ACT II

ACT IIScene IThe scene is the same as in Act I. The room is empty whenMILDREDenters withEDWARD MELVIN.She is dressed in a short white serge dress with green sash and purple band over the left shoulder, draped like the garter ribbon.Melvincarries a large white banner on which is painted in green and purple letters, “Daughters of the Danaïdes.”MILDRED.(Half hysterical.) You have been so kind to me, I shall never forget it. I do not know what I should have done without your help. I thought I was going to faint right there in the street, and the crowd was jeering so. Then you suddenly appeared like a Lohengrin and seized the standard and assisted me down the side street. I could never have reached home if you had not hailed the taxicab and brought me back. I should have been afraid to take a street taxicab myself. One hears such awful stories about kidnapping.MR. MELVIN.Yet you were not afraid to go with me—a perfect stranger!MILDRED.I knew the Club on the corner out of which you ran, what nice men belong to it. Those inthe window were all joking you when you left them, but you didn’t care. You came and helped me in spite of everything. When you were beside me and I could see your eyes, I felt sure you were to be trusted. I didn’t think anything more about it.MR. MELVIN.(Slightly embarrassed.) How heavy this banner is. They should not have given it to a child like you to carry. It would be a weighty burden for a man.MILDRED.I am not a child! It is this short skirt that makes me look like one. I am over eighteen years old. The members of the Society chose me as standard bearer because it is a great honor. They said that I had done so much for the cause both in contributions and personal service that it was my right to carry the banner.MR. MELVIN.So you contribute to the Campaign Funds. Well, that is an important thing to do, the most important perhaps.MILDRED.Oh, I didn’t mean to give the impression that I have given so much. I really only give what I ought, because you see most of the members are factory girls and typewriters, self-supporting women who have all they can do to pay their monthly dues of ten cents.MR. MELVIN.(Reading from the banner.) “Daughters of the Danaïdes.” So that is the name of your society, is it?MILDRED.Yes. Mrs. Dunstan chose it. She is so clever and has read everything. She says it is an alliteration worthy of Henry James.MR. MELVIN.Do you know what the Danaïdes did?MILDRED.(Solemnly.) They murdered their husbands.MR. MELVIN.Is that the purpose of your Society? Have you all vowed to murder your husbands?MILDRED.I don’t think we shall any of us ever marry.MR. MELVIN.How about Mrs. Dunstan?MILDRED.Oh, she divorced hers.MR. MELVIN.Don’t you think a man ought to be afraid of you when you belong to such a murderously named society?MILDRED.Mrs. Dunstan explained to us that ours was symbolic, that we must kill figuratively by destroying the peace of every man who does not believe in Woman Suffrage.MR. MELVIN.Are you going to begin by destroying mine?MILDRED.Don’t you believe in Woman Suffrage?MR. MELVIN.Not for you.MILDRED.Why not for me?MR. MELVIN.Because you are too pretty.MILDRED.How ridiculous! What has looks to do with it? Homely men vote.MR. MELVIN.(Looking up at the painting.) Is that your mother’s portrait?MILDRED.Yes, how did you know it? Everyone says I don’t look a bit like her.MR. MELVIN.Your smile is the same.MILDRED.I wish the portrait were mine.MR. MELVIN.Isn’t it?MILDRED.No. My mother willed it to my father. She left everything else to me, but I would rather have had the portrait and not so much money.MR. MELVIN.Do you remember your mother?MILDRED.Yes. She only died six years ago. I often come down here in the evenings when my father and stepmother are out and curl up in that corner of the sofa and try to recall what she said to me when I was a little girl and to imagine how she would advise me now, when I am puzzled what to do.MR. MELVIN.Was she a supporter of votes for women too?MILDRED.When mother was alive, Woman Suffrage was not so prominent. Of course, there were societies and clubs but they were composed more of professional women, doctors, and lawyers. Society women had not taken it up and I don’t suppose mother ever thought anything about the subject.MR. MELVIN.Wise woman. That is the best way to treat it. You would be much happier if you didn’t think anything about it.MILDRED.But those poor girls, they have to struggle so hard to get a living. I must help them.MR. MELVIN.Helping them is a different proposition, but would the vote help them so much at present?MILDRED.It is a great power.MR. MELVIN.So great a power that if your girls had the vote, there are plenty of people who would try to control it for them. Try to improve the ideals of your girls, in dress and in way of living. Try to bring about an improvement in the conditions of their work, but don’t mix them up in politics. Not just yet anyway.MILDRED.Mrs. Thom says it is the only way.MR. MELVIN.Who is Mrs. Thom?MILDRED.She is one of our greatest leaders.MR. MELVIN.Did you ever wonder what your mother would have said to all this tomfoolery? Don’t you care more for your mother’s opinion than for that of Mrs. Thom?MILDRED.Why do you call it tomfoolery?MR. MELVIN.Can you call it anything else? These parades and platform speeches, these huge badges and conspicuous standards? Daughters of the Danaïdes! Do you know what punishment was inflicted upon the Danaïdes?MILDRED.No.MR. MELVIN.They were condemned to carry water in a sieve.MILDRED.(After a slight pause.) You mean that my efforts in the cause of Woman Suffrage are futile? That I am trying to carry water in a sieve?MR. MELVIN.Are you getting any results?MILDRED.We increased our membership last year from two hundred to over a thousand.MR. MELVIN.Statistics. Have you gained anything? Made any real advance?Do your membersreally want to vote?MILDRED.How can you talk to me in this way! There are a great many nice and clever women in our Society who believe in the enfranchisement of women sincerely, and would make any sacrifice to accomplish it. Look at my stepmother. She is naturally fond of art and fond of society, but she has neglected both to work in the cause. We are not trying to carry water in a sieve.MR. MELVIN.Forgive me. I did not mean toannoy you. You are so tired too. Run and lie down now, and forget all about women’s rights and wrongs for a while. I am going to ask you to let me call again sometime and you shall try to convert me. Here is my card. Your father will know who I am.MILDRED.(Taking card.) Thank you. I do feel rather done up. Thank you again for seeing me home.(MELVINleaves by one door.MILDREDgoes over to the banner which he has left on a chair, rolls it up and puts it in a corner. Then she leaves the room by the other door.)Scene 2EnterMRS. TILSBURY,MRS. BROWN,MR. BECKER,andMR. VAN TOUSEL.MRS. TILSBURY.Well, the parade is over, thank goodness. Now we four will have a nice little game of Auction. Half a cent a point, no more. What do you say, Imogene?MRS. BROWN.I don’t know whether I dare. I have been losing so all the week. I don’t half believe in playing for money, Josephine. Our Rector gave us such a touching sermon about it last week I almost cried in church.MR. VAN TOUSEL.Oh, come along, Mrs. Brown, be a sport. Probably you will win to-day. I always find myself even at the end of the year when I play often enough.MR. BECKER.Yes, one’s gains and losses generally balance in the long run. We can’t play auction withouthaving a little something at stake. It makes one careless in one’s game.MRS. BROWN.Well, I will play one rubber at half a cent a point, and if I win I will play another, but where shall I put Cochon?MRS. TILSBURY.Here, give him to me. I’ll put him in the wood-box. It has not been filled as usual.MRS. BROWN.But it is so hard. Put this sofa-cushion in first.MRS. TILSBURY.Stop, that is my best sofa-cushion. Here, I’ll put your muff under. It is so big and soft, it will fill it up nicely.MRS. BROWN.No, he can’t have that, it is my new muff. Perhaps he won’t find the wooden boards so hard after all, he is growing pretty fat. Did ’oo mind the bare boards, dearie? Will ’oo be comfy in the wood-box? Oh, did I tell you the experience I had yesterday in regard to him? A well-dressed woman stopped me in the street and showed me a badge of the S.P.C.A. She said that she lived across the street from me and had often noticed my little dog. She wished to tell me that he was out of proportion across the haunches, probably because I did not feed him properly, and that unless I gave the matter my immediate attention and changed his diet, she would have me arrested for maltreating an animal. She went on to say that she had often tried to get a photograph of the dog to present as an exhibit to the society, but that I never seemed to take him out in the daytime, which was another example of my cruelty to him.MRS. TILSBURY.Did you ever! What are we coming to? What did you say to her?MR. BECKER.Just as I said, Mrs. Brown. You women are determined to break the laws. You seem to think that laws are made only to be broken.MRS. TILSBURY.The men of New York take pleasure in makingLaws that the women take pleasure in breaking.Do tell us, Imogene, what answer did you make to that impertinent woman?MRS. BROWN.I told her to mind her own business.MR. VAN TOUSEL.Excellent.MRS. TILSBURY.What did she say to that?MRS. BROWN.She said she was minding her own business but that she was going to mind it still better, as I should soon find out. I am afraid I shall be forced to move.MR. BECKER.Or to give up Cochon.MRS. BROWN.Give up Cochon! Why, Mr. Becker, I love Cochon just as much as though he were a dog, and do you know what sacrifices women make for the sake of their dogs? There is Mrs. Davenant for instance. She received a perfectly wonderful invitation to visit some people of title in England and because she could not take her little chow dog Peeksie with her unless she was separated from him for two weeks while he was shut up in that odious Quarantine, she refused the invitation. She said she had never been away from Peeksie for a night since she had first bought him two years ago. She wrote to the Port authorities and offered to go to the Quarantine with Peeksie, but they replied that there was no room for her, that the largest pen was three feet by five for a St. Bernard.MRS. TILSBURY.I hope Mrs. Davenant took that for a reflection on her size. She is really growing enormous. She ought to roll more.MR. BECKER.Does Mr. Davenant like to have that dog around his room all night?MRS. BROWN.No, he and Mrs. Davenant have been occupying different rooms ever since Peeksie came. Mr. Davenant got up once in the dark and kicked her.ALL.Kicked Mrs. Davenant!MRS. BROWN.No, Peeksie! He said it was by mistake but Mrs. Davenant was never quite sure that it was.