EASILY PERSUADED
If we failed to hold the corn in plain sight he would stop at once.
We hacked around over the country, first one holding the pole and then the other, becoming so accustomed to it that we often wondered what people were laughing at, as we passed them.
In a few days we arrived at Napoleon, droveup in front of the hotel, jumped out, ordered our horse put out, rushed in, grabbed the proprietor by the hands, with—"How are you, landlord? Did you think we had jumped our board bill this time? How are the folks? Guess we'll take a wash. Put us down for a good room, landlord. Any cream biscuit for supper to-night?"
He said: "By gol, I didn't hardly know what to think of it, this time; but I thought perhaps you would turn up, after a while."
He seemed delighted that we had brought a horse and wagon with us, and we tried to sell it to him. He would have bought, only that the fish-pole-and-corn scheme had to be kept up, to make the horse go.
After about three days we again left; and then succeeded in making a very fair trade, coming into possession of a handsome pair of horses, harness and carriage, and two hundred and fifty dollars in cash, for six County rights.
We then traded the old horse for a small pony, which we sold for twenty dollars, and started for Napoleon, arriving there after an absence of about ten days.
We drove up to the hotel, ordered our horses put out, rushed in as usual, took the proprietor by the hand, and said:
"You just about thought we had quit you for good, this time, didn't you? Guess we'll take a wash, landlord. Put us down for a good room. How about the cream biscuit? Folks all well? Landlord, did you notice our team? It's the finest in the land. Have 'em taken good care of. By Jove! We're glad to get home once more. You're looking fine, landlord. Have a cigar?"
He put on a sickly smile, and after lighting a cigar, said he knew we would come back; and asked how our business was.
We told him it had been a little slack, on account of its being so hard to get money. We staid there a week longer, and tried every conceivable plan to force the landlord to ask us for money, but he never mentioned it during our stay. We sold our team and carriage for three hundred dollars cash, and put the money in our pockets, without ever mentioning our hotel bill, or acting as though we considered ourselves his debtors.
Then we made returns to the patentees for their share of the profits on the sales we had made.
The landlord proved himself the "sort of mettle" for our business; and at last one day Istepped up to him, reached out my hand, and said: "Well, landlord, I guess we'll have to leave you for good."
He shook my hand warmly, but looked uneasy and bewildered.
He talked, undertaking to let his conversation drift towards the matter of our indebtedness. Finally I got the floor, and talked at lightning speed, paying him so many compliments, in the presence of his guests, that he was completely non-plussed, and at a loss to know how to act.
Suddenly, seeming to realize that something of much importance had escaped my memory, I said: "By the way, landlord, we haven't settled our bill, yet. How much do we owe you? Make out the bill. Mighty lucky I thought of it."
"By gracious, that's so! That's a fact. You haven't paid your bill yet, have you? Oh, well, I knew it would be all right, anyhow."
After paying up in full, we received loud praise from him, and his assurance that the best his house afforded would never be too good for us, whenever we saw fit to stop with him; and said if we would stay a week longer he would have cream biscuit every meal.
OUR TRIP THROUGH INDIANA—HOW I FOOLED A TELEGRAPH OPERATOR—THE OLD LANDLORD SENDS RECIPE FOR CREAM BISCUIT—OUR RETURN TO OHIO—BECOMING AGENTS FOR A NEW PATENT—OUR VALISE STOLEN—RETURN TO FT. WAYNE—WAITING SIX WEEKS FOR PATENT-RIGHT PAPERS—BUSTED—STAVING OFF THE WASHERWOMAN FOR FIVE WEEKS—"THE KID" AND 'DE EXCHANGE ACT'—HOW THE LAUNDRY WOMAN GOT EVEN WITH US—THE LANDLORD ON THE BORROW—HOW WE BORROWED OF HIM—REPLENISHING OUR WARDROBE—PAYING UP THE HOTEL BILL.
OUR TRIP THROUGH INDIANA—HOW I FOOLED A TELEGRAPH OPERATOR—THE OLD LANDLORD SENDS RECIPE FOR CREAM BISCUIT—OUR RETURN TO OHIO—BECOMING AGENTS FOR A NEW PATENT—OUR VALISE STOLEN—RETURN TO FT. WAYNE—WAITING SIX WEEKS FOR PATENT-RIGHT PAPERS—BUSTED—STAVING OFF THE WASHERWOMAN FOR FIVE WEEKS—"THE KID" AND 'DE EXCHANGE ACT'—HOW THE LAUNDRY WOMAN GOT EVEN WITH US—THE LANDLORD ON THE BORROW—HOW WE BORROWED OF HIM—REPLENISHING OUR WARDROBE—PAYING UP THE HOTEL BILL.
We then made a trip through Indiana, and met with virtually no success at all; and very soon paid out almost our last dollar for actual expenses.
One day we had occasion to go to a small station to take the cars for Fort Wayne, when the telegraph operator left his office for a few minutes to go after the mail.
