CHRISTENING FEES. It is customary to send a fee to the officiating clergyman, unless he is a relative or a near friend.
EVENING DRESS. Custom permits a clergyman to wear his clerical dress at all functions at which other men wear evening dress; or, if he wishes, he may also wear the regulation full dress. The wearing of either is a matter of taste.
HOW ADDRESSED. All mail and correspondence should be addressed to Rev. Mr. Smith, but in conversation a clergyman should be addressed as Mr. Smith. If he has received the degree of D.D. (Doctor of Divinity)from some educational institution, then he is addressed as Dr. Smith, and his mail should be addressed as Rev. Dr. Smith.
WEDDING CEREMONY. The officiating clergyman (minister or priest) is selected by the bride, who usually chooses her family minister, and the latter is then called upon by the groom with regard to the details. If a very intimate friend or relative of the groom is a clergyman, it is in good taste for the bride to ask him either to officiate or to assist. If from any cause—as, living outside the State—the clergyman is unable to legally perform the ceremony, a magistrate should be present to legalize the ceremony, and should receive a fee.
CARRIAGE. A carriage should be provided by the groom to take the clergyman to the church, then to the reception, and thence to his house.
FEE. A fee should be paid the clergyman by the groom through the best man, who should hand it to him immediately after the ceremony. If two or three clergymen are present and assist, the fee of the officiating clergyman is double that of the others. The clergyman should receive at least five dollars in gold, clean bills, or check, in a sealed envelope, or more, in proportion to the groom's financial condition and social position.
WEDDING RECEPTION. The clergyman should always be invited to the reception.
ADDRESS. If residing at a club, a man's visiting- card should have his club's name in the lower right-hand corner; if not, the name should be put in lower left-hand corner.
STATIONERY. This is always in good form for social correspondence by men.
COACHING. See DRIVING.
COACHMAN-TIPS. It is customary when a guest leaves a house party after a visit to give the coachman a tip.
COLLEGE DEGREES. Custom, good taste, and the fitness of things forbid a college man having engraved, on his visiting-card, his college degrees—as, A.B., A.M., etc.
COMMERCE, Secretary of—How Addressed. An officialletter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir,the honor to remain your most obedient servant.A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerelyyours.The address on the envelope is: Hon. JohnJ. Wilson, Secretary of Commerce.
COMMITTEES-PUBLIC BALLS. Public balls are conducted like private ones, and the etiquette is the same for the guests. The difference in their management is that, in place of a hostess, her functions and duties are filled by committees selected by the organization giving the ball.
CONCLUSION OF A LETTER. The standard conclusions of letters are: I remain sincerely yours, or; Believe me faithfully yours.
For business correspondence the standardconclusions are: Yours truly, or; Very truly yours.
For relatives and dear friends the standardforms are: Affectionately yours, or; Devotedly yours.
One should avoid signing a letter with only initials,Christian name, surnames, or diminutives.
MEN. In writing formally on business to awoman he knows slightly, a man could say:I am respectfully yours. When not on businesshe could write: I beg to remain yours to command.
He should avoid a signature like: J. JonesWilson, but write: James J. Wilson
WOMEN. In social correspondence a married woman shouldsign: Minnie Wilson, and not: Mrs. John Wilson.If she wants to make known in a business letterthe fact of her being married, and may not knowif the person addressed knows the fact, she may write:Minnie Wilson(Mrs. John Wilson)An unmarried woman would sign her name as:Minnie Wilson, and if wishing not to be takenfor a widow would sign: Miss Minnie Wilson.
CALLS. When death occurs in the family of a friend, one should call in person and make kindly inquiries for the family and leave a card, but should not ask to see those in trouble unless a very near and dear acquaintanceship warrants.
For a very intimate acquaintance, cut flowers may be left in person or sent, together with a card, unless the request has been made to send none.
CARDS. A visiting-card is used with the word CONDOLENCE written on it, and should be left in person if possible, but may be sent or mailed to intimate friends only if accompanied by a note of apology. If out of town, it should be sent by mail with letter of condolence.
A MR. and MRS. card may be used at any time for condolence, except for intimate friends.
LETTERS. Only the most intimate and dear friends should send letters of condolence, and they may send flowers with the note unless the request has been made to send none.
BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF. If wishing to send congratulations after a birth, cards should be left in person or sent by messenger. Cut flowers may be sent with the card.