(MRS. TILSBURYgoes to corner of room and arranges table.)MR. VAN TOUSEL.That S.P.C.A. is a worthy society although the zeal of one member seems to have been misdirected in your case, Mrs. Brown. My mother is vice-president of one of its branches.MRS. BROWN.Your mother seems to be vice-president in a good many societies, Mr. Van Tousel.MR. VAN TOUSEL.Yes, in sixty-three.MRS. BROWN.Any Suffragists’ Society?MR. VAN TOUSEL.No. I regret to say my mother is an anti-suffragist. She says she has no time to vote. She calls herself an old-fashioned woman.MR. BECKER.I should like to meet your mother, Van Tousel.MRS. BROWN.So should I.MR. BECKER.To try and make a Suffragist of her, I suppose. You women are all natural proselytizers.MRS. BROWN.No, indeed. I should like to meet Mrs. Van Tousel because she is an old-fashioned woman. I am an old-fashioned woman and like seeks like.MR. BECKER.You an old-fashioned woman? How absurd! How about your Bridge playing?MRS. BROWN.I only do that to please my friends. Old-fashioned women were brought up to study how to please.MR. BECKER.And Cochon, there, doesn’t he make you up-to-date?MRS. BROWN.He is a domestic animal, a barn yard animal, and all old-fashioned women used to busy themselves about barn yard animals. I remember when I was a little girl, I used to go with my grandmother on the farm every morning to see the pigs fed. It is only lately, Mr. Becker, that the hog business has been incorporated and taken away from the list of home activities. Women’s work used to be in the home, but now they are driven out to work in factories and offices. Women used to be guardians of the hearth like the Vestal Virgins, but now they are driven out into the world to earn money to pay for the gas that the gas stove consumes. Instead of the “eternal flame,” we have the intermittent gas jet. My cook tries to make it eternal though, she always forgets to turn it off.MR. VAN TOUSEL.Bravo, Mrs. Brown. We shall soon have you on the platform making speeches.MRS. BROWN.Not on your life. I was only trying to point out the changes in the times to Mr. Becker.MRS. TILSBURY.(Returning.) How shall we play?You and Mr. Van Tousel, Imogene, and Mr. Becker and I?MR. BECKER.We should cut for partners. You women never have a sense of fair play.MRS. BROWN.Is cutting the cards fair play, Mr. Becker? I thought it was chance.MRS. TILSBURY.I thought we would begin that way and pivot afterwards.MR. BECKER.It is always better to begin fairly. We may not have time for more than one rubber. (They cut for partners.)MRS. BROWN.Well, you and I seem to be partners, Josephine.MR. VAN TOUSEL.Oh, that won’t do. The ladies against the gentlemen.MR. BECKER.It is quite appropriate for the ending of to-day. Sex against sex. It is your deal, Mrs. Tilsbury? shall I make up the cards?MRS. TILSBURY.Oh, dear, the points of these pencils are all broken. Will some one sharpen them?MR. BECKER.That means you and me, Van Tousel. I have never seen a woman who could sharpen a pencil.MRS. BROWN.It is certainly much nicer to have some one else to do it. Sharpening pencils is such dirty work. (The men sharpen the pencils while the women look on.)MRS. BROWN.Did you ever see anything so funny as that parade anyway? There wasn’t a decently dressed woman in the whole crowd nor a good-looking one either—(suddenly remembering where she is)—except Mildred.MRS. TILSBURY.Those women with the sandwich boards with “Votes for Women” painted on them were as shapeless as the boards.MRS. BROWN.The United Home Helpers Union seemed to me to have the most style.MRS. TILSBURY.That is because most of them are domestic servants, and they were wearing their mistresses’ old clothes or new ones. My cook asked me to give her my second-best tailor-made suit and I did not dare to refuse for fear she would leave before my dinner-party next week. I am sure she will go immediately after. I hated to give it to her for it was in very good condition. Now, I have nothing but my best one to wear in the mornings.MRS. BROWN.I wouldn’t mind that. Gwendolen Jones had one exactly like it except it is gray instead of heliotrope. If you wear yours in the morning, she can hardly go on wearing hers to Bridge parties in the afternoons as if it were something dressy. She will be furious with you, for she will be compelled to get something new at last.MRS. TILSBURY.Gwendolen wasn’t in the parade, was she?MRS. BROWN.No, not one of what the newspapers call the society women marched. They seemed to lack the courage of their convictions.MR. VAN TOUSEL.Perhaps they were afraid of making themselves conspicuous.MRS. BROWN.They have been making themselves notorious in the newspapers lately.MR. BECKER.That is a very different thing. If they marched in the street every one would see themas they are, but if described in the newspapers they appear flatteringly represented by flattered reporters.MRS. BROWN.The men who marched looked awfully shamefaced. Most of them looked like tramps at one dollar per head from the way they walked. Why didn’t you march, Mr. Van Tousel?MR. VAN TOUSEL.I felt it my duty to act as escort to you ladies.MRS. BROWN.I wouldn’t dare ask you why you didn’t march, Mr. Becker. You might scalp me instead of the pencil. Did any of you notice the girl who carried the banner in the Confederation of Lady Milliners. She reeled about as if she were dizzy. (Sees banner in the corner.) Oh, there is Mildred’s banner against the wall. I can show you how she did it. (Picks up banner and staggers across the room with it.)MRS. TILSBURY.Is that Mildred’s banner? Why the child must have come back. Nothing could separate her from her banner. I hope she was not taken ill. She looked quite well when she passed us. I did not suppose she would be back for two hours. I thought we would have plenty of time for our game.MR. VAN TOUSEL.Doesn’t Miss Tilsbury allow you to play bridge?MRS. TILSBURY.She doesn’t quite approve of it. She is so serious minded, dear child, she looks upon it as frivolous.MR. BECKER.As the child is inclined, the parent is bent.(EnterMRS. THOM,andMISS SLAVINSKY,her arm in a sling.)KATY.(Announcing.) Mrs. Mary Henrietta Thom, Miss Sophie Slavinsky.MRS. TILSBURY.I am so pleased to see you, Mrs. Thom. Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Thom, Mr. Becker, Mr. Van Tousel. How do you do, Miss Slavinsky. You have met every one here before, I think.SOPHIE.That’s the ticket. How do you do, everybody?MRS. THOM.(Turning to everyone.) I came in, Mrs. Tilsbury, to inquire about Mildred. I have been so anxious about her.MRS. TILSBURY.Then Mildred is at home? We just now saw her banner standing in the corner and I was going to ask if she had returned. I felt sure that she and her standard could not be far apart.MRS. THOM.She is most loyal to her beliefs. I am anxious to hear that she is safely back. Miss Slavinsky is a Daughter of the Danaïdes and she ran forward at one of the halts——MRS. BROWN.(Aside toMR. BECKER.) At which halt? It seemed to me to be a very halting procession.MRS. THOM.—and she told me that Mildred had fainted and been carried off by a strange man in a taxicab.ALL.What!MRS. THOM.One hears such frightful stories about men enticing girls into taxicabs that I was much alarmed naturally and hurried here at once, meaning to give an alarm to the Police Station if she should not have returned.MRS. BROWN.(Aside.) She wanted an excuse to get out of the procession.MRS. TILSBURY.It was probably some man she knew, Mrs. Thom. Mildred would never go in a taxicab with a stranger.SOPHIE.(Who has been making eyes atMR. VAN TOUSEL,interrupts excitedly.) No, Mrs. Tilsbury, she did not know him. I heard him say, “Although you have never seen me before, will you trust yourself to me?” It was most romantic.MRS. TILSBURY.Why didn’t you stop her?SOPHIE.What could I do. The order came at that instant, forward, march. I had to obey.MRS. TILSBURY.You might have jumped into the taxicab with her.SOPHIE.Then we might both have been destroyed. No, I stayed safe to protect her and took the number of the cab—2961.MRS. THOM.See what mental training does for a woman. Miss Slavinsky is a business woman. She has learned to control her emotions and to use her judgment. Instead of madly jumping into the cab after Mildred as Mrs. Tilsbury suggests, she very wisely made a note in her mind of the number so that the cab could be traced.MRS. BROWN.Suppose she has made a mistake in the number and that we trace the wrong cab? I very often think that I can remember a telephone number, and that I won’t take the trouble to look it up in that difficult telephone directory. So I give the number to Central and some one I don’t know at all answers the call. I don’t let on to Central, however. I look up the right number and repeat it to her and scold her for having given me the wrong one in the first place,but it all takes a lot more time than if I had not depended upon my memory for numbers.MRS. THOM.Miss Slavinsky’s profession as an usheress in a theatre trains her memory for numbers. She has to remember the number of the seats.SOPHIE.Mr. Becker does not agree with you, Mrs. Thom.MR. BECKER.Your memory is only too good, Miss Slavinsky.MRS. THOM.Here we are talking when we are not yet sure whether Mildred is in the house or not. That may be another banner of the Daughters of the Danaïdes or that man may have sent it here to get it out of his way so that he might not be traced by its presence. The motto of the D. D.’s is,Savoir et faire,—“To know and to do.” Mrs. Tilsbury, will you ascertain if your step-daughter is in the house or not, so that we may act accordingly.MRS. BROWN.(To the men.)Savoir et faire—what a difference that little word “et” makes?MRS. TILSBURY.I will go and see. (Goes out.)MRS. THOM.I hope that both of you gentlemen are supporters of the cause.MR. VAN TOUSEL.(Blithely.) I am.SOPHIE.Mr. Van Tousel is a hero, Mrs. Thom.MRS. THOM.Have you signed the petition?MR. VAN TOUSEL.