DRESS. The pall-bearers wear black frock coat, trousers, and waistcoat, a black silk hat with a mourning band, black shoes, and black kid gloves. The linen should be white
FLOWERS. Unless there has been a request not to send flowers, a pall-bearer may do so after his first call.
If he wishes, a few days after the funeral he may send flowers to the women of the family with his card, on which should be written: With the compliments of ——-.
INVITATIONS. The invitation should be promptly accepted or declined, and if accepted only illness or unavoidable absence from the city would excuse a man from attending.
PAPER WEDDING. The first wedding anniversary is called the paper wedding, and is not usually celebrated. If, however, it is celebrated, the invitations may bear the words: No presents received. Congratulations should be extended in accepting or declining the invitations. Any article of paper would be an appropriate gift. An entertainment should follow.
PARTIES. These are less formal than balls.
They generally begin at nine or nine-thirty, with dancing at ten-thirty or eleven. The supper precedes the dancing. Those who do not take part in the dancing may leave before it begins.
INVITATIONS. These are engraved, giving hour for beginning in lower left-hand corner, and should be sent two weeks in advance. One envelope only need be used. They should be answered promptly.
PATRONESSES. It is customary for the management of any institution giving a public ball to formally invite six, eight, or more married women to act as patronesses, and for their names to appear on the invitations. If badges are worn, each patroness is sent one or given one at the ball-room.
The patronesses, after being welcomed at the ball by the management committees, take their places, ready to receive the guests.
The Committee of Arrangements should look after the patronesses, introduce distinguished guests to them, escort them to supper and finally to their carriages.
See also COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS—PATRONESSES. DANCES.
PEACHES should be quartered and the quarters peeled,then taken up by the fingers and eaten.
PEAS are eaten with a fork.
PLUMS AND GRAPES should be eaten one by one, and the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the half-closed hand and then transferred to the plate.
POSTAL CARDS. It is wise to restrict the use of postals to impersonal communications; but if they must be used, the message should be brief with an apology for its use. It is a good plan in addition to omit the usual My dear, and to sign with the initials only and the full surname.
POSTPONING DINNERS See CANCELING DINNERS.
POSTPONING WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS—INVITATIONSRECALLED.
DINNERS. See DINNERS—PRECEDENCE.
FUNERALS. See FUNERALS—PRECEDENCE.
THEATRE. See THEATRE—PRECEDENCE.
PRESENTS. See GIFTS.
PRESIDENT—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your most obedient servant.
A social letter begins: My dear Mr.President, and ends: I have the honor to remainmost sincerely yours.
The address on the envelope is: PresidentJohn Wilson.
PRINCE, ROYAL—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, may it please your Royal Highness, and ends: I have the honor to remain, sir, your Royal Highness' humble servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Sir, and ends: Your Royal Highness' most obedient servant.
The address on the envelope is: To HisRoyal Highness, the Prince of Wales.
PRINCESS, 'ROYAL-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, may it please your Royal Highness, and ends: Your Royal Highness' most obedient servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Madam, and ends: Your Royal Highness' most obedient servant.
The address on the envelope is: To HerRoyal Highness, the Princess of Wales.
PRIVATE WEDDINGS. These are attended only by intimate friends and members of the family, and vary but little from home weddings.
If the family is in mourning the cards are issued with the name of bride and groom and new address, together with card having bride's maiden name, and the announcement cards are sent after the ceremony.
Afternoon dress should be worn at an afternoon wedding, and evening dress at an evening wedding.
PROPOSALS OF MARRIAGE. The time, manner, and details of proposals of marriage are appropriately left to the good taste and judgment of the groom. If the proposal is rejected, good taste, womanly refinement, and courteous consideration demand that it be kept an inviolate secret, and any such breach of confidence may be rightly deemed the act of a woman without taste or tact, and unworthy of respect.
Proposals by women, while permissible, are not customary.
PUBLIC BALLS, By public balls are meant county and charity balls, and balls given by social institutions where dancing is the main feature. These public balls differ from private ones in that all the duties of the hostess fall upon some committees.
These committees would follow the same rules as laid down for a hostess—issuing engraved invitations from fourteen to seventeen days in advance, engaging a caterer, etc.
The etiquette for a public ball is the same as for a private one, save that guests arrive and depart when they please without taking leave of those who receive, and men wishing introductions apply for them to the Floor or Reception Committee.
At the cloak-rooms a small fee is paid to the attendant.
SEE ALSO all entries under Balls.
BADGES. It is customary for the men and women on the committees to wear on the left side of the breast ornamental and embroidered badges, with the official position designated on it.
