The Project Gutenberg eBook ofThe CloudsThis ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online atwww.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.Title: The CloudsAuthor: AristophanesTranslator: W. J. HickieRelease date: March 1, 2001 [eBook #2562]Most recently updated: January 24, 2013Language: EnglishCredits: Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer, and David Widger*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CLOUDS ***
This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online atwww.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.
Title: The CloudsAuthor: AristophanesTranslator: W. J. HickieRelease date: March 1, 2001 [eBook #2562]Most recently updated: January 24, 2013Language: EnglishCredits: Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer, and David Widger
Title: The Clouds
Author: AristophanesTranslator: W. J. Hickie
Author: Aristophanes
Translator: W. J. Hickie
Release date: March 1, 2001 [eBook #2562]Most recently updated: January 24, 2013
Language: English
Credits: Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer, and David Widger
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CLOUDS ***
* All Greek from the original edition has been transliterated into Roman characters.
StrepsiadesPhidippidesServant of StrepsiadesDisciples of SocratesSocratesChorus of CloudsJust CauseUnjust CausePasiasAmyniasWitnessChaerephon
Scene: The interior of a sleeping-apartment:Strepsiades, Phidippides, and two servants are in theirbeds; a small house is seen at a distance. Time:midnight.Strepsiades (sitting up in his bed). Ah me! Ah me! OKing Jupiter, of what a terrible length the nights are!Will it never be day? And yet long since I heard thecock. My domestics are snoring; but they would not havedone so heretofore! May you perish then, O war! For manyreasons; because I may not even punish my domestics.Neither does this excellent youth awake through thenight; but takes his ease, wrapped up in five blankets.Well, if it is the fashion, let us snore wrapped up.
[Lies down, and then almost immediately starts upagain.]But I am not able, miserable man, to sleep, beingtormented by my expenses, and my stud of horses, and mydebts, through this son of mine. He with his long hair,is riding horses and driving curricles, and dreaming ofhorses; while I am driven to distraction, as I see themoon bringing on the twentieths; for the interest isrunning on. Boy! Light a lamp, and bring forth mytablets, that I may take them and read to how many I amindebted, and calculate the interest.[Enter boy with a light and tablets.]Come, let me see; what do I owe? Twelve minae toPasias. Why twelve minae to Pasias? Why did I borrowthem? When I bought the blood-horse. Ah me, unhappy!Would that it had had its eye knocked out with a stonefirst!Phidippides (talking in his sleep). You are actingunfairly, Philo! Drive on your own course.Strep. This is the bane that has destroyed me; for evenin his sleep he dreams about horsemanship.Phid. How many courses will the war-chariots run?Strep. Many courses do you drive me, your father. Butwhat debt came upon me after Pasias? Three minae toAmynias for a little chariot and pair of wheels.Phid. Lead the horse home, after having given him a goodrolling.Strep. O foolish youth, you have rolled me out of mypossessions; since I have been cast in suits, and otherssay that they will have surety given them for theinterest.Phid. (awakening) Pray, father, why are you peevish, andtoss about the whole night?Strep. A bailiff out of the bedclothes is bitingme.Phid. Suffer me, good sir, to sleep a little.Strep. Then, do you sleep on; but know that all thesedebts will turn on your head.[Phidippides falls asleep again.]Alas! Would that the match-maker had perished miserably,who induced me to marry your mother. For a country lifeused to be most agreeable to me, dirty, untrimmed,reclining at random, abounding in bees, and sheep, andoil-cake. Then I, a rustic, married a niece of Megacles,the son of Megacles, from the city, haughty, luxurious,and Coesyrafied. When I married her, I lay with herredolent of new wine, of the cheese-crate, and abundanceof wool; but she, on the contrary, of ointment, saffron,wanton-kisses, extravagance, gluttony, and of Colias andGenetyllis. I will not indeed say that she was idle;but she wove. And I used to show her this cloak by wayof a pretext and say "Wife, you weave at a greatrate."Servant re-enters.Servant. We have no oil in the lamp.Strep. Ah me! Why did you light the thirsty lamp? Comehither that you may weep!Ser. For what, pray, shall I weep?Strep. Because you put in one of the thick wicks.