(Blankly.) What petition?MRS. THOM.The petition to the Legislature of the State asking them to enfranchise the enslaved part of its population. You evidently have not signed it or you would know, I suppose—or are you one of those gentlemen of leisure who leave all their thinking andacting to their secretaries? Here. (Takes roll of paper out of her pocket.) You might as well sign it now. Is there pen and ink in that desk over there or is it a purely ornamental piece of furniture?MR. VAN TOUSEL.(Meekly taking the paper and going over to the desk with it.) Where shall I sign it, Mrs. Thom?MRS. THOM.Right there under the last one. You have not forgotten how to sign your name, I suppose. Even people living on an unearned income are obliged to endorse their dividend checks, I believe.MR. BECKER.Unless their investments are in bonds and then they only need a pair of scissors. In that case, the shears is mightier than the pen.MRS. BROWN.(Aside toMR. BECKER.) Is Mrs. Thom a socialist, Mr. Becker?MR. BECKER.It looks like it. You believe in universal brotherhood, I presume, Mrs. Thom?MRS. THOM.If it includes the sisterhood also, Mr. Becker. (ToMR. VAN TOUSEL.) Ah, that is right. Think how pleased your mother will be.MR. VAN TOUSEL.My mother doesn’t believe in the enfranchisement of women, Mrs. Thom. She is Vice-President of the Women’s Anti-Suffrage League.MRS. THOM.Your mother doesn’t believe in the enfranchisement of women! She is a disgrace to her sex. It is the women who, coddled in the lap of luxury, are unwilling to turn outfrom their enervatingseraglios to do an honest day’s work for the hard-working women and girls of the People who do the most damage to the cause! It is they whom tricky politicians make use of when they say that they wouldgive their support to the enfranchisement of our sex if they thought that the majority of women really wanted to vote.MR. VAN TOUSEL.But my mother doesn’t live in a seraglio, Mrs. Thom.MRS. THOM.Oh, I know, they don’t call it by that name in polite society because here in New York the rule is, different wives, different roofs, and one is not supposed to know of the existence of the other. One lives in a brown stone Fifth Avenue mansion, and another in a Harlem flat.MR. VAN TOUSEL.But, Mrs. Thom, my mother is a widow.MRS. THOM.Then she should be on our subscription list. She can’t give the excuse that her husband does not approve of it. I will call and see her. (Takes out notebook and writes in it.) Now, Mr. Becker, please, directly below Mr. Van Tousel.MRS. BROWN.(Aside.) She talks like a dentist.MR. BECKER.I will not sign the petition, Mrs. Thom. I do not want women to have the vote.MRS. THOM.You don’t believe in “the cause”!MR. BECKER.I do not consider it a cause.MRS. THOM.Oh, you are one of those men who try to raise themselves by keeping women down. You are a dog in the manger, who never has and never will do any good for your country, yourself, and who tries to keep others from being patriotic. The vote of women means the purification of the government. Well, we don’t want your signature. It will never represent anything. (Rolls up petition and puts in her pocket.)SOPHIE.How did you enjoy the play the other night, Mr. Van Tousel? Did I not usher you in beautifully? Don’t you think women ushers beat the men?MR. VAN TOUSEL.You were certainly very attentive, Miss Slavinsky.SOPHIE.Come again, Mr. Van Tousel, and let me usher you again to your seat. It is nice to care for a real gentleman who neither jollies one nor finds faults about trifles. Remember the centre aisle.(Re-enterMRS. TILSBURY.)MRS. TILSBURY.Mildred is back. She is completely exhausted and is lying down. It seems she found the banner too heavy for her. A strange man did see her home. Here is his card: “Mr. Edward Melvin, Harmony Club.”MRS. THOM.What a narrow escape for her.SOPHIE.We might never have heard of her again.MRS. BROWN.You forget your number, Miss Slavinsky.MRS. TILSBURY.I cannot think what got into Mildred. She is usually so diffident with strangers. She wants to see you, Mrs. Thom; you too, Miss Slavinksy. Will you come up to her room? (She starts to leave the room but is stopped byVAN TOUSEL.)MR. VAN TOUSEL.One moment, Mrs. Tilsbury. I am afraid I cannot stay any longer. We have an early dinner to-night, because my mother is to preside at a meeting of the X.Y.Z. The President is ill, and she as Vice-President must be there on time. I promised to be home promptly. Let me thank you for a delightful afternoon. To see a noble army ofmartyrs—of women I mean, marching through the street in thinly clad delicate feet, bearing heavy banners for the sake of freedom, is an inspiring sight. It should make every man stop and think how much he owes to that other sex which we are accustomed to look upon as less enduring than our own.SOPHIE.Mr. Van Tousel, you give me thrills.MRS. THOM.Mr. Van Tousel, it is a pleasure to have met you.MR. BECKER.(ToMRS. BROWN.) Having signed the petition and thereby sold his birthright for a mess of pottage, he is bound to tell every one how good it is and how much he likes pottage. I admire his obstinacy.SOPHIE.I must go too. I forgot I have an engagement, Mrs. Thom. Give my love to Mildred. I will come and see her to-morrow. Will you be so kind as to put me in a car, Mr. Van Tousel, at the corner please. The cops are so rough to a poorly dressed working girl who is out alone after dark. They say, “I will run you in if I catch you again.” Good-night, Mrs. Tilsbury, Good-night, Mrs. Brown. Good-night, Mr. Woman Hater.MRS. THOM.Good-night, Sophie. I know the way to Mildred’s room, Mrs. Tilsbury. You need not leave your friends. (Goes out.)MRS. TILSBURY.Good-night, Mr. Van Tousel. I am sorry that you must go so soon and that we shall not have our little game. I hope it is only postponed however. (MRS. TILSBURYshakes hands withMR. VAN TOUSEL,who goes out, followed bySOPHIE.)MRS. TILSBURY.Excuse me a moment. I will beright back. I don’t want Mrs. Thom to excite Mildred.MRS. BROWN.Wait, and tell us something about Mrs. Thom.MR. BECKER.The lady seems to know her way about.MRS. TILSBURY.Don’t you know who she is? Why she is one of the most important fighters for “the cause.” Don’t you remember the lawsuit she brought last year against the bootblack at the entrance to the Brooklyn Bridge? She wanted to sit up in his chair and have her boots blackened during the rush hours and the boy objected and said it wasn’t customary. They got into a dispute while a whole line of men were kept waiting. Finally the bootblack became angry and declared he would not do it and that he had not the facilities for blackening ladies’ boots. She said that she didn’t wear ladies’ boots and he replied that “of course, since she wasn’t a lady, she couldn’t wear ladies’ boots, but he’d be darned if he would touch her old footgear anyway.” The newspapers were full of the case. I wonder you did not read about it, but I suppose you were not interested. Mildred read it aloud to me because she is a friend of Mrs. Thom.MRS. BROWN.Did Mrs. Thom bring an action against the bootblack?MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, she claimed that blackening boots is a public utility service and that a bootblack stand in the street occupies public property and should be open to all taxpayers, men or women. The boy retaliated by demanding damages for his loss of patronage while he and Mrs. Thom were fighting itout. He said it was more difficult to please women than men and that he didn’t want women clients, that the women would be setting up boot stands next and taking all the trade away from the men just as they were trying to do in the newspaper selling. The Anti’s took up the controversy and said it was improper for women to have fromtheir boots blackenedin public because they were obliged to lift their skirts too high. I can’t stay any longer. Mrs. Thom will have talked Mildred out of her last cent.MRS. BROWN.Tell us first, which won out, Mrs. Thom or the bootblack?MRS. TILSBURY.Can you ask, having met Mrs. Thom? (She goes out.)MRS. BROWN.Mr. Becker, it seems to me that you and I are the only two people around here who have any sense left. I can see that you believe in the old-fashioned doctrine that the man should go out into the world to make his fame and fortune and that the woman should try to make a happy home to which he may return. That is my doctrine also.MR. BECKER.“Man for the field and woman for the hearth.”MRS. BROWN.Exactly. How concisely expressed. Is that original, Mr. Becker?MR. BECKER.No. It is from Tennyson’sPrincess.MRS. BROWN.You are so clever. You know everything. I couldn’t help but admire the way you answered Mrs. Thom. Why do women make such fools of themselves? They can never be so clever as men. Why do they try to be?MR. BECKER.My dear Mrs. Brown, I cannot tell you what pleasure it has given me to have met you to-day, to come across one sensible, well balanced woman in this crowd of neurotic, hysterical feminists. Women are making the great mistake nowadays of thinking of themselves as a separate class instead of as a sex, that half of humanity which, keeping within its hemisphere of duties and responsibilities, makes the completion and perfection of the whole. The feminine sex is like—like a tire on the wheel of an automobile. The tire is of no use without the revolving power imparted by the engine to the wheel, and then it is the means of furnishing a smooth motion to the car and of preventing jars and dislocations of the machinery. This has always been woman’s true function, the elimination of the jolts of life so that men’s more aggressive activities may proceed gently on.MRS. BROWN.Oh, Mr. Becker. What a charming expression and how original—women’s hemisphere. I have always rather resented the expression woman’s sphere—as if women had no share in the human interest but were apart by themselves. But women’s hemisphere! Why it reminds me of a cotillion figure where one goes around to find the holder of the other half of a favor. It is like clasping hands. Do let us shake hands on that expression, Mr. Becker. (They shake hands warmly.)MR. BECKER.Yes, women seem to be losing sight of the fact that their interests are identical with those of men, that, therefore, they are represented now, and that to vote themselves would only mean sex antagonismand an increased multiplicity of our already too numerous ballots.MRS. BROWN.What is that smell of scorching? Oh, Mr. Becker, I am afraid it is Cochon in the wood-box. It was too near the fire. Oh, take him away, quick!MR. BECKER.