CARDS. A MR. and MRS. card can be used at any time for congratulations. If left in person, which is preferable, the card should be accompanied by a kindly message, and, if sent by mail or messenger' the word CONGRATULATIONS should be written on it. Business and professional men are not required to make personal calls, and so may send their cards. A Mr. and Mrs. card can be used for all but near friends.
When a card is left in person, with a message of congratulations, nothing should be written thereon.
A man may mail his card to a woman engaged to be married, if acquaintance warrants the action.
Congratulations upon the birth of a child may be expressed by a man to its father by sending a card with the word Congratulations written on it, or by leaving it in person.
A card should be mailed to a man engaged to be married.
WEDDINGS. Congratulations may be sent with letter of acceptance or declination to a wedding to those sending the invitations. And if acquaintance with bride and groom warrant, a note of congratulations may be sent to them also.
Guests in personal conversation with the latter give best wishes to the bride and congratulations to the groom.
WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. In accepting or declining invitations to wedding anniversaries, congratulations may be extended.
CONVERSATION AT DINNERS. Aim at bright and general conversation, avoiding all personalities and any subject that all cannot join in. This is largely determined by the character of the company. The guests should accommodate themselves to their surroundings.
COOKS-TIPS. It is customary for men who have been guests at a house party when they leave to remember the cook by sending her a tip.
CORN ON THE COB is eaten with the fingers of one hand.A good plan is to cut off the kernels and eatthem with the aid of a fork.
CORNER OF CARD TURNED DOWN. This is no longerdone by persons when calling and leavingcards.
CORRESPONDENCE. How to address official and socialletters. See under title of person addressed—as, ARCHBISHOP, etc.
COSTUME BALLS.—INVITATIONS. Invitations are similar to invitations to balls, except that they have in place of DANCING in the lower left-hand corner. COSTUME OF THE XVIIIth CENTURY, BAL MASQUE, OR BAL POUDRE.
COTILLIONS. Germans are less formal than balls. Supper precedes the dancing. Those who do not dance or enjoy it can leave before that time.
The etiquette is the same as for balls.
DRESS. The regulation evening dress is worn.
HOSTESS. The rules governing a hostess when giving a ball are the same for a cotillion, with this addition—that there should be an even number of men and women, and, failing this, more men than women.
It is for the hostess to choose the leader of the cotillion, and to him are entrusted all its details.
At the conclusion of the cotillion the hostess stands at the door with the leader at her side, to receive the greetings and the compliments of the guests.
See also BALLS—HOSTESS.
INVITATIONS. The invitations are engraved, and the hour for beginning is placed in the lower left-hand corner, and are sent out two weeks in advance. They may be sent in one envelope.
Such invitations should be promptly accepted or declined.
COTILIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS. These are given by leading society women, who subscribe to a fund sufficient to pay all expenses of the entertainment. They are usually held in some fashionable resort where suitable accommodations can be had.
Guests are shown to the cloak-room, where attendants check their wraps.
After the supper, the German, or cotillion, begins. Those not dancing in this generally retire. When leaving, guests should take leave especially of the patroness inviting them.
DRESS. Full dress is worn by all.
INVITATIONS. The patronesses whose names appear on the back of the cards are the subscribers. They send out the invitations to their friends. A presentation card, to be shown at the door, is sent with the invitation.
MEN. Men wear evening dress.
The men wait upon their partners and themselves at the table, the waiters assisting, unless small tables are used, when the patronesses sit by themselves, and others form groups as they like. The guests are served by the waiters, as at a dinner.
When retiring, guests should take leave especially of the patroness inviting them.
PATRONESSES. The patronesses stand in line to receive the guests, bowing or shaking hands as they prefer.
When supper is announced, the leading patroness leads the way with her escort, the others following. If small tables are used, the patronesses sit by themselves.
WOMEN. Women wear full dress.
When guests depart, they should take leave especially of the patroness inviting them.
COUNTESS—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:Madam, and ends: I have the honor toremain your Ladyship's most obedient servant.The address on the envelope is: To theRight Honorable The Countess of Kent.
A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent, and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Kent, sincerely yours.
The address is: To the Countess of Kent.
COUNTRY CALLS. The usual rule in calling is for the residents to call first upon the temporary cottage people, and between these latter the early comers call first upon those coming later.
In the city there is no necessity forneighbors to call upon each other.
