CHAPTERII.

CHAPTERII.The extract from his diary continued.THE account of his experience, given in the preceding chapter, begins with the first year of his conversion; in which likewise he began to labour for the good of his neighbour. And it may be observed, that in his progress, the experience of his heart, had its certain progressive stages, resembling in some degree, that of theshining light, or sun: a day suppose, whose early dawn is clear and promising, and whose light and heat still increase ere long, is overcast with clouds, and disturbed with tempest: the sun however keeps his course, and still goes on to theperfect day. Such likewise isthe path of the just, and such was the experience of this servant of God.The first display of the divine goodness to his soul in justification, was so clear, and his joy thereupon was so exceeding strong, that he had then no expectation of seeing war any more. And he was indeed carried on sweetly, for some considerable time.But whatever was the cause he afterwards felt otherwise; often groaning under a body of sin and death; complaining of struggles, between nature and grace; and of inconstancy and weakness in general: with ardent pourings out of his soul to God, for complete deliverance. And his thirst after it was considerably augmented, by the transient tastes, with which it pleased God to favour him from time to time, of the heaven of loving himalone, with all the powers of his soul.The feeling of his heart in reference thereto; the methods which he pursued in order to attain it, and the progress which by the grace of God he made therein, are the subject of this chapter. Only for the sake of some, who desire the fullest information concerning him, I shall prefix a letter he sent me toBristol, fromLondon, in answerto some enquiries which I made, occasioned by the following circumstance. Some months before he leftLondon, the last time, a report prevailed that he professed to becleansed from all sin. On my hearing this, I wrote to know it from himself. He sent me the following answer.London, June 17, 1757.“My dear Brother.“WHAT you mention concerning me, I answer thus.1st. I feel the constant witness of the Spirit of God, that I am forgiven; and that I love God and my neighbour.2dly. I do not feel any evil tempers.3dly. I firmly believe that God will eternally save my soul. But whetherall sinis taken out of my heart, and the possibility of grieving the Spirit of God, I do not determine; neither do I think that I love either God, or my neighbour as I ought, or as I shall. I am helpless, but God is my strength. I live by faith. I am ashamed. I have no wish, that any one should believe I am saved from all sin. Indeed I ought to justify every one that believes the contrary, supposing it was so. But alas! If Christ did not pray for me, and keep me every moment, I should go to the devil. Galatiansii.19. is what I feel. Jesus Christ is all in all.“I have written simply, make the best use you can of it; but say nothing of it to any one (thisI request.¹) O let me be forgotten: not of God, or of his children in prayer: but as I desire no good to be said of me, I would not have any one sin against God in thinking, or speaking the evil which my heart abhors. It is much to the glory of God, to save a proud, angry, self-willed, fearful, and unbelieving sinner; therefore I almost say, that I glory in mine infirmities, that the strength, and grace of Christ, may rest upon me, and save me from them all; and this he will do, as sure as he is faithful and true.“I am, your affectionate brother,Thomas Walsh.”¹And his request was then carefully observed. But the present occasion, will be thought reason sufficient for publishing it.His struggles, sentiments, and attainments, partly before, and partly after this letter, even to his death, are farther represented in the following extracts.*“London, Sunday, June 2.All this forenoon I was raised above myself, and lost in God. Heaven as it were came down into my soul, and I saw the glory of the world to come! I beheld all the glory of this world, as the mire in the streets. But Oh, the views, which I had of heaven, and the foretaste of those ravishing joys, that flow there, so transported my soul, that I could bless God, that ever I was born.”*“Tuesday 4.My soul was transported this day to such a degree, as greatly affected even mybody. I do not recollect, that I ever before felt such a sense of the presence and glory of God. Surely if he should manifest himself a few degrees more to me, I could not live in the body!”*“Sunday 9.I gave myself up to God. I heartily desire to give my whole heart, chearfully, and without reserve to thee my love! Many things would alienate it from thee. But O my Saviour, keep thou my every desire. Knit me closely to thyself, and suffer no false fire to abide in my heart. I acknowledge, O my God, that it is an amazing instance of thy love, that thou hast made me a child of thine. Let I beseech thee, thy goodness be the strongest tie to keep my heart stayed upon thee.”“Tuesday 18.I was so low in body, that I could hardly speak or think. Oh, how does this corruptible body press down my soul! Yet I can praise God for his dispensations towards me; he afflicts me, that I may be partaker of his holiness.”“At the Lord’s table I was in an agony for holiness. My soul, and even my body, were ready to faint with desire, and longing for all the mind that was in Christ Jesus.”