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This consists of the white linen shirt. It should always be made to order, if a fit is desired.
The shirt opens in front only. You may have two or three buttonholes in the bosom.
The collar and cuffs are attached. Never wear detachable collars and cuffs.
This shirt with the plain bosom is worn for morning wear, afternoon dress, evening dress, or any other wear during the day. The same style of shirt is worn winter or summer.
Very elegant shirts are made for evening dress, consisting of embroidered bosoms or frills of linen. With each change of wear the linen should also be changed.
At least three changes a day are made.
The style of the collar. This may be very high, or medium, as your taste directs.
The cuffs should extend to the first thumb-joint. Cuffs are made with round or square edges.
The high, or standing, collar is worn with morning wear, afternoon dress, evening dress, and all other dress.
The Handkerchief.—This is of pure white linen, with white borders.
Embroidered or not, as taste dictates.
The same style is carried with morning wear, afternoon dress, or evening dress, or any other wear.
The upper left outside pocket is the place to carry it, except in evening dress,when it is carried in the left or right side upper inside waistcoat pocket.
The handkerchief of silk is carried with evening dress only. It is carried in the right hand while dancing, and worn in the shirt front.
It may be any pattern desired. White silk is always the body, the border only being colored.
The neckerchief.This is of silk, selected as to color and pattern. This is worn around the neck with greatcoat during cold weather.
It is not a good thing to wear, as far as health goes.
It is not necessary to the stylish dresser.
A gold pin may be worn in a neckerchief.
Waistcoat Facings.—These are seldom worn now by the dressers.
The material used is linen or silk, always white. They are cut to match the waistcoat, opening about the tie.
Worn in winter only.
They can be worn with morning wear or afternoon dress.
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This consists of shirt, drawers, and half-hose.
The material may be flannel, balbriggan, or silk.
White is the proper color, because it is pure and clean.
Such colors as pink, or blue, or black may be worn.
Have the drawers fit tight, or the trousers will set ill.
Half-hose.—These should fit very tight.
They should match the shirt and drawers in material and color.
Half-hose should be in solid colors only.
Morning wear and afternoon dress. White or black is the most elegant; other shades may be worn, if desired. They should match the underwear.
For evening dress, white or black only. White half-hose worn with white underwear only. Black half-hose with white or black underwear only.
Half-hose Supporters.—These are made to hold up half-hose. They are of white silk. Other colors may be worn.
Underclothing should be changed at least twice a day. Silk is worn always with evening dress. Indulge in baths as frequently as possible.
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In ties, cravats, and scarfs we have two colors—these are the principals. They are black, and white. With these, combined or separate, the most elegant scarfs are made. They may be figured or flowered, or solid colors. The materials used are silks, crêpes, satins and lawn.
The patterns—with black or white as a background—are innumerable.
Use all the taste you can command in selecting ties.
Remember that black is your principal body-coat color, and select your ties accordingly. At the same time you must not have the color or pattern of the tie at war with that of the waistcoat or trousers.
Never wear those flaming ties, or shades that remind you of the colored paper sold in shops.
But a gentleman need not be cautioned in this, for he has or will acquire taste.
Besides black or white it is permissible to wear such shades of maroon, green, blue, violet, as are of a rich but quiet style. These are only worn with morning wear.
For Morning Wear.—Cravats, four-in-hands, and puff scarfs. All self-tying. These may be black, white, or any of the before-mentioned shades. In silks and black satin. Gold pins are worn in the scarfs. It is the acme of ugliness to wearpins in a four-in-hand, besides being vulgar. The four-in-hand may be tied in the regulation style or in the form of a bow.
Never wear a made-up bow, scarf, or four-in-hand. They look cheap, and they are vulgarly common.
Then there is the bow or cravat, tied in the regular bow-knot.
Black is the richest and most elegant color for morning wear.
The same styles are worn in summer as in winter. In summer much of the bosom is allowed to show; while in winter it seldom or never shows, excepting evening dress. Wherever and whenever morning wear is used, any of these ties may be worn.
