Mrs. Ritter.[Addressing Twiller, beyond the flats] What about the gentlemen?
Florence.[Beyond the flats] Jealous husbands, chiefly, aren’t they? [Twiller comes out through the left door, past Mrs. Ritter.] Didn’t you want to leave a message for the Doctor, Mr. Rush? [Twiller turns right round and goes back to the door.]
Twiller.Who, me?
Florence.If you wish.
Mrs. Ritter.[Having some difficulty seeing Florence over Twiller’s right shoulder] He might leave an apology.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Very much annoyed, and stepping close to the flat, just to the right of the door] Get out of the doorway, Mr. Twiller!
Florence.[Beyond the flats] Perhaps we haven’t convinced him of his mistake.
Mrs. PampinelliandMrs. Ritter, together.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Trying desperately to attract Twiller’s attention, and becoming more emphatic] Get out of the doorway, Mr. Twiller, you’re covering Paula up!Mrs. Ritter.[Trying to talk to Florence overTwiller’s shoulder] Well, he’ll apologize to me, whether we’ve convinced him or not. [Mrs. Fell and Hossefrosse come over to see if they can be of any assistance.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Trying desperately to attract Twiller’s attention, and becoming more emphatic] Get out of the doorway, Mr. Twiller, you’re covering Paula up!
Mrs. Ritter.[Trying to talk to Florence overTwiller’s shoulder] Well, he’ll apologize to me, whether we’ve convinced him or not. [Mrs. Fell and Hossefrosse come over to see if they can be of any assistance.]
Mrs. PampinelliandTwiller, together.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Becoming desperate] Paula! [Paula gives her a nervous glance.] Will one of you go farther in! Mr. Twiller!Twiller.[Addressing Florence] Have you convinced yourselves? [He gives Mrs. Pampinelli an irritated look over his left shoulder.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Becoming desperate] Paula! [Paula gives her a nervous glance.] Will one of you go farther in! Mr. Twiller!
Twiller.[Addressing Florence] Have you convinced yourselves? [He gives Mrs. Pampinelli an irritated look over his left shoulder.]
Florence.That there has been a mistake?
Mrs. Pampinelli.Go farther in, one of you! [Twiller gives her another look, then speaks to Florence.]
Twiller.Yes! [Mrs. Pampinelli can contain herself no longer, so, picking up her skirt, and holding her hand against the left side of her head, she darts across the open door, to the left, and speaks to them around the edge of the door. Mrs. Fell, taking advantage of the circumstance of Mrs. Pampinelli’s crossing, tiptoes up to Twiller and strikes him on the left arm, quite viciously, with the rolled manuscript. As a polite remonstrance, he shakes his left hand and foot at her. But, she is not dismayed, and repeats the attack, even more viciously. Then he turns and glares at her, and she turns away towards the right, desperately.]
Florence.A great mistake.
Mrs. Ritter.Disappointed? Because, you know, we caninventa scandal, if you insist.
Mrs. Fell.Oh, what a man! What a man!
FlorenceandMrs. Pampinelli, together.
Florence.I’m afraidmypresence here would be a bit incongruous, even for that.Mrs. Pampinelli.Go farther in, Mr. Twiller, don’t both of you stand wedged in the doorway that way, it looks dreadful!
Florence.I’m afraidmypresence here would be a bit incongruous, even for that.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Go farther in, Mr. Twiller, don’t both of you stand wedged in the doorway that way, it looks dreadful!
Twiller.[Raising his right arm and resting his hand against the jamb of the door, completely cutting off Mrs. Ritter’s view of Florence] That’s the rub. [Mrs. Ritter stands on her tiptoes to try and see over his arm, but being unsuccessful in this effort, stoops a bit, and tries to look under his arm.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Take your arm down, Mr. Twiller! [Mrs. Ritter reaches up and quietly but firmly draws Twiller’s arm down. Mrs. Pampinelli turns away to the left, disgusted.] My God! I never gave any such direction as that!
Florence.Be at ease, Mr. Rush; if you were not mistaken I should have known it,—and so should you; I’m not a tragic woman. Did you want to leave any message for the Doctor, Mrs. Rush?
Mrs. Ritter.[At Twiller’s right] Yes,—[Twiller turns his head sharply and looks right into her eyes. She steps around back of him and speaks to Florence over his left shoulder.] I wish you’d say that my husband called—[Twiller turns and looks into hereyes again, and she steps around back of him again, to his right.] for my bill. [She reaches out and starts to draw the door to. Twiller, very ill at ease, and awkwardly looking from side to side, not knowing just how to get out gracefully, makes a full turn round to his right.]
Twiller.[Raising his hat to Florence] Good evening, Mrs. Arlington. [Mrs. Ritter closes the door, causing him to drop his cane; but he’s too excited to notice it.]
Hossefrosse.[Standing at the right door, extending his hand] Great, old man!
Twiller.[Dropping his gloves, as he shakes hands] Thanks. [He continues to the right.]