I stepped to the instrument, called the Toledo office, and sent a message to our late landlord at Napoleon, as follows:
"Send to my partner and me two dozen cream biscuit to Fort Wayne, express prepaid. We need them."
After checking the messagedead head, signed my name, and returned to the waiting-room.
When the operator returned, the Toledo office, whose duty it was to transfer the message to Napoleon, called him up and asked who Johnston was; and wanted to know further, why his message should be dead-headed. The operator answered that he knew nothing about it, and didn't think it was his business to inquire into other people's affairs. They told him he had better wake up and know what he was doing; and said it was his duty to collect pay for messages, and not send them for nothing. I listened attentively to what passed between them; but finally our side won by his saying that he wanted them to understand he was running that office himself, and needed no advice.
The next day after reaching Fort Wayne, we received a letter from the landlord, in which he stated that it would be impossible for him to sendcream biscuit by express, but said: "Please find enclosed the recipe for making them." We gladly accepted it, and had the pastry cooks at different hotels make them for us, which greatly pleased every one else who partook of them, besides ourselves. Later on, I made use of the recipe by presenting it to my aunt, Mrs. Frances E. Owens, and it has long been one of the favorite recipes of Mrs. Owens' Cook Book.
From Fort Wayne we went back through Ohio and stopped at Findlay, where, just as we were about to close a trade, I received a letter from the patentee saying he had bargained to sell out all his right to one man, and requested me to return the papers at once, and not to make another sale under any circumstances.
I complied with his request. The next day we met on the streets of Findlay a gentleman having a sample band-cutter—an attachment for a two-tined fork, to be used when threshing.
The man who pitched the bundles from the stack to the machine cut the bands on each bundle at the same time he pitched them. This had just been patented, and he was anxious to have us take the agency for the United States. We concluded to do so, and went to a lawyer's officeand fixed up a Power of Attorney for the whole United States from him to me.
Profiting from my experience in losing a good sale, as just related, I had the following clause added: "This Power of Attorney is revocable upon thirty days notice from the said patentee."
The attorney then informed me that according to the United States laws we would be compelled to have our Power of Attorney recorded at Washington, D. C. We therefore sent it on for that purpose, with instructions to the Recorder to mail it to Fort Wayne, Ind., as soon as possible.
On our way back to Fort Wayne we stopped off at Lima one day, and at that place had our valise stolen from the depot. It contained all the shirts and collars and cuffs belonging to both of us, except those we had on, besides other articles of value to us.
This left us in hard luck, as we had only about money enough to buy each of us another shirt, a box of paper collars and cuffs, and some cheap socks upon arrival at Fort Wayne.
It was economy to wear paper, so as to lighten our laundry bills.
Another exceedingly bad feature of our loss was the absence of a piece of baggage to help convince the landlord of our responsibility.
However, we ventured to a very respectable hotel, where we engaged a first-class room, and waited patiently for the return of our Power of Attorney from Washington. The landlord was a very pleasant, agreeable gentleman, quite suitable to our convenience. We made it as pleasant as possible for him. A stranger might easily have mistaken one of us for the proprietor and him for the guest.
By telling innumerable good stories, and constantly reminding him of his excellent qualities as a hotel-keeper, and the wide reputation he bore as such, we managed to "hold him down," as we termed it, very satisfactorily.
In the meantime we were constantly on the alert for some one who would like to speculate, so we could make a deal without delay, after the arrival of our papers from Washington. After being there about three days, we concluded to change shirts, which brought our new ones into requisition. We then sent the ones we took off to a washerwoman, a few doors away. These we left with her until obliged to make another change. When that time came, three or four days later, we were at our wits' end to know how to get possession of the clean ones, as we were completely stranded.
We held a consultation, and almost every imaginable scheme suggested itself. At last we hit upon one that seemed feasible.
A bright young boot-black frequented the hotel corner, and had taken quite a fancy to us, and given us an occasional complimentary shine.
We asked him to our room, and informing him that we had a great plot that needed his assistance, we required him to make an oath never to "give it away," nor to betray us in any way, shape, form or manner. He agreed to swear.
I then procured a Bible from the landlord, and "the kid," as we called him, placed his left hand on the Book, and raised his right, as I administered the oath.
He swore by all the Gods in Israel, and all the people in Indiana, that he would be true to his trust.
Frank and I then took off our shirts, and wrapping them in paper, informed "the kid" of our predicament, and of the fact that we would be obliged to remain shirtless in our room while he took the bundle to the washerwoman and left them as security for the laundered, without money and without price.
We gave him special instructions, just how to manipulate matters in order to be successful.
He said: "Oh, what cher giv'n us? Don't yer s'pose I know how to 'fake de ole hen'?"
He scampered off, and returned very shortly with our laundry, when we hastened to make our toilet for the six o'clock dinner.
We expected our papers from Washington inside of ten days from the time we sent them. In this we were disappointed, and were compelled, to use "the kid" several times to carry out "de exchange act" "wid de ole hen," as he called it.
