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The Story of the Barber’s eldest Brother.
Sir, said I, my eldest brother whose name was Bacbouc the Hump-back, was a tailor by trade: when he came out of his apprenticeship, he hired a shop over against a mill, and having but very little business, he could scarcely maintain himself. The miller, on the contrary, was very wealthy, and had a very handsome wife. One day, as my brother was at work in his shop, he lifted up his head and saw the miller’s wife looking out of the window, and was charmed with her beauty. The woman took no notice of him, but shut her window, and came no more to it all that day. The poor tailor did nothing but lift up his eyes towards the mill all day long. He pricked his finger oftener than once, and his work that day was not very regular. At night, when he was to shut his shop, he could scarce tell how to do it, because he still hoped the miller’s wife would come to the window once more; but at last he was forced to shut up, and go home to his little house, where he passed but a very uncomfortable night. He got up betimes in the morning, and ran to his shop, in hopes to see his mistress again; but he was no happier than the day before, for the miller’s wife did not appear at the window above a minute in the whole day, but that minute made the tailor the most amorous man that ever lived. The third day he had some more ground of satisfaction, for the miller’s wife cast her eyes upon him by chance, and surprised him as he was gazing at her, which convinced her what passed in his mind.
No sooner did the miller’s wife perceive my brother’s inclination, than instead of being vexed at it, she resolved to divert herself with it. She looked upon him with a smiling countenance, and my brother looked upon her in the same manner, but after such an odd sort, that the miller’s wife presently shut her window, lest her loud laughter should have made him sensible that she only ridiculed him. Poor Bacbouc interpreted her carriage to his own advantage, and flattered himself that she looked upon him with pleasure.
The miller’s wife resolved to make sport with my brother: she had a piece of very fine stuff, with which she had a long time designed to make her a suit; she wrapt it up in a fine embroidered silk handkerchief, and sent it him by a young slave whom she kept; who being taught her lesson, comes to the tailor’s shop, and tells him, My mistress gives you her service, and prays you to make her a suit of this stuff according to this pattern; she changes her clothes often, so that her custom will be profitable to you. My brother doubted not that the miller’s wife loved him, and thought that she sent him work so soon after what had passed betwixt them, only to signify that she knew his mind, and to convince him that he had obtained her favour. My brother being of this opinion, charged the slave to tell her mistress, that he would lay aside all work for her’s, and that the suit should be ready next morning. He worked at it with so much diligence, that he finished it the same day. Next morning, the young slave came to see if the suit was ready. Bacbouc gave it to her neatly folded up, telling her, I am too much concerned to please your mistress to neglect her suit; I would engage her by my diligence to employ no other but myself for the time to come. The young slave went some steps as if she had intended to go away, and then coming back, whispered to my brother, I had forgot part of my commission; my mistress charged me to make her compliments to you, and to ask, how you passed the night; as for her, poor woman, she loves you so, that she could not sleep. —Tell her, answered my silly brother, I have so strong a passion for her, that for these four nights I have not slept one wink. —After such a compliment from the miller’s wife, my brother thought she would not let him languish long in the expectation of her favours.
About a quarter of an hour after, the slave returned to my brother with a piece of satin: My mistress, said she, is very well pleased with her suit; nothing in the world can fit her better; and as it was very handsome, she would not wear it without a new petticoat; she prays you to make her one, as soon as you can, of this piece of satin. —Enough, said Bacbouc; I will do it before I leave my shop; you shall have it in the evening. The miller’s wife showed herself often at her window, and was very prodigal of her charms, to encourage my brother. You would have laughed to have seen him work. The petticoat was soon made, and the slave came for it, but brought the tailor no money, neither for the trimming he had bought for the suit, nor for the making. In the mean time, this unfortunate lover, whom they only amused, though he could not see it, had eat nothing all that day, and was forced to borrow money at night to buy his supper. Next morning, as soon as he arrived at his shop, the young slave came to tell him, that the miller wanted to speak to him. My mistress, said she, has told him so much in your praise, when she showed him your work, that he has a mind you should work also for him; she does it on purpose, that the connexion she wished to form betwixt you and him may crown your mutual wishes with success. My brother was easily persuaded, and went to the mill with the slave. The miller received him very kindly, and showed him a piece of cloth, told him he wanted shirts, bid him make it into twenty, and give him again what was left.
My brother had work enough for five or six days to make twenty shirts for the miller, who afterwards gave him another piece of cloth to make him as many pair of drawers. When they were finished, Bacbouc carried them to the miller, who asked him what he must have for his pains. My brother answered, he would be content with twenty drachms of silver. The miller immediately called the young slave, and bid her bring him his weights, to see if his money was right. The slave, who had her lesson, looked at my brother with an angry countenance, to signify to him that he would spoil all if he took any money. He knew her meaning, and refused to take any, though he wanted it so much, that he was forced to borrow money to buy the thread that sewed the shirts and drawers. When he left the miller, he came to me to borrow money to live on, and told me they did not pay him. I gave him some copper money I had in my purse, and upon that he subsisted for some days: it is true, indeed, he lived upon nothing but broth, nor had he his fill of that.