Mrs. Fell.[As he passes below her] Splendid, Ralph! What happened to your mustache? [She laughs.]
Twiller.Can you beat that, Nelly! I couldn’tcoaxthat thing off before I went on!
Hossefrosse.[Holding the knob of the right door] Shush!
Mrs. Fell.I don’t think the audience noticed it.
Hossefrosse.[Turning to them] Shush! [Twiller goes down to the right, and Mrs. Fell returns to her manuscript. The left door is flung open. They all watch eagerly.]
Mrs. Ritter.[Inside the left door] If you will, please?
Florence.Certainly.
Mrs. Ritter.Thanks.
Florence.Don’t mention it.
Mrs. Ritter.[Trying to appear very bold] Good bye.
Florence.Good bye. [Mrs. Ritter gives another famous laugh, sways through the door, tripping over the door-strip, closes the door, looks at Mrs. Pampinelli, who is standing at the left, and bursts out laughing. There is prolonged applause from beyond the flats.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Splendid, Paula!
Hossefrosse.[Listening intently for his cue, from beyond the flats] Shush-shush! [Mrs. Ritter looks at him, still laughing foolishly.]
Mrs. Fell.[Waving at Paula] Lovely, dear!
Mrs. Ritter.[Turning to Mrs. Pampinelli] I forgot my umbrella.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Where is it?
Mrs. Ritter.I left it on the stage.
Mrs. Pampinelli.That doesn’t matter. [Hossefrosse tries to silence them by dint of impatient gesturing with his right hand.]
Mrs. Ritter.Oh, Betty, I think I saw Clara Sheppard out there!
Mrs. Pampinelli.Not really?
Hossefrosse.Shush!
Florence.[From beyond the flats] You can come out now, Clyde, they’ve gone. [Hossefrosse yanks theright door open, causing the wood-wing at the right to topple and fall forward.]
Twiller.[Leaping to catch it, before it hits Mrs. Fell] Hold it! [Mrs. Fell hunches her arms and shoulders and screams.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Rushing over from the left] What is it?
Twiller.[Struggling to set the wing up in place again] This thing nearly fell! Just got it in time! [Mrs. Fell moves out of the way, over to the left, and Mrs. Pampinelli tries to assist Twiller.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Is it all right now?
Twiller.[Brushing his hands and clothes, and coming forward at the right] Yes, it’s all right now. Just got it in time.
Mrs. Fell.[Rushing up to Mrs. Ritter, who is coming towards her from the left, and shaking her by the arms] Oh, you were marvelous, darling! [Mrs. Ritter giggles foolishly.] I could just hug you!
Mrs. Ritter.I forgot my umbrella.
Mrs. Fell.Wonderful performance! [She steps to the right door and opens her manuscript. Mrs. Ritter moves a little to the right and stands looking at the wood-wing.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Turning from a more precise adjustment of the wood-wing] Oh, Mr. Twiller!
Twiller.Yes?
Mrs. Pampinelli.How did you and Paula getwedged in that door that way, over there a moment ago?
Twiller.[On Mrs. Pampinelli’s right] Oh, I’m awfully sorry about that! I got a little twisted on— [Mrs. Ritter comes to Mrs. Pampinelli’s left.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Turning to Mrs. Ritter] I was just asking Mr. Twiller about that business in the door.
Mrs. Pampinelli,Mrs. RitterandTwiller, together.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Of course, it really didn’t matter very much.Mrs. Ritter.Oh, my dear, wasn’t that just too dreadful! But I didn’t know what to do! I knew there was something wrong, but I didn’t know what it was!Twiller.It wasmyfault. I got a little twisted there in my business-cues. I got up to the door a couple of speeches too soon.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Of course, it really didn’t matter very much.
Mrs. Ritter.Oh, my dear, wasn’t that just too dreadful! But I didn’t know what to do! I knew there was something wrong, but I didn’t know what it was!
Twiller.It wasmyfault. I got a little twisted there in my business-cues. I got up to the door a couple of speeches too soon.
Mrs. Pampinelli.I don’t think the audience noticed it.
Mrs. Fell.[Frantically searching in the manuscript] Shush!
Mrs. Ritter.Don’t you think they did, Betty?
Mrs. Fell.Shush! [They all turn and look at her. Mrs. Pampinelli steps towards her.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Is somebody up? [Nelly simply silences her with a gesture, and opens the door slightly.]
Mrs. Fell.[Prompting through the door] You’ve all been listening to a lot of damned, cheap gossip!
Hossefrosse.[From beyond the flats] You’ve all been listening to a lot of damned, cheap gossip!
Florence.[Beyond the flats] Which should show you that people are talking.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Somebody up? [Nelly just shakes her head and relaxes.] Mr. Hossefrosse?
Mrs. Fell.The “damned, cheap gossip” line.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Listening keenly] Is he all right again?