After repeating it several times, he came in one evening very much excited, and said:
"Yer can bet yer life it was by de skin o' my teeth I ever collar'd der wash dis time. De ole gal's gittin' dead on, an' says if de gemmen are such big-bugs dey better settle; but I gin' her a great song an' dance, an' squeared her up."
We asked if he had any idea she would stand another deal of that kind.
"Yer can bet I'll fix 'er," he replied.
Frank then said: "Well, you young rascal, you can bet you'd better 'fix 'er.' Don't you ever be guilty of leaving the dirty shirts unless you get the clean ones in their stead. If you ever come back here without any shirts, I'll throw you out this window, as sure as you're a live kid."
The next Saturday, late in the afternoon, we called "the kid" in to do "the exchange act" again. We gave him some special instructions, desiring him to distinctly understand that it wouldn't be healthy for him to venture back to us without two shirts of some kind.
He didn't seem to have the same assurance and confidence as usual, but said "he'd fix 'er." We remained in our room, sitting on the bed without shirts about the usual length of time, when, "the kid" not returning, we began to feel a little shaky.
Directly the door flew open, and in came the chambermaid, and rushed to the commode with clean towels. We had forgotten to lock the door. Frank, with his fund of ready wit, instantly jumped to the floor, and sang out: "Well, put on your gloves again; I'll try you one more round before supper!"
When the door closed on us we had a good laugh, as we had frequently indulged in, when sitting there in that awkward, shirtless, expectant predicament.
Our laugh, although hearty, was of short duration, for we suddenly became serious and anxious about the return of "the kid." An hour passed and no kid, and—still worse—no shirts.
We walked the floor, opened the door and looked towards the stair-way, then raised the window curtain and peeked out upon the street, hoping to get a glimpse of him.
Another half hour passed, and no "kid." We imagined everything that could have befallen him.
Two hours passed; another half hour—and we had been imprisoned two hours and-a-half—and it was now about supper time.
A few moments later I opened the door, and looking towards the stair-way, discovered "the kid," leaning over the bannister, gazing vacantly in the direction of our room.
I yelled:
"Come here, kid! For Heaven's sake, what's up?"
"Yer never'll git me inter de room, ter be pitched out de winder," he replied.
"No, no," we said, "come in; come in and explain. We won't harm you. Come in."
He then ventured in, very cautiously, and explained:
"Well, sir gemmen, de ole gal nailed 'em all, spite of eb'ry ting I could do; she got de whole shootin' match, and I didn't know whedder to come back or not."
"Heavens and earth! Frank; what are we going to do now?" I asked.
HEAVENS AND EARTH! FRANK; WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW?
"Well," said he, "this has been a great scheme of yours. That's a great head, yours. Guess we're stuck for good, this time."
"The kid" said he guessed he'd have to go to supper.
We told him we guessed he'd not go to supper till he got us out of that shirt scrape. "Remember your oath, you young hyena," I said.
He answered: "That's so; guess I'll have to go without my supper, to-night."
At last, after many schemes had been devised and rejected, we hit upon one that helped us out. We demanded of "the kid" that he take off his shirt; and after donning his coat and vest, instructed him to throw back his coat-collar, and go down street to some furnishing-goods dealer, and either beg, or buy on credit, a shirt. We began telling him what to say, when he headed us off with:
"Oh, whatcher givin' us? I guess I know how ter give 'em der stiff," and started.
He called on several dealers; and after giving "De song and dance," finally made a raise of a new shirt.
We asked what the man said when he called for such a large size?
"Oh, de ole hoosier neber tumbled at all, but just planked 'er out, and said: 'If yer eber git any money, come an' pay fer it.'"
We asked if he thought he could manage to get another one in the same way.
He said he was afraid to try, because an officer was going to run him in "'cause he hadn't any shirt on, and looked so tough."
I then donned the shirt, also a paper collar and cuffs, and went down to supper, leaving Frank to silent meditation.
After eating, I returned to the room, took off the shirt, and Frank put it on and went to supper, while I remained and did the meditation act.
He staid away more than two hours, which worried me considerably.
I wondered what upon earth had become of him, but felt certain he was too true a friend to abscond with my half of the shirt.
Even if it wasn't paid for, I knew by right that I ownedhalf of that shirt.
When he did return he brought good news.
He had spent over an hour with a furnishing-goods dealer, "squaring him up" so as to buy some things on credit.
When asked with what luck, he answered:
"Well, I ordered six shirts, six pairs of socks, two dozen linen collars, one dozen pairs linen cuffs, and one dozen handkerchiefs, with instructions to send them to the hotel office, and Mr. Johnston would send them a check in a day or two," and added that the goods would be delivered that evening.
"But, Frank," I said, "you will get us into trouble. How can we fix the check business? You know I can't send them one. It'll make us trouble, sure."
"Very well, it can't make us any worse trouble than we are having. As for myself, I'd rather go to jail with a shirt on, than to sit here in this dingy, gloomy old room half of my time without any."
"Yes," I said, "that's so. I'd rather go on the chain-gang for thirty days, than go through another such an ordeal as this."
The goods were not sent as promised, and we spent a very restless night.