One day he went to the miller, who was busy at his work, and thinking my brother came for money, he offered him some; but the young slave being present, made him another sign not to take it, which he complied with, and told the miller he did not come for his money, but only to know how he did. The miller thanked him, and gave him an upper garment to make. Bacbouc carried it him next day. When the miller drew out his purse, the young slave gave my brother the usual sign; on which he said to the miller, Neighbour, there is no haste; we will reckon another time: so that the poor ninny went to his shop again, with three terrible distempers upon him, love, hunger, and want of money. The miller’s wife was not only avaricious, but ill-natured; for, not content to cheat my brother of his due, she provoked her husband to revenge himself upon him for making love to her, which they accomplished thus. The miller invited Bacbouc one night to supper, and after giving him a very sorry treat, said to him, Brother, it is too late for you to go home; you had better stay here all night; and then he carried him to a place in the mill, where there was a bed: there he left him, and went to bed with his wife. About the middle of the night, the miller went to my brother, and said, Neighbour, are you asleep? My mule is ill, and I have a quantity of corn to grind; you will do me a great kindness if you will turn the mill in her stead. Bacbouc, to shew his good-nature, told him he was ready to do him that piece of service, if he would show him how. Then the miller tied him by the middle to the mule’s place, and whipping him soundly over the back, said to him, Go, neighbour. —Ho! said my brother, why do you beat me? —It is to make you brisk, said the miller; for without a whip my mule will not go. Bacbouc was amazed at this sort of treatment, but durst not complain. When he had gone five or six rounds, he would fain have rested; but the miller gave him a dozen sound lashes, saying, Courage, neighbour! do not stop, pray; you must go on without taking breath, otherwise you will spoil my meal.
The miller obliged my brother to turn the mill thus all night. About break of day he left him without untying him, and went to his wife’s chamber. Bacbouc continued there for some time, and at last the young slave came and untied him. Ah! said the treacherous wretch, how my mistress and I pitied you! We had no hand in this wicked trick which her husband has played you. The wretched Bacbouc answered her not a word, he was so much fatigued with work and blows; but crept home to his house, resolving never to think more of the miller’s wife.
The telling of this story, said the barber, made the caliph laugh. Go home, said he to me; I have ordered something to be given you to make up for the loss of the good dinner you expected. —Commander of the faithful, said I, I pray your majesty to let me stay till I have told the story of my other brothers. The caliph having signified by his silence that he was willing to hear me, I went on thus:
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BAKBARAH IN THE LADY’S APARTMENT.
The Story of the Barber’s second Brother.
My second brother, who was called Backbarah the toothless, going one day through the city, met an old woman in a distant street: she came up to him, and said, I want one word with you; pray stop a moment. He did so, and asked her what she would have. If you have time to come along with me, said she, I will bring you into a stately palace, where you shall see a lady as fair as the day. She will receive you with much pleasure, and give you a treat with excellent wine. I need say no more to you. —But is what you say true? replied my brother. —I am no lying hussy, replied the old woman: I say nothing to you but what is true. But hark, I have something to ask of you. You must be prudent, say but little, and be extremely polite. Backbarah agreed to all this. The old woman went before, and he followed after. They came to the gate of a great palace, where there was abundance of officers and domestics. Some of them would have stopt my brother, but no sooner did the old woman speak to them, than they let him pass. Then turning to my brother, she said to him, You must remember that the young lady I bring you to loves good-nature and modesty, and cannot endure to be contradicted; if you please her in that, you may be sure to obtain of her what you please. Backbarah thanked her for this advice, and promised to follow it.
She brought him into a fine apartment of a great square building, answerable to the magnificence of the palace. There was a gallery round it, and a very fine garden in the middle. The old woman made him sit down upon a handsome sofa, and bid him stay a moment, till she went to tell the young lady of his being come.
My brother, who had never been in such a stately palace before, gazed upon the fine things that he saw; and judging of his good fortune by the magnificence of the palace, he was scarcely able to contain himself for joy. By and by he heard a great noise, occasioned by a troop of merry slaves, who came towards him with loud fits of laughter, and in the middle of them, he perceived a young lady of extraordinary beauty, who was easily known to be their mistress by the respect they paid her. Backbarah, who expected private conversation with the lady, was extremely surprised when he saw so much company with her. In the mean time the slaves put on a grave countenance when they drew near; and when the young lady came up to the sofa, my brother rose up and made her a low bow. She took the upper hand, prayed him to sit down, and said to him with a smiling countenance, I am mightily glad to see you, and wish you all the happiness you can desire. —Madam, replied Backbarah, I cannot desire a greater happiness than to be in your company. —You seem to be of a pleasant humour, said she, and to be disposed to pass the time pleasantly.
