TOOBAD THE TAILOR

The Poppykok pasted a magic postage stamp on his cheek

"There you are," said the Poppykok, "a good job, well done. Bon voyage!"

"Bon what?" began Zep, "I—I—"

"That's all right," responded the Poppykok, "you don't know where you're going, but you're going. Good-by! I'll see you later!"

And then Zep felt himself leap into the air and start off with a whiz. And the more he whizzed, the more he whizzed, until it seemed as though he would never stop whizzing.

"My gracious," he thought, as well as he could as he hurried along, "what on earth has happened to me, and where, oh where, am I going? This is really dreadful!"

And indeed it was for a little while. But presently he began to get used to the whizzing, and finally found himself descending in a graceful curve before a large and ornate building that looked very much like a palace. And sure enough that is exactly what it was, and sitting on the steps of the palace waiting for him was the very same Poppykok that had started him off on his journey.

"Welcome!" said the Poppykok, rising and coming forward as the Prince reached the ground with a bump, "you're right on time. I hope you had a pleasant trip?"

"No," said Zep, crossly, "I certainly did not. I had a horrid trip. How dare you treat me this way?"

"Pooh! Pooh!" responded the other, snapping his fingers, "everybody says that when they first arrive. You'll be crazy about the place in a little while. And now let's go inside and report to the Emperor."

Pushing open the front door of the palace the Poppykok led the way into the grand entrance hall, and as he did so a short, fat man with a crown on his bald head, and bristling whiskers all about his face, came tumbling down the stairway head over heels, and landed in a heap at their feet.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed, sitting up and rubbing his nose. After which he rubbed his shins and said "ouch" once more; and "oh my" and "good gracious." And after that he bawled up the stairs as loud as he could: "Don't try to tellmeto be careful and not fall downstairs, for I'll do as I want."

Then he swung himself about. "The idea," he said, glaring at the Prince and the Poppykok, "of any one trying to keepmefrom falling downstairs. Huh! Can't I fall down my own stairs? Can't I? Tell me!"

"Certainly you can, your majesty," responded the Poppykok. "You can fall up 'em, too, if you want."

"I should think so," retorted the Emperor, "and yet the Queen tells me to look out and not fall down 'em, because it worries her. Well, let her worry. I want her to worry."

But if the Queen was worried she did not act that way, for as she came tripping down she was laughing so heartily that she nearly fell herself, and finally had to sit on the bottom step to get her breath.

"What—what—" spluttered the Emperor, "what do you mean by not worrying? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Look at my nose, to say nothing of the bump on my shins. My, oh, my, isn't anybody worried about me?"

"I am, your majesty," put in Zep, "and I think the Queen ought to be, too."

"She ought not," snapped the monarch, scrambling to his feet. "If I wanted her to be glad shewouldbe worried, but as I want her to be worried, she isnot. You must be a stranger here."

"He is," said the Poppykok. "He just arrived. I only caught him a little while ago."

Then he told the Emperor who Zep was. "This boy," he said, "is a Prince, and has his own way more than anybody else in his father's kingdom. In fact, he is one of the most delightfully stubborn young persons I have ever met, andneverwill do what any one wants him to if he can possibly help it."

"My," said the Emperor, grasping Zep's hand and shaking it warmly, "if that isn't the finest record I ever heard of. I couldn't be more pig-headed myself. How did you get so? Did you learn it at school or just teach yourself?"

"Oh," said Zep, feeling rather proud, "I just picked it up, I guess."

"Well," said the monarch, "there is nothing like it to my mind. Perhaps you've read my famous poem on the subject? Have you?"

"No," said Zep, "I never heard of it."

"Humph!" said the Emperor, looking rather disappointed. "You're not very literary, are you? However, there is no reason why you should not hear it now. Listen."

When I was a lad, I said to myselfAs I hooked the jam from the pantry shelf,"I may grow up and I may grow oldBut I hope I'll never do as I'm told."For all the fun I've ever had,"Has always come from being bad."So I started out on my wild career,And I did so well that I'm Emperor here,Where you're told to do this, and you simply don't—And you're asked to do that, and you say you won't.Andmywhat a lot of fun I've had—For Inevermind, and I'm awful bad.

When I was a lad, I said to myself

As I hooked the jam from the pantry shelf,

"I may grow up and I may grow old

But I hope I'll never do as I'm told.

"For all the fun I've ever had,

"Has always come from being bad."

So I started out on my wild career,And I did so well that I'm Emperor here,Where you're told to do this, and you simply don't—And you're asked to do that, and you say you won't.Andmywhat a lot of fun I've had—For Inevermind, and I'm awful bad.

So I started out on my wild career,

And I did so well that I'm Emperor here,

Where you're told to do this, and you simply don't—

And you're asked to do that, and you say you won't.

Andmywhat a lot of fun I've had—

For Inevermind, and I'm awful bad.

"You can see," said the Emperor, when he had finished, "what a splendid place you have come to. And as the years pass, I hope you may find it even more delightful."

"As the years pass," repeated Zep. "Why—why, I can't stay here for years. What would my folks say?"

"If you ask me," put in the Poppykok, "I should say they'd say: 'thank goodness, he's gone at last.'"

"Yes," said the Emperor, "it's only in Obstinate Town that people like boys like you. Everywhere else they think you're a nuisance. Didn't you know that?"

"Why—why, no," said Zep. "I—I thought everybody liked me."

"Ho, ho, ho!" roared the Poppykok, shaking with merriment.

"Hee, hee, hee!" cackled the Emperor, "my word, that's good! You ought to send that to a comic paper. He thought everybody liked him."