For riding, driving, traveling, yachting, and lounging, the ties for morning wear may be worn.
Very elegant, large cravats—tied in a bow-knot, or as a four-in-hand—are madefrom De Joinvilles; either in black satins or black silks, or dark shades of silk.
The De Joinville is folded by yourself or your furnisher. It may be sewed or not. This De Joinville cravat is for morning wear only. Always have your ties, cravats, and scarfs made to order. This is the only way to keep them uncommon.
Afternoon Dress.—Here is the chance for the greatest amount of display. Diamond pins, and large, white, puff scarfs tied and pinned in shape by yourself, are worn with the cutaway body-coat or the frock body-coat.
In winter the large puff scarf only is worn with afternoon dress.
In summer, four-in-hands—either in bow or regular tie—as well as the puff scarfs are worn. With a sash—a bow tied or a four-in-hand tied, its ends placed in the opening of the bosom, is worn. Ascarf may be worn with a sash when the body-coat is not worn open.
Waistcoats should be four buttons, and body-coats cut low in collars in order to show the beauties of the huge puff scarf now worn.
Silk is the material for the white scarf.
Satin is only allowable in black and dark shades for scarfs.
Exquisite silk or crêpe puff scarfs consisting of white background with figures or flowers of a violet, blue, purple, maroon, etc., as your taste directs, are worn.
Remember, simplicity for morning wear—elegance for afternoon dress.
For house wear the black silk or satin four-in-hand is the neatest tie worn.
The Ascot form of tying a scarf is seldom used now.
Evening Dress.—Full evening dress requires the white lawn cravat—self-tying.
Long and wide is the most elegant.
Once or twice around may be worn. For wear with Tuxedo or Cowes body-coat, or the dress body-coat at informal affairs, theater, club, or home dinners, the black satin cravat—self-tying—is the proper thing. It may be once or twice around as you like. Never wear this cravat with a white waistcoat or white sash.
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The walking stick is worn with morning wear, afternoon dress, but never with evening dress.
The styles are ever changing. Sticks are worn in summer and winter. In selecting sticks do not take the extremes in heavy or light. Never have any metal but silver—it is the most elegant.
Among the best dressers and beaus of this city the walking stick is no longer carried or worn, either with morningwear or afternoon dress. As went the rapier so goes the walking stick.
The Umbrella.—This is worn only in doubtful or wet weather.
It is worn at any time of day. Silver is the only proper metal. The material should be silk or part silk. Never wear the case in the street.
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Weddings.—At morning weddings, the bridegroom wears formal afternoon dress and pearl-gray gloves. The others wear morning dress.
Afternoon weddings, all wear afternoon dress.
Evening weddings, all wear evening dress.
Funerals.—If in the morning, morning wear. Afternoon, afternoon dress. Evening, evening dress. Of course, all the attire is black in this case; the onlyreason for black being the demand of superstitious custom.
Christenings.—According to the time of day it takes place. If morning, morning wear. Afternoon, afternoon dress. Evening, evening dress.
At Home or Church.—The dress is the same when weddings, etc., take place at home as at church.
Calls New Year’s.—It is not proper now to make calls on New Year’s day. That is the only time that evening dress was ever worn before 6P. M.It was worn nearly all day then.
For Mourning.—Everything worn that shows, excepting the linen, should be black, for all times of day.
Church Wear.—On Sunday, afternoon dress is worn at morning, afternoon, or evening service.
On the other days of the week, morning wear, or afternoon dress, or evening dress, according to time of service, may be worn.
Suspenders.—These may be of silk, or any other suitable material. Silk should always be worn with evening dress. White is the neatest color that can be worn.
Suspenders are worn with every dress, summer or winter, with or without a sash. Each pair of trousers should have its individual suspenders. Great care must be used in adjusting the suspenders; if not, the trousers will set awkwardly.
Uppers, or Overgaiters.—This article is becoming somewhat obsolete here. They are worn in the street only. They may be worn over any shoe or tie. For traveling or walking only.
