BRIDE. See BRIDE—DRESS.
BRIDESMAIDS. See BRIDESMAIDS—DRESS.
CALLS. See CALLS—WOMEN—DRESS.
FUNERALS. See FUNERALS—WOMEN—DRESS.
MAID OF HONOR. See MAID OF HONOR—DRESS.
MOURNING. See MOURNING—DRESS, WOMEN.
DRESSING-ROOMS. At all entertainments, dressing-rooms should be provided for both the men and for the women, with suitable attendants, where all outer wraps, coats, over- shoes, etc., should be left.
MEN. When driving with a woman, a man should be careful that the carriage is well drawn up to the steps, and that she be given time in which to comfortably seat herself before he begins to drive.
A man when driving with a woman should refrain from asking her permission to smoke, and, of course, would never do so without her permission.
He should be careful to lift his hat as if he were on the street, and if this is not possible, to touch it with the whip in place of a bow.
The host of a coaching party, if he is also the whip, would give the chaperone the seat on the box at the left of his, unless he wished that seat to be occupied by some special young woman. The person occupying this seat should always be helped by the host to climb to her place.
It is customary when the coach is a high one to seat a woman between two men, and they would ascend and descend in the order in which they were seated.
Even if the woman asks a man to drive withher, he should help her to her seat, and beready to step down when a halt is made toassist her to alight.
It is not customary when a woman has asked a man to drive with her for her to call for him at his club or home, but to meet him at her house.
DRESS. The whip wears a gray suit with a gray high hat and gray gloves, with a white silk tie and white linen. But in summer this costume is often made lighter and more comfortable to suit the weather, and a straw hat or panama, with flannel trousers and dark serge sacque coat, would be in good taste.
There are no hard and fast rules governingthe dress of men when driving.
WOMEN. The etiquette in general is the samefor a woman as for a man.
When a woman asks a man or a male relative to drive with her, she does not call for him, but meets him at her door. Even if a groom is present, he should help her to mount to her seat, and at the proper time descend before her and help her to alight.
DUCHESS—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:Madam, may it please Your Grace, and ends:I have the honor to remain your Grace's obedientservant.
A social letter begins: My Dear Duchess ofKent, and ends: Believe me, dear Duchess,yours very truly.
The address on the envelope is: To HerGrace, The Duchess of Kent.
DUCHESS, DOWAGER—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: May it please YOUR Grace, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Grace's obedient servant.
A social letter begins: My dear DuchessOf Kent, and ends: Believe me, dear Duchess,yours very truly.
The address on the envelope is: To HerGrace, The Dowager Duchess of Kent, or, ToHer Grace, Minnie, Duchess of Kent.
DUKE—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:My Lord Duke, may it please your grace, andends: I have the honor to be your grace's mostobedient servant.
A social letter begins: My dear Duke ofKent, and ends: believe me, dear Duke, yourGrace's very faithfully.
The address on the envelope is: To HisGrace, The Duke of Kent.
DAUGHTER OF. See Daughter of Duke.
WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF. See Wife ofYounger Son of Duke.
YOUNGER SON OF. See Son (Younger) of Duke.
EARL—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to beyour lordship's obedient servant.
The address on the envelope is: To theRight Honorable The Earl Of Kent.
A social letter begins: Dear Lord Kent,and ends: Believe me my dear Lord Kent,very sincerely yours.
The address on the envelope is: To theEarl of Kent
DAUGHTER OF. See Daughter of Earl.
WIFE OF YOUNGER SON. See Wife of YoungerSon of Earl.
YOUNGER SON OF. See Son (Younger) of Earl.
EGGS are usually broken into a glass and eaten with a spoon.
ELEVATOR. Men should remove their hats when riding in an elevator with women, although it is held by some that an elevator is as much a public conveyance as a car, and this act of courtesy as unnecessary in the one place as in the other. Women enter and leave before men.
MEN It is his duty to see the woman's parents or guardian, and to make known his intentions, and to tell them fully and frankly about himself, his family, his social position, and business prospects. He should court the fullest investigation, and take his own family into his confidence, but not mention it to others.
PARENTS OF MAN. They should send their pleasant greetings and congratulations, accompanied with flowers, and if both families are old acquaintances, a present may be sent to the prospective bride.
PARENTS OF WOMAN. The first step is to bring together both parents in social intercourse— as, by a dinner given by the man's or woman's family, when friends may be invited, by interchange of notes and congratulations, by any social visit, or by any function that good taste may dictate.
If one family lives out of town, it may invite various members of the other family living in the city to make visits of some duration, as a week or more. These visits should be returned.
PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT. This item of news is rarely published in the papers, but if it is, the expense is borne by the family of the woman. The public announcement is usually made at some social entertainment—as, a dinner, tea, or an "At Home," given by either family.
At a formal dinner given by the family of the woman, the father takes out his daughter first and her fiance escorts her mother. At the proper time the father drinks his future son-in-law's health and announces the engagement. All rise, and congratulations follow.
Notes may be written to intimate friends informing them of the happy event.
WOMEN. A woman should at once confide in her parents, and trust to their future guidance and to their making a full investigation of the man, his social condition, and business prospects. They should not mention the matter to others.
Immediately after the engagement, each of the two parties should be introduced to the family of the other party. Before the wedding-cards are issued the woman should leave her card personally at the homes of her friends, but without entering. After the wedding-cards are issued she should not appear at any social function, or make any personal visits, or be seen at any place of amusement.
It is not wise for her to call at the place of business of her fiance, and if a meeting is necessary, it is better to make an appointment elsewhere.
RING. The ring is given by the man immediately after the announcement of the engagement to the woman, who wears it on the third finger of her left hand. It should be a small and unostentatious one. Diamonds, rubies, moonstones, sapphires, and other precious stones may be used.
He may ask the woman to aid him in the selection, but it is better for him to make the selection alone. The woman may give the man an engagement ring or a gift if she wishes.
ENTERTAINMENTS—CALLS AFTER. See CALLS—MEN—AFTERENTERTAINMENTS.
ENVELOPES, ADDRESSING. See ADDRESSING ENVELOPES.
ESQUIRE. Either ESQ. or MR. may be used in addressing a letter, but never the two at the same time.
EVENING CALLS. When no special day for receiving is indicated, calls may be made at any proper hour, according to the custom of the locality. Men of leisure may call at the fashionable hours, from two till five o'clock in the afternoon, while business and professional men may call between eight and nine in the evening, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.
Men. Evening dress should be worn on all formal occasions, consisting of the swallow- tail coat of black material, made in the prevailing fashion, with waistcoat and trousers of the same material; or a white vest may be worn.
The linen must be white. Studs or shirt- buttons may be worn, according to fashion. The collar should be high, and the cravat white. Low patent-leather shoes and white kid gloves complete the costume.
Evening dress should be worn at all formal functions after six o'clock—as, balls, dinners, suppers, receptions, germans, formal stag parties, theatre, opera, and fashionable evening calls where women are present.
The phrase, "evening dress," is now usedin place of full dress.
A Tuxedo should never be worn whenwomen are present.
See also TUXEDO. CLERGYMAN—EVENINGDRESS.
WEDDINGS, EVENING. Full evening dress is worn by the groom and ushers. Guests are likewise in evening dress.
CLERGYMAN. Custom permits a clergyman to wear his clerical dress at all functions where other men wear evening dress, or he may wear evening dress.
EVENING RECEPTIONS. The etiquette is the same as for an afternoon tea (formal), save that no cards are left by the guests, and that they wear evening dress.
See AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL).
FACSIMILE CARDS, engraved, are no longer used.
FAMILY OF BRIDE. The family, except the father, leave the house first, then the bridesmaids, the maid of honor with the mother, and last the bride with her father or nearest male relative. At church the family is seated by the ushers.
At the conclusion of the ceremony they are the first to be escorted from their pew and to take their carriage for the wedding reception or breakfast.
WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride's father or her nearest male relative takes in the groom's mother, and the bride's mother, as hostess, is taken in by the groom's father.
WEDDING RECEPTION. The parents of both bride and groom stand up with the married couple, and are introduced to the guests.
FAMILY OF GROOM. At the church the family and relatives of the groom are seated on one side, while the family of the bride and her relatives are seated on the other.
WEDDING BREAKFAST. The groom's mother is taken in by the bride's father, and the groom's father takes in the bride's mother, who, acting as hostess, comes last.
WEDDING RECEPTION. The parents of both bride and groom stand up with the married couple, and are introduced to the guests.
FAREWELL BACHELOR DINNER. See BACHELOR'S FAREWELLDINNERS.
FAREWELL BRIDAL LUNCHEON. See BRIDE—FAREWELLLUNCHEON.
DEBUTS. When the debut is a formal one, hestands beside his wife and daughter, andreceives the congratulations of the guests. Ata supper or dinner he escorts the mostdistinguished woman. If there is no brother toescort the debutante, he does so, and she isseated at his left hand.
DINNER, ENGAGEMENT. At a formal dinnergiven by the family of the engaged womanthe father takes out his daughter first andher fiance escorts her mother. At the propertime the father drinks to the health of hisfuture son-in-law, and announces theengagement. All rise, and congratulations follow.
