There is only one visiting card in vogue for a man. It must be of plain white bristol board, unglazed, about three or four inches in length and about two inches in width. The name should be engraved, not printed, in the middle of the card, in small copperplate type, without ornamentation of any kind. The prefix "Mr." is always used unless the person is a physician, in which case he can place "Dr." before his name, or a clergyman, when he may use the "Rev. Mr." or the "Rev. Dr.," according to his rank. Army and navy men, ranking as captain or above, should put their rank on their cards. "Mr." is the prefix for subalterns. The address is placed underneath the name in smaller type and in the right-hand corner. If an address, however, is that of a man's club, it should be engraved on the left hand. A man's card should also contain his Christian as wellas his surname. If he possesses two Christian names, or any distinctive family name, that should also be given, so that his appellation is shown in full. For instance, "Mr. John William Jones," "Mr. James Brown Smith," "Mr. Hamilton Hamilton-Stuyvesant."Visiting cards should be kept in a small case of sealskin or black or Russia leather and carried in the inside pocket of a frock coat, or if small enough more conveniently in the waistcoat pocket. Card cases should be stamped with initials or have a silver monogram. Visiting cards should never be carried loose in the pocket. A card is left in person the day after a dinner, luncheon, or breakfast, or within a week at latest after a ball. Civility must be returned by civility, and cards must be left on every occasion on which a call is necessary. Cards should not be sent by mail, unless when about to leave the country, or under circumstances where it is impossible to make a personal call. On leaving the country you should write the initials P. P. C. (pour prendre congé) in the right-hand corner. In New York many men send cards by mail, offering the excuse that the city is too large to get about to make personal calls. This is only a flimsy pretext, and should have no weight.
The question of how many cards to leave is one which seems to bewilder most people. The general rule is a card to each person. This will have to be explained. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith you must leave a card for each—two cards. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the Misses Smith, three cards, the young ladies counting as a unit. For Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith, and their married daughter Mrs. Jones staying with them, four cards—Mrs. Jones being entitled to the fourth. If Mr. Jones is also stopping at the Smiths leave an extra card for him. For Mrs. Smith (widow) and the Misses Smith, two cards. For Mr. Smith (widower) and the Misses Smith, two cards.
In mailing cards, address them on the envelope "Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith," or "Mr. and Mrs. John Brown-Smith"; "The Misses Brown-Smith," the one under the other. Never write on your cards "For Mr. and Mrs. John Brown-Smith." It is bad form. Never leave cards for people who have not asked you to call.When friends from another city, who have entertained you or who have been polite to you, should arrive in your own city, you should immediately call and leave cards for them. In that case, should you even not beacquainted with their host and hostess, it would be civil to leave cards also for them.
After a wedding, if invited to the reception, you must personally leave cards at the house where the reception has been given for your host and hostess, and also for the young couple when they return from their bridal trip. Two cards at each place will be sufficient in this case. When invited to the church only, leave or send cards to the bride's parents and the young couple. As the card to the church only, is rather an equivocal compliment, mailing cards in this case could be excused. Leave personally cards for the patroness who has asked you to a subscription ball, within a week after the invitation. In cases of death, leave cards within a fortnight.In answer to letters of condolence, it is best to send your cards with the words "Thank you for your kind sympathy" written thereon. For mourning, use the same size or style of card, but with a narrow or deep border as befits the nearness of degree of relationship with the deceased. The deepest border permissible is about a quarter of an inch.
It is bad form to bend cards or to turn down the corners thereof. These signs mean nothing now in good society. In calling—itmay be repeated here—you ask, if there are more than one of the fair sex in the house, for "the ladies," and hand the servant the number of cards necessary. He takes them on a silver salver and leaves them in the hall, goes before you, and announces you. Your card is never taken to the lady of the house, unless it is a business call.
When I speak of the "diner-out," I include under this title the bachelor guest not only at dinners, but also at luncheons and at suppers. The formal breakfast is a festivity of the past, and the first meal in a household is purely a family affair.However, luncheons on Sunday at one or two o'clock are in New York frequently called breakfasts, because I believe many fashionable people do not want the impression to go abroad that even once a week they dine in the middle of the day. The luncheon after a day wedding ceremony is also called a breakfast, but this, like the Sunday meal, is simply a title by courtesy.
Luncheons, where men are guests, are popular entertainments at all the large summer resorts, such as Newport, Long Branch, Bar Harbor, as well as at the more celebrated of the Western and Pacific watering places andthe winter cities of the South. In New York and other great centers, where there exists a number of gentlemen of leisure, these entertainments are greatly in vogue, and in Washington they sometimes assume the color of diplomatic functions.
The hour for a luncheon is half past one o'clock, and sometimes it is advanced to two. All guests are expected to be punctual to the minute and to take advantage even of the quarter of an hour latitude is bad form. Better a little too early than too late. However, do not make yourself ridiculous by appearing on the scene too soon. Bear in mind that the reputation of being the "late Mr. Smith" is not enviable. A tardy guest only accentuates his own insignificance. This rule applies to dinners and suppers and to all entertainments where you are a guest, with only one exception—dances, where you have an hour's grace.
Luncheons, as a rule, are informal affairs. Men have attended them in lounge suits, but it is more courteous to your hostess to appear in afternoon dress. Overcoats, hats, and sticks are left in the hall. Your gloves are removed in the drawing room. When luncheon is announced, unless it is a very formal affair, your hostess leads the way to the dining room, andshe is followed by her guests, women and men, not in procession. The men, of course, must allow the fairer sex to pass before them through the drawing-room door and into the dining room. Luncheonmenusconsist of oysters, clams, or grape fruit with crushed ice and saturated with maraschino for the first course. This is followed by bouillon, anentrée, a roast or chops with peas, or broiled chicken, salad with birds, ices and fruits, coffee andliqueurs. Sherry and claret are the wines, and sometimes champagne is served.