“Saturday, July 20.O how my soul laboured with God in secret prayer! I said in my heart, if I am indeed a child of God, Why have I not greater desires to depart, and to be with Christ? I prostrated myself before the throne of grace, and cried to God to answer me as by fire: and hesoon silenced my despondences by answering in my heart, ‘My son, thou art mine.’”“Wednesday, September 21.God overpowered my whole frame, so that my body fainted under the pouring out of the Spirit of Christ.”*“Saturday, September 26.My heart was quite melted with a sense of the goodness of God, and of my own vileness. I think I now begin to repent; to have a godly sorrow for my sins. Of this I am well assured, that thoughts which were in my mind a year ago, are now a grief to me. The Spirit of God brings the sins of my whole life to my remembrance. I read them all, but more especially, whatever has been wrong in me, since I was converted. My spirit within me mourns, and my heart feelingly says, ‘Oh that I had never sinned! O that my soul and body had been always pure before thee! Oh that I had always the same light and power that God has given me now!’ But altho’ I am vile, yet this, blessed be God I know, there is now no condemnation to me: the blood of Christ hath washed away all my sins. I have the Spirit of adoption, and the peace of my God. I love him, and all his dear children; yea, and my enemies likewise. I hunger and thirst after righteousness. I rejoice in my God, and delight in doing his will. I know in whom I have believed. My name is written in heaven. Hallelujah!”“Friday, November 22.I enjoyed a fulness of God in my soul; and had infinite sweetness incommunion with my Saviour. Lord I am not worthy of these manifestations: But I see all is offree grace. I receive all through Christ the righteous. He drank the bitter cup, that I might drink the cup of consolation. Lord I would love thee infinitely, if I were able! My whole soul cries out for power to do thy will perfectly.”“Monday December 2.I feel I am a mere nothing, and that if God withdraw his grace from me but for a moment, I should do nothing but sin.”*“Sunday 22.All the day long my Lord was wonderfully present with me in every ordinance. Truly my soul longed vehemently to be, and live like my Saviour the holy Jesus. This indeed is the thing I aim at; and I believe according to the sure word of promise, I shall attain. O what depths and heights of holiness do I discern attainable in this world.”*“I felt much shame before the Lord to day, for my unfaithfulness, and unfruitfulness. O God enter not into judgment with me for my sins of omission!”*“Sunday July 4.I was troubled in my spirit because of lightness of heart, and speakingmy own words, (Isaiahlviii.) How many idle words do I speak! It ill becomes a Christian, much more a preacher ever to laugh.”“October 6.I rose with much sorrow and concern; and with shame and much brokenness of heart, bowed my soul before the Lord. Myheaviness endured as it were but a moment, and the divine light shone transcendently bright upon my soul. Praying with a few friends, my joy in the Lord overcame my feeble body. And it proved to be a preparation for a trial, which came soon after. I had sweet communion with Jesus, and three of his redeemed ones this day. In the evening I pressed upon the people the necessity ofinward life, fromActsv.20.”“My soul was mightily encouraged while I expounded,Johnxiv.21–23.Inward and constant liberty is what I want; to be always recollected, having my mind stayed upon God. I would live like an angel below. For some moments indeed, I often love and rejoice in a wonderful manner: but alas, ‘How soon it dies away.’ I become comparatively cold, and can neither pray with freedom, nor rejoice with reverence.”“Still, nature, the devil and grace, are striving with me: Christ however has the upper-hand; but I want him ‘to live and reign, the Lord ofevery motionof my soul.’”“I prayed with my kindred at taking my leave of them.¹My brother and sister were ill, and my mother weeping after me. I found a great struggle, and believe I should have stayed, but for those scriptures,He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me. And,Let the dead bury their dead; but go thou and preach the kingdom of God. My heart felt pain and sorrow: but I took up my cross, and went immediately toBellygarane(where were a colony ofGermans) and preached that night. O what is needful for a minister of Jesus! What faith, love, purity, divine light, life and strength to finish his course with joy!”¹He was then going toEnglandthe third, and which was the last time.“Meeting the penitents, I could hardly speak in the last prayer, I was so overpowered with the presence and majesty of God.”“I rose early this morning, after watering my pillow with my tears more than ever I remember to have done before.”“Throughout the various exercises of the day I had strong assurance, that the Lord would eternally save me; especially as I sat at dinner, conversing with my brethren of the things of God.”“Having this evening to myself without preaching (a rare thing with him) I shut myself up, and sought the Lord with prayers and tears. Shew me, my Lord, thy glory, or let me die that I may see thee! If I cannot perfectly love thee, and do thy will upon earth, send for me and take my soul to heaven. But Lord, God, hast thou not spoken byMoses,Deuteronomyxxx.6.and byEzekielxxxiv.23–32.If these are thy words and promises, I pray and plead, that they may be fulfilled in me, according totheir utmost extent, O come and baptize me with fire!”