She forthwith commanded a collation to be brought; and immediately a table was covered with several baskets of fruits and sweetmeats. The lady sat down at the table with the slaves and my brother; and he being placed just over-against her, when he opened his mouth to eat, she perceived he had no teeth; and taking notice of it to her slaves, she and they laughed at him heartily. Backbarah from time to time lifted up his head to look at her, and perceiving her laugh, thought it was for joy of his company, and flattered himself that she would speedily send away her slaves, and be with him alone. She guessed his thoughts, and pleasing herself to flatter him in his mistake, she gave him abundance of pleasant language, and presented him the best of every thing with her own hand. The treat being ended, they rose from the table; ten slaves took musical instruments, and began to play and sing, and others to dance. My brother, to please them, danced likewise, and the lady danced with them. After they had danced some time, they sat down to take breath, and the young lady, calling for a glass of wine, looked upon my brother with a smiling countenance, to signify that she was going to drink his health. He rose up, and stood while she drank. When she had done, instead of giving back the glass, she ordered it to be filled, and presented it to my brother, that he might pledge her.
My brother took the glass from the young lady’s hand, which he kissed at the same time, and stood and drank to her, in return for the favour she had done him. Then the young lady made him sit down by her, and began to caress him. She put her hand behind his head, and gave him some tips from time to time with her fingers. Ravished with those favours, he thought himself the happiest man in the world, and had a great mind to toy also with the charming lady, but durst not take the liberty before so many slaves, who had their eyes upon him, and laughed at their lady’s wanton tricks. The young lady continued to tip him with her fingers, but at last gave him such a sound box on the ear, that he grew angry at it; the colour came in his face, and he rose up to sit at a greater distance from such a rude play-fellow. Then the old woman who brought him thither gave him a look, to let him know that he was in the wrong, and that he had forgot the advice she gave him to be very complaisant. He owned his fault, and, in order to make amends, he went near the young lady again, and pretended that he did not go away out of any ill-humour. She drew him by the arm, made him sit down by her again, and gave him a thousand malicious squeezes. Her slaves took their part in the diversion: one gave poor Backbarah several fillips on the nose with all her might; another pulled him by the ears, as if she would have pulled them off; and others boxed him so, as might show they were not in jest. My brother bore all this with admirable patience, affecting a gay air, and looking at the old woman, said to her with a forced smile, You told me, indeed, that I should find the lady perfectly kind, pleasant, and charming; I am mightily obliged to you! —All this is nothing, replied the old woman: let her go on; you will see other things by and by. Then the young lady said to him, Brother, you are a brave man; I am glad to find you are so good humoured and complaisant to bear with my little caprices, and that your humour is so conformable to mine. —Madam, replied Backbarah, who was charmed with this discourse, I am no more myself, I am wholly yours; you may dispose of me as you please. —How you oblige me, said the lady, by such submission! I am very well pleased with you, and would have you be so with me. Bring him perfume, said she, and rose water. Upon this, two slaves went out, and returned speedily; one with a silver casket, filled with the best of aloes-wood, with which she perfumed him; and the other with rose-water, which she sprinkled on his face and hands. My brother was quite beside himself at this handsome treatment. After this ceremony, the young lady commanded the slaves, who had already played on their instruments and sung, to renew their concerts. They obeyed, and in the mean time the lady called another slave, and ordered her to carry my brother with her, and do what she knew, and bring him back to her again. Backbarah, who heard this order, got up quickly, and going to the old woman, who also rose up to go along with him and the slave, prayed her to tell him what they were to do with him. My mistress is only curious, replied the old woman, softly; she has a mind to see how you look in a woman’s dress; and this slave, who has orders to carry you with her, has orders to paint your eyebrows, to cut off your whiskers, and to dress you like a woman. —You may paint my eyebrows as much as you please, said my brother; I agree to that, because I can wash it off again; but to shave me, you know I must not allow. How can I appear abroad again without mustachios? —Beware of refusing what is asked of you, said the old woman: you will spoil your fortune, which is now in as favourable a train as heart can wish. The lady loves you, and has a mind to make you happy; and will you, for a nasty whisker, renounce the most delicious favours that man can obtain? —Backbarah listened to the old woman, and without saying a word, went to a chamber with the slave, where they painted his eyebrows with red, cut off his whiskers, and were going to do the like with his beard. My brother’s patience then began to fail: Oh! said he, I will never part with my beard. The slave told him that it was to no purpose to have parted with his whiskers, if he would not also part with his beard, which could never agree with a woman’s dress; and she wondered that a man, who was upon the point to enjoy the finest lady in Bagdad, should be concerned about his beard. The old woman threatened him with the loss of the young lady’s favour; so that at last he let them do what they would. When he was dressed like a woman, they brought him before the young lady, who laughed so heartily when she saw him, that she fell backward on the sofa where she sat. The slaves laughed and clapped their hands, so that my brother was quite out of countenance. The young lady got up, and still laughing, said to him, After so much complaisance for me, I should be very much to blame not to love you with all my heart: but there is one thing more you must do for me, and that is, to dance as we do. He obeyed, and the young lady and her slaves danced with him, laughing as if they had been mad. After they had danced some time with him, they all fell upon the poor wretch, and did so box and kick him, that he fell down like one out of his senses. The old woman helped him up again; and that he might not have time to think of his ill treatment, she bid him take courage, and whispered in his ear, that all his sufferings were at an end, and that he was just about to receive his reward.
You have only one thing more to do, and that is but a small one. You must know that my mistress has a custom, when she has drank a little, as you see she has done to-day, to let nobody that she loves come near her, except they be stripped to their shirt; and when they have done so, she takes a little advantage of them, and begins running before them through the gallery, and from chamber to chamber, till they catch her. This is one more of her humours. What advantage soever she takes of you, considering your nimbleness and inclination, you will soon overtake her: strip yourself then to your shirt; undress yourself without ceremony.