I dreamed of arriving home without any shirt on, and in my dream heard my mother's voice saying: "Well, I am really glad you reached home with your pants on," while Mr. Keefer remarked: "It does beat the d——l!"
Frank dreamed he was in attendance at a swell entertainment, and suddenly discovered the absence of his shirt.
I insisted that Frank should not sleep in the shirt, in order to keep it clean as long as possible, and to keep peace he laid it off when retiring. In the morning I was the first one up, and proceeded to put it on.
As I was passing through the hall on my way to breakfast, I met the chambermaid. She smiled and asked if we made a practice of sparring every day.
I replied: "We always take our regular exercises."
She said: "How nice it is to be rich. Just see how much pleasure you gentlemen take in your every-day amusements, while people like us have to work hard, and never have any pleasure."
I told her that we always had great times, wherever we were. She said she guessed that was so.
After breakfast I returned to the room, and let Frank have the shirt to wear to breakfast; after which he came in with a large package containing his order.
I lost no time in getting into a shirt, and, infact, to tell the truth, we each put on three shirts, for fear that some unforeseen accident might occur. I might also add that we resolved when we put those shirts on, that no outside one should ever be taken off unless it was actuallysoiled.
The old adage, "Misfortunes never come singly," was well illustrated in our case; for before night I was interviewed by the landlord in quite an unexpected manner. While standing near the wash-room he came rushing up to me, and calling me to one side, said:
"Johnston, I want to ask a little favor of you."
"Very well, landlord; I'll be glad to grant it, if I can. What is it?"
"Well, I want to ask you to loan me twenty-five dollars for just two days, and I will——"
"Well, landlord," I interrupted, "I'd let you have it, but——"
"Well, now, look here, Johnston, don't think I am dunning you,—don't think I am afraid of you," he hurriedly explained.
"Oh, no," said I. "I understand that, landlord, but I'll tell you how it is; you see——"
"Don't think I am dunning you, Johnston, don't think that, for I'll hand it right back to you in a day or two," he again assured me.
"That's all right," I said, "that's all right. I was going to say, I'd let you have it in a minute, if I had it; but I haven't got it."
"Well! how much have you?" He asked in a much-surprised manner.
"I'll tell you all about it," I answered. "When we arrived here, nearly six weeks ago, we had about two dollars left, after buying each of us a shirt; and I don't think we have over twenty cents between us, just at present."
He gazed at me in silence for a moment, and then said:
"What on earth am I going to do?"
"Well, indeed, I don't know; but perhaps you can borrow it from some friend of yours; at any rate, it won't do any harm to try."
"No, but, I mean what am I going to do about your board bill?"
"Oh, I see. Oh, well, landlord, you needn't worry about that. We are well pleased with your accommodations, and haven't the slightest thought of quitting you."
"Yes; but the longer you stay the worse I am off," said he.
"Well, I can't see how you make that out. The longer we stay the more we will owe you."
"Exactly so, and that's where the trouble lies."
"Well, the more we owe you the more you will have coming," I suggested; "and I'll just say this: That we have been traveling over a large scope of country, and yours is one of the best hotels we have ever stopped at; and I'll give you my word as a gentleman that we'll never leave till our bill is settled."
"But, —— it!" He ejaculated. "I tell you the longer you stay the worse I am off, and the harder it will be to settle."
"But," said I, "you don't understand the nature of our business. If you did you would know that it would be as easy for us to pay a large bill as a small one." I then added:
"Rest assured, landlord, that until this bill is paid in full—one hundred cents on the dollar—you can always count on two Star boarders."
We then stared at each other for about two minutes, when he began to laugh, and said:
"Well, you're a dandy! Come and take a drink."
"No, thank you; I never drink."
"Take a cigar, then."
"I never smoke, landlord."
"Well, what on earth do you do? I'd like toshow my appreciation of the style of man you are, by treating or doing something to please you."
"Then I'll tell you what you can do, landlord; while you are out borrowing the twenty-five dollars, suppose you make it about forty, and let us have the fifteen to settle up our wash bill, and pay a little bill we owe across the road."
And to show him the necessity of helping us out, I plainly told him the facts about how we had been getting our laundry, and our experience of the previous day.
He laughed till he fell on the floor; and then took me to his wife's apartments and asked me to relate the circumstances to her two lady friends.
He borrowed the fifteen dollars for us, and said we should make ourselves comfortable, which we were glad to do. We then relieved ourselves of the two extra shirts each, and again settled down to business.
Our papers at last arrived from Washington, and we began closing up a few trades we had been working up. They were mostly small ones, however, and usually for collaterals which we were obliged to convert into money at a sacrifice.
Finally we dealt for a horse and carriage, which was turned over to the landlord as settlement for board, and which he was just then in need of. After paying back the fifteen dollars he had loaned us, we took our departure.
OUR VISIT TO LA GRANGE, IND.—TRADED FOR A HORSE—FOLLOWED BY AN OFFICER, WITH A WRIT OF REPLEVIN—PUTTING HIM ON THE WRONG SCENT—HIS RETURN TO THE HOTEL—THE HORSE CAPTURED—BROKE AGAIN—HOW I MADE A RAISE.