A luncheon lasts three hours at most, and the men are left to smoke at dessert. However, sometimes this formality is waived.
Dinnerinvitations are sent out at least a fortnight in advance. In the New York season sometimes they are issued a full month before the event. They must, under all circumstances, be answered within twenty-four hours, and cards left on your prospective host and hostess within a week.
The fashionable hours for dining are between half past seven and eight o'clock.Dinners being formal evening functions, formal evening dress is essential.
Except at very small houses and apartments, two rooms are reserved—one for themen and the other for the ladies—as dressing rooms. Your hat, coat, and outdoor attire are removed, and a servant will assist you in arranging your toilet. A nefarious practice of feeing these attendants, even at private houses, has been somewhat in vogue in a very "smart" and wealthy set in New York. It is not good form, and I would advise you against it.
The servant who announces you, hands you a small envelope on which is written your name. This incloses a card on which is the name of the lady whom you are to take in to dinner. After exchanging greetings with your hostess and removing your gloves, you should endeavor to find your partner and engage in some preliminary conversation. Should you not have been presented to her, inform your hostess of this fact, and you will be at once introduced. Dinner is announced by the butler entering the drawing room and saying, "Dinner is served." The host leads the way with the woman guest of honor, and you are assigned your place in the procession by the hostess, who comes last with the man guest of honor. Each man offers his right arm to his fair partner. In the dining room, cards are placed at each cover with the names of the guests inscribed thereon. Even should therebe a retinue of servants, pull back the chair of your partner and assist her to seat herself.In some old-fashioned houses grace is said, and it is always the rule when a clergyman is one of the guests. This blessing is asked after the company is seated.
During dinner you must devote yourself to the comfort and entertainment of the woman whom you have taken in. She must be your first care, although there may be some one on your other side, or opposite, who is more congenial to you. Talking across the table is very bad form. Let your conversation be pleasant and general, but avoid politics, religion, and personal criticisms.
There is no form for refusing wine, if it is against your scruples to drink it. Do not thus force your personal prejudices on your host by making any demonstration, such as putting your finger over the glass or shaking your head at the butler. Let him fill your glasses, but do not drink the contents. The question of waste is not to be considered; and if you are a man with firm principles regarding total abstinence, in your heart you should rejoice that at least a quota of the fluid will do no harm.
The hostess gives the signal at dessert forthe ladies to retire to the drawing room. Everybody rises, and the ladies leave the table in solemn procession, the man nearest the door opening it for them. A prettier custom, and one much in vogue in New York, is the escorting of the ladies by the men to the drawing room, the host leading the way. When the drawing-room door is reached the men bow and retire again to the dining room, where coffee,liqueurs, and cigars are served. At the end of a half hour they return to the drawing room. Another half hour of conversation, during which sometimes there is dancing, and the guests make their adieus to their hostess and host and leave. On bidding good-night, always assure your hostess of the pleasant evening which you have enjoyed.
Progressive dinners are sometimes given, although now almost obsolete. Small tables are arranged for these with parties of four or six at each table. The guests change places at each course, the signal for this being given by the hostess ringing a bell. The ladies remain in their seats. As there will not be a fresh napkin provided at each course, a man brings his with him from his first table.
Public dinners, except when given by certain church, debating, or literary societies, arestag affairs. The guests assemble at the restaurant, hotel, or hall where the banquet is to be held, and deposit their hats, coats, and walking paraphernalia in the cloakroom. A ticket is given with the number of your rack upon it, and a small fee—usually twenty-five cents—is expected. The guests assemble in one of the smaller drawing rooms, and each one is handed a plan of the tables with the location of his cover designated by his name upon it. A procession is formed, the guests of honor and reception committee leading, to the banquet hall. After dessert, speeches are in order.
Dinner dancesare a form of entertainment where dinner is followed by a dance, other guests coming in from other dinner parties and meeting at one house which has been agreed upon as the place where the dance is to take place. A short time after dinner, at each of the other houses, the guests are conveyed therefrom in carriages, or, better yet, in stages, to the general rendezvous. Calls are due within the week at the house where you have dined as well as at the one at which you have danced.
Supper etiquette differs but little from that observed at dinners. The occasion is a bitmore informal and themenunot so elaborate. The etiquette of ball suppers is treated in the chapter on The Dance, and suppers after the play, at restaurants and clubs, being favorite bachelor entertainments, will be explained in that part of this book reserved for the Bachelor as Host.
Many of the cautions contained in this chapter will seem elementary in their nature. But one expects in a book of this kind to see the old familiar "don'ts," and their absence would perhaps deter from the usefulness of The Complete Bachelor. I would, however, suggest a careful study of that cleverbrochure, entitled Don't, which would refresh the memory on many points not within the scope of this work. It is really quite surprising to see how few men have perfect table manners.The American is unfortunately too often in a hurry. He bolts his food. He is a victim of the "quick-lunch" system. Again, a bachelor eating a solitary meal at a club or a restaurant is apt from sheer loneliness to try and dispose of it as rapidly as possible. Drill yourself into eating leisurely. Persons of refinement take only small morsels at a time.One can not be too dainty at table. To attempt to talk while your mouth is full is another vulgarity upon which it is needless to dwell.The French have made us the reproach that we frequently drink while our mouths are in this condition. I fear there is some foundation for this accusation. Wipe your mouth carefully before putting a glass to your lips. Grease stains around the edge of a goblet or wineglass are silent but telltale witnesses of careless habits.