COMMITTEE. The committee at a public ball takes the place of the hostess, filling all her duties and offices.
PATRONESSES. It is customary for the management formally to invite six, eight, or more married women to act as patronesses of the ball, and for their names to appear on the invitations. If badges are prepared for the patronesses, one is sent to each patroness or handed to her on the evening of the dance.
The patronesses should be welcomed at the ball by the management, and they then take their position ready to receive the guests.
The management should look after the patronesses, to see that they are taken into supper, to introduce prominent guests to them, and, finally, to escort the patronesses to their carriages.
R. S. V. P. The use of these letters-standing for Repondez, s'il vous plait (Answer, if you please)-is decreasing. All invitations to which acceptances are expected should be answered at once. If preferred, however, the above abbreviations may be used on the following: invitations to ceremonious receptions, breakfasts, luncheons, dinners, and to meet a prominent person.
RAILROAD-MEN. A man should remove his hat in a parlor-car, but not in a day coach.
RECALLING WEDDING INVITATIONS. When from some good reason a wedding has to be canceled or postponed, the parents of the bride should send, as soon as possible, printed notices, giving reasons to all the guests.
RECEPTIONS. Reception days are placed in the lower left-hand corner of visiting-cards-as, UNTIL LENT, or, In JANUARY-and may be either engraved or written.
Daughters have no reception day of their own, but receive on their mother's reception day.
The etiquette at receptions is the same as at afternoon teas.
HOURS. Afternoon receptions are held from 4 to7 P.M.
Evening receptions are held from 9 to11 P.M.
INVITATIONS, ACCEPTING OR DECLINING. These should be acknowledged within a week, either by a letter accepting, or declining with regret.
INTRODUCTIONS. The man should seek an introductionto any woman he wants to meet.
The hostess makes what introductions shedeems proper.
DRESS. For an afternoon reception guests should wear afternoon dress, and for an evening reception evening dress.
AFTERNOON, GIVEN BY BACHELORS. See BACHELORS' TEAS.
EVENING. The etiquette is the same as for an afternoon tea (formal), save that no cards are left by the guests, and that the guests should wear evening dress.
See also AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL).
WEDDING. See WEDDING RECEPTIONS.
WEDDING RECEPTIONS. The refreshments are placed on tables, and the guests help themselves or are helped by the bridesmaids. The groom and bride are waited upon by the guests.
REGISTER, SIGNING OF. This is sometimes done bythe bride and the groom. This takes placein the vestry, and the best man signs as chiefwitness and some of the guests as witnesses.
REHEARSALS, WEDDING. Rehearsals should be heldeven for a quiet home wedding, and at a sufficientlyearly date to insure the presence ofall who are to participate.
REPORTERS AT WEDDINGS. If such is the wish of the family of the bride, the best man attends to the reporters, and furnishes them with the names of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description of gowns, and other suitable details.
RESIDENCE, CHANGE OF—WOMEN. After a change of residence, the cards of the entire family should be sent out as soon as possible.
RESTAURANTS. If at a table, and a woman bows, the man should rise and bow in return. If a man is one of a party sitting at a table, and a woman with her escort stops to pass greetings, he should rise and stand until they depart.
One man introduced to another who is surrounded by male friends should rise to acknowledge the honor of the introduction.
When a man is with a woman he should exercise great care in recognizing male acquaintances who may be in doubtful company. He should avoid being in such company himself when in such places.
Smoking in restaurants is a general custom.The rules of the house govern this.
All fees to the waiters should be paid by the one who pays the bills. If a woman is paying her own bill when with a man, it is in order for her to fee the waiter.
RIBBONS AT CHURCH WEDDINGS. One way of distinguishing the pews reserved for the family, relatives, and dearest friends of both families is the placing of white ribbons at the dividing pews. Before the arrival of the bride, the ushers, in pairs, at the same time, untie these ribbons, and stretch them along the outside of these pews, and thus enclose the guests and bar further intrusion.
If these ribbons are used, it is a good plan to enclose in the wedding invitation a card giving number of pew.
The advantage of not using ribbons is the avoidance of any possible discrimination.
RICE AT WEDDINGS. The throwing of rice is to be discouraged; but if it is to be done, the maid of honor should prepare packages of rice and hand them to the guests, who throw it after the bridal couple as they leave the house for their wedding trip.
MEN. When riding with a woman, a man should always assist her both to mount and to alight, even if a groom is present.
It is customary for the woman to set the pace, and for the man, who always rides on her right, to accommodate himself to her— trotting, galloping, or walking his horse as she may do.