My silly brother, said the barber, had done too much to hesitate at any thing now. He undressed himself; and in the mean time the young lady was stripped to her shift and under-petticoat, that she might run the more nimbly. When they were ready to run, the young lady took the advantage of twenty paces, and then fell to running with surprising swiftness: my brother followed her as fast as he could, the slaves in the mean time laughing heartily, and clapping their hands. The young lady, instead of losing ground, gained upon my brother; she made him run two or three times round the gallery, and then running into a long dark entry, got away by a passage which she knew. Backbarah, who still followed her, having lost sight of her in the entry, was obliged to slacken his pace, because of the darkness of the place: at last perceiving a light he ran towards it, and went out at a door, which was immediately shut upon him. You may imagine how he was surprised to find himself in a street inhabited by curriers; and they were no less surprised to see him in his shirt, his eyes painted red, and without beard or mustachios. They began to clap their hands and shouted at him, and some of them ran after him and lashed his buttocks with leather straps. They then took him and set him upon an ass which they met by chance, and carried him through the town, exposed to the laughter of the people.
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To complete his misfortune, as he went by the judge’s house, he would needs know the cause of the tumult. The curriers told him, that they saw him come in that condition out at the gate of the apartment of the grand vizier’s women, which opened into the street; upon which the judge ordered unfortunate Backbarah to have a hundred blows with a cane on the soles of his feet, and sent him out of the town, with orders never to return again.
Thus, commander of the faithful, said I to the caliph Monstanser Billah, I have given an account of the adventure of my second brother, who did not know that our greatest ladies divert themselves sometimes by putting such tricks upon young people, who are so foolish as to be caught in the snare.
The barber, without leaving off, told the story of his third brother in the following manner.
The Story of the Barber’s third Brother.
Commander of the faithful, said he to the caliph, my third brother, whose name was Backbac, was blind, and his evil destiny reduced him to beg from door to door. He had been so long accustomed to walk through the streets alone, that he wanted none to lead him. He had a custom to knock at people’s doors, and not to answer till they opened to him. One day he knocked thus at a door, and the master of the house, who was alone, cried, Who is there? My brother gave no answer, and knocked a second time. The master of the house asked again and again, Who is there? but to no purpose: nobody answered. Upon which he came down, opened the door, and asked my brother what he wanted. Give me something for Heaven’s sake, said Backbac. —You seem to be blind, replied the master of the house. Yes, to my sorrow, said my brother. Give me your band, said the master of the house. My brother did so, thinking he was going to give him alms; but he only took him by the hand to lead him up to his chamber. Backbac thought he had been carrying him to dine with him, as many other people had done. When they came up to the chamber, the man let go his hand, and sitting down, asked him again what he wanted. I have already told you, said Backbac, that I want something for God’s sake. —Good blind man, replied the master of the house, all that I can do for you is to wish that God may restore you your sight. —You might have told me that at the door, said my brother, and not have given me the trouble to have come up stairs. —And why, fool, said the man of the house, do not you answer at first, when people ask you who is there? Why do you give any body the trouble to come and open the door when they speak to you? —What will you do with me then? said my brother. —I tell you again, said the man of the house, I have nothing to give you. —Help me down the stairs then, replied Backbac, as you helped me up. —The stairs are before you, said the man of the house, and you may go down by yourself if you will. My brother attempted to go down, but missing a step about the middle of the stairs, he fell to the bottom, and hurt his head and his back: he got up again with a great deal of difficulty, and went out cursing the master of the house, who laughed at his fall.
As my brother went out of the house, two blind men, his companions, were going by, knew him by his voice, and asked him what was the matter. He told them what had happened to him, and afterwards said, I have eat nothing to day: I conjure you to go along with me to my house, that I may take some of the money that we three have in common to buy me something for supper. The two blind men agreed to it, and they went home with him.
You must know that the master of the house where my brother was so ill used was a highwayman, and of a cunning and malicious disposition. He heard at his window what Backbac had said to his companions, and therefore came down and followed them to my brother’s house. The blind men being sat down, Backbac said to them, Brothers, we must shut the door, and take care there be no stranger with us. At this the highwayman was much perplexed; but perceiving by chance a rope hanging down from a beam, he caught hold of it, and hung by it, while the blind men shut the door, and felt about the room with their sticks. When they had done this, and sat down again in their places, the highwayman left his rope, and sat down softly by my brother; who thinking himself alone with his blind comrades, said to them, Brothers, since you have trusted me with the money which we all three have been gathering a long time, I will show you that I am not unworthy of the trust that you repose in me. The last time we reckoned, you know we had ten thousand drachms, and that we put them into ten bags; I will show you that I have not touched one of them; and having said so, he put his hand among some old clothes, and taking out the bags one after another, gave them to his comrades, saying, There they are; you may judge by their weight that they are whole, or you may tell them if you please. His comrades answered there was no need, they did not mistrust him; so he opened one of the bags, and took out ten drachms, and each of the other blind men did the like.