The napkin is an embarrassing article to many men. Its place is on the lap and not tucked into the shirt bosom or festooned around the neck. When one arises from the table, the napkin is thrown carelessly on it, unfolded. The days of napkin rings are over.
Nervous and bashful persons fidget, they do not sit squarely or firmly at table, their chairs are crooked, they play or gesticulate with their knives and forks, or they beat dismal tattoos with them against their plates. These same timid minds find vent for inspiration in the crumbs of the bread, of which they involuntarily make little figures or small round balls. The economist, another person on the list, plasters his food, taking a bit of potato, a little tomato, and a good-sized square of meatas a foundation, and spreading these tidbits one on the other, prepares of them a delectable poultice which he swallows at a mouthful. I pass over the man who leaves traces of each meal on his shirt or his clothes. Such a being, I have no doubt, would convey food to his mouth with his knife, would blow on his soup, tea, or coffee with the idea of cooling it, or would pour the two latter cheering fluids into a saucer and drink them therefrom.
The caution to keep one's hands above the cloth and one's elbows out of reach of others, also falls under the head of kindergarten classification. The ridiculous idea prevailing that one must not eat until others are served has passed away with many old-time fallacies. One commences to eat as soon as served. You need not proceed very actively, but you can take up your fork or spoon, as the case may be, and make at least a feint at it.
Toasts have also fallen into "desuetude" at private dinners. Sometimes you will find an old-fashioned host who will, on touching his glass with his lips, bow to his guests, and they may wait for this signal to sip their wine, but the custom is utterly obsolete in large cities and at formal dinners.
When you have finished the course, layyour knife and fork side by side on your plate, the prongs of the fork upward. Do not cross them. No whistlike signals are needed to-day to signify that you have had sufficient to eat.
Dinners are generally servedà la Russe—that is, from the sideboard, and the dishes are passed around by the servants on silver trays. Very largeplats, such as roasts and fish, are sometimes carried without the trays. On all occasions of ceremony the men servants are gloved.
Carving at table is but little seen except at very informal dinners and in the country, where sometimes the master of the house shows off this old-fashioned accomplishment, especially if he has a dining room in colonial style and wishes to have everything in keeping.
The question of second helpings is therefore not one of moment. The servants pass the viands twice or more around. If a host or hostess serves at table, he or she will ask the guests whether they would like a second helping. It is never demanded. Except when absolutely necessary the handkerchief should be kept out of sight. It can be used in case there should be some sudden irritation of the skin, but to blow one's nose at table is disgusting.
The American bachelor takes usually a very light first meal. It consists of tea, coffee, or cocoa, toast, eggs, oatmeal, and fruit. There are yet a few men who go in for the old-fashioned hearty breakfast with beefsteak, buckwheat cakes, and trimmings, but in cities the lighter meal is preferable. All this is, of course, more a matter of environment and hygiene than etiquette. I have compiled a list of certain viands, which society does require should be eaten at a special meal and in only one manner. With this catalogue I will close this chapter.
Breakfast and Luncheon Dishes.
Eggs.—It is much better form to have egg cups than egg glasses for boiled eggs. Cut the top of the egg off with a dexterous blow of a sharp knife and eat it in the shell with a small egg spoon.
Sugar.—Lump sugar if served is always taken with the sugar tongs.
Butter.—Butter is only served at breakfast or luncheon. It is passed around in a silver dish, with a little silver pick with which to spear it. Butter plates—i. e., the small round silver or china affairs—have given place tobread and butter plates, which are of china and are somewhat larger than an ordinary saucer. The butter plate of a few years ago was never seen outside of America, and is now destined to vanish from our tables. It is needless to add that butter is never served at dinner.
Radishes.—Radishes appear at luncheon. Put them on your bread and butter plate and eat them with a little salt.
Cantaloupesare served cut in half and filled with ice. They are eaten as a first course, a fork being better to eat them with than a spoon. Salt is the condiment to use with them, but sugar is allowable. In southern climates they are sometimes served at dinner as a separate course between the fish and roast. This is a Creole custom.
Grape fruitis served as a first course (videchapter Diner-Out) at a late breakfast or luncheon. It is eaten with a spoon.
Dinner.
Themenuof to-day is simple. It consists of oysters or clams, according to season, soup, fish,entrée, roast and vegetables, game and salad, ices and dessert. Sorbets or frozenpunches are not served, except at public banquets and hoteltable-d'hôtes.
Oystersorclamsare placed on the table in plates for the purpose before dinner is announced. They are imbedded in ice and arranged around a half-sliced lemon, which is in the middle of the plate. Oysters or clams are eaten with a fork only. Gourmets say that they should not even be cut with it, and should be swallowed whole. I would not advise any one to try this with large oysters. The oyster fork is the first in the number of the implements placed beside your plate. Condiments, such as pepper and salt, will be passed you. Sauterne is served with oysters.
Oyster cocktailshave been in vogue in place of oysters. These are a mixture of the bivalve with Tabasco sauce and vinegar, and they are said to be excellent appetizers. They are eaten with a small fork from cocktail glasses. Bachelors frequently serve them in place of oysters.
Soup.—At large and formal dinners a clear soup is in vogue. Your soup spoon will be on the knife side of your plate. Soup is eaten from the side and not from the end of the spoon. The motion of the hand guiding the spoon is toward and not from you. Take soupin small spoonfuls, and use your napkin in wiping your mouth and mustache after each, especially if the soup is thick or apurée. This will avoid the dripping of that liquid from your upper lip. Never after this operation throw your napkin back into your lap with the greasy side toward your clothes, but use the inside of it for this purpose.