(Lifting pig out of the wood-box.) It is only his blanket that is slightly scorched. Your pet seems to be all right, Mrs. Brown.MRS. BROWN.Oh, my dear little piggy-wiggy. Did his muzzer forget all about her owny-tony, while she was talking about those horrid women’s rights? It was a shame, so it was. (Takes off blanket.) No, he is not hurt at all. How fortunate!MR. BECKER.You do not admire Lamb’s Essay on Roast Pig, I take it, Mrs. Brown?MRS. BROWN.An Essay on Roast Pig? What a subject. Is it a cook-book?MR. BECKER.No, but a very appetizing article. If you should read it, Mrs. Brown, you would regret that you remembered your pet so soon. I will send you a copy of the essay.MRS. BROWN.How cruel you are, Mr. Becker. I was just going to ask you to call, but now I do not know whether it would be kind to Cochon.MR. BECKER.I will call and bring the book with me. We think alike about roasting Woman Suffrage, why not the same about roasting pigs?MRS. BROWN.When you see Cochon in his dear little basket with its blue lining perhaps you will think differently and prefer roast chicken.MR. BECKER.We will see. I must go now. Ihear Mrs. Thom coming down-stairs and I do not want to see her again.MRS. BROWN.You are afraid of a woman after all. You have been saying that they make life easy like a tire on an automobile.MR. BECKER.You know what happens when a tire breaks. Mrs. Thom is a broken tire and I can hear the gas rapidly escaping now. Good-bye, good-bye. Make my excuses to Mrs. Tilsbury, please. I shall bring the book very soon. (MR. BECKERgoes out hurriedly by one door asMRS. THOMandMRS. TILSBURYenter by the other.)MRS. THOM.Dear child, how generous she is. Always wanting to give to “the cause.” I forgot to ask her to make out that check to my order, because our treasurer has just resigned. She had a disagreement with an auditor about the way she kept the books and we have not had time to elect another. Will you tell Mildred, please?MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, I’ll tell her. The check to your order as President of the Association.MRS. THOM.Now, Mrs. Brown, I hope you are going to give up fondling that dirty little pig and show yourself to be a true woman, loyal to the cause of freedom. There is a vacancy in the Daughters of the Danaïdes—for we keep strictly to a limited number in our sub-societies. I will propose you, Miss Tilsbury will second you, and there you are. The dues are ten cents a month, but of course each member is expected to contribute according to her means. If you should sell that nicely fattened pig to a butcher, you could give us a tidy little sum without feeling it.MRS. BROWN.Mrs. Thom, Cochon has just escaped a terrible death from the flames. He shall not be handed over to the sword. He shall not be made a victim to the modern woman’s propensity to desert the home and children, to philander around after responsibilities for which she is unfitted by nature. As Mr. Becker just quoted so beautifully, “Man for the field and woman for the hearth.”MRS. THOM.Well, it’s the baseball field and golf field then, I guess. As for the hearth, give me steam heat—it’s cleaner and has more go to it.MRS. TILSBURY.Why, where is Mr. Becker?MRS. BROWN.He has gone home or to his Club. I think that he has had all of women’s rights that he can stand for one afternoon. If you make enemies of all the men who have the power to grant the vote to women, Mrs. Thom, how are you going to obtain it? Get what you want first and fight the men afterwards, that would be my advice. I always followed that method with Mr. Brown.MRS. THOM.You were consistent to the end. You got what you wanted when your husband died, and you fought his will afterwards. Well, we don’t follow the methods of the so-called feminine women in putting forward the cause. We don’t wheedle for our rights. We demand them.MRS. BROWN.But if you can’t enforce your demands, what do you do then?MRS. THOM.We will follow the example of the Roman women who, when unjust laws were enacted restricting the cost of their wearing apparel and jewelry, withdrew to the hill outside of the city, andstayed away from Rome until the men yielded and let them wear what they chose.MRS. TILSBURY.If the men won’t give us the vote, we women will all go to Paris and stay there until they grant it. How lovely!MRS. BROWN.What will you live on in Paris if the men refuse to send funds? The bankers are all men still, my dear.MRS. THOM.It shows that you have not seriously studied the subject, Mrs. Brown, or you would not make such foolish remarks. There is nothing to prevent women from becoming bankers.MRS. BROWN.Except that they haven’t the gold.MRS. THOM.They can melt their jewelry. It would be better than wearing it like a bought Circassian slave.MRS. BROWN.Well, I think that when all the other women go to Paris, I shall stay in New York. It would be rather nice to be the only woman in New York with all the bankers.MRS. TILSBURY.Don’t think you will be the only one to have that bright thought, Imogene; you will probably find plenty of other women staying behind to keep you company.MRS. THOM.I regret to say it, Mrs. Brown, but women like you are the drag on the wheel of progress.MRS. BROWN.Well, that is better than to be a broken tire, Mrs. Thom; the wheels stop altogether then.MRS. THOM.A broken tire? I do not understand what you are trying to say.MRS. BROWN.Why, Mr. Becker says——MRS. THOM.I am not interested in what Mr. Becker says. Women who act as phonographs for men are not in my line. Good-bye, Mrs. Tilsbury. I will come in to see Mildred in a day or two. Don’t forget about the check, please. To my order, Mary Henrietta Thom.MRS. TILSBURY.As President of the Association.MRS. THOM.If there is room. It isn’t necessary. (MRS. THOMgoes out, bowing stiffly toMRS. BROWN.)MRS. TILSBURY.Oh dear, she has made Mildred give a larger sum than ever before. I don’t know what to do—it is a perfect shame.MRS. BROWN.Start Mildred on something else. You have had enough of women’s rights.MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, but everything costs. All the “causes” are expensive. It doesn’t make any difference whether they are charitable, socialistic, political, or artistic, they are all in need of funds. So many appeals come every day that I have been obliged to buy a bigger scrap-basket and the ash-man has raised his price. He says old paper is of no use to him unless we have a currency reform.MRS. BROWN.Well, a husband would be more expensive still.MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, to support a husband in a style he has not been accustomed to is very expensive. Poor Mildred, I don’t see what I shall do.MRS. BROWN.I hope you admired the way I carried off Mr. Van Tousel.MRS. TILSBURY.Well, I don’t know. I thought from the expression on your face when Mrs. Thom and I came back from seeing Mildred that you had beenflirting more seriously with Mr. Becker. He is not at all dangerous because he holds such a low opinion about the ability of women, but Mr. Van Tousel is wriggling his way straight into Mildred’s heart with his pretended interest in “the cause.”MRS. BROWN.I must confess I like Mr. Becker best. He is more of a man and therefore more manageable. Besides there is Mr. Van Tousel’s mother. She is vice-president in so many societies that she might want to be president in her son’s house.MRS. TILSBURY.I wasn’t thinking about your marrying one of them, Imogene.MRS. BROWN.I know you were not, but I was. I can’t marry Mr. Van Tousel, I am afraid, not even for your sake, Josephine, but don’t worry about him. I do not believe he can ever win Mildred. She is too sensible to be attracted by him. Mr. Becker is the dangerous man. Unlike seeks unlike, you know. I will do what I can to change Mr. Becker’s thoughts, but you must help me. Ask us to dinner together again.MRS. TILSBURY.Did you notice how that Slavinsky girl made eyes at Mr. Van Tousel? She is a horribly bold girl.MRS. BROWN.Yes, she will probably keep him busy. Now, you have cleared the field of two suitors in one afternoon, but what will you do if another man turns up? I can’t divorce Mr. Becker and start in on some one else in order to protect Mildred; besides that would leave Mr. Becker free and open to consolation.MRS. TILSBURY.Oh dear, I don’t know what I shall ever do. I am worried to death with the complicationsthat have arisen in this house recently. Here is the cook striking because she says women are imposed upon in a country where they are not allowed to vote. She is going out to California, since the franchise has been given to women there, for she says that although she voted before she left her home in Norway, she is afraid she will forget how if she doesn’t keep in practice.MRS. BROWN.Why, I did not know that one could forget how to vote. I thought it was like swimming, once learned always remembered. I have known men who have not voted for years because they forgot to register or wanted to play golf on election day or some other silly reason, and then suddenly they would vote again because they said it was an election that was important for the business interests of the country. They never seemed to forget how to vote.MRS. TILSBURY.Helma says it is the same as her cooking. If she doesn’t make a dish every day or two she loses the knack of it. George complains awfully when she gives us the same thing too often, but what can I do? Helma says, too, that she wants to reach California before the next presidential election because she wishes to write home how she helped to elect a President of the great United States.MRS. BROWN.Well, you can’t mind her leaving if Mr. Tilsbury is growing tired of her cooking.MRS. TILSBURY.Yes I do; the next one will probably be worse. Katy is going away too. She is going to marry right away because her intended says that if she stays any longer in this house of insurgents, he won’t marry her at all! Mrs. Thom is workingMildred for all she is worth, and you are flirting with Mr. Becker instead of Mr. Van Tousel. George will be so cross when he hears it all. Everything seems to be in a muddle.MRS. BROWN.Don’t be so discouraged. I must go now, but I will run in to-morrow and we will try and arrange something. Perhaps you might get Mildred interested in collecting postal cards. That would be a cheap pursuit, unless it was discovered that the ancient Egyptians used them and you had to pay a fabulous price for a postal card from Cleopatra to Mark Antony encrusted with pearls.MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, come to-morrow, Imogene; perhaps you can help me.MRS. BROWN.Good-bye, dear. Cheer up.(MRS. BROWNpicks up Cochon and goes out. Curtain.)