My brother put the bags into their place again: after which, one of the blind men said to him, There is no need to lay out any thing for supper, for I have got as much victuals from good people as will serve us all three. At the same time he took out of his bag bread and cheese, and some fruit, and, putting all upon the table, they began to eat. —The highwayman, who sat at my brother’s right hand, picked out the best, and eat with them; but, whatever care he took to make no noise, Backbac heard his chaps going, and cried out immediately, We are undone; there is a stranger among us: and having said so, he stretched out his hand, and caught hold of the highwayman by the arm, cried out, Thieves, fell upon him, and boxed him. The other blind men fell upon him in like manner, and the highwayman defended himself as well as he could; and being young and vigorous, and having the advantage of his eyes, he gave furious blows, sometimes to one, sometimes to another, as he could come at them, and cried out, Thieves, louder than they did. The neighbours came running at the noise, broke open the door, and had much ado to separate the combatants; but having at last succeeded, they asked the cause of their quarrel. My brother, who still had hold of the highwayman, cried out. Gentlemen, this man I have hold on is a thief, and stole in with us on purpose to rob us of the little money we have. The thief, who shut his eyes as soon as the neighbours came, feigned himself blind, and cried out, Gentlemen, he is a liar. I swear to you by Heaven, and by the life of the caliph, that I am their companion, and they refuse to give me my just share. They have all three fallen upon me, and I demand justice. The neighbours would not interfere in their quarrel, but carried them all before the judge.
When they came before the magistrate, the highwayman, without staying to be examined, cried out, still feigning himself blind, Sir, since you are deputed to administer justice by the caliph, whom God prosper, I declare to you that we are equally criminal, my three comrades and I; but we have all engaged, upon oath, to confess nothing except we be bastinadoed; so that if you would know our crime, you need only order us to be bastinadoed, and begin with me. My brother would have spoken, but was not allowed to do so; and the highwayman was put under the bastinado.
The robber being under the bastinado, had the courage to bear twenty or thirty blows; when, pretending to be overcome with pain, he first opened one eye, and then the other, and crying out for mercy, begged the judge would put a stop to the blows. —The judge perceiving that he looked upon him with his eyes open, was much surprised at it, and said to him, Rogue, what is the meaning of this miracle? Sir, replied the highwayman, I will discover to you an important secret, if you pardon me, and give me, as a pledge that you will keep your word, the seal-ring which you have on your finger: I am ready to declare the whole mystery. The judge consented, gave him his ring, and promised him pardon. Under this promise, said the highwayman, I must confess to you, sir, that I and my three comrades do all of us see very well. We feigned ourselves to be blind, that we might freely enter people’s houses, and into women’s apartments, where we abuse their weakness. I must further confess to you, that by this trick we have gained together ten thousand drachms. This day I demanded of my partners two thousand five hundred that belonged to me as my share; but they refused because I told them I would leave them, and they were afraid I should accuse them. Upon my pressing still to have my share, they all three fell upon me; for which I appeal to those people who brought us before you. I expect from your justice, sir, that you will make them deliver me the two thousand five hundred drachms which is my due; and if you have a mind that my comrades should confess the truth, you must order them three times as many blows as I have had, and you will find they will open their eyes as well as I did.
My brother and the other two blind men would have cleared themselves of this horrid cheat, but the judge would not hear them: Villains, said he, do you feign yourselves blind then, and, under that pretext of moving their compassion, cheat people, and commit such crimes? He is a cheat, cried my brother, and we take God to witness that none of us can see.
All that my brother could say was in vain, his comrades and he received each of them two hundred blows. The judge looked when they should have opened their eyes and ascribed to their obstinacy what really they could not do. All the while, the highwayman said to the blind men, Poor fools that you are, open your eyes, and do not suffer yourselves to be beat to death. Then addressing himself to the judge, said, I perceive, sir, that they will be maliciously obstinate to the last, and will never open their eyes. They have a mind certainly to avoid the shame of reading their own condemnation in the face of every one that looks upon them; it were better, if you think fit, to pardon them, and to send some person along with me for the ten thousand drachms they have hid.
The judge did so, gave the highwayman two thousand five hundred drachms, and kept the rest himself; and as for my brother and his two companions, he thought he showed them a great deal of pity by sentencing them only to be banished. As soon as I heard what befell my brother, I ran after him; he told me his misfortune, and I brought him back secretly to the town. I could easily have justified him to the judge, and have got the highwayman punished as he deserved, but durst not attempt it, for fear of bringing myself into trouble. Thus I finished the sad adventure of my honest blind brother. The caliph laughed at it as much as at those he had heard before, and ordered again, that something should be given me; but without staying for it, I began the story of my fourth brother.
The story of the Barber’s fourth Brother.
Alcouz was the name of the fourth brother, who lost one of his eyes upon an occasion that I shall have the honour to relate to your majesty. He was a butcher by profession, and had a particular way of teaching rams to fight, by which he gained the acquaintance and friendship of the chief lords of the country, who loved that sport, and for that end kept rams at their houses; he had, beside, a very good trade, and had his shop always full of the best meat, because he was very rich, and spared no cost for the best of every sort. One day, when he was in his shop, an old man, with a long white beard, came and bought six pounds of meat of him, gave him money for it, and went his way. My brother thought the money so fine, so white, and so well coined, that he put it apart by itself. The same old man came every day for five months together, bought a like quantity of meat, and paid for it in the same sort of money, which my brother continued to lay apart by itself.