Mrs. Fell.Yes, he’s all right now;—but it’s funny how that line has sent him up at every performance.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Turning to rejoin Mrs. Ritter and Twiller] It’s purely mental.
Hossefrosse.[From beyond the flats, violently] No! [The stage manager, over at the left, jumps to his feet, causing the hammer to fall from his pocket. The door-slam also falls, with a bang. The stage manager has been dozing, and the thunder of Mr. Hossefrosse’s outburst has considerably startled him. He comes forward at the left and looks over at Mrs. Fell, to inquire the cause of the disturbance.]
Mrs. Fell.[Motioning to him with her manuscript] Shush! [He looks about and then goes back and picks up the hammer and door-slam. As he resumes his seat he takes another glance around.]
Mrs. Ritter.[As Mrs. Pampinelli comes forward again at the right, between her and Twiller] You know, I felt like a perfect fool standing there in that door, but I couldn’t catch what you were saying. [Twiller laughs.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Well, dear, Ireallydon’t think the audience noticed it.
Twiller.I hope they didn’t.
Mrs. Ritter.It must have looked awful.
Mrs. Pampinelli.No, dear, it didn’t, really; you both covered it up very nicely.
Twiller.Itriedto cover it up when my mustache fell off, too;—but I had so manylinesright in there. I held it on as long as I could, but I was afraid the audience was beginning to notice it.
Mrs. Pampinelli.I was so glad you had the presence of mind not to attempt to stick it on again when it fell off thesecondtime.
Twiller.I was afraid to take the time. I had a cue right there; so when it fell off the second time, I just—let it lie there. [He makes a casual gesture with his right hand.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.That was quite right.
Twiller.[Laughing a little] It’s out there yet.
Mrs. Ritter.[Giggling] So is my umbrella. [They all laugh.] Oh, listen, Betty dear! I think I’ll just run upstairs for a minute and use that telephone—see how Fred is. [She starts towards the left.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Following her] Yes, do, Paula.
Mrs. Ritter.I’m kind of worried about him.
Mrs. Pampinelli.See if he’s regained consciousness yet.
Mrs. Ritter.[Regardless of the fact that a play is in progress] Excuse me!
Mrs. Fell.[Looking up from her manuscript] Shush!
Mrs. Pampinelli.Certainly, dear. [Twiller raises his hat towards her, and she waves back at him. Then he goes up at the right and peeks through the side wings.] Oh, Paula!
Mrs. Ritter.[Turning] Yes, dear?
Mrs. Pampinelli.Be sure and get down in time for the curtains.
Mrs. Ritter.Oh, yes.
Mrs. Pampinelli.I imagine there’ll be a lot of flowers come over.
Mrs. Ritter.[Starting up at the left] I’ll be right down as soon as I telephone.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Yes, do, dear. [Mrs. Ritter goes out at the left, and Mrs. Pampinelli turns, touching her hair, and starts back towards the right. Something falls beyond the flats. She stops dead, and listens. Mrs. Fell turns quickly and peeks through the right door. Twiller comes forward at the right and looks inquiringly.]
Florence.[Just audible beyond the flats] Then, you’ve allowed him to think so.
Mrs. Pampinelli.What’s that?
Florence.[Beyond the flats] Perhaps it is.
Mrs. Fell.[Turning to Mrs. Pampinelli, and quite casually] He knocked the ash-tray over. [Mrs. Pampinelli relaxes, and proceeds to arrange the beaded ornaments on her dress, while Mrs. Fell moves a bit farther over to the right and stands listening, manuscript and lorgnon in hand. Twiller crosses to the left, below Mrs. Fell, and gathers up his gloves and cane.]
Hossefrosse.[Beyond the flats] You are deliberately misinterpreting this situation! Yes you are! It’s perfectly ridiculous that a physician cannot take a woman patient without being subjected to the whisperings of a lot of vulgar scandal-mongers.
Florence.This is not a romantic age, Clyde.
Twiller.[Coming to Mrs. Pampinelli’s right] Was that inflection of mine any better tonight on that line, “I’m puzzled.”?
Mrs. Pampinelli.Oh, very much better, I was listening for it.
Twiller.[Thoughtfully] I never seemed to get the sense of that line until tonight. It just seemed to—come to me, out there on the stage.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Oh, that is a very significant line, Mr. Twiller, coming where it does. [Spindler comes wandering on from the left, comes forward,looks about, and goes up to the side wing and looks through.]
Twiller.I felt a great deal easier in that new business of turning—down at the bookcase that you gave me last night.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[With a touch of smugness] Much better.
Twiller.Did you notice it?
Mrs. Pampinelli.Well, of course, I couldn’t see it, I was here; but I could sense it; and I could tell from thetoneof the scene that it was better. [Spindler moves over to the extreme left, about half-way back, and, taking the refractory telephone-bell-arrangement from his pocket, starts to tinker with it.]
Twiller.I just turned my headthisway, [He turns his head sharply to the right, keeping his body and shoulders perfectly rigid.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Excellent.