"Well," said Zep, sulkily, "they always acted as though they did. I—I like people to like me. But as long as they don't I'llnevergo back."

"That's the stuff," said the Emperor. "Don't you do it. You stay here with me and enjoy yourself. Do as you please. Be as cranky as you like. Why, I wouldn't be surprised if you'd be a popular idol some day if you go on the way you've begun."

So Zep settled down in Obstinate Town determined to enjoy himself with all his might. And because he was a prince, the Emperor let him live in the palace and eat his meals at the royal table.

However, he did not care much for the meals. You never could get what you wanted. When you asked the royal butler for cold chicken, he would always tell you he would rather you took cold ham. And if you wanted stewed kidneys, the butler right away said he preferred to give you broiled oysters. No matter what you asked for, the stubborn old butler always insisted on giving you something else, whether you liked it or not. And such an arrangement made Zep awfully cross.

"I don't see why you have such a butler," he said to the Emperor. "When I ask our butler at home for anything, he gives it to me quick. He wouldn'tdaregive me anything else. If he did my father would hang him."

"Humph!" responded the Emperor, "it seems to me your father must be a very cruel person. The idea of hanging any one for wanting his own way."

"But," said Zep, "it's so—so inconvenient. If they have their own way how can you have yours?"

"Well," said the Emperor, "you can't, with a butler, unless you go to the pantry and help yourself. And yet, why shouldn't he have his way as well as you? Why shouldn't he?"

And the Prince did not know what to say to that. But nevertheless it was tough to have every one else having their own way as well as you. When you got in a trolley car and told the conductor to let you off at a certain street, he would stop the car at another street, and unless you were stronger than he, would put you off there no matter how much you struggled and yelled. And one day, when the Emperor and Zep were put off six blocks from their destination, the monarch was dreadfully angry.

"I know I told you I thought other people ought to have their own way the same as you and I," he said to Zep, "but when a conductor not only puts me off his car before I want to get off, but kicks me into the bargain, it's too much."

"That's what I think," said Zep, "and if I were you I'd issue a royal decree saying that only the upper classes can have their own wayalways, and that the lower classes can only have their own way, when it suits the upper classes."

"A good idea," said the Emperor, "I'll do it."

And despite the fact that it made the lower classes fairly purple with indignation, the decree was issued at once, and Zep, and the Emperor, and the rest of the upper classes, did as they liked whenever they wanted to, and had a fine time doing it.

"I tell you what," said the Emperor to the Prince one morning after breakfast as he finished reading the paper, "that was a grand idea of yours, Zep, about letting the lower classes have their own way only when it suited us. Life has been much sweeter ever since."

"I think so, too," said Zep, "except that ifnobodyelse could have their own way, it would be sweeter still."

"Hum," said the monarch, "I never thought of that. And the more I think of it, the more I think you're right. I know what I'll do. I'll issue another decree putting all the upper classes into the lower classes, except myself. Then I can do whatever I want, no matter what anybody says."

"But," said Zep, "you wouldn't put me in the lower classes, would you?"

"Why not," replied the Emperor. "Suppose I wanted my own way about something at the same time that you wanted your own way about it, the only way it could be managed without a fight, would be for you to be in the lower classes where you couldn't have your own way unless it suited me. See?"

"Yes," said Zep, sulkily, "I see, but I don't think it's fair. Why not put yourself in the lower classes and let me stay in the upper class?"

"Impossible," said the Emperor, "for if any one ever belonged to the upper classes an Emperor does."

"So does a prince," said Zep.

"Not necessarily," replied the monarch. "I had a dog named Prince once, but you never heard of a dog named Emperor, did you?"

And as Zep could think of nothing to say to that, the Emperor issued his decree, and Zep and all the rest of the upper classes were put in the lower classes, and the monarch enjoyed himself more than ever.

But if the Emperor enjoyed himself, Zep and the rest of the upper classes did not. For if they wanted to do something the Emperor always wanted them to do something different. And if he did not want that, he wanted them to do something nobody could do. And as Zep lived in the palace he had it worse than anybody else.

He was told to hold his breath for an hour; to stand on his ear for half an hour, and not wink for fifteen minutes. And when he did not do what he was told because he could not, the Emperor stuck pins in him and dared him to yell.

"See here," said Zep to the monarch, "I used to like you but I don't a bit any more. I'm going back home right off."

"Very well," said the Emperor, "go ahead. I'm tired of you anyway. The idea of a strong, healthy boy not being able to stand on his ear, and making such a fuss, too, because a few pins are stuck in him. Go on,goback home."

"But," said Zep, "how will I get there? I—I don't know the way."

"Of course you don't," replied the monarch, "nobody does. There isn't any way."

"Isn't any way?" repeated the Prince in a tone of horror. "Why—why, have I got to stay here withyoualways?"

The Emperor nodded. "Sure thing, unless a Kokkipop sends you back. The Poppykoks bring you here and the Kokkipops send you back. But as no one ever wants togoback it's mighty hard to find a Kokkipop, so I guess I'll be sticking pins in you for some time yet. Ho, ho, ho!"

Well, you can be sure when the Emperor said that and laughed about it, too, Zep felt about as gloomy as he ever had in his life.

"Oh, dear," he said, "what on earth shall I do? If only I can get away from this nasty old place I'll never want my own way again. I'll be a different boy. I never—"

"Here, here," put in the Emperor, sternly, "stop that talk. You mustn't say such things as that. No one ever talks about not wanting their own way in Obstinate Town. It's downright treason. Do you want to go to prison? But anyhow, I don't suppose you meant it."