He should always be ready to open all gates for her, and to do all things that will make the riding pleasant for her. If at a fox-hunt, this would mean that he must be ready to sacrifice much of his personal pleasure that she may enjoy herself.
DRESS. There is a perfectly well-accepted dress for men who ride in the park, though it is open to elderly men to wear clothes less pronounced.
The correct dress is full riding-breeches, close-fitting at the knee, leggings, a high-buttoned waistcoat, and a coat with the conventional short cutaway tails. The hat is an alpine or a derby, and the tie the regulation stock. These, with riding-gloves and a riding-crop, constitute the regular riding-dress for a young man.
A man should always consult his tailor, that the dress in all its details may be strictly up to date.
WOMEN—DRESS. There is a well-prescribed riding-dress for women as for men. The habit of dark material, with skirt falling just over the feet when in the saddle, and the close-fitting waist, with long or short tails, together with the white collar and black or white tie, constitute the regulation dress. The derby hat is smaller than formerly. Gloves of a dark color and a crop with a bone handle are always in place. Any jewelry, save that which is absolutely necessary, should be shunned.
In summer it is permissible to modify this costume.
As in the case of a man, a woman should consult a tailor of good practical experience, that her costume may be in the correct style.
RING, ENGAGEMENT. See ENGAGEMENT RING.
RING, WEDDING. See WEDDING RING.
RISING FROM THE TABLE. The signal to leave the table is always given by the women, and the men rise to let the women pass. At a formal dinner the signal is given by the hostess.
SALT is best taken up with the tip of the knife.
SALTED NUTS are eaten with the fingers.
SEAT OF HONOR is at the right of the host.
SECOND HELPING. At formal dinner parties, luncheons, and breakfasts, second helpings are never offered by the host or hostess, and should not be asked for by the guests. This is only permissible at a small dinner party or at the daily family meal.
Of course, this does not apply to a second glass of water, for which the guest asks, or for wine. It is the duty of the waiter to see that the guest is constantly supplied.
SECOND MARRIAGES. See WIDOWS—WEDDINGS.
SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE. See AGRICULTURE, SECRETARY OF.
SECRETARY OF COMMERCE. See COMMERCE, SECRETARY OF.
SECRETARY OF STATE. See STATE, SECRETARY OF.
SECRETARY OF TREASURY. See TREASURY, SECRETARY OF.
SEEDS should be removed from the mouth with theaid of a fork, or dropped into the half-closedhand.
SENATOR—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor toremain your most obedient servant.
A social letter begins: My dear SenatorWilson, and ends: Believe me, most sincerelyyours.
The address on the envelope is: SenatorJohn J. Wilson, or, To the Hon. John J.Wilson.
SERVANTS-TIPPING. It is customary for guests leaving a house after a visit to tip the servants, unless positively requested by the hostess not to do so. The average tip would be one dollar, with more for extra attention.
DANCES. It is not customary to shake hands at formal dances.
HOST AND HOSTESS. The host and the hostess should shake hands with each guest as they arrive.
If guest takes leave of host and hostess, they should shake hands. If they are surrounded by guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.
MEN. At a wedding, the opera, or a dance, and all very formal occasions, gloves should not be removed when shaking hands.
If the hostess wears gloves at any formal affair, a man wears his when he shakes hands with her. He should give a slight pressure only.
A man with hands gloved should never shake hands with a woman without an apology for so doing, unless she likewise wears gloves. A sudden meeting, etc., may make a handshaking in gloves unavoidable. Unless the other party is gloved, a man should apologize.
When men are introduced to men, they always shake hands. It is bad form to crush the hand when shaking it.
When introduced to a woman, men should bow, but not offer to shake hands.
CALLS. If the woman is seated when a man enters the room, she rises to greet him, and, if she wishes, shakes hands. She has the option to shake hands or not, and should make the first advances. It is bad form for him to do so.
WOMEN. Upon introduction, a woman may shake hands with either men or women, but a slight inclination of the body, a pleasant smile, and an appropriate remark are more correct.
A young girl, upon being introduced to an older woman, should await the action of the elder, who will shake hands if kindly disposed.
If one person extends the hand, it should be accepted without the slightest hesitation, to avoid embarrassment.
SIGNING LETTERS. See ADDRESSING AND SIGNING LETTERS.
SILK WEDDINGS. This is the name of the forty-fifth wedding anniversary, and is now seldom observed. If it is, any article of silk would be appropriate as a gift, and congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitations. The invitations may have the words: No presents received. An entertainment usually follows.
SILVER WEDDINGS. After twenty-five years of married life, the silver wedding may be celebrated. On the invitations sent out may be engraved the words: No presents received.