On entering the house they should be removed. If worn, they should always be made the same as the trousers, in material and pattern. They spoil the set of the trousers in the legs. They are also clumsy. They are some protection to the trousers in muddy weather. They may be worn summer or winter.
Uppers may be worn with morning wear, afternoon dress, or evening dress. Black cloth uppers may be worn during the daytime as well as in the evening.
Attire Made to Order.—Have everything you wear made to order, when possible.
Blondes and Brunettes.—Blondes should prefer dark materials. Brunettes, light materials.
Jewelry.—The jewelry for a gentleman: Gold hunting-case watches. Gold fob-chains and silk fobs.
A watch may be worn with any dress. Silk fob for morning wear. Gold for afternoon and evening.
As many rings as he cares to possess. Rings are not worn with evening dress; only in the afternoon. In fact, it is not fashionably necessary to wear rings.
The buttons used in the shirt bosoms are of gold set with precious stones. Diamonds are the most elegant.
Plain gold buttons are worn with morning wear.
Stonine studs or buttons, in fact all studs, are out of style.
For the sleeve or cuff: gold buttons are used for all wear.
Any number of gold pins for the scarfs. These may be plain gold or set with precious stones; diamonds, of course, being preferable.
Simple elegance is now the rule in jewelry.
Dressing Case.—Always have on hand a large valise or dressing case for traveling.
It is requisite if you go out of town for a night only, it being necessary to carry evening dress.
Dressing Case Articles.—Articles for a dressing case are hair-brushes, combs, whisk-brooms, cloth-brushes, hand-mirrors, manicure set, soaps, washes and toilet lotions, wash-cloths, brushes and picks for the teeth and gums, and shaving outfit.
Rubbers.—Rubbers or goloshes are worn, if desired; but only while walking in the street. It is much better to have a heavy pair of laced-shoes for mud or snow. Of course, when there is ice on the walks, it is necessary to wear rubbers, if you do any walking. Rubbers, when walking, may be worn over evening dress shoes.
Dress Shields.—These are of silk or satin. White or black.
It is for evening dress only. Only for winter weather. It is placed over the linen bosom whileen route.
English Rain Attire.—An English attire for rainy weather consists of an oiled topper—top-hat oiled with vaseline—and a long-skirted greatcoat, with a cape. Material and pattern selected. This is worn only during the day. Umbrella and rubbers are unnecessary.
English Hunt Attire.—A heavy top-hat of black silk plush is worn. Gloves, crop, and spurs.
A single-breasted, frock body-coat, green or pink, kersey. White moleskin, loose breeches. Top riding-boots.
Hunt Ball.—The only change is in the body-coat. This is a pink broadclothevening dress body-coat. A white lawn cravat and white silk waistcoat are worn with it.
Cloth Bands for Top-hats.—Wide black cloth bands are now worn on the silk top-hat, afternoon or evening. For riding or driving.
Wigs.—The wearing of wigs is a custom of the past. Whether it is to be revived or not the future alone will show.
It is perfectly proper for a bald man to wear a wig. There is no reason in his hiding the fact either. A young man may wear a wig if he is prematurely bald. He certainly will make his appearance more presentable to others by so doing.
Opera Glass.—A gentleman may carry one to the theater or opera—evening or afternoon. The small opera glass is most convenient.
Decorations.—These are worn only on formal occasions. Then they should appear on evening dress, or on afternoon dress with a frock body-coat. Worn on the left breast.
Fans.—These may be carried at any evening reception by a gentleman, if he desires to so do, when there is to be dancing.
Folding fans, with a heavy black or white silk cord and tassel, are recommended.
As a rule, fans are carried only for summer dances. A gentleman will find it convenient and comfortable to have his own fan.
Knee-buckles and Shoe-buckles.—These are of sterling silver. Buckles may be worn when knee-breeches are worn.
Trousers Crease.—This may be worn in trousers or not as taste dictates.
It certainly improves the set of the trousers, and keeps the knees straight.
Pockets.—These appear only in the waistcoat and body-coat. The only things carried—morning wear, afternoon dress, and evening dress—are the linen kerchief—including the silk when in evening dress—money, watch, and fob chain in silk or gold, cards, pencil, silver or gold.
