THE ARTOFMANAGING COACHMEN.

The Christian precept of

“Do as you would be done by,”

is in few instances more difficult to observe, than it is towards a Coachman, who is, in fact, paid to endure those Inconveniences from which the Carriage protects his Employer. However, the Good Master will “do as he would be done by,” and make his Servant as Comfortable as the peculiar nature of his place permits.

Merciful Masters, who use their Carriage in Wet Weather16, provide their CoachmanTwo Box Coats:—a Second-hand Coat may be bought for about £2. 10s.—a slight increase to their Expense, agreat addition to his Comfort: for whena Box Coat gets thoroughly Wet, it will take forty-eight hours before it becomes thoroughly Dry; for it must not be dried otherwise than gradually and in the Air.Mr. Jarvissays, that “the best way of drying a Box Coat on these occasions, is to put it round a Truss of Straw.”

The Hardy habits of Coachmen enable them to brave the inclemencies of the Sky, and to set the Cold and Rain at defiance, when encompassed in their seven-fold Cape, and a comfortableDry Coat;—but, my fair-weather friend, can you imagine a more awfully dangerous envelope thana Wet Blanket?

Whatever Olympic Wits or Whips might think, there are few modern Jockies who will agree with Pindarus, that Water is the best thing, at least for the lining of theInneror theOuter Coatof the Stomach.

Damp Clothesare the cause of Coachmen being so often and so severely afflicted with Rheumatism; therefore we insert the following, which has frequently proved an efficacious remedy in old and inveterateattacks of this complaint.

Anti-Rheumatic Embrocation.Sal Volatile, an ounce and a half;Laudanum, half an ounce;Mix—rub the part afflicted Night and Morning, and in the Middle of the Day.

Anti-Rheumatic Embrocation.

Mix—rub the part afflicted Night and Morning, and in the Middle of the Day.

The Reader may have observed, that the Coach Box of the Carriages of many Medical Men is furnished with aKnee Boot,i. e.an Apron like that of a Gig:—this is a comfortable, and, indeed, a needful defence to the Legs and Feet. The Author advises the general adoption thereof to those who use their Carriage much in Cold Wet Weather, and especially recommends it to those Genteel17people, whocourageously keep their Servants and Horses in waiting half the Night, in bitter cold weather, while they are indulging themselves in the opposite extreme of temperature in Crowded Assemblies.

NoEntertainments(as thoseMidnight Inflictionsare by courtesy termed), afford so little satisfaction as

EVENING PARTIES.

All who know you, thatare notinvited, will take umbrage, and half of those whoare, receive the intended Compliment only as their due, and not seldom return it by ridiculing their Host, who, if he is prudent, they will censure for his Parsimony; if he be generous, will rate as a Prodigal.

These (foolish, if they are poor, but if Rich, wicked,) “Fly-by-Nights,”

“Who Sleep till Noon, and hardly live till Night,”

who are unhappy except when in a Crowd, and fancy that they are entitled to pass for folks of exquisite Fashion, in proportion to thedegree of fondness that they pretend to exhibit for being Stewed in foul Air18.

AsSir Exquisite Irritablesays, “Nothing can be less Nice than the Re-respiration ofRespired Air, every whif of which has just popped out of the Mouth of another! To Drink out of the same Cup, is comparatively an act of delectable Refinement!!!”

What is to be saidFORthe Absurdity of not going out to anEveningParty, until You ought to be going into Your Bed? Every Body has enough to sayAGAINSTit! But, nevertheless, the very persons who exclaim loudest against this foolish Fashion, are frequently found among the foremost of those who follow it.—How comes this? why, this is quite inconceivable!—No, indeed,—No!—pray pardon me—with the utmost submission, it is among the strange things whichare very easily accounted for—it is Fashionable! it is extremely Genteel!!

However, theseMidnight Meetings, under the inviting appellation ofGenteelEvening Parties, are, in fact, aBarbarous Invention of the Idle and Imbecile, to undermine the Constitution, and annihilate the Independence of the Industrious and the Healthful.

“Though bold these Truths, my Book with Truths like theseWill none offend, whom ’tis a praise to please.”Dr. Young.

“Though bold these Truths, my Book with Truths like theseWill none offend, whom ’tis a praise to please.”

“Though bold these Truths, my Book with Truths like these

Will none offend, whom ’tis a praise to please.”

Dr. Young.

The noisy announcement of the arrival of the Visitors at these Nocturnal Assemblies, by the absurd custom of a Thundering Rapping at the Door, which is already open, is one of the most ridiculous customs of modern times, and should be entirely abolished.—If a parcel of silly people are permitted to meet together at Midnight, they ought not to be permitted to murder the Sleep of their surrounding neighbours, from Ten at Night till Three in the Morning! It is as disorderly an offence against the public peace as can be mentioned; andif it happened at the house of a poor person, it would be immediately indicted as Disorderly.