"Indeed, I did," said Zep, "I meant every word I said. I'm tired of having my own way—it's silly. Look at the mess it's got me into. I'm going to be different—"

"Stop!" shrieked the Emperor, at the top of his lungs, "stop, I say! You'll have a Kokkipop here in another moment, and oh, how I hate 'em. I hate 'em worse than—than spiders. And—and, my goodness gracious sakes alive, you've brought one—you've brought one. Run, run, or the Kokkipop will get you!"

And with that the Emperor dived under his throne, while the Prince, looking about with a startled air, did not know whether to flee or not. And then, as he hesitated, a very brisk old gentleman, dressed in bright yellow, came into the room.

"Did you call?" he asked Zep.

"Call," said the boy, "why—why, no. What do you mean?"

"Did you call for a Kokkipop?" repeated the other testily. "And for mercy's sake don't say you didn't, for I've been waiting for a call all my life. I was a young man when I joined the Kokkipops, and in all that time I have never been called until now. So I hope you did call. Did you?"

"Well," said Zep, "I said I wanted to go home, if that's what you mean."

"And you said you didn't want your own way any more, didn't you?" inquired the Kokkipop, eagerly.

"Yes," replied the Prince, "I did. And I don't."

"He does, too," put in the Emperor, sticking his head out from under his throne. "He doesn't mean what he says. He's just mad at me for sticking pins in him."

"I don't believe it," said the Kokkipop, scowling at the Emperor, "you're just trying to keep me out of a job." Then he turned to the Prince. "You did mean what you said, didn't you?"

"I certainly did," said Zep, "and—"

"Whoopee!" yelled the Kokkipop, joyfully, "then Ihavegot a job at last."

Whereupon he took off his coat, rolled up his sleeves, and began to paste magic postage stamps all over the Prince. "There," he said, standing off to admire his work, "I guess that will take you back all right."

"Take him back," sneered the Emperor, crawling from under his throne, "why it'll take him twice over. You've put excess postage on him. Shows what a Kokkipop knows about his business."

"Is that so," retorted the Kokkipop, "well, I know enough to send this boy where you won't stick pins in him any more, and where he won't want his own way any more." He turned to Zep. "Isn't that so?"

"Yes, indeed," said the Prince.

"Then," responded the Kokkipop, "here's to a quick and comfortable trip. Good-by, I'll see you later."

"No—wait!" shouted the Emperor, running toward Zep, "don't go. I'll put you in the upper classes again. I'll—"

But it was no use. Once again Zep felt himself leap into the air, and whiz, and whiz, and whiz, even faster than he had before. And then just as he was beginning to get used to the whizzing and rather enjoy it, he commenced to descend in a graceful curve, and presently landed with a bump in the gardens adjoining his father's palace. And there, sitting on the grass, was the Kokkipop waiting for him.

"Greeting," said the Kokkipop, "did you have a nice trip?"

"Fine," said Zep, "but of course I'm glad it's over and that I'm safe home again. And of course I'm awfully obliged to you for getting me out of such a scrape."

"Oh, that's all right," said the Kokkipop, as he peeled off the magic postage stamps, "it's been a pleasure to help you. And who knows but you may try to have your own way again and be taken back to Obstinate Town. And if you do, don't forget I'm always glad to get a job."

"All right," said Zep, "I won't, but I never expect to visit Obstinate Town again if I can help it."

And sure enough Zep never did. From that moment he was a changed boy, so much so that it really worried his father, the king.

"I don't understand it," said the King to his Prime Minister. "He does just what I tell him and never whines; and when he takes a walk he jumps about a foot if a leaf falls on him. I don't understand it."

But if the King did not, Zep did, and was determined no Poppykok should get another chance at him.

Once there lived in the city of Vex a tailor named Toobad, which was a very good name for him, for he really was too bad for anything, in fact, he was downright wicked. And not only was he wicked but he was also deceitful, because he was really not a tailor at all but an enchanter or conjuror, and only practiced a tailor's trade to fool the fathers, and grandfathers, and uncles, and big brothers of the little boys of Vex, and make them pay him money. And this is the way he did it:

He put a sign in his window and offered to make clothes for gentlemen very, very cheap out of the very, very best materials that would never wear out, and of course when he offered to dothatall the fathers, and grandfathers, and uncles, and big brothers went and ordered their suits from him as quick as they could. But after the clothes were made and the fathers, and grandfathers, and uncles, and big brothers had put them on,thenthey found out, when it was too late, what sort of a person Toobad was, for they had to keep on paying, and paying, and paying for the clothes forever and forever. If they did not the suits they were wearing got tighter and tighter until their breath was almost squeezed out of them.

It was no use to try to get the clothes off because they simply wouldnotcome off. So you can imagine how cross and miserable all the fathers, and grandfathers, and uncles, and big brothers in Vex were.

Now there were lots of little boys in Vex, but the most interesting one was a bright little fellow named Winn, because inhisfamily there happened to be a father,anda grandfather,andan uncle,anda big brother all wearing suits made by Toobad the Tailor, whereas the other boys only had a father,ora grandfather,oran uncle,ora big brother. None of them had all four together, and therefore did not have as much cause to dislike Toobad as Winn had.

Of course when Winn's father, and grandfather, and his uncle and his big brother, had paid for their suitsonceand Toobad had told them they must keep right on paying every week, they said they wouldnot. But after the suits had squeezed them once or twice, and after they had tried to get the clothes off and found they could not, they changed their minds. And every Saturday night as soon as they got their salaries they rushed right down to Toobad's shop and paid him, so they would have a comfortable Sunday, which did not please Winn's mother at all because it left very little to buy food with.