The Monocle.—This is worn any time of day. Narrow black silk ribbon or cord is worn on it for morning and afternoon. For evening a wide black silk ribbon is used.
Wearing a monocle is an English custom.
The monocle is seldom worn in this city. When worn it is placed in the right eye.
A gentleman in ordering his apparel, whether for morning wear, afternoon dress, or evening dress, will follow his own taste and desire as regards the style of seams, the material and style of linings, the size, number, and kind of buttons to be used, the number of pockets, the length of body-coats, overcoats, length and width of trousers, the style of his hat, gloves, and shoes, the length of sleeves and width of collars, use of braids and bindings, use of collar facings,—in fact, every point connected with the making of garments, both outer and under clothing, hats, shoes, gloves, and ties, all these he must decide and order the maker to follow out.
It is only through this care and attention to details that he can show his tasteand ability to dress. Most important of all—especially in clothing—is the selection of material.
This completes the dress necessary for a gentleman of fashion, in society or out. He is not asked to follow implicitly the rules as laid down here, but rather follow his own taste and ideas in the making and wearing of garments.
This is only meant as a guide. It is believed to be correct in all its details, and can be followed safely as such.
Finis coronat opus.
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Before entering upon my subject, I would first state that this work is unlike former books on manners and etiquette, for it seeks not as in those cases to establish rules, enjoining the reader to be controlled thereby, nor does it define customs and force them upon his knowledge. It merely touches upon usages of sufficiently long standing to constitute customs of society, reviews them before his mind, and classes them as faults if not properly practised, and gives the remedies of those faults. Also it defines customs which are practised too exactly to appear natural, and shows wherein they can be modified. In this work there are no monotonous rules imperatively laid down and the subjects are not tiresomely strained.The most important customs only are described, with their modifying rules; and though the work may say what should be done or omitted, yet it leaves it to the option of the reader whether or not he will perfect his social training by a recognition and due exercise thereof.
To classify the subjects under two general heads, I would first speak of “Appearance.”
There is no necessity for a gentleman to give opportunities for others to criticize his appearance. There is no reason why a gentleman should not at any and all times present a complete and neat attire. Dress, extravagant or plain, can always have such an effect, if care and taste are exercised. If he is in doubt as to his own ability to dress tastefully, then he should submit himself to tuition, or, if he is too proud to disclose his ignorance in the matter, he should take careful notice of the appearance andgood taste displayed by others, and endeavor to gain knowledge therefrom. In order to carry out my advice, it is only necessary that a gentleman should either possess or acquire good taste, and refer entirely to styles established by custom, as elucidated in Part 1. of this book.
The second head of customs is “Manner.” For a gentleman should not present a perfect appearance as to dress, and at the same time accompany his good taste with bad or impolite manners. A gentleman should have a thorough knowledge of polite manners as established by custom, such as are defined in this work. I mention only the most important ones, it being immaterial to go into the minor branches of etiquette and manners, as they naturally follow in consequence of a due exercise of the more important ones. It is a very simple matter to cultivate easy and graceful manners, and just as easy to usethose manners in a polite and gentlemanly way, no matter how or under what circumstances one may be placed in society.
And now I think my reader is prepared for a perusal of what I would term not a classification of rules, but a kind of outline history of customs as they should be recognized.
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Section 1.A gentleman should never leave his room without a complete attire, as it is essential that he present the same appearance before a servant as a lady. The same rule should apply when he risks encountering unknown gentlemen, or acquaintances, as it should be his desire to receive respect at the hands of both sexes.
2. If passing up or down stairs or through halls, a gentleman should take care not to tread heavily; especially is this urged in hotels, when it is found necessaryto pass through hallways late at night.
3. When about to ascend or descend a narrow stairway, if a lady is discovered thereon, step aside and allow her to pass; your act thus permitting her free way without the discomfort of turning, as would follow if both met thereon.
If with a lady, in ascending or descending a narrow stairway, always precede her, putting a distance of at least four steps between. If on a broad stairway, allow her to occupy a place next the balustrade, placing yourself at her other side.
