AN ELEGANT SUPPER will be provided under the superintendence of Mr. Phillips, of Steyne House, Brighton, and Oxford-street, London; and the Room will be opened at One o’Clock—to enliven which PROFESSIONAL GLEE SINGERS will be engaged, and at intervals a GRAND MILITARY BAND will perform some of the most favourite Overtures from La Muette de Portici, Siège de Corinth, Crociato in Egitto, &c., &c.
CHARLES WRIGHT’S Apparition appearing to an Hypochondriac.
Dans l’age heureux de la folieEn fêtes, dissipant nos jours.Nous suivons la route embellie,Par les Muses et les Amours.Au refrein des Tambourins,Au tic tac des Castignettes,Au jug jug du jus divin,Amis, chassons le chagrinLorsque le Champagne.Fait eu s’echappant Pan! Pan!Ce doux bruit me gagneL’ame et le tympane.
Further particulars will be duly announced.—Masks, Dominoes, Character and Fancy Dresses, to be had at the Masquerade Warehouse, Opera Colonade, Haymarket.
Tickets of Admission, One Guinea each; for Supper Tickets, 7s. 6d. each; and Private Boxes to view the Masquerade without mixing in the Motley Group, Domino, and Character Tickets, apply to Mr. Charles Wright, next the King’s Theatre, Opera Colonade, Haymarket.
DUCROW’S BENEFIT.
Royal Amphitheatre (Astley’s).—Mr.DUCROW has the honour of announcing his BENEFIT REPRESENTATION TO-MORROW EVENING, Sept. 7. For the full detail of the Novelties prepared, it will be necessary to refer to the hand bills, but the three following are leading features totally new, and have never been performed, viz.:—BONAPARTE’S PASSAGE OF THE MOUNT ST. BERNARD, for the Stage; to commence at a Quarter-past Six; and Mr. Ducrow’s two new Scenes for the Circle, of St. George and the Dragon, with its splendid Pageant, in honour of the Champion’s brave and puissant deed. With “Make way for Liberty; or, the Flight of the Saracens.” In addition to these he will represent the Animated Venetian Statue; or, Living Models of Antiques; and will appear with Miss Woolford on the Double Tight Rope. The exercises of the German Rider, Herr Berg, and a variety of other Entertainments.—To conclude with the Grand Romantic Spectacle of THE CATARACT OF THE GANGES.—Tickets to be had and places secured at the Box Office, from Eleven till Four.
To give the present generation of playgoers an insight into the manners and customs of the so-called “good old days:” and in the “hot youth” of our great grandfathers—and mothers: when George the Fourth was King of England: the dramatic version ofTom and Jerry; or, Life in London, is occasionally revived at one or other of the Metropolitan Minor Theatres. In 1868 Mr. Joseph A. Cave produced with distinguished success Moncrieff’s Adelphi adaptation, carefully revised at the:—
VICTORIA THEATRE.
It was announced thus:—
The Performance will commence with the Rattling, Rollicking, Rumantic and Picturesque Drama of every-day Society, in its highest and lowest phases, written by that celebrated reviewer of Mankind, the late W. T. Moncrieff, entitled
The Performance will commence with the Rattling, Rollicking, Rumantic and Picturesque Drama of every-day Society, in its highest and lowest phases, written by that celebrated reviewer of Mankind, the late W. T. Moncrieff, entitled
TOM AND JERRY;OR,Life in London Fifty Years Ago!
Squire Hawthorn An Old English Gentleman, one of the olden time Mr. J. BRADSHAW
Jerry Hawthorn His Nephew, rather verdant, until brought out Mr. JAMES FAWN
Farmer Cornflower—Mr. MILLER
Sir Harry Blood—a Buck—Mr. FASHION
Bill Pointer—an awkward one—Mr. TERRIER
Claw—a Lawyer—Mr. J. BAKER
Tom, alias Corinthian Tom—a blood of the first water—Mr. J. H. FITZPATRICK
Regular a Tiger, who knows his business Miss HUNT
Servant—Mr. ALFREDS
SPORTSMAN’S CABINET, HAWTHORN HALL.
Life in the Country—the party—preparations for the Departure of Jerry.
“Horses sound, dogs healthy, | Earths stopped, and foxes plenty.”
A Country Gentleman’s Idea of London Life.
Tom sets them on the right road—the word pledged—he shall go—one gone already—who? why, the Village Lawyer—Where? under the Table.
A Country Lane! Life and Love in a Cottage!
Tom’s Sanctum in Corinthian Lodge.
Jerry gets an Introduction to Fast Life—Tom’s Advice and Lesson—How the Trio started for Enjoyment.
BURLINGTON ARCADE.
The Lovers in Ambush—the Note—Tom receives a chaffing from Logic.
A look in at Tattersall’s—Tom and Jerry’s judgment in purchasing a Prad—how Jemmy Green bought a horse and was taken home and in by it.
HYDE PARK CORNER.
Tom and Jerry express their opinion strongly—the assignation—Tom’s appointment—Logic improves Jerry’s opinion of Town Education.
LIFE IN THE WEST (ALMACK’S). Act 2. LIFE IN THE EAST (ALL-MAX).