OUR VISIT TO LA GRANGE, IND.—TRADED FOR A HORSE—FOLLOWED BY AN OFFICER, WITH A WRIT OF REPLEVIN—PUTTING HIM ON THE WRONG SCENT—HIS RETURN TO THE HOTEL—THE HORSE CAPTURED—BROKE AGAIN—HOW I MADE A RAISE.
Our next trade was made near La Grange, Ind., with a man by the name of Dodge. I remember the name on account of having read an article in a Sturgis, Mich., paper, wherein it stated that two patent-right men had recently dodged into La Grange, and after dodging around Mr. Dodge had dodged him out of a valuable horse, with which they dodged over to Michigan. This statement was perhaps correct enough, with the exception of its reference to our dodging over into Michigan, as though we did it to evade the Indiana laws. This was by no means the case, for we were authorized agents for the patentee, and always did a strictly legitimate business, even if we were, at times, "a little short financially."
We took the horse over to Sturgis to try and sell him, stopping at the Elliott House. Mr. Elliott, Proprietor, has since become one of my most intimate friends, and is now running a hotel at Ludington, Michigan.
As we were sitting out in front of the Hotel, talking, one morning, I noticed a stranger coming towards us, carrying a pitch-fork and band-cutter in one hand, and in the other a large paper.
Mr. Elliott remarked:
"There comes Mr. Dodge's son, now. Guess he is going out peddling your patent."
I "supposed so."
This was not the case, however, for as he stepped up to Mr. Elliott he inquired for Johnston, and when I was pointed out to him he made a tender of the deed and model, and demanded the horse in turn.
I of course refused, whereupon he threatened to replevy, and at once returned to his lawyer's office.
At that moment a lawyer came up where we were, and Mr. Elliott helped me to lay the case before him as quickly and plainly as possible, when he advised that the best way for me, was toget the horse out of the county, where their papers would be of no avail. I immediately saddled the animal and started towards Branch County, taking a rather circuitous route for Burr Oak. I took dinner at Fawn River, with a Mr. Buck, an old acquaintance of my "mother-in-law."
Of course "mother-in-law" acquaintances were just as good as any, at this stage of the game. I rode into Burr Oak just at dark, supposing it to be in Branch County. After registering at the hotel and putting my horse out, I took supper; and then began looking about for a buyer. I very soon discovered that I was being shadowed, by a gentleman wearing a wooden leg.
A WILY DETECTIVE ON THE WRONG SCENT
Upon inquiry, I learned that he was the Honorable Marshal of the town. To note his manner one would have thought that he had corralled a Jesse James. I didn't worry much, however, because I knew I could out-run any wooden-legged man in Michigan.
I then went over to the telegraph office and introduced myself to its occupant as a brother operator. He invited me inside the office, and asked me to make myself at home.
A few moments later the ten-o'clock trainarrived from the west, and immediately after its departure the operator said he would have to go down the track and attend to his switch-light, and requested me to remain there till he returned.
During his absence a gentleman came to the office window, and very excitedly inquired if I was the operator. I said:
"Don't I look like one? What can I do for you, sir?"
"Well, see here: Has there been a young fellow here this evening by the name of Johnston, sending messages to his wife, or to any one else?"
"Yes, sir, he was telling me about a patent-right trade he had made for a horse. Guess he told me all about it."
"Where is he now, I wonder?" was his next query.
"Come with me. I'll show you right where to find him."
I then led the way up street, and in the meantime questioned him as to his business. He said he wanted to serve a writ of replevin and take the horse. I then asked if he had papers that would do for Branch County. He said he didn't need Branch County papers, as Burr Oak was in St. Joseph County.
This was most depressing news to me; but I walked along till I came to a street running north, when I stopped, and pointing in that direction, said:
"Now you go to the very last house on the left-hand side of this street, and inquire for Johnston. If they say he isn't there, you force your way into the house. Don't leave till you get in; and there's no one here who wouldn't be only too glad to see that family come up with by a good sharp detective. Now don't fail to get in, for there you will find your man."
He thanked me several times, and after shaking hands with me, started on the run.
I then hurried to the hotel and ordered my horse, which the landlord refused to let me have, saying that notice had been served on him to keep it locked up.
I sat down to await the coming of the great detective.
THE WILY DETECTIVE'S RETURN TO THE HOTEL
He soon made his appearance, and more resembled a tramp than the polished official of a few moments before. It was plainly evident to me that he had made a desperate attempt to follow my instructions. One-half of the skirt of his Prince Albert coat was entirely missing; no hat,a piece torn from the seat of his pants, only half of his linen collar left to grace his neck, and a single linen cuff to decorate his two wrists; one sleeve of his coat in rags, one of his pant legs fringed out, the perspiration running off him like rain-water, and one eye closed. He came in panting and puffing and roaring like a lion.
"Find me a Justice of the Peace, at once! I'll arrest the whole gang!"