Fishis eaten with a silver fish fork. Chasing morsels of fish around your plate with bits of bread is obsolete. Silver fish knives have been put in use, but they are not generally the vogue.
Cucumbersare served with fish on the same plate. Little plates or saucers for cucumbers, vegetables, or salads are bad form.
Sherryis served with fish.
Celery,olives, andsalted almondsare placed on the table in small dishes. Sometimes the guests are asked to help themselves, but at formal dinners they are passed around after the fish. Celery is eaten with the fingers and dipped in a little salt placed on the tablecloth or on the edge of your plate. It is also served as anentréeraw, the stalks stuffed with Parmesan cheese. It should then be eaten with a fork.
Entréesrequire a fork only. Among theseare patties,rissoles,croquettes, and sweetbreads.
Mushroomsare eaten with a fork, and served as a separate course in lieu of anentrée.
Terrapinis served sometimes in little silver saucepans either as anentréeor as fish, and again in a chafing dish, and sometimes with salad. It is more of a supper than a dinner plat, and should be eaten with a fork.
Asparagusis eaten, except in the intimate privacy of your own family circle, with a fork. Cut the points off with the end of the prongs. The stalk or white part is not eaten. It is allowable to eat it with your fingers, as I have said, in private. It is served after the roast as a special course. One can not drinkchampagnewithasparagusexcept at the risk of a severe headache.
Artichokesare served as a separate course after the roast. They should be placed in the center of your plate and the inside tips of the leaves alone eaten. The leaves are removed with the fingers and dipped in salt,sauce vinaigrette, or melted butter. The center of the artichoke is called the heart. The hairy part is removed with the fork, and the heart itself, which is deliciously tender, is conveyed to the mouth with the fork.
Champagneis served in small tumblers or claret glasses. The champagne stem glasses are out of fashion. Thedrymay be served from the fish to the close of dinner, but the old rule was to give it with the roast,claretwith theentrée, andBurgundywith the game.
Saladis eaten with a fork only. In cuttinggameorpoultry, the bone of either wing or leg should not be touched with the fingers, but the meat cut close off. It is better to sever the wing at the joint.
Savories, a species of salt fish and cheese sandwich, is served in England hot, about the end of dinner. They should be eaten with a fork. Undressed salad is sometimes served with them, or radishes, butter, and cheese. This is the only occasion when one sees butter on a dinner table, and this at informal dinners. The salad undressed can be eaten with the fingers. At bachelor dinners and at luncheonscheeseis served with salad. The French soft cheeses are the favorites.
Pastry,ices, anddessertsare eaten with a fork.
Fruit, such as peaches, pears, and apples, are served frequently already pared. When this is the case, finger bowls are dispensed with, but as yet this is not a general rule.Usually at dessert there is placed before you a finger glass and doily and a dessert plate, with the dessert knife and fork on either side. Remove the glass and doily; put it in front of your plate a little to the right.Fruitmust be pared or peeled with a silver knife.
Strawberriesare now served with the stems on, and sugar and cream are passed around and are taken on your dessert plate.
Pineapplesare eaten with a fork. A cracker is used for nuts, and silver picks are brought in with the dessert.
Cornon the cob is a favorite at small informal dinners as a separate course. In polite society you must remove the grains of the corn with your fork or your knife and fork, and never eat it off the cob holding the end with your fingers. By holding one end with your napkin, you can plow down the furrow of the grains with your fork, and you will find that they will fall off easily.Cornis always served, when given in this style, on a white napkin. You help yourself to the ear with your fingers.
Macaroniandspaghettishould only be eaten with a fork. In New Orleans boiledshrimpsare often served at small dinners. The skins and heads are on, and you remove these with your fingers. After this course fingerbowls with orange leaves are passed around, and the perfume of the water will remove the odor of fish from your fingers.
Black coffeeis served after dinner. Milk or cream does not accompany it, except in the country, where sometimes a little silver pitcher of cream is placed on the tray. Coffee is drunk from small cups. Coffee and milk are never served during dinner, nor again is iced milk. These are barbarisms.Chartreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac are theliqueursusually served after dinner.
Claret, in many French families, especially those of the middle class, is placed on the table in decanters. You are expected to help yourself. There are alsocarafonsor decanters of water to mix with the wine. The claret decanters are calledcarafes. Claret is drunk at the twelve o'clockdejeuneras well as at dinner.
Teais passed around in old-fashioned English houses about an hour after dinner. In some places buttered muffins accompany it, but this extra refreshment is only seen now in very old-fashioned houses.
Scotch whiskyand hot water or mineral waters are served in country houses before bedtime.
Luncheons, Dinners, Theater Parties, Club and Restaurant Suppers, and other Bachelor Entertainments.
The bachelor who entertains is a most popular member of society. It does not cost a fortune to return in some manner the civilities once received, and every man, even if his income be limited, can once in a while entertain, even if it be on a very small scale and in a very modest way. Bachelor functions are always enjoyable. For a host of moderate income, I would suggest a luncheon, a dinner, or a party to the play, followed by a little supper.
A bachelor luncheon can be given either at the host's apartments or chambers, at a restaurant, or in the ladies' annex of his club, if that organization possesses such an institution.
At all entertainments given under a bachelor's vine and fig tree, extreme simplicity should be a characteristic.The table linen should be of the finest damask, or the best material his income will allow; the glass perfectly plain, clear crystal, the china of a rich but quiet pattern, the silver good but absolutely without ornamental devices of any kind. In fact, the silver can be limited to forks and spoons, and the rest Sheffield or prince's plate. Silver is not expensive, but plate is considered quite smart, and it has the advantage of being utterly valueless from the burglar's point of view.
