SCENE Gardens in Castle Adamant. A river runs across theback of the stage, crossed by a rustic bridge. CastleAdamant in the distance.Girl Graduates discovered seated at the feet of LadyPsycheCHORUS OF GIRLS & SOLOS (Lady Psyche, Melissa andSacharissa)"Towards the empyrean heights"Chorus: Towards the empyrean heightsOf ev'ry kind of lore,We've taken several easy flights,And mean to take some more.In trying to achieve successNo envy racks our heart,And all the knowledge we possess,We mutually impart.SOLO — MelissaPray, what authors should she readWho in Classics would succeed?SOLO — PsycheIf you'd climb the Helicon,You should read Anacreon,Ovid's Metamorphoses,Likewise Aristophanes,And the works of Juvenal:These are worth attention, all;But, if you will be advised,You will get them Bowdlerized!Chorus: Ah! we will get them Bowdlerized!SOLO — SacharissaPray you, tell us, if you can,What's the thing that's known as Man?SOLO — PsycheMan will swear and man will storm—Man is not at all good form—Is of no kind of use—Man's a donkey — Man's a goose—Man is coarse and Man is plain—Man is more or less insane—Man's a ribald — Man's a rake,Man is Nature's sole mistake!Chorus: We'll a memorandum make—Man is Nature's sole mistake!And thus to empyrean heightOf ev'ry kind of lore,In search of wisdom's pure delight,Ambitiously we soar.In trying to achieve successNo envy racks our heart,For all we know and all we guessWe mutually impart!And all the knowledge we possess,We mutually impart,We mutually impart, impart.(Enter Lady Blanche. All stand up demurely)Blanche: Attention, ladies, while I read to youThe Princess Ida's list of punishments.The first is Sacharissa. She's expelled!All: Expelled!Blan.: Expelled, because although she knewNo man of any kind may pass our walls,She dared to bring a set of chessmen here!Sach.: (Crying) I meant no harm; they're only men of wood!Blan.: They're men with whom you give each other mate,And that's enough! The next is Chloe.Chloe: Ah!Blan.: Chloe will lose three terms, for yesterday,When looking through her drawing-book, I foundA sketch of a perambulator!All: (Horrified) Oh!Blan.: Double perambulator...All: Oh, oh!Blan.: ...shameless girl!That's all at present. Now, attention, pray;Your Principal the Princess comes to giveHer usual inaugural addressTo those young ladies who joined yesterday.CHORUS OF GIRLS"Mighty maiden with a mission"Girls: Mighty maiden with a mission,Paragon of common sense,Running fount of erudition,Miracle of eloquence,Altos: We are blind and wewould see;Sops: We are bound, and would be free;Girls: We are dumb, and we would talk;We are lame, and we would walk.(Enterthe Princess)Mighty maiden with a mission—Paragon of common sense;Running found of erudition—Miracle of eloquence, of eloquence!RECITATIVE & ARIA (Princess)"Minerva! Oh, hear Me"Princess: Minerva! Minerva!Oh, hear me:Oh, goddess wiseThat lovest lightEndow with sightTheir unillumin'd eyes.At this my call,A fervent fewHave come to wooThe rays that from thee fall,That from thee fall.Oh, goddess wiseThat lovest light,That lovest light,Let fervent words and fervent thoughts be mine,That I may lead them to thy sacred shrine!Let fervent words and fervent thoughts be mine,That I may lead them to thy sacred shrine,I may lead them to thy sacred shrine, thy sacredshrine!Princess: Women of Adamant, fair Neophytes—Who thirst for such instruction as we give,Attend, while I unfold a parable.The elephant is mightier than Man,Yet Man subdues him. Why? The elephantIs elephantine everywhere but here (tapping herforehead),And Man, whose brain is to the elephant'sAs Woman's brain to Man's - (that's rule of three),—Conquers the foolish giant of the woods,As Woman, in her turn, shall conquer Man.In Mathematics, Woman leads the way;The narrow-minded pedant still believesThat two and two make four! Why, we can prove,We women — household drudges as we are—That two and two make five — or three — or seven;Or five and twenty, if the case demands!Diplomacy? The wiliest diplomatIs absolutely helpless in our hands.He wheedles monarchs — Woman wheedles him!Logic? Why, tyrant Man himself admitsIt's a waste of time to argue with a woman!Then we excel in social qualities:Though man professes that he holds our sexIn