4. Not under any consideration should a hat be worn in a house or church; never in a theater till the play is over, when it is allowable, as established by custom, on account of the draft following the opening of the exits, and not in a hotel except in the office or smoking-rooms thereof. Thewearing of a hat is also permissible when lingering or detained in the draft of any open exit to the street.
5. The body-coat should never be removed in the presence of ladies, no matter how ready they may be to approve of the act, unless it is their express and unanimous desire, in which case the better policy, in choosing between the alternative of positive rudeness and a fall of dignity, is to take the course requested.
6. An overcoat should never be worn in a private house unless the temperature is such as makes the act compulsory in order to preserve the health, and then only on receiving approval from the majority of those ladies (only) who may be present. It is immaterial if it be worn in a hotel, exceptions being made to the parlors, ball-room, dining-rooms or apartments. The overcoat should be removedimmediately on entering a theater or music hall if the intention is to remove it at all, as it is the height of rudeness to rise in the seat to remove it if the act cause discomfort to, or obscures the view of, parties occupying rear or adjoining seats.
7. (a) Never add to your comfort by making your appearance displeasing to others. And under this head I would state that the pockets of either coat, vest, or trousers should never be bulged out with articles so as in any way to spoil the effect of neatness and cut of the clothing. (b) The clothes should not be allowed to wrinkle; if carefully worn, or when not in use hung smoothly on stretchers, wrinkles can be avoided. (c) The hands should never be carried awkwardly, and especially must care be taken to keep them out of the pockets; such habits mar the appearance of the gentleman.
8. Cards.—(a) If calling upon one young lady, only one card should be delivered at the door; if on two ladies, two cards are required. It is unnecessary that more than two should be sent up, even if the call is made on the whole family. This rule applies, also, in delivering cards at receptions, teas, afternoon musicales, and the like. Always send cards on occasions when you cannot attend in person. When calling upon ladies visiting a card should also be sent to their hostess.
(b) The card should always have the gentleman’s address on the right hand lower corner; or, if he has no permanent place of residence, then the name of his club, or of some person in whose care communications can be forwarded to him. If his name has too many initials to permit of using the Christian name, then “Mr.” should be used,and only the initials placed before the surname; but otherwise, the use of “Mr.” is according to taste, whether it be placed before the Christian name or omitted, though the latter is advised.
9. Calling should be confined entirely to the afternoon and evening; a few exceptions can be made in the case of very dear friends, when a call in the morning would not be out of the way. Such should be made between the hours of eleven and one. Afternoon calls should be made from three till five, exceptions being made on occasions where the lady is in the habit of having five o’clock tea, when it is allowable for the gentleman to stay till his cup or two cups are finished; on no account is he to partake of more than two. Ordinary evening calls extend from eight to ten and are not to be made later than eight-thirty. For noreason whatever should a gentleman stay later than ten, unless he is calling upon his fiancée; the evening receptions extend from eight to eleven, and the call must be made before ten.
When pressed to remain to a meal, unless at least five or six calls have previously been made, he should decline the invitation, exceptions being permitted when the young lady’s parents or guardians are on intimate terms with his own, in which case the second call will justify him in accepting. Intimacy between her brothers or sisters and your own will not suffice. The card is delivered at the door, and while waiting for the lady, enter the parlor. It is not necessary to remove the overcoat until the butler announces whether or not she is at home and can see you; whereupon, if she acknowledges your card, the overcoat, hat, cane and overshoes are to be left in thehall; on no account leave them about the parlor. It is not necessary to remove the gloves. This rule applies in all cases where ordinary calls are in question; if merely on a mission to occupy but a few moments, the overcoat may be kept on, and the cane carried in the hand, but the hat must always be left upon the rack.