Twiller.[Turning back to her] Without moving my body.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Very good.
Twiller.Instead of making the full swing around, [He makes a complete swing around on his right foot.] the way I had been doing. [Mrs. Fell raises her lorgnon and looks over, curiously.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.A very good change.
Twiller.[Very seriously] Ifeltthat it got them.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Well, you see, it gave themthe full benefit of your expression. [They nod agreement.]
Twiller.There’s a great deal of light and shade in that part, right in there.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Deprecatingly] Ho! my dear,—it isalllight and shade;—even to the gestures. [She makes a Delsartian movement with her arms and hands. Mrs. Fell comes forward a little further and observes the gesture keenly, through her lorgnon.] ....
Twiller.[Rather troubled, and shaking his head a bit] I’ve got to put in a lot of work onmygestures,—they’re bad, I know.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Well, I shouldn’t exactly say that your gestures were bad; but I think, perhaps——
Twiller.[Leaning heavily on his cane] I—ah—I think I try too hard to be natural.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Smiling, biting her lip, and rolling her eyes] That’s exactly what I was going to say. Your gestures are, in a way,toonatural. [She gives a little mirthless laugh, and, out of courtesy, he joins her.] Of course, that is a very virtuous fault; but it isn’t pretty, is it? [She laughs again.]
Twiller.No, it isn’t. [The stage manager gets up, stretches himself, and comes forward at the left.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.And, after all, the function of art is to be pretty, is it not? [She repeats the floating gesture.]
Twiller.[Trying to imitate her] I don’t seem to be able—todothat, the way you do. [Mrs. Fellfeels the call, and, putting the manuscript under her arm, tries rather unsuccessfully to copy the movement.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Oh, it is purely a matter of experience, Mr. Twiller. But when you’ve been in the work as long as I have,—you’ll realize that the bird’s-wing gesture is theonlygesture. [She illustrates again, for the edification of her disciples; and they attempt rather faithfully to imitate her. The stage manager stands looking at them.]
Florence.[Beyond the flats] But it has its compensations—You’ll have your memories, [There is a confusion of voices from beyond the flats, and cries of “Sit down!”]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Startled] What’s that? [Mrs. Fell rushes to the right door and peeks through, Twiller goes over to the right and up, and the stage manager rushes back to his post and disappears at the left.] What is it, Nelly?
Mrs. Fell.[Turning suddenly to Mrs. Pampinelli] They’re carrying a man out of the audience! [She looks back again through the peek, and Mrs. Pampinelli steps to the left door and peeks. Mrs. Sheppard sweeps on up at the left, and comes forward. She is a slim brunette, in her thirties, very attractive, and wearing the very last whisper in widow’s weeds. She looks around, rather dramatically, then sees the ladies. Mrs. Fell looks away from the peek-hole and sees her.] Betty, there’s Clara!
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Looking at Nelly] What?
Mrs. Fell.[Not wishing to be heard] Clara Sheppard. [Mrs. Pampinelli turns quickly.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Oh, Clara! [She goes towards her, and Clara advances a little.] I’m so glad to see you! [Clara breaks down and weeps.] Now, don’t do that, dear. You know Jimmy wouldn’t for anything in the world want you to feel that way. So be brave, honey. It was splendid of you to come here at all. And you look wonderful.
Mrs. Sheppard.I must look perfectly dreadful.
Mrs. Pampinelli.You don’t look anything of the kind, darling, you look perfectly beautiful.
Mrs. Sheppard.All I’ve done is cry.
Mrs. Pampinelli.I know just how you feel.
Mrs. Sheppard.But I didn’t want you to think I’d entirely forsaken the cause.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Oh, my dear, we understood perfectly.
Mrs. Sheppard.But I just felt Ihadto come here tonight.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Have you been out in front, Clara?
Mrs. Sheppard.Yes, I justhadto see it. I don’t think anybody saw me; I came in late, and stood way at the back.
Mrs. Pampinelli.They’d hardly see you.
Mrs. Sheppard.I don’t think so; I kept my veil lowered. Of course, I shouldloveto have been right down in front, where I could get all thosewonderfullittle subtleties. But, you know how it is,—I was afraid people might not understand my being here at all. It’s only three weeks, you know.
Mrs. Pampinelli.They wouldn’t, either.
Mrs. Sheppard.That’s what I thought.
Mrs. Pampinelli.I don’t suppose there’s one person inten thousandthat has dramatic instinct enough to appreciate the way you feel. [She turns to the left door and listens.]
Mrs. Sheppard.[Beginning to cry again] The flowers in the lobby are perfectly beautiful.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Still listening] Yes, but I’m not having them passed over the footlights tonight.
Mrs. Sheppard.[Drying her eyes] No?
Mrs. Pampinelli.Except one bouquet for each of the ladies. It took up too much time the last time.
Mrs. Sheppard.[Glancing about] Where’s Paula?
