The captain of the watch thought it would never do for his master to arrive home in his present frame of mind, for if he did, there would be, as sailors say, "The devil to pay, and no pitch hot." The other watch, too, would be sure to take advantage of the cloudy state of the weather to stir up strife and discord, and no stone ought to be left unturned to prevent this; so old Dogvane thought. He fully believed with that clever, funny little fellow, the cook, that the other watch were a greedy lot of office grabbers. Their hunger, perhaps, might be in a measure accounted for by the small amount of food they received of that particular kind.
The bold Buccaneer paced the deck in moody silence, and ever and anon turned a look back to the land of ruin he had left behind him. The words of the gipsy were still ringing in his ears. Old Dogvane was at the wheel, and he anxiously watched the old rover's face. The Buccaneer when in anger was not unlike a thunder storm. He made almost as much noise, he was quite as destructive, and nearly as uncontrollable; but if left alone he in time worked himself out, and after the storm, came the proverbial calm.
The canny old captain having waited a while, watched his opportunity, and he made bold to speak, couching his language in the most respectful terms; but first of all to attract attention he muttered something to himself.
"What is that thou sayest?" asked the Buccaneer, stopping short in his walk.
"Nothing sir, nothing," was Dogvane's reply; "I was merely thinking as it were, to myself, of the land we have just left behind us, and I was saying to myself, sir, only to myself, that needs must when the devil drives." It would be difficult to know to what the captain's words had reference. In all probability he did not know himself, but an old saying is generally a safe one, for it may mean much or little, or even nothing at all.
"In what way are you heading now, Master Dogvane?" asked the Buccaneer.
This gave the old captain the opportunity he had been looking for.
"You see, sir," he replied, "it is all very well for this Egyptian hag to curse; but I was driven by necessity to do what I did, and indirectly, if not directly, the other watch are responsible for the blood that has been shed."
"Still on the old tack, Master Dogvane; still on the old tack? Will you be for ever putting the saddle upon other backs but your own?"
"Heaven forbid that I should accuse any body of men wrongfully; but the other watch have, or seem to have an especial aptitude for getting into scrapes. They are a quarrelsome lot and their captain has a proud stomach. But look you, master, at this Egyptian baggage. See what a disorderly house she kept; I will not say disreputable, for God forbid that I should take away any woman's character. But her house was such a disgrace to all concerned, that we had to interfere. The Arab is a brave man; but he is a heathen, and full of atrocity; a follower of an impostor, what then if we slew a few of them; if by doing so we saved, as the saying is, our own bacon? For the same reason we, as I have already said, put your beloved son into a pit, and no doubt, he would have been saved even as Joseph was, only a little thing prevented it, he was slain in the meantime. Had it not been for this little accident, I have every reason to believe that he would have risen far higher than ever Joseph did in the Egyptian household." The Buccaneer was now sitting upon the after-sky-light, and became an attentive listener to the captain, who continued:
"Even as Joshua discomfited Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword, so have we the black population of the Soudan. The heathen furiously raged, and we smote them hip and thigh. The cross has again triumphed over the crescent."
This allusion to the Buccaneer's religion was a happy one, but who knew the master better than Dogvane? Was Dogvane then a humbug? Good people all, upon this subject there will be a diversity of opinion, for his enemies accused him of many worse things than being a humbug, while his friends and admirers were ready to canonize him as a saint. The true course, perhaps, lay in the middle of the stream. Dogvane continued, "Have you so little love for your religion, sir, that the slaughtering of a few thousands of infidels causes you remorse, and sorrow? Why in olden days you slew thousands of Christians without the smallest compunction; why then cry over the spilling of a little infidel blood? Time was, sir, when you would have regarded the affair otherwise. For every one of your sons killed, I dare swear a thousand Arabs have fallen, leaving the balance largely in favour of Christianity, and so clearing the ground ready for a purer faith. The weeds have been torn up by the roots, so that flowers may be sown. What though we did kill a few thousands of people, did not Pekah, king of Israel, slay in Judea, one hundred and twenty thousand persons in one day? Would any one say Pekah did wrong?" The Buccaneer was mollified. It no doubt flattered his vanity being compared to the ancient king of Israel.
"But she called me a hypocrite; a Christian masquerader, Dogvane," he said.
"Who, sir, would ever think of paying the slightest attention to what an angry woman says? Why ten to one if we were to return there now, you would find there had been a heavy fall of rain and all was sunshine again, and if you taxed her with her words, she would swear she had never used them."
"I would even now retrace my way to yonder land, that is just sinking below the horizon, if I thought it would be as you say."
"Counting upon the extreme uncertainty of a woman's mind, I have no doubt it would be so, and if my master wishes it, about we go. But stay, second thoughts they say are best. This Mediterranean is a treacherous sea. Storms often rising beneath the serenest sky. Besides, it would ill become one in my master's position of high respectability to dally away his time as Mark Antony did in this self-same land. A woman, sir, is far more dangerous in her softer moods than in her anger. It is under the mellowing influence of a smile that the hardest men fall. We had better keep our head pointed homewards. Then, sir, we can retrace our steps at our own convenience, and receive from the Egyptian gipsy's cooler mind the thanks we deserve. These Easterns are a prolific race, and multiply as fast as flies. To lop off the surplus population with the sword is a benefit. A tree is all the better for the occasional application of the knife."
Thus did Dogvane clear away the anger from his master's mind. He played upon all his weaknesses, and he approached him above all on the side of his religion, and, as will appear hereafter, on the side also of his trade which touched him more nearly even than his religion. Perhaps one side of religion is not, nor has it been in the past, fully appreciated. It has always proved an instrument to work off the surplus population. Even that gentlest and most peaceful of all, that religion which was breathed out over the world, near two thousand years ago, has often and often, been dragged in to sanction, and sanctify, the bloodiest and, at times, the most unholy of wars. As people will bring forth and multiply, in obedience to Divine command, it is fortunate that pestilence and famine have so able an ally to keep in check the flood of human nature.
Dogvane, finding he was master of the situation, said: "I had in Egypt, sir, as I told you, a deep and subtle game, but of that, no matter. If your old servant has displeased you, shift watches, say I, and joy to those who come after us."
Of course there was no better way to obtain a hearing than to excite the Buccaneer's curiosity and then stop short. The trick succeeded, for Dogvane was at first asked and then entreated, or rather commanded, to disclose his policy. Having stowed away his quid in the lining of his hat, and expectorated freely over the ship's side, as every honest sailor should, before commencing a lengthy yarn, the captain thus began. It has been mentioned that at a yarn he could not be beaten.
"Day and night, sir," he said, "my thoughts dwell upon your affairs, and we often sit up late on board the old Ship of State discussing them. Often, and often has broad-faced day looked in upon our counsels."