[Servant runs out]After this, when this son was born to us, to me,forsooth, and to my excellent wife, we squabbled thenabout the name: for she was for adding hippos to thename, Xanthippus, or Charippus, or Callipides; but I wasfor giving him the name of his grandfather, Phidonides.For a time therefore we disputed; and then at length weagreed, and called him Phidippides. She used to takethis son and fondle him, saying, "When you, being grownup, shall drive your chariot to the city, like Megacles,with a xystis." But I used to say, "Nay, rather, whendressed in a leathern jerkin, you shall drive goats fromPhelleus, like your father." He paid no attention to mywords, but poured a horse-fever over my property. Now,therefore, by meditating the whole night, I havediscovered one path for my course extraordinarilyexcellent; to which if I persuade this youth I shall besaved. But first I wish to awake him. How then can Iawake him in the most agreeable manner? How?Phidippides, my little Phidippides?Phid. What, father?Strep. Kiss me, and give me your right hand!Phid. There. What's the matter?Strep. Tell me, do you love me?Phid. Yes, by this Equestrian Neptune.Strep. Nay, do not by any means mention this Equestrianto me, for this god is the author of my misfortunes.But, if you really love me from your heart, my son, obeyme.Phid. In what then, pray, shall I obey you?Strep. Reform your habits as quickly as possible, and goand learn what I advise.Phid. Tell me now, what do you prescribe?Strep. And will you obey me at all?Phid. By Bacchus, I will obey you.Strep. Look this way then! Do you see this little doorand little house?Phid. I see it. What then, pray, is this, father?Strep. This is a thinking-shop of wise spirits. Theredwell men who in speaking of the heavens persuade peoplethat it is an oven, and that it encompasses us, and thatwe are the embers. These men teach, if one give themmoney, to conquer in speaking, right or wrong.Phid. Who are they?Strep. I do not know the name accurately. They areminute philosophers, noble and excellent.Phid. Bah! They are rogues; I know them. You mean thequacks, the pale-faced wretches, the bare-footedfellows, of whose numbers are the miserable Socrates andChaerephon.Strep. Hold! Hold! Be silent! Do not say anythingfoolish. But, if you have any concern for your father'spatrimony, become one of them, having given up yourhorsemanship.Phid. I would not, by Bacchus, even if you were to giveme the pheasants which Leogoras rears!Strep. Go, I entreat you, dearest of men, go and betaught.Phid. Why, what shall I learn?Strep. They say that among them are both the twocauses—the better cause, whichever that is, and theworse: they say that the one of these two causes, theworse, prevails, though it speaks on the unjust side.If, therefore you learn for me this unjust cause, Iwould not pay any one, not even an obolus of thesedebts, which I owe at present on your account.Phid. I can not comply; for I should not dare to lookupon the knights, having lost all my colour.Strep. Then, by Ceres, you shall not eat any of mygood! Neither you, nor your blood-horse; but I willdrive you out of my house to the crows.Phid. My uncle Megacles will not permit me to be withouta horse. But I'll go in, and pay no heed to you.[Exit Phidippides.]Strep. Though fallen, still I will not lie prostrate:but having prayed to the gods, I will go myself to thethinking-shop and get taught. How, then, being an oldman, shall I learn the subtleties of refineddisquisitions? I must go. Why thus do I loiter and notknock at the door?