The scene is the same as in Act I. The room is empty whenMILDREDenters withEDWARD MELVIN.She is dressed in a short white serge dress with green sash and purple band over the left shoulder, draped like the garter ribbon.Melvincarries a large white banner on which is painted in green and purple letters, “Daughters of the Danaïdes.”

The scene is the same as in Act I. The room is empty whenMILDREDenters withEDWARD MELVIN.She is dressed in a short white serge dress with green sash and purple band over the left shoulder, draped like the garter ribbon.Melvincarries a large white banner on which is painted in green and purple letters, “Daughters of the Danaïdes.”

MILDRED.(Half hysterical.) You have been so kind to me, I shall never forget it. I do not know what I should have done without your help. I thought I was going to faint right there in the street, and the crowd was jeering so. Then you suddenly appeared like a Lohengrin and seized the standard and assisted me down the side street. I could never have reached home if you had not hailed the taxicab and brought me back. I should have been afraid to take a street taxicab myself. One hears such awful stories about kidnapping.

MR. MELVIN.Yet you were not afraid to go with me—a perfect stranger!

MILDRED.I knew the Club on the corner out of which you ran, what nice men belong to it. Those inthe window were all joking you when you left them, but you didn’t care. You came and helped me in spite of everything. When you were beside me and I could see your eyes, I felt sure you were to be trusted. I didn’t think anything more about it.

MR. MELVIN.(Slightly embarrassed.) How heavy this banner is. They should not have given it to a child like you to carry. It would be a weighty burden for a man.

MILDRED.I am not a child! It is this short skirt that makes me look like one. I am over eighteen years old. The members of the Society chose me as standard bearer because it is a great honor. They said that I had done so much for the cause both in contributions and personal service that it was my right to carry the banner.

MR. MELVIN.So you contribute to the Campaign Funds. Well, that is an important thing to do, the most important perhaps.

MILDRED.Oh, I didn’t mean to give the impression that I have given so much. I really only give what I ought, because you see most of the members are factory girls and typewriters, self-supporting women who have all they can do to pay their monthly dues of ten cents.

MR. MELVIN.(Reading from the banner.) “Daughters of the Danaïdes.” So that is the name of your society, is it?

MILDRED.Yes. Mrs. Dunstan chose it. She is so clever and has read everything. She says it is an alliteration worthy of Henry James.

MR. MELVIN.Do you know what the Danaïdes did?

MILDRED.(Solemnly.) They murdered their husbands.

MR. MELVIN.Is that the purpose of your Society? Have you all vowed to murder your husbands?

MILDRED.I don’t think we shall any of us ever marry.

MR. MELVIN.How about Mrs. Dunstan?

MILDRED.Oh, she divorced hers.

MR. MELVIN.Don’t you think a man ought to be afraid of you when you belong to such a murderously named society?

MILDRED.Mrs. Dunstan explained to us that ours was symbolic, that we must kill figuratively by destroying the peace of every man who does not believe in Woman Suffrage.

MR. MELVIN.Are you going to begin by destroying mine?

MILDRED.Don’t you believe in Woman Suffrage?

MR. MELVIN.Not for you.

MILDRED.Why not for me?

MR. MELVIN.Because you are too pretty.

MILDRED.How ridiculous! What has looks to do with it? Homely men vote.

MR. MELVIN.(Looking up at the painting.) Is that your mother’s portrait?

MILDRED.Yes, how did you know it? Everyone says I don’t look a bit like her.

MR. MELVIN.Your smile is the same.

MILDRED.I wish the portrait were mine.

MR. MELVIN.Isn’t it?

MILDRED.No. My mother willed it to my father. She left everything else to me, but I would rather have had the portrait and not so much money.

MR. MELVIN.Do you remember your mother?

MILDRED.Yes. She only died six years ago. I often come down here in the evenings when my father and stepmother are out and curl up in that corner of the sofa and try to recall what she said to me when I was a little girl and to imagine how she would advise me now, when I am puzzled what to do.

MR. MELVIN.Was she a supporter of votes for women too?

MILDRED.When mother was alive, Woman Suffrage was not so prominent. Of course, there were societies and clubs but they were composed more of professional women, doctors, and lawyers. Society women had not taken it up and I don’t suppose mother ever thought anything about the subject.

MR. MELVIN.Wise woman. That is the best way to treat it. You would be much happier if you didn’t think anything about it.

MILDRED.But those poor girls, they have to struggle so hard to get a living. I must help them.

MR. MELVIN.Helping them is a different proposition, but would the vote help them so much at present?

MILDRED.It is a great power.

MR. MELVIN.So great a power that if your girls had the vote, there are plenty of people who would try to control it for them. Try to improve the ideals of your girls, in dress and in way of living. Try to bring about an improvement in the conditions of their work, but don’t mix them up in politics. Not just yet anyway.

MILDRED.Mrs. Thom says it is the only way.

MR. MELVIN.Who is Mrs. Thom?

MILDRED.She is one of our greatest leaders.

MR. MELVIN.Did you ever wonder what your mother would have said to all this tomfoolery? Don’t you care more for your mother’s opinion than for that of Mrs. Thom?

MILDRED.Why do you call it tomfoolery?

MR. MELVIN.Can you call it anything else? These parades and platform speeches, these huge badges and conspicuous standards? Daughters of the Danaïdes! Do you know what punishment was inflicted upon the Danaïdes?

MILDRED.No.

MR. MELVIN.They were condemned to carry water in a sieve.

MILDRED.(After a slight pause.) You mean that my efforts in the cause of Woman Suffrage are futile? That I am trying to carry water in a sieve?

MR. MELVIN.Are you getting any results?

MILDRED.We increased our membership last year from two hundred to over a thousand.

MR. MELVIN.Statistics. Have you gained anything? Made any real advance?Do your membersreally want to vote?

MILDRED.How can you talk to me in this way! There are a great many nice and clever women in our Society who believe in the enfranchisement of women sincerely, and would make any sacrifice to accomplish it. Look at my stepmother. She is naturally fond of art and fond of society, but she has neglected both to work in the cause. We are not trying to carry water in a sieve.

MR. MELVIN.Forgive me. I did not mean toannoy you. You are so tired too. Run and lie down now, and forget all about women’s rights and wrongs for a while. I am going to ask you to let me call again sometime and you shall try to convert me. Here is my card. Your father will know who I am.

MILDRED.(Taking card.) Thank you. I do feel rather done up. Thank you again for seeing me home.

(MELVINleaves by one door.MILDREDgoes over to the banner which he has left on a chair, rolls it up and puts it in a corner. Then she leaves the room by the other door.)

(MELVINleaves by one door.MILDREDgoes over to the banner which he has left on a chair, rolls it up and puts it in a corner. Then she leaves the room by the other door.)

EnterMRS. TILSBURY,MRS. BROWN,MR. BECKER,andMR. VAN TOUSEL.

EnterMRS. TILSBURY,MRS. BROWN,MR. BECKER,andMR. VAN TOUSEL.

MRS. TILSBURY.Well, the parade is over, thank goodness. Now we four will have a nice little game of Auction. Half a cent a point, no more. What do you say, Imogene?

MRS. BROWN.I don’t know whether I dare. I have been losing so all the week. I don’t half believe in playing for money, Josephine. Our Rector gave us such a touching sermon about it last week I almost cried in church.

MR. VAN TOUSEL.Oh, come along, Mrs. Brown, be a sport. Probably you will win to-day. I always find myself even at the end of the year when I play often enough.

MR. BECKER.Yes, one’s gains and losses generally balance in the long run. We can’t play auction withouthaving a little something at stake. It makes one careless in one’s game.

MRS. BROWN.Well, I will play one rubber at half a cent a point, and if I win I will play another, but where shall I put Cochon?

MRS. TILSBURY.Here, give him to me. I’ll put him in the wood-box. It has not been filled as usual.

MRS. BROWN.But it is so hard. Put this sofa-cushion in first.

MRS. TILSBURY.Stop, that is my best sofa-cushion. Here, I’ll put your muff under. It is so big and soft, it will fill it up nicely.

MRS. BROWN.No, he can’t have that, it is my new muff. Perhaps he won’t find the wooden boards so hard after all, he is growing pretty fat. Did ’oo mind the bare boards, dearie? Will ’oo be comfy in the wood-box? Oh, did I tell you the experience I had yesterday in regard to him? A well-dressed woman stopped me in the street and showed me a badge of the S.P.C.A. She said that she lived across the street from me and had often noticed my little dog. She wished to tell me that he was out of proportion across the haunches, probably because I did not feed him properly, and that unless I gave the matter my immediate attention and changed his diet, she would have me arrested for maltreating an animal. She went on to say that she had often tried to get a photograph of the dog to present as an exhibit to the society, but that I never seemed to take him out in the daytime, which was another example of my cruelty to him.

MRS. TILSBURY.Did you ever! What are we coming to? What did you say to her?

MR. BECKER.Just as I said, Mrs. Brown. You women are determined to break the laws. You seem to think that laws are made only to be broken.

MRS. TILSBURY.

The men of New York take pleasure in makingLaws that the women take pleasure in breaking.

The men of New York take pleasure in makingLaws that the women take pleasure in breaking.

The men of New York take pleasure in makingLaws that the women take pleasure in breaking.

The men of New York take pleasure in making

Laws that the women take pleasure in breaking.

Do tell us, Imogene, what answer did you make to that impertinent woman?

MRS. BROWN.I told her to mind her own business.

MR. VAN TOUSEL.Excellent.

MRS. TILSBURY.What did she say to that?

MRS. BROWN.She said she was minding her own business but that she was going to mind it still better, as I should soon find out. I am afraid I shall be forced to move.

MR. BECKER.Or to give up Cochon.

MRS. BROWN.Give up Cochon! Why, Mr. Becker, I love Cochon just as much as though he were a dog, and do you know what sacrifices women make for the sake of their dogs? There is Mrs. Davenant for instance. She received a perfectly wonderful invitation to visit some people of title in England and because she could not take her little chow dog Peeksie with her unless she was separated from him for two weeks while he was shut up in that odious Quarantine, she refused the invitation. She said she had never been away from Peeksie for a night since she had first bought him two years ago. She wrote to the Port authorities and offered to go to the Quarantine with Peeksie, but they replied that there was no room for her, that the largest pen was three feet by five for a St. Bernard.

MRS. TILSBURY.I hope Mrs. Davenant took that for a reflection on her size. She is really growing enormous. She ought to roll more.

MR. BECKER.Does Mr. Davenant like to have that dog around his room all night?

MRS. BROWN.No, he and Mrs. Davenant have been occupying different rooms ever since Peeksie came. Mr. Davenant got up once in the dark and kicked her.

ALL.Kicked Mrs. Davenant!