Always rise and advance to meet a lady at the door; do not subject her to the inconvenience of discovering you and coming to you herself. If the lady seats herself upon a sofa, do not place yourself beside her without first obtaining her consent. If you take the seat, be careful of your position, and do not appear too easy and at home, and, above all, do not cross the legs. Also, keep the hands as quiet as possible; don’t handle any objects or toy with ornaments, or twist your watch-chain, for it shows you are either nervous orfidgety, and you thereby produce the nervous effect upon your companion. The conversation should be of a sensible topic; or, if amusing, it should be at least interesting: the best topics to converse upon being theaters, plays, society, picture exhibitions, art, buildings, literature, and especially light gossip. Travels may also be discussed, but first ascertain of the lady whether she has traveled; if not, and she does not ask you to recite your travels, and it is your desire to do so, then describe them as briefly as possible. If you find a young lady begins to appear restless, say a few words more and take your departure; there is no knowing but that she has some other engagement. Never at any time speak of an acquaintance in a disagreeable manner. Do not even say anything unguardedly about a third person, for fear that the trait or action youdescribe may disclose to your companion of whom you are speaking. These last two cautions may seem of minor importance, but they are, on the contrary, very important, as thousands of serious quarrels result from neglecting them.
10. When in company, do not by word or action make yourself obnoxious to those present. Your words should be well chosen and spoken at the proper time, and in good grammar; omit slang. If of a joking frame of mind, deliver your joke in a quiet way, and do not carry your ability too far; for too much of a good thing is worse than none at all. A few good jokes, delivered with telling effect, will do more for your reputation in that line than a thousand poor ones improperly delivered. No man should laugh at his own joke, and when doing so at others’ he should take care not tobe boisterous. Do not monopolize the conversation; it cannot be done without interrupting others, and to do that is the height of rudeness. When in company, and persons are talking, do not pick them up on any statement of which you do not approve, and pointedly contradict them, nor start any argument which would tend to their embarrassment. Never flatter or compliment in company, as it makes the object of your attention feel conspicuous, and those present imagine that they are of less importance in your estimation. Do not ask a young lady to attend any entertainment with you, or do not extend any invitation if another lady be present, with whom you are even but slightly acquainted; your partiality for one should never be disclosed to another. Unless you can do it gracefully, do not execute a dance or attempt to imitate stage performers.
Also take care not to upset or run into ornaments or stub the toe against them, and be sure of your footing, that you do not trip on mats, etc. A great many gentlemen imagine it to be necessary to back out of a room on taking their departure; not so,—merely say “good-by” (or “good-morning,” or words suited to the time of day), and, turning to the door, walk out to the hallway. If the hostess has an inclination or desire to follow you and continue any unfinished subject which may have been under discussion, it is not necessary to retire in so awkward a manner. Promptly announce your intention and enter the hall; while adjusting the overcoat and gloves, the conversation can be continued. This method can be exercised without the faintest appearance of rudeness.… Subjects to be carefully studied for company use may be found under the head of “Conversation.”
11. If you are at a special invitation afternoon tea or reception, pay particular attention to the hostess whenever she is seen unoccupied, and offer your company in escorting her to partake of refreshments. Always eat lightly of the viands yourself. If a crowded reception, half an hour only should be spent thereat. A reception call should be made within three months thereafter; half an hour, or possibly three-quarters, is proper for such a call.
12. A gentleman should never enter his sister’s luncheon hall when the repast is in progress; such intrusions prove fatal to topics of dress generally under discussion, or other matter not intended for his ears. A gentleman can give a stag luncheon, or a luncheon for both ladies and gentlemen if a chaperon presides.
Under this head informal lunches mayalso be discussed. These are such as persons are apt to partake of without any special previous arrangement, either at restaurants or private houses. As a gentleman is at liberty to dine where he pleases, I only speak of the subject in connection with ladies.
A gentleman should never invite a lady to lunch at his own house, no matter how well acquainted he may be with her, not even when engaged, unless a chaperon be present at the meal, and not invite her at all unless he has met her very frequently beforehand.
A gentleman can accept an invitation to lunch with a lady under the same conditions as those of an invitation to stay to dinner when calling (see Sec. 9.)