Bob, Tom and Logic in prime trim—the Treat—Put round the Lush—Dusty Bob and his Sarah.
Pas de DeuxMessrs. R. H. KITCHEN & T. LAMB.
Act 3. Life amongst the Fancy!
Tom and Jerry in a new phase—true admirers of English pluck—a Toast, “Long Life to Gallant Tom Crib.”
A STREET.
“Past Twelve o’clock and a Cloudy Night”—The Bucks revel—Mrs. Tartar in a fix—Help! Help! Help!
TEMPLE BAR BY NIGHT!
A Row—a rally, and a Rescue—how to box a Watchman—Tom and Jerry get the best of a Charley—Tom and Jerry in trouble after a spree.
INTERIOR OF ST. DUNSTAN’S WATCHHOUSE.
BACK SLUMS IN THE HOLY LAND.
Kate, Sue and Jane in new characters—Tom, Jerry and Logic up to their larks—the Thieves’ Supper (without cant)—the raid upon the Sanctuary—a terrific mill—Tom and Jerry in their glory—TABLEAU.
LEICESTER SQUARE.
Real Old Grimaldi Comic Scene.
Clown, Mr. R. H. KITCHENPantaloon, Mr. TOM LAMB
Here! Hollo! Now for Fun.
VAUXHALL GARDENS☞Magnificently Illuminated for a Fete.☜
The Recognition—all happy—the Lovers united—grand gallop—end of Tom and Jerry’s Life in London.
Brilliant Shower of Fire by Professor Wells.GRAND DENOUEMENT!
In consequence of the great success of the revival ofTomandJerryat theVictoria Theatre—where it ran nine weeks: Mr. Conquest, of theGrecian, and Mrs. Lane, of theBritannia Theatre, directly afterwards produced a version of the same. A year or two after that Mr. William Holland, of theSurrey Theatre, assisted by Mr. J. A. Cave, also staged it successfully.
In May, 1886, Mr. J. A. Cave re-produced the same at The Elephant and Castle Theatre, which was set forth thus:—
ELEPHANT & CASTLE THEATRE, S.E.Grand Theatre.LESSEE AND MANAGERMR. J. A. CAVE.Trains, Trams and Buses From all Parts Stop at the Doors.
TOM AND JERRY A BIG SUCCESS;GRAND REVIVAL OF LIFE IN LONDON 100 YEARS AGO.
Cruikshank’s far-famed Pictures Realised.—Manners and Customs of the Period.—OldHaunts of London. Life in the East. Life in the West.—Larks by Day.—Sprees by Night.Betting Cribs.—Sparring Cribs.—All the Noted Characters in Costumes of the time.—Themost Novel, Picturesque, and Amusing Entertainment in London. SeeDaily Telegraph,Globe, Morning Post, Sporting Life, Dispatch, Lloyds, &c.
Powerful Cast.All the Original Sensational Effects
Early Pass Doors open Nightly at 6.30.
SATURDAY, May 29th, 1886, and NIGHTLY at 7
TOM AND JERRY;OR,LIFE IN LONDON.
All the Original Music, Songs, Duets, Choruses, and Dances.PRODUCED from the Original Adelphi Manuscript, BY MR. J. A. CAVE.
The Scenes of Old London, &c., By Mr. Hedley Churchward.
****************
To conclude with, for the first time here, an Original Domestic Drama, of intense interest, entitledThe
WREN BOYS;Or, the Night Birds of Kerry.Introducing the entire Company.
Stage Manager, Mr. George Skinner.Musical Director, Mr. Henri G. French.
Williams & Strahan, Printers, 74, New Cut, Lambeth.
JestersandPainted Scenery.
Messrs. Hodson, Smart, West, Marks, Fairburn, Park, Skelt, and other publishers made a rich harvest out of the—“Price 1d. Plain and 2d. Coloured Characters ofTom and Jerry; or, Life in London,” together with miniature stages, and “Book of the Words” for the juvenile home-performing version of the drama.
How delightful the book, and the pictures!
—oh! the pictures are noble still!—was to the youths of England, and how eagerly all its promised feasts of pleasure were devoured by them, Thackeray has told us in his Roundabout Paper, “De Juventure” in theCornhill Magazinefor October, 1860.
THE TRUE HISTORY OF TOM & JERRY: OR, The Day and Night Scenes OF LIFE IN LONDON, BY PIERCE EGAN.
A man is thirty years old before he has any settled thoughts of his Fortune: and if it is not completed before fifty; he falls a building in his old age, and dies by that time his House is in a condition to be painted and glazed.
HISTORY
OF THE
LIFE IN LONDON;
OR, THE
DAY AND NIGHT SCENES
OF
Tom and Jerry.
In the early part of the year 1820, the British public were informed through the then existing usual advertising mediums that there was about to be published, in monthly parts,“Pierce Egan’s Life in London; or, the Day and Night Scenes of Jerry Hawthorn, Esq.; and his elegant friend Corinthian Tom, accompanied by Bob Logic, the Oxonian, in their Rambles and Sprees through the Metropolis. Embellished with thirty-six Scenes from Real Life, designed and etched by I. R. and G. Cruikshank, and enriched with numerous original Designs on Wood by the same Artists.”
