[A]"Christianity's Challenge," by Rev. Dr. Herrick Johnson, American Tract Society, 269 pages, price $1.00.
[A]"Christianity's Challenge," by Rev. Dr. Herrick Johnson, American Tract Society, 269 pages, price $1.00.
[B]"A Square Talk to Young Men," 94 pages, price 50 cents, by H. L. Hastings, Scriptural Tract Repository, Boston, Mass., 49 Cornhill street.
[B]"A Square Talk to Young Men," 94 pages, price 50 cents, by H. L. Hastings, Scriptural Tract Repository, Boston, Mass., 49 Cornhill street.
[C]The Anti-Infidel Library in tract form, 5 cents each, by H. L. Hastings, Scriptural Tract Repository, 49 Cornhill street, Boston, Mass.
[C]The Anti-Infidel Library in tract form, 5 cents each, by H. L. Hastings, Scriptural Tract Repository, 49 Cornhill street, Boston, Mass.
Beforea ship sails from port with its valuable cargo of goods and its priceless freightage of life, they do what is called "boxing the compass." Naturally the compass would point to the true north, but because of the character of the cargo the needle may be diverted from the true north. To discover whether such local influences exist, they test and correct the compass. The deviation from the true north might be very slight, and in a very short voyage the error might not result in serious consequences, but the interests involved are too momentous to permit of any risk. Before entering upon the new voyage of married life it is essential, for the purity and safety of the two who enter upon it, and also for the well-being of the other lives which may subsequently be added to the family, that the principles by which husband and wife are to be guided should be carefully examined, that errors may be discovered and corrected, for the wrecking of a ship is of less moment than the wrecking of human lives, for these involve not only temporal, but eternal destinies.
The false impressions which young people oftentimes get is due to the general absence of truthfulness upon the part of older and moreexperienced persons in their conversations upon the subject of the sexual relation. Notwithstanding the fact that the questions which gather about the subjects of sex are of vast moment, yet these subjects have been so little written or spoken about in a pure and reverent way that, for the most part, pure-minded and honest people have banished the subject from the round of ordinary conversation. This abandonment of a sacred subject by the pure and truthful has resulted in the general ignorance and prevailing errors. Among the vile and impure the subject is much talked of, and because of the lack of correct knowledge, statements of the most exaggerated, unreasonable and oftentimes impossible are generally accepted as veritable truth. In dealing both with themselves and others, men are more deceitful and untruthful upon this subject than perhaps upon any other. It is because of these facts that the young and inexperienced so often form the most exaggerated and unreliable opinions upon subjects relating to the relation of the sexes.
That we may the better understand the whole question of the sexual relation it may be well to study the reproductive life of plants and the lower forms of animal life. The knowledge of the lessons they have to teach may prove a profitable subject for thoughtful consideration and lead to valuable conclusions for guidance in the relation between husband and wife.
If with our desire to start with one of thelowest forms of life we go to the pond and run our finger under the green scum which floats upon its surface, we will find one of the simplest forms of vegetable growth, known as spirogyra. The innumerable threads of green are quite like hairs that lie side by side, in close proximity but not in contact. Under the microscope each of these green threads is composed of long tube-like cells, placed end to end and forming a continuous growth. Under the microscope they very much resemble what in country districts is called bullrushes, or the different sections of a bamboo walking-stick or fishing-rod.
In the spring days, when this growth of green approaches its maturity, it arrives at that mysterious time when the future urgently appeals to it, when each cell feels a strange and irresistible attraction to its neighbor cell. Each reaches out toward the other until a contact is formed, a perfect union is effected, a new germ is created, and the old cells are left lifeless and perish. The union which results in the production of the fertilized seed, in which abides the spirogyra of another springtime, while its beginning costs the life of the parent plant, the verdure that lived in the green scum has passed away, the new germs fall to the bottom of the pond, where, through the drought of summer or the ice and cold of winter, they abide in the sure resurrection of that new life which is to come with the returning springtime.
In the higher forms of life similar illustrations of the great parental sacrifice involved in theact of reproduction are frequently found. This is specially seen among the fishes. During the reproductive weeks life speeds along with great intensity. Under the flow of that larger vitality which greatly quickens and augments certain parts of the organism, the fish increase in size, every part seems to attain its perfection and beauty, and the parent fishes yield themselves, to a reproductive impulse thatprovesfatal to millions of them. After a cod has expelled its million or more of eggs there is not much left of its own body. There is diminished vitality in every part. The male loses his appetite. Great physical changes result. The skin which covers his shrunken body changes in color, his nature becomes irritable and resentful, and he indulges in fierce combats with his fellows.
The fatigue attendant upon the long journeys undertaken by the salmon during the spawning season and the exhausting effects of the fertilizing effort are so great that few survive the trying ordeal. The same results are practically true with regard to the shad. Somewhat analogous changes and results occur with the female, but they are less marked and less destructive. The male is characterized by a more intense activity, while her more quiet nature is her greater safeguard.
The exhaustive and often fatal effects of the reproductive act are very manifest in insect life. Among the insects the reproductive act of the male seems to round out the purpose and complete the period of his life. The exhaustive actis oftentimes speedily followed by death. This same fatal termination is also experienced by the female after she has completed the work of developing and depositing the germ in some place suited for its protection and adapted to its eventual development and growth. In many instances the fertilizing principle is transferred from the body of the male to that of the female during flight, and, strange as it may seem, the intromittent organ of the male and the ovipositor of the female develop and continue only for that brief period which is necessary for the transference of the quickening principle and for the depositing of the egg in a place of safety.
The hive with its hundreds of bees affords an interesting illustration of the subject in hand. The male bee is a drone. His only purpose in life seems to be to await the period when the queen bee in her instinctive desire to perpetuate the life of the swarm is ready to receive the sperm-cells from the male. The drone is stingless and helpless. The germ of the queen bee was developed in a special cell, was fed on royal food and tenderly reared. Her office is not only to preside over the destinies of the swarm, but to her alone is assigned the entire work of reproduction. She never leaves the hive but once, and then upon her nuptial flight, accompanied by a male bee. When the wedding journey is over, and the queen bee has received the sperm from the male, his work is done and his destiny is sealed. Death then ensues either by natural laws, or he is stung to death by theworkers, who now regard him as an unnecessary burden upon the gathered stores of the hive.
