How, then, can a husband and wife tell how it is, or will be, intheirparticular case?
The answer is that they can only tell by trying, and that should be done as follows:
Thefirstsexual meeting of the bride and groom shouldnevertake place until at leastten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flow in the bride! This is a rule that should never be violatedif the parties wish to "test out" the real condition as to whether or not the bride has any "free time." The chances are several to one that shehassuch leeway; but the fact can only be established by "proving up" and this canneverbe done if anychancesare taken. Put this down as rule number one.
For this reason, it is well for the bride to fix the wedding day; and, if possible, for her to locate it sometime during the probably immune period. And the nearer she can bring this day to thebeginningof such period of freedom from danger of pregnancy, the better. For, if it should happen that the first coitus should take place only aday or two beforethe time when another "monthly" was due, such excitement might hasten the passage of the nearly-ripe ovum into the uterus, and conception might occur. In which case, "all the fat would be in the fire," nothing would be proved, and the parties would be as ignorant as ever regarding the facts intheircase.
And so, thefirstsexual meeting of a bride and bridegroom should be notearlierthanten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flow and not later than three days before the next monthly is due. Put thatdown as rule number two, never to be violated.
And if marriage takes place before this period of probable immunity on the part of the bride arrives, the only safe thing to do is to "patiently wait" till such time arrives. This may "require fortitude" on the part of both parties, but it is the only safe thing to do. And to do just that, will amply repay such waiting. The writer knows of a case where the wedding took place just three days before the bride's next monthly was due, and she and her husband waited for more thantwo weeksbefore they met sexually! But it paid to wait, for their doing so proved that the bride hadtwo weeksof "free time" ineach month, and this was worth all it cost to find out! Take time!
And now let it be added that it is a great accomplishment for a husband and wife to be free from a fear of pregnancy as a result of coitus. This is a thousand times truer for the woman than for the man, for it is she who has to bear the burden of what follows, if following there be. The husband can "do the deed" and go about his business. The wife, if "the fertile seed" takes root, has before her months of care and anxiety, and she risks her very life in what may come of it all. For these reasons, she has aright to dictate all the termswhich are liable to cause her to become a mother.And yet she should do this with full regard for the husband, in love, in true wifely-womanhood.On this point, do not fail to read "The Helpmate," by May Sinclair. It is a story that no bride and bridegroom should fail to read andstudy, carefully.
The whole subject of how to engage in satisfactory coitus and avoid pregnancy may be summed up as follows:—The attainment of such a condition is well worth the most careful, earnest and honestly pains-taking endeavor. For, if such status be not reached, its lack will be a source of endless contentions and differences between the husband and wife. It will lead to jealousies, quarrels, and all sorts of marital woes. But, the situation once mastered, by the most loving and accurate of scientific methods of procedure, a happy married life is certain to result. Otherwise, the "married state" will always be in a condition of "unstable equilibrium." So let every bride and bridegroom begin,from the first, to try to establish the greatly to be desired accomplishment. If anything further on this point should be desired, consult a reliable physician.
And still there is more to be said! Is it not written that "Art is long!"And the Art of Love is the longest of all arts, and the most difficult of all for its complete mastery and attainment!
It is a matter of misfortune, and yet one of not infrequent occurrence, that the sex organs of husband and wife arenot well matched; and that trouble, sometimes of a most serious nature, results. When this condition is found to exist, it should be treated sanely and wisely, and the chances are many to one that the difficulty can be overcome, to the full satisfaction of both parties concerned.
In such cases, the mis-matching usually arises from the fact that the penis of the husband is too long for the vagina of the wife. This is very apt to be the case where the wife is of the "dumpy" sort, with a small mouth and short fingers, while the husband is "gangling," large mouthed and long fingered. These are facts that ought to be taken into account before marriage, and which should figure in determining whether the parties are "suited" to each other. Theywouldbe regarded in this way, too, if they were generally known, as they most surely are not. Here is another place where ignorance and "innocence"get in their work, and make trouble in married life!
In such a case as this, the too-long penis, when fully inserted in the too-short vagina, and especially when, at the orgasm, the two organs are crowded together vigorously, as the impulse of both parties demands they should be at this part of the act, the end of the penis is driven against the rear walls of the vagina, often furiously, thus stretching and straining the vaginal passage longitudinally, pressing against the womb unnaturally, and not infrequently pushing it out of place and sometimes rupturing the uterine tract seriously, hence causing all sorts of unfortunate and greatly-to-be-regretted results.
Because of such danger, the first meeting of the husband and wife should be accomplished with the utmost care, especially in thesecondpart of the act, the first putting together of the organs. This is the only way of determining, in each case, how the organs will "fit," and happy are the parties thereto if such fit is found to be perfect!
But if it should turn out that there is a mismatching, of the nature just described, the conditions can be adjusted if the right means are used.
(Before telling this, however, it should be stated that the relative size of the sex organs can never be fully judged of by the size of the body of a man or a woman. Many a small man has an abnormally large and long penis, and many a little woman has a large vulva and a long vagina; and the reverse ofall this is true, in the case of many men and women. These items in the count are among the things that can never be known with certainty except by actual trial, and this is not possible, as things are now.)