Some time previous to its appearance a great taste had exhibited itself amongst fashionable bloods for sporting works—books upon the chase, upon racing, upon boxing, and ‘sport’ generally. The demand soon brought an excellent supply, and “Boxiana,” in its own peculiar department, at once became a great favourite. Artists, too, arose, who devoted all their powers to hunting subjects, to racing favourites, and pugilistic encounters. Amongst these the names of Alkén, Dighton, Heath, Brooke, Rowlandson, &c., became very popular. One day it occurred to the editor of ‘Boxiana’ that if Londoners were so anxious for books about country and out-of-door sports, why should not Provincials and even Cockneys themselves be equally anxious to know something of “Life in London?” The editor of ‘Boxiana’ was Mr. Pierce Egan, who as the literary representative of sport and high life, had already been introduced to George IV., the character of the proposed work was mentioned to the King and his Gracious Majesty seems to have heartily approved of it, for he at once gave permission for it to be dedicated to himself. The services of Messrs. George and Robert Cruikshank were secured as illustrators.
And on the 15th July, the first number, price one shilling, was published by Messrs. Sherwood, Neely, and Jones, of Paternoster Row. This sample, or first instalment, of the entirework was quite enough for society to judge by. It took both town and country by storm. It was found to be the exact thing in literature that the readers of those days wanted. Edition after edition was called for—and supplied, as fast as the illustrations could be got away from the small army of women and children who were colouring them. With the appearance of numbers two and three, the demand increased, and a revolution in our literature, in our drama, and even in our nomenclature began to develope itself. All the announcements from Paternoster Row were of books, great and small, depicting life in London; dramatists at once turned their attention to the same subject, and tailors, bootmakers, and hatters, recommended nothing but Corinthian shapes, and Tom and Jerry patterns.[29]
Immediately Messrs. Sherwood and Co. issued the first shilling number of Mr. Pierce Egan’s work, out came Jones and Co., of Finsbury Square, with the following in sixpenny numbers:—
REAL LIFE IN LONDON;
or, The Rambles and Adventures ofBob Tallyho, Esq., and his Cousin, the Hon.Tom Dashall, through the Metropolis. Exhibiting a Living Picture of Fashionable Characters, Manners, Amusements in High and Low Life, by an Amateur. Embellished and Illustrated with a Series of Coloured Prints, Designed and Engraved by Messrs. Heath, Alkén, Dighton, Rowlandson, &c.
As may be readily conceived, the stage soon claimed “Tom and Jerry.” The first drama founded upon the work was from the pen of Mr. Barrymore, and thus announced in thebill:—“Royal Amphitheatre. Extraordinary Novelty and Eccentric Production. Monday, September 17, 1821, at half-past six o’clock precisely, will be presented, never acted, an entirely New, Whimsical, Local, Melo-Dramatic, Pantomimical Drama, with new scenery, dresses, and mechanical changes, founded on Pierce Egan’s popular work, which has lately engrossed the attention of all London, called ‘Life in London;’ or, Day and Night Scenes of Tom and Jerry, in their Rambles and Sprees through the Metropolis.” The piece prepared for stage representation by Mr. W. Barrymore.[30]
“Corinthian Tom, Mr. Gomersal; Jerry Hawthorn, Mr. Jones; and Bob Logic, Mr. Herring.”
The second dramatic version was written for the Olympic Theatre, by Charles Dibden, and thus set forth in the bill:—“Olympic Theatre. On Monday, November 12, 1821, and following evenings, will be presented a New Extravaganza of Fun, founded on Pierce Egan’s highly popular work, and interspersed with a variety of Airs and Graces, called “Life in London.”
“Tom(a Capital of the Corinthian Order) Mr. Baker.
“Jerry Hawthorn(out of Order, and more of the Composite than Corinthian, never intended for the Church, though fond of a Steeple-chase). Mr. Oxberry.
“Logic(a Chopping Boy, ‘full of wise saws and modern instances’)., by Mr. Vale.”
LIFE IN LONDON
ADescription of the Metropolis
Written and Set to Music byCORINTHIAN TOM.