[Knocks at the door.]Boy! Little boy!Disciple (from within). Go to the devil! Who it is thatknocked at the door?Strep. Strepsiades, the son of Phidon, of Cicynna.Dis. You are a stupid fellow, by Jove! who have kickedagainst the door so very carelessly, and have caused themiscarriage of an idea which I had conceived.Strep. Pardon me; for I dwell afar in the country. Buttell me the thing which has been made to miscarry.Dis. It is not lawful to mention it, except todisciples.Strep. Tell it, then, to me without fear; for I here amcome as a disciple to the thinking-shop.Dis. I will tell you; but you must regard these asmysteries. Socrates lately asked Chaerephon about aflea, how many of its own feet it jumped; for afterhaving bit the eyebrow of Chaerephon, it leaped awayonto the head of Socrates.Strep. How then did he measure this?Dis. Most cleverly. He melted some wax; and then tookthe flea and dipped its feet in the wax; and then a pairof Persian slippers stuck to it when cooled. Havinggently loosened these, he measured back the distance.Strep. O King Jupiter! What subtlety of thought!Dis. What then would you say if you heard anothercontrivance of Socrates?Strep. Of what kind? Tell me, I beseech you!Dis. Chaerephon the Sphettian asked him whether hethought gnats buzzed through the mouth or the breech.Strep. What, then, did he say about the gnat?Dis. He said the intestine of the gnat was narrow andthat the wind went forcibly through it, being slender,straight to the breech; and then that the rump, beinghollow where it is adjacent to the narrow part,resounded through the violence of the wind.Strep. The rump of the gnats then is a trumpet! Oh,thrice happy he for his sharp-sightedness! Surely adefendant might easily get acquitted who understands theintestine of the gnat.Dis. But he was lately deprived of a great idea by alizard.Strep. In what way? Tell me.Dis. As he was investigating the courses of the moon andher revolutions, then as he was gaping upward a lizardin the darkness dropped upon him from the roof.Strep. I am amused at a lizard's having dropped onSocrates.Dis. Yesterday evening there was no supper for us.Strep. Well. What then did he contrive for provisions?Dis. He sprinkled fine ashes on the table, and bent alittle spit, and then took it as a pair of compasses andfilched a cloak from the Palaestra.Strep. Why then do we admire Thales? Open open quicklythe thinking-shop, and show to me Socrates as quickly aspossible. For I desire to be a disciple. Come, open thedoor.[The door of the thinking-shop opens and the pupils ofSocrates are seen all with their heads fixed on theground, while Socrates himself is seen suspended in theair in a basket.]O Hercules, from what country are these wild beasts?Dis. What do you wonder at? To what do they seem to youto be like?Strep. To the Spartans who were taken at Pylos. But whyin the world do these look upon the ground?Dis. They are in search of the things below the earth.Strep. Then they are searching for roots. Do not, then,trouble yourselves about this; for I know where thereare large and fine ones. Why, what are these doing, whoare bent down so much?Dis. These are groping about in darkness under Tartarus.Strep. Why then does their rump look toward heaven?Dis. It is getting taught astronomy alone by itself.[Turning to the pupils.]But go in, lest he meet with us.Strep. Not yet, not yet; but let them remain, that I maycommunicate to them a little matter of my own.Dis. It is not permitted to them to remain without inthe open air for a very long time.[The pupils retire.]Strep. (discovering a variety of mathematicalinstruments) Why, what is this, in the name of heaven?Tell me.Dis. This is Astronomy.Strep. But what is this?Dis. Geometry.Strep. What then is the use of this?Dis. To measure out the land.Strep. What belongs to an allotment?Dis. No, but the whole earth.Strep. You tell me a clever notion; for the contrivanceis democratic and useful.Dis. (pointing to a map) See, here's a map of the wholeearth. Do you see? This is Athens.Strep. What say you? I don't believe you; for I do notsee the Dicasts sitting.Dis. Be assured that this is truly the Attic territory.Strep. Why, where are my fellow-tribesmen of Cicynna?Dis. Here they are. And Euboea here, as you see, isstretched out a long way by the side of it to a greatdistance.Strep. I know that; for it was stretched by us andPericles. But where is Lacedaemon?Dis. Where is it? Here it is.Strep. How near it is to us! Pay great attention tothis, to remove it very far from us.Dis. By Jupiter, it is not possible.Strep. Then you will weep for it.[Looking up and discovering Socrates.]Come, who is this man who is in the basket?Dis. Himself.Strep. Who's "Himself"?Dis. Socrates.Strep. O Socrates! Come, you sir, call upon him loudlyfor me.Dis. Nay, rather, call him yourself; for I have noleisure.