CRACKERS should be broken into small pieces andeaten with the fingers.
CRESTS. If men and women wish, these may be stamped in the latest fashionable colors on their stationery. It is not customary to use a crest and a stamped address on the same paper.
The present fashion in crests is that theyshould be of small size.
It is not usual to stamp the crest on theflap of the envelope.
If sealing-wax is used, some dull colorshould be chosen.
A person should avoid all individual eccentricities and oddities in stamping, such as facsimile autographs, etc.
CRYSTAL WEDDINGS. This anniversary comes after fifteen years of married life, and the invitations may bear the words: No presents received, and on their acceptance or declination, congratulations may be extended. An entertainment should be provided for. Any article of crystal or glass is appropriate as a gift.
CARRIAGES. A man should secure his carriage-check when leaving his carriage. It is safer to take wraps and coats to the house in case of accidents.
When taking a woman wearing evening dress to a ball or dance, a man should provide a carriage.
DEBUTANTE. See DANCES—WOMEN—DEBUTANTE.
DRESS. Evening dress is worn by men and women.
DINNER INVITATIONS. The hostess issues two sets of invitations—one for those invited to both dinner and dance, and one for those invited to the dance only.
For the former, the hostess should use her usual engraved dinner cards, with the written words: Dancing at eleven, and for the latter her usual engraved At Home cards, with the written words: Dancing at eleven.
A less formal way is to use, instead of the At Home card, a Mr. and Mrs. card, or Mrs. And Miss card, with the following written in the lower left-hand corner: Dancing at ten. March the second. R. S. V. P.
INVITATIONS. These should be acknowledged by an acceptance, or declined, with a note of regret within one week.
MEN. ASKING A WOMAN TO DANCE. A man asks for the privilege of a dance, either with the daughter of the hostess or with any guest of the latter or any young woman receiving with her.
On being introduced to a woman, he may ask her for a dance, and he should be prompt in keeping his appointment.
It is her privilege to end the dance, and, when it is ended, he should conduct her to her chaperone, or, failing that, he should find her a seat—after which he is at perfect liberty to go elsewhere.
If for any cause a man has to break his engagements to dance, he should personally explain the matter to every woman with whom he has an engagement and make a suitable apology.
DEBUTANTE. At a debutante's reception the first partner is selected by the mother, usually the nearest and dearest friend, who dances but once, and the others follow.
INVITATIONS. Invitations to balls or assemblies should be answered immediately; if declined, the ticket should be returned. A man should call or leave cards a few days before the affair.
SUPPER. At balls and assemblies where small tables are provided, a man should not sit alone with his partner, but make up a party in advance, and keep together.
If a patroness asks a man to sit at her table, she should provide a partner for him.
At supper the senior patroness leads the way, escorted by the man honored for the occasion.
If one large table is provided, the men, assisted by the waiters, serve the women. When small tables are used the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.
TRONESSES. Their duties are varied and responsible—among them, the subscription to the expenses of the entertainments.
The patronesses should be divided into various committees to attend to special duties —as, music, caterers, supper arrangements, the ball-room, and all other details.
While affairs of this kind could be left in the hands of those employed to carry out the details, it is better and safer for each committee to follow the various matters out to the smallest details.
Those devising new features and surprisesfor such an occasion will give the most successful ball.
The one most active and having the bestbusiness ability should take the lead.
Lists should be compared, in order to avoidduplicate invitations.
The tickets should be divided among thepatronesses, who, in turn, distribute themamong their friends.
The patronesses should be at the ball-room in ample time before the arrival of the guests, to see that all is in readiness.
They should stand together beside the entrance to welcome the guests. They should see, as far as possible, that the proper introductions are made, and that every one is enjoying the evening, their own pleasure coming last.
If time permits, a hasty introduction to the patroness beside her may be made by a patroness, but it should not be done if there is the slightest possibility of blocking up the entrance.
A nod of recognition here and there, or a shake of the hands with some particular friend, is all that is necessary. Prolonged conversation should be avoided.
A patroness should not worry over the affair, or leave anything to be done at the last minute. If she has to worry, she should not show it, lest she interfere with the pleasure of others.
They should be the last to leave as well as the first to arrive, to see that the affair closes brilliantly.
SUPPER. The senior patroness leads the way to supper, escorted by the man honored for the occasion.
If one large table is provided, the men, assisted by the waiters, serve the women. When small tables are used, the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.