“At prayer with some friends, the Lord applied powerfully to my heart, ‘Go and sin no more!’ Now the Lord has answered for himself. I believe it is his will, that from this moment I should sin no more! and that I should have such a faith, as never to depart from Christ in thought, word, or deed; that so, being inseparably one with him I should walk in the spirit, and sing and praise him evermore! Angels praise my Saviour!”“1757. Sunday.All the day I was happy in my Lord, rejoicing in confidence that he would save me eternally. I could pray, and love, and weep.”“It was a day of great blessing, and of great trials. I came home through much snow and rain. But it was all sweet with Christ. I called on the strong for strength; and after meditation, lay down in peace.”“Thursday.I employed all the day in reading theHebrewandGreekscriptures, save some time which I spent in endeavouring to convince a man, that there is salvation for a person though he does not make use of the church liturgy.”“With a heart full of matter, I preached onEphesiansvi.11.I could truly say, that the law of thy mouth is dearer unto me, than thousands of gold and silver.”“At dinner my soul was sweetly drawn out after God, I felt such an assurance of eternal salvation, as I never had before; not with such clearness of evidence.”“I felt great love to all mankind. My soul pleaded with God in their behalf. O Jesus hasten thy kingdom. Come and put a period to sin and misery! O my God, suffer not a vain thought to live in me. I never can rest till Jesus has poured his humble, pure, and happy mind into my soul. For some moments I did taste of the felicity of heaven; but thro’ pain and unbelief it was of short continuance.”“Friday.It being the public fast. I preached on Isaiahlviii.3. It was a day of feasting to my soul. With great delight I rested in my God. And it seemed to me, that the people of God were not yet to suffer. Hereafter it will be; but at present, the grand controversy is with antichrist.¹Jesus will avenge the quarrel of his covenant.”¹For some considerable time before, and during great part of his last sickness, his thoughts entered deeply, into the prophecies ofDanieland theRevelation. He calculated the times with great exactness, and spared no labour and pains, to be fully informed concerning the great things which those passages teach still await the world. In short he was rapt up in those future scenes,hastening to the coming of the Son ofGod, in his kingdom of grace and glory. His opinion was, that great and amazing things were at the door, and he has frequently said to a young man, “My brother if you live to the years of a man (meaning three score and ten) you shall see these things.”“I seek perfection, and uninterrupted communion with the blessed God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. True; I am not worthy of the crumbs under thy table; yet I look thro’ thy richgrace, for all the precious and eternal blessings of the new Covenant.”“Sunday.This was a glorious day indeed. Great and marvellous were the blessings which God bestowed upon me. He blesses me in every duty: all is useful; all works together for my good. I go on my way singing the hundred and thirty-eighth psalm,They shall sing in the ways of the Lord; for great is the glory of the Lord.”“Jesus was with me in all I did. He gave me light, love, help, joy, peace, and strength in all. In his Spirit I went to rest.”*“Wherever I was, and in whatsoever I did, my soul delighted in God: never had I deeper, or more sweet manifestations of his gracious presence. I could not but praise him, and thirst for more perfect union with him! Surely this is the foretaste of glory! O if Christians did but rightly understand the nature, power, and extent ofthe kingdom of Godin the soul, I am persuaded they would not rest satisfied with bare pardon of sin, and some joy and peace, when they may have perfect and uninterrupted rest! If once sin be totally destroyed, and the Spirit filled with the light, and love of God, it is then neither hurt nor hindred, by any person or thing; but steddily goes on its heavenly journey, united to Christ, more and more daily.It does not yet appear what we shall be, even in this world.”*“O Christ, What hast thou done for me! What shall I say of, or unto thee? This I say,that I love thee! O let it be with all my heart, and soul, and mind, and strength. At intercession, I felt such a degree of the presence of God, as utterly amazed me. O glorious Lord, how shall I bless thee!”*“My heart continually rested in God, and drank of the living waters; yea, my very body was supported by the joy wherewith my soul was refreshed: so that after preaching three times to-day, beside visiting the sick, and well; my strength was more than when I rose in the morning.”“Friday.A day of fasting (a frequent practice of his.) At prayer my soul was greatly humbled before God. Entire resignation, without much joy, was the state of my heart this day.”“Saturday, March 12, 1757.Preparing for a short journey to-day, and laying up my books, I felt some little distraction. I could bless God however, that I had not money to lay up. Alas, for the rich of this world: how are they to be pitied! How hardly can they be saved? Jesus, make and keep me poor in spirit; nor suffer this world ever to defile me. Suffer not my soul to cleave to the dust, but cause all my affections to flow towards thyself. I would not live upon earth. I desire, pray, and labour, that my heart may be in heaven, with Christ my head.”