MRS. BROWN.No, Peeksie! He said it was by mistake but Mrs. Davenant was never quite sure that it was.

(MRS. TILSBURYgoes to corner of room and arranges table.)

(MRS. TILSBURYgoes to corner of room and arranges table.)

MR. VAN TOUSEL.That S.P.C.A. is a worthy society although the zeal of one member seems to have been misdirected in your case, Mrs. Brown. My mother is vice-president of one of its branches.

MRS. BROWN.Your mother seems to be vice-president in a good many societies, Mr. Van Tousel.

MR. VAN TOUSEL.Yes, in sixty-three.

MRS. BROWN.Any Suffragists’ Society?

MR. VAN TOUSEL.No. I regret to say my mother is an anti-suffragist. She says she has no time to vote. She calls herself an old-fashioned woman.

MR. BECKER.I should like to meet your mother, Van Tousel.

MRS. BROWN.So should I.

MR. BECKER.To try and make a Suffragist of her, I suppose. You women are all natural proselytizers.

MRS. BROWN.No, indeed. I should like to meet Mrs. Van Tousel because she is an old-fashioned woman. I am an old-fashioned woman and like seeks like.

MR. BECKER.You an old-fashioned woman? How absurd! How about your Bridge playing?

MRS. BROWN.I only do that to please my friends. Old-fashioned women were brought up to study how to please.

MR. BECKER.And Cochon, there, doesn’t he make you up-to-date?

MRS. BROWN.He is a domestic animal, a barn yard animal, and all old-fashioned women used to busy themselves about barn yard animals. I remember when I was a little girl, I used to go with my grandmother on the farm every morning to see the pigs fed. It is only lately, Mr. Becker, that the hog business has been incorporated and taken away from the list of home activities. Women’s work used to be in the home, but now they are driven out to work in factories and offices. Women used to be guardians of the hearth like the Vestal Virgins, but now they are driven out into the world to earn money to pay for the gas that the gas stove consumes. Instead of the “eternal flame,” we have the intermittent gas jet. My cook tries to make it eternal though, she always forgets to turn it off.

MR. VAN TOUSEL.Bravo, Mrs. Brown. We shall soon have you on the platform making speeches.

MRS. BROWN.Not on your life. I was only trying to point out the changes in the times to Mr. Becker.

MRS. TILSBURY.(Returning.) How shall we play?You and Mr. Van Tousel, Imogene, and Mr. Becker and I?

MR. BECKER.We should cut for partners. You women never have a sense of fair play.

MRS. BROWN.Is cutting the cards fair play, Mr. Becker? I thought it was chance.

MRS. TILSBURY.I thought we would begin that way and pivot afterwards.

MR. BECKER.It is always better to begin fairly. We may not have time for more than one rubber. (They cut for partners.)

MRS. BROWN.Well, you and I seem to be partners, Josephine.

MR. VAN TOUSEL.Oh, that won’t do. The ladies against the gentlemen.

MR. BECKER.It is quite appropriate for the ending of to-day. Sex against sex. It is your deal, Mrs. Tilsbury? shall I make up the cards?

MRS. TILSBURY.Oh, dear, the points of these pencils are all broken. Will some one sharpen them?

MR. BECKER.That means you and me, Van Tousel. I have never seen a woman who could sharpen a pencil.

MRS. BROWN.It is certainly much nicer to have some one else to do it. Sharpening pencils is such dirty work. (The men sharpen the pencils while the women look on.)

MRS. BROWN.Did you ever see anything so funny as that parade anyway? There wasn’t a decently dressed woman in the whole crowd nor a good-looking one either—(suddenly remembering where she is)—except Mildred.

MRS. TILSBURY.Those women with the sandwich boards with “Votes for Women” painted on them were as shapeless as the boards.

MRS. BROWN.The United Home Helpers Union seemed to me to have the most style.

MRS. TILSBURY.That is because most of them are domestic servants, and they were wearing their mistresses’ old clothes or new ones. My cook asked me to give her my second-best tailor-made suit and I did not dare to refuse for fear she would leave before my dinner-party next week. I am sure she will go immediately after. I hated to give it to her for it was in very good condition. Now, I have nothing but my best one to wear in the mornings.

MRS. BROWN.I wouldn’t mind that. Gwendolen Jones had one exactly like it except it is gray instead of heliotrope. If you wear yours in the morning, she can hardly go on wearing hers to Bridge parties in the afternoons as if it were something dressy. She will be furious with you, for she will be compelled to get something new at last.

MRS. TILSBURY.Gwendolen wasn’t in the parade, was she?

MRS. BROWN.No, not one of what the newspapers call the society women marched. They seemed to lack the courage of their convictions.

MR. VAN TOUSEL.Perhaps they were afraid of making themselves conspicuous.

MRS. BROWN.They have been making themselves notorious in the newspapers lately.

MR. BECKER.That is a very different thing. If they marched in the street every one would see themas they are, but if described in the newspapers they appear flatteringly represented by flattered reporters.

MRS. BROWN.The men who marched looked awfully shamefaced. Most of them looked like tramps at one dollar per head from the way they walked. Why didn’t you march, Mr. Van Tousel?

MR. VAN TOUSEL.I felt it my duty to act as escort to you ladies.

MRS. BROWN.I wouldn’t dare ask you why you didn’t march, Mr. Becker. You might scalp me instead of the pencil. Did any of you notice the girl who carried the banner in the Confederation of Lady Milliners. She reeled about as if she were dizzy. (Sees banner in the corner.) Oh, there is Mildred’s banner against the wall. I can show you how she did it. (Picks up banner and staggers across the room with it.)

MRS. TILSBURY.Is that Mildred’s banner? Why the child must have come back. Nothing could separate her from her banner. I hope she was not taken ill. She looked quite well when she passed us. I did not suppose she would be back for two hours. I thought we would have plenty of time for our game.

MR. VAN TOUSEL.Doesn’t Miss Tilsbury allow you to play bridge?

MRS. TILSBURY.She doesn’t quite approve of it. She is so serious minded, dear child, she looks upon it as frivolous.

MR. BECKER.As the child is inclined, the parent is bent.

(EnterMRS. THOM,andMISS SLAVINSKY,her arm in a sling.)

(EnterMRS. THOM,andMISS SLAVINSKY,her arm in a sling.)

KATY.(Announcing.) Mrs. Mary Henrietta Thom, Miss Sophie Slavinsky.

MRS. TILSBURY.I am so pleased to see you, Mrs. Thom. Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Thom, Mr. Becker, Mr. Van Tousel. How do you do, Miss Slavinsky. You have met every one here before, I think.

SOPHIE.That’s the ticket. How do you do, everybody?

MRS. THOM.(Turning to everyone.) I came in, Mrs. Tilsbury, to inquire about Mildred. I have been so anxious about her.

MRS. TILSBURY.Then Mildred is at home? We just now saw her banner standing in the corner and I was going to ask if she had returned. I felt sure that she and her standard could not be far apart.

MRS. THOM.She is most loyal to her beliefs. I am anxious to hear that she is safely back. Miss Slavinsky is a Daughter of the Danaïdes and she ran forward at one of the halts——

MRS. BROWN.(Aside toMR. BECKER.) At which halt? It seemed to me to be a very halting procession.

MRS. THOM.—and she told me that Mildred had fainted and been carried off by a strange man in a taxicab.

ALL.What!

MRS. THOM.One hears such frightful stories about men enticing girls into taxicabs that I was much alarmed naturally and hurried here at once, meaning to give an alarm to the Police Station if she should not have returned.

MRS. BROWN.(Aside.) She wanted an excuse to get out of the procession.

MRS. TILSBURY.It was probably some man she knew, Mrs. Thom. Mildred would never go in a taxicab with a stranger.

SOPHIE.(Who has been making eyes atMR. VAN TOUSEL,interrupts excitedly.) No, Mrs. Tilsbury, she did not know him. I heard him say, “Although you have never seen me before, will you trust yourself to me?” It was most romantic.

MRS. TILSBURY.Why didn’t you stop her?

SOPHIE.What could I do. The order came at that instant, forward, march. I had to obey.

MRS. TILSBURY.You might have jumped into the taxicab with her.

SOPHIE.Then we might both have been destroyed. No, I stayed safe to protect her and took the number of the cab—2961.

MRS. THOM.See what mental training does for a woman. Miss Slavinsky is a business woman. She has learned to control her emotions and to use her judgment. Instead of madly jumping into the cab after Mildred as Mrs. Tilsbury suggests, she very wisely made a note in her mind of the number so that the cab could be traced.

MRS. BROWN.Suppose she has made a mistake in the number and that we trace the wrong cab? I very often think that I can remember a telephone number, and that I won’t take the trouble to look it up in that difficult telephone directory. So I give the number to Central and some one I don’t know at all answers the call. I don’t let on to Central, however. I look up the right number and repeat it to her and scold her for having given me the wrong one in the first place,but it all takes a lot more time than if I had not depended upon my memory for numbers.

MRS. THOM.Miss Slavinsky’s profession as an usheress in a theatre trains her memory for numbers. She has to remember the number of the seats.

SOPHIE.Mr. Becker does not agree with you, Mrs. Thom.

MR. BECKER.Your memory is only too good, Miss Slavinsky.

MRS. THOM.Here we are talking when we are not yet sure whether Mildred is in the house or not. That may be another banner of the Daughters of the Danaïdes or that man may have sent it here to get it out of his way so that he might not be traced by its presence. The motto of the D. D.’s is,Savoir et faire,—“To know and to do.” Mrs. Tilsbury, will you ascertain if your step-daughter is in the house or not, so that we may act accordingly.

MRS. BROWN.(To the men.)Savoir et faire—what a difference that little word “et” makes?

MRS. TILSBURY.I will go and see. (Goes out.)

MRS. THOM.I hope that both of you gentlemen are supporters of the cause.

MR. VAN TOUSEL.(Blithely.) I am.