Congratulations may be extended in acceptingor declining the invitation. Any articleof silver is appropriate as a gift. An entertainmentfollows.
At a silver wedding the invitations may beappropriately engraved in a silver-gray color,and the decorations are usually of the samecolor.
SLIPPERS-THROWING AT WEDDINGS. The throwing of slippers after the bridal couple on their leaving the house for their wedding trip is in poor taste.
SMOKING. At a dinner when the women rise, the men also rise and remain standing until the former leave the room, when cigars and coffee are served. Sometimes the men accompany the women to the drawing-room, bow, and then return to the dining-room for the coffee and cigars, where they remain about half an hour.
Smoking in restaurants is a general custom, but the rules of the house govern it. Theatres provide rooms for it, hence it should be limited to them.
There should be no smoking at afternoon entertainments, unless the men are requested to do so by the host and hostess.
At balls a room for smoking is generally provided. Smoking is not in good taste if a man is going to dance, as the odor of tobacco clings to the clothing. There should be no smoking in the dressing-rooms.
Smoking a pipe in the street is becoming more common. It is poor taste, however, on a fashionable street. At best, any smoking in the street is bad form.
Expectorating on the pavement is a mostreprehensible habit. If it must be done, aman should step to the curb and expectoratein the street.
DANCES. Smoking should not be allowed in the dressing-room, but a special room should be provided. Men who dance should not smoke until leaving the house.
IN PRESENCE OF WOMEN. Smoking in the street while walking with a woman should never be indulged in, although she seemingly is agreeable to it. If a man is smoking, and he stops to speak to a woman, he should throw away his cigar or cigarette.
A man should not smoke in the presence of women unless bidden by them to do so. Few women care to say that it is disagreeable when asked, hence the better course is to await permission.
WOMEN. If a woman has true regard for herself, she should not indulge in smoking; if she does, it should be in absolute privacy.
BALLS. A son should do all in his power to make the ball a success by finding partners for the women having none, seeing that the men are introduced to the women, and taking in to supper a woman without an escort.
CARDS. When a mother is calling, she can leave cards of her son for the host and hostess if it is impossible for him to do so himself.
A son entering society can have his cardsleft by his mother for a host and hostess.Invitations to entertainments will follow.
SON (YOUNGER) OF DUKE-HOW ADDRESSED. An officialletter begins: My Lord, and ends: I havethe honor to remain your Lordship's obedientservant.
The address on the envelope is: To theRight Honorable the Lord John J. Kent.
A social letter begins: My dear Lord JohnJ. Kent, and ends: Believe me, my dear LordJohn, faithfully yours.
The address is: To the Lord John J. Kent.
SON (YOUNGER) OF EARL-HOW ADDRESSED, An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your obedient servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerelyyours.
The address on the envelope is: To theHonorable John Wilson.
SON (YOUNGER) OF MARQUIS—HOW ADDRESSED. Anofficial letter begins: My Lord, and ends: Ihave the honor to remain your Lordship's obedientservant.
The address on the envelope is: To theRight Honorable the Lord John J. Kent.
A social letter begins: My dear Lord JohnJ. Kent, and ends: Believe me, my dear LordKent, faithfully yours.
The address is: To the Lord John J. Kent,
SON (YOUNGER) OF VISCOUNT-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your obedient servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerelyyours.
The address on the envelope is: To theHonorable John Wilson.
SOUP should be taken from the side of the spoon without noise and without the plate being tipped. Men with mustaches are privileged in this respect, and may take the soup from the end of the spoon.
BRIDESMAIDS. These are given by the bride to her bridesmaids a few days before the wedding, and take the form of fans or jewelry of some kind that may be worn at the wedding.
A good time to present them is when the bride gives a farewell dinner or luncheon to her bridesmaids.
Failing this, they may be sent a few daysbefore the wedding.
The souvenirs should, of course, be all thesame in value and in style.
USHERS. The souvenirs given by the groom to the ushers usually take the form of scarf-pins or cuff-buttons. Sometimes the groom also gives the ushers neckties and gloves.
A good time for their distribution is at the farewell bachelor dinner.
SPONSORS. Only relatives and near friends should be asked to act as sponsors at a christening. Two women and one man are asked as sponsors for a girl, and one woman and two men for a boy, though one man and one woman are sufficient in either case.
These may be invited by note or personal call to act as sponsors, and should answer by note or personal call.
A few days before the ceremony the sponsor should send a christening gift addressed to the child, and the giver's card, with a suitable sentiment written on it, should be sent with the gift.