He wears evening dress.
The father of the bride, or her nearest male relative, drives to the church with her, and is there received by the ushers and bridesmaids, and escorts her in the procession up the aisle.
After the procession has arrived at the chancel and the groom comes forward to take the bride's hand, he steps back a little way and waits for the clergyman's words: "Who giveth this woman away?" He then places the bride's right hand in that of the clergyman, and retires to his seat in the pew with his family.
WEDDING BREAKFAST. He takes in the mother of the groom, following the ushers and the maids of honor.
WEDDING RECEPTION. He escorts the groom's mother, and receives with the married couple.
FATHER OF GROOM. At a wedding breakfast he should take in the mother of the bride, and at a wedding reception he receives with the bride and groom.
At a church wedding he is, of course, given a front seat among those reserved for the groom's family.
He should wear afternoon dress for an afternoon wedding, and evening dress at an evening wedding.
CHRISTENING. See CHRISTENING—FEES
WEDDING. The wedding fee, preferably gold or clean bills in sealed envelope, is given by the best man to the officiating clergyman. Custom leaves the amount to the groom, who should give at least five dollars or more, in proportion to his income and social position. The clergyman usually gives the fee to his wife.
A fee should also be paid to the sexton and the organist
FIANCE, MOURNING FOR. In the event of the death of a woman's betrothed shortly before the date of the wedding, she may wear black for a short period or full mourning for a year.
FINGER-BOWL. The fingers should be dipped in the water and gently rubbed together, and dried on the napkins.
FIRST CALLS. Newcomers and brides are called upon first.
After a country visit, the visitor should call first upon the hostess when the latter returns to town.
Other things being equal, the younger or unmarried woman calls first upon the older or married woman.
A woman returning to town before another one would make the first call.
If one woman issues her AT HOME card before another, she should receive the first call.
FISH should be eaten with a fork held in the right hand and a piece of bread held in the left hand. The bones should be removed from the mouth with the aid of a fork or with the fingers. If by the latter, great delicacy should be used.
FLOWER GIRL. The flower girls—one or two, as may be the case—follow the maid of honor up the isle and strew flowers in the path of the bride, who follows after.
In the procession down the isle they shouldfollow the bride.
Flower girls and pages are not used nowas much as formerly.
FLOWERS. Between friends, flowers may be sent as an expression of sympathy in either joy or sorrow.
BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF. If wishing to send congratulations after a birth, cards should be left in person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers may be sent with the card.
BRIDE. If she wishes, a bride may present flowers to her bridesmaids, and also to the best man and ushers.
CHRISTENING. A christening ceremony offers agood opportunity for the guests who desireto present flowers to the mother. This isnot obligatory, however, and must remain amatter of personal taste.
CONDOLENCE CALLS. When making a condolencecall upon a very intimate friend, cutflowers may be left in person or sent,together with a card, unless request has beenmade to send none.
DEBUTANTE. Friends should send flowers to adebutante at a formal tea given in her honor.
ENGAGEMENT. Flowers should accompany the greetings from the parents of the man to the parents of the woman.
FUNERALS. See FUNERALS—FLOWERS.
GROOM. He pays for the bridal bouquet carried by the bride at the wedding ceremony, and, if he wishes, for the bouquets carried by the bridesmaids.
MEN. If well acquainted with a debutante's family, a man may send her flowers at the time of her debut.
After a slightly intimate acquaintance, a man can present flowers to a young unmarried woman as a token of sympathy either of joy or sorrow.
It is not usual for a man to send flowers to a woman who is a mere acquaintance.
BALLS. It is permissible for a man, if he wishes, to send flowers to a woman he is to escort to a ball.
THEATRE OR OPERA. It is permissible, but not necessary, for a man to send flowers to the woman he is to take to the theatre or to the opera.
WEDDING TRIP. The best man should arrange beforehand all the details of the trip—such as the tickets, parlor-car, flowers, baggage, etc.
PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS—FLOWERS.
FORK AND KNIFE. See KNIFE AND FORK.
FORMAL AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL).
FORMAL DANCES. See DANCES (FORMAL).
FRUIT. All raw fruit, except melons, berries, andgrapefruit, are eaten with the fingers.Canned fruits are eaten with a spoon.
FULL DRESS. This phrase is now no longer in goodusage, and instead should be used the term:"Evening Dress," which SEE.
FUNERALS. A member of the family, or very near relative, should take charge of the ceremony and direct the undertaker. A large funeral should be avoided, and the ceremony confined to the immediate family and nearest relatives, and, if possible, the service should be at the church.
All the details of the funeral should be carefully considered and carried out, with the ceremony started at the hour set, and with all appearance of confusion avoided.