London Town’sa dashing place—For ev’ry thing that’s going,There’sfunandgigin every face—so natty and soknowing.WhereNoveltyis all the rage—From high to low degree,Such prettyloungesto engage—Only come and see!:—What charming sights—On gala nights,Masquerades—Grand parades,Famed gas lights—Knowing fights,RandallandCribb—Know how tofib.Tothill-fields—Pleasure yields.The Norwich bull—With antics full.Plenty of news—All to amuse;The Monkey “Jacco”—All the crack O!Ambroghetti’s squall—Match girl’s bawl!Put on thegloves—Playful as dovesThen show yourforte—At theFives’ Court;Conjurors rare—AtBartlemyfair;Polito’sbeasts—See city feasts,Lord Mayor’s day—Then the play,Adelphi Theatre—Pretty feature!Rotton Row—All the Go!In the Bench—Keep your wench.When next you roam—Mathew’s “At Home!”Such prime joking—Lots of smoking;Here all dash on—In the fashion.Chorus—Dancing, singing, full of glee,O London, London town for me!From ev’ry part the natives run,To view this spot of land;All are delighted with the fun,Astonish’d’tis so grand!To Vauxhall haste to see the blaze.Such variegated lights;The ladies’ charms are all the gaze—Noartificialsights!:—Lovely Faces—Full of graces,Heavenly charms—Create alarms!Such glances—And dances.To the sky—SeeSaquifly—In the blaze—All to amaze.Cyprians fine—Kidsfull of wine,Orchestre grand—Pandean band;Charming singing—Pleasure bringing;Great attraction—And satisfaction:Plenty ofhoaxing—Strong coaxing;Beautiful shapes—Beaux and apes,Prone to quiz—Every phiz!Dashing glasses—Queering lasses;Flashy cits—Numerous wits;Loud talking—Thousands walking:Rare treating—Numbers eating;Punch and wine—Every thing prime,GrandCascade—Once displayed;Duke and groom—In one room;Here all dash on—In the fashion!Chorus—Dancing, singing, full of glee,O London, London town for me!And variousfanciesthere display’d,To please and cheer the mind;They captivate both man and maid,All polite and kind,See fashion driving through each street,With splendour and renown:Pedestrians, too, withshiningfeet;O, what a charming town!:—Four-in-hand—Down the Strand!Funny gigs—With knowing wigs;Baxter’shats—That queer the flats;Flashy whips—With silver tips,Leathern breech—Pretty stitch!High-bred cattle—Tittle tattle,Tattersallsell—Peep into “Hell!”Full of play—And make a stay;HearKeanspeak,Grimaldisqueak!Courts of law—Full of jaw;Broughamplead—Macauleyread;And Old Borum—At the Forum;To Opera prance—See Vestris dance,At Free and Easy—Full and greasy;Prime song and catch—The Trotting-matchLondon Cries—O rare hot pies!Sadler’s Wells—In summer tells;Quick approach—In Hackney-coach;Take yourDaffy—All be happy:And then dash on—In the fashion.Chorus—Dancing, singing, full of glee,O London, London town for me!
Mr. W. T. Moncrieff—one of the most successful and prolific writers of the day—appeared as the third on the list of dramatists, and it was announced at the Adelphi Theatre in the following style:—“On Monday, Nov. 26th, 1821, will be presented for the first time, on a scale of unprecedented extent (having been many weeks in preparation, under the superintendence of several of the most celebrated Artists, both in theUps and Downsof Life, who have all kindly come forward to assist the Proprietors in their endeavours to render this Piece a complete out-and-outer), an entirely new Classic, Comic, Operatic, Didactic, Aristophanic, Localic, Analytic, Panoramic, Camera-Obscura-ic, Extravaganza Burletta of Fun, Frolic, Fashion, and Flash, in three acts, called ‘TomandJerry; or,Life in London.’ Replete with Prime Chaunts, Rum Glees, and Kiddy Catches, founded on Pierce Egan’s well-known and highly popular work of the same name, by a celebrated extravagant erratic Author. The Music selected and modified by him, from the most eminent composers, ancient and modern, and every Air furnished with an attendant train of Graces. The costume and scenery superintended by Mr. I. R. Cruikshank, from the Drawings by himself and his brother, Mr. George Cruikshank, the celebrated Artists of the original work.”
TOM AND JERRY;OR, LIFE IN LONDON.
AN OPERATIC EXTRAVAGANZA
BY W. T. MONCRIEFF.
Dramatis Personæ.
As performed at the Adelphi Theatre.
Many of the names in the above cast will be familiar to old playgoers, as most of the persons engaged in the performance became great favourites with the public, and remained on the British stage for the remaining part of their respective lives. Now:—
“All, all are gone, the old familiar faces.”
Tom and Jerry.
SCENE—Chaffing Crib in Corinthian House.—Table, Boxing Gloves, Chairs, Foils, &c., &c.
EnterTOMandJERRY,as just arrived.
Tom.Ya! hip! come along, Jerry; here we are safe arrived, my boy.Welcome, my dear Jerry, to Corinthian Hall—to my snug chaffing crib—where, I hope, we shall have many a rare bit of gig together.
Jerry.Chaffing crib! I’m at fault, coz, can’t follow.
Tom.My prattling parlour—my head quarters, coz—where I unbend with my pals. You are now in London the bang-up spot of the world for fun, frolic, and out-and-out-ing. Here it shall be my care, Jerry, to introduce you to all sorts of life—from the flowers of society, the roses, pinks, and tulips, of one court, to the mechanical tag-rag and bobtail—vegetables—bunches of turnips—and strings of ing-ens, of another: for without a proper introduction, London, gay, bustling, various, as it is, would be no more than an immense wilderness.
Jerry.I suppose not. I’ll do as much for you another time.
Tom.We must make the best use of our time; I have seen a great deal of life myself; still I have a great deal yet to see. But let me give you a caution or two before we set out; never be too confident—rather at all times plead ignorance than show it; never disgrace the character of a friend, in that family where you are introduced as a friend; let the honour of the husband and the peace of the father be preserved inviolable; and never have the once friendly door be shut against you, either as a seducer—a hypocrite—or a scoundrel. But I say, my dear fellow, what do you call all this?—this toggery of yours will never fit—you must have a new rig-out.
Jerry.Eh! oh! I understand. You think the cut of my clothes rather too rustic—eh?