"I am sorry to hear, Master Dogvane, that the Ojabberaways indulge at times in rebellion, and even indecent conduct on board the old ship. If they are not very careful I shall punish them. I shall stop their grog; but proceed."
"The Ojabberaways do at times, sir, make use of unseemly language; but it is their bringings up. I cannot deny between ourselves that our trade has been falling off. Our neighbours have learnt very much; they have in a measure overtaken us, and unless we are careful, sir, they will beat us on our own ground."
"But when the other watch said this, Master Dogvane, you stoutly denied it."
"That was done, sir, as a matter of principle. Of course we could not conscientiously admit anything to be right that the other watch said. But there are other grounds, sir, for silence; for to use a homely proverb, it is never wise to cry stinking fish. That holds good all the world over. In the management of one's private affairs silence is golden. Our trade is undoubtedly depressed. Boots, shoes and woollen stuffs may be up, as our doughty carpenter said, but other things are sadly down. It cannot be denied, for instance, that the demand for heathen gods has sadly fallen off in recent years."
"Have the labours then of my missionaries been crowned with such success? Are infidels turning from the errors of their ways, Master Dogvane?"
"Heaven only knows, sir! the fact remains the same; whether it is that the endeavours of your missionaries have been blessed; or whether it is that the gods made at your great idol manufactery of Brummagem are not up to the usual standard of perfection I know not; but there it is, heathen gods are a drug in the market."
"Dogvane, this is a most weighty matter, and it must be looked to. Idolatry is a dreadful thing; most degraded and very much to be condemned; but it is better than nothing, and until the heathen become converted it would not be well, nay it would be cruel to take from them whatever little comfort they may find in their brazen images. To counteract any evil influence that may arise from the worship of these things, Dogvane, order my State Church to purify the idols before they leave our shores. Give instructions, Dogvane, directly we arrive home, to our High Priest to this effect. Command him to have solemn prayers and fastings, so that they may, all of them, be the better able to wrestle with the devil. It would be as well also, Dogvane, to bid the rich amongst them to share what they have with their poorer brethren, who will be the better able to pray when their minds are not distracted by the emptiness of their stomachs, for we hear there are poor amongst them. Let all my divines of every denomination humble themselves before their God. Why that troubled look, Master Dogvane?"
"This is a delicate matter, sir. I have noticed the ecclesiastical temper does not brook much interference. It does not appear to me that they care very much about humbling themselves. Had that young rascal, Random Jack, belonged to our watch this would have been again a favourable opportunity for him to show his zeal and courage."
"Dogvane, I notice a disposition in you at times to shirk your duty," the Buccaneer said.
"Master, not another word. I will brave the displeasure of all your many religious denominations rather than you should harbour such a thought about old Bill Dogvane."
"Bid, then, my priest pray over these idols, sprinkling them well with holy water. Who knows, Dogvane, but that some good may thus be done? These brazen images being blessed by our pious divines may carry into the midst of the heathen some subtle influence, and by some mysterious agency they may be converted even at the very time they are praying to their false gods. Dogvane, it is worth the trial, and at any cost we must prevent the trade from falling into the hands of our unscrupulous and unconscientious neighbours." The Buccaneer was silent for a few moments, then he said: "Dogvane, I am fully convinced that even in this world sin brings its own punishment; and this falling off in our trade in idols may be due entirely to a falling off in the article. Have you received any information of a confidential nature that either France or Germany or our cousin Jonathan have gone in for this industry?"
"No, sir, I have no official communication on the subject; though Jonathan has that turn for business that he would manufacture anything from a tin pin to a brazen image; while, if it would only pay, he would turn out devils by the thousand."
"You may depend upon it, Dogvane, that this depression in our trade is owing either to the inferiority or costliness of the article. Here lies the keystone of our mercantile failures."
"Then, sir, there are other things. Our cotton stuffs hang heavy upon our hands. In fact, we want fresh fields for all our industries."
"Ah! say you so; where, Master Dogvane, is your remedy for this evil?"
"Sir, the eye of your faithful servant has rested upon the naked population of the Soudan. To clothe this people in our fabrics would take many millions of yards of your cotton stuffs."
"The idea, Dogvane, is certainly a good one, and it pleases me. Let us hasten to put it to the trial lest our neighbours be beforehand with us. Say not a word, Dogvane, of this when we get home, for if the idea gets wind some of our many cheap-Jacks will take possession of it and turn it to account; for, as you say, that fellow Jonathan has a keen eye for business, and if he could he would try to get to windward of his own father. The selfishness of our friends, Dogvane, is always to me a fruitful source of regret. But let us not forget that our primary object is not the selling of our goods at a remunerative price—no, Heaven forbid!—it is the converting of the heathen. The base motive of gain would not make me stir hand or foot in this matter; but to bring these poor benighted savages into our fold, Dogvane, is a worthy ambition. To make them Christians like ourselves, good Dogvane, would be a glorious thing. This, I say, must be our very first consideration. Into our cotton stuffs let there be worked some moral precept; or better still, some prayer. A waistcloth, Dogvane, if used fore and aft would be a suitable table for the Ten Commandments, which would thus be conveniently placed before the eyes of all. In time the seed thus sown on the outside of the black soil may take root inwardly and bring forth much good fruit. By degrees the whole population may become converted, and putting away the habit of barbarism may put on the garb of civilisation, thus opening out for us a wide field whereto to send our industries. Our ales will moisten their parched lips, increase their stamina, and strengthen their inward man. Our spirits, too, will supplant the vile concoctions they at present drink. Being thus strengthened in body and soul, their intellect likewise will become stronger. Their eyes will be opened, and a new and more beautiful world will dawn upon them. It is a grand idea, Dogvane, and well worthy of you. Commence at once. By converting this people we shall reap the reward of millions of fresh consumers. Stop slaughtering, Dogvane; stop at once. It is inhuman, it is cruel; besides they are only fighting for their hearth and home, and what people so base as not to shed their blood in so good a cause? Stay, then, our hand, for by cutting their throats, Master Dogvane, you are contracting the field for our home industries. There is undoubtedly a bright future in front of us, and you, Dogvane, have done much to re-establish yourself in my good opinion."
The Buccaneer was quite elated. His step became buoyant again. The dark cloud that had rested upon his brow passed away. "Soon," he said, "we shall again hear the merry rattle of our looms. Our stills will have fresh life thrown into them. The heavy scent of the hop shall weight our atmosphere; and rest like a grateful fragrance over our island home. Our friend and helpmate, old John Barleycorn, shall lift again his cheery head, and in his train will come, dancing merrily, his hand-maidens, Colombia root, camomile, quassia and cheretta."
The Buccaneer was in such excellent spirits that he began singing an old drinking song of his, to the merits of John Barleycorn, and he made Dogvane join in the chorus. Thus they merrily passed the time, until the look-out man aloft cried out: "Land ho!" and soon the bold coast of the Buccaneer's strong-hold loomed out in the distance.