"Arrest what gang? Who are you alluding to?" asked the landlord.
"Why, that gang up north here. I'll arrest the whole mob, and shoot that dog if I get killed for it!"
"Well, I supposed you were looking for Johnston?"
"Well, so I am; but they have him down there stowed away, and a whole regiment of soldiers wouldn't be able to get in, unless that dog is put out of the way. And that pesky old woman looks more like the devil than a human being. I wouldn't venture back there alone for the whole north half of Michigan!"
"But isn't this the man you want?" pointing to me.
"The devil, no. What do I want of thetelegraph operator? I want Johnston, but I'd give more for that —— old woman's scalp and that dog's life than I would for a dozen Johnstons and all the horses in the state, and I——"
"But," interrupted the landlord, "this isn't the operator; this is Johnston,—or at least, he's the man who rode the horse here."
"The dickens he is!" shrieked the officer. "This is the man who sent me up there, and—"
"Did you get in?" I asked, insinuatingly.
"Get in? I want you to understand this is no joke, sir!" said he, as he came towards me in a threatening manner. "And if you're Johnston you ought to have your heart cut out. Look at me, look at me, sir: Do you think there is anything funny about this?"
"Well, I thought I'd give you a little sharp detective work to do before capturing my horse, so you would have something wonderful to relate when you arrived home."
"Then you're the man I want, are you?"
"Yes, sir, I suppose I am; but really, my friend, I didn't suppose you were going to lose all your clothes, and get completely knocked out and so thoroughly demoralized. How did it all happen?"
"Oh, you're too —— funny! It's none of your —— business how it all happened. I'll get even with you. I'm sorry I haven't a warrant for your arrest, instead of a writ of replevin for a horse, —— you!"
"See here; don't you —— me, sir, or I'll finish you up right here, in less than one minute!"
He then quieted down, and after serving the writ, took possession of the horse, before leaving for Sturgis. However, he spent nearly an hour in mending his clothes, patching up his nose and face, and dressing the slight flesh-wounds on his hands and arms, after which he borrowed a hat, and as I supposed, returned to Sturgis with the horse.
I remained over night at the hotel, although I was completely stranded, and wondered what I should do to make a raise. I realized fully that I would be obliged to lose several days' valuable time were I to remain there to contest the ownership of the horse, as return day had been set six days ahead. Hence I considered it folly to lose so much time for the value of a horse.
The next morning I arose early, and after breakfast began to search for an opportunity to make a few dollars.
I happened into a drug store and entering into conversation with the proprietor found him a very agreeable gentleman and explained to him that I was a "little short," and inquired if he had any patent medicines, pills, or anything in that line that a good salesman could handle. He replied that the only thing he had was about a gallon of lemon extract which he had made himself from a recipe he had been foolish enough to pay ten dollars for, and had never yet sold ten cents' worth of the stuff.
I asked to see it and on tasting it found an excellent article. I then asked if he would let me take the glass jar and a small graduate to measure it with, and he said: "Certainly."
With the flavoring extract and measure I started for a general canvass, going from house to house and introducing "The finest grade of lemon extract, twenty-five cents per ounce or five ounces for one dollar."
Each purchaser must furnish her own bottle to hold it.
I returned at noon with seven dollars sixty cents, when I took the balance of the dope back to the druggist and asked how much I owed him. He said:
"Well, I'll tell you, I'd like to sell the whole of it out to you. I'll take fifty cents and you own all the flavoring extract there is left, and I'll sell you the jar and graduate cheap if you want them."
"All right sir," handing over the fifty cents, "I'll return after dinner and try it again."
This little experience about convinced me that there was more money in that business than in patent rights.
As I was on my way to the hotel I met a man with a small flour-sifter for the sale of which he was acting as general agent in appointing sub-agents.
I asked his terms.
He said he required each new agent to buy four hundred sifters at twenty-five cents each, which he could retail for fifty cents. Unless a man could buy this number he could not have agency.
After dinner I started out again with the flavoring extract. At the third house I entered, an old gentleman asked if I could get him the agency for it. He said it wasn't necessary for him to do anything of the kind, as he owned a nice home and a small farm and had some moneyon interest, but he didn't like to spend his time in idleness. I told him that our house had no vacancies, but I could intercede in his behalf in making him an agent for a patent flour-sifter.
He asked what terms he could make. I told him they retailed for fifty cents each, but in order to secure the exclusive sale in his town he would have to pay the regular retail price for the first four hundred, after which he could have all he wanted at half that price.
He said he wouldn't care to invest more than one hundred dollars anyhow, and expressed a desire to see one of them.
"Well," said I, "I am always glad to do a man a favor, and I will run down town and bring one up to you."
I went immediately to where the gentleman was unpacking his sifters, and asked if he would be willing to sell two hundred and give the exclusive sale.
He refused to do so, and I saw there was little use in trying to persuade him, when I explained the nature of my case.
He said it wouldn't pay him to sell so few.
"Then I'll tell you what I'll do," said I. "You see if I was to sell two hundred at the price Ihave quoted, I'd make fifty dollars. Now if you will let me make the sale I'll give you half of my profits."
