide," and the wickedness of deliberately limiting the number of children in a family. Such talking and writing arouse anxious questionings in the minds of conscientious young married men and women who are desiring to do the right thing in the premises, but are uncertain as to what the right thing is, and for such are the following words:
Many years ago, an English philosopher and statesman, Malthus by name, discovered and announced the fact that the rate of natural increase in the human race was several times greater than that of the possible rate of production of food supply for their support. Scientifically phrased, his statement was that "the rate of increase in humanity is in geometrical ratio, while the rate of increase of possible food supply is in arithmetical ratio." And from this basis, he reasoned that, unless the surplus of human production was in some way cut off and destroyed, the whole human race would ultimately demand more food supply than could possibly be produced; and so, in due course of time, the whole race would perish from starvation!
Then he proceeded to reason that the purpose of disease, plague, pestilence, famine, poverty and warfare was to cut off and destroy thesurplusof humanity, and hence all these alleged evils were in reality blessings in disguise, and thatit would be wrong to interferewith their really beneficent workings! Volumes could be written, and they could nottell the half of the misery and evil that the promulgation of this doctrine has done for the civilized world, but there is no space here for giving any such details; nor need this be done, though the statement of the doctrine had to be made to make ready for what is to follow.
Now, is it not far more reasonable to suppose that,since the possibility of determining the number of off-spring a husband and wife may produce has been given them; that since such result can be, for them, made a matter ofchoice, of anexercise of the will, and not ofblind instinct—under these circumstances, all of which undoubtedly exist, is it not far more reasonable to believe that it is thepurpose of the Creatorthat the limiting of the number of human beings in the world should be brought about bycurbing the birth rate, rather than bykilling the surplusafter they are born!
There can be but one answer made to this question, by any intelligent man or woman.
These facts, then, establish therightfulness of determining the number and size of a family by every husband and wife. But this does not mean that they are to entirely refrain from cohabiting, in order to keep from having children! This phase of the argument has already been gone over and disposed of. But itdoesmean that husbands and wives have a right to use such rightful means for the limiting of the number of offspring as are conducive to the interests of all parties concerned—themselves, their circumstances, the born or unborn children, thestate, the nation. Let the bride and groom be well convinced and established in their own minds on these points, as early in their relation as possible. They should be so from the very outset—mustbe so, to reach the best results.
The issue then presents itself: How can such deliberate and wilful determination of the number of children a husband and wife may have, be brought about?
And the answer is, thatit can never be accomplished by careless and hap-hazard cohabiting!On the contrary, it can only be compassed by the mostcarefulandwatchfulprocesses of engaging in coitus, and by afull knowledgeof physiological facts, and by acting,always, in accordance with the same. It is no road for careless travel, but it is a way worth going in, for all that.
On this point, let it be said that all sane and intelligent men and women agree that anything even approachinginfanticideis nothing short of a crime, and that abortion, except for the purpose of saving the life of the mother, is practically murder.
But, while this is all true, to prevent the contact of two germs which, if permitted to unite, would be liable to result in a living human form, isquite another affair.
It is only this aspect of the situation which will be considered in what follows.
Now, as has already been shown, the essentials for conception consist of having the ovum present in the womb, and its meeting the semen there. The corollaryof this is, that whenever these coincidences take place, there is apossibilityfor conception.
But in allnormalcases, the ovum only passes into the womb once in every twenty-eight days; and, as a rule, it only remains in the womb for about half that period of time, that is, for about 14 or 15 days in each month. And so, since the menstrual flow ceases after about five days from its beginning, in about ten daysafterits stopping, the ovum will have passed out of the womb, and hence that organ contains nothing that is impregnable. Under these conditions, semen may be deposited in the womb, without danger of impregnation. This is a simple proposition, and easy to understand if once known.
However, it must be said that thesegenerallycommon conditionsdo not always obtain—that is, they arenottrue in the case ofallwomen. There are women who will conceive atanytime in the month, if they are given a chance to do so. The physiological reason for such possibility is said to be this: There are always ova in the ovaries, in varying stages of development. Ordinarily, only once a month do any of these pass down into the womb; but, in exceptional cases, sometimes these ova are so partially held in the ovaries that, under the excitement of coitus, and because all these parts dilate so much during the act, an ovum may slip its moorings, under such conditions, pass down into the uterus at an untimely season, meet the semen there, and pregnancy result. Such are the factsin some cases.