utter scorn, I venture to believeHe'd rather pass the day with one of you,Than with five hundred of his fellow-men!In all things we excel. Believing this,A hundred maidens here have sworn to placeTheir feet upon his neck. If we succeed,We'll treat him better than he treated us:But if we fail, why, then let hope fail too!Let no one care a penny how she looks—Let red be worn with yellow — blue with green—Crimson with scarlet — violet with blue!Let all your things misfit, and you yourselvesAt inconvenient moments come undone!Let hair-pins lose their virtue: let the hookDisdain the fascination of the eye—The bashful button modestly evadeThe soft embraces of the button-hole!Let old associations all dissolve,Let Swan secede from Edgar — Gask from Gask,Sewell from Cross — Lewis from Allenby!In other words, let Chaos come again!(Coming down) Who lectures in the Hall of Arts to-day?Blanche: I, madam, on Abstract Philosophy.There I propose considering, at length,Three points — The Is, the Might Be, and the Must.Whether the Is, from being actual fact,Is more important than the vague Might Be,Or the Might Be, from taking wider scope,Is for that reason greater than the Is:And lastly, how the Is and Might Be standCompared with the inevitable Must!Princess: The subject's deep — how do you treat it, pray?Blan.: Madam, I take three possibilities,And strike a balance then between the three:As thus: The Princess Ida Is our head,the Lady Psyche Might Be, — Lady Blanche,Neglected Blanche, inevitably Must.Given these three hypotheses — to findThe actual betting against each of them!Princess: Your theme's ambitious: pray you bear in mindWho highest soar fall farthest. Fare you well,You and your pupils! Maidens, follow me.[Exeunt Princessand maidens.ManetLady Blanche.EXEUNT FOR PRINCESS IDA & GIRLS"And thus to Empyrean Height"Chorus: And thus to empyrean heightOf ev'ry kind of lore,In search of wisdom's pure delight,Ambitiously we soar.In trying to achieve successNo envy racks our heart,For all we know and all we guessWe mutually impart!And all the knowledge we possess,We mutually impart,We mutually impart, impart.Blan.: I should command here — I was born to rule,But do I rule? I don't. Why? I don't know.I shall some day. Not yet, I bide my time.I once was Some One — and the Was Will Be.The Present as we speak becomes the Past,The Past repeats itself, and so is Future!This sounds involved. It's not. It's right enough.(Since 1935 the following song has been usually omitted)SONG (Lady Blanche)"Come, mighty Must!"Blanche: Come mighty Must!Inevitable Shall!In thee I trust.Time weaves my coronal!Go, mocking Is!Go, disappointing Was!That I am thisYe are the cursed cause!Ye are the cursed cause!Yet humble second shall be first,I weanAnd dead and buried be the curstHas Been!Oh, weak Might Be!Oh, May, Might, Could, Would, Should!How pow'rless yeFor evil or for good!In ev'ry senseYour moods I cheerless call.Whate'er your tenseYe are imperfect all.Ye have deceiv'd the trust I've shownIn ye!Ye have deceiv'd the trust I've shownIn ye!I've shown in ye!Away! The Mighty Must aloneShall be![ExitLady Blanche[Enter Hilarion, Cyril, and Florian, climbing over wall, and creep-ing cautiously among the trees and rocks at the backofthe stage.]TRIO (Cyril, Hilarion and Florian)"Gently, gently"All: Gently, gently,EvidentlyWe are safe so far,After scalingFence and paling,Here, at last, we are!Florian: In this college,Useful knowledgeEv'rywhere one finds,And already,Growing steady,We've enlarged our mindsCyril: We learnt that prickly cactusHas power to attract usWhen we fall.All: When we fall!Hilarion: That nothing man unsettlesLike a bed of stinging nettles,Short or tall.All: Short or tall!Florian: That bull-dogs feed on throttles—That we don't like broken bottlesOn a wall.All: On a wall!Hilarion: That spring-guns breathe defiance!And that burglary's a scienceAfter all!All: After all!Florian: A Woman's college! maddest folly going!What can girls learn within its walls worthknowing?I'll lay a crown (the Princess shall decide it)I'll teach them twice as much in half-an-houroutside it.Hilarion: Hush, scoffer; ere you sound your puny thunder,List to their aims, and bow your head in wonder!They intend to send a wireTo the