[Exit Disciple.]Strep. Socrates! My little Socrates!Socrates. Why callest thou me, thou creature of a day?Strep. First tell me, I beseech you, what are you doing.Soc. I am walking in the air, and speculating about thesun.Strep. And so you look down upon the gods from yourbasket, and not from the earth?Soc. For I should not have rightly discovered thingscelestial if I had not suspended the intellect, andmixed the thought in a subtle form with its kindred air.But if, being on the ground, I speculated from below onthings above, I should never have discovered them. Forthe earth forcibly attracts to itself the meditativemoisture. Water-cresses also suffer the very same thing.Strep. What do you say? Does meditation attract themoisture to the water-cresses? Come then, my littleSocrates, descend to me, that you may teach me thosethings, for the sake of which I have come.[Socrates lowers himself and gets out of the basket.]Soc. And for what did you come?Strep. Wishing to learn to speak; for by reason ofusury, and most ill-natured creditors, I am pillaged andplundered, and have my goods seized for debt.Soc. How did you get in debt without observing it?Strep. A horse-disease consumed me—terrible at eating.But teach me the other one of your two causes, thatwhich pays nothing; and I will swear by the gods, I willpay down to you whatever reward you exact of me.Soc. By what gods will you swear? For, in the firstplace, gods are not a current coin with us.Strep. By what do you swear? By iron money, as inByzantium?Soc. Do you wish to know clearly celestial matters, whatthey rightly are?Strep. Yes, by Jupiter, if it be possible!Soc. And to hold converse with the Clouds, ourdivinities?Strep. By all means.Soc. (with great solemnity). Seat yourself, then, uponthe sacred couch.Strep. Well, I am seated!Soc. Take, then, this chaplet.Strep. For what purpose a chaplet? Ah me! Socrates, seethat you do not sacrifice me like Athamas!Strep. No; we do all these to those who get initiated.Strep. Then what shall I gain, pray?Soc. You shall become in oratory a tricky knave, athorough rattle, a subtle speaker. But keep quiet.Strep. By Jupiter! You will not deceive me; for if I ambesprinkled, I shall become fine flour.Soc. It becomes the old man to speak words of good omen,and to hearken to my prayer. O sovereign King,immeasurable Air, who keepest the earth suspended, andthrough bright Aether, and ye august goddesses, theClouds, sending thunder and lightning, arise, appear inthe air, O mistresses, to your deep thinker!Strep. Not yet, not yet, till I wrap this around me lestI be wet through. To think of my having come from homewithout even a cap, unlucky man!Soc. Come then, ye highly honoured Clouds, for a displayto this man. Whether ye are sitting upon the sacredsnow-covered summits of Olympus, or in the gardens ofFather Ocean form a sacred dance with the Nymphs, ordraw in golden pitchers the streams of the waters of theNile, or inhabit the Maeotic lake, or the snowy rock ofMimas, hearken to our prayer, and receive the sacrifice,and be propitious to the sacred rites.[The following song is heard at a distance, accompaniedby loud claps of thunder.]Chorus. Eternal Clouds! Let us arise to view with ourdewy, clear-bright nature, from loud-sounding FatherOcean to the wood-crowned summits of the loftymountains, in order that we may behold clearly thefar-seen watch-towers, and the fruits, and thefostering, sacred earth, and the rushing sounds of thedivine rivers, and the roaring, loud-sounding sea; forthe unwearied eye of Aether sparkles with glitteringrays. Come, let us shake off the watery cloud from ourimmortal forms and survey the earth with far-seeing eye.Soc. O ye greatly venerable Clouds, ye have clearlyheard me when I called.