SOPHIE.Mr. Van Tousel is a hero, Mrs. Thom.

MRS. THOM.Have you signed the petition?

MR. VAN TOUSEL.(Blankly.) What petition?

MRS. THOM.The petition to the Legislature of the State asking them to enfranchise the enslaved part of its population. You evidently have not signed it or you would know, I suppose—or are you one of those gentlemen of leisure who leave all their thinking andacting to their secretaries? Here. (Takes roll of paper out of her pocket.) You might as well sign it now. Is there pen and ink in that desk over there or is it a purely ornamental piece of furniture?

MR. VAN TOUSEL.(Meekly taking the paper and going over to the desk with it.) Where shall I sign it, Mrs. Thom?

MRS. THOM.Right there under the last one. You have not forgotten how to sign your name, I suppose. Even people living on an unearned income are obliged to endorse their dividend checks, I believe.

MR. BECKER.Unless their investments are in bonds and then they only need a pair of scissors. In that case, the shears is mightier than the pen.

MRS. BROWN.(Aside toMR. BECKER.) Is Mrs. Thom a socialist, Mr. Becker?

MR. BECKER.It looks like it. You believe in universal brotherhood, I presume, Mrs. Thom?

MRS. THOM.If it includes the sisterhood also, Mr. Becker. (ToMR. VAN TOUSEL.) Ah, that is right. Think how pleased your mother will be.

MR. VAN TOUSEL.My mother doesn’t believe in the enfranchisement of women, Mrs. Thom. She is Vice-President of the Women’s Anti-Suffrage League.

MRS. THOM.Your mother doesn’t believe in the enfranchisement of women! She is a disgrace to her sex. It is the women who, coddled in the lap of luxury, are unwilling to turn outfrom their enervatingseraglios to do an honest day’s work for the hard-working women and girls of the People who do the most damage to the cause! It is they whom tricky politicians make use of when they say that they wouldgive their support to the enfranchisement of our sex if they thought that the majority of women really wanted to vote.

MR. VAN TOUSEL.But my mother doesn’t live in a seraglio, Mrs. Thom.

MRS. THOM.Oh, I know, they don’t call it by that name in polite society because here in New York the rule is, different wives, different roofs, and one is not supposed to know of the existence of the other. One lives in a brown stone Fifth Avenue mansion, and another in a Harlem flat.

MR. VAN TOUSEL.But, Mrs. Thom, my mother is a widow.

MRS. THOM.Then she should be on our subscription list. She can’t give the excuse that her husband does not approve of it. I will call and see her. (Takes out notebook and writes in it.) Now, Mr. Becker, please, directly below Mr. Van Tousel.

MRS. BROWN.(Aside.) She talks like a dentist.

MR. BECKER.I will not sign the petition, Mrs. Thom. I do not want women to have the vote.

MRS. THOM.You don’t believe in “the cause”!

MR. BECKER.I do not consider it a cause.

MRS. THOM.Oh, you are one of those men who try to raise themselves by keeping women down. You are a dog in the manger, who never has and never will do any good for your country, yourself, and who tries to keep others from being patriotic. The vote of women means the purification of the government. Well, we don’t want your signature. It will never represent anything. (Rolls up petition and puts in her pocket.)

SOPHIE.How did you enjoy the play the other night, Mr. Van Tousel? Did I not usher you in beautifully? Don’t you think women ushers beat the men?

MR. VAN TOUSEL.You were certainly very attentive, Miss Slavinsky.

SOPHIE.Come again, Mr. Van Tousel, and let me usher you again to your seat. It is nice to care for a real gentleman who neither jollies one nor finds faults about trifles. Remember the centre aisle.

(Re-enterMRS. TILSBURY.)

MRS. TILSBURY.Mildred is back. She is completely exhausted and is lying down. It seems she found the banner too heavy for her. A strange man did see her home. Here is his card: “Mr. Edward Melvin, Harmony Club.”

MRS. THOM.What a narrow escape for her.

SOPHIE.We might never have heard of her again.

MRS. BROWN.You forget your number, Miss Slavinsky.

MRS. TILSBURY.I cannot think what got into Mildred. She is usually so diffident with strangers. She wants to see you, Mrs. Thom; you too, Miss Slavinksy. Will you come up to her room? (She starts to leave the room but is stopped byVAN TOUSEL.)

MR. VAN TOUSEL.One moment, Mrs. Tilsbury. I am afraid I cannot stay any longer. We have an early dinner to-night, because my mother is to preside at a meeting of the X.Y.Z. The President is ill, and she as Vice-President must be there on time. I promised to be home promptly. Let me thank you for a delightful afternoon. To see a noble army ofmartyrs—of women I mean, marching through the street in thinly clad delicate feet, bearing heavy banners for the sake of freedom, is an inspiring sight. It should make every man stop and think how much he owes to that other sex which we are accustomed to look upon as less enduring than our own.

SOPHIE.Mr. Van Tousel, you give me thrills.

MRS. THOM.Mr. Van Tousel, it is a pleasure to have met you.

MR. BECKER.(ToMRS. BROWN.) Having signed the petition and thereby sold his birthright for a mess of pottage, he is bound to tell every one how good it is and how much he likes pottage. I admire his obstinacy.

SOPHIE.I must go too. I forgot I have an engagement, Mrs. Thom. Give my love to Mildred. I will come and see her to-morrow. Will you be so kind as to put me in a car, Mr. Van Tousel, at the corner please. The cops are so rough to a poorly dressed working girl who is out alone after dark. They say, “I will run you in if I catch you again.” Good-night, Mrs. Tilsbury, Good-night, Mrs. Brown. Good-night, Mr. Woman Hater.

MRS. THOM.Good-night, Sophie. I know the way to Mildred’s room, Mrs. Tilsbury. You need not leave your friends. (Goes out.)

MRS. TILSBURY.Good-night, Mr. Van Tousel. I am sorry that you must go so soon and that we shall not have our little game. I hope it is only postponed however. (MRS. TILSBURYshakes hands withMR. VAN TOUSEL,who goes out, followed bySOPHIE.)

MRS. TILSBURY.Excuse me a moment. I will beright back. I don’t want Mrs. Thom to excite Mildred.

MRS. BROWN.Wait, and tell us something about Mrs. Thom.

MR. BECKER.The lady seems to know her way about.

MRS. TILSBURY.Don’t you know who she is? Why she is one of the most important fighters for “the cause.” Don’t you remember the lawsuit she brought last year against the bootblack at the entrance to the Brooklyn Bridge? She wanted to sit up in his chair and have her boots blackened during the rush hours and the boy objected and said it wasn’t customary. They got into a dispute while a whole line of men were kept waiting. Finally the bootblack became angry and declared he would not do it and that he had not the facilities for blackening ladies’ boots. She said that she didn’t wear ladies’ boots and he replied that “of course, since she wasn’t a lady, she couldn’t wear ladies’ boots, but he’d be darned if he would touch her old footgear anyway.” The newspapers were full of the case. I wonder you did not read about it, but I suppose you were not interested. Mildred read it aloud to me because she is a friend of Mrs. Thom.

MRS. BROWN.Did Mrs. Thom bring an action against the bootblack?

MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, she claimed that blackening boots is a public utility service and that a bootblack stand in the street occupies public property and should be open to all taxpayers, men or women. The boy retaliated by demanding damages for his loss of patronage while he and Mrs. Thom were fighting itout. He said it was more difficult to please women than men and that he didn’t want women clients, that the women would be setting up boot stands next and taking all the trade away from the men just as they were trying to do in the newspaper selling. The Anti’s took up the controversy and said it was improper for women to have fromtheir boots blackenedin public because they were obliged to lift their skirts too high. I can’t stay any longer. Mrs. Thom will have talked Mildred out of her last cent.

MRS. BROWN.Tell us first, which won out, Mrs. Thom or the bootblack?

MRS. TILSBURY.Can you ask, having met Mrs. Thom? (She goes out.)

MRS. BROWN.Mr. Becker, it seems to me that you and I are the only two people around here who have any sense left. I can see that you believe in the old-fashioned doctrine that the man should go out into the world to make his fame and fortune and that the woman should try to make a happy home to which he may return. That is my doctrine also.

MR. BECKER.“Man for the field and woman for the hearth.”

MRS. BROWN.Exactly. How concisely expressed. Is that original, Mr. Becker?

MR. BECKER.No. It is from Tennyson’sPrincess.

MRS. BROWN.You are so clever. You know everything. I couldn’t help but admire the way you answered Mrs. Thom. Why do women make such fools of themselves? They can never be so clever as men. Why do they try to be?

MR. BECKER.My dear Mrs. Brown, I cannot tell you what pleasure it has given me to have met you to-day, to come across one sensible, well balanced woman in this crowd of neurotic, hysterical feminists. Women are making the great mistake nowadays of thinking of themselves as a separate class instead of as a sex, that half of humanity which, keeping within its hemisphere of duties and responsibilities, makes the completion and perfection of the whole. The feminine sex is like—like a tire on the wheel of an automobile. The tire is of no use without the revolving power imparted by the engine to the wheel, and then it is the means of furnishing a smooth motion to the car and of preventing jars and dislocations of the machinery. This has always been woman’s true function, the elimination of the jolts of life so that men’s more aggressive activities may proceed gently on.

MRS. BROWN.Oh, Mr. Becker. What a charming expression and how original—women’s hemisphere. I have always rather resented the expression woman’s sphere—as if women had no share in the human interest but were apart by themselves. But women’s hemisphere! Why it reminds me of a cotillion figure where one goes around to find the holder of the other half of a favor. It is like clasping hands. Do let us shake hands on that expression, Mr. Becker. (They shake hands warmly.)

MR. BECKER.Yes, women seem to be losing sight of the fact that their interests are identical with those of men, that, therefore, they are represented now, and that to vote themselves would only mean sex antagonismand an increased multiplicity of our already too numerous ballots.