And so, if "mis-matching" is found to exist, in any given case, it can be provided for, in most cases as follows:
Instead of taking the position for coitus which has already been described—the woman on her back and the man over and above her—letthisbe done: Let the man lie on his left side, or partly on his left side and partly on his back, facing the woman, his left leg drawn up so that the thigh makes an angle of 45 degrees with the body, and the knee bent at about the same angle. Now let her, lying on her right side, mount into his arms, in this way: Let her place her right hip in the angle made by her husband's left thigh and his body, so thathis left legsupportsher hips, by being under them; put her right leg between his legs, throw her left leg over his right leg, put her right arm around his neck, and her left arm should be placed across his body under his right arm. His left arm should be placed around her waist from below, and his right arm left free to move over her body, as he may choose. Now inthisposition, the man's hips make a sort of saddle into which the woman "vaults" easily, naturally, and with the greatest of comfort; while the man, with his whole body supported by the bed, as he lies, will be perfectly comfortable, and can maintain the position much longer, without tiring, than he could were heover and above the woman, supporting himself by his elbows and knees, and with the woman's arms around his waist, lifting her body thereby, and thus adding her weight to his, all to be sustained by him. A moment's consideration will disclose the fact that this position has many points in its favor, beyond that of the man-superior form. The woman, in this position, is not wholly superior, but she is partly on her right side and partly on her belly. Her whole weight rests on her husband's body, but her weight does not tire him, as the bed below him easily supports them both.
Now, in this position, the sex organs are brought closely together and their union is easily accomplished. But see! It isnowthewoman, and not themanwho hasfull controlof such meeting, and so can regulate it toher liking, orneeds. Her hips are perfectly free to move towards, or from, those of the man; and soshe can determine just how much or how little of his penis shall enter her vagina!And if his penis is too long for her, she can accommodate her action to such fact!
As for the man, his satisfaction will be fully equal to, if not greater than it would be were he in the other position. The ease afforded to his body, and the fact that he need have no fear of hurting the woman, these things will be a delight to him, that is of real value, and which will make for his delectation as much as for that of the woman in his arms. The in-and-out motion is as easily performed in this position as in the other; and at the climax, theorgans can be crowded together passionately, and still without hurting the woman. For she, being free to move, can so curve her hips that the pelvic bone, themons veneris, as it is technically called, will receive the most of the pressure, and at the same time the angle which is thus made by the relative positions of the vagina and the penis will keep the latter from penetrating the vagina too far, and so will protect its rear walls and the womb from all danger of harm. The orgasm is just as perfect in this position as in the other. It is just asnaturalas the other position, and has only to be tried to be proved worthy.
And now one other point. (Curious how these details protract themselves. But there is no help for it. We must continue, now that we have begun.)
A very frequent cause of married unsatisfaction is the fact of thedifference of timethat it takes for the husband and wife to come to the climax, the orgasm. As has already been noted, the highest delight in the act comes when this climax is simultaneous, comes at exactly the same instant to both parties. But to bring this about is not easy in all cases, and hence what follows:
As a rule, women are slower in reaching the orgasm than are men. This is not always so, but it is generally the case. Some wives are so passionate that they will "spend" several times to their husbands' once! The author knows of a case where the wife will regularly experience the orgasm four or five times to her husband's once. She is a lovely wifeand a highly accomplished woman, in no sense "fleshy" or "worldly minded." The situation is that her sex organs are exceedingly sensitive while those of her husband are the reverse, they are "timed" differently, that is all. The case is rare, and as a rule, women are "timed" slower than men.
Again, after a man has passed the orgasm it is, in most cases, impossible for him to continue the act, right then and there, and bring the woman to the climax, if she has not yet arrived, from the fact that, with the expulsion of the semen, usually detumescence of the penis at once takes place, and the organ is incapable of exciting the woman when in this condition. And so, if the husband "goes off"first, there is no possibility of the wife's reaching the climax at that embrace. This leaves her unsatisfied, all her sex organs congested, and the whole situation is unsatisfactory, in the extreme. On the other hand, if the wife comes to the orgasm first, her vulva and vagina detumesce but little and that very slowly, so that it is perfectly possible for the husband to continue his action, and come to the climax, even if his partner has already "spent."
Under these conditions it is easy to see that, where the wife is "keyed" or "timed" much slower than her husband, as is quite often the case, coitus is very liable to be a very one-sided affair, one in which thehusband gets all the satisfaction, and the wife little orNONE—a most unfortunate status for both parties, but especially for the wife.The writer once knew a case where a husband and wife lived togetherto celebrate their golden wedding, and the wife never once experienced an orgasm, though the husband cohabited with her several times a month, during the most of their married life. There was no good reason why this should have been so, only that the husband was "quick in action" and the wife somewhat slow, and they had never synchronated their time differences. The dear old lady died at ninety, never having known a joy that, since her bridal night, she had wished for. Both the husband and wife were most excellent people.They simply didn't know!One was ignorant and the other innocent, and there you are again!
Now the thing to do, under such circumstances, is for the parties to "get together." And the way to do this is, first, toprolong the FIRST partof the act, till the wife has not only caught up with, but is evenaheadof her husband in the state of her passion. To bring about this condition,the husband should use every means to stimulate his wife's sex-nature and increase her desire for coition.Here are some things he can do, which will tend to produce such results:
A woman's breasts are directly connected with all her reproductive nerves. This is especially true of her nipples. To touch them is to directly excite all of her sex organs. The lips and tongue are also thus nervously connected with these vital parts, and, so, if the husband will "play" with his wife's breasts, especially with her nipples, manipulating them with his fingers, or, better still, with his lips and tongue—at the same time, if he will stroke her vulva with his fingers, especially the clitoris,and if she will encourage him to do this, by holding her breast with one hand, shaking it about as her nipple is in her lover's lips; if, lying flat on her back, her husband at her right side, and with his left arm around her waist, she will spread her legs wide apart, thus opening the vulva to its utmost, and sway her hips, raising and lowering them betimes; and, since she has a free hand, if, with this, she will take her husband's penis with it and "play" with it as her lover plays with her vulva—if they will do this, the cases are rare in which passion will not grow in the wife to almost any desirable extent. Under such "courting," the parts will all enlarge, the pre-coital secretion will flow in abundance; and, in due course, all will be ready for the second part of the act. This part of coitus is, really, one of the most enjoyable of the entire performance.