Individual salt and pepper affairs, cut or colored glass, or the hundred and one knick-knacks which one sees advertised and which eventually find their way to the boarding-house table, are vulgar.
Before your cloth is laid you should have a cover of felt placed over the table, so as to form a shield between it and the damask or linen. In the center goes a silver or plated fernery, filled with ferns and asparagus vines, on a mirror tray, or anépergnewith fruit. Two heavy, old-fashioned decanters in Queen Anne coasters should be placed, one at your right and the other at the right of yourvis-à-vis. These contain sherry and claret. Fourplain silver, plated, or china dishes are at the corners with salted almonds, olives,bonbons, and fancy cakes. If you wish to be very effective and have the money to spare, it is smart at a dinner to have silver candlesticks with candles or tiny lamps gleaming behind red or pink shades at each cover. Two or three forks are laid at the left of each plate. If more are required, your servant will replace them. On the right of the plate are the knives, including one for the roast, with the tablespoon for the soup, if it is a dinner, and the oyster fork. The napkins should be plain and flat, and contain a roll of bread. These hints for arranging the table will do for either luncheon or dinner. Not one of the articles is in itself expensive, and you may possess them all with the accumulation of years. If not, a simpler arrangement could be effected, or you could give the entertainment at a restaurant instead of your rooms or house.The invitations can be either verbal or written, but at best a luncheon or dinner in a bachelor's apartments is regarded as a little frolic, and you must try to preserve the spirit and waive the formalities.
A chaperon, of course, is necessary. The party can be limited to about eight. If you have a manservant he should be dressed inblack coat and trousers, white shirt, standing collar and tie, and liveried waistcoat. His duties are to open the door and to serve the luncheon. But a manservant is not necessary. Some of the smartest bachelors in New York give delightful little dinners and luncheons at their apartments, at which the maid who has cooked the meal, dressed in white apron and black gown, also serves it.
Themenushould be the usual one expected at luncheons, but champagne is never offered by a man to women in his apartments, unless at dinner or a theater supper. If a wealthy bachelor has a large house, and instead of one there are a number of matrons chaperoning, the case is different. Manhattan or Martini cocktails could be passed around before luncheon, or some little peculiar dish be served to give a zest to the occasion.
A bachelor's dinnerat his house or apartments is a more formal entertainment, but it differs in nowise from a regular function of that character. The chaperon takes the place of the lady of the house for that occasion. Dressing rooms are arranged for the men and women, and the same ceremonies observed as at any formal dinner. If the affair is given in apartments, of course the character must bemore or less informal, as the accommodations are limited.Should you have a man serve at your dinner, he must be in evening dress. Both at dinner and at luncheon he must have gloves, but this is not required of a maid.
A bachelor's supper in his own apartments is sometimes given after the play.Of themenu, I will speak a little farther on.A chafing-dish supper is, however, an unique and enjoyable entertainment. Several chafing dishes should be ready, so that each course can follow without delay. Terrapin, truffled eggs, curried oysters, and other dainties of this kind comprise usually themenu. It would be well to serve first oysters on the half shell, followed by lobsterà la Newburg, the latter being the firstplatcooked with the chafing dish.Champagne is a good wine, and allowable for a chafing-dish supper; but if Welsh rarebits are thechef d'œuvre, then beer or ale would be better.
A theater partyshould be confined to eight or ten. Aparti carré—four people—is delightful.Unmarried women do not go to theaters or restaurants with a man alone. They must be chaperoned, even at a matinée or a luncheon party at a hotel or restaurant—infact, an unmarried couple is seldom seen at public places in New York, unless they are engaged, and married women are as much compromised as unmarried ones by indifference to this absolute rule of etiquette.
The invitations can be either verbal or written. In the season it is better to write them, to insure the acceptance of guests. Be careful in the wording to give not only the evening, but the name of the play and the theater. For a party, always secure end seats, and there will be no disturbing of others in case you might be a little late. A box is necessary at the circus or at a music hall, but orchestra seats or stalls are the best selection for a bachelor's party. Many mothers object to their daughters being seen at the theater in a proscenium box.
The rendezvous or meeting place should be at the chaperon's. The vestibule of the theater is awkward, except for parties of four. A stage is the best vehicle to convey your guests to the playhouse. At the theater the host sees that his guests are provided with playbills. He gives the tickets to the usher, and precedes the party down the aisle. He indicates the order of sitting. A man should go in first, followed by the woman with whom he is tosit, and then, thus sandwiched, the rest of the party file in, the host taking the aisle or end seat. The host sits next to the chaperon.Gentlemen do not go out between the acts at the theater, but sometimes, when there is a party to the opera, they can leave their seats if other men come to visit the ladies. A man going in or out a theater aisle should do so with his face toward the stage and his back to the seat. A host never leaves his guests. After the play go a little ahead and give your carriage check to the porter as soon as possible, so that there may not be a long wait. The porter expects a small fee. All theater parties are followed by a supper given either at a restaurant, at the club, in the ladies' annex, or at your bachelor apartments.
All luncheons, dinners, or suppers at a restaurant, unless organized on the spur of the moment, are ordered beforehand, and everything, including the waiter's tip, arranged and settled for. If you have not an account at the restaurant, pay the bill at the time you order themenuand reserve the table. Flowers should be included, and a centerpiece of roses, which are so arranged as to come apart and be distributed in bunches to each of your fair guests, is one of the favorite devices. Smallboutonnièresare provided for the men.The public restaurant or dining room is the place for a bachelor supper when ladies are guests. A private room is not proper, and your guests want to see and be seen.The chaperon is seated at the right hand of the host, unless the party is given in honor of a particular woman, in which case she has that place. The chaperon is then at your left. Wraps and coats are taken off in the hall of the restaurant and checked. There is no order of entry, except that the host should precede and the others follow.