moonCyril &Florian: To the moon;Hilarion: And they'll set the Thames on fireVery soonCyril &Florian: Very soon;Hilarion: Then they'll learn to make silk pursesWith their rigsCyril &Florian: With their rigs.Hilarion: From the ears of Lady Circe'sPiggy-wigsCyril &Florian: Piggy-wigs.Hilarion: And weasels at their slumbersThey trepanCyril &Florian: They trepan;Hilarion: To get sunbeams from cucumbersThey've a planCyril& Florian: They've a plan.Hilarion: They've a firmly rooted notionThey can cross the Polar Ocean,And they'll find Perpetual Motion,If they canAll: If they can.These are the phenomenaThat ev'ry pretty dominaIs hoping at her Universitee we shall see.These are the phenomenaThat ev'ry pretty dominaIs hoping at her Universitee we shall see!Cyril: As for fashion, they forswear it,So they sayHilarion &Florian: So they say;Cyril: And the circle — they will square itSome fine dayHilarion &Florian: Some fine day;Cyril: Then the little pigs they're teachingFor to flyHilarion &Florian: For to fly;Cyril: And the niggers they'll be bleaching,By and byHilarion &Florian: By and by!Cyril: Each newly joined aspirantTo the clanHilarion &Florian: To the clanCyril: Must repudiate the tyrantKnown as ManHilarion &Florian: Known as Man.Cyril: They'll mock at him and flout him,For they do not care about himAnd they're "going to do without him"If they canAll: If they can!These are the phenomenaThat ev'ry pretty dominaIs hoping at her Universitee we shall see.These are the phenomenaThat ev'ry pretty dominaIs hoping at her Universitee we shall see!Hilarion: So that's the Princess Ida's castle! Well,They must be lovely girls, indeed, if it requiresSuch walls as those to keep intruders off!Cyril: To keep men off is only half their charge,And that the easier half. I much suspectThe object of these walls is not so muchTo keep men off as keep the maidens in!Florian: But what are these? (Examining some Collegiate robes)Hilarion: (looking at them) Why, Academic robes,Worn by the lady undergraduatesWhen they matriculate. Let's try them on. (They doso.)Why, see — we're covered to the very toes.Three lovely lady undergraduatesWho, weary of the world and all its wooing — (pose)Florian: And penitent for deeds there's no undoing — (pose)Cyril: Looked at askance by well-conducted maids — (pose)All: Seek sanctuary in these classic shades!TRIO (Cyril, Hilarion and Florian)"I am a maiden"Hilarion: I am a maiden, cold and stately,Heartless I, with face divine.What do I want with a heart, innately?Every heart I meet is mine!Every heart I meet is mine, is mine!All: Haughty, humble, coy, or free,Little care I what maid may be.So that a maid is fair to see,Ev'ry maid is the maid for me!(Dance)Cyril: I am a maiden, frank and simple,Brimming with joyous roguery;Merriment lurks in ev'ry dimpleNobody breaks more hearts than I!Nobody breaks more hearts, more hearts thanIAll: Haughty, humble, coy, or free,Little care I what maid may be.So that a maid is fair to see,Ev'ry maid is the maid for me!(Dance)Florian: I am a maiden coyly blushing,Timid am I as a startled hind;Every suitor sets me flushing,Every suitor sets me flushing:I am the maid that wins mankind!All: Haughty, humble, coy, or free,Little care I what maid may be.So that a maid is fair to see,Ev'ry maid is the maid for me!Haughty, humble, coy, or free,Little care I what maid may be.So that a maid is fair to see,Ev'ry maid is the maid for me![Enter the Princess, reading. She does notsee them.)Florian: But who comes here? The Princess, as I live!What shall we do?Hilarion: (Aside) Why, we must brave it out!(Aloud) Madam, accept our humblest reverence.(They bow, then suddenly recollectingthemselves, curtsey.)Princess: (Surprised) We greet you, ladies. What would youwith us?Hilarion: (Aside to Cyril)What shall I say? (Aloud) We are three students,ma'am,Three well-born maids of liberal estate,Who wish to join this University.