"Good gracious," she used to say to Winn's father, and grandfather, and uncle, and big brother, "if you keep on giving that tailor half your money, I don't know how I'll get along."

"Indeed," said Winn's father, who was very fat, "and if I don't pay it I don't know howI'llget along. I've got to breathe, haven't I?"

"Yes," said Winn's grandfather, and his uncle, and his big brother, who were all as fat as his father, "we would much rather breathe than eat."

"All right, then," said Winn's mother, "go ahead and breathe but don't blame me if you starve also, for food is so high, I can buy very little with the money you give me."

And when she said that Winn's father, and his grandfather, and his uncle, and his big brother would groan awfully, which made Winn and his mother as blue as indigo, for they knew if Toobad was not paid, the clothes Winn's father, and grandfather, and uncle and big brother wore would squeeze them tighter and tighter so they could not work at all, and yet if he was paid there would not be enough money left to keep the wolf from the door.

So finally Winn determined to go and see Toobad and try and coax him not to be so hard on his folks. "Maybe if I offer to be his errand boy," he said, "he'll agree to let us stop paying for a while until we catch up with our grocery bills."

But when he got to the tailor's shop he had a very hard time to coax Toobad into having an errand boy. "No, no," said the enchanter, testily, "I don't need an errand boy, and even if I did need one I need the money your family pays me much more."

"But think how stylish it is for a tailor to have an errand boy," said Winn. "All fashionable tailors send clothes home to their customers. They never ask customers to come after their clothes. I should think you'd beashamednot to have an errand boy."

So, finally, after talking and talking, Toobad agreed to hire Winn as his errand boy, and instead of giving him wages to let his family stop paying for their clothes for a few weeks.

"But remember this," said the tailor, "you are not to tell any one about the arrangement, because if you do all my customers will want to stop paying until they get caught up on their grocery bills."

So Winn promised to keep the matter secret and the next morning started in on his duties.

Now it happened that one of the first persons he delivered clothes to was a second cousin of his mother's aunt. This second cousin had not heard of the trouble in Winn's family because Winn's father, and grandfather, and uncle, and big brother had been afraid to tell any one what Toobad had done to them for fear their clothes would squeeze them worse than ever. So when Winn delivered his mother's aunt's second cousin's clothes he did not know whether to warn him about putting them on or not. And while he was trying to make up his mind about it, his mother's aunt's second cousin went into another room to get the money to pay for the clothes, and when he came out he had the clothes on.

"Gee whiz," he said proudly, "don't they fit me grand?"

"Maybe they do," said Winn, "but I was just going to tell you not to put them on, because now you can't get them off, and you've got to keep on paying for them forever and forever."

"What!" yelled his mother's aunt's second cousin.

And then with another yell he began tearing at the clothes with all his might, trying to get them off, but of course it was no use for although he almost turned himself inside out, they stuck to him like sticking plaster.

He began tearing at his clothes with all his might

"You're a nice one!" he shouted, shaking his finger under Winn's nose. "You ought to be arrested. How dared you sit there and let me put these awful things on? I just hope your father, and your grandfather, and your uncle, and your big brother get stuck the same way. I certainly do!"

"Theyarestuck," said Winn. "They've been stuck for some time. That is why I am working for Toobad. And I'm very sorry I did not warn you about the clothes in time."

And then he told his mother's aunt's second cousin what a fix his folks were in and how if you did not pay for the clothes every week they squeezed you until you did.

"Sakes alive!" groaned his mother's aunt's second cousin, "isn't it dreadful the trouble some people have? Here I am all dressed up fine but I can't enjoy it a bit after what you've told me."

Then he escorted Winn to the door and said he never wanted to see his face again. "I'm sorry to have to say it," he continued, "but until you came a little while ago my life was full of sunshine and now it is nothing but a mud puddle. But I forgive you. Good-by!"

Well, you may be sure Winn felt terribly gloomy as he went back to Toobad's shop. When he hired out as the tailor's errand boy in order to help his family, he had not thought how he would be bringing distress into other families by delivering Toobad's enchanted clothes. But he could see now, after the scene with his mother's aunt's second cousin, how selfish and wicked it was for him to help Toobad get other people into trouble in order to make things easier for his own folks. So he determined that he would give up his job right away.

"I've decided not to be your errand boy any longer," he said to the enchanter, as he handed him the money he had received from his mother's aunt's second cousin. "I find you are too wicked to work for."

"Humph!" said the tailor, "and why am I any wickeder now than I was this morning? You were glad to work for me then."

"I know," said Winn, "but I have just seen my mother's aunt's second cousin turn from a carefree, happy person into a miserable wretch, and all because I delivered him one of your enchanted suits of clothes. And I cannot help you in your crimes any longer even if my family do suffer. Good afternoon!"

"Good afternoon nothing!" shouted Toobad. "Come back here at once. Yesterday when I did not want an errand boy you talked me into having one, and now that I've gotten used to having one you want me to do without one. Well, I shan't do it. You'll work for me whether you want to or not."

And with that he stretched out his hand toward Winn and then drew it back and when he drew it back something mysterious drew Winn back also, and though he tried to get to the door he could not move.

"Now," said Toobad, "will you work for me or not?"

"No," said Winn, firmly, "I will never work for you if I can help it."

"Very well, then," said the enchanter, "you shall work for me because you cannot help it."