If a patroness asks a man to sit at her table, she should provide a partner for him, and in case of a previous engagement, he should notify her by mail.
WOMEN. A woman should always keep any engagement made, if possible. If, for a good reason, it is desired to break one, she should do so in ample time to enable the man to secure a partner.
It is bad form to refuse one partner for a dance and to accept another for the same dance afterward. After refusing to dance, a woman should lose that dance unless previously engaged.
A woman may refuse to dance at a public entertainment.
A young woman chaperoned should not accept a man's invitation, unless he first asks permission of her chaperone.
It is not good taste to keep late hours at an informal dance.
In round dances the man supports the woman with his right arm around the waist, taking care not to hold her too closely. Her right hand is extended, held by his left hand, and her left hand is on his arm or shoulder, her head erect.
When tired, the woman should indicate a desire to stop dancing.
When the dancing ends, the woman takes her partner's arm and strolls about a few minutes. He then conducts her to her seat by her chaperone, and, after a few remarks, excuses himself.
When supper is announced, and the young woman and her chaperone are in conversation with the man who danced with her last, they should accept his offer as escort if they are not already provided with one.
If a woman is without escort when supper is announced, she must rely upon attendants or members of the host's family.
At balls and assemblies where small tables are provided for the supper, the woman should not sit alone at a table with her partner, but she should have others present also.
DEBUTANTE. At a debutante's reception the first partner is selected by the mother, usually the nearest and dearest friend, who dances but once with her, and the others follow.
HOST. When supper is announced, the host leads the way with his partner, followed by hostess and escort, the rest following.
HOSTESS. She should limit the number of guests to the capacity of the house.
Invitations should include more men than women, for some men may not attend, and of those who do come, some may not dance.
An awning and carpet should be spread from curb to steps. The man stationed at the curb should open carriage doors for arriving and departing guests, distribute carriage- checks, and tell the drivers at what hour to return.
The servant opening the door directs theguests to their respective dressing-rooms.
A small orchestra should be provided andconcealed behind palms or flowers.
In the absence of polished floors, carpets should be covered with linen crash, tightly and securely laid, in order to stand the strain of dancing.
Friends may assist in taking care of theguests, making introductions, etc.
SUPPER. Supper may be served at one largetable or many small ones, as desired.
DANCES (INFORMAL). Dances of this character lack all possible formality. The invitations may be written or verbal.
Piano music is all that is required, played by one of the family or a professional.
Refreshments of a suitable nature are provided.
See also Chaperone. Dances.
INTRODUCTIONS. The man must be introduced to the woman, and should ask her for the pleasure of a dance.
MEN. A man should greet the host as soon as possible after seeing the hostess.
At any function where patronesses are present, a man should bow to the one inviting him, and give her a few words of greeting.
At balls all men should dance, and thosewho do not, have no place there, thoughinvited.
If a man comes alone and has no partner, he should seek hostess or assistants, and request an introduction to women who dance.
After a dance a man should take a short stroll about the room with his partner before returning to her chaperone. Before retiring he may converse with her in general terms, from which he should have refrained previously.
A man escorting one or more women should see that they are cared for when supper is announced.
A man in conversation with a woman when supper is announced, if she is not engaged, may offer to take her into supper. Her chaperone should be invited at the same time.
Introductions should be made as much as possible before the dancing begins.
If introduced to a young woman, and she is free of engagement for the next dance, the man should invite her to dance.
Before asking a chaperoned woman todance, the man should ask permission of herchaperone.
A man should pay especial attention to the women of the house, and invite them to dance as early as possible.
A man should seek out those women who, for some reason, are neglected by selfish men, especially unmarried women, and invite them to dance.
Men should keep engagements a few minutes before each dance.
If for some good reason it is desired to break an engagement, it should be done so as to leave ample time for the other to secure a partner for that dance.
In round dances, the man supports the woman with right arm about her waist, taking care not to hold her too closely. His left hand holds her right one, both extended.
The woman should indicate when she desiresto stop dancing.
All persons should be at a formal dancenot later than half an hour after the hour set.
A man should secure his carriage-check.It is safer to take wraps and coats to thehouse in case of accidents.
GLOVES. Gloves should be worn at formaldances, and should be put on before enteringthe room.
SHAKING HANDS. It is not customary to shakehands at formal dances.