It is not now customary to watch by thedead at night.
Funerals should be private, and only thoseintimately interested should be invited.
CARRIAGES. A carriage should always be provided to call for the clergyman and to take him from the church or cemetery back to his house. Carriages should also be provided to take the friends, mourners, and pall-bearers from the house to the church, and then to the cemetery and return. These are provided by the family.
DRESS. See FUNERALS—MEN.
EXPENSES. Though it is not customary for the clergyman in Protestant churches to expect or to receive fees for conducting funerals, yet it is in perfectly good taste to offer him a fee. In the Roman Catholic Church the rate of fees for funerals is fixed. There are, besides, fees for the sexton, the organist, and the singers.
FLOWERS. The family, in publishing notice of funeral, may add: "Kindly omit flowers." However, in the absence of such a notice, at the public funerals of prominent persons elaborate designs may be sent. But at a private funeral, if flowers are sent, they should be choice and delicate.
The custom is growing of having fewer flowers, and it is no longer in good taste to have a carriage in the procession carrying flowers and set pieces. A good use of the large set pieces is to send them afterward to the hospitals.
If any flowers are laid upon the grave they should be those given by the nearest relatives.
INVITATIONS. A church funeral can be attended by any one, friend or acquaintance, and no slight should be felt at the non-receipt of an invitation. Those attending should take especial pains to be in the church before the funeral procession arrives, and that they do nothing to distract from the solemnity of the occasion.
Notice of death and date of funeral may be printed on heavy bordered cards, or on mourning paper, and sent to friends. Sometimes a notice is written and sent to most intimate friends.
MEN—DRESS. A man should wear either a black frock coat or a black cutaway, with the necktie, gloves, and other parts of the dress as subdued as possible. Under no conditions should light ties or light-colored linen be worn.
PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS.
PRECEDENCE. At a church funeral the parents, arm in arm, follow the body of their child, and the children come next in the order of their age.
A widow, leaning on the arm of her eldest son, follows the body of her husband, and the other children come after.
A widower, attended by his eldest daughter or son, follows the body of his wife, and the children come after.
The elder children always precede the younger. The pall-bearers are seated at the left of the main isle, and the near relatives at the right.
PUBLIC NOTICE. When the date of the funeral has been determined upon, notice should be published in the papers, giving date, place, and time of funeral—also date of birth and late place of residence of deceased. Such announcement may contain notice that the interment is private, and also the words: "Kindly omit flowers."
A notice of death and date of funeral may be printed on heavy bordered cards or mourning paper, and sent to friends. Sometimes a notice is written and sent to most intimate friends.
CHURCH. The pall-bearers and the nearest relatives meet at the house. At the appointed hour the procession leaves the house, the casket borne on the shoulders of the undertaker's assistants, followed by the pall-bearers, relatives, and friends.
The same order is followed in the procession up the aisle, the relatives occupying the first pews on the right, the pall-bearers the first pews on the left, of the middle aisle. At the conclusion of the ceremony the friends wait until the family and pall-bearers have left, and then quietly retire.
HOUSE. At a house funeral, some one representing the family should receive the people as they enter and direct them where to go, it being customary for the family and relatives to be in one room and the friends in another.
Usually there are no pall-bearers; but if there are, their duties are the same as at a church funeral. The clergyman should stand near the casket, and if there are musicians they should be so stationed that, while they are not seen, they are easily heard. At the conclusion of the ceremony the friends depart, and thus allow the family and relatives to take the last leave of the deceased before they take the carriages for the cemetery.
It is customary for the family to be in retirement at the hour of the funeral, and they are the first to enter the carriages.
Those in charge of the house should, after the funeral party has left, arrange the apartments to make them as cheerful as possible, and also provide a substantial meal for the mourners on their return.
CARDS. Guests leave their cards in the hall either when entering or leaving only at large garden parties.
DRESS. It is customary for women to wear light afternoon dresses.
Men wear summer business suits, yachting flannels, and straw hats, and even white duck trousers. Gloves are not worn.
The regulation frock coat and high hat is not worn, save by men from the city or at some extremely fashionable affair.
GUESTS. After leaving their outer garments in the dressing-rooms, the guests should pay their respects to the hostess, after which they are free to enjoy themselves as they please.
The usual length of stay is about half an hour or the whole afternoon.
While guests may arrive at their own convenient time, they would do well to remember that they have not the same freedom to come and go as at an afternoon reception.
Guests should take leave of the hostess unless she is very much engaged.
HOSTESS. The hostess wears afternoon dress, and usually one that is dainty and delicate— suitable for a summer afternoon.