When desirous of asking a lady to lunch at a restaurant, whether you take her direct from the house to it, or while walking, makes no difference; a chaperonmust be present at the meal unless you bear an existing or agreed future relationship to her, or your friendship is understood by your own and the lady’s friends to be so dear as not to allow of suspicion or question—when a chaperon can be dispensed with.
Without a chaperon be extremely careful in your selection of a restaurant; seek those whose reputation is quiet and refined and of less publicity than the rest of the well-known restaurants. Always when with a lady enter the restaurant by the door intended for ladies’ use; never by the public entrance.
13. Evening parties should be attended before the hour of eleven, in full dress. If with a lady do not keep her waiting, but rather let her find you awaiting her at the dressing-room door. If alone or otherwise take care to seek the hostesson entering the parlor; this is a piece of politeness sadly overlooked nowadays, especially by individual gentlemen. At a dance always take the inside arm of a lady while promenading. Repeatedly ask after her thirst, and never allow her to approach the refreshment table, but bring the glass to her on your kerchief if there are no doilys. Always pay particular attention to the hostess, and ask her repeatedly to dance. Never, if idle and you see her without a partner, allow her to remain thus alone; under such circumstances, likes and dislikes should be set aside, or you should not have attended the dance. Always offer your arm to your partner immediately on ceasing to dance. Make it a rule never to leave a dance without bidding the host or hostess good-night, and thanking them for the pleasures of the evening. This is another poor policy of a great many men, to leavequietly without the knowledge of the host or hostess.
Party calls should be made within a year at the farthest after the party, and should occupy the same length of time as an ordinary call.
14. Dinners should be attended promptly on time. Always allow the ladies to be seated first. Do not attempt to pass anything if the servants are present, nor even if they are not present unless expressly requested to do so.
Do not attempt to speak when the mouth contains food. When spoken to, a motion of the head will be sufficient to convey the reply intended, and at the same time to acquaint your questioner with the fact that he has spoken inopportunely. In order to conform to the various customs it is advisable to abstain as long as is prudent from folding the napkintill you view the action therein of the host or hostess. But this is only necessary at more or less informal dinners. The prevailing custom of formal dinners is never to fold the napkin. Care must be taken not to make noises with the mouth, when eating, and not to smack the lips. If a total abstainer from drink, you must not turn your glasses upside-down, nor allow them filled. Merely stop the servant when your glass is half filled, thus preventing comment and complete waste at one and the same time. You must not call the servants, but endeavor to beckon them to you with the head and eyes, not with the finger. Never speak louder than will allow of a comprehension of what you are saying. Do not toy with articles on the table, and when the hands are not employed in eating they must be kept in the lap. Don’t put the elbows on the table. Readingis not to be indulged in at the table, unless it is a letter or special communication, when you must beg pardon for your rudeness. Do not leave the table before the rest have finished except in case of necessity, and then by permission only, always excusing yourself. When remaining till the finish, never rise till the host or hostess or both have signified that the meal is at an end, by rising first.
15. There is one custom in this work which above all others is essential to every man who has any desire to play therôleof a thorough social success, and that requirement is dancing. There is not one thing which a society gentleman performs, which gives so much enjoyment not only to himself, but to others. Nothing is more closely criticized, nothing more prominent when in execution; nothing more benefiting as an exercise,and nothing more satisfactory to the performer, than dancing. By that word is meant any performance which has the name of dance, and which has the requisites of “grace,” “ease,” and “perfect performance.” To be a perfect dancer the above expressions in reference to your dancing should be won from your admirers. Do not think, because you have an idea of how to dance, that you really do so perfectly. The first requirement to good dancing is grace. If you are graceful you cannot appear awkward to on-lookers, for your step is firm, body quiet, and arms still. The arm is never pumped, and the feet are barely lifted off the floor. To have ease, a dancer should appear confident of his ability, and show that ability by a correct and actual performance of the dance in the above-explained graceful way. To have a perfect performance of a dance, bothof the former requirements are to be exercised, with these additional requisites, viz.: use a long decided glide, never jump or hop, always reverse equally as much as you turn the original way, keep to the side of the room, direction to the right from the entrance. Do not collide with other couples, or at least protect your partner from sudden collisions, and on no account allow her to slip.