[Turning to Strepsiades.]Did you hear the voice, and the thunder which bellowedat the same time, feared as a god?Strep. I too worship you, O ye highly honoured, and aminclined to reply to the thundering, so much do Itremble at them and am alarmed. And whether it belawful, or be not lawful, I have a desire just now toease myself.Soc. Don't scoff, nor do what these poor-devil-poets do,but use words of good omen, for a great swarm ofgoddesses is in motion with their songs.Cho. Ye rain-bringing virgins, let us come to thefruitful land of Pallas, to view the much-loved countryof Cecrops, abounding in brave men; where is reverencefor sacred rites not to be divulged; where the housethat receives the initiated is thrown open in holymystic rites; and gifts to the celestial gods; andhigh-roofed temples, and statues; and most sacredprocessions in honour of the blessed gods; andwell-crowned sacrifices to the gods, and feasts, at allseasons; and with the approach of spring the Bacchicfestivity, and the rousings of melodious choruses, andthe loud-sounding music of flutes.Strep. Tell me, O Socrates, I beseech you, by Jupiter,who are these that have uttered this grand song? Arethey some heroines?Soc. By no means; but heavenly Clouds, great divinitiesto idle men; who supply us with thought and argument,and intelligence and humbug, and circumlocution, andability to hoax, and comprehension.Strep. On this account therefore my soul, having heardtheir voice, flutters, and already seeks to discoursesubtilely, and to quibble about smoke, and havingpricked a maxim with a little notion, to refute theopposite argument. So that now I eagerly desire, if byany means it be possible, to see them palpably.Soc. Look, then, hither, toward Mount Parnes; for now Ibehold them descending gently.Strep. Pray where? Show me.Soc. See! There they come in great numbers through thehollows and thickets; there, obliquely.Strep. What's the matter? For I can't see them.Soc. By the entrance.[Enter Chorus]Strep. Now at length with difficulty I just see them.Soc. Now at length you assuredly see them, unless youhave your eyes running pumpkins.Strep. Yes, by Jupiter! O highly honoured Clouds, fornow they cover all things.Soc. Did you not, however, know, nor yet consider, theseto be goddesses?Strep. No, by Jupiter! But I thought them to be mist,and dew, and smoke.Soc. For you do not know, by Jupiter! that these feedvery many sophists, Thurian soothsayers, practisers ofmedicine, lazy-long-haired-onyx-ring-wearers,song-twisters for the cyclic dances, and meteorologicalquacks. They feed idle people who do nothing, becausesuch men celebrate them in verse.Strep. For this reason, then, they introduced into theirverses "the dreadful impetuosity of the moist,whirling-bright clouds"; and the "curls ofhundred-headed Typho"; and the "hard-blowing tempests";and then "aerial, moist"; "crooked-clawed birds,floating in air"; and "the showers of rain from dewyClouds". And then, in return for these, they swallow"slices of great, fine mullets, and bird's-flesh ofthrushes."Soc. Is it not just, however, that they should havetheir reward, on account of these?Strep. Tell me, pray, if they are really clouds, whatails them, that they resemble mortal women? For they arenot such.Soc. Pray, of what nature are they?Strep. I do not clearly know: at any rate they resemblespread-out fleeces, and not women, by Jupiter! Not abit; for these have noses.Soc. Answer, then, whatever I ask you.Strep. Then say quickly what you wish.Soc. Have you ever, when you; looked up, seen a cloudlike to a centaur, or a panther, or a wolf, or a bull?Strep. By Jupiter, have I! But what of that?Soc. They become all things, whatever they please. Andthen if they see a person with long hair, a wild one ofthese hairy fellows, like the son of Xenophantes, inderision of his folly, they liken themselves tocentaurs.Strep. Why, what, if they should see Simon, a plundererof the public property, what do they do?Soc. They suddenly become wolves, showing up hisdisposition.Strep. For this reason, then, for this reason, when theyyesterday saw Cleonymus the recreant, on this accountthey became stags, because they saw this most cowardlyfellow.Soc. And now too, because they saw Clisthenes, youobserve, on this account they became women.Strep. Hail therefore, O mistresses! And now, if ever yedid to any other, to me also utter a voice reaching toheaven, O all-powerful queens.Cho. Hail, O ancient veteran, hunter after learnedspeeches! And thou, O priest of most subtle trifles!Tell us what you require? For we would not hearken toany other of the recent meteorological sophists, exceptto Prodicus; to him, on account of his wisdom andintelligence; and to you, because you walk proudly inthe streets, and cast your eyes askance, and endure manyhardships with bare feet, and in reliance upon uslookest supercilious.Strep. O Earth, what a voice! How holy and dignified andwondrous!Soc. For, in fact, these alone are goddesses; and allthe rest is