“Sunday 13.I conversed with one to-day, who told me, that for fourteen years last past, she never found any unhappiness, but always rejoicedin the love of God. Before and after sacrament, I found such desire, as almost made my heart break. My soul and flesh cried, mourned and wept for the perfect love of God. There is a beauty and excellence in holiness, which has quite won my heart.”“All day, both in reading, prayer, and conversation, I felt something of that promise, Johniv.14. I look for religion to possess, and entirely change me. I see and feel, that Christianity is something divine, living, generous, powerful, and internal. It isGod dwelling in the soul of man, 2 Corinthiansvi.16.”*“Friday 18.I prayed, and read till twelve. My body began then to complain. It does not like fasting; but my soul did banquet on the rich delicacies of the love and promises of God. I am in the way to heaven; but I want a heavenly nature, heavenwithinme. My soul can be satisfied with nothing less than God. Jesus, my dear Jesus, let me ever esteem thy blood, and righteousness above the whole world! Through thee I come to God. By thee I enter heaven. Thou art heaven.”“My heart was penetrated with the goodness and love of God. I see still more clearly, that love is the fulfilling of the law—supreme, constant, and perfect love of God, and pure benevolent love to the whole of human kind.”Happy soul, when once renew’d,God in thee, and thou in God,Only feel’st within thee moveTenderness, compassion, love.Love immense, and unconfin’d,Love to all of human kind,Love, which willeth all should live,Love, which all to all would give,Love, that over all prevails,Love, that never, never fails:Stand secure, for thou shalt proveAll th’ eternity of love.“There is, therecanbe no higher, no better, no sweeter divinity than this,My beloved is mine, and I am his! O my soul rest in this! Be satisfied, and safe in the protecting, sanctifying, and reviving love ofImmanuel, God with me.”“The33dchapter ofExoduscame in my course of reading to-day. And O what pleading and communion betweenMosesand his God. Happy man! who conversed with the glorious Jehovah, face to face.¹And yetSt.Johnseems to express something higher and sweeter than even this,1stEpistlei.3. For certainly internal union with God, and a fulness of his spirit, are more excellent than any external manifestation can be.”¹That is with a degree of familiarity and access, which was not allowed to any of the other patriarchs or prophets. Forstrictlyspeaking,no man hath seen God at any time.“I retired a few minutes after five, to wait for the coming of Jesus. My soul is all desire after Christ. I am resolved to love and serve him so as I have never yet done. ComeHoly Ghost, and kindle the fire within my breast.”*“From a quarter after four this morning till ten, spent in prayer, and reading the scriptures, and such humiliation of soul, such a sense of my vileness I hardly ever felt. It was genuine, godly sorrow indeed, with a clear sight of the odiousness of sin. I believe the first time I ever sinned, was brought to my remembrance. My head was as waters, and my heart as wax before the fire. But all the time I had a clear sense of the love of God; a witness that I was accepted in the beloved, and all the day after, my soul delighted itself in the Lord.”*“I ought to esteem myself unworthy of any comfort; my sins having justly deserved damnation. The blood of Christ is of infinite value and efficacy, otherwise I should never be saved. Infirmities, so called, which once I passed over without much remorse, now appear heinous, black, and damnable, and if God did not bear witness with my spirit, that they are all forgiven, would sink me into misery. People are seldom sufficiently sensible of the odiousness of pride, anger, internal concupiscence, or an inordinate love of the creature; together with the neglect of self-denial, and bearing the daily cross. These are overlooked; yea, some even plead for, and attemptto justify them. Lord, let me never be an advocate for the devil. Give me grace heartily to love those who tell me of my faults. Search out my sin, till thou find none. My whole trust is in the blood of Jesus. I have no other plea; for this one is enough, it will, it doth prevail with God, and bring my soul to glory.”*“In my closet the former part of this day, it was made indeed a time of love. I felt such sweetness, and divine felicity in my soul, and by faith beheld the glory of God in such a manner as words cannot describe. I saw and tasted God in all things. My Lord Jesus Christ appearedwonderfulto me indeed, Isaiahix.6. Praise, blessing, honour, glory, and thanksgiving be ascribed to the holy and adorable Trinity. What could I have believed, what understood of thee, unless thou my Lord hadst revealed it to me?¹O love divine! O the wisdom, and power of God! Human tongue cannot express, nor angel minds conceive, how great and wonderful ye are in the saints; by whom God is glorified, and in whom Christ isjustifiedby the Spirit, (1 Timothyiii.16.) To whom heaven is as it were let down, and whom eternal glory momentarily awaits! They now drink of the rivers of pleasure; of the well of life: and are warmed with the beams of the divine sun! They are delightedwith praises, allured by pleasures, cloathed with light, and filled with God! Hallelujah! Amen.”¹He seems to refer to some particular communication from God of his Triune Majesty.