He agreed, and I returned to my victim and put the deal through in less than an hour, and pocketed twenty-five dollars—my share of the profits. I then returned at once to my flavoring extract and sold over three dollars' worth that afternoon, making a clear profit of thirty-five dollars for my day's work.
I then joined Frank at Sturgis, and after settling up our affairs there, he left for Ohio with the understanding that I would meet him at Elmore three days later.
ARRIVING AT ELMORE, OHIO, STRANDED—RECEIVING EIGHT DOLLARS ON A PATENT-RIGHT SALE—DUNNED IN ADVANCE BY THE LANDLORD—CHANGING HOTELS—MY VISIT TO FREMONT—MEETING MR. KEEFER AND BORROWING MONEY—OUR VISIT TO FINDLAY—A BIG DEAL—LOSING MONEY IN WHEAT—FOLLOWED BY OFFICERS WITH A WRIT OF REPLEVIN—OUTWITTING THEM—A FOUR-MILE CHASE—HIDING OUR RIG IN A CELLAR.
ARRIVING AT ELMORE, OHIO, STRANDED—RECEIVING EIGHT DOLLARS ON A PATENT-RIGHT SALE—DUNNED IN ADVANCE BY THE LANDLORD—CHANGING HOTELS—MY VISIT TO FREMONT—MEETING MR. KEEFER AND BORROWING MONEY—OUR VISIT TO FINDLAY—A BIG DEAL—LOSING MONEY IN WHEAT—FOLLOWED BY OFFICERS WITH A WRIT OF REPLEVIN—OUTWITTING THEM—A FOUR-MILE CHASE—HIDING OUR RIG IN A CELLAR.
I stopped at Bronson, where my wife and boy were visiting her people and in a couple of days we all started for Elmore, where we arrived bag and baggage without a cent.
My wife said she couldn't see why I should want her to accompany me when I was meeting with such poor success. I explained that it would possibly come very handy to have her Saratoga trunk along occasionally to help satisfy the landlords of our responsibility.
"O, I see you want to sort of pawn us, occasionally for hotel bills, don't you?"
"Well, yes," I answered, "it might be convenient to do so should we get cornered."
She said she didn't think she cared to be detained for hotel bills.
"Well, you wouldn't see a fellow starve would you?"
"No," she replied, "but if ever wearepawned I want you to try and redeem us as soon as possible."
We took quarters at one of the best hotels, and the next day after our arrival a young man came there selling ornamental stove-pipe hole covers made of plaster of paris.
I made his acquaintance at once and learned that he was from Battle Creek, Mich., where his father resided and owned a good property.
I asked his reason for engaging in that business. He said his father suggested it so that he would gain experience.
"Oh, I see, you are looking for experience."
"Yes, that's what I want."
"Well sir," I said, "you are in a poor business to get experience. You ought to get into the business I am in if you want experience."
"What is your business?" he asked. I then introduced my model and explained its merits.
He said he would like Calhoun County, Mich., and asked the price. I looked the map over and set the price at one hundred and fifty dollars. He said he would like it, but hadn't money enough.
I asked how much he had.
After counting what he had he said eight dollars was all he could spare.
"Well, I will take the eight dollars and your note for one hundred and forty-two dollars, payable three months after date."
He agreed, and I made out the papers, receiving the cash and note.
This amount of money, though small, came just in the nick of time, because of the Saratoga-trunk scheme not proving a success. In less than one hour after I had made the deal, the landlord asked me to pay in advance. I immediately flew into a rage and demanded him to make out my bill for what we had had and receipt it in full, which he did, and I paid it with a flourish and with the air of a millionaire!
There was another hotel just across the street, and when our landlord happened to step out in front of his house and I noticed the landlord ofthe opposite house also standing outside of his door I at once took advantage of the situation and began to abuse my landlord at a terrible rate for his impertinence and cussed meanness and gave him to distinctly understand that he would lose boarders by the means.
I then called on the other landlord and explained how his competitor had shown his narrow ideas of running a hotel and how quickly he secured his pay after demanding it and then asked if he could give us accommodations. He said he could, and we moved at once.
The new proprietor proved to be our kind of a landlord. The next day Frank, who had stopped off at Toledo, came on and joined us.
We left my family there and went over to Fremont, where by accident we met Mr. Keefer and my mother.
They asked how we were progressing.
I explained everything and "just how it all happened."
My mother said she thought we had done splendidly. Mr. Keefer said: "It did beat the d——l."
I then called him one side and began negotiations for a hundred-dollar loan.
He explained that he was absolutely hard up, but would be glad to help me if he could.
I then reminded him that his signature at the bank would be all that was needed.
"Well," said he, "I believe you will come out all right some day, and I guess I'll sign with you if you think you can meet it."
We stepped into the bank and procured the money.
The next day Frank and I went over to Findlay where we met a man selling a patent washing machine. We there succeeded in effecting a trade in our patent, and also found a customer for a large sale on the washing machine, for which the agent paid us liberally.