If, perchance, the pre-coital secretion should be tardy in appearing on the part of the wife, so that the vulva is dry as the husband strokes it, let him moisten the part with saliva from his mouth. To do this, let him moisten hisfingersfrom his mouth, and transfer this to the vulva, and then proceed with his stroking. This moistening the vulva with saliva may be repeatedseveraltimes,if necessary, always until the flow of pre-coital fluid from the parts themselves renders any further moistening needless.The stroking of the dry vulva will do little toward the arousing of passion, or producing the pre-coitalflow. But if the parts be moistened, as above directed, both these desired results will follow, except inveryrare cases.
And let no one make the mistake of thinking that thus moistening the vulva with saliva is unseemly, or unsanitary. It is neither. On the contrary, it is nature's way of helping to perfection an act which, but for such timely assistance, might never be brought to a successful issue. As has already been noted, chemically, saliva and the pre-coital fluid are almost identical. They are both a natural secretion of a mucous membrane, are alkaline in reaction, their native purpose is lubrication, and, as a matter of fact, the saliva is as natural an application to the lips of the vulva as it is to the interior of the mouth or throat. Truth to tell, the practice of applying saliva to the genitals before coition is very general, so much so that it might almost be counted as instinctive. It is mentioned here only to remove any prejudice that might linger in the sophisticated mind of the reader. Such use of saliva is no more to be deprecated than its application in a hundred other ways, such as moistening the fingers to turn a leaf, of "licking" one's fingers after eating candy. Such use of this fluid from the mouth might be condemned by the "over-nice," but it is quite universally practiced, and it is neither unwholesome nor unsanitary.
It is sometimes recommended that some form of oil, as sweet oil or vaseline, be used as an unguent for anointing the parts before engaging in coitus, but this practice cannot be recommended. Oil is not anatural product of the parts to which it is applied, it is chemically unlike their secretions, and to smear the delicate organs with a fluid that is foreign to their nature, is unwise, unsanitary, not to say filthy. It is like greasing the mouth to make food slip down easily. And it is easy to understand how such application of an unguent to the mouth would impair the taste, dull the nerves of sensation, and greatly interfere with the native and wholesome uses of the oral cavity.
So don't be afraid or ashamed to use saliva in preparing the vulva and the vagina for the reception of their natural mate.
And so, to return to where we left off, if the wife is slower timed than her husband, her passion can be greatly increased by the manipulation just described. Indeed, it could be very easily carried to such length—the lips and tongue playing with the nipple, and the finger-stroking of the vulva—that the woman could be brought to an orgasm without the union of the organs at all! This is a form of masturbation (this word has a bad meaning attached to it, but it is a good word, as will shortly be shown, and it has its legitimate uses; but, as a preparation for coition, it should not be carried any further than is essential for bringing the laggard passion of the woman up to an equal tension of that of her lover.) A few weeks', or months', practice will enable a wife to determine just how much of this form of "courting" will bring her to the desired point of excitement; and, when this point is reached, she shouldinvite her husband to "come up over," if the first position is to be adopted for the rest of the act; or, she should throw herself into her lover's arms, if the second position is used.
Just a little more—If, after getting into one position or the other, it seems to the wife that she is not yet fairly abreast of her husband in the intensity of her passion, let herstill furtherseek to advance it, as follows:
If the position with the husband superior is taken, let him, after he has gotten into place and before the organs are united, have his wife take his penis in her hand, and, as he moves his hips up and down, stroke her vulva, especially the clitoris, with the glans penis—not entering the vagina at once, but continuing this form ofexteriorcontact of the organs, for a longer or shorter time—slipping past the wide open vaginal mouth, even when the wife raises her thighs and, as it were, begs for an entrance; tantalizing her to the point of distraction—-till, finally, she will "take no for an answer" no longer, but will, in an ecstacy, slip the penis into the vagina, and thus consummate their union.
If she be far enough abandoned with her passion, such entrance may be made at a single stroke, not to say a furious plunge. But if the vulva and vagina are not yet fully dilated, the entrance should be carefully made, gently made, as she can bear it, asshewishes it to be.
Sometimes, yes, not infrequently, in this position, the external stroking of the organs may be continuedto the very verge of the orgasm, so that, especially if the entrance can be made, as it were, in a frenzy of passionate delight, the organs coming into full length union at a single impulse, or rushing together—then the simultaneous climaxmaybe reached with one or two in-and-out motions—or, perhaps the single master-plunge may win the goal instanter! If so, a consummation devoutly to be wished has been successfully reached!
Again, if the wife is slow, and the man is quick, in this play for "getting together," it will enable the man to greatly extend and protract what might be called the time of his possibleretention, if he can keep the foreskin over the glans penis. Some men cannot do this. If they have been circumcised, of course they cannot! But if the glans penis can be covered with the foreskin during all this playing together, it will enable the husband to prolong his "retentional time" far beyond what he otherwise could. Some men have the power of "retaining" to almost any length of time by the exercise of their will power, and so they canwaitfor their wives. If the wife is slower timed than the husband, he shouldcarefully cultivate the "art of retaining"and so wait for her.To do this successfully will greatly increase married happiness.
