HIGH LIFE BELOW STAIRS.

Scene I.—Miss Evelyn’schamber.Katy Maguire,R., dressed in blue silk, standing before a mirror. She is putting on a lace collar.

Katy.It is my private opinion that this blue dress is the purtiest of the lot, an’ as long as Miss Evelyn won’t wear it, there’s no reason why Katy Maguire shouldn’t. It won’t be long before it’ll be out of fashion; an’ it might as well be doin’ a little good to somebody, first.

(She takes out from jewel-case several sets of jewelry, and fastens them in conspicuous places on the waist of the dress. She puts all the bracelets she can find on her wrists, and places around her neck a gold chain, and also a string of cornelian beads. Taking a richly-embroidered handkerchief in her hand, she gazes complacently at herself in the mirror.)

K.There, Katy Maguire (courtesying to the image reflected), you look like a lady born and bred. If your mistress should see you now, she wouldn’t need to ask if you was an experienced dressing-maid. There aint many that shows such fine taste in dressin’, or has enough jewelry to set off the dress with. What an ilegant trail it has, sure! (glancing complacently back at the dress, and taking two or three steps forward to see the effect. EnterMary,R.)

Mary(starting back in surprise). Well, Katy, who ever’d ha’ thought of this being you? What are you rigged up in Miss Evelyn’s finery for?

K.(loftily). I am Miss Maguire, now, and I expect you’ll treat me like a lady, as I am. I shall give a reception this evenin’ in the drawin’-room, an’ when you go downstairs, you can invite Miss Flaherty, Miss Maglone, an’ Mister Dunn to be present. An’ if Miss Flaherty thinks best, she might send in to the next house, an’ invite our friends there to come in.

M.What do you suppose Miss Evelyn will say?

K.(sarcastically). If you feel anxious to know ye might ask her when she gets home. The entertainment’llbe over before that time. But yer better be goin’ down now to deliver the invitation, as it’s gitting late (walks along a few steps, swinging her dress).

M.(with a look of hatred which changes to a malicious smile) I’ll be after goin’, thin, Miss Maguire. (With a mocking bow she leaves the room,R.)

K.It’s aisy to see that Mary is jealous of my good looks. But I pity the poor crathur, for she’s as homely as a sick duck. I must go downstairs now. It’s most time for James to be home from drivin’ Miss Evelyn to the party. He’s a nice lad, an’ I’ll be much surprised if he aint took wid my charms.

(Exit,R.)

(Curtain falls.)

Scene II.—Kitchen.Ann Flaherty,R.,Bridget Maglone,R. C.,James Dunn,L. C., andPat. Garvey,L., present. EnterMary,L.

M.(excitedly). Well, I never seen sich doin’s before! (All come forward expectantly.)

Bridget.An’ what is it, Mary?

Patrick(eagerly). What’s the row upstairs? Anybody kilt?

M.Katy’s been up to Miss Evelyn’s chamber an’ rigged up in her clothes, an’ she says she’s goin’ to give a grand party in the drawin’-room this avenin’, an’ invites all to be prisint.

James(rubbing his hands). Ah! Katy’s a jew’l.

Ann.Av course we’ll all accept the invitation.

M.She says if ye thought best, he might sind in to the next house an’ invite the frinds there.

B.Sure an’ wedothink best. Pat., jist run over to Mr. Bradley’s an’ ask the cook an’ all the rest to come over here an’ pass the avenin’. We’re going to have a grand party here. Tell ’em to come right away.

P.I’ll bring ’em all in, in five minutes.

(ExitL., swinging his hat.)

M.An’ what d’ye think Miss Evelyn will say?

B.Arrah now, Miss Evelyn will niver know anything about it. We’ll be all through with the party before she comes home.

A.Indade an’ ye may trust Katy to get through’t safely. She’s lived with the quality before now, an’ knows how things is done. She’s shrewd, Katy is.

J.That’s thrue for you. An’ how can Miss Evelyn come home till I go after her? She tould me to have the carriage there at half-past twelve o’clock, an’ it isn’t ulleven yit.

A.I’m thinkin’ we ought to have a trate before the party is over.

B.Av coorse we must have some refrishments.

J.I ixpect you ladies can manage that.

A.We’ve got plinty o’ presarves and cake an’ wine. But we’ll want some ice-crame.

J.I’ll furnish that same. I’ll sind Pat. for it whin he comes back.

B.Thin we’ll go upstairs now.

A.The rest of yez go, an’ I’ll lay the table all ready for the trate. It won’t be long before I’ll be wid yez.

(Exit all butAnn. Curtain falls.)

Scene III.—Miss Evelyn’sdrawing-room.Katyseated on sofa,C., with the skirts of her dress spread out so as to make as great a display as possible. EnterAnn,Bridget,MaryandJames,R.All butMarymake low bows to her. She acknowledges the salutations by a slight inclination of her head.

J.This must be a very select party, when Miss Maguire didn’t invite more persons to be prisint.

B.Sure we don’t know how many invitations she has sint out. Fashionable people don’t come very airly. We’ll have more byme-by. (Bell rings.) They’re beginnin’ to arrive now.

K.Misther Dunn ye’ll oblige me by goin’ to the door, if ye plaze.

(Jamesgoes out, and soon returnsL., withCorny Reilly,Ellen SweenyandJulia Griffin. He conducts them toKaty.)

J.Miss Maguire, this is Miss Sweeny, Miss Griffin, and Misther Reilly.