It is necessary now to shift our scene and to retrace our steps.
Opposite the old Ship of State there stood on the land, a little back from the river, an ancient and old-fashioned public-house. It had a picturesque appearance, with its quaint gable ends and mullioned windows. Its different styles of architecture and its patched walls led you step by step from the present to the remote past, for it was an antique hostelry. It was two storied and had two large chambers, and if the walls of these could speak, they could many a tale unfold. What scenes too they had seen and what noble personages. The old clock that stood sentinel there had ticked many a brave man to his grave. In that old public-house the greatness of the old Sea King had been built up, and the spirit of many a brave lad still haunted the place. A large sign-board swung heavily on a beam, projecting from the wall in front, just above the door. The name of the public-house was written in large letters. It was called theCONSTITUTION; under this there was a scroll, on which was written the Buccaneer's motto, "Dieu et mon Droit," and the whole was surmounted by a crown. This was the favourite resort of both watches, and, in fact, of the whole crew of the Ship of State, Upper Chamber and all. No more respectable, or better conducted house could be found the whole world over. Many thought the Beggar Woman ought to have been the landlady of this ancient establishment, but she was not.
Though well on in the night the Port Watch were still sitting in the snug parlour of the Constitution, sipping their grog, smoking their pipes and yarning over things in general; at the head of the table was the captain, Bob Mainstay, and by his side his first lieutenant, honest Ben Backstay. Many of the other officers were also there, and they were trying to keep their spirits up by pouring spirits down, but they could not do it. Things looked gloomy, and they seemed to see no break in the clouds ahead. But it is said that the longest lane has its turning, and to those that wait all things come. Of one thing they all felt assured, if Bill Dogvane was allowed to keep the helm of the Ship of State much longer the Buccaneer would find things at pretty sixes and sevens. But how was the helm to be taken out of his hands? That was the question.
Their meditations were interrupted by a gentle knock at the door, and on permission being given to come in, the door was gently opened, as if the intruder was not certain of the reception. It was the Beggar Woman. "Kind gentlemen," she said, "will you assist a poor woman? With weary steps I have begged from door to door, but no one will assist me or let me in. A crust of bread, good gentlemen, for the love you bear your country, for I am cold and starved with hunger."
"Come in," cried a dozen voices at once. "It is a shame," one added, "that you should be thus neglected; but what can we do, my lass? So long as the Starboard Watch is aboard the old ship there, things will be as they are."
"Let us have a shift of watches, and then you will see what you will see," said another.
"Cannot you help us, madam," asked the captain, "to oust old Dogvane and his lot? He made up to you, courted you, chucked you under the chin, and then the rascal jilted you. The Port Watch would not have served you so scurvily, you may swear."
"Good gentlemen," replied Patriotism, "the people on shore all turn a deaf ear to my entreaties, or say, anon, anon, good woman, and then hasten away about other business, or to pay their addresses to my rival, Party."
The Port Watch now took the Beggar Woman in tow, for they hoped that she would help them. They all set to discussing the state of affairs, and turned over in their minds different plans of action. What they wanted was a good watchword and a safe cry. When they had been for some time talking over the matter without any satisfactory results; for they had passed in review all their old tactics without deriving very much satisfaction, because, as they all said, they had failed before to dish Dogvane with them, and in all probability they would fail again.
Just as things seemed to look at their worst, the door burst open, and in rushed Random Jack. He was breathless, dripping wet, and his teeth were chattering with cold.
"Hallo!" cried the captain. "What ducking pool have you fallen foul of, my little lad?"
"Mates!" cried Random Jack as he sank down on one of the seats, first of all having carefully removed the crimson cushion for fear of wetting it. "Give me a tot of grog, and make it hot and strong, for I am drenched to the skin, and the very marrow in my bones is frozen. Pretty things I have to tell."
The landlady of the old Constitution public-house was quite distressed to see the poor little middy in such a sorry plight. She was a buxom motherly woman, and nothing would do but she must get him a shift of things, or, as she said, the boy would catch his death of cold. Having brought him a suit of clothes which Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher, had left behind, Random Jack got into them, and though, as he said, they were miles too large, they were better than nothing. He tied the trousers round his neck, thrust his arms through the pockets, and thus saved the necessity of a waistcoat.
"Well, my little man," said the captain. "What is in the wind now?"
Random Jack took a deep draught, and then said: "That is good, and warms the cockles of my heart. Mother," he cried, turning to the landlady, "fill me another glass. Now, my mates, the likes of what I have to tell, you've never heard before. It will make your very hair stand on end, that is, of course, those who have any, and for those who haven't, no matter. Better to follow my example and fortify yourselves with good stiff glasses, three fingers deep, if you take my advice, and little water. No doubt, my mates, you have all read of mutinies, conspiracies, and such like; I have one to tell you about, that will surprise you."
"My goodness!" cried the landlady, as she busied about her orders. "Just hear how the little man talks!"
"Your news, my lad! your news!" came from many, as they one and all eagerly crowded round the little middy.
"Lend all of you, your ears, my mates. Knowing that the governor was from home and that the cunning old fox was with him, I thought I would just stow myself away on board the old ship there, just to see how they passed the watches of the night. Just to see, mates, if I could catch any of the weasels sleeping. Some of them are wide enough awake, I can tell you." Here he winked at the company.
"Throw it off, my lad!" cried the captain. "Don't go beating about the bush, but come to the point at once. So you were a stowaway." They contemplated the little middy with wonder, for most of them had never seen a stowaway before.
Random Jack, being thus exhorted and encouraged to make a clean breast of it, disclosed the whole of the diabolical conspiracy of the cook's caboose, and how it was that he had so frightened Billy Cheeks, the butcher. This part of the proceedings caused no little merriment. Bob Mainstay, having listened to the story from beginning to end, exclaimed, as he slapped his leg: "Mates, I see land ahead. It strikes me we have old Bill on the hip at last. Madam!" he said, turning to the Beggar Woman, who had remained a silent listener to the midshipman's story. "Madam, with your help I think we shall be able to dish old Dogvane. What with the Church Hulk in danger and old Squire Broadacre on the war path, and general discontent all round, the devil must be in it if we cannot clear the ship of its present vermin." The Beggar Woman promised to do her best, for her sympathies were for the most part with the Port Watch; perhaps, because on the whole, they treated her best. She was given an order to get a spic and span new outfit of silks and satins, and she received invitations to many feasts, but frequent adversity made her bear this turn of fortune with becoming modesty.
The Port Watch were now in high spirits and began talking of what they would do when they took charge of the ship. The little middy was highly complimented; and the captain promised to reward his courage and virtue with a good billet. He was pretty well sure now of promotion.
"Who laughs now?" cried Random Jack. "I owe one to Master Dogvane and to Billy Cheeks. The cook, he is a Jack-pudding, and I will baste him well with his own dripping." These were bold words; but the cook did not hear them.