The extract from his diary continued.

THE account of his experience, given in the preceding chapter, begins with the first year of his conversion; in which likewise he began to labour for the good of his neighbour. And it may be observed, that in his progress, the experience of his heart, had its certain progressive stages, resembling in some degree, that of theshining light, or sun: a day suppose, whose early dawn is clear and promising, and whose light and heat still increase ere long, is overcast with clouds, and disturbed with tempest: the sun however keeps his course, and still goes on to theperfect day. Such likewise isthe path of the just, and such was the experience of this servant of God.

The first display of the divine goodness to his soul in justification, was so clear, and his joy thereupon was so exceeding strong, that he had then no expectation of seeing war any more. And he was indeed carried on sweetly, for some considerable time.

But whatever was the cause he afterwards felt otherwise; often groaning under a body of sin and death; complaining of struggles, between nature and grace; and of inconstancy and weakness in general: with ardent pourings out of his soul to God, for complete deliverance. And his thirst after it was considerably augmented, by the transient tastes, with which it pleased God to favour him from time to time, of the heaven of loving himalone, with all the powers of his soul.

The feeling of his heart in reference thereto; the methods which he pursued in order to attain it, and the progress which by the grace of God he made therein, are the subject of this chapter. Only for the sake of some, who desire the fullest information concerning him, I shall prefix a letter he sent me toBristol, fromLondon, in answerto some enquiries which I made, occasioned by the following circumstance. Some months before he leftLondon, the last time, a report prevailed that he professed to becleansed from all sin. On my hearing this, I wrote to know it from himself. He sent me the following answer.

London, June 17, 1757.

“My dear Brother.

“WHAT you mention concerning me, I answer thus.1st. I feel the constant witness of the Spirit of God, that I am forgiven; and that I love God and my neighbour.2dly. I do not feel any evil tempers.3dly. I firmly believe that God will eternally save my soul. But whetherall sinis taken out of my heart, and the possibility of grieving the Spirit of God, I do not determine; neither do I think that I love either God, or my neighbour as I ought, or as I shall. I am helpless, but God is my strength. I live by faith. I am ashamed. I have no wish, that any one should believe I am saved from all sin. Indeed I ought to justify every one that believes the contrary, supposing it was so. But alas! If Christ did not pray for me, and keep me every moment, I should go to the devil. Galatiansii.19. is what I feel. Jesus Christ is all in all.

“I have written simply, make the best use you can of it; but say nothing of it to any one (thisI request.¹) O let me be forgotten: not of God, or of his children in prayer: but as I desire no good to be said of me, I would not have any one sin against God in thinking, or speaking the evil which my heart abhors. It is much to the glory of God, to save a proud, angry, self-willed, fearful, and unbelieving sinner; therefore I almost say, that I glory in mine infirmities, that the strength, and grace of Christ, may rest upon me, and save me from them all; and this he will do, as sure as he is faithful and true.

“I am, your affectionate brother,

Thomas Walsh.”

¹And his request was then carefully observed. But the present occasion, will be thought reason sufficient for publishing it.

His struggles, sentiments, and attainments, partly before, and partly after this letter, even to his death, are farther represented in the following extracts.

*“London, Sunday, June 2.All this forenoon I was raised above myself, and lost in God. Heaven as it were came down into my soul, and I saw the glory of the world to come! I beheld all the glory of this world, as the mire in the streets. But Oh, the views, which I had of heaven, and the foretaste of those ravishing joys, that flow there, so transported my soul, that I could bless God, that ever I was born.”

*“Tuesday 4.My soul was transported this day to such a degree, as greatly affected even mybody. I do not recollect, that I ever before felt such a sense of the presence and glory of God. Surely if he should manifest himself a few degrees more to me, I could not live in the body!”

*“Sunday 9.I gave myself up to God. I heartily desire to give my whole heart, chearfully, and without reserve to thee my love! Many things would alienate it from thee. But O my Saviour, keep thou my every desire. Knit me closely to thyself, and suffer no false fire to abide in my heart. I acknowledge, O my God, that it is an amazing instance of thy love, that thou hast made me a child of thine. Let I beseech thee, thy goodness be the strongest tie to keep my heart stayed upon thee.”

“Tuesday 18.I was so low in body, that I could hardly speak or think. Oh, how does this corruptible body press down my soul! Yet I can praise God for his dispensations towards me; he afflicts me, that I may be partaker of his holiness.”

“At the Lord’s table I was in an agony for holiness. My soul, and even my body, were ready to faint with desire, and longing for all the mind that was in Christ Jesus.”

“Saturday, July 20.O how my soul laboured with God in secret prayer! I said in my heart, if I am indeed a child of God, Why have I not greater desires to depart, and to be with Christ? I prostrated myself before the throne of grace, and cried to God to answer me as by fire: and hesoon silenced my despondences by answering in my heart, ‘My son, thou art mine.’”

“Wednesday, September 21.God overpowered my whole frame, so that my body fainted under the pouring out of the Spirit of Christ.”