She receives on the lawn, shakes hands with each guest, and makes introductions when deemed essential.
She may, if she so desires, receive with some member of her family.
HOURS. These are from 3 to 7 P.M.
INVITATIONS. These are issued in the name of the hostess, and may be engraved or written. Sometimes the hostess writes on her card: GARDEN PARTY, JULY 17, FROM 4 TO 7, or she may use an AT HOME card, and in the lower left-hand corner write: GARDEN PARTY. The engraved card usually indicates an elaborate affair.
These invitations may be sent by mail or messenger.
It is a good plan to add to the invitations some information regarding the trains, or to enclose a time-table.
All such invitations should be promptly acknowledged or declined.
MEN. Men wear summer business suits, white ducks, or yachting flannels, A tennis suit would be permissible.
The regulation frock coat and high hat should be worn only by men from the city attending an affair in the country, or at some extremely fashionable affair.
Men should greet the hostess both on theirarrival and departure.
Visiting-cards are left only at large gardenparties.
WOMEN. Women wear light, delicate, afternoondresses.
They should greet the hostess, both on theirarrival and departure.
Visiting-cards are left only at large andformal outdoor affairs.
GERMANS. See COTILLIONS.
AFTER HOUSE PARTY. While not necessary, aguest after a house party may send sometrifle to the hostess as a token of pleasureand appreciation.
BEST MAN. After the groom selects the bestman, the latter should send a gift to thebride, and may, if he wish, send it to thegroom, a custom not yet clearly established.
CHRISTENING. A christening ceremony offers a good opportunity for the invited guests so wishing to send a gift to the baby. These should be sent a day or two before the ceremony, and, if of silver, should be suitably marked with the child's name, initials, or monogram.
ENGAGEMENT. If both families of the engaged couple are old acquaintances, the parents of the man may send a gift along with their greetings and congratulations.
WEDDING. See WEDDINGS—GIFTS.
GIFTS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN. Books, flowers, and other small articles of decoration are proper gifts to accept.
Sending valuable gifts of jewelry, or any other article, depends largely upon the relationships of the parties, and should not be done unless the sender is sure of its acceptance. Such gifts should not be accepted from mere acquaintances or friends.
It is bad form for a man to send expensive presents to a woman who may be compelled to return them.
MEN. At the opera or theatre, if in full dress, gloves may be dispensed with, but they are worn with street dress. With formal evening dress, white kid gloves should be worn.
For afternoon dress, gloves should be of undressed kid, gray, tan, or brown. When calling, the glove of the right hand should be removed upon entering the drawing-room.
Gloves should not be worn at high teas.
MEN—AFTERNOON DRESS. Undressed kid gloves of a dark color are worn.
MEN-BALLS. Men should always wear gloves at all balls, in summer or winter, in town or city.
MEN-CALLING ON WOMEN. Gloves need not be removed at a formal or brief call.
MEN-DANCES. Gloves should be worn at formal dances, and should be put on before entering the room.
MEN-HIGH TEA. Men do not wear gloves.
MEN-MOURNING. Black or dark-colored gloves should be worn.
MEN—SHAKING HANDS. At weddings, operas, or dances, and on all very formal occasions, men wear gloves. In shaking hands with women on these occasions gloves should not be removed.
If a hostess wears gloves at any formal affair, a man wears his when he shakes hands with her.
A man with hands gloved should never shake hands with a woman without an apology for so doing, unless she likewise wears gloves. A sudden meeting, etc., may make a hand-shaking in gloves unavoidable. Unless the other party is also gloved, a man should say: "Please excuse my glove."
WOMEN. Gloves should always be worn on the street.
At dinners, or formal teas, women should remove their gloves at the table and place them in their laps.
At dinners and formal teas, when the women have retired to the drawing-room, they may resume their gloves or not, or follow the example of the hostess.
At informal teas or "At Homes" the hostess need not wear gloves.
BREAKFAST. Gloves should be removed at table.
DINNER. Women may remove their gloves at table, and it is not necessary to replace them. They should be laid in the lap. The hostess generally determines by her own actions whether the women should resume gloves or not.
MOURNING. Gloves may be of black kid, suede, or black silk. In the evening, black suede or glace, or white suede should be worn. White gloves with black stitching should not be worn in the evening.
BRIDE. See BRIDE—GLOVES.
GROOM. See GROOM—GLOVES.
USHERS. See USHERS—GLOVES.
GODFATHER. A man asked to be one of the sponsors at a christening ceremony should reply by a written note or by calling in person.
He should call immediately on the parents and send flowers to the mother, and express himself as pleased at the compliment.
