THE BUFLO
THE buf is found in all the big eastern cities. The she ones is called a cow cause she bellows loud and shrill, but the little one he is a sucker. The buflo is a natif of Omaha, but the peoples there they said: “O, whats the use, for the mooley cow is more milky and cant gore.”
The buf has got a mane like a lions mane, but when he springs onto his prey and wrenches it from the earth the sheeps they laughf and say they could have done that thir own selfs.
One time some soldiers they lay down in the prairie for to sleep. Their guide was a young feller which wore 3 revolvers and a big boy knife and had long yellow hair. In the middle of the night he was heard to holler like he was cats, cause some bufs had strayed in to camp for to eat grass, and thats what made the guide wish his self back in Boston. The captain of the soldiers he asked him what was up, and the guide said: “Some bodys gum dasted cow took me by the hair and swang me round till it pulled out,thats whats up!”
The captain he said: “Well, what you kickin about? Animals which pulls up grass always has to shake the dirt off the roots, don’t they?”
My sisters young man he says once there was a buf in the Zoo, and a Injin came for to see him. The buf he looked at the Injin, too, and bime by he said, the buf did: “How is the dusky chieftain of the Galoots, and how does it feel to wear the stopipe hat and frock coat of the Paleface?”
The Injin he thought a while, and then he said: “If me and you was to home you would have some thing else to think about than the spring styles of gents cloes.”
The buf he sighed and said: “The words of the great Swaller-His-Blanket brings back the light of other days most peculiar, the days when we roamed the plain together and you was always a little ahead.”
The Injin spoke up and said: “Yes, events did move pretty rapid them days, but it wasn’t real progress like 20 dollars a week, for to do a scalp dance in a show.”
The buf he wank his eye and said: “Ime fairly comfortable too, only but jest when I have a pain in the stomach of my belly from too much clover.”
But if I was a buflo I rather be a rain deer and gallop oer the snow beneath the aurory boryalis, hooray!
Uncle Ned he said: “Johnny, do you know how Mister Jonnice, which has the wood leg, lost his meat one?”
I said: “Yessir, it was bit off by a cracky dile, and pulled out by a shark, and amptated for to cure the go out, and flang off when he ran after the fleein enemies at Gettysburg.”
Uncle Ned he said: “My boy, you have been listenin to him instead of consultin the best authoritys. Mister Jonnice was one time huntin bufloes in Wyoming, and he had slottered so many he was tired, so he lay down on a rock for to rest. Pretty soon a kioty came along, and the ki showed his teeths and said, ironicle: 'Lets hunt together.’
“Mister Jonnice said: 'Ide like to, but the fact is Ime about to go away, a leavin you so far behind that we cant.’
“Then Mister Jonnice he departed, mighty awkward but surprisin fast, and disapeared over the horizon. The ki he looked a while, and then he said: 'All right, if I cant get what I want Ile take what I can get, and a half of a loaf is better than nothing to eat.’
“So the ki it et Mister Jonnices leg every little tiny bit up.
“You see, Johnny, when the convsation began the leg was asleep, and Mister Jonnice hadnt time for to wake it up, but bein a brave man he had hopped away without it.”
But the zeebry is the swiftest thing which is in the world, and the hi potamus roars like he was a brigdier general, and then the rhi nosey rose winks his eye, much as to say: “Hark, I hear a angel sing.”