The queen bee receives the sperm but once, and then, in a mysterious receptacle which Providence has provided, the sperm is stored, and for months, and even for years, for the supply has been known to last for five years, and during this time the millions of eggs which the queen bee lays are each fertilized at will, and, strange to say, her wonderful prolificness does not result in her exhaustion and death, and to prevent this sad result, her hive-mates make it their care that she shall be bountifully nourished with the most sumptuous food.
With the birds, death, as the result of the reproductive act, disappears. The loss which they sustain in reproductive material is comparatively small, yet something of what this costs is manifest by the noticeable changes which take place immediately after they enter upon the mating season. The plumage loses its lustre, the song becomes less frequent and less ecstatic, and the incoming tides of life, which reached their fullness at the period of mating, ebb and recede.
Among the higher forms of animal existence the duration of life is greatly prolonged. The number of the offspring is greatly reduced. The ovum of the female and the sperm of the male become microscopic. The germ of life remains within the body of the mother until it has reached that stage of development which fits it for its independent life in the outer world. The period from conception to birth is greatly prolonged, and the periods of deliverance from the necessity of the reproductive act are alike extended. The higher in the scale the more dependent the offspring, until in the instance of man the offspring is the most helpless and dependent of all. The prolonged dependence of the child upon the care of its parents is calculated to abate the fervor and force of reproductive inclination.
While in man the reproductive act is not the precursor of death, yet it is the premonition of that event and the instinctive effort which nature makes to prevent the extermination of the race.
The inclination to beget descendants is a premonition of the physical dissolution which awaits the individual, and the act itself is always more or less exhaustive to the male, and its results, if too oft repeated, or at periods of brief duration, are disastrous to the female. Notwithstanding these tendencies and results, yet reproduction is the expression of the fullness of physical life and vital force. Its inclination and desire is both normal and necessary, yet it should always be remembered that the increased activity of the reproductive system is secured at the cost of diminished force throughout the remainder of the entire body. No man during the period of the exercise of his reproductive nature is as strong intellectually, physically, or in any other department of his entire being, as during the periods when he issexuallyself-contained, or is resting in the calm of sexual repose.
In the lower forms of life the reproductive flame bursts out into one all-consuming conflagration, exhausting to the male and eventually terminating with fatal results to the female. In man this fire burns with a more steady glow, bursting forth occasionally into more intense activity, and then subsiding, but always vitalizing and giving energy to all his powers, and no man can fan this flame into a continuous conflagration without suffering the most ruinous results and disastrous consequences.
Among the lower forms of life the reproductive inclination of the male recurs at those periods when his mate is in the condition necessary to the procreation of the species. After the act of procreation, the sexual passion in both subsides, and the reproductive function is not again called into exercise until after the intervening weeks or months of repose have passed and nature again responds to the necessity of procreation for the purpose of perpetuating the species. Where the periods of ovulation and fecundity recur at brief intervals in the female, the reproductive nature of the male is in a more continuous state of activity, so that a fruitful union may be secured when the reproductive nature of the female is in readiness; but this by no means indicates any physical necessity or reasonable justification for the constant or even frequent exercise of the reproductive function.
Strict continence is not injurious, either to theunmarried or to the married. Thousands of married men and women are suffering from the effects of excessive sexual indulgence. They drain their physical powers, weaken the intellect, and fail to attain the happiness and grand results which would otherwise be possible to them. All who are familiar with the care of plants know that the best way to preserve their bloom and beauty is to restrain the consummation of the reproductive act. Prevent them from going to seed and the flowers continue to bloom. Remove the anther from the lily and the flower will not fade so soon by several hours. The same is true with the insects. Where they can be prevented from losing their vitalizing sperm they live on beyond the limits of others of their kind who are left free to exercise the privilege of reproduction. An instance is given of a butterfly which continued to live for over two years in a hot-house, while the ordinary period of life to those which exercise the reproductive power complete and end their career in a few short days.
There are times when married people should observe the strictest continence. A state of partial or total intoxication is a just cause for either a husband or wife to deny to the other all marital privileges. Conception at such a time is more than likely to result in the production of idiots or epileptics. The cases on record are too numerous and too well authenticated to admit of doubt in regard to the terrible consequences of conception under such circumstances.
During sickness or convalescence procreation is not only highly injurious to the individual, but at any period before the physical powers have fully regained their most perfect state of health the transmission of life is more than likely to result in the begetting of children who are to be afflicted with mental debility and physical infirmities which shall be so inwrought into the very fibre of their being as to continue through their entire life, utterly beyond the reach of all remedial agents.
We can conceive of no greater wrong that a parent could ignorantly or wilfully inflict upon his unborn offspring than to call them into being at a period when they cannot escape the inheritance of lifelong physical or mental infirmity.
Abstinence from the marital relation in some instances becomes almost absolutely imperative. In the intimate relations of married life the exercise of such self-restraint is not always easy, but it is nevertheless possible. There are well-authenticated instances in the lives of missionaries who have married and immediately gone to climates where conception during the period of acclimation would have resulted fatally who have maintained absolute continence for a period of months and years. We know of an instance where, because of a diseased condition known as vaginismus, the marital relation was attended with such discomfort and pain that for a few years it was only indulged at long intervals, and then totally abandoned, and strictcontinence maintained for a period of twenty years and more.
Nor is strict continence in married life without illustrations of those who have voluntarily chosen it. There are some married people in this country, more numerous than some suppose, who have adopted the idea of uniform continence, and who call the reproductive nature into exercise for the purpose of procreation only, and who assert that the maintenance of continence secures not only greater strength and better health, but greater happiness also.