And with that he repeated the alphabet backward like lightning, wiggling his fingers at the same time, and in a flash Winn was transformed into a tailor's dummy, after which Toobad placed him on the sidewalk outside his shop with one of the enchanted suits on him and with a sign on his breast which read:

TAKE ME HOME FOR $3.75

so people could see what fine, cheap clothes were sold inside.

And maybe Winn did not feel bad as he stood there day after day not even able to roll his eyes or move or speak. And on Saturday night he felt particularly bad because his father, and his grandfather, and his uncle, and his big brother came by the shop arm in arm, all whistling merrily because they did not have to pay Toobad any money that week and were going to a movie instead.

"My, my!" they exclaimed, when they saw Winn by the door, "doesn't that image look exactly like our Winn, but of course it cannot be because it's made of wax." And then the next moment they went on their way as happy as larks.

"Oh, dear!" said Winn to himself, miserably, "whatever am I going to do? How am I ever going to escape from this terrible tailor? If only I could think ofsomeway."

And later when Toobad had brought him indoors and shut the shop, and gone off to bed and left him standing in a dark corner, he thought and thought with all his might, for he felt if he did not findsomeway to break the enchantment he might as well die.

And then as he was still puzzling over the problem he heard a stealthy step, and into the room came Toobad in his nightgown, holding a lighted candle in his hand, and Winn saw that he was walking in his sleep. And not only was he walking in his sleep but he was talking in his sleep also, and this is what he was saying:

Of all the gents who wear my clothesNot one has ever guessed, sir,That he could break the magic spellBy pulling down his vest, sir.Oh, yes, indeed, there is no needWhy he should be distressed, sir,If he but knows enchanted clothesAre governed by the vest, sir.

Of all the gents who wear my clothes

Not one has ever guessed, sir,

That he could break the magic spell

By pulling down his vest, sir.

Oh, yes, indeed, there is no need

Why he should be distressed, sir,

If he but knows enchanted clothes

Are governed by the vest, sir.

And when Winn heard what he was saying he knew right away that if he could only escape he could easily get his father, and grandfather, and uncle, and big brother out of the power of Toobad the tailor, for he only had to tell them to pull down their vests and they would be rid forever of the hateful clothing they were wearing. But alas, it was one thing to want to get home, and another to get there, for while he was transformed into a tailor's dummy he was utterly helpless and could only stand and watch Toobad as he wandered about the shop with his eyes shut and the lighted candle in his hand.

And then all of a sudden something happened that transformed him from a tailor's dummy into a very real boy, for Toobad, not seeing where he was going, bumped right into him and the flame of the candle came right against Winn's nose—only for a moment—but it was long enough to scorch it and to make Winn yell—ouch! at the top of his lungs, and to joggle all the enchantment out of him. And if you did not believe an enchanted person can be cured by scorching his nose, just get yourself enchanted and scorch your nose and see if it does not work.

Anyway, it cured Winn, and not only that but it woke Toobad up. And when the tailor found himself in his shop with his nightgown on, and found Winn changed from a dummy into a regular boy again, he was furious.

"Zounds!" he shrieked, dancing up and down, "how the—what the—where did I come from and how did you get all right again?"

And when Winn told him he was more furious than ever. "Well," he said, "I'll soon fix you anyway." And thereupon he began to say the alphabet backward the same as he had done before, but by the time he had said three letters and before the enchantment had had time to work, Winn rushed at him and knocked the candle to the floor. And then while the shop was in darkness he unhooked the door and ran home as fast as he could. When he got there it was past midnight and of course every one was asleep, but by and by his mother heard him knocking and let him in.

And you may be sure it did not take his father, or his grandfather, or his uncle, or his big brother long to hop out of bed where they had been sleeping with their clothes on because they could not get them off. And maybe they were not surprised when they learned that Winn had really been the tailor's dummy they had seen outside the shop. And maybe they were not delighted when they found that Winn knew of a way for them to get rid of the enchanted clothes. And maybe they did not pull down their vests in a hurry as soon as Winn had finished telling them about it.

"My gracious," said Winn's grandfather, as he peeled the last of the hated garments from him, "I feel twenty years younger. And I can hardly wait until morning to get my hands on that villainous tailor."

"Nor I," said Winn's father.

"Me, too," said Winn's uncle.

"I daren't tell you whatI'lldo to him," said Winn's big brother.

And the first thing after breakfast they all went around to Toobad's shop dressed in their old clothes, and each one of them kept his word so well that Toobad was laid up in the hospital for a week. And every time he got well and came out again a fresh batch of victims was waiting to send him back again, for Winn had gone all about the city telling everybody who had bought the enchanted clothes, how to pull down their vests and get rid of them. And, of course, one of the first persons he told after his immediate family was his mother's aunt's second cousin. But as his mother's aunt's second cousin had forgotten to put on his vest when he donned his enchanted suit, he could not pull his vest down. And so the only thing to do was to give him chloroform and skin the clothes off him a little strip at a time. After which they senthimto the hospital also, where he lay in bed right alongside of Toobad the tailor.

And perhaps that is the reason Toobad is still in the hospital, for after Winn's mother's aunt's second cousin got well, he refused to go home, but sat down on the hospital steps to wait for Toobad. And neither Winn's father, nor his grandfather, nor his uncle, nor his big brother, were able to coax him away.

But as for Winn, he did not try to coax him, indeed he soon forgot all about his mother's aunt's second cousin, for all the persons in Vex who had been wearing Toobad's enchanted clothes, began sending Winn presents to show their gratitude, and when you have sixteen gold watches, and a couple of ponies, and skates, and air guns, and pretty much every sort of a thing that a boy likes, you cannot think of much else.