At the end of five months, Alcouz having a mind to buy a parcel of sheep, and to pay for them in this fine money, opened his chest; but instead of finding his money, was extremely surprised to see nothing in the place where he had laid it but a parcel of leaves clipped round: he beat his head and cried out aloud, which presently brought the neighbours about him, who were as much surprised as he, when he told them the story. Oh! cried my brother, weeping, that this treacherous old fellow would come now with his hypocritical looks! He had scarce done speaking when he saw him coming at a distance, ran to him, and laid hands on him: Mussulmen! cried he, as load as he could, help! hear what a cheat this wicked fellow has put upon me, and, at the some time, told a great crowd of people who came about him, what he had formerly told his neighbours. When he had done, the old man said to him very gravely and calmly, You had better let me go, and by that means make amends for the affront you have put upon me before so many people, for fear I should put a greater affront upon you, which I should be sorry to do. How, said my brother, what have you to say against me? I am an honest man in my business, and fear not you, nor any body. You would have me speak out then, said the old man, in the same tone; and turning to the people, said to them, Know, good people, that this fellow, instead of selling mutton, as he ought to do, sells man’s flesh. You are a cheat, said my brother. No, no, said the old man; good people, this very minute that I am speaking to him, there is a man with his throat cut hung up in the shop like a sheep; do any of you go thither, and see if what I say be not true.
Just before my brother had opened his chest he had killed a sheep, dressed it, and exposed it in the shop, according to custom. He protested that what the old man said was false; but notwithstanding all his protestations, the credulous mob, prejudiced against a man accused of such a heinous crime, would go to see whether the matter was true. They obliged my brother to quit the old man, laid hold of him, and ran like madmen into his shop, where they saw a man hung up with his throat cut, as the old man had told them; for he was a magician and deceived the eyes of all people, as he did my brother, when he made him take leaves instead of money. At this sight, one of those who held Alcouz, gave him a great blow with his fist, and said to him, Thou wicked villain! Dost thou make us eat men’s flesh instead of mutton? And at the same time, the old man gave him another blow, which beat out one of his eyes, and every body that could get near him beat him; and not content with that, they carried him before a judge, with the pretended carcass of the man to be evidence against him. Sir, said the old magician to the judge, we have brought you a man, who is so barbarous as to murder people, and to sell their flesh instead of mutton; the public expects that you shall punish him in an exemplary manner. The judge heard my brother with patience, but would believe nothing of the story of the money changed into leaves, called my brother a cheat, told him he would believe his own eyes, and ordered him to receive five hundred blows. He afterwards made him tell where his money was, took it all from him, and banished him for ever, after having made him ride three days through the city upon a camel, exposed to the insults of the people.
I was not at Bagdad when this tragical adventure befell my fourth brother. He retired into a remote place, where he lay concealed till he was cured of the blows with which his back was terribly mauled. When he was able to walk, he went by night to a certain town where nobody knew him; and there he took a lodging, from whence he seldom went out. But being weary of this confined life, he went to walk in one of the suburbs, where all of a sudden he heard a great noise of horsemen coming behind him. He was then by chance near the gate of a great house; and fearing, after what had befallen him, that these horsemen were pursuing him, he opened the gate, in order to hide himself; and after he shut it, came into a great court, where immediately two servants came, and collaring him, said, Heaven be praised, that you have come of your own accord to surrender yourself to us! You have frightened us so much these three last nights, that we could not sleep nor would you have spared our lives, if we had not prevented you. You may very well imagine my brother was much surprised at this compliment. Good people, said he, I know not what you mean; you certainly take me for some body else. No, no, replied they: we know that you and your comrades are great robbers: you were not contented to rob our master of all that he had, and to reduce him to beggary, but you had a mind to take his life. Let us see a little if you have not a knife about you, which you had in your hand when you pursued us last night; and having said this, they searched him, and found he had a knife. Ho! ho! cried they, laying hold of him, and dare you say that you are not a robber? Why, said my brother, cannot a man carry a knife about him without being a highwayman? If you will hearken to my story, continued he, instead of having so bad an opinion of me, you will be touched with compassion at my misfortunes. But far from hearkening to him, they fell upon him, trod upon him, took away his clothes, and tore his shirt. Then seeing the scars on his back, O dog! said they, redoubling their blows, would you have us believe you are an honest man when your back shows us the contrary? —Alas! said my brother, my crimes must be very great, since after having been abused already so unjustly, I am abused again a second time without being more culpable!