Mrs. Pampinelli.She’s upstairs, telephoning. She’s rather annoyed about Fred, you know.
Mrs. Sheppard.What about him? [Mrs. Pampinelli turns from the door suddenly and looks at her.]
Florence.[Beyond the flats] There is, my dear boy,—for lots of people——
Mrs. Pampinelli.Why, my dear, didn’t you hear?—about him falling downstairs last night?
Mrs. Sheppard.Oh, not really!
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Coming towards her] He fell almost the entire flight.
Mrs. Sheppard.Oh, dear me!
Mrs. Pampinelli.Poor Paula’s terribly upset.
Mrs. Sheppard.What was he doing, coming down the stairs?
Mrs. Pampinelli.No, he was watching our rehearsal. You know, we held the final rehearsal at Paula’s house last night—we couldn’t get this place.
Mrs. Sheppard.[Solicitously] Well, did he break anybones, Betty?
Mrs. Pampinelli.No,—Doctor Wentworth said—he was unconscious before he hit the floor. He said the fall was the result of a collapse; and that he would have fallen no matter where he had been. Unfortunately, he just happened to be on the stairs. [She turns back again to the left door.]
Mrs. Sheppard.[Retrospectively] Ithoughthe looked pale when I saw him out there tonight. [Mrs. Pampinelli turns suddenly and looks at her.]
Florence.[Beyond the flats] And you have a very modern wife.
Mrs. Pampinelli.When you saw him out here, you mean? [She indicates the audience beyond the flats.]
Mrs. Sheppard.Yes; he was standing out there at the back, right nearme.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Coming towards her again] Youmustbe mistaken, Clara.
Mrs. Sheppard.No, Betty, I’m quitesureI saw him.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Well, the only thingIknowis that Paula said he hadn’t regained consciousness when she left the house this evening at seven-thirty. [Mrs. Ritter comes on up at the back, from the left, and comes forward.] Here’s Paula now!
Mrs. Sheppard.[Turning round to her left] Poor dear, she must be terribly upset.
Mrs. Ritter.[Extending her arms] Clara, dear! [Mrs. Sheppard bursts into tears again.] This is so nice of you! [They embrace each other, and Mrs. Ritter starts to cry.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Isn’t she the sweet thing! [The door at the right opens.]
Mrs. Fell.[To the ladies] Shush! [They all turn and look toward the right door.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[With a gesture to Mrs. Ritter and Mrs. Sheppard] Shush! [Hossefrosse comes out the right door.]
Florence.[Beyond the flats] It’s gotten very chilly.
Hossefrosse.[Picking up his hat, cane and gloves from the chair] Yes, I know it has; I just came in a few minutes ago.
Florence.You had tickets for the theatre, didn’t you?
Hossefrosse.[Stepping back through the right door again] Yes.
Florence.Why not take me?—for a change. [The door closes.] You used to—years ago.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Turning to Mrs. Ritter andMrs. Sheppard] Paula, Clara says she thinks she saw Mr. Ritter out there tonight.
Mrs. Ritter.[Standing at the left] My dear, Jenny just told me over the telephone that he regained consciousness a half-hour after I left the house, and went out. Said she thought from the way he talked he was coming here.
Mrs. Sheppard.[In the center] Yes, I wassureI saw him standing out there— [Turning to Mrs. Ritter] I was just telling Betty.
Mrs. Ritter.I wonder if he’s out there yet.
Mrs. Sheppard.I don’t know, dear.
Mrs. Pampinelli.How much of the play did you see, Clara?
Mrs. Sheppard.Why, I stayed just as long as I could, Betty. But when Paula came on, and I heard those lines of mine again, I just couldn’t stand it. [She breaks down, and buries her face in her handkerchief.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Laying her hand on her arm] I know, Clara—you’re such an artist.
Mrs. Sheppard.[Pressing her hands against her bosom] Everything just seemed to come back on me.
Mrs. Pampinelli.I know how it is, dear.
Mrs. Sheppard.[Speaking directly to Mrs. Pampinelli] I got thinking how Jimmy would feel, if he could know, thathewas the cause of standing in the way of my firstrealopportunity. [She cries again.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Raising her eyes to Heaven] Perhaps he does know, dear.
Mrs. Sheppard.[Turning to her again] I mean, you know, he was always so anxious about my getting into the work. And, somehow or other, I alwaysfelt—that I could have done so much with that part. [Mrs. Ritter gives a vague little laugh, and Mrs. Sheppard turns to her quickly.] Oh, of course, you were perfectlyadorablein it, darling, I don’t mean that— [The left door opens, and Florence is standing in it, about to come out.]
Mrs. Fell.[To Mrs. Pampinelli, Mrs. Ritter and Mrs. Sheppard] Shush!
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Turning and going closer to the left door] Excuse me, Clara.
Mrs. Sheppard.Certainly, dear. [Twiller comes forward at the right.]