A man may give some article of silver, and, if a wealthy relative, a bank-book for money deposited in the child's name.
A woman may present the child with a garment, a carriage, a cradle, or some similar article.
It is in good taste for the sponsors to call immediately on the parents, to send flowers to the mother, and to show that they are pleased with the compliment.
The godfather at the ceremony assents to the vows, and later, at the drinking of the wine, should propose both the health of the child and that of its mother.
SPOON. The spoon should never be in the cup whiledrinking, but should be left in the saucer.It is used in eating grapefruit, fruit salads,small and large fruit (when served withcream), puddings, jellies, porridges, preserves,and boiled eggs.
SR, The letters SR. (abbreviation for Senior) aresometimes added to a woman's name on hercard when her son has the same name ashis father, and it is necessary to distinguishbetween the cards of the daughter-in-law andthe mother-in-law.
If both become widows, and yet wish to retain their husbands' Christian names, the daughter-in-law would add Jr. on her cards.
STAG PARTIES. A party composed of men exclusively is sometimes so designated. They are usually informal in character, but may be as elaborate in detail as desired.
DRESS. The Tuxedo coat and black tie is worn, unless at a formal stag party, when evening dress is appropriate.
STATE, SECRETARY OF-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.
A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,and ends: I have the honor to remain mostsincerely yours.
The address on the envelope is: Hon. JohnJ. Wilson, Secretary of State.
MEN. The variations from plainness and quietness in the use of stationery that are permitted women are denied to men. Their paper is never perfumed, and all fancy styles are in poor taste.
For his social correspondence a man should use white or gray linen or bank-note unruled paper, folding once in the envelope.
He may, of course, use for social correspondencehis club stationery.
Under no circumstances should he use hisbusiness stationery for social correspondence.
WOMEN. Unruled plain white or gray paper, that folds once in the envelope, and black ink, are the standard materials for social correspondence.
While it is permissible to use some of the latest fancy stationery, care should be taken that it is quiet in taste, and that all merely temporary variations are avoided.
While it is better not to use perfumed paper, if any perfume is used it should be extremely delicate.
Elderly women are apt to favor Irish linenor similar stationery.
STRANGERS-INVITATIONS TO A BALL ASKED FOR BY FRIENDS.See BALLS-INVITATIONS ASKED FOR STRANGERS.
MEN. The old custom of a man giving up his seat in a street-car to a woman is being gradually done away with. This is due largely to the fact that women are now so extensively engaged in commercial business that they are constant riders at the busy hours, end thus come into direct competition with men.
A well-bred man, however, will show his manliness by giving any woman his seat and standing himself, as she is less fitted for such hardships and annoyances. A man should always give his seat to an elderly woman, one accompanied with children, or one apparently weak and sickly. In giving his seat to a woman, a man should politely bow and raise his hat.
It is good form for a man to assist a woman getting on or off a car. If a man is accompanied by a woman when she leaves the car, he should help her off the car.
A man should always be polite and courteous toward a conductor, as the latter's position is a hard and trying one.
A man should never cross his legs or keep his feet extended in the passageway.
If a man finds it necessary to crowd into a car already full, he should do so with consideration and politeness, and with an apology for pressing against any one. It is better to stand than to crowd yourself into a small space between those who are seated.
EXPENSES. A man traveling with another man can pay the latter's fare if he wishes. But if he is accompanied by a woman he should pay her fare. If he is in the car, and other acquaintances, men or women, enter, they should pay their own fares.
WOMEN. A woman should not look with a pained and injured air at the men passengers because no one of them has offered her a seat. The great influx of women into the commercial world, and their being thrown into direct competition with men, has largely done away with the fine old custom of men giving up their seats to women. The impoliteness of many women in accepting a seat as a matter of right and not of courtesy, and perhaps without a "Thank you," has helped largely to bring about the present state of affairs. No woman of ordinary good manners should fail to express her thanks for the courtesy proffered. If a woman is offered a seat she should accept it at once-without urging.
A man may assist a woman in getting off a car. If a woman is accompanied by a man and she leaves the car, he should assist her to alight.
A woman should wait till a car absolutely stops before she gets on or off, and she should face the front when leaving the car.
If possible, a woman should have her car-fare handy or easy of access-preferably in her hand-before entering the car if it is crowded. A woman should avoid crowding into a small space between others, and it is better for her to stand than to occupy barely the edge of a seat. If it is absolutely necessary for her to enter a crowded car, she should do so with an apology to those whom she may crowd.