The usualmenufor a theater supper is:
I. Clams or oysters on the half shell.II. Bouillon in cups.III. Chickencroquettesor sweetbreads with peas, or lobsterà la Newburg.IV. Terrapin or birds with salad.V. Ices, cakes,café noir,bonbons.VI.Liqueurs.
I. Clams or oysters on the half shell.
II. Bouillon in cups.
III. Chickencroquettesor sweetbreads with peas, or lobsterà la Newburg.
IV. Terrapin or birds with salad.
V. Ices, cakes,café noir,bonbons.
VI.Liqueurs.
With the oysters or clams white wine is served.Champagne follows the bouillon until the end of the supper.
After supper the party usually returns to the residence of the chaperon, where the unmarried women have their maids and family escorts awaiting them. The host accompaniesthem to the chaperon's house, but the other men take leave at the restaurant. The chaperon may have it arranged to have dancing at her house, in which case the party return with her after supper.
A supper in the ladies' annexin nowise differs from this, except that you do not tip the waiter or pay the bill, but have it charged in your monthly account.
Themenufor a supper at your own apartments follows the same lines as those already given.
Theater clubsare associations of women and men, all subscribing, meeting at the houses of different members, one of whom gives the supper.
Bachelors' dancesorballsare given at a large hall by a number of unmarried men, who subscribe a certain amount each. A number of well-known matrons are asked to receive the guests, and a cotillon usually follows the supper.
Impromptu lunches,dinners, orsuppersat restaurants sometimes require the immediate settlement of the account. Be careful to draw from your pocketbook a bill of large denomination, and not a handful of change. Do not con over or dispute the items. If you have anaccount, simply sign the check. If not, it is best to give the waiter his tip and go to the desk and pay while the members of your party are getting their wraps.
Dinners at restaurantsare frequently given by bachelors, and are followed by a visit to the theater. The rendezvous is either at the house of the chaperon or at the restaurant itself, should the party be limited in number.
Themenuvaries according to the season. Six courses, including raw oysters or clams, soup, fish,entrée, roast and vegetables, birds and salad, ices and dessert, are sufficient. The form and manner of entertaining at a dinner of this kind are similar to those observed at suppers.
To a man who frequently entertains, and at a particular restaurant, an occasional tip to the head waiter would be of service. This is a word to the wise.
Card partiesfor the playing of whist, domino, or poker are often given by bachelors at their apartments or residences. In apartments this class of entertainment is only for men. Women should not go to bachelors' apartments except for luncheon, dinner, or supper. In a bachelor's house, however, any entertainment can be given.Small stakes are played for and the usual supper follows. Thefarewell bachelor dinnerwill have its proper place in the chapter on Wedding Etiquette.
The Bachelor as Host.—The Bachelor as Guest.
Bachelors, whose incomes are of all sizes and conditions, can have some kind of a country house. It may be a fishing lodge, a hunting box, maintained by three or four men clubbing together; a small cottage plainly and simply furnished at the seashore, near golf links, or in a good neighborhood; or again a large establishment, a villa at Newport or in a fashionable colony with a retinue of servants and a stable filled with horses. Whichever it might be, open hospitality, as much as it is in your power, should prevail. However, never attempt anything more than you can accomplish, and by all means do not run into debt. To a fishing or hunting lodge men only should be invited. It should be furnished with themere necessaries, and hung with fishing and hunting prints and trophies of the chase. The hall serves as sitting and even mess room. A man of all work or an old married couple are the best servants. Ample supplies are sent from town, but the leading idea is roughing it, and the table is partially supplied by the game and fish brought back by you and your friends. When the term of the visit of your guests expires, each should be able to bring home a basket of fish or some game. From time to time send to any of your hostesses of the winter something from your preserves. These attentions are much appreciated.
A truck farm or a small country place near town, which may have either fallen to you by inheritance or which you may have purchased, or which you have for kennels or for your horses, can also be used for entertaining. Even in the largest of these houses the plan of furnishing is substantially the same. There should be a masculine note throughout the entire scheme. The furniture should be old-fashioned, and the pictures sporting and hunting prints and steel engravings. There should be an air of homeliness and open hospitality about the place. It should look as if it were verily Liberty Hall.
A tract of unprofitable land could be converted into golf links and a tennis court laid out.A picnic is the popular form in which bachelors who have such a possession may entertain. Some fifty to one hundred people can be invited, and a special train or boat, if the place is too far from the city for a drive, chartered for their accommodation. The invitations should state the hour at which this train or boat would leave the city. Stages await the guests at the country station and bring them up to the house. Cocktails, drinkables, claret cup, tea, and sandwiches are served on their arrival. There should be no fixed programme of amusement. Luncheon, or luncheon and dinner both, according to the length of stay, could be served, and themenushould embrace a few courses of country fare. Dancing in the barn during the afternoon will be another form of entertainment, or if you wish to give an elaborate entertainment, vaudeville performers might be hired for the hour after luncheon.
In a large establishment the bachelor who entertains usually has residing with him a sister or female relative who acts as hostess. One of the delights of a wealthy bachelor is to have a large and well-appointed stable with anumber of traps which are at the disposition of his guests.
A bachelor host always drives to the station or boat to meet his guests. A drag, three-seated surrey, or a station van would be the smart vehicle. I am now writing of a man of large means. The method of entertaining should be the English one, without any fixed programme for the days of the guests' stay. Only when there is shooting, the party is expected to assemble in the morning. If there is a local club, your men guests should be put up at it, and the entire party made visiting members of the neighboring casino. The rest is conveyed in the advice to have always plenty of good cheer and to entertain the visitors as much as possible. In these houses there is much drinking, possibly, and perhaps cards, but a young man who is a guest should be firm enough to resist temptation, and to stand by his convictions.