Tom.Exactly; dress is the order of the day. A man must have thelookof a gentleman, if he has nothing else. We must assume a style if we have it not. This, what do you call it?—this cover-me-decently, was all very well at Hawthorn Hall, I dare say; but here, among the pinks in Rotten-row, the ladybirds in the Saloon, the angelics at Almack’s, the-top-of-the-tree heroes, the legs and levanters at Tattersall’s, nay, even among the millers at the Fives, it would be taken for nothing less than the index of a complete flat.
Jerry.I suppose not—what’s to be done?
Tom.I’ll tell you; before we start on our sprees and rambles, I’ll send for that kiddy-artist, Dicky Primefit, the dandy habit maker, of Regent-street. He shall rig you out in grand twig, in no time. Here, Regular! (Calls).
Reg.Here I am sir.
Tom.Send for Dicky Primefit, directly.
Reg.What! the sufferer, Sir?
Tom.Yes, that’s the fellow; tell him to bring his card of address with him.
Jerry.Sufferer! I’m at fault again, Tom; can’t follow.
Tom.The tailor, Jerry: we do make them suffer sometimes.
Reg.Yes, sir, the tailor bless me, how very uneducated; I thought every gentleman knew his tailor was the sufferer; I’m sure I know mine is, and to some tune too, I’ll chivey the rascal here directly, sir.
[Exit.
Tom.You shall go into training for a swell at once.
Jerry.A swell! I’m at fault again.
Tom.A swell, my dear Jerry——
Log.(Speaks without). Just arrived, eh, very well. I’ll go up!
Tom.But stay; here comes my friend Bob Logic; he shall tell you what a swell is—his head contains all the learning—I beg his pardon—all the larks extant; he is a complete walking map of the metropolis—a perfect pocket dictionary of all the flash cant, and slang patter, either of St. James’s or St. Giles’s; only twig him. Welcome, my dear Bob; ten thousand welcomes.
Mr. ROBERT LOGIC. Albany.
EnterLOGIC.
Log.Thankye, my dear Tom—thankye. Seeing your natty gig and fast trotter at the door, as I passed, I couldn’t avoid popping in to welcome youback to town. You’ve been sadly miss’d among the big ones since you’ve been away. Lots of chaffing about you at Daffy’s.
Tom.I suppose so. You couldn’t have popped in more opportunely! Allow me to introduce to you my companion and cousin, Jeremiah Hawthorn, Esquire, from Somersetshire; Jerry Hawthorn, Doctor Logic, commonly called Bob Logic—Doctor Logic, Jerry Hawthorn. Bob is the most finished man of all the pavé, Jerry, whether for drinking, roving, getting in a row or getting out of one.
Log.Oh, you flatter me! I yield the palm to you in those particulars. To be sure I always was a knowing one.
Tom.You were, Bob.
Log.(To Jerry). Your most obedient, sir; happy to see you. Where did you pick him up? (To Tom).
Tom.A slip from the chawbacons; rescued him from yokels. The business is this; bred up in Somersetshire. Jerry has never before crossed Claverton Downs. He is now come to see life, and rub off a little of the rust. In effecting this desirable consummation you can materially assist; under so skilful a professor of the flash as you, Bob—
Jerry.Flash! I’m at fault again, Tom.
Tom.Explain, Bob.
Log.Flash, my young friend, or slang as others call it, is the classical language of the Holy Land; in other words, St. Giles’s Greek.
Jerry.St. Giles’s Greek; that is a language, doctor, with which I am totally unacquainted, although I was brought up at a Grammar School.
Log.You are not particular in that respect; many great scholars, and better linguists than you, are quite as ignorant of it, it being studied more in the Hammer Schools than the Grammar Schools. Flash, my young friend, or slang, as others call it, is a species of cant in which the knowing ones conceal their roguery from the flats; and it is one of the advantages of seeing Life in London, that you may learn to talk to a rogue in his own language, and fight him with his own weapons.
Tom.I was telling him before you came in, Bob, that he must go in training for a swell, and he didn’t understand what I meant.
Jerry.Oh, yes, I did, Tom.
Tom.No, no, you didn’t; come, confess your ignorance.
Log.Not know what a swell meant?
Tom.No: he wasn’t up.
Jerry.Not up?
Log.That is, you were not down.
Jerry.Not down!
Tom.No; you’re green!
Jerry.Green!
Log.Ah! not fly!
Tom.Yes, not awake!
Jerry.“Green! fly! awake!” D—me, but I’m at fault. I don’t understand one word you are saying.
Log.We know you don’t, and that’s what we’re telling you. Poor young man—very uninformed.
Tom.Quite ignorant, isn’t he, Bob?
Log.Melancholy to think of—quite lamentable.
Tom.You must go to school, again, Jerry.
Jerry.What! the Hammer School?
Log.Yes, take your degrees under the classical Captain Grose. A swell, my dear boy, or rather an empty swell, is an animal very plentiful in the fashionable world; which, like the frog in the fable, wishing to appear greater than it is, and vie with the substantial John Bulls of the Exchange, keeps puffing and puffing itself out, till it bursts in the attempt, and proves its appearance, like itself, a bubble.
EnterREGULAR.
Reg.The sufferer’s carriage is at the door, sir.