MRS. BROWN.What is that smell of scorching? Oh, Mr. Becker, I am afraid it is Cochon in the wood-box. It was too near the fire. Oh, take him away, quick!

MR. BECKER.(Lifting pig out of the wood-box.) It is only his blanket that is slightly scorched. Your pet seems to be all right, Mrs. Brown.

MRS. BROWN.Oh, my dear little piggy-wiggy. Did his muzzer forget all about her owny-tony, while she was talking about those horrid women’s rights? It was a shame, so it was. (Takes off blanket.) No, he is not hurt at all. How fortunate!

MR. BECKER.You do not admire Lamb’s Essay on Roast Pig, I take it, Mrs. Brown?

MRS. BROWN.An Essay on Roast Pig? What a subject. Is it a cook-book?

MR. BECKER.No, but a very appetizing article. If you should read it, Mrs. Brown, you would regret that you remembered your pet so soon. I will send you a copy of the essay.

MRS. BROWN.How cruel you are, Mr. Becker. I was just going to ask you to call, but now I do not know whether it would be kind to Cochon.

MR. BECKER.I will call and bring the book with me. We think alike about roasting Woman Suffrage, why not the same about roasting pigs?

MRS. BROWN.When you see Cochon in his dear little basket with its blue lining perhaps you will think differently and prefer roast chicken.

MR. BECKER.We will see. I must go now. Ihear Mrs. Thom coming down-stairs and I do not want to see her again.

MRS. BROWN.You are afraid of a woman after all. You have been saying that they make life easy like a tire on an automobile.

MR. BECKER.You know what happens when a tire breaks. Mrs. Thom is a broken tire and I can hear the gas rapidly escaping now. Good-bye, good-bye. Make my excuses to Mrs. Tilsbury, please. I shall bring the book very soon. (MR. BECKERgoes out hurriedly by one door asMRS. THOMandMRS. TILSBURYenter by the other.)

MRS. THOM.Dear child, how generous she is. Always wanting to give to “the cause.” I forgot to ask her to make out that check to my order, because our treasurer has just resigned. She had a disagreement with an auditor about the way she kept the books and we have not had time to elect another. Will you tell Mildred, please?

MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, I’ll tell her. The check to your order as President of the Association.

MRS. THOM.Now, Mrs. Brown, I hope you are going to give up fondling that dirty little pig and show yourself to be a true woman, loyal to the cause of freedom. There is a vacancy in the Daughters of the Danaïdes—for we keep strictly to a limited number in our sub-societies. I will propose you, Miss Tilsbury will second you, and there you are. The dues are ten cents a month, but of course each member is expected to contribute according to her means. If you should sell that nicely fattened pig to a butcher, you could give us a tidy little sum without feeling it.

MRS. BROWN.Mrs. Thom, Cochon has just escaped a terrible death from the flames. He shall not be handed over to the sword. He shall not be made a victim to the modern woman’s propensity to desert the home and children, to philander around after responsibilities for which she is unfitted by nature. As Mr. Becker just quoted so beautifully, “Man for the field and woman for the hearth.”

MRS. THOM.Well, it’s the baseball field and golf field then, I guess. As for the hearth, give me steam heat—it’s cleaner and has more go to it.

MRS. TILSBURY.Why, where is Mr. Becker?

MRS. BROWN.He has gone home or to his Club. I think that he has had all of women’s rights that he can stand for one afternoon. If you make enemies of all the men who have the power to grant the vote to women, Mrs. Thom, how are you going to obtain it? Get what you want first and fight the men afterwards, that would be my advice. I always followed that method with Mr. Brown.

MRS. THOM.You were consistent to the end. You got what you wanted when your husband died, and you fought his will afterwards. Well, we don’t follow the methods of the so-called feminine women in putting forward the cause. We don’t wheedle for our rights. We demand them.

MRS. BROWN.But if you can’t enforce your demands, what do you do then?

MRS. THOM.We will follow the example of the Roman women who, when unjust laws were enacted restricting the cost of their wearing apparel and jewelry, withdrew to the hill outside of the city, andstayed away from Rome until the men yielded and let them wear what they chose.

MRS. TILSBURY.If the men won’t give us the vote, we women will all go to Paris and stay there until they grant it. How lovely!

MRS. BROWN.What will you live on in Paris if the men refuse to send funds? The bankers are all men still, my dear.

MRS. THOM.It shows that you have not seriously studied the subject, Mrs. Brown, or you would not make such foolish remarks. There is nothing to prevent women from becoming bankers.

MRS. BROWN.Except that they haven’t the gold.

MRS. THOM.They can melt their jewelry. It would be better than wearing it like a bought Circassian slave.

MRS. BROWN.Well, I think that when all the other women go to Paris, I shall stay in New York. It would be rather nice to be the only woman in New York with all the bankers.

MRS. TILSBURY.Don’t think you will be the only one to have that bright thought, Imogene; you will probably find plenty of other women staying behind to keep you company.

MRS. THOM.I regret to say it, Mrs. Brown, but women like you are the drag on the wheel of progress.

MRS. BROWN.Well, that is better than to be a broken tire, Mrs. Thom; the wheels stop altogether then.

MRS. THOM.A broken tire? I do not understand what you are trying to say.

MRS. BROWN.Why, Mr. Becker says——

MRS. THOM.I am not interested in what Mr. Becker says. Women who act as phonographs for men are not in my line. Good-bye, Mrs. Tilsbury. I will come in to see Mildred in a day or two. Don’t forget about the check, please. To my order, Mary Henrietta Thom.

MRS. TILSBURY.As President of the Association.

MRS. THOM.If there is room. It isn’t necessary. (MRS. THOMgoes out, bowing stiffly toMRS. BROWN.)

MRS. TILSBURY.Oh dear, she has made Mildred give a larger sum than ever before. I don’t know what to do—it is a perfect shame.

MRS. BROWN.Start Mildred on something else. You have had enough of women’s rights.

MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, but everything costs. All the “causes” are expensive. It doesn’t make any difference whether they are charitable, socialistic, political, or artistic, they are all in need of funds. So many appeals come every day that I have been obliged to buy a bigger scrap-basket and the ash-man has raised his price. He says old paper is of no use to him unless we have a currency reform.

MRS. BROWN.Well, a husband would be more expensive still.

MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, to support a husband in a style he has not been accustomed to is very expensive. Poor Mildred, I don’t see what I shall do.

MRS. BROWN.I hope you admired the way I carried off Mr. Van Tousel.

MRS. TILSBURY.Well, I don’t know. I thought from the expression on your face when Mrs. Thom and I came back from seeing Mildred that you had beenflirting more seriously with Mr. Becker. He is not at all dangerous because he holds such a low opinion about the ability of women, but Mr. Van Tousel is wriggling his way straight into Mildred’s heart with his pretended interest in “the cause.”

MRS. BROWN.I must confess I like Mr. Becker best. He is more of a man and therefore more manageable. Besides there is Mr. Van Tousel’s mother. She is vice-president in so many societies that she might want to be president in her son’s house.

MRS. TILSBURY.I wasn’t thinking about your marrying one of them, Imogene.

MRS. BROWN.I know you were not, but I was. I can’t marry Mr. Van Tousel, I am afraid, not even for your sake, Josephine, but don’t worry about him. I do not believe he can ever win Mildred. She is too sensible to be attracted by him. Mr. Becker is the dangerous man. Unlike seeks unlike, you know. I will do what I can to change Mr. Becker’s thoughts, but you must help me. Ask us to dinner together again.

MRS. TILSBURY.Did you notice how that Slavinsky girl made eyes at Mr. Van Tousel? She is a horribly bold girl.

MRS. BROWN.Yes, she will probably keep him busy. Now, you have cleared the field of two suitors in one afternoon, but what will you do if another man turns up? I can’t divorce Mr. Becker and start in on some one else in order to protect Mildred; besides that would leave Mr. Becker free and open to consolation.

MRS. TILSBURY.Oh dear, I don’t know what I shall ever do. I am worried to death with the complicationsthat have arisen in this house recently. Here is the cook striking because she says women are imposed upon in a country where they are not allowed to vote. She is going out to California, since the franchise has been given to women there, for she says that although she voted before she left her home in Norway, she is afraid she will forget how if she doesn’t keep in practice.

MRS. BROWN.Why, I did not know that one could forget how to vote. I thought it was like swimming, once learned always remembered. I have known men who have not voted for years because they forgot to register or wanted to play golf on election day or some other silly reason, and then suddenly they would vote again because they said it was an election that was important for the business interests of the country. They never seemed to forget how to vote.

MRS. TILSBURY.Helma says it is the same as her cooking. If she doesn’t make a dish every day or two she loses the knack of it. George complains awfully when she gives us the same thing too often, but what can I do? Helma says, too, that she wants to reach California before the next presidential election because she wishes to write home how she helped to elect a President of the great United States.

MRS. BROWN.Well, you can’t mind her leaving if Mr. Tilsbury is growing tired of her cooking.

MRS. TILSBURY.Yes I do; the next one will probably be worse. Katy is going away too. She is going to marry right away because her intended says that if she stays any longer in this house of insurgents, he won’t marry her at all! Mrs. Thom is workingMildred for all she is worth, and you are flirting with Mr. Becker instead of Mr. Van Tousel. George will be so cross when he hears it all. Everything seems to be in a muddle.

MRS. BROWN.Don’t be so discouraged. I must go now, but I will run in to-morrow and we will try and arrange something. Perhaps you might get Mildred interested in collecting postal cards. That would be a cheap pursuit, unless it was discovered that the ancient Egyptians used them and you had to pay a fabulous price for a postal card from Cleopatra to Mark Antony encrusted with pearls.

MRS. TILSBURY.Yes, come to-morrow, Imogene; perhaps you can help me.

MRS. BROWN.Good-bye, dear. Cheer up.

(MRS. BROWNpicks up Cochon and goes out. Curtain.)

(MRS. BROWNpicks up Cochon and goes out. Curtain.)

Back to IndexNext