SHEEPS
THE he sheep is a ram and the she is a you and the little feller is lambs. Lambs is playful, and when the sun is shinin warm in the spring they turn out and have a stunnin good time, and thats why The Bible it says for to go it while you are young. When a sheep has been sheared it doesnt look very civilized, more like it was sick. Mister Gipple says one time a scientifical feller he surprised a young you which had been sheared the first time, and she blushed so rosy that he wrote to the presdent of his college: “I have discovered a new specie of red dog, which I have namedCanis rubicutis, make me a professor of animals, with a salary of one thousand hundred dollars a year and board.” But my sister she can turn real red too when I tell her that bitin her young man isnt fair play.
A old you she had a labm, and one day she was sheared. When the labm it came to her for to get its dinner it stopped and looked at her a while, and then it backed away and made a bow, much as to say: “I beg your pardon, I didnt know you wasthat way. I will wait.”
Uncle Ned he said to my sister: “Missy, I have some mighty bad news for you, but you must brace up and try for to bear it. Me and Mister Gipple was out in the country yester day, and we caught your young man eatin a dead sheep.”
Missy she most fainted, and she said: “You wicked man, it isnt so, where was it?”
Then Uncle Ned he said, Uncle Ned did: “It was in the dining room of a way side inn.”
I never have see such a furious girl like Missy was, but Uncle Ned he says every woman is a fo to the truth and I better be ware how I tell it.
Dead sheeps is mutton, but canibles eat their selves and is happy. When Jack Brily was casted a way on a island he seen 2 canibles meet, and one said to the other how did he do, and the other he said: “O, Ime jest fine—fit for to set before a king.”
A other time Jack was ship wreck, and him and the captain was threw on a bare rock, where they came near starvin to death. So they drawed lots to see which one should be et by the other, and the captain he lost. Then he said, the captaindid: “Well, my man, you didnt think me and you would ever be mess mates, did you?”
Jack he said: “No sir, I sure didnt expect sech a honor as to meet you at dinner, and the worst of it is that I havnt my ditty bag and cant slick my self up a bit.”
There was a old ram which licked all the other rams which are in the world, so one day a feller which the old ram had licked hisn he see him comin, and he took a big lookin glass, the feller did, and set it up on the river bank long side the road. The ram he see it and shook his head and said: “You gum dasted homely galoot, if you think you can hide behind that picture frame you are mistook.”
So he backed off and let drive like he was shot out of a cannon and busted through the lookin glass and went down in to the river. Bime by he was washed a shore and stood up on his feets with the cold water a runnin out of his wool, like he was a spunge. Then he shet up his eyes for to think, cause he was all mixed up in his mind, and bime by he said, real thoughtful: “Braveness is the soldiers hope. I wont never again hide behind a picture frame for to sass a other feller which is goin a long the roada mindin his own business.”
Missis Doppy she says her little Sammy is a labm, but I dont see no wool, nothing only but just dirt. One day Sammy tore his trousers, which was brown, and she put a blue patch on the place. Pretty soon after she and him was to our house, and my father he said: “Missis Doppy, that is a mighty fine boy of yourn.”
Missis Doppy was real pleased, and she said: “Yes, indeed, he is just a little angel right down from Heaven.”
My father he smoked his pipe in silents for a while, then he said: “That little angel of yourn seems to have brought a piece of the sky down with him.”
You never seen such a furious woman as Missis Doppy was in your life, and Billy didn’t in hisn, but the Bible it says we shouldnt ever let our hungry passions arise, cause them which takes up the sword shall be for ever exalted.
Labms is so famous that they have statutes in all the grave yards, just like soldiers in Washington, and now I will tell you a story which my sisters young man told me.
One time General Grant, which was the greatest man in the world, was a bein showed the statutes which adorn the city of Washinton, and he said, General Grant did: “I never seen such a lot of gam doodled scare crows!”
Then a good man which was a preacher he spoke up and said: “General, you oughtnt to swear, cause the wicked shall be casted in to Hell.”
The General he said: “Thank you, I shouldnt mind that so very much, but I sure dont want to be casted in to bronze.”
Statutes is made by sculptors, and thats why I say every creepin thing brings 4th after its own kind and multiplies excessive.