This same remark (keeping the gland covered) applies with equal force to the possibilities of the man's retention after the organs are united, and all through the third part of the act. If the penis can enter the vagina with its "natural cap on," thehusband can give his wife the pleasure of many times the amount of in-and-out motion than he could otherwise bestow upon her. And if the wife is the slower of the two (as is generally the case) she will greatly appreciate such a favor, and will repay it a THOUSAND FOLD by the responsive, reciprocal motions which she will LAVISH upon herconsideratelover.
This is an item of almost supreme importance—this "keeping the cap on" the penis, during the act,if the wife is slower than the husband—if they need to have a care, to insure their "getting off together."
And here is a curious fact, which would seem to show that Mother Nature has especially provided a blissful reward for both the husband and wife who will be careful on this point. Thus, if the husband will be careful to have the glans penis covered with the foreskin (and, of course, this canneverbe, if the organs are united when the vulva and vagina are dry) when it enters the vagina, and will so engage in the in-and-out motion that it willstay coveredas thethirdact progresses—if this is done, when the climax comes, if the two "spend together," the womb will open its mouth as it were, clasp the foreskin, slip it back over the gland so that, when the supreme instant comes, the naked gland will be in the most direct and blissful contact with the most sensitive part of the uterus! This is a most wonderful provision of nature, and to utilize it, and enjoy it to its utmost, is the maximum of human delight!
Again, if after the organs are well together, in the man-superior position, and the in-and-out motionhas begun, it should be found that the wife is still behind in the game, she can gain greatly in "catching up" if she is permitted tooriginatethe larger part of the motion. To enable her to do this, let her husband hold his body quite well above her, so that she can have plenty of freedom to move her hips as she may choose to. Added to this, if the husband will, in large measure, "hold still," and keep his penis in such position that it presses against theupper partof the vulva, that is against the clitoris, (as the phrase goes, if he will "ride high") and then permit hiswifeto make "long strokes," sliding the organs together for their full possible length, with the clitoris in constant contact with the penis, during the whole of each stroke—all of this will greatly and rapidly increase her passions and bring her to the climax.
Or, as a variation from this, if the organs can be united to their fullest possible limit, so that the base of the penis presses firmly against the Mons Veneris, and the clitoris and labiae almost clasp their mate; and then, in this position, if the husband will maintain thestatus quo, while she lifts her hips hard against his, andswings them about, in a sort of circular motion "round and round," as it were—this will also greatly increase her passion, and soon bring her to the climax.
In both these last described ways of courting, the husband should beextra careful notto permit the weight of his body to press down heavily upon his wife. He shouldwhollysustain himself on his elbowsand knees, and permit her to lift herself, at least her hips, by the help of her arms around his waist. This is no hardship for the husband, if he be a true lover. For is he not strong, and what is his strength for but to delight his sweetheart?A true, devoted, virile and manly lover is always at the service of his sweetheart! To delight her, is to doubly delight himself. This is another point of which mere animals know nothing. There is nothing in all their nature which responds to the like of this, in any way. The whole experience ishuman; it is productive of a joy, of aspiritual elevation, which mere animality knows nothing of—can know nothing of.
Playing thus together, courting each other thus (For, through all these actions, a line ofcomplete mutualness must run! The husband mayseemto be specially accommodating himself, and all he does, to his wife's whims or necessities; but, even so, this will be more of a delight tohimthan it is toher, viewed from thespiritual plane, on the principle that "it is more blessed to give than to receive"—and no truer words than these were ever spoken—while, at the same time, the wife, thoughseemingonly to be gratifying herself, to be reaching after what she alone desires, yet, as a matter of fact, by her very so doing—and the more perfectly, completely, she does this, the better—she is gratifying and delighting her husband to the utmost possible limit) courting each other thus, the lovers will learn to "time" themselves together, perfectly, each knowing just when the other is fully ready, by a sort ofspiritual consciousness,as it were, and so a perfect climax can be reached.
Take time, LET LOVE RULE AND DIRECT; BANISH ALL SELFISHNESS;Let the husband keep his head, andTHE WIFE UTTERLY LOSE HERS, throwing it to the winds, to be wholly swept away by the whirlwind of her passion; feeling free, delighting, to let it go, go, go, no one cares where! Do these things, and married life will be glorious! Of such is the kingdom of heaven, for the truly wedded lovers!
This will be "all Greek," or "foolishness" to the selfish and materially-minded; but to the truly wise, it will belife immeasurable. This is a paradox, but it takes a paradox to tell the greatest truths!
So much for the act of coitus in the man-superior position, when the wife is slower timed than the husband and they adopt this method, and the accompanying means for "getting together." Now, if the other position is taken, that of the wife semi-superior, in the husband's arms, as he lies partly on his back and partly on his left side, etc., here are a few points to be noted to advantage.
Still assuming that the wife is the slower-timed of the two, it is entirely possible that when she has "come over" and has gotten into position, that she may not yet be fully ready for the union of the organs. The very time that it takes for her to get into position, the changing of the position of her body, from her back to her right side; the temporary cessation of the stroking of the vulva by her husbands's [sic] fingers; all these things will have a tendencyto retard her passion, for the time being, and all this loss ought to be made good, if not added to, before thesecondpart of the act is entered upon. And, in this position, all this can most happily be brought about, as follows:—
Lying in each other's arms, in thisseconddescribed position, the organs naturallycomeinto contact in such a way as to make the further excitation of the vulva and clitoris most natural and easy. The spreading of the wife's hips, caused by her throwing her left leg over her husband's right and drawing up of her left knee, opens the vulva wide; and, at the same time, the penis, from the very nature of its position, will lie at full length in the opening, thus exposed—not entering the vagina, but remaining "without the gate" as yet.