nonsense.Strep. But come, by the Earth, is not Jupiter, theOlympian, a god?Soc. What Jupiter? Do not trifle. There is no Jupiter.Strep. What do you say? Who rains then? For first of allexplain this to me.Soc. These to be sure. I will teach you it by powerfulevidence. Come, where have you ever seen him raining atany time without Clouds? And yet he ought to rain infine weather, and these be absent.Strep. By Apollo, of a truth you have rightly confirmedthis by your present argument. And yet, before this, Ireally thought that Jupiter caused the rain. But tell mewho is it that thunders. This makes me tremble.Soc. These, as they roll, thunder.Strep. In what way? you all-daring man!Soc. When they are full of much water, and are compelledto be borne along, being necessarily precipitated whenfull of rain, then they fall heavily upon each other andburst and clap.Strep. Who is it that compels them to borne along? Is itnot Jupiter?Soc. By no means, but aethereal Vortex.Strep. Vortex? It had escaped my notice that Jupiter didnot exist, and that Vortex now reigned in his stead. Butyou have taught me nothing as yet concerning the clapand the thunder.Soc. Have you not heard me, that I said that the Clouds,when full of moisture, dash against each other and clapby reason of their density?Strep. Come, how am I to believe this?Soc. I'll teach you from your own case. Were you ever,after being stuffed with broth at the Panathenaicfestival, then disturbed in your belly, and did atumult suddenly rumble through it?Strep. Yes, by Apollo! And immediately the little brothplays the mischief with me, and is disturbed and rumbleslike thunder, and grumbles dreadfully: at first gentlypappax, pappax; and then it adds papa-pappax; andfinally, it thunders downright papapappax, as they do.Soc. Consider, therefore, how you have trumpeted from alittle belly so small; and how is it not probable thatthis air, being boundless, should thunder so loudly?Strep. For this reason, therefore, the two names alsoTrump and Thunder, are similar to each other. But teachme this, whence comes the thunderbolt blazing with fire,and burns us to ashes when it smites us, and singesthose who survive. For indeed Jupiter evidently hurlsthis at the perjured.Soc. Why, how then, you foolish person, and savouring ofthe dark ages and antediluvian, if his manner is tosmite the perjured, does he not blast Simon, andCleonymus, and Theorus? And yet they are very perjured.But he smites his own temple, and Sunium the promontoryof Athens, and the tall oaks. Wherefore, for indeed anoak does not commit perjury.Strep. I do not know; but you seem to speak well. Forwhat, pray, is the thunderbolt?Soc. When a dry wind, having been raised aloft, isinclosed in these Clouds, it inflates them within, likea bladder; and then, of necessity, having burst them, itrushes out with vehemence by reason of its density,setting fire to itself through its rushing andimpetuosity.Strep. By Jupiter, of a truth I once experienced thisexactly at the Diasian festival! I was roasting ahaggis for my kinsfolk, and through neglect I did notcut it open; but it became inflated and then suddenlybursting, befouled my eyes and burned my face.Cho. O mortal, who hast desired great wisdom from us!How happy will you become among the Athenians and amongthe Greeks, if you be possessed of a good memory, and bea deep thinker, and endurance of labour be implanted inyour soul, and you be not wearied either by standing orwalking, nor be exceedingly vexed at shivering withcold, nor long to break your fast, and you refrain fromwine, and gymnastics, and the other follies, andconsider this the highest excellence, as is proper aclever man should, to conquer by action and counsel, andby battling with your tongue.Strep. As far as regards a sturdy spirit, and care thatmakes one's bed uneasy, and a frugal spirit andhard-living and savory-eating belly, be of good courageand don't trouble yourself; I would offer myself tohammer on, for that matter.Soc. Will you not, pray, now believe in no god, exceptwhat we believe in—this Chaos, and the Clouds, and theTongue—these three?Strep. Absolutely I would not even converse with theothers, not even if I met them; nor would I sacrifice tothem, nor make libations, nor offer frankincense.Cho. Tell us then boldly, what we must do for you? Foryou shall not fail in getting it, if you