The best you can do is just to enjoy yourself, and if you think Winn is not doing that, take a trip to Vex some day and you will soon find out.

Once there was a Snooping Bug that lived in a glass jar on a shelf in the cottage of a Fairy Godmother. Now fairy godmothers are always nice, but this Fairy Godmother wasverynice, and the reason she kept the Snooping Bug a prisoner in a jar on her shelf was because she was afraid he would go about and get folks into trouble. And another thing that showed she was unusually nice was that every week-end she always invited a little prince or princess to be her guest. And this story opens just as Prince Pranc, the only son of the king of a nearby city, had arrived to spend several days with his Fairy Godmother.

"Now, Pranc," said the Fairy Godmother, "I want you to have the happiest kind of a time, and you'll have it without doubt if you don't get into mischief."

"Oh, that's all right," replied the Prince, as he watched the Fairy Godmother unpack his trunk, "if I get into mischief you just send me home again."

"Yes," said the Fairy Godmother, "but suppose you are not here to send home again; suppose you have disappeared. Don't forget this is an enchanted house and that strange things can happen in an enchanted house."

"Phew!" said Pranc, "I almost wish I hadn't come."

"Not at all," replied the Fairy Godmother, "there is nothing to be alarmed about. You could sit on a keg of gunpowder and be perfectly safe if you didn't explode the powder. But in case you should get into trouble, put this ring on your finger and turn it around and around when danger threatens."

"Oh, thank you," said the Prince, slipping on the ring. "I don't feel so worried now."

Then the Fairy Godmother took him all over the cottage and showed him the wonderful belongings she had, and last of all she took him into her study and there Pranc saw the Snooping Bug in his jar on the shelf.

"What's that?" he asked.

And the Fairy Godmother told him it was a Snooping Bug. "And this one," she continued, pointing to another jar on the shelf, "has a Sulking Bug in it; and this one—next to it, is a Crying Bug. If they got out of the jars they'd bite you, and you'd start in to snoop, or sulk, or cry."

"Whoever heard of such a thing," said the Prince. "It can't be."

"It can't, eh," said the Fairy Godmother. "Just put your finger on the top of this bottle when I take the cork out."

And with that she took the magic stopper out of the Crying Bug bottle and Pranc stuck his finger in. And then—ping—the next moment something bit it, and thenextmoment he burst out crying, boo-hoo—boo-hoo, as loud as he could. And as he was a boy who hardlyevercried, he felt awfully ashamed of himself.

"Oh, dear," he sobbed, "I hate to cry this way, but—but—"

"Don't worry," said the Fairy Godmother, as she corked the bottle again, "he only gave you a little bite. You'll be over it in a minute."

And presently the tears stopped rolling down Pranc's cheeks and he was all right once more.

"My goodness," he said, as he wiped his eyes, "I wouldn't like that to happen again."

"Then," said the Fairy Godmother, "see that you keep hands off these bottles. As long as the bugs stay in the bottles everything will be all right, but if they once get out they'll bite every girl and boy they find. That is why I keep them prisoners. I don't care for snooping, sulking or crying children, nor does any one else."

Then she told Pranc that she would have to leave him for awhile. "I have been invited to the christening of a princess," she said.

So she put on her gossamer cloak and her diamond studded bonnet, kissed her hand to Pranc and went off to the christening. But so interested was Pranc in the bugs on the shelf he hardly noticed her going, for the Sulking Bug looked so mad it almost startled him, and the Crying Bug had cried so much his bottle was half full of tears and he looked almost as mad as the Sulking Bug. But when it came to the Snooping Bug, it was a very different affair altogether, for the Snooping Bug, although he had a sly sort of expression in his big, pop eyes, was real jolly looking as he slowly scratched his shoulder blade with his hind leg. And when he saw the Prince looking at him, he winked one eye and then turned a couple of somersaults, which made the Prince laugh like anything.

"Gee whiz," he exclaimed, "I like this bug."

And in order to get a better look at the creature he reached the jar down from the shelf and carried it over to the window, or at least he started to, but before he got there he stumbled—bing—the jar slipped from his hands, fell to the floor with a crash and broke into a thousand pieces, leaving the Snooping Bug kicking in the midst of the fragments.

The jar broke into a thousand pieces

"Oh," cried the Prince, "I must get something to put him in or he'll get away."

"Nonsense," remarked the Snooping Bug. "I'm not going away. You couldn't drive me away. I'm going to stay with you. But do get me out of this mess, please."

So Pranc, not suspecting anything, stooped to pick the Snooping Bug up and then as he did so—zip, the Bug bit his finger and in about eight seconds he changed from a first class little boy who always minded his own business and did not pry into things, into a sly, snooping fellow peering into corners, and closets, and everything. And as he changed, the Snooping Bug changed also. It swelled, and swelled, and swelled until it was half as big as Pranc. After which it chuckled, wiggling the two long, wavy horns that grew over its eyebrows, and took the Prince by the hand.

"Come on," it said, "let's start. My, but it feels good to get out of that jar."

"Start," said Pranc, "start where?"

"Why, to headquarters," replied the Snooping Bug, "where you can snoop all you want."

So off they went to the Fairy Godmother's preserve closet. "Open the door," said the Snooping Bug. And when the Prince had done so the Snooping Bug pushed Pranc inside and then followed, shutting the door after him.

"My, but it's dark," exclaimed the Prince. "What are we going to do now?"