Florence.[Stepping through the door] By the way, there was a Mr. Robinson telephoned this morning, after you’d left the house— [Mrs. Sheppard waves her handkerchief at Florence, and Florence replies by quietly flicking her fingers at her. Then, still keeping in her character, she moves slowly towards the right, leaving the door open behind her.] He said something about a list being correct.
Hossefrosse.[Appearing in the doorway, carrying his hat, cane and gloves] Yes, I know. [He reaches towards the left, beyond the flats, as though he were pushing an electric-light button, then thrustshis head through the door and says in a fierce whisper.] Lights.
Florence.Lights out!
Mrs. FellandMrs. Pampinelli, together.
Mrs. Fell.Put out the lights, somebody!Mrs. Pampinelli.Lights, Mr. Stage Manager! [The stage manager appears from the left, at the back.]
Mrs. Fell.Put out the lights, somebody!
Mrs. Pampinelli.Lights, Mr. Stage Manager! [The stage manager appears from the left, at the back.]
Spindler.[Springing from the left, where he has been engaged in trying to repair the telephone-battery] Lights out!
Mrs. Pampinelli.Where are you! [The stage manager reaches up and pulls one of the switches on the switch-board at the back, and the lights beyond the flats go out; then he disappears again at the left.]
SpindlerandHossefrosse, together.
Spindler.I was right here!Hossefrosse.[Coming through the door] Yes, I know,— [Closing the door behind him] I talked to him. [Puts his hat on]
Spindler.I was right here!
Hossefrosse.[Coming through the door] Yes, I know,— [Closing the door behind him] I talked to him. [Puts his hat on]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Well, why aren’t you righthere, where you should be! Stand by for the curtain, now,—see if you can do that much right. Surely, it’s the old story of the lark,—if you want a thing done, do it yourself! Curtain!
Spindler.[Shouting] Curtain! [The curtain, beyond the flats, begins to roll down, and there is thunderous applause.]
Mrs. Fell.[To Florence] Marvelous, darling![Florence waves at her, turns, and rushes back towards the left.] Just lovely, Huxley!
Hossefrosse.Thanks. [He turns to the left.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Lights up! Splendid, children!
Florence.I’m awfully glad to see you, Clara!
Mrs. Sheppard,Mrs. Pampinelli,HossefrosseandSpindler, together.
Mrs. Sheppard.[Shaking hands with Florence] You were wonderful, Flossie!Mrs. Pampinelli.Take up the curtain, Mr. Stage Manager!Hossefrosse.Thank you very much.Spindler.Lights up! [The stage manager appears from the left and pulls the switch again, and the lights beyond the flats go on.]
Mrs. Sheppard.[Shaking hands with Florence] You were wonderful, Flossie!
Mrs. Pampinelli.Take up the curtain, Mr. Stage Manager!
Hossefrosse.Thank you very much.
Spindler.Lights up! [The stage manager appears from the left and pulls the switch again, and the lights beyond the flats go on.]
Spindler.Take it up! [The stage manager darts off again to the left. The waltz-music on the piano, beyond the flats, begins again.]
Hossefrosse.[Lifting his hat and beaming] Hello, Clara!
Mrs. Sheppard.Wonderful! [He deprecates profusely. The curtain rises again.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Go on, Mr. Hossefrosse! [He opens the right door, removing his hat.] Wait a moment, Mr. Hossefrosse! Come on, Florence! [Hossefrosse stops uncertainly in the doorway and looks at Mrs. Pampinelli.] It’s all right! Go on! [She opens the left door.] Here, go on here, Florence! [They go on, bowing, and there is prolonged applause.]Come on, Paula! go on here! [The curtain descends again. Paula scurries to the left door, giggling.] Where’s Mr. Twiller!
Twiller.[Springing over from the right, where he has been talking and laughing with Mrs. Fell] Here I am!
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Turning to the left] Take it up again, Mr. Stage Manager! [Turning back to Twiller, and opening the door] Here, Mr. Twiller, take Paula on! [The curtain can be seen through the left door rising again.] Come on, Paula! [Twiller drops his cane, in shifting it from his right hand to his left.] Hurry up! [He snatches the cane up, and, taking Paula by the arm, escorts her through the door. But she trips over the door-strip, nevertheless. And there is sustained applause. Mrs. Fell, over at the right, begins to preen herself feverishly. Mrs. Pampinelli closes the door slowly, and stands listening, smiling. Teddy appears up at the left and comes forward, pressing his violet handkerchief to his brow, and looking very wan. Mrs. Pampinelli turns to him.] Come on, Teddy, hurry up! They’re just going on! How do you feel? [The curtain descends.]
Teddy.Only fair.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Taking him by the right arm and urging him towards the right] Here, Nelly, go on for a bow with Teddy! [Rushing back towards the left] Take it up again, Mr. Stage Manager!
Mrs. Pampinelli,TeddyandSpindler, together.
Mrs. Pampinelli.Mr. Spindler!Teddy.[Opening the right door] Come on, Nelly!Spindler.[Half-way back, at the left] Take it up! [Rushing forward at the left] Yes?