By this time the vulva will have become enlarged and elongated, the lips full and the clitoris erect, all in a state of tumescence, and all covered with the pre-coital fluid; the lips so distended that, when thus parted, they form the sides of a labial canal, as it were (a delectable, and most delicately smooth-walled channel). Now, in this extended condition, which is fully as long as the penis, from end to end of its pathway of dalliance, every part covered with the most delicately sensitive nerve-filaments, and all of these in an ecstasy of keenness to the sense of touch, and in the most perfect of "love's strolling way,"—if the penis, as it were, stands up full and strong, in such fashion that it touches the vulva at every point, both inner and outer labiae, the clitoris andall, for a space of five or six inches in length; while the protruded and well-moistened lips of the vulva as it were reach out, and clasp themselves at least half way around their suitor, laving him with their luscious kisses—in this position, the wife being partly above, and so, perfectly free to move her "love way" as she will, she can slide the pathway itself a full six or more inches, up and down, stroking all the area against the penis as she moves; that, again, by its very position, being held firmly in contact by its stiffness and stoutness; the glans penis throbbing lustily against the clitoris when the two meet at the extreme of the wife's up-stroke; she, pausing an instant, just then, to more perfectly enjoy the sensation; the penis slipping past the now wide open vaginal mouth, which reaches out at every down stroke to engulf it—dallying, delaying, coquetting, tantalizing, both man and woman; playing the game in almost a swoon of ecstatic delight—under such conditions the wife's passion will rush to its fullest development, till, when she will, she can drop her vagina upon the penis in such a way that thetwo will be made one, in absolute perfection, on a single move, and from this to the finish it is but a few motions distant.
In some respects this manner of coitus, and this means of "going off together" is unsurpassed.
Which leads to the remark that this position is sometimes the best for the full completion of the act. It is the easiest of all positions, the least fatiguing. And if the wife is tired, or not quite "up to grade,"she can enjoy an embrace of this sort without fatigue, even to the full. For the organs can be united in this position quite perfectly, though the penis will not penetrate the vagina to as great a length as in the other position. Still, the climax can be perfectly reached in this way, and it is one of the best ways to make sure of perfect "timing," of "spending" exactly together, which is greatly in its favor.
If there is a mis-matching of the organs, the vagina of the wife being too short for her husband's penis, this is a most excellent way for meeting and overcoming that difficulty.
This naturally leads to another matter, as follows:—It might seem to the reader that the different "strokings" of the vulva, with the fingers, or the penis, all the contact being outside the vagina, that all of these methods of excitation smack of masturbation, and so are of doubtful rightness. In reply to which, note the following:
The entire affair of coition, in humanity, has already been shown to be something wholly above and beyond mere animality. It is the exercise of functions that belongonly to mankind, and hence is not amenable toanymerelyanimallaws or restrictions! It is the source of numberless human joys, andanymethod of engaging in the act of mutual delight, that is, ofmutually happifying, is legitimate andaltogether right. And so, if the parties choose to increase their mutual delight, if the husband wishes to arouse and intensify his wife's passion bystroking her vulva with his saliva-moistened fingers, andshe wishes him to do so, such act is as right and as wholesome as is coitus in the by-some-supposed-to-beonlyway of its exercise. Let this never be doubted.
The fact is, this whole matter of sexual excitation by means of the hand, or in other ways than the union of the organs, has received a black eye at the hands of would be purists, which it in no way deserves. As already noted, the word masturbation has been fastened to such acts, and then, any and every form of it has been condemned far beyond what the facts warrant, till the minds of the rank and file are wholly misled in the premises! When one looks at the situation from the point of view which insists thatallthe sex functions should be under the control of thewill, then light is thrown upon the entire subject. Seen in this way,anyform of sex stimulation, or auto-erotism even (auto-erotism meansselfsex-excitation) which is NOT CARRIED TO EXCESS, isrightandwholesome! But we have been taught the contrary of this for so long that it is difficult for us to realize that it is true.But it is!
Hence, if it should sometimes happen that the husband should arrive at the climax before the wife does, and he could not bring her to an orgasm by excitation with his spent penis, it would beperfectly right for him to substitute his fingers, and satisfy her in that way. Of course, this would not be as satisfying to her as it would have been could she have met him simultaneously, but it isfar better than for hernot to be entirely gratified! Many a womanSUFFERS ALL NIGHT LONGwith unsatisfied desire, her organs congested and tumescent, because she has been leftUNSATISFIEDby a husband who has spent before she was ready, AND THEN LEFT HER! Such cases might beentirely relieved, if the partiesknew the truth, and were not tooignorant, orprejudiced, orashamedto do what should be done to make the best of a situation.
Of course, no husband should make apracticeof gratifying himself fully, and then bringing his wife to the climax with his fingers. Such a practice would beselfishandwrong. But as anemergencyway of escape, the method is to be commended.
Of course, as has already been explained, the husband always has the advantage, that he can be brought to the orgasm by the insertion of the penis into the vagina,afterhis wife has spent, if she arrives first, since her organs detumesce slowly, and their distended condition permits such action on his part, for some time after she has passed the climax. But not so with the husband. Once spent, his penis shrinks to limpness, almost immediately, and in this condition it cannot satisfy the wife in the least, much less bring her to an orgasm.
Again, if, for any reason, the wife should be unable to meet her husband in coitus proper, because of weakness, or slight illness, or perhaps some temporary soreness of the parts, it would help the situation wonderfully ifshewould takehispenis inherhand and "play with it" till hespent. He would love herfor it, kiss her for it, give her his soul for it!