The two servants, no way moved with this complaint, carried him before the judge, who asked him, how he durst be so bold as to go into their house, and pursue them with a drawn knife? Sir, replied poor Alcouz, I am the most innocent man in the world, and am undone, if you will not be pleased to hear me patiently; nobody deserves more compassion. Sir, replied one of the domestics, will you listen to a robber, who enters people’s houses to plunder and murder them? If you will not believe us, only look upon his back. And when he said so, he uncovered my brother’s back, and showed it to the judge; who, without any other information, commanded immediately to give him a hundred lashes with a bull’s pizzle over the shoulders, and made him afterwards be carried through the town on a camel, with one crying before him, ‘Thus are such men punished as enter people’s houses by force.’ After haring treated him thus, they banished him the town, and forbid him ever to return to it again. Some people who met him after the second misfortune, brought me word where he was, and I went and fetched him to Bagdad privately, and gave him all the assistance I could. The caliph, continued the barber, did not laugh so much at this story as at the other. He was pleased to pity the unfortunate Alcouz, and ordered something to be given me. But, without giving his servants time to obey his orders, I continued my discourse, and said to him, My sovereign lord and master, you see that I do not talk much; and since your majesty has been pleased to do me the favour to listen to me so far, I beg you would likewise hear the adventures of my two other brothers. I hope they will be as diverting as those of the former. You may make a complete history of them, that will not be unworthy of your library. I shall do myself the honour then to acquaint you, that the fifth brother was called Alnaschar.
The Story of the Barber’s fifth Brother.
Alnaschar, as long as our father lived, was very lazy; instead of working for his hiving, he used to go begging in the evening, and to live next day upon what he got. Our father died in a very old age, and left among us seven hundred drachms of silver: we divided it equally, so that each of us had a hundred for our share. Alnaschar, who had never so much money before in his lifetime, was very much perplexed to know what he should do with it. He consulted a long time with himself, and at last resolved to lay it out in glasses, bottles, and other glass-ware, which he bought of a wholesale dealer. He put all in an open basket, and chose a very little shop, where he sat with the basket before him, and his back against the wall, expecting while somebody should come and buy his ware. In this posture he sat, with his eyes fixed on his basket, and began to meditate; during which he spoke as follows, loud enough to be heard by a neighbouring tailor: This basket, said he, cost me a hundred drachms, which is all I have in the world; I shall make two hundred of it by retailing my glass, and of these two hundred drachms, which I will again lay out in glass-ware, I shall make four hundred; —and going on thus, I shall at last make four thousand drachms; of four thousand I shall easily make eight thousand, and when I come to ten thousand, I will leave off selling glass, and turn jeweller. I will trade in diamonds, pearls, and all sorts of precious stones. Then, when I am rich as I can wish, I will buy a fine house, a great estate, slaves, eunuchs, and horses. I will keep a good house, and make a great figure in the world; I will send for all the musicians and dancers of both sexes in town. —Nor will I stop here: I will, by the favour of heaven, go on till I get a hundred thousand drachms; and when I have got so much, I will think myself as great as a prince, and send to demand the grand vizier’s daughter in marriage; and represent to that minister that I have heard much of the wonderful beauty, understanding, wit, and all the other qualities of his daughter. In a word, that I will give him a thousand pieces of gold the first night after we are married; and if the vizier be so uncivil as to refuse his daughter, which cannot be supposed, I will go and carry her off before his face, and take her to my house, whether he will or no. —As soon as I have married the grand vizier’s daughter, I will buy her ten young black eunuchs, the handsomest that can be had. I will clothe myself like a prince, and, mounted upon a fine horse, with a saddle of fine gold, and housings of cloth of gold, finely embroidered with diamonds and pearls, I will ride through the city, attended by slaves before and behind; and I will go to the vizier’s palace, in view of all the people, great and small, who will show me the most profound respect. When I alight at the foot of the vizier’s staircase, I will go up the same through my own people, ranged in files on the right and left; and the grand vizier, receiving me as his son-in-law, shall give me the right hand, and set me above him, to do me the more honour. If this comes to pass, as I hope it will, two of my people shall each of them have a purse with a thousand pieces of gold, which they shall carry with them. I will take one, and presenting it to the grand vizier, will tell him, There is the thousand pieces of gold that I promised the first night of marriage; and I will offer him the other, and say to him, There is as much more, to shew you that I am a man of my word, and even better than my promise. After such an action as this, all the world will talk of my generosity. I will return to my own house in the same pomp. My wife will send some officer to compliment me, on account of my visit to the vizier, her father; I will honour the officer with a fine robe, and send him back with a rich present. If she thinks to send me one, I will not accept it, but dismiss the bearer. I will not suffer her to go out of her apartment on any account whatever, without giving me notice; and when I have a mind to come to her apartment, it shall be in such a manner as to make her respect me. In short, no house shall be better ordered than mine. I will be always richly clad. When I retire with my wife in the evening, I will sit on the upper hand; I will affect a grave air, without turning my head to one side or other. I will speak little; and whilst my wife, beautiful as the full moon, stands before me in all her charms, I will make as if I did not see her. Her women about her will say to me, Our dear lord and master, here is your spouse, your humble servant, before you, ready to receive your caresses, and much mortified that you do not vouchsafe to look upon her; she is wearied with standing so long; bid her, at least, sit down. I will give no answer to this discourse, which will increase their surprise and grief. They will prostrate themselves at my feet; and after they have for a considerable time entreated me to relent, I will at last lift up my head, and give her a careless look, and resume my former posture: they will suppose that my wife is not well enough, nor handsomely enough dressed, and will carry her to her closet to change her apparel. At the same time I will get up, and put on a more magnificent suit than before: they will return, and hold the same discourse with me as before, and I will have the pleasure not so much as to look upon my wife, till they have prayed and entreated as long as they did at first. Thus I will begin on the first day of marriage to teach her what she is to expect during the rest of her life.