Mrs. Pampinelli.Mr. Spindler!
Teddy.[Opening the right door] Come on, Nelly!
Spindler.[Half-way back, at the left] Take it up! [Rushing forward at the left] Yes?
Mrs. PampinelliandMrs. Fell, together.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[To Spindler] Keep it going up and down till I tell you to stop! And keep it up the next time till the gentlemen get the flowers!Mrs. Fell.[Shrinking away a little more to the right of the door, but still preening herself, almost hysterically, and breaking into a little nervous laugh] Oh, no, really, dear! I wouldn’tthinkof it! [Teddy goes through the right door. The curtain can be seen rising again; then the door closes after him; and Mrs. Fell continues talking, to herself.] Why, what have I done that I should go on. I wouldn’t mind if I’d taken some part in the play,—but I certainly don’t see—
Mrs. Pampinelli.[To Spindler] Keep it going up and down till I tell you to stop! And keep it up the next time till the gentlemen get the flowers!
Mrs. Fell.[Shrinking away a little more to the right of the door, but still preening herself, almost hysterically, and breaking into a little nervous laugh] Oh, no, really, dear! I wouldn’tthinkof it! [Teddy goes through the right door. The curtain can be seen rising again; then the door closes after him; and Mrs. Fell continues talking, to herself.] Why, what have I done that I should go on. I wouldn’t mind if I’d taken some part in the play,—but I certainly don’t see—
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Rushing back to the right] Go on, Nelly! what are you waiting for? [The curtain descends again. Mrs. Fell rushes towards Mrs. Pampinelli.]
Mrs. Fell.[Handing Mrs. Pampinelli the rolled manuscript] Hold this!
Mrs. Pampinelli.Hurry, dear! [Mrs. Fell rushes to the right door, settles herself finally, and flings the door open. The curtain is just rising. And, placing one hand upon her bosom, dropping her eyes and smiling, Nelly sways through the door, acknowledging the plaudits. Mrs. Pampinelli, standing in the middleof the stage, applauds, also, hitting the manuscript against her hand. The door closes after Mrs. Fell. Mrs. Sheppard, over at the left, suddenly bursts into tears and buries her face in her handkerchief. Mrs. Pampinelli turns quickly and looks at her, then crosses towards her.] Do you want to take a bow, Clara?
Mrs. Sheppard.Oh, no, thank you! [Mrs. Pampinelli turns back to the left door.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Get those flowers, boys! Keep it up, Mr. Stage Manager! Come on, Clara! go on for a bow! [Reaches for Mrs. Sheppard’s hand]
Mrs. Sheppard.[Giving Mrs. Pampinelli her hand, and allowing herself to be drawn towards the right] Do you think they’d understand, Betty?
Mrs. Pampinelli.Of course, they would, my dear! They know it isn’t your fault that you’re not appearing! [Mrs. Fell thrusts open the right door. She has a basket of roses in her hand.]
Mrs. Fell.They’recallingfor you, Betty! [Someone in the audience can be heard calling Mrs. Pampinelli’s name.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Here, Nelly, take Clara on for a bow!
Mrs. Fell.[Impatiently] They’re calling for you, dear! [Mrs. Sheppard hastily throws her veil back, dramatically.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.I’ll take one alone, afterwards! [The applause swells again.] Go on, Clara!
Mrs. Fell.[Extending her right hand] Come on, dear!
Mrs. Sheppard.[Giving Mrs. Fell her left hand] Oh, I don’t feel that I should! [Mrs. Fell keeps the door open, and Clara droops through, bowing. Then Mrs. Fell closes the door and Mrs. Pampinelli turns to the left.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.Keep it up, Mr. Spindler!
Spindler.Keep it up!
Hossefrosse.[Thrusting open the left door] Mrs. Pampinelli! [There is a vision through the door of the various artists bowing towards the back wall, all the ladies laden with flowers.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.All right, dear! I’m coming! [Hossefrosse closes the door, and Mrs. Pampinelli deftly touches her hair and flings her train out to its full length behind her. Then she speaks in a loud voice, so that she may be heard by those on the other side of the flats.] Everybody stand to one side! Stand to one side, everybody! [She pulls open the left door and stands, smiling: then she steps through the door; and, instantly, the curtain falls with a deafening crash. The door closes after her. Nelly Fell gives a piercing scream. Spindler comes rushing down from the left to the left door.]
Teddy.[Shouting, beyond the flats] Curtain!
Hossefrosse.Take up the curtain!
Twiller.Take it up! [There is a babel of voicesbeyond the flats. Then the left door is thrust violently open, and Mrs. Pampinelli looks out.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Harshly, to Spindler] What’s the matter with the curtain?
Spindler.[In a panic of excitement] Something’s broke! [The stage manager rushes on from the left and comes forward.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Coming out through the door and calling to the stage manager, whom she hasn’t seen yet] Take up the curtain, Mr. Stage Manager!