"Now, my lads!" exclaimed the captain, "we must work with a will. Would that our master had returned; but we must make things ready for him when he does. Away some of you on board the old Church Hulk. Wake her crew up, and let your cry be Church in danger. Others of you hasten to the Squire and tell him there are robbers about."
"A toast before we part," cried Random Jack.
"Here is general damnation to old Bill Dogvane, and all his crew!" All laughed, and the toast was drunk with enthusiasm, and they were all just about to separate when some one fired a shell amidst them by saying, "How about the Ojabberaways?"
"To make any compact with them," said the captain, "would be an unholy thing."
"Any port in a storm," cried Random Jack, who was now, what with the grog and the flattery he had received, in high feather. "They have their price; are they worth it? If we don't buy them old Dogvane will. There's the rub."
Here the noise outside of two women wrangling claimed their attention, and one and all ran out to see what was the matter. They found Liberty and the Beggar Woman in angry altercation about a lout of a boy. Indeed, boy he could scarcely be called, for he was approaching nearer to manhood. It was Demos. "Indeed, madam!" cried Liberty with a sneer, "it does not appear from your dress that you are held in very great estimation amongst my master's people." Patriotism had not yet received her new clothing. Then Liberty continued in the same tone: "You are somewhat old-fashioned methinks! What would you have me do with my boy? Would you have me clap a gag in his mouth, or muzzle him as if he were a dog in the dog-days?"
"You need not pamper and pet him," exclaimed the Beggar Woman, "until he becomes a perfect nuisance to every one. Why don't you teach him to work for an honest living?"
"Because the boy is not strong; besides, he does not like work, do you, dear?"
"Why should I work," cried Demos, "when others play? Others live and fatten in idleness, why not I?"
"Bread that is buttered too thickly is not wholesome food," was the Beggar Woman's reply.
"The boy is a clever boy," exclaimed Madam Liberty. "He is wonderfully good at speaking; and he is good at figures; and he shall not be kept back; shall you, dear?"
"Mind he does not turn and bite the hand that has fed and petted him," replied the Beggar Woman, and the two parted.
The old coxswain, as he watched the retreating steps of Liberty and her boy, said: "There you go with that spoilt brat of yours. A wilful woman never yet wanted for woe, and to spoil a child is to put a rod in pickle for your own back."
A quaint sound was now heard, like the wailing of a pig in pain. Some thought it must be the cook playing a tune in the early morning upon his barrel organ; but the sound did not come from the direction of the old ship. It turned out to be the national music of the Ojabberaways, and presently a voice by no means untuneful, sang, "Come back to Erin, Mavourneen, Mavourneen."
The Ojabberaways were serenading both Liberty and Patriotism, while in the back ground was the cheap-Jack Jonathan, who provided the dollars for the serenade, also for other entertainments which the Ojabberaways got up to please themselves and annoy the old Buccaneer.
Opinions varied very much as to whether the Port Watch did, or did not, make a treaty with these people. Such a thing could scarcely be conceivable; but for party purposes either watch, it was said, would sell themselves to the devil. Some went so far as to say that Random Jack had had something to do with it; but then, when anyone comes out of obscurity, there is scarcely a thing that he is not supposed to be capable of doing; and a place is found for his finger in every pie. Happy is the man who never leaves the smooth, broad, and well-beaten path of mediocrity! He will escape many evils, and even slander will pass him by for the most part with contempt; for her sport is with bigger game. "This only grant me, that my means may lie too low for envy, for contempt too high." So sang a poet long years ago.
It was generally believed that old Bill Dogvane had a secret understanding with these Ojabberaways. There can be no doubt that he smiled upon the boy Demos, who was showing signs of giving trouble. He was becoming intoxicated with the very worst of all things, namely, his own self-conceit, and the old hands shook their wise heads, and said that if the Buccaneer was not very careful this boy would break out and disturb the peace. This child of Madam Liberty was a difficulty; and how to treat him became a matter of the gravest consideration. Be kind to him and he would mistake it for weakness, and take advantage of it at once. Kick him, beat him, or try to drive him, and he became as stubborn as an ass. All agreed that he required a very strong hand, and yet not too rough a one. The conspirators of the cook's caboose were one and all on the boy's side; and the cook himself acted the part of an indulgent foster father to him. Buttering the boy's bread as thick as he possibly could, and giving him constantly cakes and other sweetmeats; some said this was done out of pure contrariness, because Pepper could not be happy if he were as others; but while the cook told the boy that he was being kept out of his just dues by an idle lot of rich drones, and hinting to him that it would be no great crime to put his hand into the pockets of these people, he said not a word about sharing his own worldly goods with the boy; and the cook had laid up for himself riches upon earth, but he was a wise man, and took good care that no thief should break into his house and steal.
The Port Watch mingled about amongst the people and told them of all the wonderful things that had happened, and of the many more wonderful things that would be sure to happen if they did not at once combine together and get their master, the old Sea King, to change the watches. Of course the doings of the Port Watch could not be concealed from the Starboard Watch, who went about contradicting, and swearing there was not a word of truth in the whole thing.
The cook took under his especial care the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber, and it is tolerably certain that happiness would not come to Pepper on his death-bed, unless that lumber room with all its antiquated furniture was cleared out of the old ship, and replaced by some assemblage of men as clever as what the cook was himself; but to get the modest number of only twelve such men, in a whole kingdom, would be almost impossible, and this is providential.
The butcher was not idle. He did not speak much; but when he did, it was to the purpose, and no one could say more cutting things than could Billy Cheeks. He also thought a good deal; he was driven to this extremity because most people, and most things, were beneath his notice. The carpenter took under his care the family of Hodge; the members of which were generally accredited with a full share of stupidity and ignorance; but it is wonderful how the aspect of things changes when you want to get anything out of people. Then we find virtues that were never seen before, and that the individuals themselves never even dreamt of. Then in the distance was the large family of Sikes. No one as yet had found much virtue in them; but they were ready for anything that might turn up, outside of it.
"Honest Hodge," cried the carpenter from the top of a barrel, "for generations you have been oppressed."
"'Ave I now?" exclaimed Hodge, scratching his honest head. "I thought summut was wrong."
The boy Demos who had been playing pitch and toss with the cook, left the game to attend to what looked to him more like business.
"For generations," cried the carpenter, "you have been ignored and defrauded by one whose rights are arbitrary, and almost absolute, for they extend from the heavens above, to the earth beneath, and to the waters under the earth." Demos became a most attentive listener and he liked the tack the carpenter was on.
Chips continued, "The minerals are his. The timber is his, and so are the birds of the air, and the fish that swim in the streams, and I suppose that the greater part of all that the industry and toil of man has added to the original value of that property, is now practically subject to the land owner's sole consideration and good. Now I want to see you, honest Hodge, replaced upon the old squire's land, at a fair compensation, of course."