(Hilarion and Florian curtsey again. Cyril bowsextravagantly,then, being recalled to himself by Florian,curtseys.)Princess: If, as you say, you wish to join our ranks,And will subscribe to all our rules, 'tis well.Florian: To all your rules we cheerfully subscribe.Princess: You say you're noblewomen. Well, you'll findNo sham degrees for noblewomen here.You'll find no sizars here, or servitors,Or other cruel distinctions, meant to drawA line 'twixt rich and poor; you'll find no tuftsTo mark nobility, except such tuftsAs indicate nobility of brain.As for your fellow-students, mark me well:There are a hundred maids within these walls,All good, all learned, and all beautiful:They are prepared to love you: will you swearTo give the fullness of your love to them?Hilarion: Upon our words and honours, Ma'am, we will!Princess: But we go further: Will you undertakeThat you will never marry any man?Florian: Indeed we never will!Princess: Consider well,You must prefer our maids to all mankind!Hilarion: To all mankind we much prefer your maids!Cyril: We should be dolts indeed, if we did not, seeing howfair —Hilarion: (Aside to Cyril) Take care — that's rather strong!Princess: But have you left no lovers at your homeWho may pursue you here?Hilarion: No, madam, none.We're homely ladies, as no doubt you see,And we have never fished for lover's love.We smile at girls who deck themselves with gems,False hair and meretricious ornament,To chain the fleeting fancy of a man,But do not imitate them. What we haveOf hair, is all our own. Our colour, too,Unladylike, but not unwomanly,Is Nature's handiwork, and man has learntTo reckon Nature an impertinence.Princess: Well, beauty counts for naught within these walls;If all you say is true, you'll pass with usA happy, happy time!Cyril: If, as you say,A hundred lovely maidens wait within,To welcome us with smiles and open arms,I think there's very little doubt we shall!QUARTET (Princess, Cyril, Hilarion and Florian)"The World is But a Broken Toy"Princess: The world is but a broken toy,Its pleasure hollow — false its joy,Unreal its loveliest hue,Alas!Its pains alone are true,Alas!Its pains alone are true.Hilarion: The world is ev'rything you say,The world we think has had its day.Its merriment is slow.Alas!We've tried it, and we know,Alas!We've tried it and we know.All: Unreal its loveliest hue,Its pains alone are true,Princess: Alas!All: The world is but a broken toy,Its pleasure hollow — false its joy,Unreal its loveliest hue,Alas!Its pains alone are true,Alas!Its pains alone are true!Florian: Unreal its loveliest hue,3 Men: Unreal its loveliest hue,Princess: Cyr. & Flor: A- Hilarion: Un-Un- las! real itsloveliest huereal—- Alas! Alas!——-—— its loveliest hueAll: Alas!Alas!Its pains alone are true.(Exit Princess. The three Gentlemenwatch her off.Lady Psyche enters, and regards them withamazement)Hilarion: I'faith, the plunge is taken, gentlemen!For, willy-nilly, we are maidens now,And maids against our will we must remain.[All laughheartily.]Psyche: (Aside) These ladies are unseemly in their mirth.(The gentlemen see her, and, in confusion,resume theirmodestdemeanour.)Florian: (Aside) Here's a catastrophe, Hilarion!This is my sister! She'll remember me,Though years have passed since she and I have met!Hilarion: (Aside to Florian) Then make a virtue of necessity,And trust our secret to her gentle care.Florian: (To Psyche, who has watched Cyril in amazement)Psyche! Why, don't you know me? Florian!Psyche: (Amazed) Why, Florian!Florian: My sister! (Embraces her)Psyche: Oh, my dear! What are you doing here — and who arethese?Hilarion: I am that Prince Hilarion to whomYour Princess is betrothed. I come to claimHer plighted love. Your brother FlorianAnd Cyril came to see me safely through.Psyche: The Prince Hilarion? Cyril too? How strange!My earliest playfellows!Hilarion: Why, let me look!Are you that learned little Psyche whoAt school alarmed her mates because she calledA buttercup "ranunculus bulbosus"?Cyril: Are you indeed that Lady Psyche, whoAt children's parties, drove the conjuror wild,Explaining all his tricks before he did them?Hilarion: Are you that learned little Psyche, whoAt dinner parties, brought in to dessert,Would tackle visitors with "You don't knowWho first determined longitude — I do —Hipparchus 'twas — B. C. one sixty-three!"Are you indeed that small phenomenon?Psyche: That small phenomenon indeed am I!But gentlemen, 'tis death to enter here:We have all promised to renounce mankind!Florian: Renounce mankind!? On what ground do you baseThis senseless resolution?Psyche: Senseless? No.We