SMOKING. Smoking should not be allowed inthe dressing-room, but a special room shouldbe provided. Men who dance should notsmoke until leaving the house.
WOMEN. The time for the formal dance is indicatedon the invitation, and all should bethere not later than half an hour after thetime set.
At private dances the maid takes and calls for the young woman in the absence of a male escort.
Young women should be chaperoned at allformal dances by their mother or others.
Introductions should be made as much aspossible before the dancing begins.
CARDS. The card of the eldest daughter in society is simply Miss Wilson, and upon her death or marriage the card of the next daughter becomes the same. Where there are unmarried aunts and cousins having the father's name, only the eldest daughter of the eldest man can use the form Miss Wilson.
If two or more sisters enter society at about the same time, their names may appear on their mother's card as The Misses Wilson.
The name of the younger daughter shouldappear in full on her mother's card—as, MissMary Jane Wilson.
Until the younger daughter has formally, made her debut, she visits only intimate friends of the family. After her debut she has no card, and her full baptismal name appears on her mother's card, beneath her name, and not until a year or two after her first appearance does she have a card of her own.
When a mother leaves her daughter's card, it is for the hostess only.
If reception days appear on the mother's card, the daughters also receive on that day, as they have no reception date of their own.
After an entertainment the cards of the family may be left for the host and hostess by the eldest daughter.
The eldest daughter has her own circle ofacquaintances, and can visit and receive independentlyof her mother.
DUTIES AT BALLS. See BALLS—DUTIES OFDAUGHTERS.
DAUGHTER OF BARON—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain, Madam, your obedient servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Miss Wilson, and ends: Believe me, I remain sincerely yours.
The envelope addressed to the eldest daughter reads: To the Honorable Miss Wilson, but to a younger daughter: To the Honorable Minnie Wilson.
DAUGHTER OF DUKE—HOW ADDRESSED. An officialletter begins: Madam, and ends: I have thehonor to remain your Ladyship's most obedientservant.
The address on the envelope is: To theRight Honorable the Lady Jane F. Wilson.
A social letter begins: Dear Lady Jane, and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very faithfully yours.
The address is: To the Lady Jane F. Wilson.
DAUGHTERS OF EARL—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Ladyship's most obedient servant.
The address on the envelope is: To theRight Honorable the Lady Jane F. Wilson.
A social letter begins: Dear Lady Jane,and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Jane, veryfaithfully yours.
The address is: To the Lady Jane F.Wilson.
DAUGHTER OF MARQUIS—HOW ADDRESSED. An officialletter begins: Madam, and ends: I have thehonor to remain your Ladyship's most obedientservant.
The address on the envelope is: To theRight Honorable the Lady Jane F. Wilson.
A social letter begins: Dear Lady Jane,and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Jane, veryfaithfully yours.
The address is: To the Lady Jane F.Wilson.
DAUGHTER OF VISCOUNT—HOW ADDRESSED. An officialletter begins: Madam, and ends: I have thehonor to remain, madam, your obedient servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Miss Wilson,and ends: Believe me, Miss Wilson, sincerelyyours.
The envelope addressed to the eldestdaughter would read: To the Honorable MissWilson, but to a younger daughter: To theHonorable Minnie Wilson.
DAYS AT HOME. Only very intimate persons shouldcall on any other days than those named onan At Home card.
DAY OF WEDDING. The wedding-day is named bythe bride, and her mother's approval is askedby the groom.
DEATH IN THE FAMILY. Cards, writing-paper, and envelopes should be bordered in black. The announcement of the death may be printed or engraved, preferably the latter. Full name of deceased, together with date of birth and death, and residence, should be given.
The frequenting of places of amusements, entertainments, or social functions should not be indulged in for at least a year if in mourning for near relatives.
CONDOLENCE. After a death in the family of an acquaintance, a card with the word Condolence written on it should be left in person or by messenger. For very intimate acquaintances, cut flowers may be left in person or sent, together with a card or letter, unless request has been made not to do so.
DEBUTANTE. A debutante should make her debut between the ages of seventeen and twenty, and should not appear at any public function before her debut. She should be thoroughly versed in the laws of good society. She should be extremely cautious at all times in her dealings with men. She should follow, without reserve, the advice of mother or chaperone. She should avoid forwardness, and be quiet in manner and in speech. Men acquaintances should be carefully chosen, and great care exercised in accepting invitations from them.
AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL). When a tea is given in honor of a debutante, she stands beside the hostess (usually her mother), and each guest is introduced to her. Flowers should be liberally provided, and friends may contribute on such an occasion.
A debutante should not make any formal visits alone the first year, and should not receive men visitors unless her chaperone is present. Should a man call during the first season, and neither her mother nor her chaperone be present, she should decline the visit. She may make and receive visitors alone the second season.
When calling upon a debutante, men and women should leave cards for her and her mother.
CARDS. A debutante should use her mother's card with her name engraved under her mother's, but after a season she uses her own card. Personal cards should not be used during the first season. If she is the eldest unmarried daughter, her name is engraved (as, Miss A—) beneath her mother's name, but if there are other sisters, with the initials (as, Miss A. A—).
The cards of a debutante may be sent by mail or messenger.
DANCES. A debutante always receives with her mother standing by her side. A good order is for the mother to stand nearest the door, the debutante next, and the father last.
It is a good plan for the debutante to ask a few of her girl friends to stand beside her the first half hour.
The mother should introduce guests to her daughter, who may introduce them to her friends.
The debutante shakes hands with each one introduced to her. She dances every dance, and at the end stands beside her mother to receive the greetings of the guests.
The girls standing up with the debutante after the first hour are free to dance and enjoy themselves as they please without standing in line again.
MEN. Her mother should select in advance the man who is to have the pleasure of the first dance with the debutante at her debut. No man should dance more than once with the debutante. If well acquainted with the family, a man may send flowers to a debutante at the time of her first debut. A man should make a formal call on mother and daughter a day or two after her debut, and, if unable to do so, he should send a card.
DEBUT. When her mother receives visits after her debut, the daughter is included, and should be present. The mother should keep a complete record of the visits made by entering the cards in a book kept for that purpose.
FLOWERS. Friends should send flowers to a debutante at a formal tea given in her honor.
MEN. When calling upon a debutante, a man should leave cards for her and her mother, whether the entertainment was attended or not.
See also DEBUTS.
DEBUTS. A debut may be made at a dinner, reception, or ball. The debutante's card should be enclosed with the invitation, reading: Miss Wilson; or, if a younger daughter, Miss Minnie Wilson. For an "At Home" debut, the least formal of all these entertainments, the name of the debutante is engraved below that of her mother.
The mother and elder unmarried sisters prior to the debut should call formally upon those whom they wish to invite to the ceremony. Cards of the family are left, including those of father and brothers.
BALLS—INVITATIONS. When a young woman is to be introduced into society by a ball given in her honor, the parents may use a Mr. and Mrs. calling card, with the words added in writing: Dancing at ten o'clock, with card of the debutante enclosed.
Or the parents may use a specially engraved invitation.
CARDS, LEAVING. At the entertainments at a debut, as at a supper, cards should be left for the mother and daughter, and if guests are unable to be present, they should send them the day of the entertainment.
ENTERTAINMENTS. Debuts may be an "At Home," supper, or dinner, the latter being more formal, and only intimate friends being invited. When making her debut, the debutante should stand beside her mother in the drawing-room, near the door, and be introduced by her. On formal occasions the father stands with them. The debutante may receive flowers from intimate friends only.
AT HOMES. These are the least formal.
SUPPERS OR DINNERS. If the debut takes the form of a supper or dinner, the brother takes in the debutante, and the father the most distinguished woman; or, if there is no brother, he takes in the debutante himself, and she is seated at his left hand. The mother is escorted by the most distinguished man.
Should dancing follow, the mother should select the first partner, who dances but once, when others are at liberty to follow.
GUESTS. Guests should offer congratulations to a debutante at her debut in a few well-chosen words, and also to the parents. A few moments of conversation with her only is admissible.
INVITATIONS. Invitations are engraved, and should be sent by mail or messenger two weeks in advance, addressed to Mr. and Mrs. A, or Mrs. B, or The Misses A. While the invitations to a family may be enclosed in one envelope and sent to the principal one of the family, the son of the family should receive a separate invitation. Men should receive separate invitations and acknowledge them, in person.
Acknowledgment is mot necessary for an "At Home" debut occurring in the afternoon, but would be for a formal one in the evening, for which special engraved invitations had been sent.
If invitations for an afternoon "At Home" reception are accepted, cards should be left for mother and daughter. And, if not attending, cards should be sent by mail or messenger.