The right hand should be at the lady’s back, between the lower ends of the shoulder-blades, and should always carry a silk handkerchief. Never in dancing hold a lady close to you, for it is the most disagreeable position for her, and looks decidedly improper. Hold your partner at all times at arms’ length; this gives you freedom of speech, space to use the feet, and allows you to glide more easily. In a waltz, always take a long, sweeping glide, with as little rise as possible. Anystep between a Boston dip and the Philadelphia glide, if used as a sort of an imperceptible, sweeping dip, will appear to great advantage on the floor. A Polka should either be glided or walked through; never skip, and do not take too long a step, and do away entirely with all fancy variations of the dance. Keep strictly to the original Polka form and you will avoid all awkward appearances. The same rule applies to the Yorke, Galop, etc. The Schottische is a beautiful dance, if performed gracefully as in the waltz, only much more care should be exercised in the forward steps. Do not use that once popular, but awkward manner of skipping in this dance, but the more modern three running steps. Those familiar with all these popular dances will comprehend the importance of my criticisms. The Caprice is the combination dance of waltz and polka, and necessitates more care andattention than any other. Nothing but the glide step should be used in this dance.
16. Balls, Dancing Classes, Theater Parties, Receptions.—These may all be given by gentlemen, if they have married ladies as patronesses. Theater parties can be followed by dinners at the popular restaurants, the chaperon attending. If the party occupies more than one box, an equal number of chaperons should accompany it.
17. Bowling—Card-playing.—In bowling, a gentleman should keep the score, notify the ladies of their turns as they come round, hand them the balls—not too large, but heavy enough to be thrown with ease and effect. See that they enjoy the game thoroughly, or else cease the sport. If you notice fatigue in a lady’smanner, ask her to desist. Many sprains, dislocations, and twists are the result of attempting to throw balls with tired wrists. A gentleman can organize a bowling club under the supervision of a chaperon attending each meeting.
At cards, he pays strict attention to those playing; he endeavors to make the games pleasant. He should never look over another’s hand of cards; and, above all, should never cheat. He should never gamble and bet on cards, nor allow games of that kind in his house.
18. Musicales—Matinée Parties.—Gentlemen attend these either as escorts or alone. They are at liberty to give them whenever they desire to do so. They must always have a patroness or chaperon present.
19. (1) When asked to participate in amateur theatricals, do not unhesitatinglyaccept the invitation, but first consider your ability, not only to act the part tendered you, but that which is of more importance, viz., to be able to act gracefully, and carry it out in all its perfection; for it is only of too frequent occurrence that young men readily accept, confident of being able to memorize their part, disregarding the fact that memorizing is not acting. After having accepted an invitation to act, being of fair ability so to do, be careful to pay strict attention to your part, and be punctual at all the rehearsals. Gentlemen can organize amateur theatrical clubs among themselves at discretion, but on no occasion should ladies be included without a chaperon at hand.
(2) Never offer to recite, and if asked to do so, decline, unless you are sure of what you are about to recite. Do not make your recitations too lengthy,and not too dramatic. Be sure that your gestures are fitted for the words used; make them few, but telling. Do not hurry through a piece; and above all, do not shout; suit the voice to the size of the room or hall in which you are reciting. If encored, acknowledge such by another piece, or repetition of the first; but to further applause, merely bow.
20. Breakfasts can be given at any time within the hours of eight and twelveA. M., to gentlemen, or ladies and gentlemen, a chaperon being present for the latter. Invitations for these, as for any other event, should be answered within the customary time—two weeks before the occurrence; or, if the invitation is later than two weeks before date of breakfast, an immediate reply is necessary.
21. When in company never offer to sing unless you are perfectly confident ofyour ability to satisfy the expectations of those present. If asked to sing, unless of ability to do so, be not too ready to accept the invitation, but wait till it is tendered you again, so that, in case of failure, you be not looked so unfavorably upon as if you had accepted readily; the same rule applies to playing upon instruments. When singing or playing reply to only one encore; to more, merely bow or offer your excuses.