He should send a present to the child, usually a piece of jewelry or some silver, and, if a wealthy relative, may deposit a sum of money to the child's credit, and present him with the bank-book.
He should also send with his present one of his calling cards, on which is written some appropriate sentiment.
It is his privilege, when the wine is about to be drunk after the ceremony, to first propose the health of the child and then the health of the mother.
The duties of the godfather at the ceremony consist of assenting to the vows.
GODMOTHER. A woman asked to be a sponsor at a christening should immediately accept or decline the invitation either by a written note or a call.
She should also call on the parents and send flowers to the mother, and express pleasure at the compliment paid to her.
It is always customary for the godmother to give the child a gift, such as a christening robe, a cradle, or some piece of silver. If the latter is sent, it should have the child's name on it. With the gift should be sent the sponsor's calling card, with some appropriate sentiment on it. It is customary to send the gift to the child itself.
GOLDEN WEDDINGS. Fifty years after the wedding-day comes the Golden Wedding. The invitations may bear the words: NO PRESENTS RECEIVED, and congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitation. An entertainment is usually provided for.
The gifts are, appropriately, articles of gold, and this is a fitting occasion for giving fifty gold pieces of either, five, ten, or twenty dollar denomination. The invitations are appropriately engraved in gold, and the decorations golden in color.
GOVERNOR OF A STATE—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor, sir, to remain your obedient servant.
A social letter begins: Dear GovernorWilson, and ends: Believe me, most sincerelyyours.
The address on the envelope is: GovernorJohn J. Wilson.
GRAPES AND PLUMS should be eaten one by one, and the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the half-closed hand and then transferred to the plate.
GROOM. The groom selects his best man, usually an unmarried intimate friend, though a married man or widower is permissible. After consultation with the bride he calls upon the clergyman, the organist, the sexton, and invites the ushers.
When he is informed by his bride of the day selected for the wedding, he should ask her mother to accept the day agreed upon.
He may make what present he desires to the bride, and, if he also wishes, to the brides- maids. If any gifts are sent to the groom, they should bear his name or cipher.
He should furnish the bride's family with a list of names of persons to whom he desires to have invitations sent, designating his preference for those to be asked to the wedding breakfast or reception.
BEFORE CEREMONY. The day before the ceremony, or sooner, he gives into the safe- keeping of the best man the ring and the fee for the clergyman.
He also sends or hands the marriage license (if one is needed) to the officiating clergyman before the ceremony.
CHURCH, It is not customary for the groom to see his bride on the wedding-day till he meets her at the altar. The groom and the best man usually breakfast together on the wedding-day and arrive in ample time at the church.
Upon the arrival of the bride in the vestibule, the clergyman enters the chancel, followed by the groom and the best man. The groom then steps forward, and stands at the left of the clergyman, facing the audience. It is a good plan for both the groom and best man to leave their hats in the vestry, but if the groom has not done so, he gives his hat and gloves to the best man on the approach of the bride, and advances to meet her. He gives her his left arm, and together they stand before the clergyman.
At the proper moment he receives the ring from the best man and hands it to the bride. It is no longer in good form for him to kiss the bride after the ceremony, but after receiving the congratulations of the clergyman to give her his right arm, and together they lead the procession to the vestibule.
CLERGYMAN. While the bride selects the officiating clergyman, it is the place of the groom to call upon him in regard to the details, and to pay him the fee.
If the clergyman from any cause—as, living outside of the State—cannot legally perform the ceremony, a magistrate should be present to legalize the marriage, and should receive a fee.
DRESS-EVENING WEDDING. He wears full evening dress.
DRESS-MORNING OR AFTERNOON WEDDING. He wears afternoon dress, consisting of a double-breasted frock coat of dark material, waistcoat, single or double (preferably the latter), of same material, or more usually of some fancy material of late design. The trousers should be of light pattern, avoiding extremes. The linen should be white, and the tie white or light material, and the gloves of gray suede. These, with patent-leather shoes and a silk hat, complete the costume.
EXPENSES. He pays for the license fee, the organist's fee, and a fee to the sexton.
Nothing less than five dollars in gold, clean bills, or a check in a sealed envelope, or more, according to social position and financial income, should be the clergyman's fee. Should there be one or two additional clergymen, he pays a fee to each, the fee of the officiating clergyman being double that of the others.
He pays for the carriages of the ushers, the one for himself and the best man, and the one which takes away the married couple on their wedding trip.
He pays for the bouquet carried by the bride, and, if he wishes, for the bouquets carried by the bridesmaids. He also pays for the cuff-buttons or scarf-pins, and, if he wishes, for the gloves and neckties given to the ushers and the best man.