Upon hearing this Demos winked at Hodge, but the latter being very slow of intellect, and moreover honest, did not take the wink in.
"But," said Hodge, "if the squire won't part, maister; what be we to do then?"
"If the squire will not do his duty," replied the carpenter, "he must be made to."
"And what be we to get out of it?" Hodge asked.
"The least you can expect, will be three acres and a cow," was the carpenter's reply; or the reply of a friend of his.
Here one of the Sike's family pushed his way to the front, and addressing himself to the carpenter, said, "Master, what are we to get out of this crib you're agoing to crack?"
The question being an extremely awkward one to answer, the carpenter pretended not to hear it. This is always a safe way out of such a difficulty if the questioner be not persevering.
The Port Watch struck a more popular, and at the same time, a more honest chord. "Look!" they cried, "at our market places! They are full of the cheap produce of our neighbours, who do a thriving business while our own people are starving. They bring their goods here without let or hindrance; but they shut their own doors against us, or make us pay toll. Look at the river there! that used to be crowded with our own craft. Now you see the flag of every nation floating upon its bosom, while our own ships are rotting for the want of something to do. Foreign competition is ousting you from your markets as the marten ousts the squirrel from her nest. If you want a coat, or a pair of trousers made, in comes your foreign tailor who will sew and stitch for sixteen hours a day for what is barely sufficient to keep body and soul together. If you, my lads, come down, he will come down lower."
At this speech loud cries of indignation rose up from a multitude of listeners, and the spokesman of a crowd of sailors, jumping up on a tar barrel, exclaimed, "Damme, my mates! (It is a bad habit, but sailors will swear.) The gentlemen of the Port Watch says true. We are being weathered by these lubberly furriners, who visit our shores in shoals like mackerel; and thus take all the wind out of our sails. Damme, mates! they are that mean that a well worn quid won't escape them, can we work against such varmint as these?"
"No!" came from a thousand hoarse throats.
"Is it right, my hearties," continued the speaker, "that the old man should treat us like this?"
"It ain't right," came from all sides.
"Where would our master be now without us?" cried the sailor, "where will he be if he allows these furrin chaps to put us down below hatches? Who then will he have to trim and shorten his sails when the stormy winds do blow? Will these fellows club-haul him off a lee-shore in the teeth of a gale of difficulties; or fight for him his battles? Not they, I'll swear."
The old sailor's yarn met with very great approval, and as is the custom with all sailors they freely damned their own eyes, and hitched up their trousers and swore that things were not as they ought to be; but the cheap-Jacks still went about amongst them and sold their goods, and people bought. Up too spoke many others, and there was scarcely a man to be found, or woman either, that was contented.
There was a movement amongst the crowd and the old cox'sn came forward, and getting up on the place vacated by the sailor, cried out: "Heave to, my hearties, whilst you hear to a brother sailor spin you a yarn." There was a feeling now pretty prevalent that they were in for a good thing. "No doubt," he said, "many of you here know me by name."
"Aye, aye, Jack, we know you," came from many; "you are as long-winded as a sky pilot, or as old Bill Dogvane, and any one knows he has wind enough to fill the sails of a line o' battleship."
The old cox'sn, nothing daunted, continued: "Belay talking, my lads. No doubt many of you know me by name, but many of you have no other acquaintance with me, more is the pity say I. Long-winded I may be; but I don't go about emptying myself like a wind-bag; but let that fly stick to the wall. Many a voyage I have taken with my old master, and when on the Spanish main together, looking out for the Don, we learnt a thing or two. The Spaniards say, my lads, that it is always a good, and safe thing, to search well yourself when anything goes wrong with you, and that is what old Jack Commonsense tells you now. You want our master to do this, and to do that, to protect this trade and that; but damme, shipmates, legislation never yet stopped a leak in a cask, nor made a stale egg into a fresh one. My mates! you are all of you heading in the wrong direction. There are breakers ahead, so put your helm down and go about as soon as you can. Don't you listen to those wiseacres who are going to put everybody and everything right. The cook, he is a clever lad, and can spin a cheerful yarn, but let him stick to his trade, and the same I say to the carpenter and the butcher. You can never put an injury right by committing a wrong, and if the carpenter or anyone else wants to put his hand into the squire's pocket, he is only inviting a thief into his own house. Let the cook then keep to his galley and cater for the general public. His dishes are spicy, and then when he treats us to a tune in his leisure hours upon his barrel organ, well, so much the better, for there is no harm done."
The crowd began to show signs of impatience, and old Jack was made painfully aware that he was not a popular orator, for the lovers of freedom hooted him; but he was not easily put down. "Here, lads!" he cried, "is where my Spanish proverb comes in. Search well yourselves, and see if any fault lies at home. It is no use anchoring yourselves by your starns, and crying out that trade is going, and that the cheap-Jacks are taking the wind out of your sails. You ain't obliged to buy from them, and who brought them over, pray? If trade is gone from amongst you; it is yourselves that you have to blame. In years gone by you combined against your employers; I don't say you were at all times wrong, but evil counsel sat at your boards, and with your bushel of good came a sackful of bad, you drove your trade out of doors and now you cry out: 'Help us or we starve!' If your platter and your pewter pot be empty, you have yourselves to thank. No song, no supper, is a good old saying. If you, my hearties, won't work your fair time for your fair wage, there are others who will. When you combined against capital, mess-mates, you frightened, if you did not kill, the goose that was laying your golden eggs. She is a timid bird and will only lay where she gets peace and quiet. Having done all this, you are now crying out to be protected, and think that all will be well again if this thing and that thing are only legislated for; but legislation, my lads, as I've said before, never yet bolstered up either a rotten state or a decaying trade. You may stop for a time the footstep of the one or the other, but the fall will surely come again unless you tap the part affected and stop the hole with good, sound, solid material. Look at you servants! Why, you are always on the move; some of you even are idle and insolent. Do you not see the gaunt form of Poverty in front of you? Away then will go your airs and graces, your flaunting ribbons and your finery Beware how you listen to the teaching of Demos. He is a dangerous companion and generally turns and rends those who have housed and fed him. A bridle for the mouth of an ass, and a rod for the back of a spoilt child."
There was here some good-natured bandying of words, and old Jack was recommended to try the bridle himself, just to see, as they said, how it felt and how it fitted. Jack being a good-tempered fellow, continued his harangue: "My advice, my hearties, to you is this. Turn to and live thrifty lives. Take your hands out of your pockets. Do away with the quart pot and you will increase the amount of stuff upon your platter. If you cannot do away with the pewter altogether—and I am no teetotaller myself—then reduce its size to at least a half. By a strict regard to economy, and by practising self-denial and by cultivating your understanding in a proper direction, try to turn out a better and a cheaper article than your neighbours and so beat them on their own ground. Do this, my hearties, and you will win back trade and regain your place in the markets of the world."