One word more, and this applies to many country houses, if not all of them. See that your guests' bedrooms are provided with soap, hair and clothes' brushes, and toilet articles. The desk should be filled with letter paper and envelopes, and if you want to appear very fashionable, the stationery should have thename of your place in blue or red letters at the top or in the right-hand corner of the first sheet. Many convivial souls place on a side table in each room mineral water, cigarettes, cigars, and the inevitable decanter.
When you are a guest you are met at the station by one of your host's traps. Do not be surprised, however, if you do not find this accommodation. It is considered very English, I know not why, to allow bachelors to reach a country house by the best means they can find at the station or landing. You are received by your host, and after refreshment are shown to your room. If you arrive late in the afternoon you do not see your hostess, but dress for dinner and find her in the drawing room when you go downstairs. You are expected to conform to the rules of the house as to the hours for meals, and to place yourself at the service of your hostess. You must certainly appear at any function which has been arranged for you, and it is very impolite to accept, during your stay, any outside invitation to any affair to which your host and hostess have not also been asked. If you have a valet you may bring him with you, but you must certainly notify your host of this intention. Few houses in this country have the accommodations necessary for outside servants.
Tipping is demoralizing, but it is an accepted custom. On your departure after a short stay, at Newport or a very fashionable resort, the servant who attends you should have five dollars, the butler five dollars, the coachman five dollars, and the chambermaid two dollars. At smaller places five dollars altogether, judiciously distributed, is ample, or a dollar each to three of the servants.
The first-mentioned amounts can be placed in envelopes and given to the servant attending you for the others. All this is a question of resources, and there are many men who avoid invitations to the large country houses in the East and North because they can not afford the tips. In England, when one is invited to the shooting, one tips the gamekeeper one to five pounds, according to the extent of the bag and duration of visit.
The usual method of inviting men in this country for a short stay is from Friday or Saturday until Monday.It has often been a puzzle to them as to what they should take in their bag or how much luggage they should carry. At most not more than a good-sized bag or valise and perhaps a hatbox. For an evening's stay a dress-suit case is sufficient. In your valise must be placed your evening clothes, and if the party is to be somewhat of an informal one, I would also take my dinner jacket. If you are going to a very fashionable resort, a black frock coat, waistcoat, and fancy trousers would not be amiss, but in that case you would have also to take a hatbox for your top hat. Of recent years men in the country have been consulting their comfort more than absolute accuracy in the details of dress. Even at garden parties, at church, and at afternoon teas during the month of August at Newport, which is, after all, only the fashionable metropolis transported to another locality for the summer, you seldom see a frock coat or a top hat. Unless you are sure that there will be an occasion where these would be positively required, I would not take them, especially on so short a visit. The linen to be brought should consist of a dress shirt for each evening and a colored shirt for each morning, half a dozen handkerchiefs, two complete changes of underclothes, three pairs of ordinary and two pairs of black silk hose, and a pair of pyjamas. Take three of your ties for day wear and four white lawn for evening, and one black in case you are to use your dinner jacket. Slippers for thebedroom and pumps for evening wear should complete the clothing carried, unless you take your frock coat, when you would have to bring patent leather boots to wear with afternoon dress. I have given rather a liberal allowance of articles for a short stay, but one must be prepared for accidents or emergencies. It is better to take an extra shirt, or a change of underclothes, or a few more ties than one could ordinarily use, so that somecontretempswould not cause great annoyance and inconvenience. In the absence of a dressing case, care must be taken of the articles for the toilet. The tooth, nail, and shaving brushes, the sponges and washrags, should be packed in little waterproof silk bags, which can be obtained at a small price at any chemist's. Your host or hostess should provide you with soap, but I would not take the risk. I should bring my own in a little metal soapbox or well wrapped in thick paper. Your shaving articles, a shoehorn, button hook, nail file, small pair of nail scissors, tooth powder, or listerine should not be forgotten. The large articles, your combs and your brushes, can all be wrapped separately in tissue paper. It would be gallant of you to bring a box of sweets for your hostess.
If you are asked to play golf, it might bemore convenient to travel in your golf togs, which would serve as a lounge suit. But in that case a pair of long trousers to match your coat and waistcoat, or an entire lounge suit should be carried, as on Sunday you would be very uncomfortable in golf dress, and somewhat out of place. Or you might put your "knickers" in the bag, and wear the coat and waistcoat with long trousers.
As soon as a bachelor begins to branch out a little and to have an apartment or a house or a country establishment, though the latter be only a fishing or a hunting box, he must hire servants.The general servant is perhaps the one most universally employed. Many bachelors hire some middle-aged woman who not only does the cooking, but takes care of the apartment, valets him, and waits at table when he has guests to dinner. Others employ a man to look after them, who is valet and generalfactotum, and others again, with larger establishments, a man and wife. The former does the valeting, the waiting, and is steward and butler, while the woman attends to the cooking and laundry. There are quite a number of bachelor households of this description in our large cities, the occupants being several in number and clubbing together. One is appointedtreasurer, and the butler and cook are hired at a stated price and receive a certain sum for catering. When good servants of this kind are found they are treasures.