Thefoundation of marriage and of home can only be built permanently upon the abiding nature of love. Like our own being, love has a twofold nature. Its spiritual part is immortal and unchangeable; its physical part is temporary in purpose and continuance, and is liable to perversion and debasement. The physical may even be permitted to overshadow, debase and quite obliterate the spiritual. In its natural unfolding and manifestation love is very much like the plant that is rooted in the earth while it flowers in the sunlight. The earth and the roots in their relation to each other are essential and even indispensable to the production of the flower, and the flower is alike indispensable to the perpetuity of the plant.
So love has its physical and its spiritual nature. Love is rooted in that unconscious law of our nature which God has enacted for the preservation and perpetuity of human life. "Nothing but a spurious delicacy or an ignorance of facts can prevent our full recognition that love looks to marriage, and marriage to offspring, as a natural sequence." While this is its objective purpose, it yet serves other high ends.
In its twofold nature love ennobles its possessor. It makes him responsive to the love of God upon the one hand and to the love of mankind upon the other. It gives purpose and zest to life, brightens the intellect, quickens the imagination, inspires purpose and imparts physical power. It beautifies and glorifies the individual, and makes him worthy of redemption. "When it is pure and true it unites two souls in bonds of happiness which never chafe, and which become stronger as time passes and the passions become chaste and subdued."
But there is a monstrosity that is known by the same name. The proper name of this monster is lust. It imparts neither beauty nor life. It is like the parasite plant which is not naturally rooted in the earth, but entwines itself about the growing beauty of other plant-life, only to suck out the life-currents from the stem which has lifted it out of the dirt into the sunlight, in return for which its only charity is that it spreads its stolen verdure over the death which it has itself created.
The question of the proper relation of husband and wife in marriage is a difficult one. It is worthy of a volume. The various phases of the subject which crowd upon our mind exceed the limits of a brief chapter. We only regret that we are restricted by limitations beyond which we cannot pass at this present time. Suffice it to say that there are three principal theories with regard to the marital relation. Briefly stated they are as follows:
The first theory assumes that unlimited sexual gratification is essential to the comfort and well-being of the male, and that, whether married or unmarried, he is to seek its gratification, whether lawfully or unlawfully, wherever and whenever he can find an opportunity. It is scarcely necessary to say that this theory is not worthy of the consideration of fair-minded and decent people. It is contrary to the laws of nature, to the laws of God, and to the laws of all civilized nations. The theory is conceived and born of lust. It has been fathered and fostered by the delusions of ignorant people. It is the child of lust and the parent of sensuality. It is disproven by experience and is condemned by the best medical authority in this country and throughout the world. For a discussion of this subject and medical testimony we must refer the reader to "What a Young Man Ought to Know," from page 56 to 67.
The second theory is that in married life the reproductive function is not to be exercised except for the purpose of procreation. While this theory is the opposite extreme of the first, yet it differs from the first in that it has some very strong arguments in its favor. While the results of our investigations do not enable us to assert that it is the true theory, we are yet prepared to say that it is worthy of thoughtful consideration. If it is possible for married people to maintain absolute continence for a period of six months or a year, it must be conceded that it would be possible to extend that time to alonger period. The maintenance of this theory would require such a degree of self-denial and self-control as is far beyond the possession of the great mass of humanity. We fear, also, that there are but few, even if they entered upon a life union with such thought and intention, who would be able to maintain their principles for any considerable period.
The third theory, and that which many men and women who are eminent for their learning and religious life hold to be the correct theory, is, that while no one has a right to enter upon the marriage relation with the fixed purpose of evading the duty of parenthood, yet that procreation is not the only high and holy purpose which God has had in view in establishing the marriage relation, but that the act of sexual congress may be indulged in between husband and wife for the purpose of expressing their mutual affection, augmenting their personal endearments, and for quickening those affections and tender feelings which are calculated to render home the place of blessing and good which God intended.
It is held by those who advocate this theory that while it would be possible to restrict the exercise of the reproductive functions to the single purpose of procreation, yet in the great majority of instances the effort to live by that theory would generally result in marital unhappiness.
It cannot be successfully denied that the perpetuity of the race is the great purpose which God has had in view in instituting marriage.Procreation and the raising up of a family of children cannot under ordinary circumstances be ignored or evaded without serious physical, intellectual, moral and social results. But neither are mutual love, affection, comfort, consolation and support to be ignored without disastrous results. Due regard is not only to be paid to the perpetuity of the race, but to the well-being and perpetuity of the individual. In his book on the Ethics of Marriage Dr. H. F. Pomeroy says: "Physiologically considered, there can be but one end in marriage—the breeding and rearing of a family; but there are various means which conduce to this end by preserving the mental and physical tone and balance of husband and wife, and cultivating in them a union of regard and affection, without which any mere outward union can be but a travesty of marriage. How far it may be proper to exercise the secondary object of marriage it is impossible to state in any general rule, because individual cases vary so greatly; but it is safe to say that the phase of marriage which is so closely allied to its primary object has an important bearing on the health, happiness and harmony of husband and wife, and so may properly be exercised by those who have a proper regard for the primary end of marriage, even when its relation to this end be but indirect, provided such exercise of it be kept within bounds of mental and physical health."
Personally we are strongly inclined to the acceptance of this third theory. But it must begranted that the acceptance of this theory is attended with many considerations which have their serious perplexities. Perhaps the most constant and most serious difficulty is the question involved in the danger of too frequent conception. To regulate this matter many persons resort to criminal methods, which are nothing short of murder: many resort to expedients which are often unsatisfactory in their result and also ruinous to the health or well-being of either the husband or wife, or both, while others adopt less disastrous but equally unsatisfactory and unreliable measures. Some of these methods are criminal, others are injurious, still others uncertain, and all alike unsatisfactory.