*“Saturday, September 26.My heart was quite melted with a sense of the goodness of God, and of my own vileness. I think I now begin to repent; to have a godly sorrow for my sins. Of this I am well assured, that thoughts which were in my mind a year ago, are now a grief to me. The Spirit of God brings the sins of my whole life to my remembrance. I read them all, but more especially, whatever has been wrong in me, since I was converted. My spirit within me mourns, and my heart feelingly says, ‘Oh that I had never sinned! O that my soul and body had been always pure before thee! Oh that I had always the same light and power that God has given me now!’ But altho’ I am vile, yet this, blessed be God I know, there is now no condemnation to me: the blood of Christ hath washed away all my sins. I have the Spirit of adoption, and the peace of my God. I love him, and all his dear children; yea, and my enemies likewise. I hunger and thirst after righteousness. I rejoice in my God, and delight in doing his will. I know in whom I have believed. My name is written in heaven. Hallelujah!”

“Friday, November 22.I enjoyed a fulness of God in my soul; and had infinite sweetness incommunion with my Saviour. Lord I am not worthy of these manifestations: But I see all is offree grace. I receive all through Christ the righteous. He drank the bitter cup, that I might drink the cup of consolation. Lord I would love thee infinitely, if I were able! My whole soul cries out for power to do thy will perfectly.”

“Monday December 2.I feel I am a mere nothing, and that if God withdraw his grace from me but for a moment, I should do nothing but sin.”

*“Sunday 22.All the day long my Lord was wonderfully present with me in every ordinance. Truly my soul longed vehemently to be, and live like my Saviour the holy Jesus. This indeed is the thing I aim at; and I believe according to the sure word of promise, I shall attain. O what depths and heights of holiness do I discern attainable in this world.”

*“I felt much shame before the Lord to day, for my unfaithfulness, and unfruitfulness. O God enter not into judgment with me for my sins of omission!”

*“Sunday July 4.I was troubled in my spirit because of lightness of heart, and speakingmy own words, (Isaiahlviii.) How many idle words do I speak! It ill becomes a Christian, much more a preacher ever to laugh.”

“October 6.I rose with much sorrow and concern; and with shame and much brokenness of heart, bowed my soul before the Lord. Myheaviness endured as it were but a moment, and the divine light shone transcendently bright upon my soul. Praying with a few friends, my joy in the Lord overcame my feeble body. And it proved to be a preparation for a trial, which came soon after. I had sweet communion with Jesus, and three of his redeemed ones this day. In the evening I pressed upon the people the necessity ofinward life, fromActsv.20.”

“My soul was mightily encouraged while I expounded,Johnxiv.21–23.Inward and constant liberty is what I want; to be always recollected, having my mind stayed upon God. I would live like an angel below. For some moments indeed, I often love and rejoice in a wonderful manner: but alas, ‘How soon it dies away.’ I become comparatively cold, and can neither pray with freedom, nor rejoice with reverence.”

“Still, nature, the devil and grace, are striving with me: Christ however has the upper-hand; but I want him ‘to live and reign, the Lord ofevery motionof my soul.’”

“I prayed with my kindred at taking my leave of them.¹My brother and sister were ill, and my mother weeping after me. I found a great struggle, and believe I should have stayed, but for those scriptures,He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me. And,Let the dead bury their dead; but go thou and preach the kingdom of God. My heart felt pain and sorrow: but I took up my cross, and went immediately toBellygarane(where were a colony ofGermans) and preached that night. O what is needful for a minister of Jesus! What faith, love, purity, divine light, life and strength to finish his course with joy!”

¹He was then going toEnglandthe third, and which was the last time.

“Meeting the penitents, I could hardly speak in the last prayer, I was so overpowered with the presence and majesty of God.”

“I rose early this morning, after watering my pillow with my tears more than ever I remember to have done before.”

“Throughout the various exercises of the day I had strong assurance, that the Lord would eternally save me; especially as I sat at dinner, conversing with my brethren of the things of God.”

“Having this evening to myself without preaching (a rare thing with him) I shut myself up, and sought the Lord with prayers and tears. Shew me, my Lord, thy glory, or let me die that I may see thee! If I cannot perfectly love thee, and do thy will upon earth, send for me and take my soul to heaven. But Lord, God, hast thou not spoken byMoses,Deuteronomyxxx.6.and byEzekielxxxiv.23–32.If these are thy words and promises, I pray and plead, that they may be fulfilled in me, according totheir utmost extent, O come and baptize me with fire!”

“At prayer with some friends, the Lord applied powerfully to my heart, ‘Go and sin no more!’ Now the Lord has answered for himself. I believe it is his will, that from this moment I should sin no more! and that I should have such a faith, as never to depart from Christ in thought, word, or deed; that so, being inseparably one with him I should walk in the spirit, and sing and praise him evermore! Angels praise my Saviour!”