The old coxswain had been listened to for some time with a respectful attention; but the doctrine he preached was not at all in keeping with the general sentiments of the disaffected, who were stirred up and incited to violence by Demos and his disciples, and very shortly there was a disturbance of a serious nature. It was commenced by Demos, who having gathered a crowd of followers round him, began to speak to them in language peculiarly his own. The consequence of this was that some one from amongst the crowd, aimed a brickbat, with too true an aim, at the Buccaneer's old coxswain, who amidst the delighted yells of the mob was knocked over. The excitement now was intense, for though old Jack was not killed, he was severely bruised, and shaken, and taken very much by surprise. Those who have never heard the angry howl of an infuriated mob of Buccaneers can have no conception of the savageness of its sound. The war whoop of the wildest Indians is soft compared to it, and the roar of hungry wild beasts is less terrifying. Demos with what he called "the people" now rushed to an open space, beautifully situated, but called the Place of Discord, where four grim lions watch night and day, but they never interfere, and nobody minds them. Here Demos harangued the multitude; told them they were being starved and trodden under foot, by the drones of the island. His language was violent in the extreme. He called upon them to break their chain of slavery and to elect as their ruler King Mob. This was but natural, so up on their shoulders they hoisted the bloody tyrant and cried out: "Havoc and robbery; now shall the gilded thieves disgorge their ill-gotten wealth." Away they made for the rich quarters of the Buccaneer's fair city, intent upon plunder if not murder; but they were met by the guardians of the peace, behind whom came the old coxswain with a chosen band, cutlass in hand. He called upon his men to rally round him. Now commenced a battle between the two factions. The partisans of King Mob nerved on and excited by the hope of plunder fell upon the champions of law and order. Heads were broken and the combatants fell struggling to the ground, and the crowd swayed backwards and forwards in fierce strife. At first the old coxswain and his side seemed to be getting the worst of it, but he fought like a veritable demon, laying about him in a fashion well worthy of the Buccaneer's best fighting days.
What seemed most strange was, that the watchword was the same on both sides, namely Liberty. Step by step, the old Coxswain was beaten back through a narrow gorge which opened on to a small square in the centre of which was a statue representing Victory in her idle hours, playing at quoits. This open space was flanked on one side by a museum of Naval and Military antiquities, glorious relics of a glorious past. On the other side of the square and away from the narrow gorge was another museum, which was filled with a most valuable collection of ancient fossils, and other scientific remains. Back into this open space the old coxswain and his men were forced. Inch by inch they disputed the narrow way. Old Jack every now and again let fly a quaint oath or two; but as he afterwards said, the occasion justified the deed. In a voice of thunder he kept cheering his men on, crying out, "Rally, men! Rally!" Just as King Mob was pushing old Jack extremely hard, assistance came from an unexpected quarter.
The uncrowned queen had shut herself up indoors; but Madam Liberty upon whom both sides had called, came now to the front and allied herself with the coxswain. Knowing full well that if she allowed the ugly faced monarch to gain the day, she herself would, in all probability, be bound hand and foot, and cast into prison, with a gag in her mouth, she threw all her weight on the side of the coxswain, and brought up just in time her numerous followers to the rescue. Demos when he saw his mother against him, made use of most disrespectful language, calling her all kinds of bad names, which will not bear repeating. Just as Liberty reinforced the coxswain in front, the Beggar Woman who was now mounted on horseback, attacked King Mob with a strong force on his flank. Thus assailed, and without either drill or discipline the would-be monarch wavered, then turned and fled through the Place of Discord. The retreat was disastrous, and his followers were driven back well within their own quarters. As they went they did what damage they could; smashed windows and laid their hands upon everything of value that came in their way.
Thus was Demos and his father for the time at least defeated, and the old coxswain and his allies were hailed as the saviours of the people. In olden days, no doubt, he would have been accorded by universal acclamation a triumph, when he would have made a public entry into the Buccaneer's great city, mounted on a magnificent horse richly caparisoned; with his two lieutenants, Liberty and Patriotism, riding one on either side of him. Such things, however, have long ceased to be, and now we can only read of them in the pages of history.
The Buccaneer's people celebrated the victory in a manner more in keeping with their character and disposition. When the noise and turmoil of the battle were over and the fighting men had left off swearing; when their passions had cooled down a little, the bells upon the old Church Hulk rang out a summons to prayers. The joyful sound was taken up by every belfry on shore, and soon the clang of the iron tongues vibrated all over the island. The many idlers took their last sip at the cup of pleasure. The churches filled; the people prayed, the priests all preached and the great Hat was sent round. That was never forgotten, no matter what was going on. Many consciences were eased and all were strengthened and made more ready for the wear and tear of everyday life; while the cheap-Jacks took advantage of the pious moments of the Buccaneer's people to push their trade.
It is not to be supposed that the Buccaneer's Press gang were idle on such an occasion. But to their credit it must be said that they all, with about one exception, forgot their little differences and took the side of law and order against the followers of King Mob.
But now the big mouthed cannon belched forth the joyful tidings of the Buccaneer's return. Loud cries of welcome greeted his ears as he stepped ashore. "Hail! all hail! to the old sea king; to the mighty trader! Hail to the Defender of the Faith, the ruler of the sea; to him on whose vast dominions the sun never sets! Hail! all hail," so cried the people.
The first thing that saluted the Buccaneer's ears after all the rejoicings at his safe return were over, was a low, dull, rumbling sound as if distant thunder.
"What is that?" he asked of Dogvane.
"I know not, sir; but the atmosphere is heavy, and there may be a storm abrewing; but I hear nothing." This was an official statement on the part of Dogvane that was wide of the truth.
The art of lying has already been touched upon; but there are many kinds of lies which have not been enumerated. There is the oblique lie, the lie direct. The lie by implication and insinuation; and passing by the various kinds of social lie there is the official and the diplomatic lie. The latter is very much superior to the "lie vulgaris" or common lie, and it moves in the very best society. It is a most polished courtier. The official and diplomatic lie require very great skill and study so as not to betray their owner. They require also a natural aptitude, a schooled countenance, so that neither the eye, the voice, nor the mouth discloses their secret. Your diplomatist especially, to be successful, should be indeed a most refined and accomplished liar.
Dogvane knew very well what the rumbling sound was. It was the Drum Ecclesiastic. He thought for a moment and then muttered to himself, "Who the devil has set that old instrument going?" Then after a pause he said: "The handiwork, I'll be bound, of that young rascal Random Jack. Drat his little skin! He's always in mischief."