"Just you wait," said the Snooping Bug. Then he called out: "Going down!" And all of a sudden a brilliantly lighted elevator came down right in front of them, the door slid open, Pranc and the Snooping Bug stepped inside, and then, ker-zip, ker-zip, ker-zip, the elevator began to drop, and drop, and drop, with the most awful dips.

Goodness, how they did drop. The Prince thought they must have dropped about nine hundred miles when at last the elevator stopped after giving a terrible bounce or two, and the Snooping Bug shouted: "Here we are!"

Pranc wondered where "here we are" was as he looked up and down the street in which he presently found himself standing, and was about to ask the Snooping Bug, when all of a sudden somebody bumped into him and he turned to see a tall, slim fellow in a pink uniform with his hands full of letters which he had been reading as he walked along. Over one shoulder hung a leather bag which was crammed with other letters still in their envelopes, and on his head was a cap with a tassel and on the front of the cap it said "postman."

"What do you mean," cried the stranger, sternly, "by interfering with the mails? Can't you see I'm on government duty?"

"Oh, excuse me," said Pranc, "I didn't mean to bump you, and I wouldn't have done it if you hadn't been reading those letters as you walked along."

"Indeed," said the postman, "well if I didn't read some of the letters as I walked about delivering them I don't know what Iwoulddo. I can't readallof 'em at night, you know."

"But," said the Prince, "they are not your letters, are they?"

"Of course not," said the postman, testily, "who would write me all this lot of letters? They belong to the different citizens of Snoopania."

"Oh," said the Prince, "you don't read other people's letters, I hope."

"Well," retorted the postman, opening his eyes very wide, "I should hope I did. If I didn't I'd lose my job. Every letter must be torn open and read, and every postal card must not only be read but committed to memory. I could shut my eyes right now and tell you what I've read on a million postal cards only I haven't the time. This is the way of it, you see:

A postman's life is a busy one,His working hours are never done,For all of the letters the public writesHe has to read at home at nights;And all of the postals, yes, sir-ee,He has to commit to memoree.And so if you think I'm cross a bitYou'll know my job is the cause of it.

A postman's life is a busy one,

His working hours are never done,

For all of the letters the public writes

He has to read at home at nights;

And all of the postals, yes, sir-ee,

He has to commit to memoree.

And so if you think I'm cross a bit

You'll know my job is the cause of it.

As he finished he suddenly noticed the Snooping Bug. "For mercy's sake," he exclaimed, "when did you get back? I thought the Fairy Godmother had you bottled up."

"She did," said the Snooping Bug, "but thanks to this noble boy I'm out again. Where can I find the First Lord of the Keyhole? I want to make arrangements for parliament to reward my rescuer."

"Well," said the postman, "I think he's at his office right now, if you hurry."

So, after bidding the postman good-by, the Snooping Bug hurried Pranc off to the office of the First Lord of the Keyhole.

Soon they reached Parliament House where the First Lord of the Keyhole had his office, but when they tried to open the office door it seemed to stick. So Pranc gave it a push, and then a harder one, and all at once it opened wide and the Prince and the Snooping Bug staggering into the room saw in the middle of the floor a white-haired old gentleman lying on his back.

"Shut the door," commanded the old gentleman, scrambling to his feet. "Now," he said, glaring at Pranc as he smoothed his clothing, "I suppose you know what you've done."

"No," said the Prince, "what have I done?" He looked at the old gentleman and then at the Snooping Bug. The old gentleman was very red in the face and the Snooping Bug seemed to be dreadfully worried. He took Pranc into a corner and whispered in his ear.

"Don't be frightened," he said, rather hoarsely, "but you upset a peer of the realm when you opened the door. He was peering through the keyhole at you before he said 'Come in,' and you should have peered through the keyhole at him before you did come in. I don't know whether I can get you off or not. I ought to have warned you."

"You certainly ought," said the Prince. "How was I to know he was at the keyhole? It seems a very queer thing for an old gentleman like that to do."

"Not at all," put in the old gentleman. "Ain't I the First Lord of the Keyhole and head of the House of Peers? And don't all the Peers of Snoopania peer through keyholes? Eh?"

"I don't know," said Pranc.

"Well, they do," continued the old gentleman, "the same as the members of the House of Commonslistenat keyholes. Where have you been all your life, anyway?"

And then the Prince told him where his home was and how the Snooping Bug had brought him to Snoopania. "But," he added, "I think I'd like to go back, if you don't mind."

"Oh, come now," put in the Snooping Bug, "you've only just arrived." He turned to the First Lord of the Keyhole. "I think he's worried for fear you're going to have him punished for knocking you over. Are you?"

"Certainly," snapped the First Lord of the Keyhole. "The dignity of the peerage must be maintained."

"Well, I don't think it's fair," said the Snooping Bug, hotly.

"Of course it isn't fair," retorted the old gentleman. "We never do anything fair in Snoopania. You know that. If we did we wouldn't snoop, would we?"

Then he clapped his hands and six very jolly looking gentlemen entered in a single file. "This is the Committee on Extermination," said the First Lord of the Keyhole, turning to the Prince. "The Chairman will arrange the details of your execution."

"With pleasure," said the Chairman of the Exterminating Committee, who was the jolliest looking man of them all. Then he patted Pranc on the head and asked in a kindly tonewhenhe would like to have his head cut off.

"What!" exclaimed the Prince, with a startled expression.

"When," repeated the Chairman, "would you like your head cut off?"

"Never," shouted Pranc, as loud as he could.