“1757. Sunday.All the day I was happy in my Lord, rejoicing in confidence that he would save me eternally. I could pray, and love, and weep.”

“It was a day of great blessing, and of great trials. I came home through much snow and rain. But it was all sweet with Christ. I called on the strong for strength; and after meditation, lay down in peace.”

“Thursday.I employed all the day in reading theHebrewandGreekscriptures, save some time which I spent in endeavouring to convince a man, that there is salvation for a person though he does not make use of the church liturgy.”

“With a heart full of matter, I preached onEphesiansvi.11.I could truly say, that the law of thy mouth is dearer unto me, than thousands of gold and silver.”

“At dinner my soul was sweetly drawn out after God, I felt such an assurance of eternal salvation, as I never had before; not with such clearness of evidence.”

“I felt great love to all mankind. My soul pleaded with God in their behalf. O Jesus hasten thy kingdom. Come and put a period to sin and misery! O my God, suffer not a vain thought to live in me. I never can rest till Jesus has poured his humble, pure, and happy mind into my soul. For some moments I did taste of the felicity of heaven; but thro’ pain and unbelief it was of short continuance.”

“Friday.It being the public fast. I preached on Isaiahlviii.3. It was a day of feasting to my soul. With great delight I rested in my God. And it seemed to me, that the people of God were not yet to suffer. Hereafter it will be; but at present, the grand controversy is with antichrist.¹Jesus will avenge the quarrel of his covenant.”

¹For some considerable time before, and during great part of his last sickness, his thoughts entered deeply, into the prophecies ofDanieland theRevelation. He calculated the times with great exactness, and spared no labour and pains, to be fully informed concerning the great things which those passages teach still await the world. In short he was rapt up in those future scenes,hastening to the coming of the Son ofGod, in his kingdom of grace and glory. His opinion was, that great and amazing things were at the door, and he has frequently said to a young man, “My brother if you live to the years of a man (meaning three score and ten) you shall see these things.”

“I seek perfection, and uninterrupted communion with the blessed God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. True; I am not worthy of the crumbs under thy table; yet I look thro’ thy richgrace, for all the precious and eternal blessings of the new Covenant.”

“Sunday.This was a glorious day indeed. Great and marvellous were the blessings which God bestowed upon me. He blesses me in every duty: all is useful; all works together for my good. I go on my way singing the hundred and thirty-eighth psalm,They shall sing in the ways of the Lord; for great is the glory of the Lord.”

“Jesus was with me in all I did. He gave me light, love, help, joy, peace, and strength in all. In his Spirit I went to rest.”

*“Wherever I was, and in whatsoever I did, my soul delighted in God: never had I deeper, or more sweet manifestations of his gracious presence. I could not but praise him, and thirst for more perfect union with him! Surely this is the foretaste of glory! O if Christians did but rightly understand the nature, power, and extent ofthe kingdom of Godin the soul, I am persuaded they would not rest satisfied with bare pardon of sin, and some joy and peace, when they may have perfect and uninterrupted rest! If once sin be totally destroyed, and the Spirit filled with the light, and love of God, it is then neither hurt nor hindred, by any person or thing; but steddily goes on its heavenly journey, united to Christ, more and more daily.It does not yet appear what we shall be, even in this world.”

*“O Christ, What hast thou done for me! What shall I say of, or unto thee? This I say,that I love thee! O let it be with all my heart, and soul, and mind, and strength. At intercession, I felt such a degree of the presence of God, as utterly amazed me. O glorious Lord, how shall I bless thee!”

*“My heart continually rested in God, and drank of the living waters; yea, my very body was supported by the joy wherewith my soul was refreshed: so that after preaching three times to-day, beside visiting the sick, and well; my strength was more than when I rose in the morning.”

“Friday.A day of fasting (a frequent practice of his.) At prayer my soul was greatly humbled before God. Entire resignation, without much joy, was the state of my heart this day.”

“Saturday, March 12, 1757.Preparing for a short journey to-day, and laying up my books, I felt some little distraction. I could bless God however, that I had not money to lay up. Alas, for the rich of this world: how are they to be pitied! How hardly can they be saved? Jesus, make and keep me poor in spirit; nor suffer this world ever to defile me. Suffer not my soul to cleave to the dust, but cause all my affections to flow towards thyself. I would not live upon earth. I desire, pray, and labour, that my heart may be in heaven, with Christ my head.”

“Sunday 13.I conversed with one to-day, who told me, that for fourteen years last past, she never found any unhappiness, but always rejoicedin the love of God. Before and after sacrament, I found such desire, as almost made my heart break. My soul and flesh cried, mourned and wept for the perfect love of God. There is a beauty and excellence in holiness, which has quite won my heart.”