Desirable as it might be to enter upon a full discussion of the various questions involved in the consideration of this phase of the subject, yet because of the general prevalence of vicious living and impure thinking we deem it best not to enter upon a discussion which might effect more evil in some pure-minded persons, by suggestion, than it could accomplish in the reforming of the evil practices of the vicious, and we therefore pass this phase of the subject in silence.
The greatest happiness in married life can never be obtained except by the observance of marital moderation. Just what is moderation in the exercise of the reproductive function in married life it would be very difficult to determine and define. What might be moderation for one man, or for one woman, might be the most extravagant excess for another. The husbandmay feel inclined to grant himself such indulgence as would entitle him to be regarded as considerate and as within the bounds of moderation when considered in relation to himself personally, and yet the privileges which he grants himself might be most immoderate and most ruinous for his wife; or in some instances the reverse might be the case—indulgence which might be moderate for his wife might be most excessive for him. No husband or wife can determine what is moderation in their own personal instance until they have duly considered the obligation which they are under to the other, and the effect of the relation, not simply upon himself or herself, but upon the other as well. The principle which must govern every husband or wife who desires to be moderate in the marital relation, is, not to seek to grant themselves the utmost indulgence which will enable them to abide within the limits of individual safety only, but so persistently to exercise the spirit of self-control and self-mastery, that they may attain to those best results which are only possible to those who do not call the reproductive function into exercise at too frequent intervals. No man or woman who exercises the reproductive function upon the return of every slight inclination can realize that greatest pleasure and satisfaction which are always possible, but so seldom experienced. The wise husband and the wise wife will not seek that utmost indulgence which brings them to the limit of endurance, but will constantly desire to be governedby such restraint and moderation as will secure for them the most blessed results. To say nothing of morality, intelligence and culture have their province in the exercise of the privileges which are possible to married people. The reproductive sense, like the sense of hunger, or any other sense, is to be brought under the dominion of intelligence and refinement. In the government of our other senses there are laws which no intelligent man will be willing to violate. He will not eat the first food upon which he chances to come, simply because he is hungry. He requires that it shall be of the proper kind, and properly prepared. The worm will seize upon its food regardless of its character, and without any reference to other considerations than that of satisfying its own inclination. Wild beasts will contend over a bone, but man is lifted by intelligence to a higher realm. His food must be of a proper kind, it must be properly prepared, and is to be eaten at appointed intervals. He will not eat that which belongs to another. He desires his food served with proper regard to cleanliness and esthetic taste. He beautifies his table, makes his eating the occasion of social fellowship, takes into consideration the wants and needs of others. If we thus regulate the appetite, why should we not, as intelligent beings, regulate the exercise of the reproductive sense? Why should we yield, like animals, to the first inclination? Why should we despoil ourselves or our companion of the God-given sense of modesty? Why should webe willing to indulge ourselves to such an extent as to injure the one individual whom we love and prize above all others upon earth? Let reason, refinement and the moral sense have their proper sway in the exercise of the reproductive function and the sexual instinct, the same as in the exercise of our other senses.
In a chapter entitled "Rules for Married Persons; or, Matrimonial Chastity," Jeremy Taylor gives the following advice: "In their permissions and license the husband and wife must be sure to observe the order of nature and the ends of God. He is an ill husband that uses his wife as a man treats a harlot, having no other end but pleasure. Concerning which our best rule is that although in this, as in eating and drinking, there is an appetite to be satisfied, which cannot be done without pleasing that desire; yet, since that desire and satisfaction were intended by nature for other ends, they should never be separated from those ends, but always be joined with all or one of these ends: with the desire for children; to avoid fornication; or to lighten and ease the cares and sadness of household affairs; or to endear each other; but never with a purpose, either in act or desire, to separate the sensuality from these ends which hallow it."
It is well also to know what the women have to say upon this subject. Mrs. E. B. Duffey, in her excellent little book, entitled "What Women Should Know," says: "One is often led to wonder if a large class of men are not simplybrutes, in all that concerns the physical relations of marriage. Women do not readily make confidential complaints to other women against their husbands. So that when a word—an incomplete sentence smothered before it is fully uttered—is spoken, it must be wrung from the lips by extreme marital brutality. That many women so suffer at the hands of husbands, brutal in this respect, though kind in all others, does not admit of doubt. Disinclination, weariness, ill health, none of these things will excuse a woman from participation in the marital act when her husband's inclinations lead him to require it of her. Strange that, while the law recognizes rape as a crime punishable by severe penalties, there is no recognition whatever of a married woman's right to a control over her own person. I do not know that the most brutal conduct in this respect, if there was no other reason for complaint, would be considered by the courts as a sufficient cause for divorce. Yet any one can readily imagine that it is possible for a man of strong sensual nature, who places no curb upon his appetite, to render the life of the delicate, pure-minded woman, intolerable to the last degree. As mutual affection is the heavenly bond of marriage, so mutual pleasure should also sanction its earthly bond. Love should be prepared to give as well as to receive—to be self-denying when self-denial is required of it. I cannot believe that a wife who sees her husband thus considerate will be unreasonable in her refusal."
But the anxious and honest inquirer still asks, How often may I indulge myself? No general answer can be given to this question. Due reference must always be had to the individual who asks it, and wise counsel would not be possible unless every consideration of the physical condition and health of the wife were allowed their proper place in the solution of the question. What might be moderation for one might be the most destructive excess for another. Some men are strong, have great powers of endurance, and do not know that they have a nerve in their body. Others are very delicate, nervous and dyspeptic. Some physicians are inclined to limit the relation to once a month; upon the other hand, all who have given attention to this subject have learned of instances of excess which do not fall at all short of conjugal debauchery. It might be said that no man of average health, physical power and intellectual acumen can exceed the bounds of once a week without at least being in danger of having entered upon a life of excess both for himself and for his wife.