All menservants should be clean shaven. A short bit of side whiskers—à lamutton chop—is allowed; but under no circumstances should they have bearded faces or wear a mustache. Their linen and attire should be faultless. In the treatment of servants a man must exercise an iron will. He can be kind and considerate, but he must never descend to dispute with one, and certainly not swear at him. To be on familiar terms with one's servants shows the cloven foot of vulgarity. Discharge a servant at once when he is disrespectful or when he is careless in his duties or in his conduct. When asking for anything there is no necessity of forgetting the elements of true politeness, nor is it a blot on your deportment to utter a civil "thank you" for a service performed. All servants should address you as "Sir," and when called should reply "Yes, sir," and certainly not "All right." Your menservants touch their hats to you on receiving orders in the open, on being addressed, and upon your appearance. Encourage your servants now and then by a kind word, and see thatthey have good and wholesome food, clean and comfortable quarters. Once in a while give them a holiday, or an evening off, a cash remembrance at Christmas, and from time to time some part of your wardrobe or cast-off clothing. They are just like children, and must be treated with the rigor and mild discipline which a schoolmaster uses toward his pupils. In all their movements they should be noiseless and as automatic as possible in their actions.
And now for particular servants hired by a bachelor:
Thegroomis, with the exception of the general servant, the first domestic likely to be in the employ of an unmarried man of moderate means. When a bachelor becomes a horse owner he can never be too particular about his turnouts and his liveries.The groom in the city or at a fashionable watering place should have two liveries—one for dress occasions and the other for what is known as a "stable suit." The latter, which is a simple English tweed or whipcord, made with a cutaway coat of the same material, will answer perfectly well for the country, where it is ridiculous to have elaborate liveries. A square brown Derby is worn with this suit,brown English driving gloves, and a white plastron or coachman's scarf. This flat scarf is the badge of distinction between the house and stable servant. No tie pin nor trinkets of any description should be allowed servants. The best dress livery is a frock coat, single-breasted, of kersey, the color of your livery; white buckskin riding breeches, top boots, top hat, white plastron, standing collar, and brown driving gloves. One distinctive color should be used, not only for your liveries but also for your traps, as well as one kind of harness. The cockade on the hat is the privilege abroad of ambassadors; it is bad form. Besides the care of your horse or horses, your groom must be a species of outside general servant, ready to go on errands or attend to the numerous duties of a manservant about a country place. By no means can he be substituted for a valet, a butler, or an indoor servant. When he brings your trap to the door he holds the animals' heads until you are seated, when he touches his hat and lets go the reins. If he is to sit behind in the trap he must hold himself upright with folded arms. He alights immediately the trap is stopped, running all errands, and holding the horses until the drive is resumed. He sometimes accompanies hismaster when the latter rides. He brings his horse to the door and holds it until the mount. He follows, occasionally, on another horse at a respectful distance. Should you be wealthy enough to have also a coachman, your groom can act as second man on the box.A coachman's dress livery consists of a double-breasted long coachman's coat, top boots, and buckskin breeches, white flat plastron, high collar and top hat, and brown driving gloves.When both servants are employed the groom is under the orders of the coachman as regards the stable work.
The Valet.—Of course a valet is a luxury. A man can valet himself very easily, and if the instructions given in the chapters on the Care of Clothes and The Toilet are followed carefully, I hardly think that you would need such a personage. A woman can be perfectly trained to valet a man. Your general servant can also, and is required to fill this position. If you live at a club the club valet will attend to your clothes, and perform the duties of a private servant. There are "valeting companies" organized in many large cities, which take entire charge of your wardrobe, and again there are valets who are hired by several men clubbing together, and who are very capableservants. The individual valet, however, is a very valuable aid to a young bachelor of wealth, especially if he is a man of leisure, or if he goes out a great deal in society. A valet's duties are first and principally the entire charge of his master's wardrobe and toilet, the details of which have been given in previous chapters. They begin an hour or so before the master rises, when clothes are to be pressed and put in order, boots and shoes to be polished and placed on their trees, and the costume of the day to be made ready. If possible, a small room is provided for him as his workshop.
At the hour for rising, the valet enters his master's room very quietly, and, if he is awake, pulls up the shades and lets in the daylight. The bath is then prepared, and while that is being taken the newspapers, mail, and breakfast tray are brought in, and the valet waits for orders. Some men require their valets to shave them, but the majority simply intrust the care of their razors to them, preferring to perform that operation themselves. The valet assists his master in dressing, and, when the toilet is finished, ties or buttons the boots, arranges the spats, and gives a final brush to the clothes. He then fetches the stick, gloves, and hat.During the day he may be employed on errands, in answering tradespeople, in paying bills, or in any minor occupations of that kind. A first-class servant of this character should not only be steward but secretary. When writing letters for his master he should write them in the third person, and also sign them "Respectfully yours,John Smith,valet."
A valet is told of the engagements of the day, and has the clothes arranged accordingly, and he must be at his post. In the evening the dress suit is laid out, with choice of ties and two coats, the formal and informal, or Tuxedo. A valet must be at the rooms when his master retires. In traveling he takes care of the luggage, tickets, and all the little annoying details. He travels second class abroad, and in this country he should never be allowed to be a passenger in a drawing-room car with his master.The valet wears no livery. He dresses quietly in a plain sack suit of dark material, and wears a Derby hat.Should he be required to wait on table, he dresses in semi-livery if the affair is a luncheon, and in evening dress if it is a dinner.
Thebutleris a very rare functionary in a bachelor's establishment, only the wealthiest being able to afford him.The valet or general servant acts as butler, and when in this position he should always have a black coat on when answering the bell.
I have used the terms throughout this chapter of "master" and "servant." Employer and employee are correct only when the relations between the two persons are not of a domestic character.
The most fashionable and efficient menservants are of English, Scotch, or Irish birth or descent. Japanese make excellent valets. Colored coachmen and grooms are not the vogue in New York or vicinity, but they are seen in the South. Very wealthy bachelors have introduced a fad for East Indian servants, but at present only a few of these have been employed, and those at Newport.