“All day, both in reading, prayer, and conversation, I felt something of that promise, Johniv.14. I look for religion to possess, and entirely change me. I see and feel, that Christianity is something divine, living, generous, powerful, and internal. It isGod dwelling in the soul of man, 2 Corinthiansvi.16.”

*“Friday 18.I prayed, and read till twelve. My body began then to complain. It does not like fasting; but my soul did banquet on the rich delicacies of the love and promises of God. I am in the way to heaven; but I want a heavenly nature, heavenwithinme. My soul can be satisfied with nothing less than God. Jesus, my dear Jesus, let me ever esteem thy blood, and righteousness above the whole world! Through thee I come to God. By thee I enter heaven. Thou art heaven.”

“My heart was penetrated with the goodness and love of God. I see still more clearly, that love is the fulfilling of the law—supreme, constant, and perfect love of God, and pure benevolent love to the whole of human kind.”

Happy soul, when once renew’d,God in thee, and thou in God,Only feel’st within thee moveTenderness, compassion, love.Love immense, and unconfin’d,Love to all of human kind,Love, which willeth all should live,Love, which all to all would give,Love, that over all prevails,Love, that never, never fails:Stand secure, for thou shalt proveAll th’ eternity of love.

Happy soul, when once renew’d,

God in thee, and thou in God,

Only feel’st within thee move

Tenderness, compassion, love.

Love immense, and unconfin’d,

Love to all of human kind,

Love, which willeth all should live,

Love, which all to all would give,

Love, that over all prevails,

Love, that never, never fails:

Stand secure, for thou shalt prove

All th’ eternity of love.

“There is, therecanbe no higher, no better, no sweeter divinity than this,My beloved is mine, and I am his! O my soul rest in this! Be satisfied, and safe in the protecting, sanctifying, and reviving love ofImmanuel, God with me.”

“The33dchapter ofExoduscame in my course of reading to-day. And O what pleading and communion betweenMosesand his God. Happy man! who conversed with the glorious Jehovah, face to face.¹And yetSt.Johnseems to express something higher and sweeter than even this,1stEpistlei.3. For certainly internal union with God, and a fulness of his spirit, are more excellent than any external manifestation can be.”

¹That is with a degree of familiarity and access, which was not allowed to any of the other patriarchs or prophets. Forstrictlyspeaking,no man hath seen God at any time.

“I retired a few minutes after five, to wait for the coming of Jesus. My soul is all desire after Christ. I am resolved to love and serve him so as I have never yet done. ComeHoly Ghost, and kindle the fire within my breast.”

*“From a quarter after four this morning till ten, spent in prayer, and reading the scriptures, and such humiliation of soul, such a sense of my vileness I hardly ever felt. It was genuine, godly sorrow indeed, with a clear sight of the odiousness of sin. I believe the first time I ever sinned, was brought to my remembrance. My head was as waters, and my heart as wax before the fire. But all the time I had a clear sense of the love of God; a witness that I was accepted in the beloved, and all the day after, my soul delighted itself in the Lord.”

*“I ought to esteem myself unworthy of any comfort; my sins having justly deserved damnation. The blood of Christ is of infinite value and efficacy, otherwise I should never be saved. Infirmities, so called, which once I passed over without much remorse, now appear heinous, black, and damnable, and if God did not bear witness with my spirit, that they are all forgiven, would sink me into misery. People are seldom sufficiently sensible of the odiousness of pride, anger, internal concupiscence, or an inordinate love of the creature; together with the neglect of self-denial, and bearing the daily cross. These are overlooked; yea, some even plead for, and attemptto justify them. Lord, let me never be an advocate for the devil. Give me grace heartily to love those who tell me of my faults. Search out my sin, till thou find none. My whole trust is in the blood of Jesus. I have no other plea; for this one is enough, it will, it doth prevail with God, and bring my soul to glory.”

*“In my closet the former part of this day, it was made indeed a time of love. I felt such sweetness, and divine felicity in my soul, and by faith beheld the glory of God in such a manner as words cannot describe. I saw and tasted God in all things. My Lord Jesus Christ appearedwonderfulto me indeed, Isaiahix.6. Praise, blessing, honour, glory, and thanksgiving be ascribed to the holy and adorable Trinity. What could I have believed, what understood of thee, unless thou my Lord hadst revealed it to me?¹O love divine! O the wisdom, and power of God! Human tongue cannot express, nor angel minds conceive, how great and wonderful ye are in the saints; by whom God is glorified, and in whom Christ isjustifiedby the Spirit, (1 Timothyiii.16.) To whom heaven is as it were let down, and whom eternal glory momentarily awaits! They now drink of the rivers of pleasure; of the well of life: and are warmed with the beams of the divine sun! They are delightedwith praises, allured by pleasures, cloathed with light, and filled with God! Hallelujah! Amen.”

¹He seems to refer to some particular communication from God of his Triune Majesty.

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