Each young husband must determine for himself and his wife when they have reached the limit of moderation, and their greatest happiness, physically, intellectually and maritally, will be secured when they have erred upon the side of moderation rather than upon the side of excess. Do not wait until you have the pronounced effects of backache, lassitude, giddiness, dimness of sight, noises in the ears, numbnessof fingers and paralysis. Note your own condition the next day very carefully. If you observe a lack of normal, physical power, a loss of intellectual quickness or mental grip, if you are sensitive and irritable, if you are less kind and considerate of your wife, if you are morose and less companionable, or in any way fall below your best standard of excellence, it would be well for you to think seriously and proceed cautiously.
Nor should your observation and study only have reference to yourself. Note carefully the physical, mental and social condition of your wife the day following. You are not only to be the conservator of your own strength, but her protector as well. When you pass the limit of the greatest safety, either for yourself or your wife, you are likely to sacrifice both safety and happiness. Another says: "Even taking the low and sordid ground of selfishly getting the most out of this life, it is wise to abide by temperance and duty in the marital relation, for thus, and only thus, may we derive the most possible satisfaction from it. We may drink the nectar as we will; nature lets us hold the cup, but she mixes it herself; if we drink too deeply she adds water, then gall, and finally, it may be, deadly poison."
Sexual excess is one of the most destructive forms of intemperance, degrading alike the body, mind and morals. We have heard of men who have called the reproductive organs into very frequent exercise, but they havealways been men who were noted for nothing except their passion. Everything they eat and drink seems devoted to the maintenance of their sexual nature. They may have enjoyed intellectual advantages, and some of them may even be enrolled as professional men, but every other faculty is dwarfed and weakened that they may foster and fatten their passions. They are eminent in nothing, save as samples of beastliness. Why allow a single passion, the controlling organ of which lies at the very bottom and lowest part of the brain, to usurp and control the entire man, dominate over every other faculty, and render the physical, intellectual and moral faculties and religious sentiments only attendants and slaves!
No thoughtful or considerate husband can afford to disrespect the wishes of his wife. He should reverently consider her inclination as well as his own desire. Throughout the entire range of animal life the condition and inclination of the female fixes and determines the approaches of her mate. Woman is the only female whose condition is disregarded, whose wishes are ignored, whose rights are trampled under foot, and sometimes even denied any right over her own body. Where a woman is in health, and is the loving, devoted wife which she should be, there is not much danger that she will be too strict with the idol of her heart. And, save in exceptional cases, there is but little danger that the wife will be too lenient with her husband. If the wrongs which wivessuffer because of the unbridled passions of inconsiderate husbands were publicly known, every virtuous and pure-minded man and woman would be inclined to take up arms for the mitigation of woman's wrongs, and the liberation of this great army of slaves who suffer in silence the servitude from which they have no hope of deliverance except by death.
If you wish to attain your greatest usefulness in life, avoid the undue use of foods which are calculated to stimulate the reproductive nature. Use eggs and oysters, pepper and condiments with reasonable moderation. Do not simulate impure thinking by theatre-going, the reading of salacious books, participation in the round dance, the presence of nude statuary and suggestive pictures; avoid such bodily exposure and postures as mar the modesty of both man and woman; keep reasonable and regular hours, and remember that all these things tend only to enervate and exhaust your wife and to rob and wrong you of the best there is in store for you.
Marital moderation is most easily secured and maintained where married persons occupy separate beds; and, indeed, in many instances such conditions exist as render separate rooms not only desirable, but essential. Mrs. E. B. Duffey, a good and reliable authority on this and related subjects, says: "If the husband cannot properly control his amorous propensities they had better by all means occupy separate beds and different apartments, with a lock on thecommunicating door, the key in the wife's possession."
Dr. Dio Lewis, in his book entitled "Chastity," when writing of the excesses which lead to estrangement in married life, says: "A very large part of this wretchedness and perilous excess is the natural result of our system of sleeping in the same bed. It is the most ingenious of all possible devices to stimulate and inflame the carnal passion. No bed is large enough for two persons. If brides only knew the great risk they run of losing the most precious of all earthly possessions—the love of their husbands—they would struggle as resolutely to secure extreme temperance after marriage as they do to maintain complete abstinence before the ceremony. The best means to this end is the separate bed."
Many persons recognize the injurious effects which result from two persons sleeping in the same bed, but generally they fear that if they were to occupy adjoining apartments, or even separate beds in the same room, it might lead to local gossip or the suspicion of a lack of harmony or affection. But without informing the patient of the purpose, physicians oftentimes advise a period of absence, either for the husband or for the wife, in order to secure the beneficial result which could be had in their own homes if they would only consent to sleep apart.
Where either the husband or the wife suffers from excessive amative propensities upon the part of the other, great benefit would be derivedfrom avoiding the sexual excitement which comes daily by the twice-repeated exposure of undressing and dressing in each other's presence, and being in close bodily contact for a period of one-third of the hours of each day, for four months in a year, and for twenty years to those who have lived together for a period of sixty years.
There are also the questions of adequate ventilation, the absorption of the exhalations of each other's bodies, the weaker being injured by the fact that the stronger is likely to absorb vital and nervous force, and also the equalization of magnetic elements, which, when diverse in quantity and quality, augment physical attraction and personal affection. Where there is a disparity of physical condition, or a considerable difference of age, or either person is suffering from the effects of any disease which contaminates the atmosphere, separate beds, and oftentimes separate apartments, are essential.
Physical culture is an important matter for consideration in connection with the subject of moderation within the marriage relation. All forms of outdoor recreation which are calculated to produce the best physical condition—dumb-bells, Indian-clubs, exercises of various kinds, frequent bathing, followed by vigorous rubbing of the external surface of the body—are matters of great importance in this connection. If the thought is permitted to centre upon the sexual relation the blood will be diverted from the brain and the muscles, and the entire man will suffer because of the depletion and drain which comes as an inevitable result. Let the thought be turned to other considerations, and by exercise send the blood into all parts of the body, and let the vigorous rubbing after the bath produce a healthy glow, and contribute to good health and to the attainment and maintenance of a well-rounded manhood.