Stage Manager.I can’t take it up, the guy-rope’s broken! [He goes up at the left.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.What? [Mrs. Fell comes running through the right door, carrying her basket of flowers, and crosses towards the left.]
Mrs. FellandSpindler, together.
Mrs. Fell.What is it, Betty?Spindler.[To Mrs. Pampinelli] He says the guy-rope’s broken!
Mrs. Fell.What is it, Betty?
Spindler.[To Mrs. Pampinelli] He says the guy-rope’s broken!
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Brushing him aside, to the left, and rushing up at the left] My God! did anyone ever hear of such stupidity!
Mrs. Pampinelli,Mrs. FellandSpindler, together.
Mrs. Pampinelli.I’ll go on at the side here!Mrs. Fell.What’s the matter, Mr. Spindler?Spindler.[Shouting after Mrs. Pampinelli] He says he can’t get it up! [Mrs. Sheppard comes through the right doorway with an armload of American Beautyroses, and stands looking anxiously from side to side. Teddy follows her out and stands at her right, discussing the incident. Florence opens the left door and comes out. Her arms are full of tiger-lilies. She moves to the right and speaks to Mrs. Sheppard, nervously.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.I’ll go on at the side here!
Mrs. Fell.What’s the matter, Mr. Spindler?
Spindler.[Shouting after Mrs. Pampinelli] He says he can’t get it up! [Mrs. Sheppard comes through the right doorway with an armload of American Beautyroses, and stands looking anxiously from side to side. Teddy follows her out and stands at her right, discussing the incident. Florence opens the left door and comes out. Her arms are full of tiger-lilies. She moves to the right and speaks to Mrs. Sheppard, nervously.]
Stage Manager.You can’t get through there, lady! [Twiller comes out the left door.]
Mrs. PampinelliandStage Manager, together;
Mrs. Pampinelli.I must get through somewhere!Stage Manager.That tormentor’s too narrow there!
Mrs. Pampinelli.I must get through somewhere!
Stage Manager.That tormentor’s too narrow there!
Mrs. Pampinelli,Stage ManagerandMrs. Fell, together.
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Turning frantically and rushing forward again at the left] I’ll try the other side! He says it’s too narrow there!Stage Manager.I don’t know how you’re going to do it!Mrs. Fell.[As Mrs. Pampinelli sweeps between her and Spindler] What is it he says is broken, Betty? [Mrs. Pampinelli rushes over towards the right. She literally sweeps Twiller, who is in her path, out of the way, and he falls backward over a stage-brace, onto the floor. Mrs. Fell picks up her dress and runs after Mrs. Pampinelli.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[Turning frantically and rushing forward again at the left] I’ll try the other side! He says it’s too narrow there!
Stage Manager.I don’t know how you’re going to do it!
Mrs. Fell.[As Mrs. Pampinelli sweeps between her and Spindler] What is it he says is broken, Betty? [Mrs. Pampinelli rushes over towards the right. She literally sweeps Twiller, who is in her path, out of the way, and he falls backward over a stage-brace, onto the floor. Mrs. Fell picks up her dress and runs after Mrs. Pampinelli.]
Spindler.[Outrunning Mrs. Fell] The guy-rope!
Mrs. Fell.Well, why doesn’t he fix it! Betty! Betty dear! [Mrs. Pampinelli rushes up at the extreme right and tries desperately to find a way of getting through; but everything is solidly masked. Hossefrosse comes out the left door, and the stage manager comes forward at the left and stands looking after Mrs. Pampinelli.]
Hossefrosse.What’s the matter, can’t Mrs. Pampinelli get her bow?
Stage Manager.She can’t get on any more from that side than she can from this! [Hossefrosse steps out through the door and looks toward the right. The door closes after him.] There’s the same opening over there as there is here! [The applause beyond the flats, which has kept up throughout the debacle, begins to die. Mrs. Pampinelli comes sweeping back from the right with fire in her eye,—Nelly Fell and Spindler still at her heels. She plants herself in the middle of the stage and glares at the stage manager.]
Mrs. Pampinelli.[In a voice shrill with anger] My God! what’s the matter with your curtain!
Stage Manager.[Losing his temper] The guy-rope’s broken! I’ve told you that about a dozen times! [He turns doggedly away to the left, as though he were going up to his chair; but he stops short and finishes his remarks to her over his left shoulder.] What do you want me to do, write you a letter! [The left door is pushed quietly open; and Mrs. Ritter, with her facejust visible above a perfect screen of roses, looks blankly at the stage manager.]
Mrs. Ritter.[Vaguely] There’s something the matter with the curtain. [The real stage curtain commences to descend.]
Stage Manager.[Leaning towards her, assuming her general manner and tone, and flipping his hand at her] Y-E-E-S! [He goes up towards his chair, and Mrs. Ritter stands in wide-eyed astonishment.]
END OF THE ACT.