are all taught, and, being taught, believeThat Man, sprung from an Ape, is Ape at heart.Cyril: That's rather strong.Psyche: The truth is always strong!SONG (Lady Psyche, with Cyril, Hilarion and Florian)"A Lady Fair, of Lineage High"Psyche: A Lady fair, of lineage high,Was loved by an Ape, in the days gone by.The Maid was radiant as the sun,The Ape was a most unsightly one,The Ape was a most unsightly one—So it would not do—His scheme fell through,For the Maid, when his love took formal shape,Express'd such terrorAt his monstrous error,That he stammer'd an apology and made his 'scape,The picture of a disconcerted Ape.With a view to rise in the social scale,He shaved his bristles and he docked his tail,He grew mustachios, and he took his tub,And he paid a guinea to a toilet club,He paid a guinea to a toilet club—But it would not do,The scheme fell through—For the Maid was Beauty's fairest Queen,With golden tresses,Like a real princess's,While the Ape, despite his razor keen,Was the apiest Ape that ever was seen!He bought white ties, and he bought dress suits,He crammed his feet into bright tight boots—And to start in life on a brand-new plan,He christen'd himself Darwinian Man!But it would not do,The scheme fell through—For the Maiden fair, whom the monkey crav'd,Was a radiant Being,With brain far-seeing—While Darwinian Man, though well-behav'd,At best is only a monkey shav'd!3 Men: For the Maiden fair, whom the monkey crav'd,All: Was a radiant being,With a brain far-seeing—While Darwinian Man, though well-behav'd,At best is only a monkey shav'd!(During this, Melissa has enteredunobserved;she looks on inamazement.)Melissa: (Coming down) Oh, Lady Psyche!Psyche: (Terrified) What! You heard us then?Oh, all is lost!Melissa: Not so! I'll breathe no word!(Advancing in astonishment to Florian)How marvelously strange! and are you thenIndeed young men?Florian: Well, yes, just now we are—But hope by dint of study to become,In course of time, young women.Melissa: (Eagerly) No, no, no —Oh, don't do that! Is this indeed a man?I've often heard of them, but, till to-day,Never set eyes on one. They told me menWere hideous, idiotic, and deformed!They are quite as beautiful as women are!As beautiful, they're infinitely more so!Their cheeks have not that pulpy softness whichOne gets so weary of in womankind:Their features are more marked — and — oh, theirchins!(Feeling Florian's chin)How curious!Florian: I fear it's rather rough.Melissa: (Eagerly) Oh, don't apologize — I like it so!QUINTET (Psyche, Melissa, Cyril, Hilarion and Florian)"The Woman of the Wisest Wit"Psyche: The woman of the wisest winMay sometimes be mistaken, O!In Ida's views, I must admit,My faith is somewhat shaken O!Cyril: On every other point than thisHer learning is untainted, O!But Man's a theme with which she isEntirely unacquainted, O!—acquainted, O!—acquainted, O!Entirely unacquainted, O!All: Then jump for joy and gaily bound,The truth is found — the truth is found!Set bells a-ringing through the air—Ring here and there and ev'rywhere—3 Men: And echo forth the joyous sound,All: The truth is found — the truth is found!3 Men: And echo forth the joyous sound,All: The truth is found — the truth is found!And echo forth the joyous sound,The truth is found — the truth is found!(Dance)Melissa: My natural instinct teaches me(And instinct is important, O!)You're ev'rything you ought to be,And nothing that you oughtn't, O!Hilarion: That fact was seen at once by youIn casual conversation, O!Which is most creditable toYour powers of observation, O!-servation, O!-servation, O!Your powers of observation, O!All: Then jump for joy and gaily bound,The truth is found, the truth is found!Set bells a-ringing through the air,Ring here and there and ev'rywhere.3 Men: And echo forth the joyous sound,All: The truth is found — the truth is found!3 Men: And echo forth the joyous sound,All: The truth is found — the truth is found!And echo forth the joyous sound,The truth is found — the truth is found!(Exeunt Psyche, Hilarion, Cyriland Florian,Melissa going.)