DIAMOND WEDDINGS. These occur after seventy- five years of married life, and naturally are of very rare occurrence. If they are celebrated, the invitation may bear the words: NO PRESENTS RECEIVED, and congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitation. An entertainment should be provided for. Any article of diamonds or precious stones is appropriate as a gift.
DINNERS. If the circle of acquaintances is large, a series of dinners is necessary during the season.
Dinners should begin at an hour between seven-thirty and eight-thirty.
The dining-room should be bright and attractive, well lighted, and artistically decorated with flowers.
The success of a dinner lies in the selection of the guests, with regard to their congeniality to each other, and their conversational powers and varying attainments. It is better to have a few at a time, perhaps eight, as a larger number is unmanageable.
CALLS. Guests should call soon after the dinner.
DRESS. Full dress is worn by both men and women.
GUESTS. When guests are not congenial, or have dislikes, they should not show it, but appear as if the contrary were the case.
Guests should be prompt in arriving at the hour named.
At the table it is in good taste to accept whatever is offered, eating it or not, as one desires. Wines should be accepted, even if one does not partake of them. And if a toast is offered, a guest should recognize the courtesy by raising his glass.
Conversing across the table is permissible, provided the distance does not require the voice to be unduly raised.
When coffee is served in the drawing-room, young women serve, and the men hand it to the guests.
When the men re-enter the drawing-room after the coffee, the guests should retire, unless some further entertainment follows. This is usually about eleven o'clock. When leaving, a guest should thank the host and hostess, making some agreeable and appropriate remark suitable to the occasion.
HOST. When dinner is announced, the host offers his left arm to the woman he escorts. She may be the special invited guest, or the most prominent guest present.
The signal for all to rise is given by the hostess, who bows to the woman on the host's right. The men escort the women to the door or drawing-room, after which they return, and cigars and liquors are offered.
The host wears full dress.
GUEST LATE. The host should always come forward to shake hands with the late-comer, and help him to find his seat, and do all in his power to make his late-coming quickly overlooked.
HOSTESS. The hostess receives her guest at the parlor entrance.
At table the guests should remain standing until all have found their places, when the host and hostess seat themselves, after which the others follow. The men should assist the women they escort before taking their own seats.
At an informal dinner a hostess should introduce a man to the woman he is to escort to dinner, informing him whether he is to sit on the right or left hand of the host.
When the dinner is announced the host with his escort leads the way, followed by the guests, and the hostess and her escort come last.
GUEST LATE. The hostess should always bowand shake hands with a guest arriving late,but does not rise unless the guest is a woman.
HOURS. Dinners begin from 7 to 8 P.M., andusually last from one hour to an hour and ahalf.
INTRODUCTIONS. If a man is not acquainted withthe woman assigned to him, the hostessshould introduce him to the woman.
INVITATIONS. These should be acknowledgedimmediately by a letter of acceptance, or decliningwith regret.
The invitations are given in the name of husband and wife, and should be sent out two or four weeks in advance. R. S. V. P. is not used, and they should be answered immediately.
Invitations to a dinner in honor of a special guest are engraved, and state this fact. If for good reasons there is not sufficient time to engrave, an ordinary invitation may be used, and a visiting-card enclosed, upon which is written: To meet Miss Wilson.
For ceremonious dinners, cards may be engraved, with place for guest's name left blank and filled in by hand.
When frequent dinners are given, invitationsmay be engraved, with blanks to befilled with dates, etc.
Written invitations are also proper to indicate an unceremonious dinner. Note sheets can be used.
HUSBAND AND WIFE. Both the husband and wife should always be invited to a dinner.
When a husband and wife are invited to dinner, and the former does not accept, the wife should decline, giving her reason. The hostess can then invite the wife only, who may accept.
MEN. Full dress is necessary for all except informal dinners.
The man at the door, after asking the guest's name, hands him an envelope, with his name upon it, enclosing a card with the name of the woman he is to escort to dinner; or these envelopes may be in the dressing- rooms, if preferred. It will also be designated at which side of the table (right or left) a man is to sit; or a diagram of the table, with the names of the guests, should be hung in each dressing-room. The guests pair off as indicated.
As soon as possible a man should seek the woman assigned to him, and inform her that he will be pleased to act as her escort, disguising any personal preference he may have otherwise.
He should offer his left arm when escorting her to dinner.