After the ceremonies of the marriage, said Alnaschar, I will take from one of my servants, who shall be about me, a purse of five hundred pieces of gold, which I will give to the tire-women, that they may leave me alone with my spouse. When they are gone, my wife shall go to bed first; then I will lie down by her, with my back towards her, and will not say one word to her all night. The next morning she will certainly complain of my contempt to her, and of my pride, to her mother, the grand vizier’s wife, which will rejoice my heart. Her mother will come to wait upon me, respectfully kiss my hands, and say to me, Sir, (for she will not dare to call me son-in-law, for fear of provoking me by such a familiar style,) I entreat you not to disdain to look upon my daughter, and refuse to come near her: I assure you that her chief delight is to please you, and that she loves you with all her soul. But, in spite of all my mother-in-law can say, I will not answer her one word, but keep an obstinate gravity. Then she will throw herself at my feet, kiss them repeatedly, and say to me, Sir, is it possible that you can suspect my daughter’s good sense? I assure you I never let her go out of my sight. You are the first man that ever saw her face: do not mortify her so much; do her the favour to look upon her, to speak to her, and confirm her in her good intentions to satisfy you in every thing. But nothing of this shall prevail with me. Upon which my mother-in-law will take a glass of wine, and, putting it in the hand of her daughter, my wife, will say, Go, present him this glass of wine yourself; perhaps he will not be so cruel as to refuse it from so fair a hand. My wife will come with the glass, and stand trembling before me; and when she finds that I do not look towards her, but that I continue to disdain her, she will say to me, with tears in her eyes, My heart, my dear soul, my amiable lord, I conjure you, by the favours which heaven heaps upon you, to receive this glass of wine from the hand of your most humble servant; but I will not look upon her still, nor answer her. My charming spouse, will she say, redoubling her tears, and putting the glass to my mouth, I will never leave off till I prevail with you to drink; then, wearied with her entreaties, I will dart a terrible look at her, give her a good box on the cheek, and such a push with my foot, as will throw her to a distance from the sofa.
My brother was so full of these chimerical visions, that he acted with his foot as if she had been really before him, and by misfortune he gave such a push to his basket and glasses, that they were thrown down in the street, and broken in a thousand pieces.
The tailor, his neighbour, who heard his extravagant talk, burst into a great fit of laughter when he saw the basket fall. O, what an unworthy fellow art thou! said he to my brother: ought you not be ashamed to abuse thus a young spouse, who gave you no cause to complain. You must be a very brutish fellow to despise the tears and charms of such a beautiful lady. Were I the vizier, your father-in-law, I would order you a hundred lashes with a bull’s pizzle, and send you through the town with your character written on your forehead. My brother, on this fatal accident, came to himself, and perceiving that he had brought this misfortune upon himself by his insupportable pride, he beat his face, tore his clothes, and cried so loud, that the neighbours came about him; and the people, who were going to their noon-prayers, stopt to know what was the matter. Being on a Friday, more people went to prayers than usual: some of them took pity on Alnaschar, and others only laughed at him for his extravagance. In the mean time, his vanity being dispersed with his property, he bitterly bewailed his loss; and a lady of rank passing by upon a mule richly caparisoned, my brother’s situation moved her compassion. She asked him who he was, and what he cried for? They told her, that he was a poor man, who had laid out the little money he was worth in the purchase of a basket of glass ware, and that the basket had fallen over, and all his glasses were broken. The lady immediately turned to an eunuch who attended her, and said to him, Give the poor man what you have about you. The eunuch obeyed, and put into my brother’s hands a purse, with five hundred pieces of gold. Alnaschar was ready to die with joy when he received it. He gave a thousand blessings to the lady, and shutting up his shop, where he had no more occasion to sit, he went to his house.
While he was making deep reflections upon his good luck, he heard somebody knock at his door: before he opened, he asked who it was; and knowing by the voice that it was a woman, he let her in. My son, said she, I have a favour to beg of you: the hour of prayer is come; pray let me wash myself, that I may be fit to say my prayers. Pray let me come into your house, and give me a basin of water. My brother looked at her, and saw that she was a woman well advanced in years: though he knew her not, he granted her request, and sat down again, still full of his new adventure. He put his gold in a long strait purse, proper to carry at his girdle. The old woman in the mean time said her prayers, and when she had done, came to my brother, and bowed twice to the ground so low, that she touched it with her forehead, as if she had been going to say her prayers: then rising up, she wished my brother all happiness.
Being meanly clad, and very humble, he thought she asked alms, upon which he offered her two pieces of gold. The old woman stept back in a sort of surprise, as if my brother had affronted her. Good God! said she, what is the meaning of this? Is it possible, sir, that you took me for one of those impudent beggars who push into people’s houses to ask alms? Take back your money; I need it not, thank heaven. I belong to a young lady of this city, who is a charming beauty, and very rich; she lets me want for nothing.