Not only is physical culture essential for the husband, but it is equally important for the wife, who is even more likely to underestimate its value and neglect it altogether, unless she is encouraged to physical effort and bodily exercise by the husband.
Remember that you and your wife owe it not only to yourselves in securing present happiness, but owe it also to your children and to your own future good that you shall possess the best physical results which are possible to you; for what you are, that your children will become after you. If they inherit either physical or mental weakness, the parents who are to care for them will be compelled to pay for their own sad mistakes in vigils and self-denials from which they could have delivered themselves by timely forethought and sufficient care.
The proper mastery of your sexual nature will be worth all it costs. A strong sexual nature is not a curse, but a blessing. God made no mistake in making man what he is; but he never intended that the lower nature should rule over the higher and better nature of man. Thestruggle is worth all it costs, and the man who gains the mastery grows more manly, more noble, while the man who is overcome becomes less manly, and if lust be given the sway he becomes increasingly beastly.
If you gain and keep the mastery, the struggle will not be endless. With that modified manhood which comes with the hush of the reproductive nature at about middle life, there will come a growing peacefulness and manly poise which will be marked by an increasing strength of intellectual and moral power which will make possible to you in the closing years of your life acquisitions and achievements which were quite impossible in the earlier years.
Theapproach to new relations and untried conditions often awakens in the minds of the unmarried apprehensions which are entitled at least to a brief consideration at this place.
Many young men who are looking forward to marriage spend months of anxious forethought lest there should exist in them some physical incapacity which might unfit them for the new relation into which they are about to enter. Such fears, in the vast majority of cases, are wholly groundless, and in the exceptional instances the insufficiency is generally more seeming than real. Where the previous life has been correct and virtuous there is not more than one case in a thousand where any serious embarrassment may reasonably be expected to arise.
Because of a lack of nourishing food, the neglect of exercise and physical culture, excessive overwork, dissipation and late hours, many young men suffer from sexual weakness and become apprehensive of impotence, and when they contemplate marriage resort to stimulants, or the most foolish expedients, for regaining or testing their sexual power. No more foolish or destructive course could be pursued. The rightthing to do is to inquire into the influences which have produced the debility, remove the cause, resort to such indoor and out-of-door exercises as will tend to the best development of the physical man, restore health, increase the ordinary powers of endurance, and then the apprehensions will all disappear.
Physical weakness and general debility, when emphasized by the nervous strain of the ordinary marriage occasion and followed by the excitement inseparable from the earliest marital relation, often result in premature sexual loss and temporary departure of erectile power, and beget apprehension, and even awaken fear.
But even where such instances do occur, they are usually only temporary. Actual impotence during a period of manhood is very rare. Where there is ground for just apprehension the young man should always consult an intelligent and conscientious physician. If he suggests either stimulants or association with dissolute women in order to test your powers, in order to strengthen the reproductive system, accept this as a sufficient evidence of his incompetency, and immorality as well, and betake yourself to another physician. The world has passed on to that period when a practitioner who is so ignorant as to give such dangerous and destructive advice is unworthy of the confidence of the people upon whose credulity and purses he preys, and also of the respect of decent people, or a place among intelligent physicians.
Any young man who has several months remaining before marriage can easily remove all groundless apprehensions by such a full observance of the laws of health, due exercise in the open air, the use of dumb-bells, Indian-clubs and home Exercisers as will develop his physical powers and enable him to come to a just apprehension of his real condition.
Nor need a young man who has selected a bride in good health and in appropriate physical proportions to himself feel any anxieties concerning the deficiencies or deformities in her. Medical authorities affirm that the obstacles to the consummation of marriage are far less frequent in females than in males. The greatest barriers to a proper entrance upon marriage upon the part of men are found in excessive solitary and social vice, and especially in the results which attend and follow venereal diseases, all of which exert a debilitating effect upon the masculine function.
Where a young husband will carefully observe the suggestions made in a later chapter concerning the treatment of his bride, especially from the first day they are married, he will successfully pass any dangers, none of which are likely to appear in the subsequent weeks or years. But where these suggestions are ignored he may be guilty of doing such violence to the sense of propriety of the bride, or so injure her physically, as to make himself the heir of greatest unhappiness for the remainder of his married life. His thought should not only be concerning himself, but especially concerning the deliverance of his bride from a life of invalidism and wretchedness. It seems to us that no wrong which one might do in his ignorance could bring greater remorse and regret than the knowledge of the fact that, without knowing it, he had destroyed both the health and the happiness of one who otherwise would have been a joy and blessing throughout his entire life.
In medical books designed for the profession much space is properly given to the consideration of defects, deformities and monstrosities; but in a book like this, designed to meet the needs of the ordinary individual, such rare and exceptional instances need not be included. Marked abnormal conditions are not often seen in the practice of an ordinary physician, and it is therefore wrong to yield to the tendency to arouse unnecessary apprehensions which can serve no useful purpose, but which often do result in injury to the reader.
Where there exists sufficient evidence of any serious difficulty, or physical incapacity, the young man should not fail to consult an experienced physician of known honor and Christian integrity. Such a man will not betray your confidence, and will be able to afford any necessary relief, and to give judicious counsel and timely assistance. Never, under any circumstances, apply to the quack, the shark or the charlatan, whose only purpose will be to frighten and alarm in order that they may the more successfully extort money from the uninformed, in return for which they can expect nothing better than impoverishment and humiliation, instead of wise counsel and skillful treatment.
But we must at this point speak of the kindred subject of the apprehensions which expectant young husbands often feel with reference to the qualification of the intended bride. As we have already said, deformities and actual incapacity are less frequent among women than among men. Women who know themselves to be suffering from falling of the womb, or other serious womb trouble, should not contemplate marriage. By becoming a wife a woman with serious womb trouble only aggravates her condition, renders herself and her husband miserable—does the very thing which will retard her recovery, and is even in danger of rendering herself wholly incurable. Women who know themselves to be suffering from such ills and ailments should always seek competent medical assistance, cut their corset-strings, devote themselves faithfully to physical culture, and defer their marriage until they have restored these parts to a state of health.