If a bride and bridegroom knew enough to introduce each other to the delights of an orgasm by "spending" each other by external excitation of the organs with their hands a few times before they united the organs at all, it would be to their lasting well being. This is especially true for the bride. If her lover would take her in his arms, even with all her clothes on, as she sat on his lap, in their bridal chamber, alone, and stroke her vulva till she "spent," the chances are many to one that he would have introduced her to such a joy that she would never forget it, all her life. Surely, such method isinfinitely superiortorapinga bride, as is so frequently done by the ignorant or goody-good young husband, who "stands upon hisrights!"
Indeed, if a bride to be, who was so innocent or ignorant of her own sex possibilities that she had never experienced an orgasm—had never "spent"—could be "put wise" before her bridal-night, if she could be instructed enough to lead her to engage in some form of auto-erotism, bringing herself to an orgasm with her own hand,just for the sake of the experience it would give her, and so that she would have some clear idea of what she really wanted, before she went into the arms of her lover—if she could do this, in the right mental attitude, it would be greatly to her well-being, a worthy and valuable addition to her stock of knowledge of herself and of the powers that are latent within her. Her alleged loss of innocence by such act would be as nothingcompared with the wisdom she would gain by the experience. When innocence leads to harmful results, it is time it was ended, and that knowledge takes its place!
As for the husband, the chances are not one in a million that he will be ignorant of what an orgasm is like before he marries, since all healthy young men "spend" at least once a week, automatically, if not otherwise!
Let it be said further, that auto-erotism, self-spending, may be practiced by both men and women, to their healthful benefit, when sexual exercise cannot be secured in any other way. It is only whencarried to excessthat such action is in any way harmful. The only danger is, that, the individual being alone and having all the means for self-gratification in his or her own hands, so to speak, it is quite possible to indulge in the action too freely, which, of course, leads to bad results.But the act itself is not bad.On the contrary, when kept within bounds, it is healthful and wholesome.
There are many unmarried women, maiden ladies, and especially widows, who would greatly improve their health if they practiced some form of auto-erotism, occasionally. When husbands and wives are forced to be much away from each other, it is right for them to occasionally satisfy themselves in this way, their souls filled with loving thoughts of the absent one the while.
There is any amount of nonsense current about auto-erotism. As a matter of fact, all boys masturbate,and many girls also. Some authors claim that more than half of all women engage in some form of auto-erotism, at some time in their lives, and the estimate is probably too low rather than too high. But, unless they carry the act to excess, they are guilty of no wrong. Not infrequently, they may make the act a means of great good to themselves.The sex organs are alive! They constantly secrete fluids that need to be excreted, as all other organs of the body do. They ought to be relieved, as their nature requires they should be.If this cannot be accomplished as the most natural way prescribes, it is only right to do the next best thing. Only, it should not be carried to excess. Be temperate in all things. Gratify yourself, but don't ABUSE yourself. Auto-erotism, or masturbation, should never be permitted to become "self-abuse," nor is there any need that it should ever do so. It should be self-upbuilding, not self degrading. Rightly used it can be thus.
This brings us to another item in the matter of sexual exercise on the part of the husband and wife, as follows:—
It should be the constant aim and endeavor of both parties to continually lift all sex affairs above the plane of animality, mere physical gratification, into the realm ofmentalandspiritualdelight. To this end, let it be said at once that such a condition can be reached, in the greatest degree, by the practice of what is known, in scientific terms, as "coitus reservatus,"which, translated, means going onlypartof the way in the act, and not carrying it to its climax, the orgasm. Described in terms with which the reader is now familiar, it means, carrying the act only through the first and second stages, the "courting" stage, and the union of the organs, and stopping there! This may seem, at first thought, neither right nor wise, but, as a matter of fact, it is both, as thousands of most happily married people have proved.
Going a bit into details, this act of "reservatus" really unites the first two parts of the act into a common whole, making it simply one continuous piece of "courting," merely that, and nothing more.It is almost entirely amental and spiritual love-embrace; and in its perfection, it exalts the husband and wife to the topmost heights of mental and spiritual enjoyment and expression.
To engage in this form of coitus,not nearlythe effort should be made to arouse the sexual passions of either of the parties, as has already been described as fitting for complete coitus.The orgasm is not the desideratum in this case, but it is just a delightful expression of mutual love. It is a sort of prolonged and all-embracing kiss, in which the sex organs are included as well as the lips. Theykiss each other, as thelipskiss each other. It is "courting," par excellence, without the hampering of clothes or conventionality of any kind.
In this act, the lovers simplydrift, petting each other, chatting with each other, visiting, loving, caressing in any one or all of a thousand ways. The hands "wander idly over the body," the husband's right hand being specially free and in perfect position to stroke his wife's back, her hips, her legs, and pet her from top to toe.
As this part of the act continues, it is the most natural thing in the world that the sex organs should tumesce, and that there should be a flow of both prostatic and pre-coital fluids. That is, the organs quietly and naturally make themselves ready for meeting. And when they are duly tumescent, are properly enlarged and lubricated, let the wife come over into her lover's arms, IN THE SECOND POSITION described, and the organs be slipped together easily,delightfully, and then,let them stay so, fully together,but do not go on with the third part of the act, the motion of the organs. Just lie still and enjoy the embrace, kiss, chat, court, love, dream, enjoy!