honour andadmire us, and seek to become clever.Strep. O mistresses, I request of you then this verysmall favour, that I be the best of the Greeks inspeaking by a hundred stadia.Cho. Well, you shall have this from us, so thathence-forward from this time no one shall get moreopinions passed in the public assemblies than you.Strep. Grant me not to deliver important opinions; for Ido not desire these, but only to pervert the right formy own advantage, and to evade my creditors.Cho. Then you shall obtain what you desire; for you donot covet great things. But commit yourself without fearto our ministers.Strep. I will do so in reliance upon you, for necessityoppresses me, on account of the blood-horses, and themarriage that ruined me. Now, therefore, let them use meas they please. I give up this body to them to bebeaten, to be hungered, to be troubled with thirst, tobe squalid, to shiver with cold, to flay into a leathernbottle, if I shall escape clear from my debts, andappear to men to be bold, glib of tongue, audacious,impudent, shameless, a fabricator of falsehoods,inventive of words, a practiced knave in lawsuits, alaw-tablet, a thorough rattle, a fox, a sharper, aslippery knave, a dissembler, a slippery fellow, animpostor, a gallows-bird, a blackguard, a twister, atroublesome fellow, a licker-up of hashes. If they callme this, when they meet me, let them do to me absolutelywhat they please. And if they like, by Ceres, let themserve up a sausage out of me to the deep thinkers.Cho. This man has a spirit not void of courage, butprompt. Know, that if you learn these matters from me,you will possess among mortals a glory as high asheaven.Strep. What shall I experience?Cho. You shall pass with me the most enviable of mortallives the whole time.Strep. Shall I then ever see this?Cho. Yea, so that many be always seated at your gates,wishing to communicate with you and come to a conferencewith you, to consult with you as to actions andaffidavits of many talents, as is worthy of yourabilities.[To Socrates.]But attempt to teach the old man by degrees whatever youpurpose, and scrutinize his intellect, and make trial ofhis mind.Soc. Come now, tell me your own turn of mind; in orderthat, when I know of what sort it is, I may now, afterthis, apply to you new engines.Strep. What? By the gods, do you purpose to besiege me?Soc. No; I wish to briefly learn from you if you arepossessed of a good memory.Strep. In two ways, by Jove! If anything be owing to me,I have a very good memory; but if I owe unhappy man, Iam very forgetful.Soc. Is the power of speaking, pray, implanted in yournature?Strep. Speaking is not in me, but cheating is.Soc. How, then, will you be able to learn?Strep. Excellently, of course.Soc. Come, then, take care that, whenever I propound anyclever dogma about abstruse matters, you catch it upimmediately.Strep. What then? Am I to feed upon wisdom like a dog?Soc. This man is ignorant and brutish—I fear, old man,lest you will need blows. Come, let me see; what do youdo if any one beat you?Strep. I take the beating; and then, when I have waiteda little while, I call witnesses to prove it; thenagain, after a short interval, I go to law.Soc. Come, then, lay down your cloak.Strep. Have I done any wrong?Soc. No; but it is the rule to enter naked.Strep. But I do not enter to search for stolen goods.Soc. Lay it down. Why do you talk nonsense?Strep. Now tell me this, pray. If I be diligent andlearn zealously, to which of your disciples shall Ibecome like?Soc. You will no way differ from Chaerephon inintellect.Strep. Ah me, unhappy! I shall become half-dead.Soc. Don't chatter; but quickly follow me hither withsmartness.Strep. Then give me first into my hands a honeyed cake;for I am afraid of descending within, as if into thecave of Trophonius.Soc. Proceed; why do you keep poking about the door?