CONDUCTOR. A conductor occupies a difficult and trying position, and will always appreciate any courtesy shown him by a woman. If a woman desires a transfer, she should let him know in ample time; if she wants any information from him, she should ask him when paying her fare, and should indicate her desire to leave the car at least a block ahead of her street. A woman should not trust to a conductor to remember her street, even if she has asked him, but should look out for the street herself.
EXPENSES. If a woman is in a car and a man joins her, and the fare is not yet collected, she should pay her own fare. But if she is traveling with an escort she should not offer to pay her fare, as her escort pays the expenses.
MEN. If a man is passed on the street without any recognition by an acquaintance, he should hesitate before accepting it as a direct cut, as it may have been an oversight. If it is repeated, he will know its full meaning.
To pass a person whom one knows and to look straight at him without recognition is the rudest way of dropping an acquaintance.
A man should avoid loud and boisterous behavior.
If a man is compelled to force his way through a crowded street, he should do so courteously and with an apology to any one inconvenienced by his act.
In walking three or four abreast, menshould be careful not to obstruct the thoroughfare,but should quickly fall into singlefile when necessary.
A man should greet his acquaintances on the street quietly and courteously, and if on a crowded street, should step out of the way of persons and be brief in his remarks.
In all public places and conveyances a man should offer his seat to a woman, though he is not expected to do so when reserved seats can be obtained—as, in a theatre, at an opera, etc.
ACCIDENTS. In case of accident or danger a man should protect the woman whom he escorts, and take her to a place of safety. If her clothing is torn, or she has met with some accident of which she is unaware, a man may, if he desires, politely raise his hat and call her attention to the fact. If by accident a man jostles a woman or steps upon her dress, he should raise his hat, bow, and apologize, whether he knows her or not.
BOWING. A man should not bow to a woman until she has first recognized him, unless they are old acquaintances.
A man should acknowledge the salutation of a woman on the street, even if he does not know her, as it saves her from embarrassment at her mistake.
When bidding farewell to a woman after a conversation on the street, a man should bow and raise his hat.
If a man offers his seat to a woman in a car or other conveyance, he should raise his hat and bow, while her escort acknowledges the courtesy by doing the same.
When a man opens a door for a woman unknown to him, he should bow, while she enters in advance of him.
A man should raise his hat and bow on all occasions when offering any courtesy to a woman, whether stranger or acquaintance.
A man may bow to an elderly man or person of official position.
A man may offer his services to a woman in crossing a crowded thoroughfare, and should raise his hat and bow when she is safely over, but should, make no comment unless she does so first. He may also offer her assistance in getting on or off a car, raising his hat and bowing without remark.
If a man is accompanied by a woman and another man extends a courtesy to her, he should acknowledge it by bowing and giving a polite "Thank you."
If when walking with a man a woman meets a male acquaintance who bows, her escort should raise his hat and bow, though the two men are strangers to each other. If the escort meets a man known to him, both men should raise their hats and bow.
CANES AND UMBRELLAS. These should be carried vertically, never horizontally, thereby endangering other persons' eyes. Especially is this important when entering cars or going up long flights of steps-as, the stairs of the elevated railroad.
CONVERSATION. A man who meets a woman, and desires to engage in conversation with her, should ask permission to accompany her. If this is granted, he may proceed a short distance, unless requested to go farther.
When meeting a woman on the street and stopping to converse with her, a man should raise his hat and replace it, as it is not now in good form for a man to remain bareheaded until requested by the woman to replace his hat.
A man should avoid stopping a woman on the street to engage her in conversation.
Only an intimate acquaintance with a woman warrants a man joining her on the street. If it is not agreeable, it may be very embarrassing to her.
SMOKING. A man should never smoke while walking with a woman on a street. Smoking on fashionable thoroughfares is bad form.
A man should avoid expectorating upon a sidewalk, and, if it must be done, should walk to the curb and use the street for that purpose.
WALKING. A man should not walk between two women, but at the side nearest the curb.
When walking with a woman, a man should walk near the curb, unless passing an obstruction-as, a building in course of construction-when she should have the outer side to protect her from harm, or from coming in contact with disagreeable things.
A man should offer his right arm to a woman, but this is rarely necessary in the daytime. It is essential, however, and proper for him to do so after dark.
WOMEN. Conduct on the street should always be reserved. It is bad form to loudly laugh or to boldly glance at the passers-by, especially men.
Women should never walk three or four abreast.
Women may salute each other with a bow and a handshake, but a kiss in public is no longer in good form.
During a promenade, where friends passand repass, it is not necessary to exchangegreetings to each other.
A polite "Thank you," with a bow and a smile, should be the reward of any man extending a courtesy to a woman.