(EnterLady Blanche.Blanche: Melissa!Melissa: (Returning) Mother!Blanche: Here — a word with you.Those are the three new students?Melissa: (Confused) Yes, they are.They're charming girls.Blanche: Particularly so.So graceful, and so very womanly!So skilled in all a girl's accomplishments!Melissa: (Confused) Yes — very skilled.Blanche: They sing so nicely too!Melissa: They do sing nicely!Blanche: Humph! It's very odd.Two are tenors, one is a baritone!Melissa: (Much agitated) They've all got colds!Blanche: Colds! Bah! D'ye think I'm blind?These "girls" are men disguised!Melissa: Oh no — indeed!You wrong these gentlemen — I mean — why, see,Here is an etui dropped by one of them (picking up anetui).Containing scissors, needles, and —Blanche: (Opening it) Cigars!Why, these are men! And you knew this, you minx!Melissa: Oh, spare them — they are gentlemen indeed.The Prince Hilarion (married years agoTo Princess Ida) with two trusted friends!Consider, mother, he's her husband now,And has been, twenty years! Consider, too,You're only second here — you should be first.Assist the Prince's plan, and when he gainsThe Princess Ida, why, you will be first.You will design the fashions — think of that—And always serve out all the punishments!The scheme is harmless, mother — wink at it!Blanche: (Aside) The prospect's tempting! Well, well, well,I'll try —Though I've not winked at anything for years!'Tis but one step towards my destiny—The mighty Must! the inevitable Shall!DUET (Melissa and Lady Blanche)"Now Wouldn't you like to Rule the Roast"Melissa: Now wouldn't you like to rule the roastAnd guide this University?Blanche: I must agree,'Twould pleasant be,(Sing hey, a Proper Pride!)Melissa: And wouldn't you like to clear the coast,Of malice and perversity?Blanche: Without a doubt,I'll bundle 'em out,(Sing hey, when I preside!)Both: Sing hey!Sing hoity toity! Sorry for some!Sing marry, come up, and (my) her day will come!Sing Proper PrideIs the horse to ride,And Happy-go-lucky, my Lady, O!Blanche: For years I've writhed beneath her sneers,Although a born Plantagenet!Melissa: You're much too meek,Or you would speak(Sing hey, I'll say no more!)Blanche: Her elder I, by several years,Although you'd ne'er imagine it.Melissa: Sing, so I've heardBut never a wordHave I e'er believ'd before!Both: Sing hey!Sing hoity toity! Sorry for some!Sing marry, come up, and her (my) day will come!Sing, she shall learnThat a worm will turn.Sing Happy-go-lucky, my Lady, O!(ExitLady Blanche)Melissa: Saved for a time, at least!(Enter Florian,on tiptoe)Florian: (Whispering) Melissa — come!Melissa: Oh, sir! you must away from this at once—My mother guessed your sex! It was my fault—I blushed and stammered so that she exclaimed,"Can these be men?" Then, seeing this, "Why these—""Are men", she would have added, but "are men"Stuck in her throat! She keeps your secret, sir,For reasons of her own — but fly from thisAnd take me with you — that is — no — not that!Florian: I'll go, but not without you! (Bell) Why, what'sthat?Melissa: The luncheon bell.Florian: I'll wait for luncheon then!(Enter Hilarion with Princess,Cyril withPsyche, Lady Blanche andladies. Also"Daughters of the Plough" bearingluncheon.)CHORUS OF GIRLS & SOLOS (Blanche and Cyril)"Merrily Ring the Luncheon Bell"Chorus: Merrily ring the luncheon bell!Merrily ring the luncheon bell!Here in meadow of asphodel,Feast we body and mind as well,Merrily ring the luncheon1st Sops: 2nd Sops:bell! - - - —- bell! Oh merrilyRing - - - —- ring the luncheonoh, —- bell, Ohring, - - - —- merrily, merrily,merrily,Oh, —- merrilyChorus: Merrily ring the luncheon bell, the luncheonbell!Blanche: Hunger, I beg to state,Is highly indelicate.This is a fact profoundly true,So learn your appetites to subdue.All: Yes, yes,We'll learn our appetites to subdue!Cyril: Madam, your words so wise,Nobody should despise,Curs'd with appetite keen I amAnd I'll subdue it—And I'll subdue it—I'll subdue it with cold roast lamb!All: Yes — yes—We'll subdue it with cold roast lamb!Merrily ring the luncheon bell!Merrily ring the luncheon bell!Oh1st Sops: ring! - - - —- 2nd Sophs: merrily,merrily,Oh, merrily,merrilyChorus: Merrily ring the luncheon bell, the luncheonbell!Princess: You say you know the court of Hildebrand?There is a Prince there — I forget his name —Hilarion: Hilarion?Princess: Exactly — is he well?Hilarion: If it be well to droop and pine and mope,To sigh "Oh, Ida! Ida!" all day