When the dinner is announced, the host leads the way with the woman he escorts, and the rest follow. To avoid confusion, a man should remember on which side of the table he is to sit, his place being indicated by a dinner card.
If unacquainted with the woman a man is to escort to dinner, he should seek an introduction from the hostess.
When the women rise to leave, the men rise and remain standing until the women leave the dining-room, or they may accompany them to the drawing-room, and then return for coffee and cigars. They should not remain longer than half an hour.
LEAVING CARDS. After a dinner a man should leave a card for host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not; or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with an apology for so doing.
PRECEDENCE. The host offers his right arm to the woman who is the guest, or the most distinguished woman, or the eldest, or the one invited for the first time. If the dinner is given in honor of a married couple, the host would take in the wife, and the husband would accompany the hostess, who comes last in the procession into the dining-room.
It is a fixed rule that relatives, or husbands and wives, are never seated together.
If possible, there should be an equal number of men and women, and if the latter outnumber the former, the hostess enters alone.
SECOND HELPING. At formal dinner parties, luncheons, and breakfasts, second helpings are never offered by the host or hostess, and should not be asked for by the guests. This is only permissible at a small dinner party or at the daily family meal.
Of course, this does not apply to a second glass of water for which the guest might ask, or for wine, for which the butler should keep a good lookout.
TABLE ETIQUETTE. See TABLE ETIQUETTE.
WOMEN. When wraps have been removed, and the woman leaves the dressing-room, the escort chosen by the hostess approaches and makes known the fact, accompanying her to the table. If the escort is not thoroughly agreeable to the woman, she should conceal the fact.
At the conclusion of a dinner the hostess rises and the women follow, leaving their napkins unfolded. They retire to the drawing-room, while the men remain for coffee and cigars. If the men prefer, they may escort them to the drawing-room, where they bow and return.
GLOVES. Women may remove their gloves at table, and it is not necessary to replace them. They should be laid in the lap. The hostess generally determines whether the women should resume their gloves or not by her own actions.
Full dress is worn.
GIVEN BY MEN—WOMEN. A young woman may accept a man's invitation, provided she has the consent of her mother or guardian, and is assured that there will be present a chaperone.
GIVEN BY BACHELORS. See BACHELORS' DINNERS.
INVITATIONS. The hostess issues two sets of invitations—one for those invited to both the dinner and the dance, and one for those invited to the dance only.
For the former she could use her usual engraved dinner cards with the words: Dancing at eleven, and for the latter her usual engraved At Home cards with the words: Dancing at eleven.
A less formal way for the latter invitation is to use the Mr. and Mrs. card or Mrs. and Miss card, and to write on it in the lower left hand corner: Dancing at ten, February the tenth.
DOCTOR—HOW ADDRESSED. A doctor or physician should be addressed as Dr. both by correspondence and in conversation.
This title of Dr. must not be confounded with the honorary degree of Doctor of Divinity, conferred upon clergymen by educational institutions, and the degree of Doctor of Philosophy, conferred upon college professors after certain conditions of study have been complied with.
DOWAGER DUCHESS. See DUCHESS, DOWAGER.
DOWAGER MARCHIONESS. See MARCHIONESS, DOWAGER.
AFTERNOON. See AFTERNOON—DRESS.
AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS—DRESS.
AT HOMES. See AT HOMES—DRESS.
BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELOR'S DINNERS—DRESS.
BACHELORS' TEAS. See BACHELOR'S TEAS—DRESS.
BALLS. See BALLS—DRESS.
BREAKFASTS. See BREAKFASTS—DRESS.
CHRISTENINGS. See CHRISTENING—DRESS.
COTILLIONS. See COTILLIONS—DRESS.
COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS. See COTILLIONSBY SUBSCRIPTIONS—DRESS.
DANCES. See DANCES—DRESS.
DINNERS. See DINNERS—DRESS.
EVENING. See EVENING DRESS.
GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES—DRESS.
HIGH TEAS. See HIGH TEAS—DRESS.
HOUSE PARTIES. See HOUSE PARTIES—DRESS.
LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS—DRESS.
MATINEES. See MATINEES—DRESS.
MUSICALES. See MUSICALES—DRESS.
THEATRES. See THEATRES—DRESS.
WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS—DRESS.
DRESS—MEN AND WOMEN. For particulars as to dress at different functions, see each entertainment —as, Balls, Dinners, At Homes, Theatres, Breakfasts, etc.