Good Nature may find some Excuse for the Poor and Dependent, who (perhaps very unwillingly) are obliged to follow a Foolish Fashion; but what apology can Good Sense invent for the Opulent and the Independent, who are the Makers of Manners, and who set a Foolish Example19.

Tom Thrifty’smaxim for Evening Parties, was

“Comebefore Seven,Gobefore Eleven.”

“Comebefore Seven,

Gobefore Eleven.”

Have you in your Visiting Book the name of one Good Mother, whomyou have not heard heartily lament the Late Hours of the Fashionable World as the principal cause of the predominance of the Lily in the complexion of her Children?

“Late sitting up has turn’d their Roses white:Why went they not to Bed?—because ’twas Night.”

“Late sitting up has turn’d their Roses white:

Why went they not to Bed?—because ’twas Night.”

Is it not astonishing, then, that Somebody will not be Wise enough, and Kind enough, to invite us to return to Reasonable Hours?—But, as the saying is,

“What is Every Body’s Business, is Nobody’s Business,”

and

“Plain Dealing is Dead, and Died without Issue.”

“Doubly distrest, what author shall we find,Discreetly daring, and severely kind,The courtly Roman’s shining path to tread,And sharply smile prevailing Folly dead.”Dr. Young.

“Doubly distrest, what author shall we find,Discreetly daring, and severely kind,The courtly Roman’s shining path to tread,And sharply smile prevailing Folly dead.”

“Doubly distrest, what author shall we find,

Discreetly daring, and severely kind,

The courtly Roman’s shining path to tread,

And sharply smile prevailing Folly dead.”

Dr. Young.

The Writer does not presume further, than humbly to advise those who wish to enjoy any of their faculties in perfection, not willingly to refrain from wearing theirNight Cap,Later than Eleven o’Clock at Night.

“OneHour’s Sleep before Twelve o’Clock is worthTwoafter.”

Do you recollect, Gentle Reader, to have ever learned any thing worth remembering

After Eleven o’Clock at Night?

I don’t:—nor, indeed,for a full Hour before that time,—those persons whose bodies or minds have been industriously employed during the day, are arrived at that degree of exhaustion, that their faculties are become obtuse;—if you ask them any thing, “they don’t know;”—and if you tell them any thing, “they don’t care.”

Midnight Conversationcannot be any thing more than a mere “caput mortuum,” and the vapid draining of Brains collapsed by the continued cogitations of the 14 or 15 preceding Hours!—or the unwholesome effervescence of the “hot and rebellious liquors” which have been taken to revive the flagging spirits.

The Machinery of Man, like the wheels of a Watch, after a certain time wants winding up, or it will go down—when this time comes, till your Gentleman is wound up by Food and Rest, he cannottalk, any better than that can tick, till that is wound up again.

To the person who is intrusted with so important a concern as the management of your Carriage and Horses you will do wisely to give proper encouragement: on his Honesty and Judgment greatly depend the safety of the Rider and the Expense of the Equipage—therefore, it is as much your Interest to be kind, as it is his Duty to be Careful.

It will be well, therefore, to put your Coachman beyond any petty temptations from Hackneymen, Horsedealers, Farriers, Coachmakers,et id genus omne, and pay him cheerfully all such reasonable Perquisites as will make it His Interest to take care of Yours.

People are often biassed by their Coachman in what is to be done in the Repair or alteration of their Carriage and Horses, and from interested motives, or capricious whims, the Knights of the Whip, it is said, sometimes have gone to extravagant lengths, and the Carriage has become rather the Property of the Coachman and Coachmaker, than of the Proprietor.

A careful Coachman is a valuable Servant. “A Coachman,” says theSieur Soleysell, “should be skilful, Nimble, Hardy, and Honest, should love Horses, and have a desire to perform all his work well:—when a Master findeth a Lad with these qualities, he should not easily part with him; for this Merchandise, although Clownish, is hard enough to be found.”—See hisComplete Horseman, folio, p. 145, 1717.

To the above Qualifications, must be added, that of Reading and Writing; and if you reside in London, that of “knowing Town well,”i. e.be well acquainted with the situation, the distance, and the best Roads, (as they may now be called) to the various parts of that amazing Labyrinth of Lanes called London.

Before you permit him to mount the Box—ask him how far it is to half a dozen different places in opposite directions, and which Way he would go, and how Long he would be in driving you thither.

The best Age for a Coachman is between 30 and 40—before the former, they are perfunctory, and soon after the latter, they lack Activity.

The following maxim, which I gave for hiring a Cook, applies as aptly to engaging Coachmen.

Before the age ofThirty, however comfortable you may endeavour to make them, their want of experience, and the Hope of something stillbetter, prevents their being content with their present state.

After they have had the benefit of Experience, if they are tolerably comfortable, they will endeavour to deserve the approbation of even a moderately kind Master, forFearthey may change for theworse.