long,"Ida! my love! my life! Oh, come to me!"If it be well, I say, to do all this,Then Prince Hilarion is very well.Princess: He breathes our name? Well, it's a common one!And is the booby comely?Hilarion: Pretty well.I've heard it said that if I dressed myselfIn Prince Hilarion's clothes (supposing thisConsisted with my maiden modesty),I might be taken for Hilarion's self.But what is this to you or me, who thinkOf all mankind with undisguised contempt?Princess: Contempt? Why, damsel, when I think of man,Contempt is not the word.Cyril: (Getting tipsy) I'm sure of that,Or if it is, it surely should not be!Hilarion: (Aside to Cyril) Be quiet, idiot, or they'll find usout.Cyril: The Prince Hilarion's a goodly lad!Princess: You know him then?Cyril: (Tipsily) I rather think I do!We are inseparables!Princess: Why, what's this?You love him then?Cyril: We do indeed — allthree!Hilarion: Madam, she jests! (Aside to Cyril) Remember whereyouare!Cyril: Jests? Not at all! Why, bless my heart alive,You and Hilarion, when at the Court,Rode the same horse!Princess: (Horrified) Astride?Cyril: Of course! Why not?Wore the same clothes — and once or twice, I think,Got tipsy in the same good company!Princess: Well, these are nice young ladies, on my word!Cyril: (Tipsy) Don't you remember that old kissing-songHe'd sing to blushing Mistress Lalage,The hostess of the Pigeons? Thus it ran:SONG (Cyril)"Would you know the Kind of Maid"(During symphony Hilarion andFlorian try tostop Cyril. He shakes themoff angrily.)Cyril: Would you know the kind of maidSets my heart aflame-a?Eyes must be downcast and staid,Cheeks must flush for shame-a!She may neither dance nor sing,But, demure in everything,Hang her head in modest way,With pouting lips, with pouting lipsthatseem to say,"Oh kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me,Though I die of shame-a!"Please you, that's the kind of maidSets my heart aflame-a!"Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me,Though I die of shame-a!"Please you, that's the kind of maidSets my heart aflame-a!When a maid is bold and gay,With a tongue goes clang-a,Flaunting it in brave array,Maiden may go hang-aSunflow'r gay and holly-hockNever shall my garden stock;Mine the blushing rose of May,With pouting lips, with pouting lipsthatseem to say,"Oh kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me,Though I die for shame-a!"Please you, that's the kind of maidSets my heart aflame-a!"Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me,Though I die of shame-a!"Please you, that's the kind of maidSets my heart aflame-a!Princess: Infamous creature, get you hence away!(Hilarion, Who has been with difficultyrestrained byFlorian during this song, breaks from himand strikesCyril furiously onthe breast.)Hilarion: Dog! There is something more to sing about!Cyril: (Sobered) Hilarion, are you mad?Princess: (Horrified) Hilarion? Help!Why, these are men! Lost! lost! betrayed, undone!(Running onto bridge)Girls, get you hence! Man-monsters, if you dareApproach one step, I —- Ah!(Loses her balance and falls intothe stream)Psyche: Oh! Save her, sir!Blanche: It's useless, sir — you'll only catch your death!(Hilarionsprings in.)Sach.: He catches her!Melissa: And now he lets her go!Again she's in his grasp—Psyche: And now she's not,He seizes her back hair!Blanche: (Not looking) And it comes off!Psyche: No, no! She's saved!—she's saved! she'ssaved!—she'ssaved!FINALE, ACT II(Princess, Hildebrand, Melissa, Lady Psyche, Blanche,Cyril, Hilarion, Florian, Arac, Guron, Scynthius andChorus of Girls and Men )"Oh Joy! our Chief is Sav'd"Girls: Oh joy! our chief is sav'dAnd by Hillarion's hand;The torrent fierce he brav'd,And brought her safe to land!For his intrusion we must ownThis doughty deed may well atone!Princess: Stand forth ye three,Who-e'er ye be,And hearken to our stern decree!Cyril, &Florian: Have mercy, O Lady Hilarion:Havedisregard your Mer—oaths! cy!Princess: I know no mercy, men in women's clothes!The man whose sacrilegious eyesInvade our strict seclusion, dies.Arrest the coarse intruding spies!(They are arrested by the "Daughters ofthe Plough")Girls: Have mercy, O lady — disregard your oaths.Princess: I know not mercy, men in women's clothes!