Tom.What, Dicky Primefit? trundle him in.
Reg.This way, Mr. Primefit.
Prime.(Without). Have the goodness, young man, to desire my footman to tell my coachman to turn the horses heads towards the Military Club House:—
EnterPRIMEFIT.
And take that pair of buckskins from under the seat, that I’m going to take home to the Duke of Dolittle.
Reg.Very well Mr. Thing-emy. Must stick it into him for a new pair ofkickses, by-and-by.
[Exit.
Prime.Gentlemen, your most obedient. Mr. Corinthian, yours. What are your commands? was it your little bill you wanted? because if it is, I’ve got it all ready—’tis but a small account! (Unrolls long bill).
Tom.Eh! (Looking at it). Oh, d—n your bill!
Log.(After looking at it). Ah, d—n your bill! (Throws himself on sofa).
Jerry.(Walking round it). Yes, d—n your bill!—I’m up, down, and see—I’m fly!
Prime.Very well, gentlemen, with all my heart—dem the bill; I’ll take care of the receipt though; (aside.) as you don’t want to discharge your account, Mr. Corinthian, perhaps you wish to add to it; if so, I’ll take your orders with pleasure.
Jerry in Training for a Swell.
Tom.You’ve nicked it; the fact is this, Dicky—you must turn missionary. Here is a young native from the country, just caught, whom you must civilise.
Prime.Oh! I understand. From the cut of the gentleman’s clothes, I presume he’s lately come from the Esquimaux Islands.
Tom.Ha! ha! very good Primefit; I say, Jerry—you see he’s down upon you.
Jerry.Yes, he’s up, he’s awake, he’s fly—Ha! ha!
Tom.Now Dicky, out with your rainbow.
Prime.Here are the patterns, gentlemen, the very last fashions, every one; you can choose for yourself; but this is the colour most in vogue—generally greens.
Jerry.Yes, I’m told you London tailors are particularly fond of greens—cabbage to wit. But I am not very particular; only let me have something of this cut. (Turning round and showing himself).
Tom.Oh, no, hang that cut; the colour may fit; but the cut never will.
Prime.By the by, if the gentleman’s in a hurry, I’ve a suit of clothes in my carriage, that I was about to take home to the Marquis of Squander, which I think will fit him exactly.
Tom.Eh, the Marquis of Squander—just Jerry’s diameter; why that will be the very thing. Let it be laid on the table directly.
Prime.Young man, bring that there bundle, into this here room. (Regular brings on bundle). You will find these perfectlycomme il faut, I can assure you.
Tom.Come, Jerry, cast your skin—peel—slip into the swell case at once, my boy—are you up?
Jerry.Peel! oh, I know—I’m down, Tom, I’m fly.
Tom.Come, Dicky, put him all right—screw him into them.
Prime.You may rely upon me, Mr. Corinthian.
(Jerry is fitted with Coat and Waistcoat; meantime, Tom and Regular box with gloves.—When Jerry is dressed he struts along the front of the stage).
Jerry.A tight fit, not much hunting room,—no matter,—there, Tom I’m all fly.
Tom.I knew Dicky would finish him, There’s not a better snyder in England, taking Nugee, Dollman, the Baron, and Rowlands into the bargain against him. That will do—now then Dicky, mizzle!—be scarce!—broom.
Prime.Wouldn’t intrude a moment, gentlemen, good morning—order my carriage, there, John—I’ll just take an ice, and then for the Duke.
[Exit.
Jerry.The Duke and an ice—cursed cool—if these are the London tailors, what must be their customers?
Log.It’s the blunt that does it—blunt makes the man, Jerry.
Jerry.Blunt! I’m at fault again.
Tom.Explain, Bob——
Log.Blunt, my dear boy, is—in short what is it not? It’s every thing now o’days—to be able to flash the screens—sport the rhino—show the needful—post the pony—nap the rent—stump the pewter—tip the brads—and down with the dust, is to be at once good, great, handsome, accomplished, and everything that’s desirable—money, money, is your universal God,—only get into Tip Street, Jerry.
Tom.Well, come let’s make a start of it—where shall we go? No matter. I commit him to your care, Bob—use him well, remember he is not out of pupil’s straits, and musn’t be blown up at point nonplus yet.
Jerry.Why on London points I confess I am miserably ignorant. But for anything in the country, now—such as leaping a five-barred gate, jumping a ditch, trotting my pony against anything alive, wrestling, cudgelling, or kissing in the ring, depend on it, Tom, you’ll find me—fly.
Log.He’s a fine-spirited youth, and will soon make a tie of it with us—we’ll start first to the show shop of the metropolis, Hyde Park!—promenade it down the grand strut, take a ride with the pinks in Rotten Row, where dukes and dealers in queer—heavy plodders and operators—noblemen, and yokels—barber’s clerks, costard-mongers—swell coves, and rainbows, alljostle one another; then we’ll have a stroll through Burlington Arcade, peep in at Tattersal’s, and finish as fancy leads us.
Tom.Bravo! Hyde Park! Burlington Arcade! nothing can be better.
Log.No; Arcades are all the go now.