“The Good that they wish for, mayn’t match what they’ve got;And therefore they’d best be content with their lot.”

“The Good that they wish for, mayn’t match what they’ve got;

And therefore they’d best be content with their lot.”

Life is divided into the Seasons ofHope, andFear. InYouthwe hope that every thing may be right;—InAge,we fear that every thing will be wrong.

Whether you have your own Horses, or Hire of a Hackneyman:—Mr. Jarvisbegs you to be very careful in choosing a Coachman, or youmay get for a Charioteer, an ignorant, careless creature, who hardly knows

“Come may thur wut”

from

“Come may thur woo-ee.”

The best Person to apply to, to recommend a Coachman, is the Hackneyman of whom you Hire your Horses; it is his own Interest to recommend a Servant who is capable and careful: or by looking in the Daily papers, you will find many who are in want of places:—The shortest way, is to advertise for one—this will bring plenty of applicants presently—direct them to call on your Hackneyman, or to some person on whom you can depend, and let him select and send to you only such as he thinks likely to suit: this will save you much time and trouble: moreover, it is desirable that a Coachman should be in some degree dependant upon the person of whom you hire Horses, that he may be accountable to him for the proper treatment of them, and you will thus be better served.

Accept of noWritten Characterwhen any other can be obtained; and it is the most satisfactory plan for all Parties, toGive, andReceive the Character of a Servant in the presence of such Servant.

The common custom, is for the Coachman to come for

ORDERS

at a certain hour. Very well,—tell him “to stay at Home, and be ready to attend to your Business,” adding, however, (if you expect him to do so) that “whenever you wish for a Half, or a whole Holiday for your own Business,”—for every one has Business and Desires, such as they are,—“ask me for it, and I will not Dissappoint you, even though your Absence may be Inconvenient—Mark!—Mind my Business, and I promise you, that I will never prevent your having every reasonable opportunity of minding Your own:”—make an agreement with him, that he shall have certain Hours in certain Days for such business as the Horses, Carriage, &c. require.

“Leave is Light;”

and warn him that if you find him out without leave, at any othertime—you will immediately give him leave of Absence from your service for ever after, and that it will become your Duty, to state the reason why you do so, to any person who may apply for his Character.

Desire him,Five minutes before he brings the Carriage round, to open the Windows and ventilate it: even in Winter,ColdAir is not so offensive asConfinedAir—desire him to bring the Carriage with the Glasses and Blinds, &c. in the position in which you generally use them; and when you tell him at what Time to come,tell him which Way to bring his Horses’ heads to the Door,i.e.East or West, so that he may start at once, without the disagreeable trouble of turning about—give him similar directions when you stop any where, and apprise him, that when you get in again, if you don’t immediately direct him otherwise, he is always to take you towards Home.

Finally, let his General Business be given to him in Writing;i. e.at what Hours you most usually want the Carriage—how Long at a time you are generally out—what Pace you wish to go—and what Roads to particular places, &c.

Givehim a Map of London, on which, mark with Red Ink the way you wish to be taken to those places to which you are most frequently going—and tell him, if you order him to take you to any place, the way to which he is not well acquainted with, always to say so plainly, and you will direct him.

Some Good Masters never (unless in a case of necessity) take their Carriage out on aSunday.

In well-governed Families, every Servant has the liberty everySundayof going once to Church; which if they neglect, and fail in their duty to their Maker, they may well be suspected of failing in their duty to their master:—A Person who goes regularly to Church, will beWellspoken of, though he may have no other merit to recommend him: He who neglects that Duty isIllspoken of, if he has no other Fault, and has every other Virtue.

Whenever you find it necessary to give any Directions, or to reprove him for Neglect, &c., never send any Message to him by another Servant,—mention it yourself; You may do this with much more effectthan you can by any deputy, who, through Mistake or Ill-nature, may likely enough either say more or less than you told him.

Never reprove Servants unless you are quite in a Good Temper; the best way to ensure which, is,—Never to Lecture them, till at leastOne Day afterthey have offended you.

Never forget to Commend them when they are Right; nothing can cherish the desire of pleasing in Them so effectually, as to shew them that you are pleased:—it is a much pleasanter, and a more effectual mode of proceeding, toPraisethem into good conduct, than toScoldthem out of bad.

There is a Perversity in poor human nature which sets itself against Correction, and is restive to reproof, but is pliant and yielding to the least expression of Kindness.Prideis like the Rust that seizes and stiffens the Spring of an Engine, and checks its motion, so that no force can set it to work; butKindnessis like Oil, which smooths the machinery in such a manner that the parts move almost of themselves. This Gentle method of dealing with our fellow-creaturesisGod’sown method of dealing with mankind, who “delighteth not in the Death of a Sinner, but rather that he should turn from his Wickedness and Live;” and chooses rather to lead us to Repentance by his Goodness, than to drive us to it by his Wrath.

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