(Cyril & Florianare bound)SONG — HilarionHilarion: Whom thou has chain'd must wear his chain,Thou canst not set him free,He wrestles with his bonds in vainWho lives by loving thee!If heart of stone for heart of fire,Be all thou hast to give,If dead to my heart's desire,Why should I wish to live?Cyr & Flo: Have Girls: Havemercy, O Mer-lady! cy!Hilarion: No word of thine — no stern commandCan teach my heart to rove,Then rather perish by thy hand,Than live without thy love!A loveless life apart from theeWere hopeless slavery,Were hopeless slavery,If kindly death will set me free,Why should I fear to die?Girls: Have mercy!Hilarion: If kindly deathGirls: Have mercy!Hilarion: will set me free,If kindly death will set me free,Why should I fear,Why should I fear to die?(He is bound by two of the attendants, the three gentlemen aremarched off.)(Enter Melissa)Melissa: Madam, without the castle wallsAn armed bandDemand admittance to our hallsFor Hildebrand!All: Oh, horror!Princess: Defy them!We will defy them!All: Too late — too late!The castle gateIs battered by them!(The gate yields. Soldiers rush in. Arac, Guron, and Scynthius arewith them, but with their hands handcuffed.Men: Walls and fences scaling,Promptly we appear;Walls are unavailing,We have enter'd here.Female exaceration.Stifle if you're wise.Stop your lamentations,Dry your pretty, prettyGirls: Rend the air with wailing. Men: eyes!Shed the shameful tear!Man has enter'd here.Walls are unavailing.Girls: Rend the Men: Walls andair fenceswith scaling,wail——— Promptly we appear;————— Walls are unavailing.ing. We have enter'd here.Shed Female exe-the cration.shame- Stifle ifful tear! you're wise.Man Stop your lament-has ation,en- Dry your pret-ter'd tyhere! eyes. OWalls are stop yourun- lament-a- ation,vail- Dry your pretty prettying. eyes! Female exe-Man cration. Stiflehas if you'reen- wise. Stop your lament-ter'd ation, Dry your prettyhere! eyes.(Enter Hildebrand)RECITATIVEPrincess: Audacious tyrant, do you dareTo beard a maiden in her lair?Hildebd: Since you inquire,We've no desireTo beard a maiden here, or anywhere!Soldiers: No, no. We've no desireTo beard a maiden here or anywhere!SOLO — HildebrandHildebd: Some years ago,No doubt you know(And if you don't I'll tell you so)You gave your trothUpon your oathTo Hilarion my son.A vow you makeYou must not break,(If you think you may, it's a great mistake),For a bride's a brideThough the knot were tiedAt the early age of one!And I'm a peppery kind of King,Whose indisposed for parleyingTo fit the wit of a bit of chit,And that's the long and the short ofit!Soldiers: For he's a peppery kind of King,Whose indisposed for parleyingTo fit the wit of a bit of chit,And that's the long and the short of it!Hildebd: If you decideTo pocket your prideAnd let Hilarion claim his bride,Why, well and good,It's understoodWe'll let bygones go by—But if you chooseTo sulk in the bluesI'll make the whole of you shake in your shoes.I'll storm your walls,And level your halls,In the winking of an eye!For I'm a peppery Potentate,Who's little inclined his claim tobate,To fit the wit of a bit of a chit,And thats the long and the short ofit!Soldiers: For he's a peppery Potentate,Whose indisposed for parleying,To fit the wit of a bit of chit,And that's the long and the short of it!TRIO — Arac, Guron & ScynthiusAll 3: We may remark, though nothing canDismay us,That if you thwart this gentleman,He'll slay us.We don't fear death, of course — we're taughtTo shame it;But still upon the whole we thoughtWe'd name it.(To each other)Scynthius: Yes!Guron: Yes!Arac: Yes!All 3: Better p'r'aps to name it.Our interests we would not pressWith chatter,Three hulking brothers more or lessDon't matter;If you'd pooh-pooh this monarch's planPooh-pooh it,But when he says he'll hang a man,He'll do it.(To each other)Scynthius: Yes!Guron: Yes!Arac: Yes!All 3: Devil doubt he'll do it.Princess: Be reassured, nor fear his anger blind,His menaces are idle as the wind.He dares not kill you — vengeance lurks behind!3 Knights: We rather think he dares, but never mind!Hildebd: I 3 Knights:rather No!think I No!dare, but No!never, never mind! never never mind!Enough ofNo,parley no,never nev-as a erspe- mind!cialNo!boon. no! never, never mind!We give you till tomorrowafternoon;