SONG.Air.—“Carnival of Venice.”Bazaars have long since had their day,Are common grown and low;And now, at powerful Fashion’s sway,Arcades are all the go.Then let’s to Piccadilly haste,And wander through the shade;And half an hour of pleasure taste,In Burlington Arcade.
Tom.Now, my dear Jerry, to introduce you to another scene of Life in London;—you have taken a ride among the pinks in Rotten Row, have dipped into the Westminster pit, sported your blunt with the flue-fakers and gay tyke boys on the phenomenon monkey[31]—seen that gamest of all buffers, Rumpty-tum, with the rats; and now you can make assignation with some of our dashing straw-chippers and nob-thatchers in Burlington Arcade:—This is the very walk of Cupid and here——
[Jane slips the letter into his hand and runs off.
Tom.I say, you messenger of Cupid—hey, why zounds, she’s bolted!
Log.You’ll give chase, Tom?
Tom.To be sure I will, Bob.
Jerry.I see her, clearing the corner of yonder street—I’m not at fault now.
Tom.Tip us the view hallo! then, Jerry.
Jerry.Yoicks! yoicks!
Exeunt Omnes.
SCENE.—Tattersall’s.—Grooms, Jockeys, I’s Yorkshire-Coves, Blacklegs.
Cope.Well, Master Gull’em, do you think we shall get the flat-catcher off to-day?
Gul.As sure as your name is Simon Cope, only wait till the flats come—have you given his pedigree to Tattersall?
Cope.Yes; and he’s promised to put him up first.
Gul.Mind, you’re the seller,—I’m the bidder—hallo! here’s three swells coming this way—that one in the middle, looks like a flat, we must try it on upon him.
Cope.Hush! don’t let’s appear to know one another.
EnterTOM, JERRY,andLOGIC.
Tom.Confound the little gipsy, she has fairly given us the slip, by Jupiter—however, the assignation must be attended to.—Almack’s! smacks well. You are now at Tattersall’s, Jerry, a very worthy fellow, who made his fortune by a horse called Highflyer. In remembrance of whom the following epitaph was written:—
Here LiethThe perfect and beautiful symmetryOf the much-lamentedHIGHFLYER;By whom, and his wonderful offspring,The celebratedTattersallacquired a noble fortune,But he was not ashamed to acknowledge it.In gratitude to this famousStallionHe called an elegant mansion he builtHighflyer Hall.
Jerry.Hum! and if one may judge from the splendour and extent of his premises, he seems to be no small highflyer himself.
Tom.You are right, Jerry—I shall here buy a bit of cavalry—that is a prad, on your judgment.
Jerry.You’ll not find me at fault here, depend on’t.
Tom.What you’re up, eh?
Jerry.Yes, quite fly, depend on’t.
Gul.I beg pardon, gemmen—want to buy a prad? here’s one a gentleman wants to sell—you can’t have a better, Sir; here, you Bob, bring him out. There’s action for you—there’s one to tip ’em the go-bye at a mill,—there’s earth-stoppers—quiet to drive, quiet in harness, trots fifteen miles in less than an hour. Warranted sound—he would be cheap at a hundred, and I shouldn’t wonder if he was to go for thirty.
Jerry.Ah, thirty-pence—two-and-six-pence,—I wouldn’t have him at a gift.
Log.He may be a good one to go—but he’s a rum one to look at—one of my Lord Cagmag’s sort, he always drives two puffers, a stumbler, and a blinker.
Gul.(To Cope). These chaps are awake; it wont suit.
Cope.Never mind, we shall meet a flat presently.
Tat.(Who has now mounted the rostrum). Now, gentlemen, we’ll proceed to business. The first article I have to offer to your notice is that primeYorkshire stallion Bite—he was got by Blackleg out of Greenhorn—what shall I say, gentlemen, for this beautiful and most serviceable animal?—he is rising five, next grass—warranted sound—perfect in all his paces.
Tom.Nine pence.
Tat.Oh, Sir! (To Jerry). What do you say, Sir?
Jerry.Why, if you’ll put his other eye in, I’ll give you three halfpence a pound for him.
Log.Let’s be off, Tom—Come, Jerry.
[Exit Tom, Jerry, and Logic.
Tat.Come, gentlemen, will nobody be a bidder?
EnterJEMMY GREEN.
Green.Yes, I’ll bid—I’ll bid. Mr. Green from the City. I wants an ’orse, and I like the looks of that ’ere hanimal amazingly, and I’m no bad judge, I tell you that.
Gul.Here’s a customer, by jingo. It’s booked. Mr. Green’s the purchaser. (Aside). That’s a famous horse, that there, Sir—I mean to have him at any price.
Green.I don’t know that, Mister.
Gul.I must clench it at once—fifteen pounds for that ’ere horse.
Green.Twenty pounds, Mr. Hauctioneer.
Cope.Beg pardon, Sir, but you can’t have a better horse, and he’s cheap at fifty.
Green.I am wery much obliged to you for your adwice—but I happens to know what an ’orse is—I’m not ahass! I’ll have him, but I shan’t go further nor forty.
Gul.Five and twenty pounds.
Green.Thirty.
Tat.Thirty pounds; any advance upon thirty pounds?
Green.Yes, five more.
Tat.Thankye, Sir; thirty-five.
Gul.Thirty-six, my regular.