Corny(bowing with many flourishes). My respects to yez, Miss Maguire. (The other two visitors bow, andKatyreturns the salutations of all.)

J.Miss Maguire, won’t ye favor us with a little illegant music?

M.It’s little enough of that kind ye’ll get.

K.If ye’ll esquort me to the pianner, I’ll play pervidin’ yez will all sing.

A.(who has just entered). Av coorse we will.

M.I aint a-goin’ to sing anyway.

K.(sarcastically). Yer vice won’t be missed, Miss Finnegan.

J.Allow me to lade yez to the pianner.

(Katytakes his arm and goes to the piano,L. C., where she seats herself.)

K.(turning around). What can ye sing, ladies?

J.You choose the song for us.

K.Well, thin, it’s a midley I’ll play, an’ then ye can sing what ye plaze.

(She commences drumming on the piano, and her companions, grouped around her, sing, each one a different piece, a short one. EnterPat.,R., who dances round the stage till the close of the singing.)

P.(going toKatyand speaking in a low tone, but loud enough for all to hear). Say, Katy, I’ve been down-town, an’ got some ice-crame. It’s downstairs now. We’re going to have a big trate byme-by.

K.(smiling graciously). Is that so, Pat.?

P.Yis, an’ the things on the table looked so timptin’ that I stopped an’ refreshed mesilf wid a little cake an’ wine. (Begins to sing some Irish air.)

J.Look here, Pat.; what did ye meddle with that wine for? Ye spalpeen, I b’lave ye’re dhrunk.

P.(slyly). Sure, that’s where ye’re wrong, Misther Dunn. I jist took a wee dthrop to keep my sperits up. (Begins to dance.)

J.It’s more like ye’ve put all the sperits down yer throat, yer thafe of the world!

P.Owin’ to my partic’lar good nature, I shan’t notice that little insinivation o’ yours. But say, now, let’s have a dance. If you aint goin’ ter play, Katy, jest be my partner, will yer?

J.Miss Maguire’s engaged ter me.

K.Yis, I’m engaged to Misther Dunn.

P.Whew! That’s the way the wind blows, thin. Welldunn, Jimmy! (All laugh.)

J.(pushingPat.). Jist be a little more respectful to your betters, ye blackguard! (Turning toKatypolitely) Will you allow me, Miss Maguire? (Offers his arm, whichKatytakes, and they take their places for the dance.)

P.Say now, who’s goin’ to fiddle for us? Or is we goin’ ter dance widout any music?

C.Miss Sweeny plays on the pianner at our house.

K.Then perhaps Miss Sweeny will do us the favor ter play for us.

(In imitation ofJames’example,Pat.immediately rushes up toEllen, saying with many flourishes:)

P.Allow me, Miss Sweeny. (She takes his arm and goes to piano and seats herself.)

(Pat.goes toMary, and offers his arm for the dance, but she turns disdainfully from him, and goes out with a lofty air.Pat.then goes toJulia, who accepts him as a partner.Corney, at the same time, takesBridgetandAnn(one on either arm), and all have taken their places.At the sound of the piano, they break into an Irish jig of the wildest sort.Pat.cuts up the maddest capers. A bell rings outside, but in the uproar it is unheard by the dancers. A moment later,Miss Evelynappears at the door,L.She stands for a moment, dumfounded at the scene before her. At first she is not seen by any of the company, butEllen, happening to look up, beholds her and clasps her hands in alarm. The dancers, not hearing the sound of the piano, look toward it to discover the cause. They observe the dismay pictured inEllen’sface, and, following the direction of her eyes, they beholdMiss Evelyn.They stand with startled faces.)

Miss Evelyn(sternly). What does all this mean?

M.(triumphantly). It’s all Katy’s doin’s, miss.

K.(Darting a withering glance at the speaker, and then turning toMiss E.). We were only indulgin’ in a little innocent amusement, ma’am. I hope you’re not offended.

Miss E.But who gave you leave to deck yourself in this manner?

K.Sure I was only airin’ the dress, ma’am, as it had hung so long in the closet.

Miss E.Well, I don’t approve of any such airs. Leave the room, every one of you! The idea of my drawing-room being the scene of a servants’ party! You will all receive your discharge to-morrow morning.

(The servants leave the room,R., looking crestfallen enough—all butKaty, who sweeps out of the room with a lofty air, determined to keep up her character to the last.)

P.(aside toAnn, who goes out last). An’ aint we goin’ to have our trate then?

A.(aside). Whist! Yis. Say nothin’. We’re goin’ to have it right away. Miss Evelyn never comes down below at this time o’ night.

(Exeunt.)

Miss E.(seating herselfC.in disgust). Was there ever any annoyance equal to that of keeping servants? Mine are a constant source of trouble. I have threatened to discharge them all to-morrow morning. But what shall I gain by it? I shall have another set who will perhaps try my patience even more than these have done. Servants understand their importance, and realize their power over their employers. It is becoming a species of tyranny. If I could only do without them I most assuredly would do so. (A shout of laughter is heard in the distance.Miss E.stands up.) What! haven’t they done yet? Probably they are gormandizing, downstairs, at my expense. (To the audience—a little sarcastically:) I have heard some persons wish for wealth, so that they could afford to keep servants to wait on them. They do not realize the emptiness of their desires. A person who has few wants, and can minister to them himself, is more independent than the wealthiest person living. Those who keep a multitude of servants are dependent ontheir whims, and should not be surprised at frequent outbursts of High Life Below Stairs.

(Curtain falls.)

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