This union can be protracted to almost any length, after the lovers learn how to do it. Sometimes the organs may be together only a few minutes, sometimes for an hour, or even longer. If the parties get tired, or sleepy, part the organs, kiss good-night, and go to sleep. Although it is not at all uncommon for such lovers, who have fully learned this art, to go to sleep thus, in each other's arms, their sex organs united; and, in this position, have the organs detumesce, the penis grow limp and slip out of the vagina of its own accord, while the vagina also grows small and the clitoris subsides. This experience is most delightful and if once experienced, once well mastered by the husband and wife, it will continually grow in favor, to their mutual benefit.
This method is of special service during the "unfree time." If rightly used, it will not tend to increase the desire for "spending," but it will, on the contrary, allay and satisfy the sexual desires, most perfectly. If, while learning how, sometimes the inexperienced should "get run away with," and feel that it is better to go on and have the climax, all right. But, as time goes on, the practice of carrying the act only to the end of thesecondpart, will grow, and in due time be well established. Those who have mastered this wholesome and loving art will sometimesmeet in this way a score of times during a month or so, without once coming to the climax. Such meeting can be as often as the parties choose, and of as long, or as short duration as they elect. It is often an excellent way, to say "good-night;" and if, on waking in the morning, there is time before rising for a "little court," this slipping the organs together, for "just a minute," is a most excellent way to begin the day. The art is worth learning, and most people can learn it, if they try,and are of the right spirit!
To go back a little: In speaking of mutual masturbation on the part of the husband and wife, this method of satisfying the sex nature is of great value, sometimes, especially for use during the unfree time. If, during these two weeks, the parties get "waked up," and feel the need of sex exercise, they can satisfy each other with their hands in a way that will be a great relief to each. This is specially true for the husband; and a wife, who is enough of a woman to thus meet her husband's sex-needs, with her hand, when it is not expedient for him to meet her otherwise, is a wife to worship!
Sometimes, during the five days of menstruation, during which time the union of the organs is deemed not best, the wife can thus help her lover with her hand, to their delight and benefit.Let love direct the way here, and all will be well.
And here is a curious fact: The hand of the opposite sex will produce effects on the genitals of the other which willnotbe produced in any other way.Thus, a man may hold his penis in his own hand for a given length of time, longer or shorter, and no result will be effected, no secretion of prostate fluid be made, at all. But let his wife take his penis inherhand for the same length of time, and the flow of prostatic fluid will at once take place. This is true whether the penis be erect or detumescent. If the wife will hold her husband's limp penis in her hand for but a few minutes, even though the organ remains limp, the flow of prostatic fluid will take place! The same is true with regard to the husband's putting his hand on his wife's vulva. Shouldshehold her hand there, no pre-coital fluid would be secreted. With her husband's hand there, the flow would at once begin.
This is a remarkable physical and psychological phenomenon, and it is one especially worthy of note. It is this fact that makesmutualmasturbation far superior to auto-erotism. A husband can thus satisfy a wife with his fingers, or a wife her husband with her hand, far better than either could bring himself or herself to the climax alone. This point is of great import, in considering many of the sex acts of husband and wife.
As a rule, let the husband and wife dowhatever their desire prompts or suggests, and just as they feel they wouldLIKEto. Only this, let all be in moderation.Carry nothing to excess!
Which suggests the question often asked: How frequently may coitus be engaged in? The answer is, just as often as is desired byboth parties, but never to the point of weariness or depletion of thephysical, mental or spiritual body. Use good sense here as elsewhere. We eat when we are hungry, but it is wrong to gorge oneself with food. The same rule holds with regard to sex exercise.Satisfy the calls of nature, butNEVER,overdo the matter. BE TEMPERATE, MANLY, WOMANLY!Don't be afraid or ashamed to do what your desire and your best judgment say is right. Use common sense, and you will not go wrong.
And don't wear each other out, either both together, or the one the other. Many men insist on their rights (THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS) and greatly debilitate themselves by excess of coition with their wives. Per contra, there are some women who wear the lives out of their husbands by the excessive calls they make upon them for sex-gratification. In the latter case, a man will "go to pieces" much faster than a woman who is over-taxed. To satisfy such a woman, a man must spend at least once every time his wife calls on him. This draws on his vital fluids, at every embrace; but, as has been stated, there is no escape of vital fluid from the woman, when she spends, and so she can reach and pass the orgasm, time and again, and still not have her vitality taxed. Indeed, in some cases, the oftener a woman spends, the more animated, robust and healthful she becomes. In case unmatched people meet as husband and wife, they should do their best to adjust themselves to each other's condition, keeping always in mind the best welfare, each of the other.
There are records of women who delight to spenda dozen times in a single night. One queen made a law that every man should cohabit with his wife at least seven times each night! Of course, she was an abnormal woman, though the author once knew a good orthodox deacon who would have been delighted to live under the rule of such a law, for seven times a night was the limit his wife imposed upon him! He was also abnormal.
Luther said twice a week was the rule for coitus, and this is a very common practice. No absolute rule can be given, however, except for each couple to act as they feel, keeping always within the bounds of common sense and true temperance.
There are some men and women so constituted, nervously, or by temperament, that they areobligedto rigorouslylimittheir acts of coition. Some men cannot engage in the act more than once or twice a month and maintain their health. For them, the act draws on their vitality so severely that it quite upsets them, in almost every case. During the act, they are subjected to nervous shocks, they "see stars," and undergo rigors and nervous sweats which are severely debilitating. Often, too, they will lie awake all night after engaging in the act, and be more or less of a wreck for a day or two afterwards.
Some women, too, are of a similar nature of organization, and undergo similar experiences. Of course, in all such cases, unusual care should be taken never to reach the point of excess.