He pays for the wedding-ring—a plain gold one, with initials of bride and groom and date of marriage engraved thereon. He may also present some souvenirs to the bridesmaids.
He may give a farewell dinner a few evenings before the wedding to his best man, ushers, and a few intimate friends. He sits at the head of the table and the best man opposite, and on this occasion he may give the scarf-pins or cuff-buttons, also neckties and gloves, if he wishes, to the best man and ushers.
FAREWELL DINNER. See BACHELOR'S FAREWELLDINNER.
GLOVES. At a morning or afternoon wedding,the groom wears gray suede gloves.
At an evening wedding he wears white kidgloves.
WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride and groom enter first, and are seated at the principal table.
WEDDING RECEPTION. The groom and his bride stand side by side and receive the congratulations of all present. The guests serve them refreshments.
See also BEST MAN. BRIDE. USHERS. All items under WEDDINGS.
GROOM'S FAMILY. See FAMILY OF GROOM.
GROOM'S FATHER. See FATHER OF GROOM.
GROOM'S MOTHER. See MOTHER OF GROOM.
GUEST OF HONOR AT BALLS, if the ball is given in honor of some special person, he should be met on his arrival, introduced to the women of the reception committee, escorted to the seat prepared for him, and be attended to the whole evening by the management of the ball.
At the end of the ball, he should be escorted to his carriage.
LATE AT DINNERS. When a guest arrives late he should make a short and suitable apology to the hostess, and then take his seat as quickly and as quietly as possible.
The hostess shakes hands with the guest, but does not rise unless the guest is a woman.
The host should in either case rise and meet the guest, and assist him in finding his seat, and endeavor, by making the conversation general, to distract attention from the event.
For duties of guests, see other functions— as, BALLS—GUESTS, CHRISTENINGS—GUESTS, etc.
HAND-SHAKING—INTRODUCTIONS. Women and men on being introduced may shake hands, but it is not good form. A polite bow, a smile, and friendly recognition is more correct. If an advance is made by either party, it should be immediately accepted.
MEN—CALLING. When making a formal or brief call, the hat should be carried in the hand into the parlor.
In apologizing to a woman, opening a door, or rendering any service to a woman in public, or in answering a question, the hat should be raised.
When seeing a woman to her carriage, he should raise his hat upon closing the carriage door. When attentions are offered by another man to a woman whom he is escorting, a man raises his hat in acknowledgment of the courtesy and thanks the party.
In a street-car a man raises his hat whengiving his seat to a woman.
On the railroad a man removes his hat inthe parlor-car, but not in the day coach.
In an elevator a man should remove hishat in the presence of women.
In hotels where corridors are reserved and used as places of meeting and recreation by the guests, no hats should be worn. Standing uncovered when talking to a woman on the street is generally embarrassing to her, and it is better to make a polite bow and replace it after a few seconds.
MOURNING. A crape band around the hat should be worn—the width of the band being determined by the character of the bereavement.
HIGH TEA. This is an elaborate entertainment,and an elaborate menu is generally served.
CALLS. Calls should be made in person one weekafter the event.
GUESTS. Guests wear evening dress, and shouldnot remain more than half an hour.
INVITATIONS. These are engraved, and the hour for the entertainment specified. They should be issued in the name of the hostess only, except in such cases when the entertainment is the occasion of a debut or another woman assists, in which event her name appears likewise.
The invitations should be promptly acceptedor declined.
MEN. Full dress is worn, but men do not weargloves.
WOMEN. Full dress is worn.
HOME WEDDINGS. Weddings at the homes of the brides vary much, according to the taste of the participants. The ushers, bridesmaids, best man, and maid of honor are generally dispensed with; but if present, their duties are the same as at a church wedding, with minor differences.
The clergyman stands in a large room decorated with flowers, facing the audience, with the groom beside him. The bride enters on the arm of her father, followed by the bridesmaids and ushers, and the ceremony proceeds as at a church, with the usual congratulations to the groom and best wishes to the bride.
Refreshments are served, either formal or informal. At an afternoon ceremony men wear the regulation afternoon dress, and if in the evening, the usual evening dress.
HONEYMOON, See WEDDING TRIP.
HONOR, SEAT OF. The seat of honor is at the right of the host.
AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS—HOST.
BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELORS' DINNERS—HOST.
BACHELORS' TEAS. See BACHELORS' TEAS—HOST.
BALLS. See BALLS—HOST.
DANCES. See DANCES (FORMAL)—HOST.
DINNERS. See DINNERS—HOST.
MATINEES. See MATINEES—HOST.
THEATRES. See THEATRE AND OPERA PARTIESGIVEN BY MEN.