The two trades netted us thirteen hundred dollars in cash and a fine horse, harness and carriage.
We then drove over to Elmore, where I had left my wife and boy. After leaving her money enough to convince her that she would not be pawned that week we started the next day eastward, stopping at Fremont for supper about six o'clock.
We had traded the State of Illinois in our patent to a gentleman in the lightning-rodbusiness, and that night while walking up street we noticed a large crowd of men standing on the corner talking.
We stepped across the street to see what the excitement was.
On looking over the shoulders of the men we saw our customer, the lightning-rod man, standing there holding his pitchfork in one hand and valise in the other. We were about to crowd in when we heard him say:
"Well, if I can find them I shall have them arrested and replevin the horse."
Frank and I then held a short consultation. Our first idea was to go to him and ascertain what he meant by saying he would arrest us. We felt certain we had violated no law, or at least had no intention of doing so. But after reconsidering the matter we concluded that he was simply a "squealer," and as we had made a square, fair trade with him we decided to let him find us instead of our looking for him.
Our experience of a few days before with the writ of replevin had been a very good lesson. We didn't consider it worth while to deliberately turn our stock over to "squealers," when they were taking so much pains to hunt us up, andespecially when we stopped to realize that in dealing with a lightning-rod man it was simply a case of "diamond cut diamond." We therefore started East that evening, arriving at Cleveland a few days later.
On reading the late daily papers which we always made a practice of doing, we found several long articles about two men visiting Findlay with a patent right and how they had taken a handsome horse and carriage and several thousand dollars in cash for which they gave worthless deeds.
We also read a full description of ourselves and the horse and buggy and that a liberal reward would be paid for our capture and return to Findlay.
We were at a loss to understand the meaning of all this, and called on one of the best lawyers in Cleveland and paid him ten dollars to examine our Power of Attorney.
He pronounced it perfect, and said we had complied with the law in having it recorded, in our method of deeding, and in every other respect; and said that the patentee was powerless to annul the Power of Attorney, except by giving me thirty days' notice.
We then concluded to give them a good chase, before giving up the horse and carriage; for though they had spent considerable money in trying to capture us, we realized that the horse and buggy were all we had to look out for, so far as concerned any loss.
We stopped at a first-class hotel, and enjoyed life hugely.
While there, we met an acquaintance who had been speculating in wheat, and had made a lot of money in a very short time.
He assured us that if we would let him invest a portion of our cash the same as he was intending to invest his own, we would leave Cleveland with a barrel of money. Of course we hadn't thought of scooping it in by the barrel, and the idea rather caught us.
Neither Frank nor myself had the slightest conception of the method of speculating in that way. And to this day, I am still as ignorant as then regarding it, and have no desire to learn it.
Well, we let our friend invest five hundred dollars, and in less than three days he called on us for three hundred more, saying hemusthave it to tide us over. Two days later he announced to us the crushing fact that all was lost! His cash as well as ours.
He then began urging us to try it once more. Anxious to get back what we had lost, we needed but little persuasion; and in less than one week found ourselves about cleaned out. We had speculated all we cared to; and after settling up with the landlord, started west again with the horse and buggy, to continue our patent-right business.
Wherever we stopped, we imagined every time we saw a person approaching us, that it was an officer with papers for our arrest, or a writ of replevin for the horse and carriage. We cared more for the writ than we did for the arrest, as we had by this time posted ourselves as to the trouble and annoyance it would cause us to allow them to get possession of the rig. Besides, it had already become a question whether we would out-general them or they us.
We realized that their reasons, whatever they were, for demanding our arrest, were groundless. So our only desire was to sell the whole outfit at a good figure.
It would have paid us better in every way to have turned it over to the men we had traded with, and to have come to an understanding with them; but we were too anxious to win, in the race we had begun.
We had a great scare and narrow escape, at a small inland town where we stopped just at dusk, intending to remain over night.
While sitting in front of the hotel, about nine o'clock that evening, several gentlemen scrutinized us very sharply as they passed by. Among them happened to be an old friend whom we had known at Clyde. He asked what we had been doing that the authorities had a right to arrest us, adding that two men were at that very moment looking up an officer for that purpose.
We gave immediate orders for our horse to be hitched up, and hastily informed our friend of the facts. He said there must be some reason for the Findlay authorities wanting us, as they had offered a reward of a hundred dollars for us, and twenty-five for the horse and buggy.
We started west at a rapid gait.
It was a beautiful moonlight night, and we had not traveled far till we saw coming after us two men on horseback, riding rapidly. We drove but a few rods farther when we came to a steep hill, at the bottom of which was a cross-road extending in both directions through the woods, and a large bridge crossing a river just west of the road-crossing. We drove down theembankment and under the bridge into the river, and there awaited the coming of the two men. They stopped on the bridge, and there held a consultation We heard one of them say:
"I wonder which way the devils went, anyhow?"
"Well," the other remarked, "they are traveling west, and it's quite likely they have crossed the bridge."
Just as they were about to start again our horse pawed in the water, and at once attracted their attention.