Where either married or unmarried women suffer from female weakness they are generally loath to seek competent medical relief. We have known of married women who have suffered for many years the results of injuries received during confinement who could easily have been not only relieved, but permanently cured, had they applied to a competent physician, disclosedtheir real condition, and submitted to intelligent treatment.
The same is true of young, married people. Where any slight incapacity or obstacle is found in their new relation they should promptly seek some competent medical advisers, and not permit weeks to elapse, until, on account of their neglect, that which could easily have been remedied in the beginning has become the source of embarrassment, estrangement, or, possibly, some permanent nervous affection. Where it is the wife who needs medical attention, her modest nature may cause her to shrink from examination or counsel, but when she remembers that medical specialists are constantly consulted upon kindred subjects there should be no hesitation in seeking their counsel and assistance. The utmost frankness on the part of the patient should always enable the physician intelligently to understand her condition, while that native female modesty which is the attestation of her virtue will be both her adornment and her defense.
With the increasing number of well-equipped doctors, intending brides in increasing numbers are wisely seeking such counsel as will assure them that there exists no impediment to the formation of a happy marriage. Were this course universally followed it would remove much mental anxiety, possible perplexity, and even marital infelicity. It would disclose to those who have serious womb trouble their unfitness to become wives and mothers, and thusenable the unfortunate ones to escape the unhappiness and misery which marriage is sure to bring both to them and to their husbands. It is always infinitely better to know the facts before it is too late to escape the wretchedness which the marital relation is sure to entail; and then, where no infirmities or barriers exist, the knowledge of that fact will bring an assurance which will be worth many times the embarrassment and expense involved. This is the legitimate, reliable and proper way for every intending bride to secure such information, and the only way to which a virtuous and pure-minded woman could yield her consent.
Thehappiness of the individual and of the family often depends upon the influence and effects of very plain and everyday considerations, and in closing Part First there are a few things which we desire to impress upon the mind of the young husband which to some may seem unimportant, but which, in fact, are very important, and your failure duly to observe any one of which may result in your home, as it has in thousands of others, in the blighting of happiness, in personal injury, in injustice and wrong to wife and children, and even in the wrecking of the home itself.
See to it that you have a pure breath. You have no right to defile your body, or render your breath impure or offensive in any way, and especially by the use of tobacco and liquor. You have no more right to defile the air which your wife is to breathe than you have to defile the water which she is to drink, or to sprinkle some disagreeable or loathsome substance upon the food which she is to eat; and the magnitude of this wrong would be increased in proportion to the extent to which it adds to her discomfort or injures her health. To say the least, the use of tobacco is a selfish habit, and if you desire to be just and equal, you should be willing to apportion to your wife for some personal gratification of her own an amount equal to the money which you daily or annually expend upon yourself for the use of tobacco. The tobacco habit is an expensive one. It not only costs an expenditure of a large amount of money annually, but results almost universally in nervousness and irritability. If you use tobacco in any form and will observe yourself closely, noting the difference between the periods when you omit its use and when, upon the other hand, you do not use it, you will be convinced that it tends very perceptibly to render you sensitive, irritable and uncompanionable. But this is not all. It so permeates your entire being as seriously to affect the children which you beget and bring into the world.
No man, we care not how indifferent he may be to the effect upon himself or to the comfort of his wife, can be so insensible to the effect of his own life in determining the character, happiness and destiny of his children, as to be indifferent to the consideration of the results of the use of tobacco upon his descendants. You may often have noticed that men and women of good physique, and apparently enjoying the best of health, become the parents of weak, nervous and sickly children. It would be both unjust and untrue to assert that in every such instance the result could be accurately traced to the use of tobacco, but the evidence that tobacco is the real cause can be established in at leastsomeinstances. Many a child of inferior physicaland intellectual capacity has been defrauded of its larger endowment because the father who begot it was addicted to the use of tobacco. If the teachings of the most reliable medical authority upon this subject are to be accepted, it would be possible to select from any community the finest physical and intellectual specimens of men and women and let them both become addicted to the use of tobacco, and then marry among themselves, and in a single generation or two their descendants would fall far below the physical and intellectual average of the children of other parents who do not use the weed in any form.
The subject of intemperance we have fully treated in the preceding volumes of this series, and we must refer the reader to them in that place, especially the book addressed to young men. Liquor is not only a curse to the individual who uses it, but it wrecks the health and happiness of the wife and curses their yet unborn children. It not only affects their morals, health and intelligence, but where the children are not born imbeciles or idiots they often inherit the appetite for drink and become depraved and drunken to the third and fourth generation. The great minds which have shone in the intellectual firmament of the past, or brighten and bless the present generation, were not begotten of parents who were given to excess and dissipation. Many a man whose descendants might have been lustrous and happy, owe their enfeebled minds and blighted happinessto the indiscretion and excess of the parents who brought them into the world. When God designed to raise up a Samson he said to the mother: "Thou shalt conceive and bear a son. Now, therefore, beware, I pray thee, and drink not wine, nor strong drink, and eat not any unclean thing, for the child shall be a Nazarite unto God from the womb, and he shall begin to deliver Israel out of the hands of the Philistines." The same laws of heredity exist to-day, and they cannot be ignored without imperiling the health and the happiness of those who are to come after us.
If you love your wife or value your own happiness, let us urge upon you the duty of fidelity. This is a duty that you owe to your wife in the same proportion that she owes fidelity to you. God has made but one standard of integrity and virtue, and this is enjoined alike upon men and women. God says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." He does not say women shall not, or that men shall not. There is no discrimination between men and women.
The word "thou" means the person who reads or hears—the person addressed, whether male or female, young or old, king or peasant, high or low, learned or unlearned, rich or poor, white or black, bond or free. It is alike binding upon all, without abatement or modification, regardless of sex, race, class or condition, and without reference to time, place or circumstance.