INTRODUCTIONS. Introductions to the hostess at an "At Home" or reception by women assisting hostess, to those who have been invited to the entertainment by them, are not recognized thereafter unless by mutual consent.
The hostess receiving in her own home should offer her hand to all to whom she is introduced.
The hostess introduces her immediate familyto all her guests. No formal permissionis necessary.
In the case of one woman desiring an introduction to another, the hostess should be asked to bring this about.
INTRODUCTIONS BY CHAPERONES. At entertainments both the chaperone and her protege should enter together, and the chaperone should introduce her protege to the hostess.
WOMEN CALLING UPON. When calling formally upon a hostess, a woman should leave a card, whether the hostess was at home or not.
When a son enters society, his mother, when calling, can leave his cards for him, and invitations to entertainments will follow. If it is impossible for him to leave cards for himself she may continue to do so.
WOMEN LEAVING CARDS ON. When a mother leaves her daughter's card, it is for the hostess only.
HIGH TEAS. See HIGH TEAS—HOSTESS.
HOUSE PARTIES. See HOUSE PARTIES—HOSTESS.
LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS—HOSTESS.
MATINEES. See MATINEES—HOSTESS.
SHAKING HANDS. See SHAKING HANDS—HOST.
WEDDINGS. See MOTHER OF BRIDE.
AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS—HOURS.
BREAKFASTS. See BREAKFASTS—HOURS.
CALLS. See CALLS—HOURS.
DINNERS. See DINNERS—HOURS.
GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES—HOURS.
LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS—HOURS.
MUSICALES. See MUSICALES—HOURS.
RECEPTIONS. See RECEPTIONS—HOURS.
WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS—HOURS.
HOUSE FUNERALS. See FUNERALS—HOUSE.
HOUSE PARTIES. These usually refer to a group of congenial persons, numbering from four to twenty-four, and visiting country homes, making a stay of a few days or a few weeks.
DRESS. The length of the visit and the nature of the house party determines the extent of wardrobe necessary. A guest should carry at least three changes of suits—one for the morning, one suitable for afternoon entertainments, picnics, etc., and the regulation evening dress.
GUEST. To be a welcome guest the visitor should accommodate himself as much as possible to the plans of his hostess and the ways of the home life.
A visitor should avoid the common mistake of refusing to make a choice when a choice is offered.
A guest should try to be congenial withthe other guests, kind to the servants, andto be considerate of all others.
EXPENSES. The hostess should furnish transportation for both guests and baggage to and from the station.
Each guest should pay for all expenses incurred by him, and be especially careful, in the case of sickness or misfortune, that some items are not overlooked.
LETTER AFTER DEPARTURE. If the visit has been more than two days, the guest should write a short letter to the hostess, telling of the pleasure the visit gave them and their safe journey home.
A guest so desiring might send some trifle as a gift to the hostess.
TIPPING SERVANTS. Unless a hostess positively requests her guests not to tip, a guest, when leaving at the end of a visit at a private house, should remember the servants. The average American, from lack of a definite standard, too often errs on the side of giving too much.
Those giving personal service should be remembered, as well as those who render service— as, the coachman and outside servants.
HOSTESS. While careful to provide entertainment for her guests, a hostess should be careful not to overentertain, and to allow each guest ample time in which to enjoy themselves any way they please. If an entertainment is planned for the afternoon, it is well to leave the mornings open, and VICE VERSA.
The success of the hostess depends on her making the guests feel free from care and ENNUI.
CARING FOR THE SICK. In addition to the regular care of the guest's room and attention to his comfort and pleasure, a hostess should double her energies in case her guest is sick.
She is not called upon to pay for the expenses of telegrams, doctor's bills, medicines, etc., contracted by the guest. If a guest departed without attending to these matters, the hostess would have to pay for them.
GIVING FAREWELL, To VISITORS. A hostess should, in bidding farewell to her visitors, see that she does not overdo it.
While it is not strictly necessary that a hostess should accompany a guest to the depot, yet many still follow this rule, especially in the case of an unmarried woman, and are careful to see to all the details of checking baggage, etc.
In the case of a bachelor, such attention is not necessary.
A hostess conveys at her own expense both the guest and baggage to and from the station.
GREETING VISITORS. When an hour of arrival is specified in an invitation, the guest should be met at the station, especially an unmarried woman, by the hostess or host. In case of married couples or bachelors, a man servant may meet them.
In all cases the hostess should arrange for the conveyance of both the guests and their luggage.
A hostess accompanies a woman to the guest chamber, but sends a man servant with a bachelor to the latter's room.
INVITATIONS. These should state definitely when a visit is to begin and to end. It is also a good plan to allude in the invitation to any special amusement or entertainment.