But louder and louder grew the sound, and in a short time there could be no disguising the fact that the Church was sounding the alarm. Dogvane thought it best to take at once the bull by the horns. "It's a bold party stroke, sir," he said, "a very bold party stroke and well worthy of the other watch. Knowing your love for the old craft, God bless her! they have tried to frighten you. Their goings on are really shameful." But now a most imposing procession formed up on board the Church Hulk and headed by the High Priest, proceeded on board the Ship of State and discovered to the Buccaneer and his trusty captain the vile and sinful plot of the cook's caboose.
No doubt in olden times the cook, the butcher and the carpenter, with his mate, would have been cursed with bell and book, when the devil would have put in an appearance and have carried the conspirators away with him bodily to his infernal regions; but cursings have gone out of fashion. In fact they seem to have lost their power, like drugs that have been too long kept. The High Priest told the Buccaneer that his cherished Church was in danger. That in fact there was a conspiracy afloat, to board and rob her, and then to cast her adrift, when Heaven alone knew what would become of her. Of one thing he felt certain; the many flocks would wander about without shepherds, or would be tended by those of inferior learning and understanding. The High Priest then began to lecture the Buccaneer, thinking no doubt that he was the same pliant and penitent gentleman as of old, when he was ever ready to fall upon his knees and cry, "I have sinned." But now when the High Priest told him that the danger to his Church was brought about by his selfishness, worldliness, and general religious indifference, and that to counteract all this accumulation of evil he ought to humble himself and scourge himself inwardly by prayers and fastings, the bold Buccaneer opened out in an altogether unexpected manner, and said: "Should not all this be done by my State Church? At least," he added, "set me the example, and where you lead there will I follow; but it is no use your pointing up the steep hill which leads to heaven and bidding me walk, while you and all your followers drive there in a well cushioned carriage and pair. If my Church is in danger, the danger comes from within, and you have no one to blame but yourselves. Let the crew of your ship, my lord, cease squabbling amongst themselves about trifles. Let them set their face against the pomps and vanities of the world, and let them look well within to see if by chance any worldliness has got possession of their own hearts."
This cruel language shocked the Buccaneer's High Priest, and he was about to reply; but the Buccaneer stopped him, saying; "Stay, stay a minute, in the past you have lectured me a good deal and told me, no doubt, many a home truth, and I thank you. I now return you the compliment, for it may be of service to you, as you say your Church is in danger. All things on board that old Hulk there are not as they should be; for while some of her crew lead the life of Dives, too many have to walk in the footsteps of Lazarus. The labour and the hire are not equally divided. I am going now to look a little more into my affairs, and I shall soon call upon you to render a just account of your stewardship. Many of you do not act as if you believed in what you preach: the salt having lost in many cases its flavour.
"How have the mighty fallen?" exclaimed the High Priest. The Buccaneer, misunderstanding the words of the head of his Church, replied, "And pray, whose fault is that? Perhaps there are hypocrites and even Pharisees amongst you; those who seek the highest places in the synagogues and at the social table, and who are worshippers of forms and ceremonies." What wickedness was here! But this bold, bad man continued in the same strain, or stay, it may have been the wicked devil who was making this eminently respectable and pious old Buccaneer, his mouthpiece. "Has pride, arrogance, and self-sufficiency any place in your hearts?" he asked. "Has my priesthood fallen and been led captive by mammon and selfishness, and while they fix one eye constantly upon heaven, do they not with the other look too lovingly upon the earth? Fast then and pray yourselves, for thy faith may be weak, and as the Israelites of old fell away and worshipped more gods than one, so too may my priests have set up some graven image or images, and here may lie the danger. Search well yourselves and put your ship in order. It is no use preaching to the world abstinence if you do not practise it yourselves. Our religion was placed in poor soil, tended and cared for by mendicant labourers, and it flourished. The workers now are of a different caste, the spirit of the first teachers has passed away, and the flower fades."
This was not a bad specimen of pulpit oratory, coming as it did from an old gentleman who had commenced life as a pirate; but it is well known that the greater the sinner the greater the saint. The language of the bold Buccaneer was fully discussed and fully condemned, and the great Church drum still kept beating. The sound went out all over the land; was heard upon many a hearth, and put fear into many a breast, for the old Church Hulk was dearly loved, with all her faults, more especially by the Buccaneer's women, in whose eyes a priest was little less than a god clothed in a decent suit of black.
But what was going on on board the Church Hulk all this time? The burning question of Church in danger was pushed aside, and high above everything else the voice of controversy could be heard arguing upon a matter of the deepest import to all the world. It was the question of eternal punishment, which, alas! can never be satisfactorily settled; as to whether the soul that dies in sin is surely for ever damned. The adventurous spirits who had started this rank and soul-destroying heresy of hope even beyond the grave were few in number. These seemed to have a beautiful faith, if an erroneous one, in God's unbounded mercy, which, overtaking the poor lost soul before it entered the gates of hell, might in some cases bring it back to the bright realms of eternal bliss. For so rank a heresy there was perhaps neither authority nor justification, and it did more honour to the hearts of the schismatics than it did credit to their understanding or learning; so it was thought. The majority of the disputants stuck, however, to the penal clause, which says that the soul that dies in sin shall surely perish. These fortified themselves behind ramparts built up of dogma and bound together with the strong and lasting cement of human passions. Over the battlements they hung out their banner, on which was emblazoned the words, "No Surrender." The little band were driven back and had to seek consolation in the thought that no matter what is said and done, God is the God of Mercy.
Poor, poor soul, how heavily you are weighted. Given passions, and desires, and all kinds of forbidden fruit placed well within your reach, with a longing to taste. Pluck, and you are straightway handed over to the devil, to be flagellated, tortured, and burned everlastingly. So it is said. Ye priests, in the past, what a heaven and what a hell have ye made for human beings! See the father torn away from his fair-haired child and hurled headlong to the bottomless pit, where there is nothing but weeping and gnashing of teeth, and a fire that is never quenched. See the mother taken away from her erring son, and winged up to heaven with a bleeding, broken heart. See the sister with her loving arms twined round some lost brother's neck, and crying out in her anguish, "Lord! Lord! let me share his lot; let his misery be mine. Let me moisten his parched lips with my tears. Where he lies let me lie also." But the bitter parting has to come, and while one sobbing is taken to Heaven, the other is sent to Hell. In the dark clouds that superstition has hung over trembling humanity we see a little rift, as vivid in brightness as when the Heavens are cleft with lightning, and through the rent we see pale-faced Pity weeping for the loss of her children.
A day having been set apart by the Buccaneer's High Priest for solemn fasts, prayers, and humiliations, to counteract as far as possible the evil effects which might be expected to arise from the impious conduct of the Buccaneer, and devilish machinations of the conspirators of the cook's caboose; and all the wise men in the island having been set to work to find out the exact pressure that the ecclesiastical wrath had upon the square inch of the social atmosphere, things sank down again to their usual level; for no storm lasts forever.