What is true of this commandment is alsotrueof them all. God has not made one set oflaws for men and another for women. Neither does He excuse or condone in men what He condemns in women. He holds both alike answerable to the same unerring standards of social and moral purity. Whatever may be the attitude of those who entertain lax moral views, society has no right to condone in man what it condemns in woman. What is wrong for her is wrong for him, and infidelity or unfaithfulness is a crime in either.
In addition to the moral wrong there is also the great physical risk. The unmarried man who leads a life of vice, to some extent, at least, only imperils himself; but the married man imperils his wife and his children in addition. The most reputable physicians can bear ample testimony to the frequency that women apply to them for relief from aches and ills suffered by themselves and their children, the nature and source of which these wives do not suspect, and the terrible and ineradicable nature of which they are totally ignorant. Such is the terrible punishment inflicted by guilty husbands and fathers upon their innocent and unsuspecting wives and children. Hundreds of cases might be named; but let us give a single illustration, narrated to us by one of the most eminent physicians of this country, whose name and residence are not essential, as somewhat similar instances come frequently to the attention of physicians.
A young man of a wealthy family, who had been a couple of times treated for gonorrhœa, married a beautiful bride in a prominent andwealthy family. A couple of weeks after his marriage he came to the physician with one of those small sores called a chancre, which is the unmistakable evidence of the presence of syphilis. Careful investigation disclosed the fact that at the time of his marriage he had a concealed chancre, and which, although unknown to himself, had nevertheless been communicated to his bride. The treatment was prompt and of the most skillful character, but serious results were speedily manifest. The primary sore was followed by its secondary results. Sores appeared upon the different parts of her body, the mucous membrane was affected, and every hair upon the entire person of the wife fell out. She did not have left so much as eyebrows, eyelashes, or even hairs in her nose, and, as in some instances after a serious attack of typhoid fever, months were necessary before the hair started again to grow. When it did grow it returned coarse and wiry, and when about an inch or inch-and-a-half long it very much resembled goat's hair. It could not be combed—nothing could be done with it. She looked like a fright—was an astonishment to her friends and an embarrassment to herself.
With no knowledge of the terrible nature of her disease, it was difficult to induce her to persist through months for a period of at least two years in taking her medicines. At intervals during the years that followed she gave premature birth to children, which, whether born dead, or living for a day or two, were massesof disease and corruption. After four or five of such miscarriages she finally gave birth to a child that at the time of its coming into the world seemed healthy. Not long after the birth of this child the family removed from the community, and the physician was unable to note the effects of the inheritance which no child under such circumstances could possibly escape.
While this case was impressive, it was by no means exceptional. We have learned of instances where persons of unbounded wealth have communicated the syphilis to their wives, and all the skill which wealth could command has not been able to eradicate the disease or deliver the unhappy sufferers from the consequences of the criminal unfaithfulness of the guilty husband.
But there are consequences less manifest to the eye, but no less deadly and destructive in effect, which come to the innocent and unoffending wife as the result of the vice and unfaithfulness of her husband. One of the most eminent physicians of Philadelphia, in conversation with the author, assured us that the effects of gonorrhœa, or clap, which are suffered by the wives is something alarming. Even where the husband has not communicated the disease while it was active in himself, but where the intending husband may have supposed that he was entirely cured of gonorrhœa for a period of two years or more, he may yet communicate the lurking remnants of that disease to the vagina, the effects soon extending upinto the womb, out through the Fallopian tubes, oftentimes reaching the ovaries and necessitating their removal, making it necessary to unsex the woman in order to save her from the wretchedness and misery which are inseparable from the death which they so often preface.
An eminent practitioner in New York, when addressing the last annual convention of the State Medical Society, called special attention to the prevalent effects which wives suffer as the result of gonorrhœa contracted by their husbands, and said that a few years ago it was his custom, when women with certain symptoms came to him for consultation, to request a private interview with the husbands in order that he might discover whether past unfaithfulness since marriage or a life of vice prior to marriage was not the cause of the trouble. He said that latterly, however, the best medical authorities were agreed that it was not necessary to subject the husband to this trying inquisition, for the symptoms and conditions which established the correctness of the diagnosis were a sufficient proof of the source of all the wife's troubles. Thousands of husbands who bemoan the fact that their wives are complete physical wrecks are themselves the authors of the ruin which has been wrought.
Nor is this all; fathers have often carried the disease home, and by the use of towels have communicated the virus of the disease to the eyes of their children or some member of the family, from which total blindness has come asthe inevitable result. We learned of one instance in which the father communicated the disease to his entire family, including several small children, who took their bath in the same tub, but in different water, after the father had bathed.
For a fuller unfolding of the awful consequences of the diseases which accompany vice we must refer the reader to the book "What a Young Man Ought to Know," from page 93 to 153. All that has there been said in favor of a chaste and pure life can be enjoined with even greater emphasis on those who are married.
But what if a guilty husband and father could escape the dangers of disease, the detection by his wife, and could even escape the lashings of his own guilty conscience, which will smite with sevenfold force as the years advance, yet how terrible for him to remember that transmission is the law of heredity, and that a licentious father is the legitimate predecessor of a vicious child. Is it comforting for a father to anticipate with certainty that all the vices which have corrupted his life, blighted his home and debased his moral nature are to be transmitted to his offspring? How shall he, in the after years, when his own children go wrong, be comforted with the thought that what they are he was, and that what he desires them to be is what he himself should have been. Julia, the daughter of Augustus, was as bad as her father, and gave birth to a child of equally strong propensities. These are the influences which have not only destroyed the happiness of homes, but have wrecked the destinies of nations. By the love you bear your wife, by the love which you have for your children which are and which are to be, by the respect which you have for yourself and the fear that you should have for your God, by all that is sacred in marriage and in home, by all thatis desiredin this world and in the world to come, we plead with you, for your present, future and eternal good, that you maintain your marriage vow inviolate.
Part II
CONCERNING HIS WIFE