It is unfortunate if people are married who are ill-matched in this regard, especially so if the differencebetween the two is of a pronounced nature, as when the husband or the wife is very amorous and virile, while his or her mate is unable to engage in the act, to any considerable extent, without suffering therefrom. If such case arises, the best should be made of the situation, the more robust party accommodating himself or herself to the incompetency or inability of the other, and the weaker one doing all that can rightly be done to strengthen and develop his or her infirmity. If this is done,the chances are many to one that, as times goes on, the parties will grow more and more alike—the strong becoming more docile and the weaker one more robust. Take time, love each other, court and be courted, and only the best results trill come of it all.
Now there are some women who are called "anesthetic," that is, they have no sex-passion, though the sex parts may be normal. Many physicians declare that as high as forty per cent of the womenwho are reared in modern social lifeare thus lacking. These women engage in coitus, though they get no pleasure from the act. They never reach the orgasm, and have no sensation of delight from the act; they seldom secrete the pre-coital fluid, and hence the union of the organs, or their motion, are never easy or pleasurable. They can become mothers, and often such bear many children. Such condition is greatly to be regretted, and many women suffer greatly from this cause.
It is highly probable, though, that many women who are counted as thus lacking arenot, really, so!Many women will begin married life wholly anesthetic, and, often, sometime will become normal in this regard.This often happens. The probability is that many wives are not properly "courted" by their husbands—THE FIRST PART OF THE ACT IS NEGLECTED,or the husband merely acts on his rights—cohabits like a goat, all in an instant, anxious only to gratify his ownlust; and that,under such treatment, the wife never gets a fair chance to really know her own powers. Such cases are sad beyond telling. For the most part,they are the result of ignorance on the part of the husband, and innocence and wrong teaching—wrong mental attitude—on the part of the wife. HENCE THE NEED OF INSTRUCTIONS TO BOTH.
But if almost any woman will get theright mental attitudetoward sex-meeting, and then can be courted, as has been prescribed in these pages, the cases arerare indeedwhere a woman can be found who isreallyanesthetic. If you, wife, or you, husband, are "up against" such a condition, try "courting," as herewith laid down,in a proper mood and spirit, and you will come out all right. There is no doubt of it.
On the contrary, if the man is "impotent" there is small hope of his ever coming out of such condition, and the chances are many to one that he will never be able to satisfy his wife sexually. He may be a "good man," in a way, but he can never be a goodhusband, in the full meaning of that word.
On the other hand, if a woman marries formoney, or a home, or position, or place, or power, or a "meal-ticket"—foranything but love, she will doubtless be anestheticand stay so. She deserves to! She sells herself for a mess of pottage, whoever she is. She may be a "good woman," but she can never be a goodwife.
The question is sometimes asked as to how late in life the sex organs can function pleasurably and wholesomely for the parties concerned. And here, as elsewhere, the reply can only be that it all depends on the individual. But this is true, that, as a rule, the status of the individual during the years of active life will persist, even to old age, if the sex-functions are used and not abused. There is no function of the body, however, which will "go to pieces" quicker, and ever after be a wreck, as will the sex organs, if they are not treated rightly.
And this works both ways: If too rigorously held in check,if denied all functioning whatever, the parts will atrophy, to the detriment of the whole nature, physical, mental, and spiritual. The body will become "dried up," the sex organs shriveled, and a corresponding shrinking of the whole man or woman, in all parts of the being, is very apt to follow.
On the other hand, an excess of sex-functioning will soon deprive the individual of all such power whatsoever. A man will, in his comparatively early life, lose the power of erection, or tumescence entirely, as a result of excess, either by masturbation or from too frequent coitus; and on the part of the woman, many unfortunate conditions are liable toarise. However, for reasons that have already been stated, a woman who is strongly sexed, and of a pronounced amorous nature, can maintain even great excess of sex exercise without suffering such ill results as would befall a man who should so indulge. That is, an excessively passionate wife can far sooner wear the life out of a husband who is only moderately amorous, than can an abnormally passionate husband wear out a moderately amorous wife.
But if the sex nature of the husband and wife are well cared for during the years of active life, neither too much restrained or too profusely exercised, the functioning power of the sex organs will remain, even to old age, with all their pleasure-giving powers and sensations intact. This is a wonderful physiological fact, which leads to a conclusion, as follows:—
This fact of the staying qualities of the power of sex functioning, even to old age, is thesupremeproof of the fact that sex, in the human family,serves a purpose other than reproduction!
For, see! A woman loses the power to conceive when she reaches the "turn of life," when her menses cease, that is, when she is between forty and fifty years of age. And if pleasure in coition serves only to induce her to engage in the act for the purpose of increasing the probability of her becoming pregnant, if this is thesolepurpose of desire for sex intercourse, such desire, such pleasure,ought to ceaseat that period of feminine life.But this is by no means the case! If a wife is a normal woman, sexually,and has neither abused her sex nature or had it abused, or neglected, and is a well woman, she will enjoy coitus as much after she has passed her three score and ten date in her life as she did before! She may not care to engage in the act as frequently as in her younger days; but if she is well courted by her old lover, all the joys of the former days are still hers, to as great a degree as ever. And what is true of her is true of her husband, if he is well preserved, as she is, has never abused himself or been abused.
This is a reward of virtue, for old lovers, that pays a big premium on righteous sex-action in earlier years! More than all,it is a proof, beyond all question, that the purpose of sex in humanity is something more than procreation, that there is such a thing as the Art of Love, and that it ought to be taught and well learned by every husband and wife, in their early married life.