The captain of the watch, old Bill Dogvane, now summoned all the conspirators before him, and rated them well for their folly and want of forethought in setting the big drum of the church going. "Don't you see, my lads," he said, "that things aren't ripe yet for such a sweeping measure? All in good time; all in good time. But first and foremost see which way the wind is blowing, and which way the current sets, and then, my hearties, steer your course accordingly."
The conspirators affected very great surprise; said that the whole thing was a gross misrepresentation; a mere game got up entirely by Random Jack, who, having stowed himself away, had listened to a private conversation they had had in the cook's caboose.
"Well, my lads, I think the storm is over, and the dust this time is laid; but Chips, my man, where is your mate?" It now came out that Chisel was ashore in tow of a lass, and when a sailor is so situated he is never fit for duty.
Just as old Dogvane was congratulating himself upon having got, as he thought, into smooth water again, there come a hail from the shore of "Ship of State, ahoy!"
"What the devil is in the wind now?" cried Dogvane, as he took a look over the ship's side. At the same time the Buccaneer, who was below, called up to know who it was that was calling. "Ah!" said Dogvane to himself, "I ought to have known that that old coach was a slow one to travel."
"Ship ahoy!" came again. "Who is that?" demanded the Buccaneer.
"It looks uncommonly like old Squire Broadacre, sir," was Dogvane's reply. Now this old gentleman had at one time been extremely well off, and had kept up great state and open house; keeping many retainers, feeding many mouths, but hard times had overtaken him, and he was now sorely pinched, and even poverty was seen on the outskirts of his property, and was drawing nearer to his door every day. The Buccaneer ordered a boat to be sent ashore.
"Send a boat ashore!" muttered Dogvane. "Why, a line of battle ships would not hold him and his cargo of grievances, I know." However, a boat was sent, and the old gentleman was ferried on board. The captain of the Starboard Watch seeing the conspirators together abreast of the cook's galley went up to them, saying, "A pretty kettle of fish you fellows have put upon the fire. Here is some more of your handiwork."
The butcher chuckled to himself, and said, "If you fellows had nipped round and caught Random Jack, all this bother would have been saved." The butcher was always criticising.
"Ah! Billy," replied the carpenter, "like many another clever fellow, you are extremely wise after the event; you see, it is not for you to talk; if you hadn't had a nervous attack you might have caught him yourself."
All further discussion was put a stop to by the appearance on board of the old squire, who seemed to be completely overcome with excitement. He told the Buccaneer that he had it on the very best authority that he was to be attacked and robbed, and he came to demand protection. Of course in the abstract being a member of the Buccaneer's family he had a right to protection. Things, he said, had come to a pretty pass if honest folk were to be deprived of their property without people saying with your leave or by your leave.
The squire, following so closely upon the heels of the church, aroused the anger of the old Sea King, who always on such occasions, made a scapegoat of some one, and he now tried to make Dogvane perform that most necessary but disagreeable office, but the captain was much too old a bird to be caught either by chaff, or to have salt put upon his tail.
Then no sooner had the fears of the old squire been somewhat allayed by Dogvane declaring that it was all a party trick, than fresh trouble arose; for the Ojabberaways taking advantage of the state of affairs, so acted as to stop all business, and played on board the ship their old game of "Mag's diversions," or the "devil's delight." But amidst all this confusion there was one bright spot, and that was the noble way in which the old coxswain had acted. When the Buccaneer heard of it he was delighted and determined to reward him by elevating him to some high position on board the Ship of State. Indeed, so impressed was he with old Jack's abilities, that he was for sending him at once to the Upper Chamber; but Jack said he would rather decline the honour, for the members were proud, standing very much upon their dignity, and he feared they might give him the cold shoulder. Besides which, he feared that as the cook had taken a dislike to that establishment it could not last long. Then the Buccaneer called to him Dogvane, and ordered him to find honest Jack some post of distinction in the after part of the ship.
The captain of the watch demurred to this, saying it would be a most unconstitutional thing, and he contended that to raise so ordinary a personage as Jack Commonsense from a position that was humble to one that was exalted, and make all at once an officer of State of him, would be fraught with extreme danger. In all probability everybody would resign, for such an honest, straightforward fellow as the cox'sn was, would be sure to rub the whole crew up the wrong way, which everyone knew was a most dangerous thing to do; putting the fat in every way upon the fire. He plainly intimated that to promote Jack Commonsense would probably bring about discord, which might end even in revolution. "Heaven only knows, sir!" he exclaimed, "we have wrangling enough as it is on board the old ship."
The Buccaneer thought the matter over, and said that he was considerably disappointed, as he felt sure that Jack would not disgrace himself at the council board. A thought seemed suddenly to strike him. "As you will not have him here, Master Dogvane, I will make a bishop of him. His presence on board the old Church Hulk will be an advantage to every one, more especially in these critical times." He at once hailed the old ship alongside, and expressed his wishes. There was a solemn conclave at once held, and all the divines who were conspicuous for their learning and piety were called together to consider so grave a matter, and after a careful discussion, which lasted many hours, they arrived at the conclusion that the old cox'sn could not on any account be made a bishop or given even a place of any importance on board the Church Hulk. They intimated that it would be more in keeping with a modest demeanour if he contented himself with his present lot in life, and they pointed out that pride which had turned satan himself out of Heaven was altogether to be condemned. Besides, they said, they feared that if they gave the old cox'sn a permanent place on board their ship he would in time undermine the whole of their authority, and bring down the sacred edifice about their ears, and that the High Priest and other ecclesiastical dignitaries would be buried in the ruins, and forever lost to the cause of religion. The members of the Solemn Conclave admitted that Jack Commonsense was an inestimable and even religious fellow, and that in the Buccaneer's realms he had nobly done his duty; but as virtue was at all times its own reward, the old cox'sn could not want any further recompense. Besides, they added, he had received no ecclesiastical education; knew little or nothing of the Levitical Law, or of the Fathers of Theology, and could not therefore be expected to wrestle against the Devil's first lieutenant, Heresy.
Thus poor old Jack's doom was sealed; but when he heard that neither ship would have him at any price he was not down-hearted, but went on his quiet way as before; giving himself neither airs nor graces like so many people do. Old Jack was not one of those ambitious, self-confident, self-seeking fellows whose only virtue is unbounded impudence, and who are forever thrusting themselves forward, not caring two straws who falls, or who is thrust to the wall, so long as they can struggle and keep to the front; holding up before the eyes of the people their farthing dip, and swearing its light is equal to ever so many candles, or even oil lamps.
"Well," said old Jack, as he trudged away, "if I do not rise, neither shall I fall. Let those who like soar up on the butterfly wings of ambition, I'll have none of it myself. Sooner or later old Dame Fortune turns round her wheel and up comes her eldest daughter and pins your butterfly to the earth with the sharp-pointed pin of adversity. Then where are you?"