[Exeunt Socrates and Strepsiades]Cho. Well, go in peace, for the sake of this yourvalour. May prosperity attend the man, because, beingadvanced into the vale of years, he imbues his intellectwith modern subjects, and cultivates wisdom![Turning to the audience.]Spectators, I will freely declare to you the truth, byBacchus, who nurtured me! So may I conquer, and beaccounted skillful, as that, deeming you to be cleverspectators, and this to be the cleverest of my comedies,I thought proper to let you first taste that comedy,which gave me the greatest labour. And then I retiredfrom the contest defeated by vulgar fellows, though Idid not deserve it. These things, therefore, I object toyou, a learned audience, for whose sake I was expendingthis labour. But not even thus will I ever willinglydesert the discerning portion of you. For since whattime my Modest Man and my Rake were very highly praisedhere by an audience, with whom it is a pleasure even tohold converse, and I (for I was still a virgin, and itwas not lawful for me as yet to have children) exposedmy offspring, and another girl took it up, and owned it,and you generously reared and educated it, from thistime I have had sure pledges of your good will towardme. Now, therefore, like that well-known Electra, hasthis comedy come seeking, if haply it meet with anaudience so clever, for it will recognize, if it shouldsee, the lock of its brother. But see how modest she isby nature, who, in the first place, has come, havingstitched to her no leathern phallus hanging down, red atthe top, and thick, to set the boys a laughing; nor yetjeered the bald-headed, nor danced the cordax; nor doesthe old man who speaks the verses beat the person nearhim with his staff, keeping out of sight wretchedribaldry; nor has she rushed in with torches, nor doesshe shout iou, iou; but has come relying on herself andher verses. And I, although so excellent a poet, do notgive myself airs, nor do I seek to deceive you by twiceand thrice bringing forward the same pieces; but I amalways clever at introducing new fashions, not at allresembling each other, and all of them clever; whostruck Cleon in the belly when at the height of hispower, and could not bear to attack him afterward whenhe was down. But these scribblers, when once Hyperbolushas given them a handle, keep ever trampling on thiswretched man and his mother. Eupolis, indeed, first ofall craftily introduced his Maricas, having basely, basefellow, spoiled by altering my play of the Knights,having added to it, for the sake of the cordax, adrunken old woman, whom Phrynichus long ago poetized,whom the whale was for devouring. Then again Hermippusmade verses on Hyperbolus; and now all others press hardupon Hyperbolus, imitating my simile of the eels.Whoever, therefore, laughs at these, let him not takepleasure in my attempts; but if you are delighted withme and my inventions, in times to come you will seem tobe wise.
I first invoke, to join our choral band, the mightyJupiter, ruling on high, the monarch of gods; and thepotent master of the trident, the fierce upheaver ofearth and briny sea; and our father of great renown,most august Aether, life-supporter of all; and thehorse-guider, who fills the plain of the earth withexceeding bright beams, a mighty deity among gods andmortals.
Most clever spectators, come, give us your attention;for having been injured, we blame you to your faces. Forthough we benefit the state most of all the gods, to usalone of the deities you do not offer sacrifice nor yetpour libations, who watch over you. For if there shouldbe any expedition without prudence, then we eitherthunder or drizzle small rain. And then, when you werefor choosing as your general the Paphlagonian tanner,hateful to the gods, we contracted our brows and wereenraged; and thunder burst through the lightning; andthe Moon forsook her usual paths; and the Sunimmediately drew in his wick to himself, and declared hewould not give you light, if Cleon should be yourgeneral. Nevertheless you chose him. For they say thatill counsel is in this city; that the gods, however,turn all these your mismanagements to a prosperousissue. And how this also shall be advantageous, we willeasily teach you. If you should convict the cormorantCleon of bribery and embezzlement, and then make fasthis neck in the stocks, the affair will turn out for thestate to the ancient form again, if you have mismanagedin any way, and to a prosperous issue.
Hear me again, King Phoebus, Delian Apollo, whoinhabitest the high-peaked Cynthian rock! And thou,blessed goddess, who inhabitest the all-golden house ofEphesus, in which Lydian damsels greatly reverencethee; and thou, our national goddess, swayer of theaegis, Minerva, guardian of the city! And thou, revelerBacchus, who, inhabiting the Parnassian rock, sparklestwith torches, conspicuous among the Delphic Bacchanals!