Green.Thirty-seven, my regular.
Gul.Thirty-nine.
Green.Thirty-nine, for me too.
Tat.It’s against you, Mr. Green.
Green.Against me is it? vy I bid as much as him.—Vell, forty!
Tat.For forty pounds, have you all done at forty? last time at forty—forty—going for forty! going—going—gone! Mr. Green, he’s yours.
Green.I’ve bought him!
Tat.You have indeed, Sir!
Green.Here’s your money, Sir—Mr. Green, from Tooley Street—you’ll find two twenties! and I’m wery much obliged to you for your serwility.
Cope.You don’t want a civil honest lad to lead him home for your honour, do you, Sir?
Green.No thank’ye, I’m not going to trust an hanimal like that with nobody but myself. Can nobody have the goodness to lend me a bit of rope, to get him along vith?
Cope.No we’ve got you in a line, and that’s quite enough. (Aside) You bought him too cheap, to have rope with him, Sir; but here’s a hay-band, that will do perhaps.
Green.An ay-band—oh, ah; an ay-band will do very well,—do you think I can get him as far as Tooley Street, vith this?
Cope.Oh, yes, Sir, he’s as quiet as a lamb, and a famous hunter.
Green.An unter! I’ve taken ’em all in; I’ve bought an unter!
Cope.Ah, and nothing but a good one neither—such a one to clear a gate.
Green.Vot? clear a gate! vy, then, I sha’n’t have to pay no turnpikes!—How pleased they’ll be in Tooley Street, when I tell’s my pa I’ve bought an unter!
Gul.We’ll get something more out of him yet. (Aside to Cope). So you think you have bought that ’ere horse, do you Mister?—Now, I say, I’ve bought him. (To Green)
Green.You bought him? that’s a good un! but I’m not to be taken in in this here manner!—if you bought him, I paid for him, that’s all I know.
Gul.I say I bought him, and the horse is mine.
Green.I say as how you are a wery unpurlite gentleman.
Cope.Oh gentlemen, I’m sorry to see you quarrel.—(To Gull’em)—Let me speak to the gentleman, and I’ll convince him.—(To Green)—Sir, if you’ll give me one pound note, I’ll swear you bought him, and that the horse is yours.
Green.Sir, I’m wery much obliged to you, you’re werry purlite; and as I don’t mind a von pound note, and vishes to ’ave that ’ere hanimal all to myself, vy, there’s the money.
Cope.I’ve done him. (To Gull’em). Oh, the horse belongs to this gentleman,—I saw him pay for it.
Green.To be sure he did.
Gul.Oh, if you paid for him you certainly bought him.
Green.Certainly; I’m glad it’s all settled: I think as how I may as vell ride him home. Vill you please to assist me to mount?—(Gull’m puts him with his face to the horse’s tail).
Green.Holloa! vy the horse’s head’s behind. Turn him round, if you please, young man. Come no tricks.—(They turn the horse round).—Vy the horse’s head is behind yet.—(Green jumps off his back).—I see you are going it, but I’m not to be had—I’m a knowing von! I shall lead him home myself.—Good morning, gentleman, I thank you for all your serwilities.
Jarvey! Here am I, ye’r honour.
SCENE.—Hyde Park Corner.
EnterTOM, JERRY,andLOGIC.
Tom.Ha! ha! ha! was there ever such a flat as that Mr. Green?—we can buy no prad to-day, Jerry; we must go when some gentlemen’s stud is selling; and while the dealers are running down the cattle, we can get a prime good one for a song. But now for Almack’s—the highest Life in London! and see what game Cupid has sprung up for us in that quarter.
Jerry.I long to be there,—let’s hasten to dress at once.
Log.Aye; call a rattler.
Jerry.A rattler! I’m at fault again.
Log.A rattler is a rumbler, otherwise a jarvey! better known perhaps by the name of a hack; handy enough in wet weather, or a hurry.
Jerry.A hack! If it is the thing we rattled over the stones in to-day, it might more properly be called a bone-setter.
Tom.Or bone-breaker—But if you dislike going in a hack, we’ll get you a mab.
Jerry.A mab! I’m at fault again—never shall get properly broken in.
Tom.A mab is a jingling jarvey!—a cabriolet Jerry—but we must mind our flash doesn’t peep out at Almack’s. ’Tis classic ground there; the rallying spot of all the rank, wealth, and beauty in the metropolis; the very atmosphere of it is—
The Bang-up of the Big Wigs.
Jerry.Rather different to that of Rum-ti-tum and the rats. I should imagine.
Tom.A shade or two!—we must be on our P’s and Q’s there—forget the Phenomenon and the Fancy. If you find me tripping, Jerry, whisper Lethe to bury it in oblivion; and, if necessary, I’ll do the same kind office for you.
Jerry.Ten thousand thanks!
Log.Come along, then. Now, Jerry, chivey!
Jerry.Chivey?
Log.Mizzle?
Jerry.Mizzle?
Log.Tip you rags a gallop!
Jerry.Tip my rags a gallop?
Log.Walk your trotters!
Jerry.Walk my trotters?
Log.Bolt!
Jerry.Bolt? oh, aye! I’m fly now. You mean go.—Exeunt Omnes
Almack’s in the West.