BOWING. It is the woman's privilege to determine whom she will publicly recognize, and therefore she should bow first to all men whom she desires to favor. This formality is, however, unnecessary with intimate friends.
UMBRELLAS. These should be carried vertically, and never horizontally under the arm.
WALKING. If a woman is walking with a man, and another man stops to speak, it would be in exceeding bad taste to ask him to join her.
A woman should take a man's right arm, but only after dark, unless for some special reason-as, weakness, etc.-it is necessary.
If a woman is walking alone, and a man of her acquaintance stops and speaks, he may ask permission to accompany her farther, which, if agreeable, should be granted. She may stop for a few moments' chat, and shake hands if she wishes. If he stands before her with uncovered head, she should promptly ask him to replace his hat. She should not block the thoroughfare, and should take the initiative if he does not step to one side. If agreeable, an invitation may be extended to him to walk a short distance.
SUBSCRIPTION BALLS.MEN. Shortly after receiving an invitation to asubscription ball, a man should leave a cardfor the patroness inviting him.
INVITATIONS. In addition to the regular invitations, it is customary to guard against the admission of persons not really invited by the use of vouchers to be shown at the hall door, or some similar precaution is taken.
When a subscriber sends an invitation and a voucher, he should send in the same envelope one of his calling cards.
SUNDAY CALLS. Informal calls may be made on Sunday after three o'clock by business and professional men, provided there are no religious or other scruples on the part of those receiving the calls.
Men should wear afternoon dress.
SUPPERS GIVEN BY MEN—WOMEN. A young woman may accept a man's invitation, provided she has the consent of her mother or guardian, and is assured that a chaperone will be present.
SUPPERS—MEN. Suppers are generally for men. The hours are from ten to eleven. A man can give such entertainments in bachelor apartments or restaurant, and if women are invited, chaperones should be present.
The invitations may be given personally, written, or a visiting-card may be used, giving hour and date. If the supper is given in honor of a special guest, engraved cards or note sheets are used.
Suppers may be of various kinds—such asFish, Game, Wine, Champagne.
SUPPERS AND THEATRE PARTIES.MEN. A man should not invite a young womanto a theatre party or supper without invitingher mother or a chaperone to accompanythem. At large theatre parties or suppers,when there are ten or more guests, severalchaperones should be invited. Any marriedor elderly unmarried woman can act aschaperone, care being taken that they arewell-known and agreeable to all, as much of thepleasure of the evening depends upon them.CARRIAGES. A conveyance holding a large partycan be sent to take invited guests to theentertainment. The chaperone should becalled for first, and should be the last one tobe left at home upon returning. The chaperonesmay use their own carriages and callfor guests if they desire. If the chaperonescall for the guests, the men can be met at theplace of amusement. Conveyances shouldbe provided for guests.
SUPPERS GIVEN BY BACHELORS.See BACHELORS' SUPPERS.
TABLE ETIQUETTE. It is correct to take a little of all that is offered, though one may not care for it. Bend slightly over the plate when carrying the food to the mouth, resuming upright position afterward.
When drinking from a cup or glass, raise it gracefully to the mouth and sip the contents. Do not empty the vessel at one draught.
Guests should not amuse themselves by handling knife or fork, crumbling bread, or leaning their arms on the table. They should sit back in their chairs and assume an easy position.
A guest at a dinner should not pass a plate or any article to another guest, or serve the viands, unless asked to do so by the hostess.
Upon leaving the table, push the chair back far enough to be out of the way of others.
ACCIDENTS. Accidents, or anything that may be amiss at the table, should be unobserved by a guest unless he is the cause of it. In that event some pleasant remark as to his awkwardness should be made and no more. The waiter should attend to the matter at once.
If a fork or a spoon is dropped it should not be picked up by the guest, but another used, or ask the waiter to provide one.
CONVERSATION. Aim at bright and general conversation, avoiding all personalities and any subject that all cannot join in. This is largely determined by the character of the company. The guests should accommodate themselves to their surroundings.
See also FINGER-BOWL, KNIFE AND FORK,SECOND HELPING, SEEDS, SPOON, TOOTHPICKS,WINES, and names of individual fruits andfoods—as, APPLES, BREAD, etc.
TALKING—THEATRES. Conversation during the progress of the play or the opera should be avoided and confined to the intermissions. The theatregoer should avoid all noise, gestures, or actions that would annoy others.
A man would be justified, when annoyed by a person talking loud near him, in asking him politely to speak lower.
Invitations. These need no acknowledgment.
Given by bachelors.See BACHELORS' TEAS.
Afternoon.See AFTERNOON TEAS.