"Never," repeated the Chairman of the Exterminating Committee, looking rather pained. "Oh, but I say that won't do at all. Youmustfix a time. We can't cut your head off unless you do. It wouldn't be legal."

"Indeed," said Pranc, with a sigh of relief. "Well, I'm very glad to hear it."

And though every member of the Committee on Extermination argued with him, and the First Lord of the Keyhole shook his fist at him and sputtered like a fire-cracker, he simply wouldnotsay when he would like his head cut off.

"Well," said the First Lord of the Keyhole to the Chairman of the Exterminating Committee, "we'll have to appeal to the King about the matter. This boy doesn't know what he wants."

"Oh, yes, he does," said the Snooping Bug.

"He doesnot," thundered the First Lord of the Keyhole.

"He does, too," retorted the Snooping Bug, "and if you see the King, we'll see him, too."

So everybody started off for the palace and never stopped until they stood outside the monarch's sitting-room. "Wait a moment," said the Chairman of the Exterminating Committee, "until I see whether he is busy." Whereupon he put his eye to the keyhole. "Yes," he said, straightening up again, "he is quite busy snooping under his bathroom door."

"But," said Pranc, "what's the use of that?"

"What's the use of anything?" snapped the First Lord of the Keyhole. "Practice makes perfect, and the more you snoop the better you can do it. The King of Snoopania does not believe in wasting his time, sir."

And sure enough the monarch did not, for when they opened the door and went in, he had his head in the fireplace.

"Oh, how do you do," he said, pulling it out again.

"Are you very much engaged?" inquired the Chairman of the Exterminating Committee.

"Well," said the King, "I only just got through with the bathroom and I did want to finish the chimney this morning, sure, but it doesn't matter. What is it?"

"This boy," said the Chairman of the Exterminating Committee, "is to have his head cut off but he won't say when. He doesn't know what he wants, so we'd like to know if you know."

"Of course he doesn't know," put in Pranc, impatiently. "I'm the only one who knows. And besides what is the use of asking a king who spends his time peeking up chimneys? I never heard of a king doing such a thing."

Well, if the Prince had walked up to the monarch and boxed his ears he could not have astonished him or the rest of the party more. For a moment no one said anything, they just looked at each other in horror, and then the King turned red, white and blue in the face with rage.

"You—you—you—" he bawled, glaring at Pranc, "you're an imitation snooper. You don't know the first principles of snooping. What are you doing in Snoopania anyway?" Then he yelled for his soldiers to come and cut the Prince's head off at once—at once. He repeated it twice so they would not misunderstand.

But the Prince did not wait to see whether they understood or not, no sir-ee. He was thoroughly disgusted with snooping, snoopers and Snoopania, and determined to get back to his Fairy Godmother's cottage at once if it could possibly be done. So when the King's soldiers entered the room to seize him he waited until they came very near, and then he twisted the ring the Fairy Godmother had given him, and bing—flat on their backs the soldiers fell, bumping their heads like anything.

"Good-by," cried Pranc, waving his hand to the Snooping Bug, "I'm going home."

"Wait," shouted the Snooping Bug, "I'll go with you."

"No," replied the Prince, "I've had quite enough of snoopers and snooping bugs. You stay where you are."

Then he jumped over the prostrate soldiers and out the door of the palace. Up the street he ran until he met the postman. "Where's the elevator?" he panted.

"Straight ahead," replied the postman, "but if you'll wait a moment I'll tell you what was on some of those postal cards I spoke about."

"I can't," said Pranc, "the King's soldiers are after me. I'd like to, but—"

"Yah!" With a shout a whole regiment of the King's soldiers rushed around the corner and made a grab at him, but quick as a wink Pranc twisted the Fairy Godmother's ring once more, and bing—over went the soldiers on their backs and hit their heads bang, and by the time they were able to sit up and rub the bumps, the Prince had reached the elevator. "Up," he shouted, and up the elevator went with a leap, and a moment later stopped inside the preserve closet.

"My!" said Pranc, as he opened the closet door and stood once more in the Fairy Godmother's cottage, "my, but I'm glad to be back."

Then he went out on the front porch where the Fairy Godmother was sitting in a rocking chair knitting, and told her all that had happened to him.

"I'm not surprised," said the Fairy Godmother. "When I got back from the christening and found that the Snooping Bug had disappeared and you also, I knew you had done something you should not have, and that you were probably having a time of it."

"Yes," said the Prince, "and if it had not been for your ring I would have had a worse time. I'm awfully sorry I lost your Snooping Bug."

"Oh, that's all right," said the Fairy Godmother. "Any time you'd like to borrow my Crying Bug or my Sulking Bug, just help yourself."

"No-thank-you," replied Prince. "NO-thank-you!No more bugs for me."

There are lots and lots of boys named Jack and some of them have been quite celebrated, like the Jack who planted the famous beanstalk. But the Jack this story is about was just a bright, jolly little fellow who lived in a country home with his father and mother, and who had never had any adventures more exciting than catching minnows in the creek or getting stung by a hornet in the garden.

And so you may be sure he was very much surprised to find himself in a terrific fix one summer morning as he was digging for worms back of the barn where a wild grapevine grew. And this is how it happened.

Every time he wanted to go fishing he always dug for worms in the same place, and as a consequence he had made quite a deep hole, but of course he never thought anything aboutthat. Or at least he did not until his spade struck something hard and a rumbling voice said: "Ouch!" And then the ground under his feet began to heave and heave, and before he could gather his wits and run away, out of the hole came a giant, head first and scowling like anything. And even then Jack did not run—he was too frightened. He just stayed where he was and trembled.

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