High.See HIGH TEA.
TELEPHONE INVITATIONS. Telephone invitations should be sent only to those with whom the utmost intimacy exists, and who will pardon the informality.
THEATRE. A young man may invite a young woman to the theatre or opera, even if he has but a slight acquaintance with her, but of course he should secure the permission of her parents or chaperone.
It is correct for the young man to inquire if the young woman prefers a box, or, if not, he should state in what part of the house he proposes to secure seats. This will enable her to determine how to dress.
If the young woman wears street toilette, her escort may take her in any public conveyance, but if she wears evening dress, he should provide a carriage.
At the theatre he should precede the woman down the aisle to the seat or box; but if it is the latter, he should open the door and wait for her to pass.
A man may use his judgment as to the aisle seat. If a better view can be had, or seemingly objectionable people are next the inside seat, it is perfectly proper to give the woman the aisle seat.
A man should never leave his companion between the acts. The custom of both men and women going into the foyer at that time is a growing one, and is a relief to the audience.
Refreshments at some fashionable place may follow after the entertainment.
For a man to call on an acquaintance in an opera box does not relieve one of the duty of making a formal call in return for social favors.
BONNET. A woman of any consideration will either wear no bonnet at all or remove it as soon as the curtain is raised.
It would be in place for a man or woman whose view is hampered by a bonnet to politely ask the wearer to remove it, and when it is done, to thank her.
MEN—LEAVING CARDS. After a theatre party given by a man, he should call within three days on the woman he escorted or leave his card.
PRECEDENCE. In entering a theatre a man precedes the women of his party, but after he has handed his coupons to the ushers he gives the women precedence, and follows them to their seats.
TALKING. Conversation during the progress of the play or the opera should be avoided, and confined to the intermissions.
The theatregoer should avoid all noise,gestures, or actions tending to annoy othersor to render himself conspicuous.
A man would be justified, when annoyed by a person talking loud near him, in asking him politely to speak lower.
GIVEN BY MEN. A man giving a theatre or opera party should secure one or more chaperones if women are to be present.
CALLS. The host should call upon his guests within three days or a week after the event.
CARRIAGES. The host may, if he choose, send carriages or a stage to collect all the guests. This is a formal and agreeable way to begin the evening's pleasure. The chaperone should be called for first. A more informal way is quite popular. The invitations having been given and accepted, the host informs each of his guests as to the others, and leaves a ticket with each one. All then meet informally at the place of amusement. If a dinner is given before the entertainment, carriages are provided to convey the guests to the theatre.
CHAPERONE. A chaperone should always be present if women are to be members of the party. And if a stage or carriage calls for the guests, it should call first for the chaperone.
The chaperone who acts as hostess should decide the hour to close the festivities.
DINNERS. If a dinner is given before the performance, it is generally given at six o'clock, the usual customs being followed. If preferred, the dinner may follow the performance, and may be given at any fashionable restaurant or hotel. If it is given before the play, at its termination the guests are conveyed in carriages or stage to the theatre at the expense of the host.
After the entertainment it is a good plan for the party to return to the banqueting-room to partake of slight refreshments.
DRESS. Men wear evening dress. Women wear full evening dress.
INVITATIONS. He may invite his guests in personor by note. In either case he should securethe parents' permission to allow theyoung women to attend, and should be readyto supply all information regarding the menwho will be present, and also the chaperones.
MEN. The escorts should see the women homeunless they are called for by the male membersof their families, in which case they maybe accompanied to their conveyances. If ayoung woman is called for by her maid in acarriage, her escort may take her home.
Intimacy of the parties largely regulates the etiquette of such occasions. They can decide whether evening or street dress shall be worn, and seat themselves accordingly. A carriage should be provided.
When entering an opera or theatre box for a short call, a man should stand and bow, making some pleasant remark to the chaperone. If there is an empty chair, he may sit and talk a few minutes and retire as others enter.
WOMEN. Between the acts it is perfectly proper to go into the foyer with the escort, who should carry the woman's wraps and see that all her wants are attended to. Should she desire anything, she should call on him first.
The hat or bonnet should be removed.
In a box the women occupy the front row while the men sit or stand in the rear.
A woman should avoid conspicuous manners, loud conversation, laughing, or acting in any way to attract attention.
GIVEN BY WOMEN. This is a popular form of entertainment during the season. They are given by married women, and the guests are invited by note. A dinner is given at the house or at a restaurant before the departure for the opera or play. Refreshments may also be given after the entertainment at either the house or restaurant. At the dinner the same ceremonies are followed as to arrangements of guests and escorts as at any formal dinner.